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Posts by mardian24
Name: Mardian Rinaldi
Joined: Oct 25, 2016
Last Post: Dec 2, 2016
Threads: 46
Posts: 60  
From: Indonesia
School: SMAN8

Displayed posts: 106 / page 1 of 3
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mardian24   
Dec 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / People can keep in touch easily by using modern technology, even though it may lead to conflicts [2]

Modern technology is changing our world. This has advantages such as bringing people closer together through communication. It also has disadvantages such as destroying the differences between cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In recent days, the development of technology undeniably brings better life in the world. People are able to communicate easily which can make them closer, while there is a drawback that will disturb a harmonious in the culture. However, this essay stands on the line with proponents who agree with this notion. This essay will first discuss that time and distance are not obstacles and then talk underestimating the minority of culture.

To begin with, it is inevitably true that cutting-edge technology makes interaction simpler than before. People do not need numerous efforts to reach others on the grounds that they are able to use mobile phones to communicate to everyone. For instance, my peers always call me from Aberdeen which has more than 5,000 kilometers from my home directly. It means that I can keep contact with my friend by using technology. Up to a point, this is true but it seems nothing if people do not meet their friends directly.

On the other hand, there is a drawback in every positive improvisations of technology. First of all, inhabitants are able give bad comments to other cultures by using the internet. The conflict will appear from this situation or even criminals are the worst consequence that will happen. It occurs because people can get information on the internet and it is not hard to say negative sides on it. But, it is able to give benefits to increase knowledge from other cultures in a country.

To sum up, I totally agree that people can keep in touch easily by using technology, even though it can give conflict in society. In my opinion, technology should be used appropriately and still follow the rule of technology.
mardian24   
Dec 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / The average distance in miles which people drove to somewhere else in England from 1985 to 2000 [2]

The table below gives information about changes in modes of travel in England between 1985 and 2000.

A breakdown of the average distance in miles how people move to somewhere else in England from 1985 to 2000, is depicted in the table. Overall, it can be seen that car experienced the most favorite transportation in both years, while taxi recorded the smallest in the first category year and bicycle in the rest year.

To begin with, the majority of transportation mode in 2000 was higher than in 1985. Firstly, car showed the highest distance of people at 4,806, while bicycle was the least popular at 41 in 2000. After that, taxi in 1985 showed at 13, while in 2000 recorded above three times higher in 2000.

On the other hand, there were a decrease in the number of transportation mode between 1985 and 2000. First of all, local bus appeared at 429 in 1985, while it was smaller at 274 in 2000. There was a drop in the distance of bicycle by 10 at 41, while local bus had the greatest drop by 155 in 2000.



  • Question
mardian24   
Dec 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / A comparison of lakeside between 2000 and 2009 is portrayed by using two illustrations. [2]

Hi faiz, let me give you some comments.

1. ... led the place into more modern city
On the grounds that there is no 'modern' word in the picture, you have to be careful for using your opinion

2. In 2000, we can see derelictderelic warehouse
As you can see on the question, the name of the house you mention is 'derelic warehouse

3. Then, those two waswere demolished to beconstructconstructed parking area.
Those two is plural and you write in passive form about parking area

Thank you
Keep writing
mardian24   
Dec 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Modernization of public facilities in 2009 and other adjustments in the Lakeside town [2]

Hi, let me give you some comments.

1. .. while school was still in similar ...
You need a verb in that clause. On the grounds that it is happen in the past and the subject is singular, the verb that have to use is 'was'.

2. Residential area in the south westsouthwest was altered
You do need space to write 'northwest'

3. ... while north westnorth west residential area ...

4. There is unbalance paragraph which is in the second paragraph you write much more rather than in the third

Thank you
Keep writing
mardian24   
Dec 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / As the technology has evolved, everything seems to be possible to do for everyone, online dating too [2]

Hi, let me give you some suggestions.

1. There are some typos
reccomend ----> recommend
Neverhteless ----> Nevertheless
socializations ---> socialization (It is uncountable noun)

2. By accessing the internet ..
before 'internet', an article the should be put it

3. ... depending too much on the internet ...

