Writing Feedback / Paragraph about saving a natural resource [3]

While the word "uprising" sounds right as it seems to insinuate an increasing number, the more appropriate term would be an uptick or an increase. An uprising actually has a more negative connotation and meaning as it refers to an insurrection or revolt, as in an increasing war. It does not mean an increasing number. Try to familiarize yourself with more English words and the meaning of each. That way, you will learn how to use the term properly in sentences that you develop. Remember, just because the word sounds right, it does not mean that the meaning is automatically applicable to the presentation. Correct meaning is more important than impressive sounding words.


The what of the what? Kindly remember to edit your content before considering it to be a final form. Repeated words that do not make any sense or add value to the presentation will lower your essay scores due to lack of information or opinion clarity.

Scholarship / STUDY PLAN GKS 2022_Graduate_Radiologic Imaging Technology [3]

The work schedule has no bearing on the language study plan. How you plan your work hours around your language class sessions is of no importance to the reviewer. His only concern is the eagerness that you are pursuing the language courses prior to your arrival in Korea. Remove those irreelevant mentions. Keep the focus on language studies alone. There is no need to mention specific timeframes for your studies and exam plans either. Do not use bullet points to create the discussion. You are not making a powerpoint presentation to the reviewer. Just relax and explain your language learning plan. As for the tests you plan to take, it appears to be irrelevant to the conversation since these cannot be considered as a part of your application. Instead, refer to taking the tests after you arrive in Korea since you will have to take the TOPIK test again to qualify for the regular semester.

Undergraduate / Why this essay with my plan and benefits, Application Essay - RU, GLA [2]

The essay does not perform well in terms of explaining what you can achieve by studying at the university. Rather than spending time explaining how your interest grew and why these exposures drove your desire to become a journalist, you should be combining all the requirements of the prompt in every paragraph.

In the last paragraph, there is an outline of what you expect to learn from the courses being provided. Rather than offering this generic explanation, work on merging these benefits with your previous exposure and experiences. By doing so, a more detailed explanation can be provided. It will also allow you to completely develop and present the connected relationship of the early exposure with the future career ambitions / plans.

Scholarship / PERSONAL STATEMENT FOR GKS SCHOLARSHIP 2022_GRADUATE_ ARTS AND DESIGN [3]

The firsdt paragraph does not contain a compelling reason to drive your motivation to study in Korea. Simply wanting to study via the scholarship program, but without a strong reason to do so defeats the purpose of the motivation. The motivation cannot simply be that the student wishes to study in Korea for free, which is what is implied in the first paragraph. Please expand upon how the parents of the applicant influenced and inspired the pursuit of the craft in a manner that helped motivate the early and advanced studies.

The rest of the essay does not provide an impressive or notable buildup of skills on the part of the applicant. The reference to the notable experience is too long and lacking in impact. Though highly detailed, it does not contain any detail of importance that would help boost the application. The actual essay is not focused on responding to all of the prompt requirements and should be revised. This is a good draft and at least shows the direction the paper should be headed in and what areas need complete revision.

Letters / [GKS-G] Letter Of Recommendation on behalf of my PROFFESOR for application to SNU [2]

There are conflicting statements in the recommendation letter. An example of the conflict is with regards to the thesis topic. The first statement was that the thesis topic was suggested by the professor and some other people to the student. In the later part, it appears that the student actually proposed the topic, which was then approved for research. Such lack of clarity in the presentation affects the way that the reviewers may receive the information being presented. Perhaps this is due to the lack of English grammar skills of the writer. It is fairly common for ESL writers to make such conflicting references in their recommendation letters. Basically, the letter will benefit from a professional rewrite to help make it more aligned with the writing standards of the GKS scholarship.

Letters / Motivational Letter for the PhD doctoral course in Computer science [3]

Since there is no specification for the prompt requirement of the motivational letter, I will assume that there is none and review this letter based on the most common requirements for this type of presentation. Take the advice as you will.

Since you are aiming to go into a PhD research based course, the motivational letter needs to be more precise in presentation. Focusing on the clear connection between your work experience, masters research, and reasons for the continuation of the research on a PhD level. The writer needs to be clear about how the mtoivation is based on practical applications, within a real life setting, if possible.

