Writing Feedback / Significant ramifications to secure human activity by utilizing closed-circuit television (CCTV) [NEW]

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, though cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening.

Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Sophisticated era brings significant ramifications to secure human activity by utilizing closed-circuit television (CCTV) and mobile phone. Some people, on the other side, argue that some technology such as mobile phone sometimes harms children as it is being used to collect personal information through GPS application. I personally believe that technology such as CCTV plays an essential rule in security although some children are supposed to deal with mobile phone tracking.

A great number of CCTV has been used in 21 century. It is considered as the best method in secure children activity. Some parents have placed the CCTV in necessary place-bedroom, living room, playground, and kitchen- to monitor children. Obviously, CCTV has been stationed in Tomy's room by his parent. Tomy, a ten year old child from London, has been diagnosed as ADHD sufferer in 2010. He had serious problem in sleep disorder. By using CCTV, Tomy's mother and his therapist could watch his sleep behavior. Tomy slept only 3 hours a day, he used the rest time to play with his self. Subsequently, based on a recording from CCTV, the therapist designed appropriate method to cure Tomy.

Surprisingly, many cases of cellphone tracking have been done by hackers to find out personal information. Pokemon Go, a phenomenal mobile phone games harms children since it provides a great deal of personal information including user location by using GPS. Some parents in London complained they felt worry after knowing Pokemon Go have been launched by Nintendo company in 2015. Local Police warned children to inactivate GPS application after playing Pokemon Go to reduce kidnap threat.

To sum up, despite the fact that some children face serious threatening related GPS application in Pokemon Go, it is inevitable that other technology such as CCTV is the best security device to protect children activity.

Writing Feedback / The main causes of worldwide land depletion and the biggest consequences in different world parts [2]

IELTS Task 1 Reasons Why Land Degradation Happen

The chart reveals the information about the main causes of worldwide land depletion. The table illustrates the percentage of the degradation land consequences in three different regions. It shows the trend in 1990. At seen, over-grazing was the main cause of why agricultural land less productive and Europa was the most affected area.

It can be seen that over-herding had the biggest consequences for the productivity of agricultural at 35%. Virtually 30% of land degradation was caused by deforestation. It was followed by over implantation at 20%.

The most significant fact to emerge the table was these causes exacerbating land agriculture extremely in Europa at 23% while the least in North America at 5 per cent. North America had the smallest percentage of all consequences except over implantation at 3.3 per cent smaller than Europe at 7.7 % but higher than Oceania at 0%. The most severe cause in Oceania was over-grazing at 11.3%. Generally, it was the biggest percentage to degrade agricultural land in three different regions.

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Writing Feedback / Most companies throughout the world assume that money profit is the main goal of businesses [2]

The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree or disagree?

Non-Profit Business?

Some companies throughout the world assume that money profit is the main goal of businesses. They take into account to produce profitable market without any consideration. I personally disagree if money oriented is stationed in the top priority of enterprise purpose. They also should concern about the environment and society harmony.

Most of ventures tend to marginalize severe consequence of business and concern to produce profitably, such as car industry. This industry has increased dramatically over the last ten years. It has high potential profit since many people have a tendency to make automobile as primary demand. According to economic global survey, the author concluded that the annual profit of automobile industry is four times greater than production capital. However, it should not be forgotten that every industry brings significant ramification especially for environmental and social balance. In 2000, environmentalist criticized some car ventures which are expected have high contribution for climate change. They estimate 2,780 CO2 emission was produced by car every year. Generally, they calculate every country has approximately 100 billion cars. It extremely releases a great deal of CO2 emission into the atmosphere.

Society balance also plays an essential role for business industry. The company should take into consideration to the benefits of its product for community. For example, Nike as the biggest shoes company concern about child abuse by donating $ 1.00 for every shoes sold. As a result, it boosts social norms and makes the biggest mobilization conducted by society for protecting children.

