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Posts by hirani03
Name: HIKUMA HIRANI
Joined: Aug 14, 2016
Last Post: Oct 27, 2016
Threads: 36
Posts: 46  
From: Indonesia
School: Smart ILC

Displayed posts: 82 / page 1 of 3
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hirani03   
Aug 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / Continuing Study to University Contrasted to Working or Traveling [2]

This is a writing based on the question below, in IELTS reading Test.

In some countries young people are encourage to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Continuation of Study



Nowadays, after graduating senior high school, the student has so many choices to do. They may continue to the university, or just take a break. In some countries, young people persuade to take a trip or to take an occupation. In my opinion, there are two benefits and two drawbacks.

The first point for the benefit of taking job or traveling is the gapper can find their passion. To perform working or journey, childhood will meet new people. They can learn many things from them. Youth can attain experience and new knowledge there. Finding this passion is able to occur when they try to explore other things that they never did before. It can be obtained from working, even only a year. Young teenagers also have much free time. This is the best way to take a trip. By journey they will meet so many people in different background. They are capable of getting new inspiration there. The second point is having a fresh mind. After exploring many places and working for a year, they already have experience. It is means the adolescence have an open mind. It helps them to decide what major they need to take, where they should study in university. They already have their target. The young generation can also get more information from their friends who previously in the university.

The drawbacks cover two things. The first drawback is the young people automatically must review their learning material when they were in the school. This is because the youthful require memorizing again their study to pass the examination of the campus where they want to join. Young generation must learn more and more to catch the target. The second disadvantage is late in graduating. The gapper will be slower in getting their degree compared with their friend in senior high school. It is because they are late in joining the universities as students compare with their friends which are continue to the university without break.

To conclude, I believe that the benefits of postponing study in university are better. Finding passions during journey and working will lead the adolescence to attain the targets at the time of studying in university. Passion will show the way they can choose in the future. Passion will inspire them to do some interesting things to innovate.
hirani03   
Aug 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / [Task 2] What makes a good teacher? Training or personal qualities? [4]

Hello yon959..
Here are some feedback that I can give you after reading your essay.

1. For instance, one of my secondary teachers is my life-long guiding person who does notdid not only teach me the knowledge but guides guided me to differentiate the rightthing and wrong thing . PassionatedPassionate teachers can impress students with their ...

2. Personal qualities of teacher do not only shapeconstruct the teachers themselves but also our students.

Keep writing and sharing.
hirani03   
Aug 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / I accept as true that studying history and literature are needed by students [5]

Hai halim...
I have read your essay. These are some corrections from me.

1. However, others reasonother reasons that science and mathematics ...
Even though these are ideas could be accepted to some contextcontexts , here I will be give summary to contribute both of them.

2. For instance, they need for knowingto know World War I, World War II, and ...
When they could identify of them, it makes the huge ...
... they recognize many cases such as politicalpolitics , economics, world history, ...

3. From the other sidesides , I think that for learning science ...

... individual must pick up about of themtheir subject lesson in the school.
hirani03   
Aug 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1: Explaining two tables about the reasons to travel abroad and the destinations [4]

There are two tables that show some information. The first table is about the reasons of people going abroad. The second table gives data about the target county of tourist visited. Both of tables give data since 1994 until 1998.

There are four reasons of visitors go out of the country. There are for holiday, for business, for meeting their relatives and friends, and other reasons. The commonest reason for foreign tourists to go abroad is holiday. Lot of people went to holiday in 1998. It was around 20000 people. The fewest is in the 1995. It was not more than 15000 people. Other reasons are the lowest motive to come overseas.

The targets to break on abroad were divided into three destinations. They are Western Europe, North America and other countries. The highest visitor came to Western Europe, while North America got the lowest guest in 1998. In 1995, the tourists attended less than a thousand in North America.



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hirani03   
Aug 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / Peripheral Vision in Sports (Summary) [2]

Hi swr10, I have read your summary. I try to give you some feedback. Feel free to discuss. :)

1. Peripheral vision mentionmentions to what we discern ...
2. Athletes, for example, must be eagerly conscious of what is occuringoccurring on all sides themtheir sides .
3. Each peripherallyperipheral observed gesticulation should be instantly ...
4. ... shall assist the athlete obtainobtains viewing moment in this acute environment, .....

Keep witing
hirani03   
Aug 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / Retirement Saving Doesn't Have to Be So Stressful [3]

Hi Yusuf. I have read your summary. I try to give you some corrections.