That said, the full first half of this letter can be done away with. Instead, the new version can pick up, with additional information, and a revised presentation format from paragraph 5 onward. Keeping in mind that the new presentation must cover the reasons / motivation as to why the continued research is imperative for the applicant as a career path upon his return home.

Scholarship / Learning and class schedule - Korean/English language study plan [5]

The introduction paragraph is not necessary in this instance. The applicant is over extending the presentation for no reason. Since there are innumerable applicants to the GKS scholarship each cycle, the reviewers appreciate language study plans that are conversational, concise, and on point. Directed responses gain their attention far better than this type of long winded, unfocused format presentations. Ordinarily, a simple discussion tone is more informative than this current format. The conversational explanation helps the reviewers better assess the language skills and continued development plans of the applicant. I realize that it is simpler for the writer to use an outline form for the presentation. However, the bullets do very little to provide any assessment relevant information either than topics that come across as ideas rather than actual study plans that are already in play (before coming to Korea) or will be in play (after arrival in Korea).

Writing Feedback / ITLTS TASK2 ABOUT INTERNATIONAL CONTRIBUTION FOR THOSE IN NEED [2]

When the original prompt refers to something that people think, it is not referring to an argument. The reference "think" indicates a thought or an opinion. An argument does not refer to thoughts. by definition "to argue" refers to to contend in oral disagreement; dispute. The difference in the word definitions make the word choice in the restatement inapplicable to the discussion. More appropriate alternates would have been assume, consider, feel, for starters. Using the wrong alternate word alters the original discussion target. It cannot receive a full task accuracy score due to incorrect word choice.


Why is there a period in the middle of this sentence? This is sloppy writing and shows a lack of care in presentation development. The writer did not proofread before submission. This will receive point deductions due to inaccurate punctuation usage.

There is no need for the writer to kick off his first reasoning paragraph with "In my opinion" since that has already been established in the prompt restatement + personal opinion paragraph. Opening with a topic introduction would have been more effective in this case and increased scoring considerations instead. While there will not be any point deductions, it did not increase the scoring potential either.

Writing Feedback / Ielts task1: children's sport participation - graphs reporting [3]

Always assume that the reader cannot see the image. That is why the writer is being asked to offer an accurate report. He is the only one who can see the image at the point of writing. The examiner is always assumed to be reading the report in a blind state. He is understood to not have a copy nor access to an electronic form of the image. These assumptions are the reasons why the writer should avoid mentioning any image position within the page. The position is not as important as the correct image type identification and accurate summary overview.

There is a one sentence idea or description expectation per sentence. Avoid trying to explain everything in one long sentence. This will prevent a cohesive and coherent understanding of the sentence and paragraph presentations. There will be large GRA deductions when compressed discussions are used in place of properly developed individual sentences in the paragraphs.

The report is incomplete in its presentation. The analysis needs to be fully explained within 3 reporting paragraphs, bringing the total presentation fo 4 paragraphs. The third paragraph is too short as the information is too compressed. Put extra effort into the analysis of the information presented.

Writing Feedback / Annual outlook of a bank. [3]

Do not repeatedly refer to "The Bank" throughout the statement. Consider using other references in relation to the function of the bank. Reference such as financial instution and lenders may be used, depending upon the subject of the sentence. Not only will it remove the redundancy of the presentation, but it will also allow for the clear presentation of an additional banking facet in the presentation.

Based on the target accomplishments in the first sentence, a mention of a workable timeframe for the completion of these tasks would have added a much more hopeful tone to an otherwise monotone presentation that lacks any anticipatory elements. It fails to excite and interest the reader in its current form.

Writing Feedback / Some people think that it would be better for large companies and industry to move to countrysides [2]

Kindly review the original prompt and compare it to the statement presented here. There are several points of difference between the original presentation and the restatement in terms of references, focus, and reason that have affected the current presentation. This should be at least a 3 sentence presentation if it were to properly restate the original and offer a personal opinion with an acceptable thesis reference. Comparing the original prompt with the restatement is essential if one wishes to receive a high baseline score for the test.