4. Hence, I suggest (...) to do not start a date on websites.

Thank You
Keep writing
mardian24   
Dec 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / The Online Dating Perspectives; there's a risk to be the criminal victim of this virtual technology [2]

Hi linda, let me give you some suggestions.

1. ... technology in this day is able to make ...
There is no verb in the first sentence, becasue the subject is singular and it happens in present time, thereby the most suitable verb is 'is'.

2. To begin with, there are some facts that today

3. ... in one year ago regarding to the fraud
The collocation of regarding is 'to'

4. .. where the woman had been lost her two ...
You do not need to make passive

Thank you
Keep writing
mardian24   
Dec 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Making relationship with a person online is not impossible presently [2]

Hi let me give you some comments

1. ... or even a thousand of men ...

2. ... of cyber crimes are happenhappening in virtual world ...
happen ----> verb
you need to make it continuous tense

3. ... Then, when they get got meeting ...

4. I guess in-person in person dating is better ...
You do not hyphen

Thank you
Keep writing
mardian24   
Dec 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / There are numerous bad issues that may turn out when deciding to date online [2]

With the latest technological advancements, dating is now possible online. Would you recommend online dating for your single friends? What are the advantages and disadvantages of online dating? Site some examples to support your answer.

These days, by using the development of technology, people are able to date on the internet. However, it seems to me that I utterly against online dating owing to the fact that there are numerous bad strands that will turn out. This essay will first discuss the hardships to get sense of romantic and then talk about getting couple immediately, and the fact that people already have couple while they are using electronic dating.

To begin with, I immensely disappoint if one of my acquaintances do online courting due to the fact that of course it is not real and there is nothing special on it. It just continues in short time and never survives until serious relation.

First of all, there is a benefit for acquiring couple by using online procedure owing to the fact that, people are able to get lover instantly. They can do it in their home or wherever they are. For instance, findyourlove is one of hundreds dating online websites that everyone can access freely. My friend, Agus, only three days after using that site, he found new girlfriend. It is so amazing and very reachable in society.

On the other hand, the drawback from online dating should be considered. Inhabitants can lie that they do not have couple while use electronic dating, because they never know their background and it is the first time that they meet. According to the story in the reality show TV program, Jubaidah, a participant, had been caught that she already had girlfriend when she was dating with Jono. The risk is extremely dangerous because the lack of information and never see before are the main problems from this relation.

To sum up, in my view, I do not recommend my peers to try online dating, and the positive effect is that lonely inhabitants do need much time to get couple, and being tricked by someone is the consequences to use this program.
mardian24   
Dec 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / There were several improvements in industrial and facility sectors in Lakeside between 2000 and 2009 [2]

A breakdown of the changes in Lakeside between 2000 and 2009 is depicted in the two pictures. Overall, it can be seen that there were several improvements in industrial and facility sectors.

To begin with, numerous differences were occurred in the northwest side of the images. Firstly, in 2000 there was derelic warehouse, nevertheless it was changed into car park in 2009. Furthermore old town had been shifted into offices and university in 2009 which was located in the north side of school. Afterwards, in 2000 experienced an art centre, while in 2009 showed cinema, and the school still existed in both two years, while one of the residential areas is deleted. Lastly, shopping centre was built in the southwest of the school.

On the other hand, some difference happened in the southeast of the river. First of all, lake disappeared into pond in 2009. Moreover, industrial complex was larger in 2009 rather than in 2000. Last but not least, residential area which was situated behind industrial complex in 2000 was removed in 2009.



  • Question
mardian24   
Dec 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / The power plant is utilizing sea waves in the energy producing process [2]

The diagrams show a structure that is used to generate electricity from wave power.

A breakdown of the process how to make power plant from sea wave is depicted in the two diagrams. Overall, it can be seen that there are three components, and simple process to produce electricity by exploiting sea water.

To begin with, there are some steps to build power plant. First of all, it is located on the coast line, exactly in cliff or sea wall. Afterwards, column is built on the cliff and in the sea to let sea wave coming through inside. Finally, turbine is set between two columns and there is chamber to receive sea wave.

