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Posts by Dioba
Name: Dioba Dilianto
Joined: Sep 13, 2016
Last Post: Dec 8, 2016
Threads: 68
Posts: 104  
Likes: 7
From: Indonesia
School: Sepuluh Nopember Institute of Technology

Displayed posts: 172 / page 2 of 5
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Dioba   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Summary Task BlackBerry's Rise and Fall in 10 Phones [4]

The era of BlackBerry has end. BlackBerry company officially announced would stop designing and producing its own product. The major reason for BlackBerry's stopped is iPhone changed everything with their numerous of innovation and BlackBerry was too slow to adapt with it. To face the future, BlackBerry itself will live as a software and services provider. Nowadays, BlackBerry was made the most revenue from software, it is contrary from the past. The software business holds nearly as many challenges today as hardware did a decade ago. Furthermore, it may be difficult to remember in 2016, but BlackBerry was once not just a dominant force, but the most innovative company, with handsets beloved by businesses, politicians, and fast-typists in the past. The behavior of the business it is chasing is evolving rapidly, with strong new competitors coming in. BlackBerry is not starting from dominant position this time around, so it is less vulnerable to that sort of disruption, but it is not going to be an easy way.
Dioba   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / SUMMARS TEDx HOW TO LEARN AN LANGUAGE IN SIX MONTH [3]

After reading your summary,i have some advice,perhaps useful for you.Keep writing!
1. ... talked about learn the second language. they said this is hard ...-----> you must put dot after "language" to make this sentence clearly.

2. wrong spelling words.
efectively -----> effectively
only six month ------> months
strategy- ----> strategies
doesnt -----> does not
patern -----> pattern
psicological -----> psychological
3. According to the speaker everybody can belonging stranger language only six month, the progress ...------> remember, put dot after "speaker" to make the sentence clearly
Dioba   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Specialist schools, grammar schools, voluntary-controlled schools are programs and their pupils. [2]

The table represents information about percentage of pupils attending four secondary school types between 2000 and 2009. Overall, specialist schools, grammar schools and voluntary-controlled schools are programs in which gradually during 9 years. It is importance to notice that only community schools were increased dramatically. Between 2000 and 2009, grammar schools and specialist schools are decreased. Both of them fell from 12 percent to one in ten and from less than a quarter to 12 percent. Furthermore, specialist schools decreased gradually by 1 percent in each 2005 and 2009. At the same time, voluntary-controlled decreased dramatically from approximately a half to one-fifth. On the contrary, community schools always increase dramatically from 12 percent in 2000 to more than a half in 2009.




Dioba   
Oct 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Discussion: Free Trade and lack of capital, low standard products, and unskilled workers [4]

Hi Yonathan,after reading your summary, i have some suggestions, perhaps useful for you.
1. ... higher quality and cheaper than the local industries will ...
2. If the government (...) and drawbacks carefully ( dont forget put comma to make this sentence clearly ) the free trade will ...
3. wrong spelling grammar
think their unique products
local industry ----> local industries
Dioba   
Oct 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / A Five-hundred-meter Aperture Spherical Telescope called FAST was began spying on outer space [2]

IELTS Summary Task Biggest radio telescope on Earth ready to receive alien signals

A Five-hundred-meter Aperture Spherical Telescope called FAST was began spying on outer space since 25 September. FAST become the largest radio telescope in the world in which 200 meters bigger than its closest rival, the Arecibo Observatory in Puerto Rico was built in the 1960. The major functions of FAST are measure radio waves in space, allowing scientists study the rotation of galaxies, keep an eye on the behavior of pulsars and signals sent from aliens. Located in mountainous area of Guizhou Province in south-western China, make it was protected from radio-wave interference such as signals sent by cell phones and Wi-Fi. Furthermore, FAST will able to see dimmer objects better than Arecibo telescope can detect. Because of the size of FAST is very large, it means FAST collects more light. The advantage of FAST is FAST makes a faint signal more clearly. On the contrary, FAST was difficult moved his dish for observe different region of space. To anticipate that problem, FAST mirrored panels and its receiver are designed to move in conjunction, allowing experts observed at whatever part of the space.
Dioba   
Oct 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Most of professions such as lawyer and doctor will see a significant change, as result of machinery [2]

Hi kiev, this is some advice for you. Perhaps useful for you.

