Writing Feedback / IELTS: 'economic, diplomacy, and environmental' - most popular career choices for youth in Indonesia [4]

What do you feel will be most popular career choices for young people in your country in the next five years? Explain your answer with examples.

One of benchmark from individuals succes is their career. There are a lot of inhabitants in my country particularly build their career from young age. They apply a job in a great company to get succes in their career. Specifically, there are several popular career in my country will be choosen in the next five years. Those are soctors of Economic, diplomacy, and environmental.

My country, Indonesia will toward ASEAN Community next year. It does mean economic growth of Indonesia is depend on ASEAN Countries stability. Therefore, almost all universities in Indonesia use ASEAN Economic system to teach their students. Because of that economic sector will be populer career when those students graduated from their college. While diplomacy sector is also important to make stability across Association of South East Asia Nation countries. Recently, Indonesian president, Mr. Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono, pay more attention for Indonesian diplomacy among 10 countries in south east Asia. He will do remuneration for citizen who work on international relation sector. That policy would increase people interest to take a job for diplomacy.

On the other side, climate change and environmental crime in my country are affect nature's activists to hire more staff and pay them with high sallary. Predictably, global warming will more terrible next year and further year. That condition would lead to increasing environmental concern in every companies and institution. Further more, environmental sector will be popular career for next few years later.

After analize Indonesian condition among three popular career above, I believe that diplomacy will be most popular career for next several years. I tend to be convinced that diplomacy theory would causes all sectors and influence the career in the future. According to the theory, Indonesian Inhabitants probably would concern to learn international relations and looking for job in relation to diplomacy. So, it will be most popular career.

To sum in the nutshell, in my country, Indonesia, would have three popular career such as sector of economic, diplomacy, and environmental. Those sectors will become popular because of either Indonesian conditions or international agreement between My country and ASEAN countries. From three sectors, only diplomacy sector can lead all popular career. So diplomacy will be most popular career in next five year in Indonesia.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: "the best teacher in children's live is their parents"; how to be a good member of society [2]

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good member of society. Other, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Informal education is the most important for improve human capability to be mingle to the society. Be good member of the public is one part of informal education and it should be learned from kids. Some folks believe that mother and father should teach their children how to be quality member of society. Whereas, the others tend to be convinced that school is the right place to learn this.

According to research from UNESCO that argues "the best teacher in children's live is their parents", some people believe that parents are a great teacher to their children and teach how to be good part of society. Because of the children have chemistry with their mother and father, so they would be comfortable when they parents teach them about social life. On the other hand, in the fact, parents' conditions at the moment are really busy to work, so they have not more time to teach their children. Moreover, there are a lot of parents believe that school is good enough to learn anything including society life.

In theory of education, school is best spot to learn everything either social life or other. Whereas, practically, school only the place that give principle to be best part of society. On the other words, schools are never giving an instance how to be great in the public.

In my personal opinion, both of school and parents' envelope should be equal. Because of school is teaching theory, whereas parents are giving an example how to implement that theory in relation to be good in social life. Apparently, both of them are interdependence, so to teach the children not only need role of parents but they also need to be teaching the theory from school.

To conclude, parents are important part to give an example and implement the theory how to be good member in society. Besides, school is an important part to teach the children theories in order to be quality in social life.

Writing Feedback / Countries developing are main problem in relation to environment degradation and pollution; IELTS [NEW]

Some people think pollution and damage of environment are resulted from a country developing and becoming richer, and this is hard to be avoided to what extent do you agree or disagree.

Some of inhabitants believe that countries developing and becoming richer cause pollution and environment degradation, and this is difficult to prevent the phenomena. I agree with that, because of several reasons and example that will be explained bellow, whereas there are a few issues have disputed that.

Either developing countries or becoming richer usually has much dirt caused by the fabrics inside those countries. For example, India, a country developing, has a lot of automotive factory such as Bajaj, and Golem. Those industries produce pollution and sewage plant that cause damage of environment. Apparently, the government in country developing and becoming richer did not pay attention for the phenomena. The result of research from United Nation Environmental Program (UNEP) ha shows that government policy each country determine amount of pollution. UNEP Shows government's policy in Japan, a country becoming richer, is affect environment condition. The policy gives negative impact to pollution either air or water.

According to the research, I firmly believe that the country developing and becoming richer is a trouble maker of pollution and environment degradation, nevertheless there are several issues that dispute the argument. For example, the issue of Kyoto Agreement told that Africa, poor country, is the main country that makes the pollution becoming bad. Another issue as nuclear' war between Iran and USA had become main issue in order to damage of environmental. Even tough, none someone or researcher can prove the issues until now.