On the other hand, the process to generate electricity is divided by four procedures. Firstly, wave enters into column and goes through the chamber to go up for surpassing the turbine. Secondly, turbine is rotated by water and then water goes down by helping from air through the turbine again which results same direction of turbine. Furthermore, sea wave will go further to the sea and electricity is produced owing to the rotation of the turbine. Last but not least, electricity can be used to turn on the lamp.



  • Question
mardian24   
Dec 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Samsung is developing a completely round smartwatch of its own [2]

According to a newly discovered patent filing, it appears that Samsung is developing a completely round smartwatch of its own

Samsung as a market leader for mobile phone these days did not release smart watch at the Mobile World Congress 2015 while Samsung S6 and Samsung S6 Edge were launched. LG and Motorola are the competitor for smartwatch that had marketed to public earlier. On the other hand, Young-hee Lee, the Executive Vice President of the Samsung Mobile Marketing, stated that the reason to hold smartwatch was to break the status quo. Samsung want to use new idea for launching new products. Actually the design is ready and they still wait for the exact time, owing to the fact that Apple will introduce new product in the next month. Moreover, Samsung have a plan to launch Gear S and Orbis at the same period nevertheless, the rumour Pebble smartwatch will be released before Samsung smartwatch. Afterwards, the design of new smartwatch is not only for ordinary watch, it can be as necklace, keychain, and armband which is luxury still the main target for the customers.

technewstoday
mardian24   
Nov 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / 'Head hunting' - solitary and work in a team [5]

Hi let me give you some comments

1. .. than other type of persons ..

2. ... that it bringbrings about affirmative impact ...

3. .. to make it happenhappening ...
Because there is already verb, hence you need to change 'happen'.

4. ... that has been discussed is the important one ...

Thank You
Keep Writing
mardian24   
Nov 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / Most of adolescent decide to work than continued their study to university - Exercise Writing task 2 [2]

Hi alfin, let me give you numerous suggestions

1. These days, most of adolescent decidesdecide to work ...
'most of' should be followed by plural verb

2. when they work will get numerous benefits
It is double verb, you need to change one of those verbs

3. Then, they earns moremuch money
money is uncountable so you need to use 'much' as determiner

Thank you
Keep writing
mardian24   
Nov 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / Diverification of Monotasking and Multitasking Skill [3]

Hi, let me give you numerous comments

1. There are a number of error spellings
Monotasking ----> Mono tasking
defferent ----> different
compas ----> compass

2. Monotasking and multitasking are the two things which defferent
if you use which you need to add subject and verb

3. Monotasking is skill which focusingfocus only one things
you need e verb

4. which is able to do or control many things in one time

Thank you
Keep writing
mardian24   
Nov 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / A company should hire an employee who has a brilliant idea and is able to work individually [3]

Some people think when recruiting, companies should aim to take on people who are innovative and able to work independently while others considered they should recruit people who are able to work in a team and follow instructions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In recent years, the majority of people believe that company need an employee who has brilliant idea and able to work individually. Though, other people argue that teamwork skill and obedient people are more suitable to a company. However, I am inclined to believe that, working together and easy to be given order are more valuable to support a company rather than innovative people. This essay will first discuss about new idea able to solve problem and then talk togetherness and follow the command as the main value in company.

To start with, it is totally true that company need to hire the best worker. People who are able to fix the problem and have smart idea will be the main target for a company owing to the fact that they can provide the best solutions to the situation that appears in their job. According to Alex Baharudin, an employer who has worked in Google for seven years reveals that Google started to recruit smart and independent employee to maintain the most difficult job. So, to my way of thinking, the owner of the company can manage individual skills to make the company better.

On the other hand, working as a team will give more improvement in many sectors. The worker is able to discuss and talk about the opinion to maximize the solutions that have to be done. Besides, the boss will never get difficulty to order what the company need. For instance, Unilever needs an employee to discuss about new product and how to advertise in public by working together, and the results are extremely success. To my mind, company needs many solutions to be more successful and it can be obtained by hiring people who have more social soul.

