Undergraduate / Self respect and life lesson - WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU? [2]


This introduction is unnecessary. Since you are limited in character/word count, and the reviewer needs a prompt response, open with a direct response instead. After the direct response, you can expand your explanation as much as the word allowance allows.


Start here immediately.

The second paragraph carries a heavy similarity with the " How would your parents... " prompt response. You cannot duplicate the responses. One of the essays will need to change its response content.

The final paragraph is the strongest presentation here.Try to find away to incorporate it into the first paragraph or, make it a second paragraph. The other option is to lengthen this paragraph to make it a stronger closing statement.

Undergraduate / Conservative upbringing - TELL US ABOUT WHO YOU ARE [2]

The response format is incorrect. This personal statement does not respond to the questions provided. Did you actually read the question, consider the response requirement and other requirements? It appears that you did not. Your response is nowhere near the required information. There is no I reference here. This is about how other people view you per community. So whittle down the response:

Family - see you as an introvert
Friends - you have a sensitive heart
Community - respect your enthusiasm

These are the specific focus points per group. Then talk about just 1 achievement that you are proud of. All other parts of this presentation are irrelevant. It is important that you do not stay in the discussion because the reviewer may stop reading since the deviations are excessive.

Research Papers / Mental Health and the Preemie Parent [2]

Good work on the creation of the discussion premise. The backgrounder and topic statements are quite solid and clearly delivers the topic coverage in terms of discussion points.


Since his research is the primary source of your information, then you need to provide a simple but notable professional background for this doctor. He cannot just be a regular MD. Convince the reader that he is in a position of authority that has led to this research based and evidence supported information. The convincing power of your thesis relies on the factual believability and background of your sources.


Unless otherwise stated, the writer should not use first person pronouns in the presentation. It is a research paper, not a personal opinion presentation. The idea is to allow the reader to come to their own conclusion based on the information presented.

You may use personal pronouns when discussing your personal experience but try to avoid it when giving a general discussion.

Undergraduate / UBC Personal Profile First Question Essay - Adventurous [3]

There are 3 sectors you should be discussing in the statement. This is not a selective option topic. The reviewer needs you to focus on all 3 personality types because the response will give him an idea of your personal character in various settings. So you cannot focus on just your friends and one aspect of your personality. Your adventurous side was a nice touch but irrelevant response. You have not developed the essay in terms of reflecting on one aspect of your personality that will convince the reviewer of a personality trait that would make you an asset to the diverse student community. This is a hodge podge of answers that respond to the prompt, but did not fully account for all the discussion demands. It needs to properly focus and based on character reflection demands.

Scholarship / ERASMUS MUNDUS LETTER OF MOTIVATION ON INTERNATIONAL LAW OF GLOBAL SECURITY PEACE AND DEVELOPMENT [2]

Please review your prompt requirements. There is a missing element in your motivation. The foundation of your interest in the masters program at 2 universities must be reflected. The discussions of which needed to be based upon how your undergraduate studies would reflect to your ability to succeed in studies covering both years. These discussions would carry more weight in the presentation over the paragraph covering TEDTalks. The reference to which is mostly considered weak at the masters level because these web videos are mostly designed to inspire incoming college freshmen. The full discussion is definitely motivation driven, but fails to explain the choice of countries based on the relevant training and exposure you may receive during the terms.

Poetry / My Short Poem; Slave to my Mirror [3]

The title you have provided for the poem is interesting and intriguing. It calls to mind an inner turmoil related to perhaps, a personal mental health struggle. The poem could use further development in terms of stanzas. The poem lacks poetic imagery in terms of development. There is no clear connection between the mirror and the memories of images. Markings on the facial features could be used to trigger thoughts. Imagined ravages could be dealt with through an introspective examination of the reflection of the man. Afterall, the man is seeing his demons within. There should, in my opinion, be at least 4 stanzas in this presentation that covers mirror representation, markings of a slave, and fear of the unknown, what the reality of the mirror representation is, all better represented by an inner analysis of oneself through the chosen themes.

