Writing Feedback / Some of people think that wealthy life and high salary are essential for personal happiness [4]

Hi Aris, I believe this is my first review for your essay however, I assure you that as we practice here on EF, we will definitely provide you with consistent objective feedback and that will hopefully enhance your essay and be more confident for submission.

This modification is focused on the first 2 paragraphs of your essay.

- that welfarea wholesome life andwith
- buthowever, as much as you can, avoid using the word "but")
- and givinggive my opinion as a
- conclusion inby the end of the writingarticle .

- Nowadays, there is no denying that money has thea
- strong influence in peoples lives since
- People with thea decent job
- don'tdoesn't have proper job becauseand they receive much more money.
- It will make themmean they have a bigger chance
- life such as lacklike lacking of familiy time.

There you have it Aris, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and should you need further assistance, do let us know so we can help out.

Writing Feedback / Bill Gates - how do you stop deadly disease that spread by mosquitos? [3]

Hi Husnul, as soon as I started reviewing your essay, I noticed your quick note on the proper placement of punctuation marks and I'm quiet surprise as most of the writers tend to forget this minor details and I must tell you, as much minor this details are, they are important in completing you sentence and it will have an overall impact in your essay.

However, I believe the essay can still be enhanced, having said that, below are my thoughts;

- that is spread by mosquitos?, and how do ...

- On the other casehand ,
- a conducted research conducted proves that
- those great teachers are not because
- of their masters degree but their past experience.
- TheyThe key points areis thatthose teachers
- are beingsupposed to be very active,
- they perticipatecan ask each students
- and personnel to participate in the system.
- KIP teachers have a target,
- measure their skill and criticize their work each others work regularly.
- The point is gathering people to work together and the solution is ontowards progress.

There you have it Husnul, I hope the above remarks are helpful and for future writing reference, mind the words and its form when you associate them in your sentences. It would also help if you read your sentences aloud as this will tell you if something sounds off, then you definitely need to fix something.

Writing Feedback / TED Summary : The philosophy of a happy life according to Sam [4]

Hi Bung, as this is my first review of your essay, I must say your essay targeted the core message of the talk, indeed, happy life is a choice we make and this will bring us to where we want to be. One good thing that you also showcased in your essay is the fact that, you have clarity in your words and more importantly you understood what the story is all about, this is a very important aspect in writing, you have to be able to understand what you are writing about.

Furthermore, you have managed to keep your summary in 2 distinct paragraphs and this goes to show that your summary is very compact and you are straight to the point and this is depicted in how you have written your summary.

Moreover, as much as I loved your summary essay, I would still advice you to practice writing more often and read a lot, this will open a lot of chances in exploring new words and new techniques in writing and hopefully you can develop new writing techniques.

Writing Feedback / HERE'S HOW MANY APPLE CORES IT WOULD TAKE TO POISON YOU [2]

Hi Terminal123, below are my thoughts on your essay, this is very straight forward, in order for you to see the difference between your original essay and the enhanced or modified one.

- Point inWas there a time when your - mother ever restricted you to eat apple cores
- cause apple cores can consist a large amount of
- and it can change becomethis can form into a cyanide - when it gets down into your gut bacteria ,
- which can do the best way of killing youkill anyone once ingested .
- People are throwing out the middle of apple, it just wasting half an apple .

- Apples are not the only fruits with
- It's alsoin peaches,
- from eating a large amount of amygdalin.

There you have it Terminal123, I hope the above remarks and corrections are helpful to your revision. Overall, there are quiet a lot of missing words and verbs that should've completed your sentences, therefore, the modifications done above should help and of course practice a lot as this will help you in your future writing project.

Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1 Student Cambridge Books- Travelling to work in Houston, Texas [4]

Hi Fadhill, please find the a few suggestions below in order to strengthen your analysis.

- each types of transportation used in traveling .

- The favorite mode of transportation
- used isa self-driven car,
- most popular at approximately forty percent,
- which is higher than cars with passenger and cycle/walk.

- Furthermore, it also becomes the most famous transportation used among the oldest
- In contraston the contrary , cycle/walk
- self-driven car and car with
- age at approximately forty four years old.