1.wrong spelling word
proffessions ---->profesions
as as result of machinery.----> redudancy
half of human's jobs are in the risk being take over ...
2.... machine learning as athe most influential branch ...
3.... 1990 with fairly simple jobs , ---->better use dot for end this sentence
4.... to handle a more complicated task such as to give score
Dioba   
Oct 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Robotic race cars. The autonomous vehicle was a dream and it has been dream since 1939 [3]

The autonomous vehicle was a dream and it is still the dream since 1939. But, recently years, dream took a step forward when the state of Nevada granted Google's self-driving car become the first license for an autonomous vehicle. California's considering similar legislation. In the speaker lab at Stanford, he has been working on autonomous cars too with a little of different from commonly autonomous cars. He developing robotic race cars, and develop their performances to the limit of physical performance. There are some reasons why he choose to develop robotic race cars. First, the autonomous car should be at least as good as the best human drivers. Almost majority of the people know that human ability as a driver in above-average as a driver. And the last is he want the robotic race cars has capabilities of fast speed and avoid any accident can occur. He has a map of a race track and a mathematical model of a car with some iteration, he find that the fastest way around that track. The last, he compared with data that he was recorded from an expert of driver, the results is absolutely remarkable.
Dioba   
Oct 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 : Money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. [3]

Hi naruetai.i give some advice,perhaps useful for you.
1.It is considered bysome that money is a key to happiness. ----> you must explain more to make this sentence clearly. someone or some people?

2. A clear example of this is nonprofit organization, the volunteers work ... ----> this in that sentence mention to the ?
3. ... satisfactions which can be gain by having a good attitude, for instance, Buddhist monks are trained ... ----> careful with punctuation. better you put dot (.) before you give for instance/for example.

4. This is the type of agree or disagree question.you should be put clearly statement in the early passage that you are totally disagree with the question.
Dioba   
Oct 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some professors claim that learning a foreign language should be started in the earliest grades [3]

Hi ucha,i give some suggestions, perhaps useful for you.

... will be much bettersince we were a child because children are able to ... ----> since=because=as have same meaning, it is means redundancy in one sentence.

... by the theory of a second language and (...) acquire or learn a second/foreign language.

One problem is that students will be ...
Another issue is that childhood is the period ... -----> if you mention another issue, so in the early sentence it must be " one of the problems is"
Dioba   
Oct 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Beau Lotto, the TED speaker, began his speech with a game. [7]

Beau Lotto, as the TED speaker, begin his speech with a game. The results of the game show that colors enable us to see the similarities and differences between surfaces depend on the full spectrum of light that they reflect. For instance, the light that falls into eyes is determined by multiple things in the world. Not only the color of an object, but also the color of their illumination. The color of the space between us and object also has important role in this phenomenon. Numerous of aspects can change the color of the light that falls onto eyes. It can become a problem if the same image has an infinite number of possible real-life resources. For instance, he gave some example such as an object with similar shape, size and he content. The totally difference between both of them is there are come from completely different sources. From the example, he told us that sensory information is meaningless because it is mean literally anything. Our brain evolved the mechanisms for finding patterns and finding some relationships in information. Furthermore, brain associating those relationships with behavioral meaning.
Dioba   
Oct 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / Recently, many politicians and academician discuss about renewable energy and its benefits [5]

Hi Yonathan, let me give some advice, perhaps useful for you.