Writing Feedback / Oral communication plays a more vital role than the written one in our life [3]


Remember that the task accuracy score will be based on the clarity of your opinion. Therefore, when you say "this essay will explain why", you are missing out on increasing your TA score based on the proper opinion statement. A proper opinion statement is always supported by a supporting reason or reasons that will be expanded upon in the reasoning paragraphs. By adding reasons to the opinion, your opinion becomes clear, strong, and motivated.


No need to restate your agreement at this point. You should be reflecting this in the concluding summary instead. Kick this off with a direct topic sentence or begin the discussion immediately. Just don't reiterate your opinion yet.

The essay is actually quite strong in terms of reasoning and explanations. The evidence / examples in support of the discussion are also relevant and highly effective. However, the concluding statement is a bit wanting in terms of format compliance. The 2 reasons need to be repeated in a paraphrased way in that section as well. Regardless, I do not see a reason why this essay will not get a passing mark if it were used in an actual test. The overall scoring requirements have been met well enough to recieve a slightly higher than average score.

Scholarship / How do you think you will be able to apply what you learn in workshop in your current position [2]

The most applicable aspect of this response is the fact that you see yourself applying what you will be learning to continue to develop project 4Health with the help of VSSD. This is the most effective response you can provide for the prompt. It clearly shows that you understand what the program is about and how you see it improving your workplace. The idea though, is to expand on this research / project based upon what you will be learning. So, consider the workshop topics. How is each relevant to this career improvement path for you? Why is it essential to the work application?

I do not suggest that you use the second part of your presentation because I do not see it as being as responsive to the question as the opening topic. That is because you are referring to a life dream when the discussion should be about applying what you learn to your current position. See the disconnection? You have to work with your present career, not the dream because your participation in the workshop will be considered based on your current position and its requirements.

Writing Feedback / Despite of some drawbacks, the exchange programme would be beneficial for all teenage students [2]


Wrong reference. The prompt restatement will fail since it does not refer to the correct rephrasement that relates to the point of view of teachers to the international student exchange program. Do not change the original references, but use keywords in its place instead.


Do not offer any additional information in the prompt restatement + personal opinion paragraph. This plus the previous error will already assure that your tentative essay score is already within the failing range.



You are not going to get a TA passing score. You even altered the discussion from a direct advantage v. disadvantage discussion to a compare and contrast + personal opinion response. You definitely proved to the examiner that you did not understand the topic and you have no idea how to restate a simple statement in your own understanding. Your comprehension skills are questionable at this point.

The overall discussion does not focus on the A v. D. discussion. You are using the pro and cons comparison discussion instead, which is not the discussion instruction for this essay. It will not get a passing score because you failed to provide the required discussion format.

The response should have started with, I believe that the program has more advantages than disadvantages. I base this opinion on 2 reasons....

Writing Feedback / Task 2 - Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals [2]



Fix the format of your response to fall more under the response format expectation. Combine these two sentences instead to reflect the measured degree of disagreement:

I agree that... to the extent that I believe...

This type of response presents an unmarked degree, but is still acceptable as a measured response response statement as it has a beginning and end reference to the emotional connection of your belief.

The error of your response lies in the way that you fail to show that people actually still see the value of these events. You separated the relaxation from the learning discussion, causing a disconnect between the two. The more appropriate response was to explain that while the students learn about these events in the classroom, celebrating the actual event helps them do two things: (1) puts what they learned in class into practice and (2) ended up enjoying and relaxing as the excitement of the celebration caught up with them. These 2 considerations would have created a blended and cohesive discussion presentation that remained on focus with regards to the discussion topic.