1. If it is not, then you need to know this..

2. In fact, people isare about to be stressful for retire (...) and 24% repress to costscost of school.

3. The question that arisearises then how people can arrange ...

It just a few correction. you just need more attention on subject-verb agreement.
Keep writing :)
hirani03   
Aug 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1: Summaries of the dissimilar time before and after expansion and it cost in traveling [2]

There are two information shared the table and the bar chart. The table explained about the different time before and after improvements made to the transport network, while the bar chart told about the different cost in traveling around the city.

The table presents that the fastest way to journey before improvement was taxi. It took nine minutes. The taxi then took 3 minutes longer after development. Different with taxi, the tram was reduced 6 minutes after enhancement. There were two forms of carrying that reduced time after perfection. There were tram and bus. There were also two forms of transportation that increased after perfection. Those were taxi and car. The slowest transport is by bus. The bus still became the slowest before and after improvement.

The most expensive cost of the vehicle was taxi. I was almost Є2.00 per kilometer. In contrast, the bus was the cheapest concurrently the slowest transport to use around the city. The different price of the tram and bus was really near. The difference was only about Є0.10.
hirani03   
Aug 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary Article "10 Beauty Products You Should Never Ever Share" [2]

There are so many products about prettiness. Some of women are sometimes only had some of them. Those are the reasons why they are easy to share the makeup each other. A New York City cosmetic dermatologist, Dendy Engelman, MD explains a fact that forbids everyone to share make up. He said even though someone doesn't have a visible cold sore, they can still carry herpes simplex virus 1 [HSV-1] and pass it off to you in one makeup application." Here are a number of makeups that cannot share.

1. Beauty cream on a jar
Make sure before using beauty cream, the hand is clean. Why? It is because the hand easy to contaminate with bacteria. This is also the reason to do not share the beauty cream to friends. Bacteria from the hands will spread in the skin and also into the jar of beauty cream.

2. Mascara
Mascara can be medium of bacteria and viruses infectious. When the bacteria and viruses infect the eyes, the eyes will become similar to pink eyes. Dr. Engelman suggests, the only way to share mascara is by using one way wand. No more repetition in using the same wand.

3. Pressed foundation
The dry powder in fact could share by using a sponge, especially when someone uses it in her/his mouth or eyes area. To protect it, spray the alcohol first, then use the powder using clean makeup brush, and swipe it over pressed powder once.

4. Lipstick or balm
Lipstick and balms are very dangerous to share. It is because Herpes Simplex Virus 1 (HSV-1) can spread on them, but the symptom only appears when your immune system is down. This was explained by Dr. Dr. Engelman. He said "This is referred to as asymptomatic shedding, where you have the virus but you don't show any symptoms; it's all based on your immunity and whether or not something like stress can trigger an outbreak."

5. Lip Gloss
The stick of lip gloss is also the best medium for bacteria to life. Imagine you share the bacteria from lips to others by using the same lip gloss. This is why you should use privately the lip gloss.

6. Cream shadows
The hand of cream user can also entrap and become the area of bacteria to extend, especially after applying them using the finger. The finger may already contaminate with the user own bacteria. You do not want to share your bacteria to friends, right? Do not divide up the cream shadows.

7. Makeup brushes
Makeup brush is one of the most the causes of acne. The bacteria exist there. The only way to share it in the safe way is by spraying with the alcohol before using it. It will kill the bacteria there. If you did not use it in a long time, you can wash it every week.

8. Toothbrushes
Bacteria exist in the mouth, bad and good. They produce aroma to the mouth. This is why brushing tooth is really important. Sharing the toothbrush to friends means sharing mouth bacteria to them.

9. Facial cleansing brush
This is also the private beauty thing. Do not ever share it if you do not want to get skin bacteria from friends. You can share the cleansing but not the brush. Everyone should has her/his own brush.

10. Razors
This is a warning for man, but it could be the woman too. It is very high risk. Razor can contain bacteria such as a staph infection, hepatitis, or blood-borne viruses (for example HIV, even it's highly unlikely).
hirani03   
Aug 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / The youth in many countries is unskilled. Compulsory military service is good and necessary for them [3]

Hi Lupin_a1315616. I have some corrections for your essay. Feel free to discuss :)

Second Paragraph
A friend of mineMy friend who is good at playing ...
In May 2009, when he graduated from a university, (need a subject)Ireceiving received the information...
... that is a replaceable job in one prospectlessprospect-less company.

Third Paragraph
... there was a tragedy accident in the army in TaiwanTaiwan's army.