To sum up, people who have amazing innovation and can work individually are needed in company nevertheless, the ability to work together and obedient people are the most integral requirement to recruit new worker.
mardian24   
Nov 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / A number of aspects are able to contribute in people's success. [4]

Some people think that hard work and determination are the keys to success in life. Some, on the other hand, think that there are other factors behind a successful life. Give your opinion

These days, the majority of people believe that hard-working and determination are the way to be a successful person. Meanwhile, a number of aspects are able to make people success. However, as far as I am concerned, those two things and other categories will bring people to have bright future. This essay will first discuss about spirit to have better life and making final target as the key of success and then talk about permit and support from parents to make dreams coming true.

To begin with, everyone can gain a success if they want to give all efforts that they have and have full of spirit which will push people beyond their limitation. After that, with strong determination every obstacle that comes to people's life will extremely be easier to face, and determine what our target able to boost motivation in life is. According to the story of Muhammad Ali, world boxing champions, he had tremendously power to fight their opponent even though he got various injured in his body. It is my firm belief that if there is a will, there is a way, and I am utterly sure that people able to prove it in their entire life.

On the other hand, other factors can be considered to reach the top of inhabitants' life. Firstly, without permit and support from parents everything is impossible due to the fact that they are the nearest members and know anything in people's life. Also, by having purpose to help other people after being success will make the steps simpler. For instance, when I faced final exam in my university, I asked my family to give all support to me and finally I could pass it perfectly. In my opinion, people will help us to be success if we help other people as well. So, do the best for us and for everyone.

To sum up, I believe that hard-working and great determination will bring us to get our dream and support from family gives essential power to keep going for being successful person.
mardian24   
Nov 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing task 1 ( numerous teachers who acceptance in ontario over 7-year period) [6]

Hi alvin, let me give you some comments

1. Please insert the picture to make the reader easier to understand

2. Overall, Frence-language teachers werewas more acceptance
Because 'Frence-language teachers' is a category of the tabel, so it can be concluded that it is singular

3. After that, there was aan upward trend ...
Remember how to use article 'a' and 'an'

4. After that, there was a slighty roseslight rise in 2005

Thank you
Keep Writing
mardian24   
Nov 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / The scale of teachers recruitment in Canada over the years [4]

Hi dioba, let me give you some comments

1. ... in Ontario since 20112007 to 20072011 ...
You can make a sequence from smaller to higher

2. ... educator percentage hashad bigger than ...
Owing to the fact that the data tell in the past, you must use past tense form

3. There was a slightlyslightdecreaseddecrease French-language ...
There is a verb 'was' in the sentence, so you can change slightly into slight and decreased to decrease

Thank You
Keep writing
mardian24   
Nov 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Scientists take the view that primary school is the best moment for studying another language [2]

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

In recent years, scientist takes the view that primary school is the best moment for studying another language instead of in secondary school. However, as far as I'm concerned, there are more benefits outweigh the negative sides for children to understand new language. This essay will first discuss about that it is already late to learn the other language in secondary school and then talk about primary school as the best time for studying a foreign country.

To begin with, youngsters who want to comprehend new language in secondary school will face harder problem. This because they have to study other subjects that can make them confuse. In this case children should focus on one major to get new knowledge faster. According to the research by University of Columbia stated that studying language had the exact time to make it easier for understanding, and it happens in primary school. So, children still can learn new language in secondary school, while primary school is more appropriate. Up to a point, this is true but pupils can study whenever they want without the limitation of time.

On the other hand, various advantages appear while teenagers are learning new language in secondary school. Firstly, it is an ideal time because their brain can process faster for new world. Also children do not have many problems at this age. Secondly, they can practice it while they are playing which make it simpler. For instance, a child who always move from one country to another while they are in primary school get better language school score than others because it is the exact time to learn new language.

To sum up, the advantages for learning language outweigh the drawbacks while children study in primary school because it is the best time for children to learn new language where their brain can accept clearly a foreign language that have been taught.
mardian24   
Nov 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / The point of view that children who study at home have best opportunity for developing themselves [2]

Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child's development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, the majority of people take the view that children who study at home have the best way for developing themselves, while the other people declare that children need to go to school for studying. However, as far as I am concerned, both of those methods have benefit to be implemented in children these days. This essay will first discuss about that children will get full attention due to studying at home and then talk about that socialize is very essential to be learnt which only exists at school.