Writing Feedback / Will the development of AI will make human labour obsolete [2]

I assume that this is your response to the general IELTS discussion. I base this observation on the way that you are tackling the topic using the standard that discussion pornat and the fact that this IS an IELTS essay topic. Which leads me to qquestion why you altered the topic presentation by saying you recently read the article and, that you are going to be discussing the mixed reviles and individual viewpoints. This is a general discussion of your personal opinion so your estatement + response already fail due to the incorrect approach to the original presentation. The important thisis statement is missing. What is your opinion?

The reasoning aspect can only recieve a scoring consideration for the part that says


as this is the only prompt discussion compliant part. Sadly, it will not be enough for the essay to recieve a passing consideration.

Remember the Golden Rules for IELTS Task 2 writing:
- Never change the restatement topic and offer a personal opinion when implied.
- Always focus on the personal opinion defense unless otherwise specified.

Scholarship / Next Korean wave - GKS Personal Statement for Animation master [2]


Regardless of the divorce your father had made a contribution to your character development. Offer a few sentences to that relationship. Consider how the divorce affected you and how animation became an escape. Create a personal connection so that your personal experiences also becomes motivating factors.


Who are they? What projects did they work on? Without this data you are making a questionable claim.


Any wins? It would help create accomplishment highlights as needed.


What was the motivating factor behind this decision? Try to expand on the background as a response to the requirement for significant experiences and risks taken.

The application has definite areas for improvement which can help the applicant become a notable candidate.

Undergraduate / UBC - tell us more about an activity - medical shadowing/internships [2]

Talk about your performance within the activity only. There is no need to discuss how you got into the program nor how it pushed you into your major. That part needs to be implied rather than stated. The middle part of the essay about the activity itself does not need to be changed. Rather it needs to be strengthened as per the writing instructions.

Consider using 2 activities in the discussion I would suggest opposing activities so as to present a well developed field of interest and participation. Do not forget to mention the names of your mentors, supervisors, or anyone who can verify your story. It is a requirement of the presentation.

Undergraduate / Pluralistic, polyphonic, unclassifiable mass - Wellesley College Supplemental [2]


I'm not sure if this section will sit well with the reviewer as the Western world views this as a negative. You better clarify why public opinion is suppressed in your country. That way the reference to writing as giving you a voice makes better sense.


Again, not in the Western world. Refer to this as it applies to Vietnam alone. There must be a clear demarcation between the U.S. and Vietnam as these are countries with opposing cultures.


You still know and believe this. Use the present form of the word.

There are a few sentences where you started with the connecting word "and". Reformat the sentences to not start that way. It makes for an awkward presentation.

Letters / Thanusan - Scholarship Essay - letter of reference by self [2]


Since this is still a recommendation letter, you still need to follow the name format for a referee. Kick it off by saying something creative like, " I am Thanusan's inner self. I have known him since he was born x years ago. This close relationship is why I believe I know him better than he knows his public persona." Such an opening would prepare the reviewer for an indepth personal presentation.

Now, the essay definitely highlights all your possible strengths as a student. You are super when it comes to academics. What about your weak points? The prompt might make it sound optional but believe me, the reviewer wants to know about any academic, personal, or social weakness you would be comfortable sharing as well. He wants to know about your character balance too.

Writing Feedback / [Writing task 2] Computers are becoming essential part of education. Pros & cons [2]


Understood but incorrect. Your focus is on the improvement of education due to computers. The original topic refers to the essential need for computers in education. You accidentally reversed the discussion topic.



When instructed to discuss the A and D, present 2 topic sentences for each focus. That means that a thesis statement is a required scoring element.


Why did you add an instruction to the prompt? The Advantage V. Disadvantage instruction uses a comparative discussion that never requires a personal opinion. Did you notice how you did not give a personal opinion in the restatement paragraph? That is because you consciously knew that the last instruction was not a part of the orginal presentation.

Try to avoid using numerical ordinals when transitioning from one related topic to the next. While numerical counts will recieve scores, the use of advanced transition pleases or sentences help to better boost certain scoring elements in relation to cohesiveness and grammar scoring.