- The production of CO2 is dominated by self-driven cars ,
- which annually releases 0.3 kilograms per

There you have it Fadhill, I hope the above remarks are helpful, they are focused on the first 2 paragraphs of your analysis and I hope you follow through for the 3rd and final paragraph of your analysis.

Writing Feedback / The least popular transportation chosen by the workers is cycling or walking [4]

Hi Alrisky, below are my thoughts on the first 2 paragraphs of your analysis, I hope this helps.

- The following table and the bar chart gives data
- about travellingon how to travel to work in Houston, Texas.
- To begin with , the table provides information
- about the percentage of travelers per formmode of transport to
- work and their average age of them based on four - Eventually, there is a connection between both ...

- The last popular transportation chosen by the workers is
- However, it is totally use noThis mode of transportation uses no CO2 Emission.
- Furthermore, catching the bus or train
- is in the second mode of transportation used by 37 percent
- which is only 11 percent of the workers aged 44 who took it.

There you have it Alrisky, I hope the corrections above are helpful to your revision and I wish to review the final analysis soon.

Writing Feedback / The bar chart shows amount of carbon dioxide emissions from different forms of transportation [4]

Hi Muhamad, below are my thoughts on your analysis.

- of travelers' per-form ofwho takes different modes of - average age of the traveler.
- The table shows the amount of carbon
- All inOver all, the most common
- means and causes the most pollution of transport is experienced by car-driver only.

- According to the table, self driver onlypersonal cars are - which areis at thirty-seven percent.
- The least common forms of transportation is
- a cycle or walk, inat four percent.
- And also at theThe second line of table,
- reveals that train or bus comes

- Based on the bar chart, self driverpersonal cars causes
- The second most smog iscame from a car with
- transportation is cycling orand walking.

There you have it Muhamad, I hope the above remarks and insights help you in your revision, one more thing, the word "travelers", does not need any apostrophe or any other punctuation mark.

Graduate / Essay required for admission to study Management of Information Systems. Question is provided. [2]

Hi Alok, first of all, WELCOME to The Essay Forum Family, I hope you find this website to be helpful and even more valuable to your writing projects.

We strive to provide you with the most accurate feedback in order to create an even stringer essay.

Upon going through your essay, I must say that you were able to answer the prompt in a very manageable manner, you made sure that it is straight to the point and not only that the essay answers the prompt but it is also written in a very logical manner, this is a technique in writing were your readers will be able to properly understand the essay and therefore will be easy to target and depict what is asked of you and more importantly, your purpose.

Having said this, I believe you started the essay in a very strong and collected manner, however, I believe the last part of the essay can still enhanced.

Please find my suggestions below;

- MyArmed with my professional and academic experiences till now have got me convinced that, I believe a Management in information Systems degree is the mostbecause of the clever way in which itwhere it'sis designed would do wonders for me (...) to the success of any business I will venture in the future .

There you have it Alok, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and do let us know what comes out of your applications, we'd love to hear from you.

Writing Feedback / An increasing temperature on the planet can have domino-falling effects for the future of Earth [2]

Hi Riandi, as I go through your essay, I must say you know exactly how to approach or answer the essay, that is in you own language, however, not in the English language, especially in accordance to the language rules. You have incomplete sentences that does not help in the overall impact of the essay. To further elaborate this observation, please find a few suggestions and remarks below;

- have domino-falling effects for the future of the Earth. - Wide-spread changes are observed in the Earth's climate.

- Gasoline consumption thein developing countrycountries was following developed country.
- So giventhe technology for developing
- For example put a price on carbon ... - what do you mean by this sentence?

- Solutions on renewable energy is often
- ... bring electricity to places that does not have it,

There you have it Riandi, you need a lot of practice in sentence construction, it will also help if you read a lot in order to widen your vocabulary,this will help with your sentence construction. Keep writing.

Writing Feedback / Why you should experience a home stay in Thailand? [3]

Hi Almajid, below are my thoughts on your essay.