To sum up, in developing country and becoming richer need more income by build more industry and fabrics. Activities inside those have caused more pollution. That's why; countries developing are main problem in relation to environment degradation and pollution.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: improving sports facilities can increase public health but other factors are also important [2]

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is the increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effects on public health and that other measure is required.

discuss both views and give your opinion.

There are many options to improve healthy citizens nowadays. Some people assume that growing the total of sports facilities is the most important to rising national fitness. While it is reasonable, I tend to believe that this progressive improvement is unlikely influence potentially in public health and the other reasonable possibility is needed.

Some people believe the total numbers of sporting local facilities determines unambiguously the percentage of community's health condition. As a straightforward example, 85 percent of citizen in Jakarta have a positive general fit test. It is caused by a lot of sports centers show an upward trend in the state. While it is measurable, we should realize that there are several factors are required to increase public health.

I am of the opinion that sport facilities exceedingly likely will not help public health and other factors need to be considered. Evidence for this is provided by the health condition of local inhabitants in Singapore is considerably drop-down in recent year; nevertheless, Singapore's government always increased a number of sports infrastructures year by year. This case caused by a lot of smokers and high consumption of unhealthy meals in the country. As the solutions of this problem, the government replaces tobacco cigarette to be electric cigarette and build more healthy foods centers. Those solutions must be seriously considered to pump up the percentage of public health.

On balance, improving sports facilities probably can increase healthy in publicity, even though unhealthy lifestyles such as smoking tobacco cigarette and consuming fast food play important role to increase public health. Therefore, we should pay more attentions to the other factors, alongside increasing a number of sports infrastructures, to stimulate health status of population.

Writing Feedback / Working habits are significantly changed - people can work from home using modern technology [3]

I need your help to improve my IELTS writing. So please you can give comments, suggestions and advices about Grammar Issues, Task Responses, Flow sentence, and Vocabulary uses. I would be pleased if you give comments with your best sample. Thank you :)

Recently some people can work from home using modern technology. Some think this only benefits the workers, but not the employers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Working habits are significantly changed by remarkable innovation in technology. Some people throughout the world are contemporary using such innovation to finish their job without spending an average of full working week on their office. While it gives a clear advantage to the employees and their managers, I tend to be convinced that such a case gives a definite disadvantage to the employers.

An overwhelming majority of staffs in several companies nowadays are using internet connection to send their work reports. As straightforward example, 89 % of employees in Multinational Companies send the sales report by electronic mail to their employers. It is as the managers should recapitulate the report quickly to get greater profit. Consequently, the staffs do not need to spend their time to go to the workplace when they know the sales report at home. Furthermore, the employers can earn huge surplus by receiving the sales review. Thanks to the modern technology as it can reduce sedentary activity at office and improve company's profit.

Apparently, modern technology can disturb employers to make their business success in particular condition.
The evidence of this case can be seen that a half of Japanese companies inflict a financial loss throughout this year. it happens as all networking systems in the companies hacked by their rivals when their employees send work report to the managers. As a result, their secret data spread among their competitors. Finally the companies cannot get a profit or even some of them are loss. It is clear that employers get a drawback from the modern technology.

The aforementioned evidence shows that advanced in technology can give the merits to employers and their staff by using internet connection. However, it can be danger to companies and their managers when they do not careful with the possibility of hacking activity. Therefore, either employers or employees should be aware to use this technology as it can profit their companies as well as can be danger.

Writing Feedback / Using animals as a tools. Animals' right regulation has generated a great deal of discussions. [3]

Essay topic:

Some people think that it is acceptable to use the animals in any way for benefit od human being. While others think that it is not justifiable discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Animals' right regulation has generated a great deal of discussions. For this reason, some people believed that using animals to everything that people want for beneficial purpose is more likely acceptable. However, others argue that it is unforgivable as animals are also inhabitants in the world. While it is reasonable, I am totally convinced that there are several measurements to consider using animals such as species extinction, food chains, and respecting green idea.

On the one hand, animals can bring a numerous number of advantages to human life. So, people argue that it is acceptable to use them in any way. As a straightforward example, people can use a cow and the other animals as their food. Again, they are not only eating something from a cow but also use the skin or even use their ability in agriculture. Therefore, animals are completely essential for human life to help them in the predictability of everyday life. Thanks to animals bring a great benefit for people; they believe that it is acceptable to kill them. Yet, there is an ethical side to refuse the argument.