Last Paragraph
... on high-risk missions or workswork duties.
... expectancy for working in the forces enforcedly.enforceableforces.

Keep writing
hirani03   
Aug 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / Do you think that emailing and texting reduce the togetherness? Writing Task 2 [6]

Modern forms of communication such as email and messaging have reduced the amount of time people spend seeing their friends. This has had a negative effect on their social lives.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?


The existence of email and messaging decreases people interactions to their friends. Undoubtedly, every progress in technology has positive and negative consequences. However I believe that the benefit aspects are more than the weakness aspects.

As far as I know, people in the past time met their friend directly. They will come to their friends' home then spend their time together. They could chit-chat all day long. At the present time, it is already changed. The activity of everyone makes them seldom to meet. Fortunately, technology expands. Technology has a role as messenger of communication. Messaging and mail are examples of technology innovation for people to interact. For example, to inform the news, someone did not need to come to his/her friends' home to extend the information. She or he only need to text her/his friends. The information will sooner arrive. Through email and texting, she/he can make appointments to meet up wherever they want.

In my view, the distance is not a reason for people to do not meet their friends. Even distance separate them, messaging and mail can bring them closer. They are basically not encounter directly, but they can still meet and sharing in cyber space indirectly. For example, someone who wants to chat with his/her friends in abroad, she/he does not need to travel abroad. She/he only needs to type a text or an email and then sending it to her/his friends. It must be cheaper than going overseas.

In conclusions, messaging and email make people easier to communicate. They help people meet their friends indirectly. As a result, they can still closer each other. As long as internet connection is available, the purpose of communication can be reached.
hirani03   
Aug 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / We need to recognize problems in this technological era to minimize bad influence on our social life [3]

Hi Fadhilahumar91, I try to correct your writing. Feeling free to discuss :)

First Paragraph.
TechnologyTechnological era has been influenced ...
... to communicate with otherothers by smart phone, ...
But, there are some negative effecteffects for their social life.
... modern communication givegives some bad consequenceconsequences in human communication.

Second Paragaph
It has a low of affection, less of eye ...
It can be saysaid that it has a high quantity ...
... technology gives some positive effecteffects , such as every peopleperson can find their old ...

Third Paragraph
On the other handhands , the modern communication has bringingbrought many people to low of affection.
Because, it should be make every people enjoyableperson enjoy than before.

... communication has bringingbrought bad impact for ...
However, there some positive aspectaspects for quantity of communication. Finally we must thinkingthink again, what (...) information and technologytechnological era.

Keep writing
hirani03   
Aug 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / The best way to balance in successful career and happy family life at the same time [3]

Hello.
I only find the corrections for this paragraph.
Keep writing.

... associated with stressful causecausesimpose focusingimposing focus both on their career ...
... it will lead tothe more complex problems like ...
For example, there isare so many people (...) after that they are so busy in manage their ...
... getting illness and stress and . It is also give rise to bad impact to themselvestheir selves .
hirani03   
Aug 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / Podcast Summary: Educate The Young Women To Be Brave Than To Be Perfect [2]

This podcast is from Rashma Saujani, 2016 who started their story from her true story. When she was child, she dreamt to be a runner. She got rejecting from her trainer. Rashma did not care and swore to be the runner. Ten years later, she reached her dream. Since at the time, she finally got the point of her winning. It was about bravery. Rashma did not care about being imperfect. She was daring to be different.

Most of young women tough to get the perfection in scenic, high score and do everything flawless. Contrasted with the young boy, they were tough to be bumpy, swayed high and courageous to take a risk. Girls are rising to be perfect while boys are rising to be brave.

Lack of bravery is the reason why women in this present day under presented in many events. 1980, a psychologist, Coral Dweck looked at how brilliant fifth grades gripped a complicated assignment. She found that smart girls wee fast to give up. The higher IQ, the more likely they were to relinquish. Intelligent boys in the other hands become challenging in the difficult materials. The boy teenagers found energizing and would redouble their efforts. The different was how boys and girls face the experiment.

An HP reported that men would apply job if they got only 60% of the qualifications, in contrast with the women, women would affect if they found 100% the requirements. It was showed that women had a little bit self-belief. Women are only excited when they were in the perfection. This problem only can solve by socializing the women courage instead socializing them to be wonderful.