To sum up, I disagree if the main goal of business is only about profitable market. They also think over of the other consequences that business brings such as environmental and social balance.

Writing Feedback / Sophisticated technology brings significant ramifications for the real connection. [2]

The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationship between people.
To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Sophisticated technology brings significant ramifications for the real connection. The empathy ability has decreased gradually over the last 10 years. Technology also reflects a profound lack of awareness. While others argue that electronic media is used to broaden networking, I strongly believe that it ruins relationship dramatically.

Technology succeeds to shift the method on how human communicates each other in society. Recently, people tend to rely on electronic media for interacting instead of communicate face to face directly. As a result, besides they can communicate with their real friend, they also use e-commerce to broaden the networking by creating virtual kinship. However, it should not be forgotten that virtual kinship is less of empathy. In any cases, it creates shallow connection not deep emotional engagement. For example, I have 500 friends in my Facebook sites but only 5 % of them who I know them so well. Most of them are my virtual friends and I do not really care about them.

Humans are biologically driven to be associate and responsive to other need. On the other hand, gadgets diminish their opportunity to engaged with and care for another person. Technology is accustomed people to be individualist. A remarkable social experiment was conducted by sociologist Harry Smith in 2013. He concluded that in 1950 only four millions folks in the United Stated lived on their own, in 2012 more than 30 millions did. This figure is predicted greater in 2020 at around 50 millions people. People are take into consideration on their life and avoid to collaborate each other.

To sum up, despite the fact that e-commerce makes people broaden their networking, most of their virtual kinship is fake. They do not have deep emotional interaction. They also lost their ability to collaborate and to enhance empathy skills as the basic ability as human being in real life.

Writing Feedback / TASK 2: visitors must follow local customs since it is the main way to preserve local culture [2]

Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behaviour. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

A rigorous regulation has been implemented in some countries in order to protect local wisdom due to culture gap effect. They assume that holidaymakers are supposed to adapt local tradition and behavior. Others argue, however, that local resident should respect cultural differences. I personally believe that visitor must follow local customs since it is the main way that they use to preserve local wisdom.

There is no doubt that cultural difference become pivotal issue for tourism mass. Despite the fact that some countries already conduct strict rule to protect local customs, others argue that native inhabitants must respect variety of culture without any intervention. Most European country, for instance, they release every holidaymaker to expose their culture as the differences precisely make acculturation to strengthen local wisdom. However, it should not be forgotten that tourism brings significant ramifications both of good and bad effect. Sometimes, some cultures are not appropriate for another country.

The essential problem that local people are supposed to overcome is cultural decadence. Some people believe that ecotourism is the best method to protect local culture. By conducting ecotourism, tourists strive to be culturally respectful and have minimal effect on host country. Indonesia implemented ecotourism since 2015. It designed well organized tour so that visitors still enjoy their journey even though they must follow some regulations. For example, dayak tribe over special tour for those who want try ancient life. Visitor must respect applicable social norms in this tribe such as using black dress. As a result, dayak tribe succeed make their culture rule as their strength to attract tourists.

To sum up, cultural differences has brought potential risk for society. Some people believe that only with respecting each other will save society. On the other hand, some country has strict authority for protecting their citizens by intervening holidaymakers to follow local rules.

Writing Feedback / Some people have a tendency to spend too much money on purchasing fashion items [2]

TASK 2 : Is it essential to pay too much cost for fashion?

Some people have a tendency to spend too much money on purchasing fashion items. However, others argue that fashion plays a pivotal role in human life. I personally believe that fashion as primary need has an essential key in society. It is only if people concern more about its function than its trend which boosts coast extremely.

There is no doubt that fashion is human primary need. People need fashion to show their existence in community. Appearance attraction sometimes is defined by its fashion. Office worker, for instance, they need well fashion to attract their client attention. However, it not should be forgotten that well fashion does not mean about high-priced. Its usefulness is the main key to classify fashion as primary need.

