Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Fast food is unhealthy. Do you agree and disagree? [6]

Yes, you need to pay attention to Pahan's suggestion on the structure. You should at least have 4 paragraphs for your essay that includes the introduction, body paragraphs and the conclusion.

Overall, it seems you have good writing skills as well as good ideas. However, you need to pay serious attention to the essay structure that helps you earn a good score as well as manage time effectively. Read the sample essays Pahan has cited to get a good idea about this structure.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: History a fascinating subject. [3]


...yes of course :D
Different people have different tastes.


This is no exception for what people think about history.


For some people, history is a fascination subject and learning history is an enriching experience.


For some others, history is something dead and they do not find any relevance or meaning in learning it for the use of modern life.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: The graph below gives information from a 2008 report about consumption of en [2]

Well, I think you need to have an overview after the introduction. Overview is an important feature in report writing for the reader to have a fair understanding about the proceeding contents that he is going to read in more detail.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL; Classroom learnng vs online education - Which is better? [5]


You need to include a specific example for every reason you use to justify your position. So, my suggestion is to have only one reason per para and support that reason with a specific example. If I am to do this para, I would do it the following way;

Second, the classroom learning helps one improve time management skills which is a very important life skill for one to be successful in adult life. For example, students in a classroom are often given assignments to complete and submit before a certain dead line. They need to finish such tasks within stipulated time frames and therefore they have to organize themselves better. At the end, the students would automatically be trained to complete tasks before the dead lines and it certainly help them be very effective with time management skills.

Writing Feedback / IELTS :Distance-learning cannot bring the benefits that traditional colleges offer; Agree? [3]

First, I want to request you to include a more meaningful title for your essay (this has been attended by us). Do it in the subject field when you are opening a fresh thread. It is a forum rule and also helps you earn more feedbacks.


Excellent hook :)


Very impressive writing. However, your prompt poses the other side of the argument that distant learning lacks certain benefits. So, it is better to state your opinion to say that you disagree with that view. :)

Writing Feedback / Essay For Toefl: With the help of technology student can learn more information [4]

Well, it seems you have very good writing skills. However, I wonder whether you were able to handle this essay within the time that is allocated for this task. Your body paras seem to be quite lengthy. Did you manage time? If so, no worries :D

Overall, you've done a great job and I wish you good luck with TOEFL :)

Writing Feedback / Some are born with talents and others not; Discuss! [5]

First, I need to request you to have a more meaningful title for your essays. It is a forum rule and it also helps you earn more feedbacks. This title has been attended by us. Do it in the subject field when you open a new thread. Also, mention the purpose of writing (IETLS, TOEFL,GRE etc.) in the title itself for others to provide you with more task related comments.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Graduates should be advised to do a second degree [4]

In fact, financefinancing studies is the first consideration when people want to continue in the second degree. Sadly, most of universities charge high tuition fees for post graduate courses . Because of that some students who do not have enough money they cannot takepursue a second degree. In my university, students have to spend more than $10,000 for any post graduate course, so thatwhich is not little money to earn in the sorta short time witheven working very hard work . In my eyes, it is not a recommended solution that graduates should continue into second degree, particularly if they do not have any eager to study more.

Writing Feedback / TASK 1 population in yemen and italy [5]

Ok, you've done a conclusion. However, this is the structure we generally suggest and I personally feel you should have an overview instead of a conclusion for this task.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL; In general , people are living longer now. Discuss the causes of phenomenon [6]

Where is your prompt? You should have included it in the essay so that we know exactly what it means.


Well, this is implied and I feel it is not adding much value to your essay. You can move on straight to the first body para to discuss them.

Today, even in the smallest markets in rural areas, we have plenty of different types of healthy foods to choose as there are now number of beauty drinks, youth vitamins and stress-relieving teas.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK II : "Mother is the dead heart of the family" - Fatherhood vs Motherhood [7]

This saying may imply in the conceptidea that mother is solely responsible infor bringing up theirher child but the concept changed nowadays.

Writing Feedback / People who do not prefer change are pessimistic and who like changes- optimistic [6]

Well, I need to request a few admin things from you;
1. You should choose the most appropriate forum when you open a new thread. In this case it should be Writing Feedback forum. (I moved it form Graduate to Writing Feedback)

2. You should include the purpose (e.g. TOEFL,IELTS,GRE etc.) in the title itself so that it helps others to provide you with task related feedbacks

3. You also should include the prompt in your essay so that we can provide you with more meaningful feedbacks.

Writing Feedback / Raise of awarness; Younger are much more aware about issues like environment [6]

Pay attention to the structure that Pahan suggested. It is the best for this task if you want to earn a good score and handle your time effectively. Do all your practice sessions follow that essay structure.

