Writing Feedback / Summary: Why education, not punishment, is the solution to reducing crime | John Lonergan [3]

In the last few decades, the improvement of prison became a center of attention. This is because people have realized that prisoners are not a different species of human being; they are us. John Lonergan is a very active man who participates in a lot of voluntary and charity work and he has even written a book. Lonergan believes that punishment was not the best solution to make criminals to be better. Building trust from them is the starting point that must be developed. To gain the trust of criminals is a difficult and time consuming undertaking but without trust there will be little progress. If people really want to help and support them, we will have to listen to what prisoners need. In addition to, education for criminals is the most essential factor for their future. For example, more than 30% of criminals cannot continue their career because they have no knowledge and skills needed when they are free from prison. Thus, before being free, prisoners must have provision to achieve their goal.

(174 words)

Writing Feedback / Summary: Violent Crime Rising in U.S. Cities Compared to 2015 [2]

2016 saw a dramatic increase of violent crime in some major U.S. cities. This continues a trend which began last year after decades when criminal level fell. A new survey released that there were 307 more homicides in big cities in the period of the first six months of 2016 than the same period of 2015. The survey also found there have been around 1,000 more robberies, 2,000 more serious assaults and 600 less severe shootings in 2016. The Brennan Center, a nonpartisan law and policy institute, showed that out of the 51 cities included in the survey, the murder rate rose in 29 cities and dropped in 22. More than 50% of the uptick in homicides took place in Las Vegas, Chicago and Orlando, where 49 persons were killed last month. In addition, Ames Grawert, a counselor in the Brennan Center's Justice Program, noted that the mid-year survey does not signify a nationwide crime wave.

(156 words)

Writing Feedback / Summary: Network theory - TED ED - Marc Samet [2]

In the meanwhile, broadly speaking, Facebook and Google are the most popular social networking. Most of people around the world can access easily by their gadget. Marc Samet said about network of social media. He explained that networks are collections of links which combine by specific rules and behaviors. And also the evolution and concentration of constantly changing connections occurs is the subject of a whole discipline called network theory. Networks will continue to appear as new ways of creating and connecting surroundings defined. Possibly people can start to see why networks are so influential. As Google continues to accumulate the billions of daily searches, new groups of links will rapidly emerge, growing networks and forming additional. Because of this, if people make a friend or explore acquaintances in their Facebook account or social networking else, other people on average will be unconnected by six persons or less. In addition to, the social media will create neighborhoods linked by common connections among friends.

(163 words)

Writing Feedback / Summary: Being on Facebook Can Actually Make Us Happier [3]

Nowadays, Facebook is one of the biggest social media which can be found every smartphone or computer. In spite of that some researchers are more likely to claim that Facebook has many negative effects such as obesity, eating disorders, smoking habits, loneliness, and many other disadvantages owing to this social media. Still and all, the recent study from James Fowler, a professor of medical genetics and political science at University of California San Diego, showed that after analyzing data from 100 million people using Facebook who always posted update status in the period from 2009 to 2012, Fowler and the team illustrated every emotion expressed online seeded one to two additional messages in the network expressing similar emotions. Fowler said, the data suggest that being on the social networking site especially Facebook is a positive thing, at least for people's emotional state. Overall, people in this computer era depend on their friend in social media. Thus, people are more likely to be feeling the same emotion at the same time.

(170 words)

Writing Feedback / Many people, especially children, tend to have an unhealthy habit [4]

Many children these have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Nowadays, owing to trend, many people especially children tend to have an unhealthy habit. Although some people argue that both schools and parents share equal responsibility from this problem, I am more likely to against this notion since parents are fully responsible to tackle this issue from children lives.

There is no doubt, parents, as main educators, can easily influence their kids to be more health. This is because parents are closer to children than others. Also, they have the most time with their children to accommodate and teach them how to live better. Taking an example, when I was a child, my mother always made me healthy food before going to school. Also, my father got me to take a walk every weekend about 500 meters in length. In accordance with the recent study, from 200 children investigated, 73 percent of them are influenced by their parents' habits including healthy lifestyle. In short, parents are the most crucial factors to be a role model for their children.

On the other hand, schools should not be responsible for children's bad habits. It is because schools are primary aim is focus on academics and learning improvement. Much time teachers have spent for trying some methods to encourage students' skills and understanding. Therefore, teachers have time no time anymore to control what children consume and how they do in their free time.

To sum up, I believe only parents are the main keys to prevent them from an unhealthy lifestyle. Teachers can only encourage children in short time, so they cannot control them fully. I would like to suggest parents to maximize their efforts to make their kids healthier.

(277 words)

Writing Feedback / The bar chart compares three types of difficulties that people have when they move to a new country [3]

The chart below shows information about the problems people have when they go to live in other countries.

The bar graph compares three selected difficulties people have when they move to a new country in accordance with age. Overall, it can be seen that healthcare is the main problem from people aged over 35, while the problem of finding their children's schools is the least difficulties for all ages.