1.Recently, many politicians and academician discuss about renewable energy ...
2. ... sound promising to overcome the scarcity of fossil energy.
3.Secondly, alternative energy is a solution for ... Many countries which do not have fossil energy import a large of crude oil and charcoals from another country like Venezuela and Saudi Arabia to fulfil energy necessity. ----> the second sentence must be connected and support with the sentence before.This sentence it called supporting sentence

4.For example, alternative energy such as solar panel, windmill , and geothermal are natural resources ----> solar panel and windmill is not alternative energy.but the device for produce energy from alternative energy.
Dioba   
Oct 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / H.A.I.L. - it's the key which opens listeners ears and consciousness for spoken words [7]

Hi erwin 1,let me give some advice,perhaps useful for you.
1.There are four really powerful cornerstones, foundations, that we can stand on...-----> you just need put one word. both of them almost same meaning.

2. The "A" is authenticity, you just being yourself
3.The "L" is love, wishing people well, for two reasons. ----> you should be put the next sentence, or it called supporting sentences , to explain what is the two reasons.
Dioba   
Oct 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Summary Task U.S. Hasn't Gone This Long Without a Big Hurricane in 150 Years [3]

Nowadays, Hurricane Matthew slams into Haiti and heads toward the United States, particularly southeast coast. This destructive storm may become initially storm to hit the United States in more than 10 years. It is become the record all the time. Matthew could become destroy the United States similar with the last major hurricane -Wilma- struck such as Key West and Florida with speed of winds approximately 120 miles per hour. This is also mean Matthew has become the longest period and the most destructive major natural disaster since record began in 1851. Fortunately, other major hurricane such as Ike, Sandy and Katrina absence surge The United States. This is since steering currents remained friendly and there have been a lot of recurving storms. Originally, Matthew initially as a tropical or windy rainstorm in Southeastern. Furthermore, the storm has strengthening in October and it is strongest briefly reach 160 mph. For anticipated and avoid citizen fatalities, the government was declared for South Carolina and North Carolina.
Dioba   
Oct 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Is it true, that in order to understand the culture of a country, we must speak the local language? [3]

Hi Yonathan, let me give some advice, perhaps useful for you.
1. For instance, nowadays the college students learn a lot (...), and encyclopaedia. ---> you should put "Nowadays" in the beginning of the sentence.

2. On the other hand, there are several reasons why ...----> In my standpoint, position of the "on the other hand" is inappropriate. There are several reasons why we do not have to speak the language in order to learn the culture of a country is appropriate to support your statement in the above.

3.Nowadays there are several literature ...----> you should be put comma after nowadays
Dioba   
Oct 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / All in all, I disagree that a person should be able to speak language to understand other cultures [3]

Some people think that a person can never understand the culture of a country unless they speak the language
Do you agree with this opinion?


Several people argue that someone want to understand the culture of a country should be able to speak the native language in that country. There are numerous of reasons encourage the statement.

First, language is the only way people to communication each other around world. When the people unable to speak other language, it makes visitors difficult for communication and understand each other with native people. For instance, some visitors want to travel for learn about cultures in German, they should be able to speak the language of the destination country. Secondly, language represents cultures and identity of a country. To illustrate, German is the most polite language in the world which almost all of the sentences they put word such as please.

However, I tremendously disagree with the statements. Firstly, nowadays spreading of information around the world makes us easy to access in the internet and to get details information about anything without exception, including cultures. A case in point, researchers can learn cultures and lifestyle of a country from the internet although they not come to the country. Secondly, a large number of translators can tell the visitors about their native cultures. For illustrate, visitors who want to visit Zimbabwe, they can hire translator to tell them about the cultures of the Zimbabwe, so visitors still can communication with native people.

All in all, I tremendously disagree if a person should be able to speak to understand other cultures. In my standpoint, there are several ways to learn about cultures without speak their language.
Dioba   
Oct 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Connection between language and culture. Communication is important. [4]

Hi. Let me give some advice, perhaps useful for you.
1. The world has so many languages and has so many different cultures too.----> redudancy
better you can change with : a large number of, array of, a large quantity, so your sentence not looks like monotonous. or another option is you can merge:The world has so many languages and has so many different cultures too.

2.First,you should write the question in your essay, so other people will know about the question and can analyze of your essay. Secondly, fortunately i know the question, the question about agree and disagree. So,you should make clear sentence that you are n the position of agree or disagree about the statement in the question.