Moreover, most people such as public figure tend to be branded minded to reach their living standards. The function of fashion does not important for them. Sometimes, they will buy fashion only to attract publicity. For example, Syahrini as one of the most phenomenal celebrity in Indonesia must spent her money around Rp. 200.000.000,00 only to purchase shoes. It attracts public attention and many media highlight her shoes story in every headline news. This phenomenon proof successfully that people represent fashion as trends not as human primary need which we use to protect our body.

To sum up, despite the fact that fashion is a part of primary demand, some people tend to represent it as a lifestyle. They think that branded is more essential than its utility.

Writing Feedback / What is more important at a work place? Physical Appearance Or Productivity? [2]

Dress smartly plays an essential role for some ventures since it is used to attract people attention. Others assume, however, that productivity is more pivotal than physical appearance. I personally believe that how smart employee dress does not have direct correlation with worker performance and client satisfaction so that people are should not pay too much attention for their dress.

First of all, some companies have rigorous regulation to implement smartly dress for every worker. They think that appearance is the strength magnet to earn profitably market since it attracts people attention. For instance, conventional way of dressing is always used by public relationship to respect their client and to create a convenience atmosphere. However, it should not be forgotten that the main goal of business is not about attraction but it is about customer pleasure and productivity. According to Jendral Soedriman University, they conducted research involved 100 participants from different backgrounds to evaluate customer satisfaction. It showed that physical appearance did not have direct correlation with client pleasure. On the other hand, affective and behavior skills were important key for customer complacence.

Moreover, some enterprises which overlook on workers appearance succeed persuade people by their productivity such as Google and Facebook. They take into consideration on how smart people work and never comment on how smart employee dress. For instance, Mark Elliot Zuckerberg always uses skirt on his daily activity even when he met president of America. His perception about dress succeed convincing people that workers are should not rely on how well they dress up to boost productivity.

To sum up, dress smartly for some ventures succeed attracting people attention. However, some studies show that skill is more important to encourage productivity and to earn client complacence so that people are not supposed too much concern on how well they dress are.

Writing Feedback / AI is calling to battle code gone rogue [2]

wired.com/2016/08/openai-calling-techie-cops-battle-code-gone-rogue/

The article written by Cade Metz elaborates relating to open AI is calling to battle code gone rogue. There is no doubt that every technology has significant ramifications both of good and bad effect. Artificial Intelligence which has been used by sophisticated technology brought high potential for nefarious purpose. This phenomenon leads Elon Musk to create Artificial Intelligence cops. AI cops will call everyone to get involved in by sharing free AI platform for anyone who want it. Elon Musk has tendency to accelerate AI progress by making it free for anyone than rely on one or two big companies due to the power need. AI cops focus on AI abuse by preparing people to combat code gone rogue. Subsequently, by recruiting AI cops allow people to identify how far technology influencing the real world. Financial Firms, for instance, abusing subtle tricks to get profit by manipulating AI systems. They also use AI cops to handle cyber security.

Writing Feedback / TASK 2 : Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages [2]

It is becoming increasingly common for people to start up their own enterprise than working in other venture. Despite the fact that it brings the real consequences such as high modal and risk, I strongly believe that the merit often outweighs any demerit since it leads people to broaden their creativity.

There is no doubt that high modal and risk play an important role to start up own business. To build up new venture people must calculate meticulously every demand so that they need high modal. According to Jakarta economic survey, showed that to make new enterprise people need Rp. 200.000.000,00. The other consequence that people are supposed to deal is risk matter. People need to compete with other competitors to get profitable market. A great deal of competitors makes new company hard to find a new market. As a result, people who start new business fail to organize their new venture.