- which is interestingwhere foreigners tocan stay there ,
- everything that is in Thailand can spoil visitors who come to that countrywill entice visitors to stay and never leave the country, however, - you can spentonly spend more than a week

- We do notdon't have to worry to look for the way how we can get about ...and look for a place to stay in traveling to Thailand ,

- which is a good services of traveling in Thailand.
- those not only provide about travel but alsoThis setting only means that we can get everything
- whatthat we need during weour stay in Thailand,
- Finally, we will feel enjoy duringour stay in Thailand with providing which they offer for touristswith all this ease that is provided by the government programs such as home stay .

There you have it Almajid, overall, you have the right idea and approach of the essay, however, you have a direct translation of your native tongue to English and somehow this is not grammatically correct, however, with practice, you should be able to do better in your future writing projects.

Writing Feedback / How many people became a fitness center members some years ago? [2]

Hi Shandy, below are my thoughts on your analysis.

- women becomingbecame members of the fitness

- and rose markedlyremarkably twice as
- However, this occurred theobserved a slight
- rise approximately in 1900 in 1985.
- Then,in 1995 it increased
- than the first years from 2000 toat 1000 people.

- The figure of women fitness membership was initially at 1000 in 1970
- and rose moderately t 2000 in the following year.
- Before dropping at approximately 800 in 2000,
- it ever happened with the same points\

- Al in allOverall , men of fitness
- members at 5000 in 1995
- althoughand in the end of year
- they fell dramatically at 1000.

There you have it Shandy, I hope the above remark and corrections are helpful to your revision.

Writing Feedback / Birds generally travel to higher latitudes of the Northern Hemisphere to breed during a warm seasons [2]

Hi Rizaldo, please find a few suggestions below in order to enhance your essay.

- but the renowned type for observersof migrants that are observed for for centuries is bird migrations.

- warm season and continued to
- whichthat lived in
- in addition, exhibit altitudinalan altitude of migration - nearby the lower country.
- they havewith their navigation ability
- which is usually separated and relying on the innate

There you have it Rizaldo, I believe the analysis is well written, just very minor modifications which I believe will enhance the analysis and I hope you follow though.What I noticed in this analysis is the form of the words that you associate on your sentences, they are correct, however, needs a little modification and proper placement. I hope to review your final analysis.

Writing Feedback / Fitness membership calculation in 30 years by gender [3]

Hi Rosa, I believe this is my first review of your analysis and I hope you follow through with the corrections.

- registered in a fitness place within 1970 up to 2000.
- comparedwithto the female

- The male group's peaked atin 1995
- which thewith a membership
- accumulation that showed there were 5000 people
- arrived only at 4000 people in last 2 decades.

- Meanwhile, the female group spanned the numerous membership
- while they reached 1000 peoplea through
- of the year of 1970 whenwith the calculation of membership. showed no more 1000 people at the stood point.

There you have it Rosa, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and for future writing reference, make sure to analyze the graph and create a more focused analysis.

Writing Feedback / Al Gore - how the behavior of people can effect the climate crisis? [2]

Hi Fadhil, I believe this is the first review I will have for your essay and it will be a pleasure to do so, having said that, please find the suggested remarks below;

- the speakerAl Gore ( I believe in this part of the essay, you should establish the subject ) tried to
- resume the last talk aboutcontinue with the
- optimistic approach that explained
- of people can effectaffect the climate crisis.
- The behavior was correlatingrelated with awareness
- which might effectaffectin correlation with democracy.
- Moreover, the power of democracy as well as the self-awareness
- of people might changed worldwide climate crisis.

- the fact of a decreasing in size of
- Antartica showed theis an indicator of
- forto support the poverty of several countries.

- By usingWith renewable energy
- this could lead to sustain
- resources so that there would bea development in therecan be made ;
- be managed and effecthave a good impact worldwide.

There you have it Fadhil, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and should you need further assistance, do let us know so we can assist you.

Writing Feedback / TED: How Childhood trauma affects health across a lifetime [2]

Hi David, below are my thoughts on your essay.

- Heart disease and lung cancer are several of leading causes
- FolksPeople who are exposed
- into very high doses have triple
- but its because of childhood trauma.
- Mostly those trauma causesd by physical
- So, TheTherefore, the single most important
-our body stay healthy withand always
- keeping good relationship
- inwith the neighborhood and family,
- AlsoThe government role

There you have it David, I hope the above remarks are helpful in your revision, and for future writing reference, make sure that you observe the right form of the words that you incorporate in your essay, as this is very crucial in creating a well rounded essay.