The conclusion is too brief. It lacks the 40 word minimum reference as represented by the discussion summary paraphrase. Always recap the previous points individually, over 5 sentences in the last paragraph.

Scholarship / Motivation Letter for Matriculation and for ICP scholarship [3]

As you have not provided the prompt requirements for this application, I cannot be certain as to how to properly assess your presentation beyond a general review. Take what you can from the following review.

As you pose strong credentials as a student applicant, what I find wanting in this presentation are the reasons that would qualify you for a scholarship. Even as you show evidence of previous study sponsorships, each program has different scholar requirements. What makes you believe you should be one of the sponsored students? Simply being qualified for other scholarships does not meet this scholarship requirements. Prove your worthiness based on scholarship requirements related to your credentials.

Scholarship / Computer Science - Applied for Stipendium Hungaricum scholarship [6]

This is such an empty discussion that it will not pass the screening committee. I would say that this type of presentation would apply for a first undergraduate degree university application. Not for the Hungarium Stipendum scholarship. The presentation is so laid back and relaxed, it fails to respond to the prompt requrements with any factual, insightful, or useful information. This is not the type of essay that a work experienced and career oriented masters student would submit to the review committee. He would know that the program is a globally competitive scholarship that has the best and the brightest in the world vying for sponsorship. They are not going to accept mediocre applicants such as these.

Scholarship / Human and professional - Erasmus Personal Statement: GLOCAL Global Markets and Development pathway [3]


The problem is that you forgot to discuss your previous undergraduate studies due to your overfocus on the relevant seminars, competitions, and other events that you participated in. Did you see that these were placed at the end of the prompt listing? There is a reason for that. The academic connection is more important to the reviewer rather than your later seminar training since you will need to study and achieve academic excellence in the program. Something that can only be achieved through relevant undergraduate studies and professional experience. There is a lack of balance in the discussion. Review the prompt requirements. Try to balance the elements to deliver a well informed essay. Do not hyper focus on just one section.

Scholarship / Academic objectives and Computer engineering [5]

This is the sort of response that a student, who does not have any definitie career plans will give the reviewer. An answer like this will definitely fall into the reject pile due to its lack of insight and potential as both a student and a professional. The writer is just offering a response for the sake of giving a response. He has not tried to create a connected academic and professional goal that can define his studies. He has not said anything that will convince the reviewer that the university will be able to help him achieve anything. The response is one of the most directionless that I have ever seen this application cycle.

Undergraduate / Privilege to collaborate with the United States - The Global UGRAD Program [2]

Why do you keep presuming? I think this is your favorite word. It is such a favorite that you use it tiresomely in this essay. Sometimes, it is even used out of context. You are also tiring the reviewer by constantly pounding in your belief about a borderless world, a citizen of the world, and being a pure blooded whatever. Stop with that tiresome reminder. Yes, you are trying to make a point, but do not keep hammering it in. You will irritate the reviewer since that is not the only point of discussion or consideration for your application.

In fact, the most important part, the one about your being a community leader is only a paragraph long, when it should be the total focus of the essay since you are trying to prove your abilities as a community leader. Where is the name of the organization? What was your role at the start? How did you evolve into a leadership position? What successful acitivities did you ? These are the more important considerations when one is thinking of the applicant in terms of finding:

Writing Feedback / More and more people prefer choosing online courses to learn, than attending regular classes [2]

The essay clearly missing the prompt restatement + personal opinion paragraph. This is the first paragraph that is presented in the essay that covers the self-explanatory presentation. Any essay that is missing this paragraph will automatically receive a failing preliminary assessment score. That is because the writer showed that he is not knowledgable about how English response papers are written. The response paper being a basic and vital part of an English based college curriculum.

Due to the incorrect formatting of the paragraphs, the essay cannot be awarded a passing score, even with the excessive number of words written. That is because the required paragraph representations are lacking or misdirected. When a whole paragraph is extreme importance to the presentation is missing, the examiner will not have a choice but to lower the overall marks for task requirement. It cannot be awarded a passing score.