However, it should not be forgotten that the main power to start up this phenomenon is about creativity. It is really different from working in the other company which employers have to depend on owner regulation. By using creativity people can implement all their ideas so that they work with love and desire. Creativity also tend to make people have a good problem solving skills. It may be due to the fact that they will defend to make their creativity alive so that they can survive for every single risk. Bob Sadino, for instance, he really love his job since it leads him to create the luxurious apartment. Luxurious apartment is the real evidence how creativity can persuade a wide range of people even though he faced severe problem during his life including economic crisis in 1988. However, his creativity is bigger than his problems. This is the most important role to organized venture.

To sum up, start up new business for some people make the real drawbacks such as money problems and risk. On the other hand, by using creativity people can deal with the consequences so that they will survive and succeed to lead their company.

Writing Feedback / Both of married and unmarried groups were divided into four age categories to check their happiness [2]

TASK 1 : Happiness ratings for married and unmarried people in the US

The charts reveal the percentage of happiness rating for married and unmarried people. Both of married and unmarried groups were divided into four age categories. Overall in can be seen that married people was more success to find their happiness than bachelor. However, there were not significant differences of gladness rating between parent with and without children

As seen, compared to the bracket of unmarried group, the figure of married group showed more success to get their pleasure rate. Virtually over 40% of couples group leaded enjoyment rating in 18-64 age categories. Meanwhile, unmarried group stayed at around 20% in the same criteria. For elderly category, however, the percentage of single happiness rating was higher than other categories with similar group at 34% but still lower than married group for all criteria.

The most significant fact to emerge second chart was the similar number of gladness rating for married with and without children in US. The number of each category showed more or less 40% success rate getting their happiness.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1: the percentage of fresh graduate educators being required to teach two foreign [3]

The graph reveals information about the percentage of fresh graduate educators being required to teach two foreign languages in Ontario. It shows the trend over a six-year period, from 2001 to 2007. Overall, it can be seen that English language teachers had downward trend during these times. In contrast, there was an upward trend of French language teachers.

The most significant fact to emerge this graph was the similar number of those who teach English and French in 2001, just above 70% and 70%, respectively. Over the next two years, English teachers decreased dramatically by almost 32 %. French teachers, on the other hand, went down at 52%, and up at 68 %.

Between 2003 and 2004, English and French teachers increased steadily, but French educators being hired still higher than English educators. In the last two years, English teachers dipped to 28 % while the percentage of French-language teachers suddenly decreased by 1% before it reached peak at 72%.

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Writing Feedback / Task 2 : The Way To Have Healthy Lifestyle essay [3]

Healthy life style is the most pivotal issue in sophisticated era. Some people argue that these days bring the real consequence for human's lifestyle especially food trend since there are a great deal of hyperpalatabe-food which people have a tendency to consume. However, I strongly believe modern era precisely tend to build well-educated society as it provides a plenty of information relating to how should people make healthy lifestyle so that people can implement this information.

Food plays an essential role in modern era. This may be due to the fact that plenty of people represent food not only for daily human need but also as the way of human life. For example, the result of recent study showed that the trend of highly engineered food increased significantly in the last 10 years as many entertainers in television program consume this food in their daily life such as burger king in friend television program. Subsequently, some people make their idol as primary role model so that they imitate the diet lifestyle in their life.

On the other hands, it should not be forgotten that a contemporary world also gives a great deal of information so that people can be educated. It has a high potential to create well-educated community since people can find reliable information relating to healthy food. The dangers of junk food, for instance, it makes people aware that this nourishment has a carcinogenic risk. As a result, some decide to avoid this meal and make a good deal with food issue by consuming a healthy food such as organic food.

To sum up, despite the fact that modern world brings a serious issue by making junk food as human's lifestyle, actually it is easy for people to overcome this trend by finding credible information relating to bad lifestyle then they implement the information in the real life.

Writing Feedback / Are parents supposed to teach proper social behavior to their children? [2]

IELTS WRITING TASK 2: parents and school should teach children how to be good members of society

A wide range of people argue that parents are supposed to teach about good fellow of society for their children, whereas other believe that school is the best place to teach children relating to this issue. I strongly believe both parents and schools have same essential role to highlight how to be a good member of society for children.

