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Posts by nda18
Name: ndanggraeni
Joined: Oct 27, 2016
Last Post: Dec 9, 2016
Threads: 46
Posts: 81  
Likes: 9
From: Indonesia
School: Padjadjaran University

Displayed posts: 127 / page 1 of 4
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nda18   
Dec 9, 2016
Writing Feedback / Listening Summary : Chaos Theory - the alteration of dynamic variables [2]

Chaos theory is a branch of physics and mathematics that focus on the alteration of dynamic variables. Initially, chaos theory was evolved when the scientist observed the movement of the planet and changes in environment. However, this theory can also be applied in economy field. For some economist, this theory can be used to forecasting and making a prediction of financial evidence. In 1990, the number of economist increased in the research involving chaos theory to seek out the model of forecasting. The basic ideas in making the model was by involving the pattern of change and development, and taking into account all viable variables. These notions made forecasting become over-challenging. The chaos theory, actually, change the linear system which is believed in the past, become non-linear system with involving the variables alterations. All we can learn from chaos theory is that it simply teaches about accepting uncertainty.

source : IELTS Cambridge
nda18   
Dec 9, 2016
Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 2 - Safety standards are important when building people's homes. [3]

Hi @krempetkov

> i found that your essay lack of example, i think you should give several example in order to emphasize your statement.
> there are many collocations which seem not right in several sentences.
> i also found that your introduction is a little bit confusing because you mention the notion that is not mentioned from the question. you should mentioned your notion for your body.

> i think your notion in your introduction and your body paragraph is not coherence.
> the predominant issue are you have many mistakes regarding to grammar and spelling

so here are my sample correction for your essay

...wepeoplehaevhave experienced several devastating tradegiestragedies involving building, which did not corresponded to the safety standards.

...The question,This brings up a question regarding who should take the responsibility for creatingdesigning strict and reasonable build codes,
however IT is causing some tension in the society. In my opinion, the building companies (...) since they have the full a control of the building process, while the government needs to set strict building ...

i hope you can fix the rest of your essay,
keep writing and break a leg
nda18   
Dec 9, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Summary : Longer 'Penis' drives evolution of bigger brains in female fish [2]

For male mosquitofish, bigger genitals mean more mating success, and surprisingly the development of male organs lead females to evolve their brain size, become larger, to escape from overeager mates. The mating system between males and females mosquitofish started when the males sneak up and attempt to copulate by force using a modified anal fin, called the gonopodium, in order to send sperm into females. Severine Buechel and colleagues conducted a research to test the notion that females develop bigger brains to defend against males, and males response it by evolve their brains too. The study found that there was no evidence that male brains got bigger at the same time as females. The mating system which is far from romantic among mosquitofish triggers many risks for females, and having a lager brain might help them to spot and get away from males. According to Buechel, brain development might be gone in different way, and it depends on adopted mating strategy.

newscientist
nda18   
Dec 9, 2016
Writing Feedback / The appearance of people as one of the essential indications of what characteristics they possess [3]

hi dioba,

> i found that your essay is not answer the task, because i think your idea it nor really clear.

> For 'both views' task, you should mention the given notion and discuss it, well, i would say that your first body should discuss about CLOTHES ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT INDICATION and your second body should discuss about the counter-argument : DO NOT JUDGE PEOPLE BY THEIR CLOTHES.

> i also found that YOUR ESSAY IS LESS COHERENCE because you mention several factor that affect people, and i think you do not need them, just focus on both views albeit perhaps it would be needed for explanation.

> the predominant issues for your essay are your grammar (it not quite good, there are many mistakes and leading to vague and confusing sentence ) and your complex sentence which are less accurate.

> it would be better if you learn about linking verb.


so these are my correction for your essay

...certain people say that appearance of peoplepeople appearanceisbecomes one of the essential indication....

...of what severe characteristics they arelook like...

while the others argue THAT people have not to judgeSHOULD NOT BE JUDGED by their appearance....

...people should be obeySHOULD OBEYof their company...

... because they are work in different work environment, and they should adapt to their new work atmosphere.... (REPETITION : WORK)..

so dioba, that is my sample correction, i hope you can fix the rest of your essay..
i hope it will help, keep writing and break a leg.

regards.
nda18   
Dec 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / People tend to enjoy interaction with their friends in social networking more than in the real life [4]

hi yika,

> the first think that i realize from your essay is your essay does not well structured. it would be better if you put or mention your idea in your introduction paragraph.