When we teach the girls to be brave and support them network cheering, they will build implausible things. We have to educate them to be comfortable with imperfection. We must train them to be daring in school and in early career. We have to show them that girls will be loved and accepted not for being perfect, but for being fearless, to be fine with imperfections. Because only that we help them power it. We are able to build a movement of young women who are brave and who will build a better world for themselves for each and for everyone.
hirani03   
Aug 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / Why More People Than Ever Are Donating Their Bodies to Science [4]

Hello Hary01.
Here are some corrections for your summary. Feel free to discuss. :)

Paragraph 1,
The University of Minnesota, for example, it received more than 550 ...
The University of Buffalo got almost 600in last year.

There are some reasons for the trend seemsseem to be twofold.
The otheranother reason is the increasing cost of a traditional burial now daynowadays .

... useful to medical students than plastic, rubber or virtual alternative others.other virtual alternative.
hirani03   
Aug 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / The talent show is one of shows that get many enthusiasm of spectators. [3]

Televised talent shows have become popular in many societies today.
Are these shows a good method finding talented people, or are they just entertainment?
Give the reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience!


Television programs in this day become more varied. However, talent show is one of shows that get many enthusiasm of spectator. Most of them are just entertainment, but in my view, talent shows has most influenced by the ability of contestant.

Television attraction must know the way they treat the viewers. It should be gratifying performance. The TV program has to interest, so that the spectators enjoy the exhibition. The concert which is pleasurable will adhere viewer to wait the next show.

However, finding brilliant people to perform in the TV contest are essential too. The programs cannot be perfect and be impression event when the contestants are not capable. Singing competition, for example, must be full of gifted participant. The spectacular voice is indispensable. So the spectator will be mesmerized. TV contest will be waited by the onlookers until the end of the program. The curious feeling about the winner contest is the reason.

In other hands, not only entertain event with full of blessed performances is determiner of the successful programs but also the present time of show is taking effect. The television talented program must concern to know the best time of viewer to enjoy the show. The perfect time of showing will influence the rating of TV channel where the program published.

In conclusion, I think television show; especially about the talented contest is affected by three ways. Those are entertainment, full of gifted contestants and the present time of the musical competition. However, the satisfaction of the viewer must be priority of the TV organizer. The program will be booming and become trending topic on internet and YouTube over the world.
hirani03   
Aug 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / Scientific research revealed that there is an abnormal leisure time situation [9]

Hello..
These are some corrections for you. Feel free to discuss :)

1. ... but there is an increase in the level obesityobesity level and stress because of ...

2. ... in country side which havehas the contradict effects.

3. ... spending their time in watching TV, surfing internet, and shopping to doing outdoor activities .

4. This situation lead to increasingincrease on the level of depression ...

5. ... people fulfilling by giving people them vacation time in pieces within the year rather ...
hirani03   
Aug 18, 2016
Letters / 'I want to be useful person' - Motivation Letter : My Motivation to Take Master Programme [2]

Hello tyar32
Keep writing :)

1. I realize that I need to become a specialist in particular field.
2. I hearheard frequently that people (...) and main aim fromto intellectual people around the world for to study abroad.
3. Learn more about urbanism is impotanrt to understandingimportant to understand urban-rural development ...
4. ... pay attention to the rapid population growthgrowth population that become one of urban cases.
5. However, it can transform into opportunity if it planned well.
... urban strategy to optimalizeoptimized the urbanization phenomenon.
6. Urbanization havehas implication to another issuesissue like informal settlements. On the other hands , architects have to ....
7. I argue we should implementingimplement participatory design that involving ...
hirani03   
Aug 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / "8 Beauty Products Safe to Share" - Summary Article [2]

In the last post, I shared summary about 10 beauty products you should never ever share. Now, I would like to elucidate about 8 products that safe to share. Here they are.

1. Pump Product
Pump products are safe to share because the contamination risk is insignificant as long as women never come in contact with the products. Hair products, foundation, and lotion are some examples of pump products.

2. Liquid foundation
Liquid foundation is safe to share when it is in a pump form, or if you apply it using a clean sponge without touching the applicator to your face. Before do that, make sure you have the similar skin tone to your friends.

3. Loose powder
Bacteria did not available to life in the dry condition. This is the reason loose powder has a less of a risk to transfer to your friends.

4. Powder shadows
Powder shadow is not dangerous to shared use as long as you spray them down with alcohol.
5. Lip and eye pencils
Before apportion your lip and eye pencil, make sure to keep dip your eye or lip sharpener is in alcohol once a week, so that it can be germ-free. Another alternative way to keep it safe in using, spray it down with an alcohol-based makeup spray.