Writing Feedback / A 3D-printed jumbo jet? A resume of a talk given by Bastian Schaefer [2]

Hi Eka, below are a few suggestions to enhance your essay.

- People cannot know about thewill never know what the future holds .
- For instance, ( don't forget your punctuation marks )
- humans havepeople begun their future aeroplane

- some individualpeoples needs in the upcoming
- effort is that they should be able to find - lighter material to putbe placed on the aircraft.
- Al inOver all, they promised about - from those that existed these days.

There you have it Eka, overall, this summary is well written, just a few modifications to correct much needed sentences that needs correction.
I hope you follow through with the suggestions and keep writing.

Writing Feedback / The range of nationality of people, who has journeyed to New Zealand [2]

Hi Gian, below are my thoughts on your analysis. The linking verbs are seen as very crucial detail that is missing in your analysis, having said that, please find my suggestions below.

- The pie chart illustrates the range of nationality of people, - who has journeyed to New Zealand.

- First of all, Australia behas the biggest
- percentage of countries,
- From two of these countries,
- the different percentdifference of the percentage around 28.

- South of Korea beis the smallest
- country about theof tourist, at 3 percent.
- I t is clearly that Australia
- has peaked different visitors than
- the amount of range of countries,

- Overall, there are two big distinct countries who visits New Zealand , come from the amount of visitors numbers, fist is
- the largest percentage such as
- and the second is small percentage, such ascame from China, Japan, and South of Korea.

There you have it Gian, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and do let us know should you need further assistance.

Writing Feedback / Summarize TED video : Taylor Wilson, who built a nuclear fusion reactor [3]

Hi Muhamad, below are my thoughts on your video summary.

- On that video, I getThe video shows information
- about Taylor Wilson, a young peopleperson who
- built a nuclear fusion reactor onin his garage.
- about to makecreating a new star on the jar.
- And after that heHe started to make
- it happen onin his garage.
- There are two points on thatthis video,
- how to create it onin his house.
- He talked about a physic theory - I'm not sure what you mean by "physic theory", please elaborate.

- Due to the fact ofthat his
- And on theThe second point,
- he believes that the other kids can do
- the things whichthat can change the world.

There you have it Muhamad, I hope the above remarks and modifications help you with your revision.

Writing Feedback / It is witnessed that the largest proportion of New Zealand's visitors come from Australia [2]

Hi Eva, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, we hope you find this website to be helpful and even more so, valuable to your writing projects, we aim at providing you with the most accurate and clear feedback, in order to strengthen your essay and be ready for submission. Having said that, please find suggested revision below;

- The pie chart compares aboutthe international
- witnessed byfrom Australia.
- A lower of number is showed forfrom Americans
- and British people while The East Asian People
- are the minority of proportion. Butand some of

- According to the figure chart, ( don't forget your punctuation marks ) it can be seen
- that the first majority group isare Australians people.
- The percentage is viewed virtually more than thirtieththirty percent

There you have it Eva, the above remarks are a few suggestions that will hopefully enhance your essay, I hope you follow through with the corrections and do so for the rest of the analysis. Overall, it is just minor remarks but nonetheless needs modification.

Writing Feedback / Overall, the most travellers come from a place which is near to the visited country. [2]

Hi Almajid, please find a few suggestions for your analysis.

- aboutof who where the people
- who travels to New Zealand come from.
- which is near to thisthe country.
- However, there are also people who departcome from extremely far countries though, even though it is athey are of very small percentage.

- tourists isare Australians with forty percent,
- and then followed by other groups,
- which there is no list of the country fromis not listed in the graph .
- The next percentages come from British and Americans,

- who are interested in visiting New Zealand
- with a total just
- with a total of twelve percent only .

There you have it Almajid, I hope the above remarks and suggestions are helpful to your revision.

Writing Feedback / Several different citizenships of New Zealand's guest [2]

Hi Husnul, first of all WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, we hope to provide you with the most accurate and valuable feedback that will help you in coming up with an even stronger essay. Having said that, please find the suggestions for your analysis below.