To begin with, there is a positive side for teenagers to study in their home. Youngsters will acquire full attention from their family owing to the fact that they can watch the process for studying directly. So, if there is something wrong with the activity, parents or other members in family can give advice and tell what children supposed to do. For instance, home schooling has been applied as the methods for studying, and still exists until now. It means that it is a better choice for learning. It is my firm belief that, it is good for family to give more effort an extra care for their lovely children in the nearest place (home).

On the other hand, youngsters need to go to school to get better education. They can learn how to interact with other people and it is the most significant aspect for them to enter the real world in their life. According to a publication from UNICEF in 2007 said that eight from ten successful persons in London finished their education at school. It means that well educated can be achieved from school due to the fact that children will understand much knowledge rather than at home. Therefore, I think that school is the greatest place for studying because they can learn about how to solve social problems with other people.

To sum up, family will give more attention while children are studying at home, but school give more advantages for children due to the experience by interacting with their friends, teachers, or officers.
mardian24   
Nov 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce them? [3]

Hi I want to give some comments

1. ... all nations in the worldwide prepare their selfthemselves for their idea ...

2. But sometimes, big pressure has to be dealdealt by children for making ...
You can use passive by using V3

3. how changing of curriculum can be the best solution.
You need to add verb, because there is no verb

Thank you
Keep writing
mardian24   
Nov 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / The volume of senior high school students who passed their exams, based on major and gender [4]

Hi I want to give some comments

1. A comparison of (...) students .... measured by percentage is revealed in the bar chart
You have already mentioned about the measurement, 'proportion' is same as 'percentage'. It is extravagant measurement indicator

2. ... did not show a lot of differencedifferences between girls and boys
'A lot of' should be followed by plural noun

3. The largest gap was showedshown by chemistry, ...
If you want use passive, you can use be + v3.

Thank you
Keep Writing
mardian24   
Nov 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Nowadays, youngsters sometimes are needed for helping to improve communities. [2]

Adult youths are often called up for working for the development of communities. Do you think they should work voluntarily or should they get paid? Give your opinion

Nowadays, youngsters sometimes are needed for helping to improve the communities. However, as far as I am concerned, teenagers have to be paid for their contribution instead of do not get salary. This essay will first discuss teenagers which need money to survive and then talk about getting perfect results which need professional way for hiring people, especially accepting salary.

To begin with, adult youths have to get income if they are working in a community owing to the fact that they already have spent their time. If they do not get money, they should move to another activity that can give more benefits to them. It is happen because young people need money to buy food, clothes, etc. For instance, an organisation in Indonesia called Pemuda Pemudi is not existed yet today due to the fact that it doesn't give salary for the team to support the program in that organisation. So, it is very significant to make a community or organisation can exist for a long time. Up to a point, it is true but actually the community does not have source of money, so it is normal for the crew that never get income.

On the other hand, to make a community as professional, it is needed to pay young adults who have joined to the community. They will work with all of their efforts and obviously better result will be achieved to support the development of a community. Besides, they will feel happy and full of spirit to contribute because they get money for doing this. In Denmark, a social community change into big company because the workers was paid as a professional employer. The consequences is that the community will get more benefits rather than just a little outcome to pay the workers. The contrary, it is an obligation to pay a worker but worker (young adult) should think that they can give their kindness for helping community without salary.

To sum up, teenagers can contribute for helping community for free, but to achieve better results, the community have to pay to show the seriousness for getting glory results because the workers need money to fulfill their necessity and to give maximum efforts that they can give.
mardian24   
Nov 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / The total demand on hybrid vehicles in 2009 was twice as much as three years earlier [7]

Hi let me give some comments

1. Firstly, Japan always increasesincreased the sale of hybrid ...
The time is between 2006 and 2009 which is already happening, so you have to use past tense.

2. which it hashad the highest number ...
Same as for number 1, you have to use past tense

3. ... countries have thea gradual increase ...
Increase is verb, because there is a verb 'have' you need to change increase by adding article 'a'

Thank You
Keep writing
mardian24   
Nov 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Exercise in ES; the number of hybrid vehicles sold over the 4-year timeframe from 2006 to 2009 [5]

Hi alfin, let me give some comments.

