Writing Feedback / WRITING TASK 1 THE PROPORTION OF LEISURE ACTIVITIES PREFERENCE IN BOTH GENDER [2]

The bar chart shows the participation of children in selected leisure activities in Australia

A breakdown of the proportion of several leisure activities taken a part by both male and female children in Australia is presented in the bar chart. Overall, it is immediately apparent that both sexes favor watching TV as their choices to kill their spare time.

Comparing the preference of both gender, male children dominated almost leisure activities. In electric computer, with just over four fifths, boys occupy the first place while this only accounts for 60% for woman. Likewise, this trend occurs in both bike riding and skate boarding in which the domination by around 10-15% is still shown by the boys. A different trend, on the other hand, witnesses in the figure for art and craft when females overpower man at 60% and 40% respectively.

When it comes to internal comparison, it is noticeable that there are three figures showing same proportion in males (bike riding, electronic and art& craft) while in females, this only occurs in both skate boarding and art & craft.

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Writing Feedback / STRICT RULE TOWARD ROAD OFFENDERS [2]

The only way to improve the safety on road is to have stricter punishment for driving offenders.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is often said that a strict regulation introduced by government to traffic offenders is the most effective to create traffic safety. This essay would stay in line such an idea as a rule requiring much more consequences is more noticed by road users and a clear agreement regarding traffic regulation between citizens and government can be easily reached.

It is generally believed that traffic rule demanding much more disadvantages for those breaking it would be road users' main concern when they are in the traffic. The reason for this is that they always think of how they avoid a problem and feel comfortable to travel. Besides, travelers are not willing to face many obstacles halting their affairs from running smoothly. A current survey conducted by Japanese government, for example, in 2014 uncovered that traffic offenders showed a gradual decrease by 50% after strict rules toward the offender of traffic has been implemented for two years. It is true that the introduction of firm constitution toward individuals violating traffic rules would make many differences.

Apart from the aforementioned discussion, issuing strict traffic rules to road users is more likely to come to the agreement quickly. This is because there would be no parties opposing such a rule, leading to prolonged debate between authorities and citizens. Taking a policy implemented by Australian government to control traffic issues as an example, as tough regulation has been made in verdict, more Australians are bowed to the rule, which results in the significant decrease of the rule breakers within three years. By this fact, it is clear that regulation managing traffic issues strictly would be more effective to accommodate all different perception happening among travel makers.

In conclusion, regulating any issues regarding traffic in a tough way would lead to the decline of road offenders as they are concerned about feeling of much more demerits and no dispute among them would be arisen. Where possible, a dire consequence should be taken into account to overcome this problem.

Writing Feedback / A COMPARISON OF TRIPS UNDERTAKEN BY CARS BASED ON GENDER - WRITING IELTS TASK 1 [3]

A breakdown of the proportion of trips undertaken by car according to purpose and driver sex in 2005 is presented in the bar chart. Overall, it can be noticeable that both women and men utilized car for working while a small percentage is seen in the figure for visiting friend.

To begin, more men used car to go to work with more than a half compared to other figures. Recreation rate comes behind at around 12 percent while shopping is the third at one tenth. Other remaining data account for less than 10 percent respectively.

When it comes to women figure, utilizing car for succeeding job considerably dominates all the data with around less than 40%, higher than double for the rate of shopping pace standing at the second pace. This is followed by the use of car to go to course at around 12%, while a less marked figure witnesses in the remaining statistics with the rate below 10% each.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 THE POSSIBLE CHANGE AMONG SOCIETIES DUE TO THE SOPHISTICATED COMMUNICATION TOOLS [5]

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?

The existence of the cutting-edge technology has altered the way people communicate toward their families. The tendency to use social media instead of visiting their relatives is one of evidences occurring among societies due to such the sophisticated devices and this brings loss of intimacy between the families.

Needless to say, one phenomenon emerged as the consequence of the development communication and technology is that more people favor social media to keep in touch with their relatives. The reason for this is that these communication devices provide practical way to interact with friends or families. Taking a smart phone as an example, with all futures it has like the ability to send picture, record voice, and even process data, human's communication tends to be much more better to conduct compared to the implementation of conventional communication tool like letter, and phone.

Apart from the previous discussion, it is also the fact that the emergence of such tools creates less harmony tie between families. This is because people never hold an eye-to-eye communication, which is the most essential aspect in tightening any relationships. A current survey conducted in UK uncovered that as the result of the tendency of people to use social media in communication, a gap between families can be clearly shown lately. Therefore, a less harmony family bound can occur because of the invention of state of the art communication devices.