The first paragraph will not receive a score as it does not support the personal opinion of the writer. Rather, is confuses the examiner who will wonder why the exam taker is defending the opposing opinion instead of using 2 strong reasons to support his own opinion. The idea behind the prompt is to prove that the advantages are actually disadvantages. It is a written debate based on 2 opposite reasons in each paragraph. That means the writing format is:

Sentence 1: Advantage
Sentence 2: Why?
Sentence 3: Should it be considered a disadvantage?
Sentence 4: Explain
Sentence 5: Present a supporting example in transition sentence form.

As only the 2nd paragraph will receive a score for supporting the presented opinion, the essay cannot be given a score based on a properly developed essay. It is definitely lacking in correct reasoning development. The under-worded concluding summary did not help either. It will result in even more point deductions in the end as it is not composed of at least 3 sentences that offer a summary of the previous discussion.

Book Reports / Comparison Essay Two Stories "The Fox and the Monkey" and "The Fox and The Goat" [2]

The teacher is correct to say that the report suffers in terms of word usage and sentence clarity. While the student has above beginner level English vocabulary, he is not at the intermediate level yet. I would say that the writing skill presented here is not above an elementary level. It has a long way to go in terms of becoming a high school level piece of writing. The other problem the writing has, is related to punctuation mark usage. The student has limited himself to using only full stops, rather than varying the punctuation marks to offer a more varied tone when reading the written work.

It would have also helped if the writer clearly identified which story is being discussed in the paragraphs. Use actual comparisons, rather than combined observations. A professional editor / writer will be able to help you preserve your original thought, while cleaning up the errors that the teacher mentioned.

Writing Feedback / Task 2: More and more vehicles get in use today - fuel price impact on traffic and pollution [2]

The writer has not relayed an accurate prompt restatement based on the original prompt. He has offered a statement based on his own opinion, which is not related to the task, therefore, making his prompt restatement invalid. His opinion is also not very clearly specified as it does not connect to the information from the original presentation in an understandable manner. He has failed to make the prompt restatement + personal opinion coherent. Thereby failing in 2 sections of the test, within this paragraph, immediately.

Now, while the reasoning paragraphs make better sense than the prompt restatement, the statements are over written. The 320 word count provided here cannot realistically be met during the actual test. The writing also shows that the exam taker is trying to pass the test using only word count instead of coherence and cohesiveness in the presentation. Over-explaining does not help because it causes run-on sentences, which will result in GRA deductions due to forced errors in the presentation. It is always better to write no more than 300 words, with a focus on clarity, rather than exaggerated but pointless references as the current presentation often ends up doing.

Writing Feedback / Task 2: the spirit of a small community (benefits and drawbacks) [2]

The minimum word requirement for the task 2 essay is 250 words. There are only 249 words provided in this essay. Though it is only one word short of the minimum, the examiner is still going to apply a minute deduction to the essay as the writer still wrote less than the minimum word requirement. Bear in mind that there are preliminary deductions that can be applied to the score, and these usually relate to word count. While it may not cause a failing score in this case, the exam taker would still wish to avoid any sort of deduction that may have a score lowering effect in the overall consideration.

This is not an opinion essay so the writer is not supposed to offer an opinion within the thesis statement. Rather, the essay asks the writer to merely offer a general insight into the advantages and disadvantages of the topic, without adding a personal opinion to it. Why? This is one of the general discussion types of essays that is offered in the task 2 test. Though the exam taker will not surely be given a similar topic in the actual test, it is best that he learn to write in various forms, just to be prepared. The format that was used for this essay is not acceptable as it does not meet the original prompt requirements. There is a prompt redirection due to the personal opinion presented.

Additionally, the concluding summary requirements are not properly referenced in this essay either. There is no summary and the paragraph is less than the 40 word requirement.