1. There are several errors in spelling
ilustrates ----> illustrates
aproximately ----> approximately
whisch ----> which
Eventough ----> Even tough

2. ... from Japan and other showshowed upward trend ...
The timeline is happen in the past, so you might use past tense.

3. ..., the highest sales of cars iswas 740.000 in 2009 ...
You tell about something happen in 2009, so you need to use 'was'

Thank you
Keep Writing
mardian24   
Nov 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Different priority of expenditures in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan [2]

The bar chart below shows shares of expenditures for five major categories in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan in the year 2009.

A breakdown of the proportion of money spent by five different categories in United States, Canada, United Kingdom, and Japan in 2009 is depicted in the bar chart. Overall, it can be seen that housing was the highest percentage for all countries, while in health care recorded less priority.

To begin with, the percentage of expenditures had different values. In housing, United States experienced the most favourite expenditures at more than quarter, while in Canada gained lower percentage by about 5%. Furthermore, in food had big gap in the percentage of money spent. Japan witnessed a peak point at just under 25%, while in United States recorded by approximately 8%.

On the other hand, the greatest gap appeared in the proportion of money spent in transportation. Canada existed at one in fifth, while Japan revealed twofold lower than in Canada. Moreover, in health care saw the smallest percentage at just above 0% in United Kingdom, while in United States showed at just over one in twentith. After that Canada and Japan resulted the same percentage at just under 5%.



  • Question
mardian24   
Nov 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Integration Problems for People Living Aboard [5]

Hi, let me give some comments

1. Make sure that you have successfully uploaded the picture in this thread, so the reader can understand about your writing.

2. ... consist of three factors which isare sorting out ...
You mentioned about three problems, so you have to use plural verb.

3. ... which the highest percentage is about 35 percent ...
You need verb in that sentence, so I give 'is' for simple present form

Thank You
Keep Writing
mardian24   
Nov 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Children pressures related to getting a high score in school, bullying, and expensive gadgets [3]

Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

In recent years, there are several pressures which come to children's life that contains from academic, social, and commercial sides. However, various causes which make those things happen and many solutions can decrease these problems. This essay will first discuss about getting high score, bullying, and buying new expensive gadget and then talk about changing point of view, choosing good friends, and focusing on studying which is the steps that children must do.

To begin with, children's problem appear owing to many reasons. First of all, teens have to get high score in school which make them stress for being the best at all. This is a general problem in academic which the worst thing can make children get bad score while they cannot survive to fight the problem. Furthermore for special aspects, bullying will give bad impact and it can disturb children's future life. It is totally dangerous and needs to fix as soon as possible. Lastly, having expensive phone is a dream for children. They want to follow the era and always keep updating with gadget. According to the research which was done by UNICEF in 2012, children are the most significant condition in life, so whatever the problems need to anticipate immediately.

On the other hand, there are many actions while can help children from this problem. Firstly, children have to change their purpose for studying. It is not about getting high score, but to acquire deep understanding. It is work if they do it seriously. Secondly, selecting good friends will avoid children from bad effect which can appear from their friends in school. Last but not least, children should focus on their main purpose. It is about studying and they do not need to get all new gadget. Refference to books by Andrew Smith, he said that every problem have their solutions and it is depend on how we act to solve the problem. It is true that reducing problem can be done if there is a will.

To sum up, the causes of problems in children's life have the solutions as well. At least, if the problems cannot be solved, it can be reduced to minimize the negative effects which can grow bigger and hard to fix again.
mardian24   
Nov 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / The outcome in five countries including UK, USA, Canada, and Japan based on five categories in 2009 [3]

Hi Pram, let me give some comments on your essay

1. .. the figure for both health care and clothing demonstrated both of lower proportion than others.
Both should be followed by and, so you need move the position of 'both'

2. First of all, expenditure of food showed that the United ...
It is better for you to mention the percentage of each category.

3. Meanwhile, out coming for housing in US ...
You can use 'money spent' to paraphrase 'expenditures'

Thank you
Keep writing
mardian24   
Nov 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / The proportion of students, both males and females, who passed their skill exams in high school [3]

The bar chart below shows the percentage of students who passed their high school competency exams, by subject and gender, during the period 2010-2011.