To conclude, the sophisticated communication tools apparently switch people behavior in interacting with their relatives by favoring social media to direct meeting and unclose relationship between them is one of negative effect resulted. Where possible, a preventing measure is highly required to take citizens to deal with the probable negative impacts.

Writing Feedback / Manufactures and retails tend to use color as great strategy to attract more customers in purchasing [2]

Colour is a powerful tool that is used to great effect by manufactures and retail companies when they try to sell us something. In fact, many of the purchasing decisions we make are partly or largely influenced by colour. How true is this statement? How much does colour influence us when we buy something?

Manufactures and retails tend to use color as great strategy to attract more customers in purchasing their products. While some say it is true since colors influences purchasing decision, I would argue affordable price is the deciding factor affecting people decision in buying some goods instead.

Needless to say, color pattern used either in products or in interior and exterior building influences people's decision to purchase the offered commodities. This occurs as color has psychological effect in human brains which encourage people to do particular behavior. A current study conducted by Jones Rim, an economic expert from New Mexico University found that citizens tend to spend most their time and order more food when the restaurants are painted in red. By the result of this study, it can be indicated that color is extremely essential in determining buyers' decision.

Aside from previous discussion, however, the affordable price the sellers offer is the most predominant factor affecting customer decision. This is because people tend to be more attracted when the products they seek are offered in lower price and have a virtual quality. Survey conducted in several Southeast Asian countries uncovered that second products tended to be more popular among citizen and more saleable than the original one with higher price. It is thus cheaper price is the main factor affecting people decision in buying some goods.

To conclude, even thought people inclination to buy some commodities is in influence of color pattern, I am more likely to believe that lower price is the first consideration for customers. Where possible, the retailers and manufactures need to mix both of these factors to attract more buyers.

Writing Feedback / Interview test in not a proper method to apply in the process of recruiting workers. [4]

Most employers interview candidates before hiring them. Do you think this is the best way to do it? In your opinion, what is the best method for choosing employees?

An interview has been one of favorite methods chosen by many corporations to select qualified employers. This essay will claim that it is not the appropriate technique instead as truly skills required are not assessed well and the aptitude test is considered as the appropriate one since this will judge the worker candidates based on competence they have.

Conducting interview is less appropriated way to be implemented in selecting job applicants. This is due to the fact it will not cover all points needed in determining whether the particular candidates qualify or not. Aside from that, this only judge person from the way they speak which is hard to asses and frequently lead to misjudging. Taking a computer programmer as an example, many of them are not capable in pronouncing how competent they are when interviewed as they are used to working in front of computer and behind the scene. It is thus why interview is thought less proper to assess employer candidates.

A possible solution to this is aptitude test. This is because the test will properly measure and assess the capability that employer candidates have according to what truly skills are needed. For example, many educational institutions like University required the job applicants to exhibit their skills by conducting micro teaching prior officially stating of being accepted, which finally resulted in qualified lectures they recruit.

To conclude, an interview test has many limitation to be applied in recruiting employers as it cannot accommodate what the truly competence demanded in one institution and test according to their talent is considered the better option since it will show how qualified the job applicants are.

Writing Feedback / ILETS TASK 2: should both economic and industrial centre be relocated in the suburb? [2]

In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Some authorities have ruled out that industries and business centre should be placed in the suburban area. This essay will claim despite the fact that congestion issues can be solved in the city, the drawback of environmental damage in the outskirt will far outweigh any benefits.

When industries and business centered are deployed in the outskirt, traffic problem will not be encountered in the city. This is because the number of vehicle operating around the city gets decreased and switches to the rural area. For example, once visiting Semarang city, Indonesia, I found that congestion is not big problem faced by locals as central business and factories were placed far from the city. However, this will create another congestion spot as people try to invade the new place caused by the existence of business centre and factory.

The government policy to relocate the industrial and economic centre in the suburbs will destroy natural environment in the outskirt area. This happens as many trees will be cut down and the land is converted to resident complex, factory, and market. Taking Bogor, one of small city in Indonesia as an example, after plants and economic centre had been constructed; the weather turned hotter and air became not fresh, compared to few years ago. This case indicates that the bad effect of natural environment to the isolated place will outweigh the less traffic congestion in the metropolitan city.

All in all, even thought the traffic problem can be overcome in the big city, this will not outweigh the environmental pollution resulted when applying this policy in the outskirt. Where possible, the government should conduct further assessment in determining any policy regarding with this issue.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - a policy regarding smoking in public places [4]

In some countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree?

Many countries across the world have ruled out that smoking in the public area is prohibited. While some believe it is unfair, I would agree this notion as smoking in the public area will lead other people to suffer lung disease and create unclean environment.