- Australia and European continents place
- tourists from the Asian continent
- who visits New Zealand.

- The tourists from Australian and European continents;
- At the top of the percentage is Aussyare Aussies ,
- it takes 40 percent of the travellers.
- The second isare the British which

- On the other hand, the Asian continent
- Chinese who are in New Zealand as

There you have it Husnul, I hope the above remarks and suggestions help you with your revision. Overall, there's not much to modify, you just have to focus on the proper form of the words you use in your sentences.

Scholarship / Individuals with strong networking skill and influence to lead others [6]

Hi Choy, it's great to hear from you and thank you for appreciating our work here on EF, I know it's going to be a long road for you to take in pursuing your academic goal, but hey, you made a good start here so the goal should not be far behind.

What's good about your writing is the fact that you are very specific, you have the words, "I believe", "I know" and this are just examples of words that gives you an edge from applicants who are not sure of what they really want to do or their definite purpose in applying for the scholarship.

Overall, you are in a very definite track that will hopefully yield good results in the end. Furthermore, I still suggest that you keep writing, keep reading good English literatures, do a healthy comparison of your work, this way you will be able to critique your own work, thus, opening windows for you to get better at this craft. Keep writing Choy!

Writing Feedback / In this consumer driven economy, owning redundant possessions is a commonly practiced custom [7]

Hi Mehbub, we appreciate you words of acknowledging our work here on EF, we definitely aim at providing you the most accurate and valuable feedback, so you will be able to confidently submit your writing projects and also hone your writing skills as well as develop new writing techniques.

Now, as much as I want to rate your essay base on IELTS standards, I will not be able to, as the IELTS certified verifiers are the only ones who can rate your essay as per their respective standards. What I can assure you though, is that, as per the english language usage standards and how you approach this particular essay, I will give you an 8, 8 out of 10 because, there is still a room for improvement and I know you will be able to enhance your essay further.

Overall, I suggest that you keep on writing, it doesn't need to be a writing project, it can be just a regular writing that you have thought of or a small draft where you write your thoughts. Reading will also help you add and widen your vocabulary and this will give you an edge when it comes to sentence construction.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS Writing Task1- letter] The cafeteria is planned for closure [4]

Hi Zhou, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, below are my thoughts on your letter.

First of all, I believe the purpose of the letter has not been met, simply because, the plot of the letter says, the reason for the closure is because the cafeteria is not used at all, therefore,you should cite a reason why the school should not close the cafeteria even if it's not in use, one reason can be that, the cafeteria can use as a gathering hall,a practice area or a stand by facility in cases that a room is required.

Next, the prompt is definitely asking for certain activities that can be done in order for the cafeteria to be kept open as well as for it to be maintained and properly kept. Moreover, yo have to think of productive reasons in keeping it open and not just because you like staying or lounging in the area.

Further to your letter, as much as I want you to showcase the expenditures needed to keep the place, this is not the right forum to state this issues, you have to re- write this letter and strengthen the reasons or initiative to keep the cafeteria open. I hope this insights helped and I wish to review the final letter very soon.

Writing Feedback / A wonderfull place of Inca's custom in Peru [3]

Hi Patta, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, we hope you find this website to be helpful and even more valuable to your writing projects.

I have a few suggestions to strengthen your essay.

- I would like to tell you about the Inca's custom.
- Machu Piccu has drawed ofis the proof of
- prehistorical Incan civilization in the past .
- An Archeologist, Hiram Bingham,
- that has founded infound this artifacts in 1911.

- Overtime, Machu Picchu werebecame
- famous ofamongst travelers.
- It allThe buildings ofon site - which waswere built from hard stone precisely .
- In site Machu Pichu is nearby the
- TheA traveler would reached
- it by several forms of transportation mode .
- The Inca trails of ruins still stand in Machu Piccu mountand offers wonderful views;
- some of flowers and birds too .
- TheIn conclusion, the Inca's custom offered a luxury trip and a memorable one .

There you have it Patta, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision.

Writing Feedback / The government should use the money invested in arts to spent in public services [5]

Hi Bruna, WELCOME to the Essay Forum team, we aim to provide you with valuable feedbacks and modification that will definitely showcase a different approach to the prompt, this way you will be able to establish a well gathered and stronger essay.