I have a small admin request for you. You need to have a more meaningful title in the subject field when you open a new thread. It is a forum rule and it also helps you attract other towards your essay and earn more feedbacks.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL - HOUSE OR BUSINESS? Which do you prefer more? [4]

I agree with Pahan :) You have excellent writing skills. I like your intro up to the point;


I think it is better if you did away with;

This is very well written. But you could have brought out the reason better. Your reason here is that this opportunity would help you make your dream a reality. So, say that very clearly in the beginning of the para, and then support it with your examples. You've done that to some extent (Example part is fine) but you have not given enough emphasis on the reason.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 1 - Interpreting survey data on Adult (Higher/Executive) Education. [4]


Well, I am not so great in evaluating one's writing :( Any way you can get some help from this link;
ielts.org/PDF/Writing%20Band%20descriptors%20Task%201.pdf

Pay attention to the structure Pahan proposed. Also adopt a more formal tone for your writing as this is about testing your report writing skills. For example;


.... you can avoid phrases like "firstly, secondly etc." They are useful for the Writing Task 2 which is more on essay writing and you need to continue a smooth flow.

Writing Feedback / IELTS, Change look is good or not? [4]


... wrong grammar - "when compared"/ "in contrast of"
Today the general attitude towards one's appearance is very different to what it was about thirty years ago.


This is not said in your prompt. So you should have not said such things in the introduction, the objective of which is to introduce your prompt in its original sense to the reader.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Living in modern Apartment or Traditional House - support your choice [4]


Hey, you have not introduced the topic :(
This is the specimen I do for your;
People have two choices when it comes to select their houses. They can either choose to live in a traditional house or modern apartment. I personally prefer to live in a traditional house for two reasons.


First, living in a traditional house is more economical.


Modern luxurious apartments are generally found in big cities and therefore their prices are affordable to me.

Writing Feedback / (IELTs) Should developing countries concentrate on industry or education? [5]


For me, I find it is very hard to understand what you really mean by this. I think you need to pay more attention to the essay introduction.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task II : Illiteracy rates by region and gender; 'it was tearful' [12]


Ok, I think you need not to have a conclusion for the Task 1 of IELTS because;
First, a conclusion is your final judgement or opinion. For the task 2 essay you need to have that because it is based on an argument or issue. However, Task 1 asks expects a report of your observations without analysis or opinions. On the other hand, an "overview" is a simple description of the main points. It is a summary of the information shown in the graph or chart.

Second, a conclusion should be at the end of a piece of writing. An overview or general summary could go either at the end or near the beginning. Personally, I think it's a good idea to describe the main features of the graph or chart near the beginning of your essay.

Writing Feedback / IELTS; Changing look is good or not? [6]


... there is no problem in terms of grammar or presentation of this sentence. However, I feel it has a little bit of an issue with its idea. Cosmetic products appeared not only in the recent times. Even from the time of pharaohs, cosmetics had its place in society. In those Egyptian tombs, i.e. about 5000 years ago, you find evidence that they used cosmetics. So fashion and cosmetics are no recent trends.

Writing Feedback / University student should stay away from their parents in most country; Agree or Disagree? [3]

It is good to include your purpose (TOEFL, IELTS, GRE etc.) in the title itself so that others would provide you with more task related feedbackse. Also, you should have opened this essay in the Writing Feedback forum which is the most appropriate forum for this essay.


.... "who want to achieve" is the right grammar form.

Writing Feedback / IELTS; TV programmes are transmitted throughout the day and night [4]

First, you need to have a more meaningful title in the subject field when you open a fresh thread. That is a forum rule and also it helps you earn more feedbacks.


I do not say your intro is bad. However, I feel you need to improve on its structure a bit more.

Writing Feedback / Movies and television changing the way that we entertain; big influence [5]

Yes, eddies has given you the most appropriate structure for this task. I too guess this is for IELTS or TOEFL. As eddies suggests, include this purpose in your title itself. Then give us the full prompt in the essay so that we know what it exactly expects from you. I suggest you to re-do this essay following that structure and make a re-post. We will surely help you improve on it :)

Essays / How to write an opinion essay about global warming? [5]



Yes, you should do it yourself. If you need ideas and facts, google for them. You would find loads of them. However, your essay structure should contain an introduction, body paragraphs and finally the conclusion. First you do your draft and post it here. We would provide you with our feedbacks as to how you can improve on it :)

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: What to broadcast on television and what to print in newspapers. [8]


Well, I find this whole para does not answer what your prompt expects :( ... What it asks are;


you need to answer the above three questions. So, the above para should be more focused on answering "Have we become used to bad news?" Answer that yes or no and justify that position.


This idea is not expressed clearly. Better rephrase!

Writing Feedback / TOPic : Long distance flights use more fuel than cars & pollute the environment! [11]

Secondly reduction in number of vehicle is a remarkable way to cut average liters of petrol used by aper person. Laying upIncreasing the price of fuelsfuel that make it inelastic to population is also a effective measure. What's more, construction of convienientconvenient public transport can discourage unnecessary travel.

Writing Feedback / WHAT IMPORTANT SKILL A PERSON MUST HAVE TO BE SUCCESSFUL - TOEFL ESSAY EVALUTION [5]


... I think you should have had one of the two parts in this sentence for your hook. (either first part or the second) Your hook should be simple, short, interesting and clear.