The young adults have the most crucial problem with their finances, 34 %. On the other hand, 32 percent of them face sorting out healthcare problem. And the least in finding their children the best study.

Setting their finances for the middle age is the serious problem, because there are 35 percent of them facing it, compared to the elderly just under 30 percent. However, both middle and elder people have the same cases of maintaining their health, each of them which are over a third of people living abroad according both ages. Interestingly, there is a significant difference between persons with 35-54 and over 55 years old in finding the best education for their children, 18 percent and 2 percent respectively.

(173 words)

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  percentage of problem for living abroad
  

Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2 - Celebrities in News - Agree/Disagree [2]

The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Up to the present time, most of media prefer preaching well-known people such as actors and sports players. Although some people argue media should pay more attention to report common people, I am more likely to against this notion because celebrities are more interesting than are ordinary people.

There is no doubt the news about celebrities entertains more than people in common. It is because the famous has a unique sense which makes watchers more comfortable. Taking an example, Rafii Ahmad, one of the famous presenters in Indonesia, has more views compared to others. Most of television channels in Indonesia broadcasted his daily activities. As a result, over 3 million viewers watch this every single cast, according to survey. In short, owing to more entertainment, well-known persons should be reported.

In addition, another main reason why media has to prefer reporting celebrities is the famous such as footballers can be a role model for followers to be success as well. It is because media can facilitate celebrity-lovers to be as what they want. For instance, a football-lover has to watch more superstars in football. Thus, he or she can easily imitate how footballers practice more and how to be a successful player. Admittedly, people can be influenced by well-known individuals owing to media.

To sum up, compared to reporting the lives of ordinary persons, the news of how to actors, singers, and sports players live and be success is far more fascinating to be known. However I suggest that people should also consider which one is good for them.

(259 words)

Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1 - The percentage of new graduates finding job in Ontario - Line Chart [2]

The line chart gives the percentage of new graduates who found jobs as teachers of English and French each year from 2001 to 2007. Overall, it can be seen that French teachers were more hired in Ontario than were English teachers although English teachers in 2001 were more than other language teachers at the same period.

At the beginning of period, teachers of both languages had approximately a 70% success rate in finding jobs. However, the next two years saw a slight decrease in French teachers at about 55 percent, and then increased by almost 70 percent, compared to English teachers which went down sharply by 30% to 40%.

2003 to 2005 experienced a stable rise in both French language teachers and English language teachers, from 68 to 70 percent and from 40 to 43 percent respectively. However, in the following year of graduation witnessed a significant difference between French teachers and English teachers who were hired. French teachers of 2007 were more finding jobs at over 70%, compared to English teachers which dropped sharply to below 30% in the same year.

(182 words)

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  student book 5-6 unit 3 writing 1
  

Writing Feedback / Simple method of producing electricity by wind turbine but troublesome process of its location [3]

The diagrams illustrate turbine by using wind to produce electricity and where it is usually located to gain electricity. Overall, it can be seen that while it is a simple method to produce electricity by using wind, its installation will be difficult in some extent related to places.

It is clear that a wind turbine consists of two main parts, blades and tower. Blades are usually made from fiberglass or wood. Also blades are also added with wind sensor connected to computer which is close to tower to adjust direction and angel of blades. Another main part of blades is generator producing energy power up to 1.5 megawatts.

To get maximum energy, the turbine can be installed in two different locations. On the one hand, the wind turbine can be located on the top of mountain where wind blows with maximum strength. In contrast, another turbine can be set up close by coast line. Although wind in the sea is not as strong as in the mountains, a wind turbine in coast line has landscape which is not spoiled. Another location which can be set up is near residents, called the domestic turbine, but it can just generate a little harnessing power, 100 kilowatts.

(204 words)

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  writing 1 turbine
  

Writing Feedback / 'not many succeeded in their own business' - Being Entrepreneur - Advantages and Disadvantages [2]

Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?

In the present time, thanks to the internet access, many people especially the young prefer having their own business than working as an employee. Although some believe being entrepreneur has some merits, I am more likely to argue that its demerits have to be more paid attention.

Admittedly, having own occupation can make people's lives more independent. It is as long as when they work, there is no more pressure from their boss. In short, they work for themselves not for their employers. In addition, individuals' personal quality will develop more than before. Taking an example, people as businessperson will often face more obstacles in their business. As a consequence, they have to be more patient, brief, and active to get each opportunity.

On the other hand, getting higher risk has to be faced by people with starting up their business. This is because many of starters are beginners and have no at all experience to be businesspersons. Therefore, in accordance with the latest study, 20 percent of new entrepreneurs can only survive for the first two-year, and then 50 percent of survivors can continue their own business in 5 years. The main reason of this case is most of beginners prefer to choose stopping their business because they are hard to earn income instantly. Another disadvantage of being entrepreneur is people might be difficult to find loyal consumers. This is because many people tend to buy something with famous brand. Therefore, new business will vanish little by little.