On the other hand, some people believe that using animals without considering their condition is an unforgivable activity. It is because animals are also inhabitants in this earth. For instance, if people kill bluntly and regularly the animals only for their necessary, it is not humanism. As a consequence, animal rights are regulated to take up against the perception of using animal in any way. Therefore, animal should not be used to human benefit if it is not urgent and is inappropriate.

The animals, I am of opinion, should be deserved and should keep them as there is a number of measurements. First of all, the species which are going to extinct are completely dangerous for humans' life. If all animals, which have a small number habitat in the world, do not exist anymore, people will not have food resources anymore from the animals. Secondly, the case can break of the food chains which have already existed on many years. Lastly, as food chains are getting rid off, it will damage considerably nature surrounding. Consequently, it will be serious as a problem of humans' life if people use animals to their benefit of human being.

In conclusion, although animals are tremendously useful for human life, people should pay more attention to the animal's condition as it can be dangerous for environment. Where possible, people can use or kill animals, while they should make a conservation to deserve them. It can keep environmental from untold damage and deserve food chains.

Writing Feedback / ENIGMA = is traffic congestion the resposiblility of individuals or governments? [2]

(IELTS Task II)

Question :
Some people say that, to reduce traffic congestion in large cities, governments should act to reduce the number of cars on the roads. Others say that it is the responsibility of individuals to use car less and public transport more.

Discuss both these view and give your opinion.

Road traffic jams continue to remain a major problem for most cities around the world. For this reason, some people assume that curtailing massive traffic explosion is government's responsibility in that majority local councils in vast numbers of metropolises have regulatory authority in reducing a number of automobiles on the road by implementing a policy. Nevertheless, this situation is alarming a group of urban sprawl's experts who advocate citizens to avoid using their private cars and to encourage them using public vehicles as the experts believe that the problem is the responsibility of individuals. While both arguments are reasonable, I comprehensively believe that government should intermingle with citizens so as to overcome congestion.

Governments play a key role to alleviate this problem. What cities need to reduce a number of cars is strict regulation from the executives such as driving restriction policy. Taking Beijing as an obvious example, the city has been implementing transportation demand management regulation aimed for restricting automobile travel through streets such as the restriction of cars that could enter common roads during certain periods in recent decades. A result shows that 40% daily reduction of private vehicles in 2008 was reported after comparing the data for vehicle emissions before and after the following policy was carried out.

Conversely, citizens are encouraged to avoid using their cars and should change their ways to travel to public transports. Individuals play an important role to decline road traffic jams when they have awareness in traffic jam. The evidence of this case is provided by a condition in the US. Transportation institute's 2011 mobility reports that congestion in the US has decreased substantially over the last 25 years because American citizens prevent from using their own car and moving to MRT as their methods to travel. It proves that Traffic jam can be solved as long as the citizens have a high concern for using public vehicles.

I am of opinion; a strict policy cannot reduce congestion unless the citizens support government policy on using public transport and vice versa. Therefore, government and citizens should support each other to solve the problem together. Both of them cannot close their eyes and blame each other as congestion problem is a responsibility of a government as well as citizens.

In conclusion, while government can formulate a policy to confine a number of private cars on the roads and individuals have a high concern for using public transport; congestion cannot be solved if citizens and government do not stand for each other.

Writing Feedback / International education; most significant current project to process humanizing mankind to the point [6]

Topic = Doing further studies aboard has become increasingly common in recent decades. How might the advantages of studying in another country outweigh the disadvantages?

Answer =

International education is the most significant current project to process humanizing mankind to the point. For this reason, studying aboard is becoming more popular in recent years and thus to generate a great deal of discussion. Such a choice has produced a drawback for students as the language barrier can be a problem when they should be involved in local community. However, I strongly believe that more benefits can be reached by studying abroad if compared to the disadvantage as students who are determined to study abroad will meet internationally' recognized qualification. Moreover they also get opportunity to attend a prestigious university, and it can encourage them to be more expert in their fields.

The first positive effect is that qualifications reached from other countries can open the door to better job opportunities. Students who study abroad can definitely speak foreign language fluently. This is because they have already familiarized with such a language. Therefore, they can be easily to apply for vacancy in different countries as employers particularly from Multinational Companies are highly considered people who have different degrees compared to their original passport culture.