It is avoidable that smoking in public area will make people in surrounding easily suffered lung disease. This occurs due to the fact that smoke produced by cigarette contains chemical compounds which are harmful for human health. A recent study conducted by several medical students from Illinois University revealed that passive smokers are highly vulnerable to get smoking-related disease that of the smokers themselves. The result of this study indicates that smoking in public area is not good for human health especially for second-hand smoke.

Another reason why people are not allowed to smoke in such crowded place is littering. This is because smokers are tending to throw their butt in any places. Taking my collage for example, every day I always find many disposable cigarettes in any rooms thrown by irresponsible one, which absolutely creates unclean environment. By this, I personally believe that inhabitants should be banned to smoke in the public place as this will create such environmental problem.

In conclusion, although restricting smokers in public area is considered unacceptable, I would agree that this is such better policy to be implemented as many-smoking related diseases and littering problem can be dealt with. Therefore, a special place in any public areas should be provided by government to accommodate inhabitants who smoke.

Writing Feedback / Teaching children painting or other practical subjects is a good strategy. IELTS 2 [2]

It is pointless making children who lack artistic talent learn painting and drawing in Art classes at school. Instead, they should concentrate on other creative and practical subjects which they may have more aptitude. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people argue there is no beneficial value to teach children who are not talented to draw and paint in the school. Practical subject which they like is highly recommended instead. I tend to agree with this notion as this subject requires much more time and only makes children easily stress.

It is argued that teaching untalented children to learn painting or drawing in school needs longer time. This is because skills required in both of them cannot be grasped in short meeting like what is practiced in general schools and it demands all children attention and time instead. I personally experienced to send my untalented younger sisters in drawing school as her extracurricular activities. However, after 2 years learning basic technique, she does not show any significant improvement and her drawing quality does not satisfy to go in the upper level. This indicates that untalented children should not be forced to learn either painting or drawing as it will be useless.

Another reason is that this lesson only makes children get stress. This occurs since they do not have any desire to follow the class and if they are forced, it will create such uncomfortable feeling for them. A current study conducted in Illinois University uncovered when student involve in any subject based on their talent, achievement will come easily among them, while the converse will be shown if they are forced to engage in any subject they do not aptitude.

In conclusion, teaching untalented children on painting and drawing basically is good strategy. However I tend to agree that this should be eliminated in the school since this needs much time to study and only burden students psychologically. Where possible schools board needs to provide a several subjects according to student's willingness.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 is money the only motivation for loyal workers? [2]

Do you agree that money is the only motivation at work why people prefer working in the same company for many years?

Some people say the inclination of employers to work in the same company is the high incentive. While it is true to some extent, I would argue great passion and friendly environment are other detrimental reasons influencing people to be royal in particular corporation.

Needles to say, working related to human's passion is one of reasonable arguments why people tend to work in the same place for longer time. This is because when involving with any project inside the company, they will feel happier and satisfy their desire. Taking a person who works in any nongovernmental organization (NGO) concerning in poverty as example, even though they do not have high salary and top position, hard willing to help people who are living under impoverishment are priceless experience for them. Thus, why people are more loyal to particular job or company is highly caused by passion-based job.

Aside from the aforementioned discussion, friendly environment is another factor influencing inhabitants to stay longer in particular corporation or job. This occurs since the atmosphere where they work bridge them to comfortable feeling which highly encourages them to solve any problem they have. A current survey by several lectures in New Mexico University found that 70% of employees who are not deciding to resign from their job are caused by the convenience working place they experience. The result of this study indicates that conducive environment is the detrimental factor why people tend to choose working in one company many years.

In conclusion, money is not primary factors making workers to stay longer. Instead both great passion and comfortable atmosphere are the predominant reasons why they tend to be loyal in some jobs. Therefore beside incentive, both those factors are highly taken into consideration.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 children should be entrusted to childcare centre or parents [2]

Some parents think that childcare centers provide the best services for children of pre-school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better cares for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some considered childcare center as the best place to entrust pre-school-age children, but others argue that grandparents is the better one. While childcare centre is considerable place as they have a qualified stuffs, I believe grandparents are highly recommended party since they are more trustful.

It is avoidable that childcare centre provides fully-trained staff giving the best treatment for children. This is due to before marketing their company they have already sent their employee to training centre for particular time. A current report from BBC news revealed that many less than 5- year-old children who are sent in childcare board look skillful and active during their school ages. However, I tend to claim this is not good choice since a child abuse is frequently occurred among childcare workers.

Busy parents are more likely to entrust their children in grandparents. This is due to the fact grandparents are more trusty than other parties. I personally experience when I am busy with my job, sending my children to my parents creates safer environment for my children. I believe this notion is more preferable since the grandparents have already been proven to be a good nurturer and have more emotional bound with the children.