A breakdown of the proportion of students both males and females who passed their skill exams in high school, by seven different subjects, over a 2-year period is depicted in the bar chart. Overall, it can be seen that the percentage of girls students who passed computer science exam was the highest, while in geography recorded the smallest, and no one got percentage over sixty percent for all subjects.

To begin with, six of seven subjects is dominated by girls students. Foreign language experienced a close behind by both genders, females gained at 47.7%, while males appeared by 0.6% lower than females. Furthermore, computer science as the greatest showed at 56.3% for girls, while in geography witnessed the smallest by around two times lower.

On the other hand, chemistry had the biggest gap between females and males by 16.6% , while foreign language showed the smallest gap. Geography was the only one which boys had the biggest percentage than girls at 30.4% and 20.1% respectively. Moreover, mathematics existed at 49.2% for females, while for males recorded by fewer than one percent.



  • Question
mardian24   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / The majority of people take the view that building libraries are not useful, while Internet exist [2]

Some people think it is a waste of money to establish libraries since the public can use the Internet at home to obtain information, do you agree or disagree?

The majority of people take the view that building libraries are not useful owing to the fact that, internet can handle people for getting information. However, I personally would believe that I totally agree with this statement since internet has covered much significant news. This essay will first discuss about people are seldom to visit the library due to internet and library is ancient way for people to acquire new information and money can be used to build another facility.

To begin with, money can be used for other interests due to the fact that, internet can make everything simpler and I am sure that people tend to choose internet than library to discover new information. Based on the research by University of Southampton is stated that the number of visitors in Bristol library fell extremely while internet could cover many places in the world in 2007. Fast and simple by using internet make people tend to seldom go to the library. Up to a point, this is true but there is a limitation at the same information which only can find in library.

A further reason is that library is an old way for people to explore new information, while internet have changed people' habit to come to library. It is better to use money to build new internet sport or do a research about internet which can be used whenever we are. For instance, in Indonesia these days government prefer to use money to make internet car while can be reached in rural area. This authority is true because the money will be more effective and straight to the point than e-book.

All in all, I totally agree that it is not significant to build many libraries because in recent day's people seldom visit library and it is old way that people have left to come to library in new modern era.
mardian24   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Every daily activity needs water, but some countries experience shortage of it [2]

What are the causes of water scarcity? What are your solutions?

Nowadays, water is the most essential part in the world on the grounds that, every daily activity needs water. But, these days the amount of water is utterly decreasing, and several causes are the key of this problems. Personally, I would believe that there are several solutions to handle this problem. This essay will first explain about people's habit which have used water wastefully and dry season as the main problems and then talk about that inhabitants should change their bad habits by understanding the consequences that will happen and people need to make backup water while dry season happens.

Using water in appropriate way has cause a lack of water in many places because the amount of water is limited. Sometimes people just let water flow from faucet with no attention, and they do not realize that water needs long process to be ready to reuse by people in the next day. With reference to the latest scientific research, one litter of water that we depleted took two a half month by natural processing which could be used by people again. A further reason is a dry season that will give a huge impact to the availability of water in several countries. When the intensity of rain is below standard, it absolutely makes a drought season. For instance, Africa experienced a long drought while there was no rain in three months. The consequences was land being dry and there was no water in well.

On the other hand, using water efficiently is a simple idea which can hugely save the existence of water. To make this change is enough difficult and need deeply understanding about the risk that will exist in the future. After that, people will automatically do without any order. In September, BBC news announced that family was the first place for people to know the function for saving water to the next generation. What is more, it is better for people to keep water in a large storage that will be used in dry season. It is a brilliant idea to fill the necessary in the future.

To sum up, wasting of water is the majority problem and dry season is a problem that needs to handle while the amount of water is limited. Besides, understanding from the function of water in the future and collecting every water drop from the sky are the solutions of this problem.
mardian24   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / A breakdown of figure for watching Channel One News in three different hour categories during a year [2]

The graph below shows the average daily figures for Channel One News over a 12-month period

A breakdown of figure for watching Channel One News in three different hour categories during a year is revealed in the line graph. Overall, it can be seen that at 6 pm recorded the most favorite time, while at 1 pm dominated the lowest viewers.