There is no doubt that education which is conducted by school is the best method to broaden children horizon since it provides a great deal of knowledge. The school curriculum is also created by involving three essential aspects (affective, behavior, and cognitive) to improve children skills including how to deal with society by becoming a good member of community. For instance, Indonesia authority has a rigorous regulation by implementing these aspects in civic education lesson. This subject concerns to create human values for children and teaches them how to become a good member of society. Moreover, it is not only about cognitive skills but also how to implement behavior and affective skills in real society such as by conducting community service from student.

However, it should not be forgotten that children life is not about school life but how they behave in the real society. Parents lead an pivotal role to control their children in society. They also have responsibility to teach their children as human being. For example, they become a good role model for their children by pointing a good attitude. Helping each other, generous, empathy, and smile are the simplest ways that parents can teach about by giving the example. Subsequently, parents must control their children attitude intensively as there are plenty of bad habits that can lead children break human rules in society.

To sum up, parents and schools should take into account of society education for their children. They are supposed to collaborate each rule by implementing civic education in schools and parents have to control their children is society so that their children can be good member of society.

Writing Feedback / Cocoon can produce 300 - 900 metres of thread. Life cycle Of silkworms / steps to produce silk cloth [3]

The diagrams illustrate silkworms' life cycle and the steps to produce silk cloth. It can be seen that silkworm has 4 stages; egg, silkworm larva, silk thread, and cocoon. Silk cloth, on the other hand, takes 5 steps; selecting, boiling, unwinding, twisting, and weaving.

The first diagram elaborates the circulation of the silkworm. The cycle is begun when moth lay downs eggs in mulberry leaf. After 10 days later, eggs transform to become silkworm larva. In this step, larva consumes mulberry leaf. Larva makes silk thread after 4-6 weeks from the second stage. The forth step, silk thread change perfectly into a cocoon after 3-8 days and it will metamorphose into moth after 3-8 days later.

The second diagram shows how to produce silk cloth. Firstly, it needs to select the cocoon from the fourth stage of silkworm's life cycle. Subsequently, cocoon is put into boiling water. Cocoon can produce 300 - 900 metres of thread after it is unwound in the third step. The fourth step is twisting and dyeing. The last step is to weave thread into cloth. However, it needs another dyeing before cloth ready to use.

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Writing Feedback / Children have a tendency to select unhealthy lifestyle, especially to consume hyper-palatable food. [3]

Topic:
many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. to what extent do you agree with this statement? give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Recently, a large number of children has a tendency to select unhealthy lifestyle especially to consume hyperpalatable food. Most people argue that parents and schools have a same pivotal role to overcome this phenomenon. A stringent supervision must be applied such as children's food controlling by conducting food education in schools and parents have to avoid giving pocket money since children use it to buy junk food.

Schools has an essential role to lead children gain their healthy life since it teach children about education. Healthy life becomes a trend issue that schools are supposed to handle immediately. There are a wide range of ways to teach children about healthy life, but schools must consider how these way run effectively. According to Al Irsyad elementary schools, this school has unique method to educate children about healthy lifestyle by conducting sleuth game. They believe that game is the best method to attract children learning healthy lifestyle as it provides a great deal of fun. As a result, teacher can transform their ideas effectively.

Parents have same crucial role to monitor about children lifestyle as many children tend to spend their money to buy highly-engineered food. Parents must take into consideration to avoid giving a regular sum of money for children and provide a lunch box instead. However, some parent complain about children are accustomed to be picky-eaters. In this case, parents should broaden their creativity to serve interest and healthy nourishment. They can serve it by imitating from food blog such us tasty food which provides a wide range of variety cuisines to attract children.

To sum up, both of schools and parents are supposed to take an action solving unhealthy lifestyle issue. They have to collaborate each role to make children healthier by implementing food education in schools and parents serve packed meal so that they can avoid to give a regular sum of money children usually used to buy highly-engineered food.