3.Common pattern in writing essay is :
-paraphrase the question,your statement depend on you (agree or disagree), body 1,body 2 and conclusion.
Dioba   
Oct 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / I believe that become an entrepreneur is good choice - business instead of working for a company. [4]

Hi, let me give some advice, perhaps useful for you.
1.business innovations build to getting better salary such as ...---> to infinitive. It means that after to should be follow by V1/bare infinitive

2. ... but star a company hasthe disadvantages outweigh the ...
3.missspeling word
star ----> start
Louncing --->launching
4.. ... necessary for regularly people, nowadays.---> should be put in initial sentence
Dioba   
Oct 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / School is killing the creativity of a student. Humanity and arts subjects are negligible. [2]

Sir Ken Robinson, as a TED speaker and education expert, stated that creativity is important in education as literacy. In the fact, creativity only unessential and not become focus in education in school. Nowadays, schools prefer to focus on the ways to produce professors and have a tendency to more focus on exact subjects for prepare their student to face in the future. In every system of education, several subjects such as mathematics and science always on the top of concern subjects. In the other hand, humanity and arts are being on the bottom list. He gives an interesting example about a little girl and a teacher. When in the drawing lessons, the teacher ask about what the girl draw. She replies that she trying to draw a God. The reply of the girl makes the teacher wonderment. School has killing the creativity of the student.
Dioba   
Oct 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Athlete Has a Great Peripheral Vision Ability in Sports [5]

Hi, let me give some advice, perhaps useful for you
1.to detecting ----> to detect. Remember, to infinitive. To should be follow by v1/bare infinitive
So, it should be : to detect and track
2.do not pay attention to it. -----> about
3.to balance their head movement an and eye motion to ...---.> missspeling word
Dioba   
Oct 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / How the parents endangering their children imagination [2]

Hi, let me give some advice, perhaps useful for you.
1.Children nowadays are becoming overwhelm with ... ---> transition word (commonly for showing time), commonly in initial sentence.
2. rigid agendas. -----> inappropriate using rigid to represent agendas. better use strict for agendas or schedule
3. ... creative thinking to explore their world and to discover their self. ---->... creative thinking for explore their world and to discover themself.
Dioba   
Oct 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / China plans launch the biggest space plane to carry 20 tourists - IELTS summary [3]

China plans launch the biggest space plane to carry 20 tourists

Even China can't resist the lure of space tourism. A state-backed firm is developing and design a gigantic space plane. The plane may one day fly up to the edge of space.

The China Academy of Launch Vehicle Technology in Beijing has designed a simple, one-piece space plane whose design can be scaled up to carry more people, academy rocket scientist Lui Haiquang told the International Astronautical Congress in Guadalajara, Mexico, last week.

The academy will have plenty of competition. Big companies such as Virgin Galactic, whose Space Ship Two space plane will offer six passengers trips and XCOR, whose proposed Lynx vehicle will fly a single passenger seated beside a pilot. Blue Origin's suborbital space capsule, New Shepard, aims to carry six tourists. But, academy team believe consumer demand will be high enough to build more higher capacity spacecraft.

A large number of people are interested in the experience of space flight. This project will very attractive for some people such as bosses and businessmen.

They have designed a winged rocket that takes off under its own power. That sets it apart from Space Ship Two, which must be carried to high altitude by an aircraft before firing its own rocket.
Dioba   
Oct 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Time's Summary: Pro-Government Demonstrators Clash With Opposition in Caracas [5]

Hi, let me give some advice, perhaps useful for you.
1.Today , protest wave in Venezuela ...-----> better if you use recently, nowadays, todays-world
2.On account of In theThe fact that they contra
3.They, furthermore, said Maduro was brought ...----->Furthermore, they said Maduro was brought that country far cry from initial tracks.
4.they argue that inflation of economic index,
Dioba   
Oct 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Formal clothes in a workplace. Quality of work above appearance. [2]

HI, let me give some advice, perhaps useful for you.
1.who use the danger equipmenttools or working in the factoryfield
2.employees' ---->wrong punctuation
3. ... to use casual clothes to the office but they have to bring their ...----> remember the punctuation. put dot before "but" and comma after that to make the sentence looks smoothly flow.