There was a contrary in the number of watchers TV. In May, people watched news far below one millions at 11 pm, while at 9:30 pm recorded just fewer than four millions. However, at 9.30 pm experienced an utterly go down and bottomed by about three millions at just above one millions , while at 11 pm rocketed almost fourfold higher than before and sharply fell to below one millions.

The figure for viewers witnessed the greatest point, it solely stood out at just under five millions at 6 pm, while at 1 pm showed approximately four times slower than of this in January. Furthermore, between February and December experienced a fluctuate for viewers watching Channel One News from just under four millions by about 0.7 million to just above three millions, while at 1 pm gained remain steady.



  • Question
mardian24   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / A breakdown of figure for holidaymakers visited five different countries - in millions [2]

The graph below gives information about international tourist arrivals in five countries.

A breakdown of figure for holidaymakers visited five different countries in millions is revealed in the line graph. Overall, it can be seen that there was an upward trend for all countries, and France had a utterly increase in 2010 over a fifteen-year period.

To begin with, there was a similar trend in some countries. Egypt and Brazil stood the same point at about ten in 1995, while Egypt existed higher number than Brazil in 2010 at about 20 and 15 respectively.

After that, the number of sightseers in Malaysia recorded at just above 20, while in USA appeared more than threefold bigger than of this in 1995. USA and Malaysia a slight went up between 1995 and 2000, while France extremely inclined from just above 30 to twice times greater than before. Furthermore, from 2005 to 2010 France significantly rose to ninety, while Malaysia gained a gradual decrease and met the same point with France by about 15 to just under 90 and the highest point happened in USA at just above 90, while Brazil illustrated the least popular destination at lower than 10 million.



  • Question
mardian24   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / A breakdown of the figure for several sources for power plant in New Zealand and Germany; 1980, 2010 [2]

The pie charts below show electricity generation by source in New Zealand and Germany in 1980 and 2010.

A breakdown of the figure for several sources for power plant in New Zealand and Germany in 1980 and 2010 is revealed in the pie charts. Overall, it can be seen that in 1980 both in New Zealand and Germany experienced the highest number of coal, while hydro exposed the lowest total in Germany and petroleum was less favorite in New Zealand, and in 2010 coal witnessed the most priority in New Zealand, while nuclear dominated in Germany.

Coal experienced the most preferred sources in 1980 at 56 units in New Zealand, while hydro gained the smallest unit in Germany at seven units. Petroleum stood at 11 units in New Zealand and Germany showed at twofold higher than in New Zealand, while in Germany showed at twofold higher than in New Zealand. Furthermore, in 1980 natural gas was close behind both in New Zealand and Germany at 30% and 28% respectively.

On the other hand, the quantity of coal was far dominated at 150 units in New Zealand, while the other sources were less than 47 points. Even though, nuclear recorded the most popular in Germany at 155 units, there was no nuclear power plant in New Zealand in 2010.



  • pie_chart1.png
mardian24   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / (Summary article) A new weapon in the fight against malaria [3]

Hi alfinkurnia, let me say some words

1. ... to exterminate or eradicatederadicate it

2. ... it can killingkill easily after that ...
After modal is infinitive, killing is noun and you need to replace to kill

3. ... to anopheles and makingmakeinhibitansinhabitants safe from malaria
You need a verb, so change making to make

Thank you
Keep writing
mardian24   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / (Summary TED) How America public schools keep kids in poverty [3]

Hi, Iet me give comments

1. ... can get good education in school,andregisteredregister to excelent school ...
Seeing that there are only 2 instances, you should use 'and' between those ideas.

2. the poverty people decided to drop out from school, and more choose forto work because ...

3. Some spelling errors
excelent ----> excellent
facilty ----> facility

Good luck,
Keep writing
mardian24   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / The graphs present information about the number of two kind of fish [4]

Hi, here are my suggestions to you

1. Overall, the number of two kind fish, tuna and ...
You need to explain more what's going on the number of two kind of fish

2. It was a slight increased increase

3. swordfish was fell in 2010 ...
You can say 'swordfish fell in 2010

thank you
Keep writing

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