In addition, what people want by studying abroad is to attend a great university. People commonly want to attend the higher ranking university in the world, and it is usually in other countries. As an obvious example, Indonesian students can attend the 20 best universities in the world by going to Europe or the US. As a result they can be involved in prestigious students in the university. Moreover, they also can be more qualified in their fields if compared to students who tend to study locally inasmuch as students who study abroad can be taught by eminent university professors.

Nevertheless, a detrimental effect occurs from studying abroad when students should completely understand the foreign language which is conducted in lecturer activities. Students are more likely to get rudimentary grasp when they cannot follow the lecturer understandably. Consequently, they may define the situation as a terrible moment. Furthermore, they probably cannot complete the requirement to finish their study.

On balance, thus, I completely believe that student can get more advantages of studying in other countries rather than the advantage. This trend should be encouraged so that students who study abroad can continue enjoying the benefits of studying in international environment.

Writing Feedback / People are unaware of their original culture and it can damage a number of identities in the world [4]

Question = as mass communication and transport continue to grow, societies are become and more alike leading to phenomenon known as globalization. some people fear that globalization will inevitably lead to the total loss of cultural identity. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

Answer :

International relations among countries are becoming much better at the moment. Such a case leads to easy of communication and transportation around the world and thus to generate globalization. For this reason, some people argue that this phenomenon can give tremendous positive effects on cultural diversity inasmuch as people can be more aware with their own passport culture. Nevertheless, the phenomenon is alarming cultural activists. They argue that internationalization effects are similar to centralization effects which lead people to leave conventional perspective. While the possibility of benefits can be occurred by globalization, I would support the argument of the cultural activists as there have been some cases which have proved the statement.

People awareness in culture will be increased by globalization. This is because they will preserve their local cultures as long as they know other cultures. This situation is supported by multicultural theory which is found by Thomas Openheimer. The theory explains that cultural identity will still exist in the world when people know other cultural identities from other parts of the world. Then, Openheimer argues that there is a very real possibility that easy communication in the world will produce new cultures by mixing the cultural identities. Based on the theory, cultural identity would not be extinction when globalization occurs. However, many cultural activists have been taking up against the ideology by showing the evidence which has been appealed in several parts throughout the world.

Apparently, internationalization has decreased a great deal of cultural identities. The several cases have been proving the statement. Firstly, people in India feel that they lose their cultural identities because of globalization. So as to follow modern life style, Indian people tend to wear clothes which are globally popular in the particular seasons. As a result, Indian citizens start to leave their traditional costumes. Secondly, young people in Indonesia are more likely to change their musical instruments to be electric guitars, drums, or compact disc jockey. They start to leave their traditional musical instruments such as Angklung, Kecapi, Tifa, and Tanjidor. Consequently, youth generations in Indonesia do not know how to use their original musical instruments.

The aforementioned evidence shows that globalization may give positive impacts on societies whereas the phenomenon is completely dangerous in other aspects because cultural identities can be disappeared by the phenomenon. Where possible, people are unaware of their original culture and it can damage a number of cultural identities in the world.

Writing Feedback / World's population has peaked at a geometric rate in this day and age. IELTS WRITING TASK II [4]

I realize that my writing is not good as my pattern has been changing over several days. Therefore, I need your suggestions and comments.

QUESTION:
The continued rise in the worlds population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at present time.
What are the causes of this contnued rise?
Do you agree that it is greatest problem faced by humanity?

ANSWER:

World's population has peaked at a geometric rate in this day and age. This situation is alarming urban sprawl experts who conduct research to analyze a contributory factor of the growth of world populations. The result is surprisingly astonished as birth rates have apparently decreased in several decades but the number of populations is continuing to experience an upward trend. Thanks to the fact, some people argue that the phenomenon leads a serious problem to humankind inasmuch as the increase of densely populated areas is a cause of a poor socioeconomic development. Thus, I would support the reason in that human consumption of renewable resources is already overshooting Earth's capacity.

Birth rates are falling but the number women and men are more likely to have children keeping on growing. This is because population momentum had been occurring several decades ago. Urban sprawl experts who involve in UNDP research project on the case in 1990 said that due to a great number of birth rates in 1980s, an overwhelming number of populations have been soaring recently. Such an implication is a main factor of population burst at the moment.

This condition has been grabbing public attention inasmuch as some people said that the circumstance is a crucial problem faced by society. In their views, population burst has caused a gap between social and economical developments. As an obvious example, developing countries such as India, China, and Indonesia have a problem to build their economic and social conditions. These situations are caused by a great number of citizens that the countries have. Consequently, public opinion is appealing when they see the case as a significant problem for the essential aspects of life.