Writing Feedback / Some people think young people are not ready for crucial positions in the government... [3]

When restating the topic, always seperate the 2 ideas by using 2 individual sentences. While using a compressed sentence, seperated by punctuation marks also works, the more effective and clearer paraphrasing can be better gained by individual sentences as this will allow for more word usage, which in turn allows the paragraph to meet the minimum 3 sentence requirement. There must not be a restatement of the discussion instructions. Rather, the author will recieve a better scoring consideration for a proper personal statement opinion and responding in the proper format. More importantly, the whole paragraph gets a better restatement score for using the correct representation format in the paragraph.


Too soon. This is a 3 reasoning paragraph essay. So that means there have to be 3 paragraphs representing each of the public opinion explanations, based on popular opinion prior to the presentation of the personal opinion that supports a clear public opinion with personal reasons. This essay shall receive a score based on an incomplete discussion format since the author opted to use a 3 paragraph rather than 2 reasoning paragraph format presentation. Why did it become a 3 paragraph presentation? The author clearly stated in the first paragraph that:


. Had a compare and contrast format been used for the discussion paragraphs, then a 2 reasoning paragraph format would have been acceptable.

Scholarship / International Master Global Markets, Local Creativities - Statement of Purpose Draft [2]

The applicant should not open the essay by discussing the accomplishment of someone else. Rather, the opening statement should come in strong and informative based on a success the person has experienced first hand. It does not help when the applicant portrays the image of someone who is heavily influenced by someone else's success. It comes across as that person being weak and only wanting to be a carbon copy of the other person. Where the applicant sees inspiration, the reviewer may only see a person who does not trust in the strength of personal accomplishments.

Referring to the reading material is fine, but should not be so heavily focused as well. These people are not the applicants yet they take up a significant part of the first half of the presentation. Something that only people who are unsure of their own credentials as being acceptable and notable will do. Try to reduce or remove the reference to these people at the start. These may be blended into a later part of the essay as mentions in relation or as relevant to the undertaking or success of the applicant.

Scholarship / Math, more than just numbers and figures - a personal life experience with lessons gained from it [2]

The essay is insightful based on the personal aspect. However, it does not reflect on how it affected those around you. Aside from the caveat of over burdening yourself from your teachers, what other apprehensions did they have? How did they significantly impact your self study of math? What sort of extra help did you get from them? From your parents, how did they support your academic aspirations? Did the extreme focus on the Math studies have any negative effect on your relationship with them? Was it all truly just positive? If they had a chance at a do-over, would they allow you to do this again? Try to explain how your actions affected the communities you belonged to, your school community and your family. Your decision had a wide ranging effect that needs to be further discussed in the essay to help the reviewer understand why this achievement is significant for you.

Letters / Applying for a Master's degree in computer science; MOTIVATIONAL LETTER OF THE STIPENDIUM HUNGARICUM [3]

The first paragraph is a complete waste of the reviewer's time. The reader already knows what the motivation letter is all about so there is no need to remind him of its purpose. Delve into the prompt discussion topics immediately in order to keep his interest. With this presentation, you managed to make him irritated at the lack of information when he has only a limited time to decide if you are a qualified candidate or not for the scholarship. Do not waste it with such an empty paragraph presentation.

There is a lack of professional qualification on your part for the scholarship. I have not gleaned any hands on learning experience from you beyond the possible internship during your undergraduate course. The scholarship requires at least a related work experience to support your motivation for higher studies, usually around the 2 year work experience kind.

The application itself is weak in all required aspects and comes across as too light in discussion presentation. It is almost as if you are too shy to mention your qualifications because you do not have a clear career path before you that can be considered a strong motivation for your application. The essay has references uncertainty which will make the reviewer disregard your qualifications and application.