4.I think, the working places decide how they have to dress.---> personally, better if you put more little explanation about what working places and the appropriate uniform.to make clearly your statement.
Dioba   
Oct 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / The unemployment and careless of society have impact on the rise of the crime level [4]

IELTS Writing TASK II Increasing crime

Recently, there has been a proliferation of the level of crime. There are several reasons why the crime activities are increasing and discuss some remedies to prevent it.

The predominant factors impacts on the rise of crime activities such are unemployment and careless of the society. Firstly, based on research, there is strong relationship between increasing of the jobless and the rise of criminal activities such as robberies and theft. Jobless have a tendency to do criminals such robberies in the street to fulfill their basic needs. For illustrate, in several metropolitan cities in Indonesia, the number of cases caused by robberies reach a thousand of cases during 2016. Almost of felonies gave reasons that they did the robberies to fulfill their basic needs. Secondly, commuters in big cities careless are surrounding them, particularly in public transportation and facilities. Because of careless of the people, felonies use this moment as a chance to take action, especially the time of commuters back to their home. For instance, felonies more likely take an action in public transportation such as train and bus which the situation is the cup of tea of criminals.

There are several reasons to prevent the risk in criminal activities. Firstly, rulers have a role important to make a strict policy about punishment for felonies. The predominant purpose of this policy is to make deterrent effects to the criminals and hopes can reduce criminals in the future. Secondly, modern era gives numerous of advance technology which society can use for prevent the criminals such CCTV. Nowadays, lavish of supermarket and shopping markets are using CCTV to maintain and control the situation. For illustrate, almost all of supermarket in metropolitan cities are using CCTV to control large area of their business and prevent the goods from theft.

All in all, numerous of factors such as jobless and careless of the society can tackle by several ways such as strict policy and use modern technology such CCTV. In my standpoint, participating of essentials elements such as the governments and society to make a new job opportunity.
Dioba   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / The amount of merchandise in million tones that has been carried in UK by four modes of transport [5]

HI, let me give some advice, perhaps useful for you.
1.the highest transport to goods transported in the same (...) the smallest transportation that used ...----> you miss understanding. road, pipeline and rail are not transportation, there are modes of transport

2. your summary is too monotonous. try to modify and use some word to express about the increase ( for instance : increase gradually/dramatically), decrease ( for example: plunged to) and fluctuated.

3. For the beginning, you can say that " In 1974, the amount of goods transported by rail stood at almost 40 million tones"
4. To make smoothly flow, put some conjunction words such as Next, furthermore, moreover, etc.
Dioba   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / Discussing on the advantages and disadvantages of online computer games for chilren [3]

Hi, let me give several advice for you, perhaps useful for your essay.
1.Online games are valuable by ... ----> Several people believe that online games are valuable for children.
2.It is believed that even though children (...) on this game, they usually forgetting about ...
3.an unique ways -----> an unique way ( remember: an is article for singular)
4. You should be explain more clear about the benefits and the negative impacts
Dioba   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / Tai Lopez shared his experience how to be successful person [4]

Hi, let me give several advice, perhaps useful for you.
1.He suggests to the people to ...----> suggested ( past)
2.designing the life --->design better life
3. ... is one of the most important (?) to pursuit the better future----> important stage
Dioba   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / People have more attention for a look and not what kind a person someone is. Cameron Russell summary [8]