6. Eyelash curler
Eyelash curler made of metal and stainless steel. It means harmless to divide up because of hard for bacteria life there. As long as you routine to wipe it off every time after using for cleanliness.

7. Nail polish
The only way you might infect by any type of spreading apart when it uses without sterilization. It is important to keep the nail polish in clean condition after your friends use it.

8. Hair brushes
Dr. Engelman explained the only thing to worry about sharing brush is transferring lice. Since brushes are generally not expensive, she suggested better to buy a travel brush. It can help to minimize the presence of lice.

cosmopolitan.com/style-beauty/beauty/news/a62605/beauty-products-makeup-not-borrow/
hirani03   
Aug 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Indonesia marks Independence Day by sinking illegal ships [4]

Hi there.
These are some corrections for your writing.Hopefully it helps :)

... Fisheries Minister in the governmentreign period of President "Jokowi", has sunk overmore than 200 illegal fishing boatboats since 2014 which meant to ...

Unlike previous occasions which were broadcastedbroadcast live, the government will sink the vessels in "less sensational way" unrelatedlyunrelatingly in its effort against illegal fishing.

... submergence in several places, such as Ranai, Batam, Tarempa, ...

AnotherOther six were planned to be sunk in ...
hirani03   
Aug 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 Make A Hobby Become A Job [3]

Hello Faridadwi18.
Nice to read your writing here. These are some corrections. :)

On the other handhands , others believe that they neeshave to separate between hobby and job.

Hobbies such as fishing or taking picture, they can do when ...

They did not work everyday. It is only when people need ...
hirani03   
Aug 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Can people be happy only if they have a passionate job? [2]

People have their own ways to be joyful. It might be because they work in the job that they are really like. However, happiness is a necessary in life. It must be one of live purposes. I n my view, having a lovely job is not the only one of the happiness sources.

Some people believe that doing their passion as their job is a perfect situation which they had. They are able to give their best performance in it. They will do the job without pressing, stressing and saturation. People will get the complete blissfulness.

In any cases, others can get at their beatitude in different ways. Gathering with family in their entire life is the example. People who are happy in this way are the type of loving family. They put their family as the number one of existence. For these masses, family is priority. Kindred are their source of pleasure. Everything that they get in life is an offering only for relatives.

Except that, doing charity could also be one of blissfulness sources. Sharing to everyone who lacks in something, then sees other smiles, can be the place where people can find their enjoyment. Gladness of others is their cheerfulness.

In addition, I can say that going holiday is the basis of pleasure too. Some people will feel blessed when they are taking journey. They will full enthusiast when they are thinking and doing vacancies. Breaking the exhausted time with holiday is the most happiness for them.

In conclusion, having a job which is loved not only the one of gladness foundation. However it depends on the individual. It is about where they put their priority in life.
hirani03   
Aug 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 : People can Only be Happy if They Have a Job They Really Enjoy [3]

Hello dinartika19
I hope these some corrections help you to improve your writing :)

But, if someone saysays that loving our job is ...

... the place of some worker aresome workers is in the office, so they ...

... you will not have any experienceany experiencesin taking pleasure yourself. Because happiness is not only about working.This is just sub clause, it needs main clause.

They can go on vacation, relaxing them selftheir selves , enjoying the panorama ...

... can make people happy like : meet family often after back from the bureau and spare time for day off to have a tripin conclusion, it does not need example anymore , so it can revive our mind ...
hirani03   
Aug 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Toefl: Some high schools require all students to wear school uniforms. [4]

Hello, these are some corrections for your writing. :)

In some high school,policiesThe policy for all students to wear school uniformsis a compulsion , while other high schools allow students to freedom of wear independently any dress in school.

... advantages but I believe that in high school studentsstudents in high school require to wear school uniform. For some reason I will mention it in below the paragraphs.

On beginIn the beginning , School uniform (...) less time consume forto wear then other attires because of if students are wear different cloths so they are useneed time for decidedeciding the new cloth in everyday consequently itwaste of the timetime consuming . Uniforms are cheaper so it benefits for the needy student necessaries . Furthermore, students are habituated to wearingwear daily school uniform so they can easily wearing and school uniform...

It is comfortable thenthan other cloths.

In addition, when all students are wear school uniforms, they are looking unique ...
School uniforms are described as the discipline and ...
On other hands , when high school students ...
Finally, School uniformfor all students have givegivesto equallyequal attention. All students not havehave not same financial status
... and also other students are showsshowed the partiality in between ...
hirani03   
Aug 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Number of Books in Library Which Is Read by Different Gender [2]

The graph gives information about number of books in library which is read by girls and boys. This research took place in Starmouth School from 2009 to the present day. It shows the different quantity of books which read according to gender of reader.