Writing Feedback / The rate of students' satisfaction of some supported-studying services in a university [2]

Actually, the image reference used is not appropriate. There is no diagram presented. Rather, 4 pie charts have been provided for the report. That means, there should be a total of 4 paragraphs presented. Each paired image gets one reporting and analysis paragraph each. The word count should total no more than 200 in this case since there are only 20 minutes provided to write the complete essay. Kindly be careful when identifying the image as that is a part of the task accuracy requirement. The wrong image identification will immediately cause an error in the information presentation that will affect the truthfulness of the presentation. The report must not mislead nor misinform the reader. It will be a cause to fail the test.

The essay also suffers in terms of word accuracy. The terms used are either not referred to in the image or, incorrectly identify parts of the report. These repeated errors will further add to the definite failing score of the essay. The writer should focus on his vocabulary at this point. Though the effort is identifiable in the writing, effort is not scored in this test. This is a failing essay.

Writing Feedback / Write a paragraph of about 180 words about the advantages of electronic devices in learning. [2]

When speaking of electronic devices in relation to learning, it will be best for the writer to specify what these gadgets are and these are useful to or help enhance the learning process. The general descriptive word can be used in the introduction, but specific references should follow.

Though there is a word limitation when it comes to writing, that does not negate the need to use paragraphs in the presentation. Paragraphs are part of English writing fundamentals due to the ease it brings to writing where clarity of thought and explanation focus are essential.

The learning discussion based on electronic devices was eventually lost in favor of the use of the internet in learning. Those are 2 different discussion aspects. It removed the focus from the electronic learning instrument discussion. However, the blackboard explanation is an essential part of the discussion. It was right to give it a specific mention.

Graduate / STATEMENT OF PURPOSE FOR MSC IN PROCESS SYSTEMS DESIGN AND ENGINEERING [2]

Paragraphs 3,4,5, are the only usable paragraphs for a masters sop in this presentation. The revised version must focus on these aspects as these are strongly considered elements in a candidate. These paragraphs must be further enhanced with vital related information to further enhance the applicants undergraduate and professional profile. Targeting a possible master thisis in reference to continuing education is preferable.

The weakest aspects relate to the course and university choices. More in-depth consideration presentations are needed to help emphasize the learning and practical goals of the student. The reasons provided are based on common information, which is not the same as aligned learning outcomes based on program objectives and opportunities.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2, printed books or newspaper will not be buy by online reading [2]

The question is "to what extent?" Therefore, the writer must provide 2 sets of information for his opinion response.

1. The strength of his emotional support for his opinion
2. The reason for his heartfelt response.

These 2 sentences are what will recieve a complete score. The current opinion sentence has 2 faults that will result in a partial and non-score respectively.

1. Incomplete opinion statement. The degree of support is missing.
2. Invalid thesis response. There is no topic reason provided as the opinion basis.

Further deductions will apply based on the improper discussion format. A comparative essay is presented when the task expectation is that of a 2 supporting reason presentation for the writers opinion. The task requirements have not been pproperly met in the reasoning and concluding summary paragraphs. Expect a failing score.

Scholarship / MSC IN IMPACT ENTREPRENEURSHIP [3]

Had you actually bothered to find out what the background, focus, target, and expectations of this program was, then you would not have written a 4 page motivation letter when you should have produced only 1 page. 5 informative paragraphs focusing on:

1. A specific SDG related to environmental entrepreneurship for the intro, the incubation project should have already started at this point.
2. What you have done to achieve it so for and achievements of the working project
3. What your future goals related to the specific SDG are
4. How the promises of this program inspire and motivate you.

Stick to the actual requirements as specified. There actually are required information for the letter. It is not a free for all in terms of content. You just did not care to find out and be sure about it.

Writing Feedback / Essay about building a computer vs buying one [2]

Since the title of this paper focuses on building computers versus buying one, there is no need to confuse the reader by referring to other electronic devices or gadgets. It casts a wide discussion net and contradicts the title of the paper. Keep a narrow topic focus for clear discussion purposes and easily identifiable discussion topics.

It is important not to cite any information in the first paragraph since the topic is merely being established. In fact, the citation is so simple, I cannot understand why the writer thought if necessary to include the statement at that point. It did not add extra ordinary information to the presentation that would have improved the paragraph.

* Limited review provided due to the length and varying review requirements. Reach out to us privately regarding a thorough review process.

