Beauty17
Dec 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing task 1 (The graph shows information about kinds of important communication ability) [5]
Hallo alfin kurnia.. it is nice to read your essay. However, i have found some mistakes in your essay. let me to give you severa notes!
1. Why you did not upload the picture for this essay ? if you do not have the picture file just search in google and use the question as a keyword. If you could not find the picture just take the graph picture from book use your camera than upload it. You will make your reader confuse if you did not put any picture here. Please avoid this mistake in your next essay.
2. You did not put any overview in your essay. You have to know that overview is crucial for ielts writing task 1. If you read band descriptor, even in band 5 you need to put your overview although it is not clear. You can use word "OVERALL" to give sign on your overview sentence, thus the reader will realize it that you already give your overview in your introduction paragraph. You can open this link takeielts.britishcouncil.org/sites/default/files/IELTS_task_1_Writing_band_descriptors.pdf to know more about IELTS writing task 1 band descriptor.
3. I also cannot find your measured in your introduction. Three main items that you have to concern on your introductory paragraph are You must paraphrase your question well, and you write the measure of your question, if there are further information about time and place you need to put those on the paraphrasing sentence. After that you put your overview in the following sentence, which depict the major changes or predominant things that you can conclude from the graph.
4. For your first body paragraph, it should explain your first overview, and from the first sentence reader should be able to know how you grouping your essay. First, you have immensely unclear grouping in your essay because you did not put any overview here. Next, you have to make it with smooth flow sentece. You can use cohesive device to give a sign in different sentence.
good luck :-) :-) :-)
Hallo alfin kurnia.. it is nice to read your essay. However, i have found some mistakes in your essay. let me to give you severa notes!
1. Why you did not upload the picture for this essay ? if you do not have the picture file just search in google and use the question as a keyword. If you could not find the picture just take the graph picture from book use your camera than upload it. You will make your reader confuse if you did not put any picture here. Please avoid this mistake in your next essay.
2. You did not put any overview in your essay. You have to know that overview is crucial for ielts writing task 1. If you read band descriptor, even in band 5 you need to put your overview although it is not clear. You can use word "OVERALL" to give sign on your overview sentence, thus the reader will realize it that you already give your overview in your introduction paragraph. You can open this link takeielts.britishcouncil.org/sites/default/files/IELTS_task_1_Writing_band_descriptors.pdf to know more about IELTS writing task 1 band descriptor.
3. I also cannot find your measured in your introduction. Three main items that you have to concern on your introductory paragraph are You must paraphrase your question well, and you write the measure of your question, if there are further information about time and place you need to put those on the paraphrasing sentence. After that you put your overview in the following sentence, which depict the major changes or predominant things that you can conclude from the graph.
4. For your first body paragraph, it should explain your first overview, and from the first sentence reader should be able to know how you grouping your essay. First, you have immensely unclear grouping in your essay because you did not put any overview here. Next, you have to make it with smooth flow sentece. You can use cohesive device to give a sign in different sentence.
good luck :-) :-) :-)