All in all, even though childcare centre might guarantee children can grow properly as they provide a best treatment, I am more likely to believe that grandparents are the highly recommended party as they can be more trusted and give children the best nurture. Therefore entrusting children of pre-school age to any party who have emotional bound is highly recommended for working parents.

Writing Feedback / Drug users rehabilitation is highly acceptable as their case can be resolved in that way. [3]

Should drug addicts be jailed or rehabilitated? Discuss both views and give your opinions.

Some people say that drug users should be punished by sending them to the jail, but some argue they are the victims and should be helped by treating them in rehabilitation board. While imprisoning them is taught to give quick solution as they are hindered from accessing illegal drugs, I believe that rehabilitation is highly acceptable as the truly case can be solved.

It is argued that people who are addicted to illegal drug should be under custody. This is due to when using narcotics they have already broken the stated rule and this policy also will give them deterrent effect to not involve the same crime. Taking a well-known Indonesian artist, Roy Marten as example, when undertaking his days in the jail, he was prevented to access any illegal drugs. However, I tend to believe that this policy will not overcome the truly problem as people who are addicted are more likely to re-involve to their previous activity after free from the indictment.

Aside from the aforementioned discussion, sending the drug users in rehabilitation process is considered to solve problem. Since what the addicts experience during rehabilitated activity will cure the patients from drug addiction. A current study conducted by several medical students in Illinois University found that 75% of people who involved in narcotics will be back in normal life after experiencing rehabilitation for particular time. By this, I argue this method is more preference due to the fact that the problem can be solved in root case and people who are addicted can be totally free from narcotics.

In conclusion, although jailing people who are addicted can break their inclination from using illegal drugs, I am more likely to believe rehabilitating the addicts is more accepted as the root problem can be dealt with. Where possible the government should prioritize this logical way in eradicating drug-using issue.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 children should only focus on their study or not [2]

In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some would argue that children should focus on their study, while others think they are highly encouraged to work when studying. While working children is apparently wrong as they are not ready enough to face many problems, I believe that youngster should involve in any paid work so that many valuable lessons can be grasped.

It is avoidable that children aged less than 18 year-old are still not ready enough to enter working world which is frequently hard to encounter. This is due to when they face job and academy simultaneously, it will make them easily stress and frustration. However, a current study conducted by Bruce Joyce in Arizona University uncovered that children who concern both study and work in the same time tend to have a higher achievement that those concerning on study solely.

Needless to say, working before the age of 18 brings children a valuable experience in their lives. Since what is gained during working time make youngsters more ready and wise to encounter indefinite world. A current survey by Richardson in Finland found that it is really required for children to have a work experience these days as a tight competition among people across the world becomes increased. It is thus having valuable experience related to job is highly recommended for children below the age of 18.

To sum up, although children tend to be more stress as they face study and working in the same time, I am more likely to believe that this is very beneficial for them since youngsters will gain more priceless working experience. Therefore the government and other parties should create available job for youth in order youngster can develop their capability on it.

Writing Feedback / TASK 2 More people suffering health problems are caused by a fast food consumption [2]

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

It is believed that consuming too much fast food will result in high rate of disease suffered by inhabitants. While others believed this notion, I would argue less exercise is another factor needed to take into account. To cope with this a pressing issue, not only a higher tax should be implemented, but also guiding promoted by government on society to have a regular exercise is highly acceptable.

It cannot be denied that eating more fast food will lead to many serious sickness faced by inhabitants as this food contains more chemical ingredients which is not good for health. A current study conducted by WHO showed that many citizens suffering many health problems these days are mainly caused by unhealthy food they consume in their daily lives.This outcome of this study indicates that a great health problems suffered by city-settlers is highly connected with much fast food humans consume.

Aside from previous discussion, I am more likely to reckon that a lack of exercise held by inhabitants is another detrimental factor influencing this trend. A new finding conducted by British health government informed that many British-settlers have a less time to do regular sport. This phenomenon creates high obesity rate which highly results in some serious diseases. It is thus lack of exercise is another factor influencing human health problem.

In order to tackle this problem, besides a high fast-food tax whose aim to decrease the number of people consuming unhealthy meal, a regular exercise should be promoted by government as well, so that the awareness of inhabitants to do more exercise becomes greater which finally contribute to decrease a health problem encountered by human beings.

To conclude, it is avoidable that fast food has pivotal role in reducing health quality of people. However, I am more likely to argue that less exercise is another important factor needed to take into consideration. Therefore, both a high tax for fast food and government promotion of regular exercise on inhabitants should be applied to cope with this problem.