Apparently, the problem of a boom in world's population is not only cause one deleterious effect on humanity. I am of opinion, a great number of societies impact on environmental. The evidence of this case is provided by research which is conducted by professors at Leuphana Unversity, Germany. They point out that people are going to witness a catastrophic effect on earth owing to dense populations. Furthermore, they predict that doomsday will be much close if people do not want to overcome the problem. Therefore, it is undeniable that the significant growth of citizens impacts on several detrimental effects.

In conclusion, population momentum in the old days has been generating the population burst which cause several serious problems faced by humanity. It is imperative that people should be aware of the danger to the situation.

Writing Feedback / Event to reduce a tension between ASEAN students, which promoted tolerance and reconciliation [3]

Please comment my essay as I am going to submit my application.

Tell us about your personal experience of issues related to the UNAOC mandate and how this affects the work that you currently do or hope to do in the future? (Maximum 250 words)

Indonesia has more than 300 ethnic groups, and those are different compared with other ASEAN countries whereas those countries are commonly believed that those have stemmed from both proximity and serumpun (kinship) spirit. This condition has grabbed my attention in that sensitivity is becoming far higher especially when it comes to facing ASEAN Community.

When ASEAN Culture Week was held at University Malaya, Malaysia several years ago, I had been facing a difficulty to organize a discussion among other participants from different ASEAN countries as it was extremely sensitive when we had been discussing about religion and language during the programs. I have been fascinated that the event which purpose to reduce a tension between ASEAN students had succeeded to promote tolerance and reconciliation.

The experience has generated a great deal of ideas about my though, and it is effecting my career at the moment, I have implemented several ideas that I got in ASEAN culture week to organize senator programs in terms of Fostering Peaceful, Inclusive Societies and Countering Radicalization in Indonesia. Furthermore, there is a very real possibility that the experience has affected my innovation on planning project which others youth activists from ASEAN Countries and I are planning for in the end of this year. What's more, as a graduate (majoring international relations), I will promote a peaceful dialog and tolerance in the programs as it will be an interesting event, and it can build step stone to be "unity in diversity".

What international events or programs have you participated in related to your line of work and the work of UNAOC and EF? What did you learn in these instances and what do you feel you still need to learn or develop from participating in such programs? What was a highlight or challenge of learning with and from people of different cultures, faiths, and countries? (Maximum 250 words)

Unity in Diversity. These words which are a slogan of ASEAN community have drawn my attention to devote my self-involving in an annual big international event, It is commonly known as Indonesian + ASEAN youth Jamboree. In 2014, I dedicated myself to be a head of steering committee in the event which was held in Yogyakarta, Western of Indonesia. By 10 months preparation, I and my team had been successful in making the event becoming more incredible as we designed the event by considering cultural and religion dissimilarity among participants.

In the event, I have made in-deep discussion in terms of religion and cultural diversity. I was tremendously enthusiastic about the discussion as I had learned how to make differences especially in religion and cultural becoming a key role to make integrity. As a consequence, I proposed a big event which related to the topics in the end of this year, and delegates from other countries accepted my idea at the meantime. At the moment, I and several youth representatives from ASEAN countries are preparing the event to be held in Jakarta at the end of this year. Therefore, there is no doubt in my mind to increase my knowledge in cultural and religion diversity prior to the event as it can be a great challenge for myself to lead several people which have different backgrounds, ideas, cultures, and religion.

How do you expect your participation in the Summer School will impact your professional and community activity? What plans do you have after the School and what platform or network do you have in place to apply your new skills? What relevant follow-up activities do you intend to conduct to advance the objectives of the Summer School? (Maximum 250 words)

I am working for Regional Representative Council as a special staff (the youngest staff) of senator members, In the committee III which concerns in the sector of education, religion, culture, youth and sport. Therefore, I strongly believe that the summer school can give benefits for my future career as International experiences are required to pursue my higher grade in the institution. Moreover, as one of youth activists which lead several youth organizations from a regional level to a national level, I will share what I get in the summer school to my organizations.

I have several ambitious planning which consists of short-term and long-term projects. As I mention in the previous answer, I plan to make a program which is my short-term planning, called "Unity in Cultural and Religion Diversity" to further discussion from Indonesia + ASEAN youth Jamboree 2014. Thus, if it is possible, I will invite several participants in the summer school to engage in the program which will be held in the end of this year. What's more, my employers and I plan to make a big event to organize an international conference that mainly concerns in conflict resolution on cultural diversity in the end of 2016.