Anhy chan
Mar 27, 2017
Writing Feedback / Sports stadium - the changes in an American town between 1948 and 2010. [5]
@Reza_Hidayat
Mr Reza, your overview seems unclear since you just exhibit a very general statement in your introductory sentence. Moreover, try to make your essay more flow in your first body paragraph in order to use a variety of sentence and linking words. Beside that, you have to put more attention on your word choosen to make it coherence. Following this, a slight gramatical range still shown, such as:
Was been relocated -------- Was relocated (Passive voice)
Factories disappeared and it transformed into airport ------ Factories disappeared and transformed into airport (Make it simply, because "it" refer to factory"
@Reza_Hidayat
Mr Reza, your overview seems unclear since you just exhibit a very general statement in your introductory sentence. Moreover, try to make your essay more flow in your first body paragraph in order to use a variety of sentence and linking words. Beside that, you have to put more attention on your word choosen to make it coherence. Following this, a slight gramatical range still shown, such as:
Was been relocated -------- Was relocated (Passive voice)
Factories disappeared and it transformed into airport ------ Factories disappeared and transformed into airport (Make it simply, because "it" refer to factory"