> secondly, your body paragraph is not well structured also. it should contain several aspect :
1. Your MAIN IDEA
2. EXPLANATION
3. EXAMPLE
4. RESULT
5. CONCLUSION
> when it come to CC (coherence and cohesion), i think your ideas were great, but it lack of coherence, example does not match with main idea.

> another main issue is grammar and lexical resource, sometimes you use disorganize structure, leading to some vague sentences, so here are my correction for you

...although I do also deliver positive effect of...
( .. although i do also believe that there are positive effect of ...)

> your first body has very long sentence, it would be better if you cut it. here my correction for you
First of all, the electronic medias have advantage in the communication. It is because we can use interesting features like facebook, twitter, and whatsapp application which available in information devices. It also easy to use because we just only touch the screen and we can keep in touch with our friends in social networking without the limitation of distance and times. NEED EXAMPLE HERE However, this positive impact can become negative impact to our direct communication in real life.

you can continue to fix your essay, i hope my suggestion will help.
thank you, keep writing and break a leg.
nda18   
Dec 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Summary : Bees of the sea : Tiny crustaceans pollinate underwater plants [2]

Seagrass swirling around the current and flow can be a ride for tiny species on the sea, provide food and habitat for microscopic species such as crustaceans to manatees, and contribute in stabilising the coast through it roots. According to scientist from National Autonomous University of Mexico, Brigitta van Tussenbroek, she and her colleagues were surprised when they found hundreds of invertebrates, chiefly small crustaceans, act like pollinators visiting flowers of a turtle-grass bed and carrying pollen. To explore this further, the researchers create an aquarium including crustacean, male and female turtle-grass flowers, and seawater. After several minutes, they found that extra grains appeared on female blooms on aquarium with invertebrates. This pollinators has a gooey and tasty body, and scientist believed that some pollen sticks to their bodies while they eat. So far, the discovery of sea bees which have only been seen visiting turtle grass can describe interesting plant-animal interaction that has not completely described, said researcher from Louisiana, Kelly Darnell.

newscientist
nda18   
Dec 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / The importance of communication skills in job relation [4]

Hi yika,

when i read your writing, i do not know what kind of writing it is, is it essay? or summary?
however, you bring the word 'table' that means that this is writing task 1 for IELTS.

> Firstly, please attach the image of the table, so we can check the information in your essay.
> Regardless YOUR GRAMMATICAL ERROR, i think your essay is not provide information well.it is because i cannot imagine the table just by reading your essay. you also not mention several information, but explain the increment, making the reader confused.

> it would be better if you arrange your information again.
> here are my suggestion for you

... who are asked in the survey tendTENDED to increase from 1997 to 2006....
...in 1997 isWAS dealing with...
...which it isWAS mean that this isWAS almost twice...
... communication haveHAD the same trend...
...of skills tendTENDED to increase...
...service decreaseDECREASED at 21...
...also haveHAD many kinds...
...types tendTENDED to increase...
...to colleges hasHAD ...

(always WATCH YOUR TENSES)

... of external communication which is needed by someone ...
( you do not have MAIN VERB here)

thank you, i hope it will help you
keep writing and break a leg
nda18   
Dec 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / Scientists effort to invent a device which enable human to breathe under the water for a long time [6]

Listening Summary : Artificial Gills - enabling human to breathe in the water

We all know that all living creature needs oxygen. When it comes to human, they could not breathe under the water, and sometimes drown in the water. For that reason, several scientists is in an effort to invent a device which enable human to breathe under the water for a long time. The former breathing apparatus, called scuba, is painful and heavy. So that, they need a device that can extract oxygen directly from water while swimming, and comfortable to use. The artificial gills, is the solution for this problem. To create an artificial gill, we need to find fragile material with big surface area, and we also need tiny tubes and valves to enabling divers to breathe. The imperative step is that we should keep the water move. The speaker, had created her own artificial gills and tried it in the swimming pool, and she can breathe for 45 minutes. In the future, the speaker believe that the device has a great potential in marine area.

source : Cambridge
nda18   
Dec 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / (summary)Strong Personalities Skew Study Samples [5]

Hi Vicky,

> it would be better if you put the article source, so that we can compare your summary. if you not put the source, it is hard for us to examine your essay.