Writing Feedback / Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of online course as well as learning online [4]

There is a problem with the implied prompt in this presentation which will prevent me from offering an accurate review of the essay. The writer has chosen to create his own prompt that combines 2 distinctly different topics:

1. Advantages and Disadvantages of Online Classes
2. Advantages and disadvantages of studying an online course

Therefore, the writer will not be able to present a valid discussion for either prompt that can be properly scored within a 4 paragraph presentation. An exam taker practicing for the test should never attempt to create his own prompt for practice essays. It results in a messed up and invalid prompt presentation. It is not reviewable within the required parameters.

I am confused as to which of the 2 aforementioned prompts he is responding to. his title and the content are not connected / the same.

Writing Feedback / The graph below shows information about the preferred activities in Australia and New Zeleand [4]

Beware of spelling errors most specially when it comes to the citizenship reference. The examiner will be deducting points for every spelling error of any sort. It is evidence that a draft was submitted for scoring since no proofreading was undertaken. Remember that failing is scoring sections can result in an overall failing score in the end.

Whe indicating the measurement ratios, always remember to indicate who it refers to first. This brings the sentences into proper structures based on information clarity. The subject always comes before the verb.

Descriptive wordssuch as "are delighted" should be avoided as that is a personal assumption and is not part of the actual image presentation. Straightforward reporting without opinions or alterations are best.

Letters / Management Engineering focusing on circular economy motivation letter [2]

A motivational letter aimed at attending an international university masters course is not an academic and internship biography. The admissions committee is not interested in your past experiences as an undergraduate and pre-professional experience. Rather, they would like to know what sort of career forward thinking mindset you have at this time that dictates an imperative need for advanced theory and advanced internship experience. How are you motivated to achieve future international and national goals in relation to your current and future profession? This essay does not provide that foundational response. As far as a motivational letter revision is concerned, the second and last 2 paragraphs can be used as the focus of the revision.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 ABOUT COMMUNITY WORK [2]


Adolescents are from the age of 10-12. Teenagers cover the ages of 13-19 years. Incorrect word choice and wrong usage in a sentence.


This is a failing prompt restatement. Even as the personal opinion is correctly stated, the wrong topic interpretation is what will cause substantial deductions in the TA score. The pleased selected to present above improperly represents the original statement as this idea is not a part of that topic presentation.


There are those who will refute this claim. Do not make statements related to unchangeable facts in a comparative discussion. It causes disbelief in the statement on the part of the reader.


Nice concluding reference. It offers variety to the memorized conclusion openers. However, the concluding summary is still focused ona new topic presentation. As the proper reverse paraphrase is missing, the essay is open-ended. An essay without a proper conclusion often recieves a failing score due to task format and discussion inaccuracies.

Letters / Erasmus Mundus European Politics and Society – Václav Havel Joint Master - Motivation Letter [3]

The first problem we have with this essay is that it is over the 3000 character count. It has a total of 3665 characters with spaces. So the writer will definitely have to review the total essay and perform some editing on the content. Sentences need to be shortened, paragraphs need to be compressed for meaning, and a review of the target message is in order for this essay. These are actions that the writer may opt to perform himself or hire a professional to do for him. Now, for the motivation letter content problems.


The applicant is admittedly, still an undergraduate at this point, but pursuing a relevant thesis that could very well indicate and provide the platform for his interest in pursing masters studies. As the applicant lacks professional exposure, and seeing as how this not a requirement for the program, he should focus on convincing the consortium that his thesis, if further developed, will have long range positive effects for the European Union - Pakistani trade and political relations. Seeing as how the EU has long been an ally of Pakistan in economic and political development, the motivation of the student must be on the evolving nature of the geopolitical landscape in relation to the specific relationship.

It must convince the consortium members that his study goals and objectives are far more advanced and forward thinking than what is currently presented here. The current essay focuses more on the possibility of a second undergraduate degree, rather than an international masters degree opportunity. So the motivational letter needs to be revised.

The student must think of what he actually wants to accomplish by completing the masters course, rather than just providing general and weak considerations for his interest in the joint major courses. This presentation does not really contain a presentation that would make the consortium members think of him as a valid and potential candidate based on his motivation, internships, and other international relations related activities.