TED Summary Cameron Russell

Image is powerful and superficial. Image can transform mindset of someone in a second and sometimes bring huge impact in our lives. Cameron Russell, as a TED speaker and a professional model for more than a decade, was started her history became a model. He was awarded by tall, slender figures, femininity and white skin. She also illustrates several difference photos between her real life and her image which is constructed by several people such as some experts, hairstylists, makeup artists, photographers and stylists. All of essential elements combining their ability and build Cameron image they want. In the other hand, not only free stuff, but also she got simplicity in daily life. For illustrate, someday she went to a store and she forgot brought money. Fortunately, the store gave her the clothes for free. She regret since she got that things because how she looks, not who she is. It is like people more attention for how they look and no who like they are.
Dioba   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / The Republic of China: A state-backed up a firm that is developing a gigantic space ship [4]

IELTS Summary Task China plans world's biggest spaceplane to carry 20 tourist

Nowadays, Republic of China cannot hold the lure of extra terrestrial tourism. A state-backed firm is developing a gigantic space plane. This space plane can fly up to more than 20 passengers to sky space - significantly more people than any other commercial spaceflight firm has pledged to fly to date. Before realized, the test flights will be finished in the next two years, because almost all of the engineering tests have been finished and all the subsystems of the test vehicle worked very well. Moreover, The China Academy of Launch Vehicle Technology in Beijing has designed a simple, one-piece space plane whose design can be scaled up to carry more people. The academy will have several competitors such as Virgin Galactic, whose SpaceShipTwo aero plane will offer six passengers trips to near-space, and XCOR, whose proposed Lynx vehicle will fly a single passenger seated beside a pilot. They have designed a winged rocket that takes off under its own power. The vehicle will take off vertically like a rocket and land on the runway automatically without any ground or on-board intervention.
Dioba   
Nov 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / Jean Paul Sartre thought is eligble in 21 st [4]

HI, let me give some advice, perhaps useful for you.
1.This papers ----> you should paraphrase this sentence to introduce your essay. reader cannot follow your essay if you start with the statement.
2.onea dimensional society, lack of critical thought. (better if you use article, not number)
3.you have to put conjunction to make your essay's flow smoothly. ( for instance: moreover, furthermore, in one hand, etc)
4.be careful about your punctuation ( This becomes a huge problem in the decades which are faced by. ( you should not put dot in here) The Philosophers, however, do not keep silence of it. )
Dioba   
Nov 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary _ It's Time for Women to Run for Office, Halla Tomasdottir [3]

Hi let me give some advice for you, perhaps useful for you.
1.the only one female candidate---> useless word, repetitive
2. so role model is the crucial thing to be owned.----> better if you make clear statement. explain about what "thing" what you means. For illustrate, so role model is the crucial problem to be owned.

3. excellent when you put some conjunction word such Next, but the flow of your essay not smoothly.
4.each candidates ---> each follow by singular
Dioba   
Nov 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / Meat production requires relatively more land than crop production. [2]

Hi, i give some advice for you, perhaps useful for you.
1. ... harmful to our ecosystem. GM foods have a negative impact on ... ----> after the main sentence, you put support sentence, but you do not explain more about your supporting sentence and not give example to make the sentence clearly, so the reader will easy to follow your summary.

2. It is true that with the growth in the world's...
3. Firstly, depending on vegetation as a main [...] that are used to feed animals. ---> you should be explain why depending on vegetation might reduce the size of live stock. but unfortunately, you supporting sentence not explain about your first argument.

Keep writing.
Dioba   
Nov 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1 : The Elder Population in Three different countries [4]

Hi, let me give some advice, perhaps useful for you.
1. give the measurement statement. ---> A breakdown of the information about the proportion (...) line graph and is measured by percent. .
remember to put 3 predominant elements in your introduction. First, paraphrase the question, second is about what we are talking about, in this case is the proportion of elderly people in three different developed countries for a 100-year period, Third is the measurement.