Now, as I go through your essay, I immediately notice the lack of linking verbs, this verbs are very minor details that strengthens the sentences, though very minor, they are very important in creating the complete complete idea of your sentence. Having said that, please find a few suggested corrections below.

- A portion of our society believes that the government
- arts to spentspend ( mind your verb tenses too ) in public services.
- to the expression of aexpress ones culture,
- therefore, it should notcan't be forgotten
- by the governments .
- Firstly, thisThis essay will discuss
- and, secondly, it will discuss the necessity of art'sas an investment.

There you have Bruna, the above remarks are focused on the first paragraph and as you can see, there's quiet a lot of enhancements to be done, I hope you follow through with the modifications. Keep writing.

Writing Feedback / In this consumer driven economy, owning redundant possessions is a commonly practiced custom [7]

Hi Mehbub, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, I hope you find this website to be a great outlet for your writing and we strive to provide you with the most accurate and credible feedback that will strengthen your writing project and get you ready for submission.

As I go through your essay, I must say you managed to construct a well rounded and strong essay, it depicted what you exactly want your readers to understand and this is the whole purpose of writing an essay, making sure that the one who reads the essay understands it and knows exactly what the message of the essay is.

Having said this, as much as I think the essay started strong, I believe the last paragraph can still be enhanced.

- As a concluding statement, I want to restatereiterate - that an adverse impact of
- opens thean avenue to
- and educatingeducate the society which
- can act as a catalyst to improve the situation and help the society for greater welfare .

There you ave it Mehbub, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and do let us know should you need further assistance.

Scholarship / Individuals with strong networking skill and influence to lead others [6]

Hi Choy, indeed, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, we hope to be able to provide you with the most accurate and credible feedback on your essays especially with this crucial Chevening Scholarship.

As scary as it sounds, Chevening scholarship is a much sought after scholarship there is in the Academic world, having said that, I must say that you have managed your writing very well, you absolutely started strong, you managed to showcase your strength, your goals and the process that you want to take in order to achieve this goals.

Now as much as I love the strength of the first 4 paragraphs of your essay, I believe the last paragraph can still be enhanced.Having said that, please find

the corrections below.

- I believe Chevening will make me a very good example thatis a living proof that good education is not only for wealthy and luckymost privileged people but for those who work hard and ambitiouswill driven too.

There you have it Choy, I hope the above remarks strengthen the conclusive part of your scholarship. Do let us know what comes out of this application, we'd love to hear from you. The best of luck Choy!

Undergraduate / Leadership, progress, and service I have portrayed in last three years. [3]

Hi Jaimin, I believe this is my first review of your essay and with this I say WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, may you find this website helpful as well as valuable to your writing needs, we aim to provide you with the most accurate and credible feedback that will enhance your essay so you will be able to confidently submit it.

Now, as I go through your leadership progress, I must say it has highs and lows, highs is when you were talking about your achievements at school and this will have a good result to the community you belong, lows is when you are talking about the setbacks that you encounter, yes, it is good to note these setbacks, however, this is not applicable to approach this particular essay.

When you do your revision, focus on your leadership progress, how did you manage to impart your leadership skills to people and what sets you apart from the rest of the crowd as a leader. There you have it, I hope this insights helped and I wish to review your final work soon.

Writing Feedback / The diagrams present a wind turbine section model and the best position to get maximal electricity. [4]

Hi Sony, below are additional help for your analysis.

- and its preferred stance position.
- The main fact that stand out is that, ( don't forget your punctuations marks )
- it can be seen thatthe location
- in which it is constructed accounts for resultingthe results of the electricity output.

- is made up of the following components,
- by a wind sensor.
- AfterwardsThen , wind energy
- into electricity by a generator.
- Once the blade is rotated,a computer
- collects the direction and angle information.
- RegardingWith regards to the construction position,
- output of electricity by constructing
- with maximum strengths .

There you have it Sony, I hope the above remarks and corrections help you in your revision. Let us know should you need further assistance.