Writing Feedback / The graph depicts the proportion of releasing carbon dioxide from each citizen among four nations [4]

The summary presentation is worrisome of these presentation paragraphs as you failed to deliver the minimum 3 sentence count for the summarized report. There are also missing punctuation marks in this section. Even if you combined the summary with the trending statement, it still would not have met the minimum sentence requirement for the paragraph. Always write between 3-5 sentences per paragraph. You could have added a reference to the timeline or period of measurement to help achieve the 3 sentence count, and added relevant information to the summary.

While the grammar does not have perfect English, it shows some control over sentence formations. Enough control over the words to allow you to create grammatically imperfect, but understandable sentences and paragraphs. So you will not get a failing score for the essay, but it will not be a high scoring essay either. You have done enough correct work to achieve a basic passing mark.

Writing Feedback / Coffee production and consumption - IELTS writting task 1. (PIE CHART) [2]

For the summary information, try to use specifics for the pie charts. At least mention how many pie charts are involved so that when you mention the information per chart, the reader will have a better idea of how to apply the pie chart information in relation to individual data. The trending paragraph is acceptable since it focuses on a major part of each pie chart. It shows the flow of the images in terms of information dominance.

The main problem in the presentation is the lack of properly developed simple and complex sentences in the paragraphs. The ideas are mostly presented as run-on or compressed sentences, instead of following a proper compare and contrast format for the information, By dividing the ideas into related sentences in the remaining paragraphs, the report will be much clearer and be easier to follow for the reader. The grammar range and accuracy score is limited in the overall presentation because of the run-on sentences.

Undergraduate / Races - What do you do for fun (MIT) [2]

I believe that the essay will be even better if you can add to the fun that you have with your dad while watching the Formula 1 races. It will help enhance your image as a son who knows how to enjoy the company of your parent or male role model. The reference to engineering and mechanics as a fun activity for you is really evident in the essay but should not be the focal point of the"fun" part. Not all of the responses need to lead back to your study interest. It should show another aspect of your personality aside from the budding engineer. This is a good example of how you can use your interest to help build a relationship with your father in a fun way. So try to add to the information about how you do this for fun, with the enhancement of building your relationship with your parent. That will help balance out the "fun" aspect of the discussion. Making this a shared hobby with your dad, focusing only on the Formula 1 aspect, will most certainly help make this a better character and relationship driven essay. An aspect of your personality that will certainly be of interest to the reviewers.

Undergraduate / MIT essay - community question - one way in which you contributed to your community [2]

This is a good start. It shows how you helped the community but, it is an impersonal method of presenting the community activity. Notice that the prompt asks about how you are being a good friend? Yup. That has to factor into the presentation. You have to show that you were able to create a community, help manage the community, and also, be a friend to the community members. For this particular scenario, you can think of writing based on the saying "A friend in need is a friend indeed." to help explain the development of community friendships and personal friendships based on the community commonality.The problem with the writing is that you appear as seperated from the activity in the presentation. You are not developing a personal insight, just responding in a general manner to the question. It is the personal aspect that counts here. It will help reveal how you get along with people of the same or varied interests, as you would in the MIT community.

Writing Feedback / What problems do people older than sixty five usually face? [4]

The prompt restatement is incomplete. The age of the elderly citizen must be mentioned in a new way as this is an integral part of the original topic information. It is not just a general elderly scenario. Additionally, there must be direct topic responses in terms of the connected problems these rapidly aging population pose and, 2 solutions that may be considered by the government. The solutions must be related in topic to the problem topics indicated.

Your discussion style tends to be confusing to read as it flows away from the prescribed discussion topic most of the time. A focus on the problem and government solution is needed in a more precise paragraph. You only need 5 sentences to complete each topic paragraph presentation. A fully developed discussion paragraph will present:

- The problem
- Why it is a problem
- Sugggested government solution
- Why the solution will work

The discussions you present are too busy and not fully relevant to the government responsibility aspect. The presentation of information does not consistently show a government solution based on their responsibility. Rather, it encourages personal solutions, removing the responsibility of the government, which is the basis of the solution discussion. The essay cannot get a passing score since the solution discussion is not in accordance with the discussion instructions.