2. you should be more use paraphrase about the number. ex : 10 % = one-ten or a minority to make your essay more interesting.
Overall good and keep writing Miss Nurul.
Dioba   
Nov 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS task TED Summary Holly Morris, nuclear accident in Chernobyl [4]

In 1986, the world's worst nuclear accident was happened and released nuclear radiation 400 times as much as radiation the bomb dropped by The United States in Hiroshima. The accident was occurred in Chernobyl. Nowadays, Chernobyl is more popular as a dead city because leak of nuclear reactor several years ago. After the accident, the environment particularly Chernobyl's soil, water and air are categorized as the highest contaminated on our hemisphere. Holly Morris, as a TED speaker, was tried to filming the accident of Chernobyl. She found strange facts about the area that vast of people were evacuated at the time of the accident. But at the moment, she saw smoke coming from a farmhouse. Moreover, several citizens still stay and living inside the dangerous environment and they called them self as self-settlers. Almost of them are women and they lives in dangerous area. For the victim of this tragedy suffered higher levels of anxiety and depression all lives. But for self-settlers, their spirit and existence of them keep their spirit for their life.
Dioba   
Nov 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary IELTS Task Beagle Mars probe probably didn't crash, new analysis shows [6]

Beagle 2, British aero plane, was assumed failed to reach the surface of Mars because no reply signal was received back. Moreover, the team has a tendency to assume that the parachute and airbags which is to slow down the acceleration of Beagle had been broken, in other word Beagle 2 crashed. After more than a decade, surprisingly it was found on the Martian surface. Furthermore, to find clear explanation about what happened with Beagle 2, some experts conduct research used 3D software and tool to match both simulated and truly images of Beagle 2. The purpose is to find real explanation as would be possible without landing on the planet itself. As we know, Mars is one of delicate planet because of the atmosphere. In other hand, Nick Higget, a researcher from De Montfort University, conclude that the Beagle 2 did not destroyed, but landed and probably deployed most of its panels.

source : newscientist.com/article/2112484-beagle-mars-probe-probably-didnt-crash-new-analysis-shows/
Dioba   
Nov 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / Bar Chart 3 : Imprisonment statistics in Five big Countries in the Twentieth Century [3]

Hi, let me give some advice, perhaps useful for you.
1. First of all, you should put the image of the chart, to make other people easy to follow your essay.
2. For IELTS task writing 1, in the introduction, you have to put proper information including:
-paraphrase the statement and make it more interesting for reader.
- put the measurement to measure about the graph ( example: .... and is measured in percent/ton/million, depend on the chart)
- put the overall to make clear the view.
3.In contrasted
Dioba   
Nov 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Downloading copyrighted music and books from the internet - IELTS Writing Task2 [6]

Hi, let me give some advice for you, perhaps useful for you.
1. for IELTS writing task 2, you have to write at least 250 words.( your essay no more than 200)
2. you should add another a body/second paragraph to explain more about the disadvantage. Although the question is to what extent is this a positive or a negative development, but i suggest you explain about both of them.

3. After you added new second paragraph, you should make a main idea, supporting sentence and an example to complete the paragraph.
4. do not forget insert a conclusion to make clear what view you are. It can hone your score.
Keep writing and break a leg.
Dioba   
Nov 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Declined trends about elephant's population number, between 1997 and 2004, in most Asian countries [3]

Hi,what a good summary, but let me give several advice, perhaps useful for you.
1. Good introduction, but you forget to put about the measurement in introduction sentence ( for instance : percent, million ). In the bar chart, the measurement is the number.

the essential elements in introduction are paraphrase the question and the measurement.
2. ... information about the alteration maximumthe maximum alteration of Asian elephant's (...) between 1997 and 2004 that is shown in ...
Keep writing and break a leg!
Dioba   
Nov 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Changing many jobs in our career can help us add more skills for our life [4]

Hi, what a good summary, but let me give some comments, perhaps useful for you.
1. not only does his skill get enhanced, but also he is versatile and has a larger vision.
2. sometime you need to paraphrase several word, so your essay not monotonous.
(For instance : Job = occupation = profession = work, money change with income or revenue.
3. Avoid to use "thing", it is blur meaning. You have to make specific word.
we all like new jobs and discover new things experience.
4. In the third paragraph, better if you add a supporting sentence after the main idea and before you give an example. A supporting sentence to make your view is clear.

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