Writing Feedback / The foremost reason of unhealthy eating in today's world is the hectic life [3]

Hi Hector, indeed, this essay is a good read, well first of all it has a very interesting prompt. Advertising does help people choose the food they eat. Normally, when a food is advertised by somebody famous or people with power and role models, they sell big time. One of the end results of this effective advertising is the fact that people doesn't see the health benefits of what they're putting in their mouth and the long term effect is unhealthy eating habits.

We tend to go with the flow all the time and this is true to our eating habits too, once a habit is formed it becomes the norms and you can't live without it, so you don't avoid it anymore even if it will damage your health.

Moving on to your essay, as mentioned it is a good read, it is very timely, it what is happening in todays society and definitely what is going to be one of todays huge problems.

Further to your essay, it has a well researched information, it is absolutely crucial to include, not only your own opinion about the prompt, but also the fact that you supported your essay with facts, current events and this will have huge positive effects in your writing. I hope this insight help and I hope to review more of your essays soon.

Writing Feedback / The way of people dressing is not the most important aspect [5]

Hi Eka, here's my take on the last two paragraphs of your essay.

- A good man should have a good behavior
- The preserve, a bad guy are supposed to be a person who speaks rudely, ... - this sentence is quiet confusing, what exactly do you mean?

- it is not a guarantyguarantee that they
- havepossess a good attitudes .
- Also, (don't forget your punctuation marks ) when
- a person wears unpleasanttacky clothes,
- it does not mean he is a bad individualperson .

- In conclusion, the way of people dressing is not the
- most important aspect to point out theira persons - someone area person is through their daily

There you have it Eka, I hope the above remarks are helpful.

Undergraduate / My profile is interesting - I write about introducing myself [4]

Hi Praew, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, I hope you find this website to be valuable and a good resource for you to come up with an even stronger essay. We ai to provide you with the most accurate and necessary feedback to strengthen your essay.

Having said that, below are additional modifications for your essay, oh, before I do so, just a gentle reminder, when you do an introduction, be yourself, be confident, proud of who you are at the same time, keeping your essay formal.

- My profile is quiet interesting.
- First, My name is Praewpan Sangduan, you can call me Praew.
- and I studied about English-Japanese program.
- I am a junior studying in the Faculty of
- Why I choose to be an English major?
- In my opinion becauseI believe English
- subject is the subject that I love this subject
- since I was in primary student .
- English language that is a formal language.
- The mostMost people
- I graduated from university,
- In my future I want to be a fl ight attendant
- or work about in the airport such
- as air ground support .

There you have it Praew, this is just half of your essay, as I go through it, there's quiet a lot tension in your essay and as I suggested, be confident especially when you're introducing yourself.

I hope you follow through with the corrections and the given modifications and I wish to review your final essay soon.

Writing Feedback / People's attitudes are determined more by their immediate situation or surroundings than by..(GRE) [3]

Hi Stephanie, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, I hope you find this website to be helpful as well as valuable to your writing projects, we aim to provide you with the most accurate and objective feedback in order for you to come up with a well managed essay that answers the prompt.

Having said that, as I go through your essay, I must say what you did is a direct translation of your thoughts and ideas, you put them together and form a sentence, though this is how a sentence is constructed, somehow, the sentences are not complete, to explain this observation, please find the corrections below;

- demeanors are impacteda direct result of a more - by current milieu or society as a whole.
- however, it is the society as a whole
- that shapes the people on a long term .

There you have it Stephanie, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision, this is a very short modification and I've left you with the rest of the essay in order for you to see the difference and practice editing yourself.

Writing Feedback / The pie graphs compare the proportion of average budget spent by household for 6 specific categories [13]

Hi Yung, no worries at all, I would love to review your final paper and I believe your revision will be a stronger essay that is ready for submission.

I also suggest that you follow the suggested remarks and modifications of your essay, this should be able to create a far better essay, well constructed sentences and an overall well managed essay.

Furthermore, most of the corrections made in your analysis is pretty minor, though however minor it is, it is still something that can be enhanced and with the help of contributors and your everyday practice, of course, I know you will be able to develop good writing skills that will equip you on your future writing projects.