Letters / Motivation letter for Master's program in Data Science (no specific instructions for the content) [2]

Well, the motivational letter should reflect the reasons for the next step in your career path. It should not be a personal statement where you tell your academic biography and successes. Rather, your current career path should be dictating the content of the motivational letter stemming from the next step in your career (position promotion), solving a problem related to the field you work in (professional motivation), and a lack of theoretical knowledge to help you better perform your task (academic relevance in relation to work needs). These are the simple factors that the reviewers will consider when reading the letter of motivation. As of now, your work is more biographical in content, lacking in acceptable motivating factors. Simply being a person who loves / is interested in learning or continued education does not make for a convincing motivation for academic acceptance.

Undergraduate / MIT essay - How did you manage a situation that didnt go as planned [2]


You definitely do not want your team to glare at you. That would mean they are angry enough to probably be thinking of physically assulting you. Maybe you want to rethink that part? Over dramatization really doesn't help. You tend to choose the incorrect descriptive words. Maybe they stared at your hopelessly? Looked to you for direction? Maybe tell us what the team was expecting you to pull a rabbit out of a hat? Were you the team captain?

If you were the team captain, it would help your statement if, rather than solving the problem yourself, you thought of the solution and engaged the team in the solution application process. That way you portray how your personal insight found a solution to the problem while you shared the glory of solving it with the team. It shows logic and grace under pressure by allowing others to help solve the situation.

Scholarship / Environmental Engineering - PTDF Scholarship Statement of Purpose [2]

Your essay does not reflect your previous studies and your current professional experience in relation to the studies that you will be undertaking. While you do point out what you might learn from the program, there is a disconnection when it comes to reflecting how your current career path will actually benefit from these advanced studies.

There must be more clarity in your presentation regarding the impact of your studies in the overall scheme of program implementation. Think global, not local. Think Green Energy, Clean gases, modified energy sources. Your representation is too scattered. Focus the discussion in a specific area of oil and gas in your country.

You cannot serve so many masters. You must focus on a particular learning need that you know will be helpful to your country. Right now, you are trying to sound like the saviour of your country, which is going to be difficult to achieve owing to the limitations of the masters course. By the way, how to these studies relate to your educational background and career path? Connect these areas with the required discussion points of the essay to create a more solid discussion consideration.

Scholarship / Cultural awareness, helping other people - GLOBAL UGRAD [2]

While you have penned a heartfelt personal statement of the extreme kind in response to the prompt, it does not really apply to the given discussion requirements. The presentation of which, should not be longer than 5 or 6 paragraphs at the most. This is a personal reflection paper. One that fails to expand into the realm of a young leader emerging to help his community. Where is the reference to the (adopted) community that you belonged to? How did your difference in the community actually translate into a positive that shows some sort of leadership traits? Cooperation, camaraderie, civic mindedness, these are traits of a community leader that I fail to see in this writing. Any reference to these characteristics are glossed over in this writing as mere mentions, rather than reasons that would make you an excellent participant in the program. A program that is focused on looking for, and training, emerging international world leaders.

Letters / I'm ready to begin my journey. Motivational letter for BSc in CS (Stipendium Hungaricum Scholarship) [2]

The opening paragraph is not helpful as it does not pose any information that is not known to the consortium. These are internationally known website design information that does not make you stand out from any standpoint. Not from the motivational aspect, not from the purpose considerations. Open the paragraph instead with a statement about the status of the web design field of your country, what you see as its shortcomings, and where you see room for improvement. These will adequately respond to the reasons why you have chosen to study this course at this time and the reasons behind the motivation. It explains why you have chosen to apply to the program. Remember though, the reason why you chose to study in Hungary must coincide with the web design aspect of your intentions anything related to UI, analytics, and data gathering as emanating from Hungarian expertise will help your application.