By writing a new essay, the student should also fix the problem with his character count in the presentation.

Writing Feedback / Cambridge 10 Writing Task 3. Practice for my IELTS Exam - Working British students [2]


The writer must reference that there are 2 images provided for the comparison. That is because the information for the graduate and post graduate students are presented in seperated Columnar (rather than bar) charts, or columnar bar charts (for clarity) if you will. Otherwise, the comparison will not make sense as the image in question is not presented as comparative line charts.


Again, differentiate to create clear explanations. Separate the chart information in the discussion based on the image presentation. These information cannot be made to sound as if they came from one image alone because there are 2 images provided. The grammar score and word usage score for this test will definitely be in the failing range due to the writer's inability to properly word and form his explanatory sentences.

Writing Feedback / People are surrounded by marketing and commercial activities. Different implications of advertising [2]


The problem with this response isthat it does notmeet the task accuracy scoring requirementas it applies to the discussion. There cannotbe an equal measure discussion since that is not provided as a response option. The writer can only choose from the provided answer choices. Any choice not within it is a task deviation that will automatically recieve a failing score. This essay is not going to pass as the writer has shown himself to be incapable of responding to questions based on simple choice options.

The test requires the student to prove that he can perform simple discussions in written form, based on a provided format. By altering the discussion instruction and not choosing from within the specific 2 choices, to create a single opinion, based on the original prompt, the writer does not accurately represent the required topic restatement + personal opinion format. The scores are provided based upon how well you follow instructions and choose a response based on the provided outcome results / choices, not how you create your own discussion instruction and outcome results / choices. These are obvious problems and will show that you will not be inclined to follow the teacher's instructions in a classroom setting. If you cannot follow instructions because you want to go your own way in the response, maybe because that is how it works in your local schools, then you are not ready to study in an foreign setting.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK1. The plans show the change of a small theater in 2010 and 2012. [3]


There is a problem with this sentence structure as " picture" is singular, yet the related descriptions for the comparison are in plural form. This indicates that more than one picture will be involved in the review. singular references must be maintained in the presentation, and plural forms should also be maintained. singular and plural references cannot be used as a mix or alternatively in any sentence.


More cutting-edge what? Where is the additional description ? The sentence thought presentation is incomplete? Cutting-edge is meant to describe something ultra modern. since this is just a simple descriptive report, do not use exaggerated words in the description.

Expand the descriptive paragraphs to 3-5 single idea sentences to gain a better C+C score.

* Contact me privately for band scoring.

Scholarship / My paintings and sharing. An attempt to think or do things differently [3]

The applicant has misunderstood the discussion forus. What is written does not classify as an attempt to think or do things differently. The talent showcase participation puts her in a crowd of like minded / artistic people. The response should be focusing on a unique thought or activity instead. The content of this response is rather commonplace, which is not the requirement.

The reviewers will be looking for a unique mindset that could add to the diversity of their student body. For example, a unique thought that could be developed is "I have always wondered if an artificial and working uterus can be created to help women with uterine cancer and transgenders wishing to conceive." Then explaining a thought process behind it and how other people reacted upon hearing you voice it out. The more outrageous the thought or the more taboo a topic, the better for your response. It will show not only an imaginative and diverse mindset, but also forward thinking on your part.

Writing Feedback / Private entities nowadays seem to play a more prominent role in scientific activities [3]


The writer has included a private observation as a part of his topic restatement. This is unacceptable and shall lower the TA score. Considered a topic deviation since this claim is unsupported in the original claim, the writer cannot recieve scoring consideration for this sentence. Only the 2 original claims should be clearly and seperately restated in the first half of the paragraph.



The restatement paragraph required only these 2 thoughts. Each thought should have been represented in 2 thoroughly developed sentence idea presentations. Missing from the paragraph are the 2 related topic thesis sentences to complete the paragraph requirement.