> i think your summary is not rephrase the sentence well, you do rephrase it, but the meaning of the sentence is becoming wrong. So, regardless the grammatical error, i will focus on fixing your sentence, so, here my correction for you

1st sentence :
In fact, the pets owners have a tendency to introduce their own dogs or cats' personalities. However, the study is not only about their personality, but also more than that. based on research (i don't whose research it is), the male birds had been grouped by their strong personality - aggressive and not aggressive.

so, that is my correction for small part of your summary. I hope you can fix it again.
you have a great effort, yet it would be better if you write it more carefully. the grammatical error is your predominant issue.
Hope it will help. keep writing and Break a leg
nda18   
Dec 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / Busloads of people depart for Monas from FPI headquarters [2]

hi, these are my correction for your summary

Several buses which carriedcarry demonstrators from FPI(what is FPI ?) headquarters arrived in the Central Jakarta toand assemble in downtown of Jakarta.
[ if you want to use past, please mention the time ]
nda18   
Dec 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1: The diagrams show a structure that is used to generate electricity from wave power [2]

Hi nuraini, these are my thought towards your essay

A comparison of how different directions ...

i think it is not a comparison, but the two process of generating electricity by the air

It can be seen that, either wave direction away from or close to sea wall, both of them release same amount of energy by using same systems and tools, such as turbine, column, and chamber.

i think the graphs not mention the amount of energy
[ it can be seen that, either wave direction away from or close to sea wall, the air will generate electricity through the machine which consists of column, turbine, and chamber ]

Look at the detail, for generating electricity from wave power, it only need three main equipments , there are turbine,...

- TO GENERATE

- equipment is UNCOUNTABLE NOUN


thank you
nda18   
Dec 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / The process of electricity generation from the sea wave [2]

Hi ivan, these are my thought towards your essay

... generation from the sea wave is shown in the graphs (...) waves come to thea chamber and "B" ...
[ firstly, i think it is not 'the process of electric generation from the sea wave' , but 'the process of electric generation from the air forced by sea-wave' . ][ the process of electric generation from the air forced by sea-wave is show in the graphs which inform the process when the waves come in and out the chamber for A and B graph respectively. overall, it can be seen that the air is forced by the direction of wave, rotating the turbine to generate electricity]

... machine is placed besideat the edge of the cliff or sea wall,...

(i think you need linking word here) The process is started when the wave goesroll in to the chamber.
[ i think 'go' is not the right collocation for 'wave' ]

... in the clockwise direction. [ as the wave come to the chamber, it moves the air which fill the chamber to the top of the column, rotating the turbine in the clockwise direction]

The power is then produced as the result of ...
... by the air coming from the upper column to the chamber,...

Thank you
nda18   
Dec 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Nanotechnology - a breakthrough technology has been introduced by scientist [4]

Listening Summary : Nanotechnology

a breakthrough technology has been introduce by scientist. This technology is namely Nanotechnology. Nano means tiny, the material is produced by controlling and arranging atoms, forming a nanoparticle. This is impacting civilization in many ways. However, there are a lot of problem faced by scientist regarding nanotechnology such as people has a wrong idea about its capability and it has a contribution in global warming. Regardless the nanotechnology problems, this powerful technology can be used in numerous way. In transportation, nanotechnology can produce metal which is lighter than common metal. It also impact computer area where sugar-cube size supercomputer is produced with nanotechnology. For local scale, it can help to clean up the environment by removing oil and other contaminants from water, making cost energy more economical.
nda18   
Dec 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / McDonalds takes part in novel technology. [3]

hi, these are my thought towards your summary

the most modern breakthrough tend to be a simple technology, Astonishingly, McDonalds, as the one of famous fast food company, will DEPLOY more advanced technology in order to improve McD's system. This kind of business compete for drawing customer into purchasing their products instead of taking other items into consideration. As a result, around 500 companies in US also involve advanced innovation to garner ( AmE ) more prospective-buyers attention so as to generate revenue for them.

Thank you
nda18   
Dec 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / (TED Summary) Robot that "show emotion" [6]

hi alfin, these are my thought towards your summary

David Hanson, as a (...) show his invention, presented a video to introduced a robot having true emotion like humans . The robot can give various facial expressions such as smile (happiness) , anger and sadness . It also can response and recognized people surrounding it . Although there are many development in order to make the robot like that . David believe that in the future, this robot will has an ability to understand human speech and (...) can make a relationship with human.