This graph shows in 2011, the amount of books read by boys and girls is same. Those books are 100 units. However this has been an intersection point over the years.

During two periods before an intersection point, the boy readers were more numerous than the number of the girl readers. The boys always read many books while the girls are slow increase. After the turning point, the booklover of boys fell gradually. It contrasted with another gender. In 2012, the proclivity reading of girls grew rapidly.

Overall, there has been a different between 2009 and 2012. The dominant gender of reader has been changed from boys to girls.
hirani03   
Aug 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary: Herpes infections are worse if contracted at the end of the day [2]

Hello Fadhilahumar91
I've read your summary. These are some corrections for you :)

First Paragraph
Herpes is a deceasedisease that it causes by virus contagion.
... with his team explored the mice toas a caused of herpes virus.
They obtained that the virus has been powerspowered to duplicate 10 times as long ...
... of these mice has been high constancyconstant level in the time of contamination.

Second Paragraph
... concluded that people who have been body clock, has been riskerriskier than the others.
... developing virus vaccines to the riskrisky people.
... care about their healthy, reachingclear from the infection of dangerous illness.
hirani03   
Aug 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / The first quantum satellite in the world [4]

Hello Fadhilahumar91.
Let me help you to give some corrections

First Paragraph
This essay is a summary from an article which was written by ...
The original titles title of summary is ...
QUESS has been the first quantum ofcommunications satellitesatellite communication in the world that ...

Second Paragraph
On the other hand hands, they applyapplied quantum lock channelization ...

Third Paragraph
However, QUESS is the best satellite technology, but it must be testtested by advancedadvancing experiment to unsure all devicedevices that ready to use and ...
hirani03   
Aug 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / How Short Life of Sarah Gray's Son Made A Lasting Difference [3]

Sarah Gray told about her pregnant in 2010 in TED video. At the time, Sarah got twin babies. She named them, Thomas and Callum. Sarah got a problem with her pregnant. One of her babies bizarre diagnosed by doctor that he defected anencyphaly. His brain was not formed correctly because part of his school was missing.

Sarah really shocked but she wanted to do something for Thomas. Her nurse suggested her to contact Local Organ Procurement Organization. In March 2010, Sarah had borne her baby twins. Thomas and Callum bore. Thomas conditioned like doctor's prediction, an anencyphaly, while Callum was a normal baby. Sixth day after born, baby Thomas died. Sarah and family then called the Washington Regional Transplant Community to come and to bring her baby to Children's National Medical Center. In that medical center, cadaver of baby Thomas was recovered. Some parts of his body would send to four different places to observe. The cord blood forwarded to Duke University. His liver sent to cell Therapy Company in Citonet in Durham. His corneas forward to Schepens Eye Research Institute in Harvard Medical School and the last, Thomas's retina sent to University of Pennsilvania.

Five years later, Sarah was curious with the result of observation about Thomas. She wrote an email to the places where the body of Thomas was recovered and was donated. Few days later, she got the reply from the researchers. They invited Sarah and family to come and visit them in the laboratories. They told about the result, they thanked Sarah and Family for sending them the material to observe. Sarah advised in her last story that even life is going to be seemed brief and insignificant, revealed itself to be vital, everlasting and relevant.

link: ted.com/talks/sarah_gray_how_my_son_s_short_life_made_a_lasting_difference
hirani03   
Aug 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary Article : The six best places to try modern 'martabak' in Jakarta. [6]

Hello Permata992
I've read your summary. These several corrections hopefully help you :)

1. ... Indonesia provides many martabak's sellerseller of martabak which has various tastes and shapes.
2. Many people curious which is the bestmost delicious martabak in there.
3. ... to try the best taste of martabak whichyou may vary your conjunction using 'that has unique names.

You have mention 6 places but three of them you have not explained. It will better when you explain one by one clearly. Thank you :)
hirani03   
Aug 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / Hi-Tech epoch; Life today is better than it was when your grandparents were children [2]

Hello Lansium,
Nice to meet your writing here.
There are some corrections for you.

... in poor living conditions of without enough (...) hygiene system and even the dearth of education.

According to the conditions mentioned above (need coma)can weWe could imagine how hard ...

Briefly, the conditions of my grandparents' life in childhood phase were scarcely satisfied.