Writing Feedback / Virtual conversations have become more common than the direct communication. Pros & cons [2]

You just confused the examiner with your first paragraph statement. It looks like a dictionary vomited on the paragraph with your use of advanced English words which, rather than improving your score, will force a failure based on LR incapacities. It is easy to open a dictionary when you are practicing the test, and choose the most impressive sounding advanced English words to create your paragraph. Nothing wrong with that. The problem, is that the words you have chosen to use throughout the essay are nothing more than a misguided attempt to impress the examiner with a non-existent knowledge of advanced English language and word usage. The test is not about vocabulary usage, it is about how well you use basic, simple, everyday English words to compose an understandable English paragraph. When you use advanced words out of context, you fail to achieve that target. Write another essay, this time, do not use a dictionary when writing. Use your actual knowledge of basic or intermediate English words to express yourself. Then I will be able to properly assess your writing abilities and comprehension skills. Right now though, you have just failed the writing test.

Writing Feedback / 'Nowadays many young people leave home at an early age to either study or work in another city'. [2]


People is a plural reference to "person". "City" is a singular reference to "Cities", the plural form of the word. You must use consistent numerical references. Singular references for singular statements, and plural statements for plural subject references. Points lost for grammar knowledge and word usage accuracy.


Prompt topic deviation. The original prompt merely referred to a question of the advantage or disadvantage of this topic. There was no worry nor debate about it. You will lose points for misinterpreting the original topic in your restatement.


Points lost yet again for not answering in the required format. Do you see this as an advantage or disadvantage? You need not use flowery words of wisdom, you need to be direct to the point and clearly responsive to the task question.

First and primary scoring consideration for the essay response has already failed at this point. It leaves the exam taker with very little leeway to pass the test. It will be next to impossible due to lack of grammar control, obvious lack of English comprehension skills, and incorrect opinion statement format. There is no sense in reviewing the rest of the essay since it has already failed to meet the minimum passing requirements.

Graduate / MS in Human Computer Interaction | Statement of Purpose [2]

It is difficult to say that you can use this essay across all the universities with little to no changes in your statement of purpose. Universities at this level have specific prompt discussion requirements that will force you to write fresh essays whenever possible. Universities have a way of finding out if you are using a template response with little to no revisions. The students who practice this method of application often find themselves not accepted in their target university / ties.

Try not to use a rhetorical approach to your opening statement. The reviewer will only give you 1 paragraph to catch his attention with your information specifics, wasting your time allottment by providing creative opening paragraphs will not help your cause. Go directly to the point by opening with a statement that merges the exact purpose of your study based upon your academic reason for returning to school and your career advancement. Impress the reviewer with these facts and you will find that you will have a more impressive and attention grabbing presentation.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Some people say that when dividing how taxes should be spent...... [2]

There is a 40 minute limitation on this writing task. As such, you cannot approach this as a scientific paper or college thesis presentation of almost 500 words. Rather, you must write a simple personal opinion of no more than 300 words as you have to focus not on the advanced word usage, not on the length of the essay, but on the quality of the quick explanation and reasoning that you will be providing.

You already committed an automatic failing score error in the first paragraph when you failed to properly reflect a simple prompt restatement and an accurate, measured personal opinion as required in that section. Regardless of your thesis statement, you must meet the formatting requirement for the response first. That means, no lengthy discussion of your personal opinion in the segment. Just a simple retelling of the required elements and quick presentation of the personal opinion with a short thesis statement. The essay, even though it is extremely long, has already recieved a failing score. All because you chose to disregard the scoring elements of the presentation.

This is just a simple, general discussion, you turned it into a college level thesis. That is not the requirement. The test is for a general discussion, without specific discussion targets, just base your opinion on the general sentiment. It is not meant to be over complicated. Not with only 40 minutes to write the draft and perfect the grammar. The latter is something that you failed to do when your score is based on grammar usage. Long essays force grammar errors and under developed paragraphs. This is what happened in your case.