To sum up, there is no doubt, disadvantages of having own business are more than advantages while not few succeed in their own business. However, people deciding to be an entrepreneur should consider their strength, weakness, and opportunity before starting up their business.

(292)

Writing Feedback / Some factors that caused Land Degradation - Table and Pie Chart [2]

The pie chart and the table illustrate information about the factors causing land degradation and how these reasons influenced three selected regions (North America, Europe, and Oceania) in the 1990s period. Overall, over-grazing was the highest factors making land less productive and Europe was the largest land which was degraded due to these factors.

To begin with, over-grazing was the most factors make agricultural less productive, over a third of causes. The second cause is many trees were cut down to industry, so that 30 percent of deforestations caused degradation of farmland. Also, over-cultivation contributed much for this damaging although it was not as much as two factors earlier, just below 30 percent.

On the other hand, Europe had the largest land which was damaged, 23 percent in total, and then deforestation was the key factors make its land harmful 9.8 percent of land degraded. A large group of island in south pacific and its vicinity was the second largest land degraded, 13 percent and overgrazing was the most contribution to damage this land, 11.3 percent.

(176 words)

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  writing 1 land
  

Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2 - Should Parents or School Teach Kids to be good? - Discuss Both Views [2]

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

To be nice people, children might be taught earlier. Some people argue parents have responsibility to teach them while others have another arguments in which school is the best place to train children better. In my perspective, both parents and school have each contribution to develop children's attitudes.

Admittedly, children have more time to learn how to be good person with their parents. This is because parents have closest relationship with them. Therefore, kids can make their parents as good role model how to behave more polite to others. Taking my experience as an example, when I was a child, my father used to invite me to join some meetings whose participants are the famous people in my hometown. As a result, I personally feel more confident to meet people even they are from in the famous because I used to make a conversation with them.

On the other hand, school also has an important contribution to make children sociable. It is because school is the second place where school-ages spend their time. Thus, school has big opportunity to teach and control them how to socialize with their friends. For instance, 60 percent of school in Indonesia utilize curriculum based on "gotong royong" where all subjects in school should be integrated about how to children improve their social skills such as how to be more polite with the elder and their friends. In short, school also has to encourage students to be more successful in their environment.

To sum up, I believe children cannot change their bad habits unless they gain more lessons from both their parents and school. Therefore, both of them should collaborate to find the way how to educate their kids effectively because without paying attention from both, children will be impolite person in their future.

(299 words)

Writing Feedback / Not many high educated Bulgarians are interested emmigration abroad [4]

The bar chart illustrates information about the percentage of Bulgarian who prefer migrating to another country in the three selected periods (2002, 2006, and 2008) according to their education level. Overall, it can be seen that, the majority of people going to another country are from secondary school while higher education and primary and lower education are below 50 percent.

In 2002, Bulgarian people with secondary education level are the highest percentage in all levels, at 65 percent. However, in 2006 and 2008, there was a slow decrease of percentage of Bulgarian in secondary education level to 61 and 59 percent respectively.

On the other hand, Bulgarian with higher education and primary and lower education experienced a slight difference in the first two-year given, just one percent in difference each year, 17 and 18 percent in 2002 and 20 and 21 percent in 2006 respectively. Interestingly, in 2008, there was a significant difference between higher education and lower education in which higher education was in 9 percent and lower education was higher than percentage of people in higher level of education, at 32 percent.

(184 words)

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  bulgarian
  

Writing Feedback / Being healthy is not an easy task today, but there are always ways to manage this [3]

Some people say that in the modern world it is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle. Others, however, say that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be.

Nowadays, healthy lifestyle is a dream each people. Although some are skeptical to do healthy ways because of advertising and technology, others are more likely to against this notion. They believe the way of health can be found more conveniently in this era. I personally tend to the latter opinion because many facilities can be used to get people's health. However, it depends on themselves whether they want to or not.

Admittedly, advertisement is one of the key factors in which people, nowadays, are very difficult to do something making them healthy. This is because advertising can influence people's environment and habit. For instance, most of junk food companies utilize advertising to be closer to individuals in all aged levels. Thus, we can see junk food advertisement dominates more than others and also people are more and more drawn to consume that food. Another reason is many offers to do passive activities such as computer, the Internet, television programs, and games. According to latest study, 3 in 4 young adults in developing countries spend their time about a half in a day sitting down to access Internet or playing games, while 55 percent of children, also, do what young adults do.

In another perspective, people, basically, are facilitated to live better with many health tools. This is because both the government and investors around the world have already provided sports facilities to public. Taking Indonesia as an example, the government introduces the regulation about one hometown, one public health. This rule has been released since 2014 to encourage citizens spending their day off to exercise more in that area. In addition, many markets offer healthy food because they realize that many people begin to change their diet to healthy meals. For instance, in my country, most of markets provide healthy food opposite the entrance to pay costumers' attention and buy this.

To sum up, I believe although many difficulties which people face to be healthier, there are always ways which can be found. I suggest that people should try to get health because healthy lifestyle is the most crucial in our lives.

(352 words)