Consequently, we can conclude that we live ...
hirani03   
Aug 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / Tourism can give negative impact especially on the local cultures and environments. [2]

Write about the following topic.
Some people say that tourism has many negative effects on the countries that people travel to.
How true is this statement? What can tourists do to reduce the harmful effects of tourism on local cultures and environments?


The development of tourism advertisement makes people interested to travel. So many tour and travel agencies offer the serve for tourism destination. However, there could give negative impacts especially on the local cultures and environments.

The most tourism comes to a new tourist destination. They originate from different background and many countries. To on a trip, people will prepare their stuff. It could be kind of instant food, clothes, and some equipment to hold out in the journey. I think that every goods could be a serious problem when the tourist did not conscious about environment sanitation, such us throw rubbish in the tourist intention.

Besides that, another serious problem that could happen in the tourist destination is the fade of local culture in the restricted place. It could influence the young generation there. They will easily adopt the foreign culture. The children will be common to another culture. This is happened in my country, exactly in Bali, one of international tourist destination. The visitor from abroad in many times uses sexy clothes. This is contrast with Indonesia culture. The young generation then adopts the way of foreign visitor of using clothes. They did not uncomfortable anymore. Gradually, the culture of having clothes has been changed. The children will be common to multicultural. The awareness about the local culture would be derogated.

I think, the existence of abundant rubbish can be reduced by implanting the consciousness to both, to the sight seer and to householder. They must cooperate to maintain the environmental hygiene. This problem also ever happened in some beaches in Bali. The rubbish piled up and the foreign thrash was dominated. For the local culture problem, it could be solved by tolerance from the tourist to the household. The visitor should follow the local culture of the district. The government also has important roles to safeguard of the problem.

In conclusion, the tolerances are needed to mutual respect. Maintain the cleanliness is also the solution to the environment where the tourist destination existed. However, if both are awake, there would be no serious problem with world of tourism.
hirani03   
Aug 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / The Donation of a City Council to Book Clubs [3]

The graph below shows how much money a city council gave to book clubs over a four-year period.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
You should write at least 150 words.


The graph shows the total of money which was given by a city council to the book clubs over a four-year period. Besides that, the graph also presents the sum of book club members were in the city.

The amount of money given was reached a peak in the year 3. It was a sharp rose, but in the next year, the number of book club members was slight decline. It was different with the number of book club members. From first year to the second years, the total of book club members decline slightly, then the next two years rose sharply.

Over the first-three year periods, there was a steady jump in amount of money that was give. Furthermore, the number of book club members fluctuated in over the same period two. Generally, in the year three, the amount of money given and number of book club members were sharp rise during the period.



  • Council donations to book clubs
hirani03   
Aug 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / The Way People Enjoy Their Leisure Time [3]

Write about the following topic.
Some people say that you can learn more about another country by watching television programs and films about it than by actually visiting it.
How true is this statement? Is there anything you can learn about another country by visiting it that you cannot learn by watching programs and films about it?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience.


People have many ways to enjoy their leisure time. They can explore some places or just watching television all day long. However, having a journey to abroad have more advantages than only stay and look at the TV.

Travel to abroad become one of the new trends. This is because the access to everywhere is easier than in the past. People can arrange their time to take pleasure in the vacation. Most of them choose this way because they want to get experience. This style may give the tourist a lot of impacts. They can interact with the household, they are able to walk around and they are capable to learn the local wisdom of the country. This was happen with my experience when I went to Johor Bahru, one of big city in Malaysia. Before I went there, I did not know how friendly the original inhabitants there, I had no idea how to be survive, and what is the local wisdom of Johor Bahru. When I arrived and lived around a week, finally I got all the answers above.

On the other hands, people are able to learn about foreign country by watching television. There are so many channels that share information about overseas. Although watching does not take big budget, consequence is the spectators merely get information which is reported in the screen. This is because the viewers are the passive devotee. The watcher cannot feel the sensations and no interactions.

In conclusion, explore the foreign country has many benefits than become a watcher. Having experiment, having a restricted acquaintance, and understanding the local wisdom of the overseas country are the precious adventure than cannot find if just lay down in front of television.
hirani03   
Aug 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 The Methods To Produce Energy Using Water [2]

... two different methods of producing electricity byusing water as the main substance.
First method using water to rotates the generator while air is used in the second image.
1. Hello Faridadwi18, I got a little bit confuse to understand the two contrast statements above. Make sure to read the diagram before writing.