Incorrect discussion format. The question to be responded to is :


The response to which should have been presented in the following formation over 2 paragraphs:

Sentence 1 : Disadvantage introduction
Sentence 2: Explain the disdvantage
Sentence 3: Reason it is actually an advantage
Sentence 4: Explanation of the advantage
Sentence 5: Example that disproves the disadvantage

This is an opinion paper, the writer must defend his stance without indicating both sides are correct, or that both sides have acceptable reasons for being. Since he is asked only for a single response to the question, that is what he must convince the reader of. He must never contradict his first opinion as he risks confusing the readers regarding his true opinion. The result of which is a failed TA and GRA score due to lack of opinion clarity and statement confusion.

* Email me privately regarding comprehensive scoring services.

Scholarship / GKS-G Personal Statements Clinical Psychology ; University Track to Yonsei University [3]

I cannot even begin to analyze the errors in prompt presentation in this essay due to the severe problem with English grammar. The writer is not coherent at all in any of the sentence and paragraph presentations due to a highly obvious inability to properly write in English. That is aside from the lacking information based on the prompt requirements.

The writer does not have any idea regarding how to develop a properly worded and prompt responsive sentence and paragraph presenation. If the writer were to submit this essay as a part of the application package, he will be rejected due to incoherence even before the reviewers finish reading the first nonsensical paragraph.

The best thing that this applicant can do is hire a professional writer to help him develop a more coherent and prompt responsive personal statement. This particular version is beyond any help.

Scholarship / GKS Personal Statement/ Master's Degree in Counseling Psychology [4]

Please be reminded of the topics for discussion as required by the review committee members. The list of topics to thoroughly discuss within 2 pages are outlined prior to the start of the draft. While this personal statement is truly personal in presentation, the writer has not provided the correct responses to at least 3 of the prompt requirements. There is a hyperfocus on the family background and the relationship with its members, information that is not a part of the prompt listing and should therefore be mentioned as briefly as possible or not at all. The educational background and accomplishments are non-existent in this presentation. The professional motivating factors, a must for the experience section are nowhere to to be found and instead, the applicant refers to high school memories and experiences. Thus, this essay will ensure the disqualification of the candidate from the scholarship consideration.

Focus less on "Significant experiences you have had; persons or events that have had a significant influence on you". Balance this out with the other requirements. Right now, the essay is 100 percent focused only on the significant personal experiences and influences. All of the prompts must be equally responded to. This is not a selective prompt response set up.

Scholarship / About my stay in Sweden - SI Scholarship letter of motivation [3]

The response that is required should represent the career path that the applicant will undertake upon his return to his homeland. The work that the applicant will have to handle should clearly refer to the way or method that the knowledge will be applied in the workplace. That means, the applicant must have a post study plan to speak of. The current response fails to represent that plan.

There is no clear application in relation to the knowledge that will be gained as the potential experience is envisioned. Rather the response illustrates only what the candidate hopes to learn and experience, without and clear reason for needing to do so. The response cannot be used due to the lack of relevant discussion. It is imperative that the applicant review the prompt again and respond to the question based on a future application vision rather than a surmising presentation ( in the 2nd paragraph) and an unrelated response (in the 1st paragraph)

Scholarship / NTU SCHOLARSHIP Values and beliefs you hold strongly. How you have demonstrated these. [2]

There is no personal insight in this response. These are mere observations provided as generalized references to the question. These do not qualify as personal values and beliefs. These do not speak of your character as a person. These do not describe how you deal with other people and why. These are mere reflections of our society, in relation to your opinion of the social behavior you have experienced. These are far cries from the actual belief and value system that the reviewer is looking for. These do not really provide a deep insight into who you are and how your character was shaped by values and belief systems held by your family that you continue to use as your life guide or, values and beliefs that you developed on your own, based on your life experiences and lessons. The response is not useful and must be rewritten by the author to better reflect the needs of the prompt. A review of similar question responses can be found at this forum. These may be used as a template for the required version 2.0.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 1 (Chile's demographic from 1975 to 2035, categorized by age) [2]


An incorrect word equivalent usage is present for the word "between' from the original presentation. The alternate words could have been:

In the midst of
bounded by
midway

There are always keywords provided in the original that will test the LR and skills of the exam taker. The word "between" was one of those extra scoring words for the LR section. In this case, the exam taker lost points rather than gained points.