I also suggest that you read a lot,reading English literature will definitely increase your vocabulary and this will help you come up or formulate a good sentence and ideas that will depict the thoughts you have in your head an d properly approach the prompt. This is one simple way you can develop your writing skills. Keep writing.

Writing Feedback / The pie graphs compare the proportion of average budget spent by household for 6 specific categories [13]

Hi Yung, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, I hope you find this website to be helpful as well as useful to your revision and future writing projects, we aim to provide you with the most accurate feedback that will hopefully strengthen you essay in order for you to submit your article with confidence.

Having said that, please find my suggestions below;

- The peipie graphs
- compareillustrate a comparison of the proportion
- becomebecame the number
- one of household spendingexpenditure in 2010.

- compared to dropped toa decrease of 22.0% in 2010 .
- Also, there was can be seenis a small
- decline patterm which wason 'education'

- However, a completely different
- trends reveals other categories
- showed a small growth at just at 2.1%.

There you have it Yung, I hope the above additional modifications are useful to your revision.

Writing Feedback / UK, Switzerland, Denmark, Belgium and Sweden statistics regarding banana and coffee. [3]

Hi Nurul, as I go through and review your analysis, I must say that one thing that is very noticeable is the uniformity of the unit of measurement which I haven't seen for a while in analysis writing. One thing to consider, that most of us forget, is that, the unit of measurement is very essential when it comes to analysis writing, this is where we draw uniformity in all areas of the analysis.

Further to your essay, it has a very smooth flow of ideas and it started strong as well as it followed exactly what is on the represented graph. Normally, what writers do is take an overall analysis, make it an introduction and start all over again in their second paragraph, however, in your analysis, you made sure that there is a good sequence, logical order in order to create a good following of information.

Overall, it is a well written analysis and a few enhancements can be done to strengthen it and I hope you follow through.

Writing Feedback / Corporation have to check if their products are harmful for the environment- not focus on money only [2]

Hi Onde, I believe this is the first time that I'm reviewing your essay and so far, I must say, your essay has kept me entertained. The argument you cited in this essay is very reasonable and it is very timely, what I mean is, it is current, it happens in real life and I believe it is as much justifiable as it can get.

Though there are still a few enhancements to be done, I see a contributor suggested a few modifications and I hope you follow through, it is always worth to consider feedbacks from people who know exactly how to enhance or modify the article.

Having said that, a few more enhancements can be done in your conclusion paragraph.

- In conclusion, companies should think about otherthe societies condition soin order for both,of the community and the company towill get the same positive impact forfrom what they do. The corporationsCorporation also have to check it if their products are harmful forto the environment or not.

There you have it Onde, I hope the above insights and remarks are helpful to your revision.

Writing Feedback / The evolution of infrastructure projects in the Meadowside area [3]

Hi Maulida, for future analysis, don't forget to post the map or the graph that came with the the analysis. Having said that, I would like to share a few insights to your analysis.

- The map illustrates the changes that occurred in
- thatthe given timeframe
- regarding thewhen it comes to development of infrastructure projects.

- To begin with , Meadowside
- village only had a small area
- three-times larger than Meadowside
- were buildbuilt passing through this village.

- and business parks constructed between both villages.

There you have it Maulida, I hope the above remarks are helpful, again, don't forget to post the graph or map that corresponds to the analysis as this will be our basis for an accurate feedback, anyhow, the above modifications are based on your usage of the language and the construction of the sentences. I hope it helps.

Writing Feedback / How it is made - The Cement and concrete for building purposes. [4]

Hi Nurul, below are my thoughts on your analysis.

- and clay that are crushed together
- After being mixed, itThe mixture then passes
- through the rotating heater which haswith a constant
- it is ground to obtainafter grinding, the final
- product can be obtained before the cement

- there wasare several building materials
- Firstly , the compound includes a half
- to the ad mixture.
- they are rotated in clockwise

There you have it Nurul, I hope the above remarks are helpful to enhance your analysis, overall, it is a well managed analysis and I hope you follow thru with the recommended modifications.

For future writing reference, mind the compositions of your essay, this is the essence of writing and this should be taken into focus and fill consideration, now, don't get me wrong, you have a well managed analysis and I know your essays are the same,however, it takes a lot to keep your writing on the right track, all the time.