2. To answer the questions, do not forget to mentions the equipment or tools and the materials that used.

3. Your explanation for the second picture is less. Better to use three sentences in one paragraph.

Happy writing :)
hirani03   
Aug 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / There a different systems to produce electricity - by water's power and air pressure. [2]

Hi Fadhilahumar91.
This is some corrections for your writing above.

.. electricity distributed ininto the power of line to every ...

... electricity by wave-air generator which is using air pressure. It is made from generatorwhich consist of lower chamber, (...) in upper chamber which is connected with generator ...

The first step is waves whichis filled to lower chamber, and ...

In the paragraph above, you mention four times "which" as the conjunction. You may combine it with another conjunction, namely "that"So that the reader did not saturated with the which word.
hirani03   
Aug 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / Living in a high-rise flat is the new lifestyle. As the consequence, the occupant will feel lonely. [3]

Write about the following topic.
Some people say that living in a high-rise apartment block is a lonely experience because there is no community spirit. Others say that people who live in high-rise apartments have a much better sense of community than those who live in houses.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


In the modern era, living in a high-rise flat is one of the new lifestyle. As the consequence, the occupant will feel lonely. Some people could doubt it. They can say that living there means having much better sense of society than those who exist in houses.

I believe that living in the residence is more pleasant than living in the apartment. The caring of house neighbor can be more sensed. Most people who lived in the habitation know each other. They can meet in many places, like in the mosque, in the church and in other public areas. The social interaction between occupants is easy to find. The kinship of dweller in the same residence is tight together. My experience live in the housing area, I could see the interactions of inhabitants, like giving greet, sharing food, peering patients in the hospital and cooperating to clean the residence area.

In comparison, people who live in the apartment are more like quietness. This building is easy to find in the modern city. I think the interface of occupation is less. This because the one of the rules in the flat is every dweller must keep the stillness. Most of inhabitants are workaholic. They are crazy in working. The flat is only for the place for taking a rest. It means less of communication sense between flat members.

In conclusion, living in residence develops the sense of social interaction. The communication between groups is awakened. Different between members of apartment, they focus on tending privacy of every tenant.
hirani03   
Aug 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some jobs can pay high salaries but require employees to leave their family and friends. [4]

1. I prefer to the job that can pay high salaries but require employeerequires employees to leave their family and friends.
2. .....employees who live far apart from his naďve their native country can keep contact with his their kinship.
3. ...... they just have toneed to open the webcam software.
4. ....... I might not be used to the life without her.
5. ... far from native country because of the helps of communicating technologies.we can use the existence of technology.

Overall, you have to pay attention to subject verb agreement and the correlation between subject and pronoun. When you use employee for the subject, you can not replace it to use 'them' because 'them'

is for plural while employee is singular.

Keep writing.
hirani03   
Aug 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Before I die i want to.... (doing what you want) [4]

Hello ekalamarsyari11, this is corrections for your summary.

1. ... project that ask some questionquestions to society in the public spaces.
2. ... asked about how much myher neighbour paid for flat, how we they can share our memory and how wethey can share our ...
3. ....where everyone can write hisher desire before heshe died because it is a large ...
4. ... her live now because what public people redundancy because of double subject wrote down in this writing ...
hirani03   
Aug 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / The Problems of People Who Stay in Foreign Country [4]

The chart presents the percentage of integration problems of society living overseas. In general, all age groups have problem in taking care of healthcare. Overall, the percentage of the middle age is much higher than the others.

The greatest problem for the young people is lack of finance, a difficulty experienced by 34 percent of the people in this group. However, not more than 10 percent this group find hard in obtaining school for their children.

People in the middle obtained the most problems. It was the highest percentage for all-three problems. For the lack of finance, it reached 35 percent. The percentage of maintain the body healthy was approximately 40 percent. The last problem for this age found school for their children. It took much lower, approximately 20 percent.

For the oldster group, the highest difficulty is cared for healthy. It was more than 35 percent. In contrast, finding school for children is not problem anymore for this group.



  • ini_2.jpg
hirani03   
Aug 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / "green movement" - What is Ecotourism ? (Interesting tourism) [6]

Hi Aris05.
I hope these corrections help you :)

... environment but also give beneficialbenefit for local ecology and society.

Ecotourism offers many types of destinationdestinations(countable) like natural destination.

... friendly accommodations such usas renewable resources and recycling.

It also seekseeks out hotels and tourist companies that hire mainlymain local staff.

... they produce not only a harmfullharmfulemmisionsemissions but also many tons ...

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