Aside from the word usage concerns, the writer also shows a problem with thought clarity in relation to the cohesiveness and coherence of his paragraphs. He always combines 2 sets of information in one sentence, causing an overly long sentence whose content is not easy to track due to the extremely long sentences. Since there is a maximum 5 sentence allowance per paragraph, he should strive to present the information clearly in specific and individual sentences as opposed to compressed sentence and information presentation. Such confusing sentences will definitely lower the GRA score of the student.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 1 IELTS The charts below show the percentages of the water used in different sectors [2]



In terms of synonyms, the writer chose the wrong word equivalent for the chart. A chart is not the same as a diagram. By definition the difference is:

Chart - a sheet exhibiting information in tabular form or a graphic representation, as by curves, of a dependent variable, as temperature, price, etc.; graph.

Diagram - a figure, usually consisting of a line drawing, made to accompany and illustrate a geometrical theorem, mathematical demonstration, etc.

Based on the difference in word meaning, the word equivalent chosen is incorrect and will cause definite LR score deductions as the writer shows that he is not capable of using a word within the correct meaning.

The summary overview cannot be scored highly due to the confusing information presentation. It neither coherent nor cohesive since it is combining several seperate idea sentences into one run-on sentence. The result of which will cause a failing GRA score.

At this point the writer has already ensured that his essay will receive a failing score, regardless of the content of his reporting paragraphs.

Writing Feedback / The monthly visitors of Tabard Tower Theme Park - Learning IETLS [2]


I cannot say that this is a reliable description of the provided image since the writer did not upload the image guide with the report. It guves me a sense of inaccuracy for some reason. I need to see the image to be sure.


What year was this? Is the writer sure it is a yearly reference? The uncertainty comes from the lack of year mention overall. There is only a monthly / quarterly mention presented.

The task 1 essay normally has 3 paragraphs comprised of the summary + data report. Though the writer wrote more than required, he will still lose points due to the missing paragraph. The report should have been spread over 2 reporting paragraphs to meet the requirement.

Scholarship / Study plan - Fashion, Textile or Designer GKS - 2023 [4]


No. These universities must align themselves with your academic goals and future professional needs. Research should only point to the university option. Research can never be a basis for a study plan.


This is information that should be a part of the language study plan as it deals more with your immersion into the language and culture of Korea. It should be removed as it does not relate to the goal of study and study plan.


Should be removed due to the same reasons stated above. Do not get distracted from the target discussion points. Do not mix the language study plan into this.


Presenting a possible thesis focus can help with the study plan. The overall discussion is too general and lacks considerable specific information for candidate assessment.

Poetry / This is a Poem I wrote. For lovers of literature; you can check it out - or critique it. [5]

The poem is confusing to read. Is it written from a first person perspective? If so, then why is the first stanza written from a second person standpoint? The first stanza should be revised to reflect the first person view as reflected in the succeeding stanzas since that opening stanza is what sets the tone and gives clarity to the next set of presentations. The writer is imaginative, but confused when it comes to using insight as a presentation platform.

The poem also seems to end on a cliffhanger note. Is the person involved already dead or is he still trying to strike a deal with the devil. The last line seems to indicate that he died from his addictions, but this was not made very clear to the reader. Perhaps a stanza inserted before the last one would help clarify that matter.

Scholarship / A Bridge Between Two Countries - Global Korea Scholarship - Personal Statement [2]

This is a truly personal statement that has disregarded the graduate focus of the applicant. It is more about soul searching, a search for ones self, and a desire to connect with a culture that is no longer connected to the applicant. That is not what this scholarship is about. The application will fail due to the lack of merit based on the prompt requirements. The applicant got lost in his / her own personal struggles that the discussion went totally off track in terms of discussing and defending the choice of graduate study course as needing to be completed in Korea. Beyond the intimate search for personal explanations and fulfillment, the essay does not do much to impress the need for academic training in Korea, which is what the scholarship and the essay is all about. A new essay is required. One that is less personal and more focused on delivering the prompt requirements in a less dramatic and personal way. This is afterall, an academic scholarship application and not a Korean visa application.