Candidate means a person who applies for a job or is nominated for election. So, it is not the appropriate usage here as your prompt broadly talks about all the people. Also, I find this is a bit weak as an idea. If one is quick to learn, that helps him compete with others better. Even a slow learner has the opportunity to acquire knowledge and be knowledgeable.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Freedom of speech in a free society [5]


Very good introduction - good structure, ideas, vocabulary :)


I feel this is a good suggestion. You are adding on another reason to justify your position on the argument.

You write very well and if you were able to manage time for this task, I feel you really do not have to worry about this task.

Writing Feedback / IELTs - Voluntary community service fulfils the purpose of education [3]

First, I want to request you to select the right forum when you open a new thread. For IELTS, "Writing Feedback" is the most appropriate forum and not " Essays Term papers" and this essay we moved from there to Writing Feedback :)


I like your hook very much. However, I like if you expressed your opinion after introducing the prompt to the reader. It is always better to conclude the intro with a statement that expresses your opinion.

Writing Feedback / IELTS, EXTREME SPORT, WHY KEEPING IT AND HOW RISK COULD BE MINIMIZED? [2]


This needs more clarity. Your opening sentence should hook your reader and therefore you should present it in a very clear manner. It should be an interesting idea expressed in a clear short sentence.

toTo begin with, one of the most common reasons of presence of extreme sport is that it is one of precaution's way to protect us from ourselves or others from attack or danger.

The above idea is not clear at all :(

Writing Feedback / IELTS, One year off after secondary school and before starting university. [3]


You have gone out of topic here. Your topic is not about choosing a major, but about whether they should take a gap year for travelling or working between secondary and tertiary level of education. When you introduce your topic, you should not deviate from its original idea. Keep more alignment between your prompt and your writing.

Writing Feedback / Many people oppose changes, yet those changes make's big differences; moving or? [3]


You have not stated which way you would prefer. Your prompt asks that and it is good to conclude your introduction stating that fact.


In the body paragraphs, you should first tell the reader the reason that you use to justify your position in the argument. Then support that reason with an example. The above sentence does not add any value for your writing :(

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: Capital punishment (the death penalty) in society [12]


Even your prompt is open for discussion, there is no harm you stating your own opinion in the introduction itself. It is nicer when you conclude the intro with a statement expressing your opinion very clearly. That helps you take the reader in your desired direction. Since IELTS Task 2 is a time bound task, it is always good to follow one particular structure during practice sessions :)

Writing Feedback / Some people argue that it is more importsnt to have enjoyable job that to earn a lot. [6]

Pay attention to what Pahan suggested above. Yes, it is always better you conclude your intro with a statement that expresses your opinion clearly. And then in body paras, you try to justify your opinion by giving reasons and examples. Unless your prompt has not asked you to discuss both views, keep supporting your view only. There is no point in talking about the other side of the argument :)

Writing Feedback / Let's make mineral soup.......... [4]


yep.... now understand what your task expects. :) However, as Pahan also had some concerns above, I too wonder how you can completely do away with some of the stuff as your writing is actually based on that. Let me see how I can give you some support;

This paper describes how FeS2 was prepared using a common solvothermal method. The sol mixture was prepared using sodium thiosulfate and iron chloride hexahydrate that provided S and Fe sources. X-ray diffraction,which used nickel-filtered CuKα radiation, examined the synthesized FeS2 and TiO2 powders and FeS2/TiO2 composites .

Writing Feedback / Its Hard to say Goobye [3]

Pay attention what Pahan suggested to you :)
sheShe had Bowel Cancer, but she never told anyonetill about a couple months before she died.any of us until two months before she passed away. ... I made those changes to enhance the effect of intimacy you had with your grandma.

I remember my mom handing me the phone on the day she had a look of remorse in her eyes and that confused because i didn't know why she was so upset.with her trembling hands. She looked so sad and confused and I didn't have a clue about her look.

Writing Feedback / Paid work must be appreciated but it must be good for children's health and mind [5]

In many under developed countries, poverty is the biggest problem and people cannot afford basic needs of life such as food, medicine and educationclothing and shelter.(these are the 3 basic needs of people, education and health are important needs, but not classified as the basic needs)In this situation,Under these circumstances, people are ready to do any kind of work for earning some money.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: some actions should be taken to preserve the endangered languages [7]

First, I have an admin request for you ! You should open threads for IELTS tasks in WRITING FEEDBACK Forum. Choosing the most appropriate forum is a forum rule that you need to comply with. I moved this from Essays term papers to Writing Feedback.

You need to improve the structure of your intro.

Writing Feedback / It is astonishing that people keep in circling in their comfort zone and avoid life variation [4]

Hi
I have an admin request - You should open all IELTS essay task threads in Writing Feedback forum which is the appropriate forum for them. This has been opened in Essay term papers forum and we moved it to the right forum. I have seen some of your other essays too have been opened in wrong forums and I wish you take this fact into your serious consideration. This is a forum rule that you need to comply with. Please take care of your threads!

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: WHO DECIDE TO CHOOSE SUBJECT FOR CHILDREN [4]


impressive :) ... good start for your body para :)
However, I do not find any specific example for your justification on your opinion. It is a must feature for you to score a decent score for this task.