Thank you
nda18   
Dec 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article summary : National scene: Vocational students to get skill certificates [2]

The Indonesia government is designing an initiative to certify vocational school students with multiple skill certificates after finishing several specific syllabuses. This plan is developed to improve vocational school system in order to accelerate the personnel recruitment process after receiving diplomas. According to Manpower Ministry, Hanif Dhakiri, SMK programmes would be divided into several levels, each of which involves a specific courses. To bring this plan into reality, the memorandum of understanding (MoU) has been signed by five ministries.

source :
thejakartapost
nda18   
Nov 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / These days, most of countries have faced intensity of teenagers crime. [3]

Hi, these are my thought towards your essay

First paragraph :

These days, most of countries have faced the increment intensity ...
... escalating in society, adult people , specially parents, (...) should be assesedassessed

... possibilities of the crime improvement among tenagers.
(improvement is not the right collocation for the crime)

Thank you
nda18   
Nov 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / Benjamin Todd advises to do valuable things in our life. [2]

Hi, these are my thought towards your summary

... that when he was graduated, he had ...
... a philosopher, and investing his money. It confused him when choosingto choose his career. He arguesargued that choosing a ...
(the result of the research revealed that common career advisers in this era are wrong)

Firstly , he suggests us to identify our greatest interest.

... should be noticed is that when we follow our passion, surprisingly , it will lead us ...
He advises to do valuable things(try to avoid the used of 'thing') in our life.

Thank you
nda18   
Nov 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / Listening Summary : Succeeding Business System but also workers skills. [2]

In business area, it is pivotal to design a system that can lead their companies to become successful. This system includes managing and selling new product to catch big profit, but this system not generate new knowledge. They only repeat the step without manage their enlightenment. According to the speakers, as a consequence of wanting to become success, the company manager placing too much trust to expert, usually consults to the specialist to gain an understanding of particular system. However, the expert is not always true, if the system is more complex, pundits cannot ensure a fully information. In order to solve these problems, company have to adjust their attitude and become more realistic. They also have to strict the control on organization systems and the firm should duplicate not only succeeding system but also workers skills.

Source : IELTS Cambridge
nda18   
Nov 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / (Summary Article) Being popular is good for health - in monkeys, at least [3]

hi, these are my thought towards your summary

Nowadays, we cannotbe deny that in our life, there is a separation by ourof power or capability that is called social status.
A studyingstudy in America has already (...) wealthy and poor it influence to health ...

Furthermore, a research atfrom the Yerkes National Primate (...) rhesus monkeys, has found that ...
In the other words, it is means that monkeys (...) have more better resistance against viruses than low rank monkeys which have lower rank .

... into the high-rank group, and the research found that it very affected to their immune bodies.

Thank you
nda18   
Nov 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / INDONESIA COLLABORATED WITH OTHER COUNTRIES IN TERMS OF MARITIME SECTOR [2]

Hi, these are my thought towards your summary

The government of Indonesia[The Indonesia government ], which is in collaborate with (...) and Denmark, started to discuss ...
... with several companies inwith the other nations ...
... and Fisheries Minister, said that these countries wereare perfect to (...) they also taoktook maritime traditions ...

thank you
nda18   
Nov 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Summary : Jayapura Residents struggle with recurrent blackouts [3]

Since November 2016, the capital city of Papua, Jayapura, has experienced day-to-day of 4 to 6 hours blackouts because they only had electricity storage gap up to 15 megawatts per day. This routine blackouts were prompted by several technical problems, affecting 110,000 households in Jayapura. Even though Papua have a hydro power turbine which has an electricity capacity of 2 x 10 MW in Orya Genyem, it cannot solve the routine blackouts problem due to issues with a numerous components.

thejakartapost
nda18   
Nov 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / A big Radar created by China called FAST which can detect alien behaviour [4]

Hi, these are my thought towards your summary

Recently, Science has developed rapidly.
... a big Radar , created by China, called FAST (...), and the radar located in the remote area ...

... by technology which was can block cell- phone signal or wifi signal , because these signals can ...
The radar buildwas built in early 1960Ss with size of dish(plate) 500 metres,...
... by dish and telescope which can focuses in other object, ...
They have movingmovedflexibleflexibly to find out ...

Thank You
nda18   
Nov 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Environmental friendly building. Listening Summary: Contemporary experimental design for housing [2]

There are numerous way to create a building that environmental friendly, one of them is to create underground house. In order to build an underground house, the professional should look a side of land that away from the crowd, so that they can construct a peaceful house. They then found a land with stone layer with a lot of recyclable material. Before construct the house, they firstly choose one architect's design then decide to build an underground house which has 2 storey. The house exposes to the light and has a lot of window and mirror from double layer strong glass which can spread the light. This house can also store energy from the sun and convert it into electricity. Its wall has a layer that can increase insulation. All of the house furniture is made from recyclable material. However, there is also a drawback building the underground house. They consume many concrete which release seven times CO2 that can damage the environment.
nda18   
Nov 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Summary : Vitamin D deficiency is widely overestimated, doctors warn [2]

Vitamin D is believed as a crucial nutrient for strong bones is warned by doctors since many people consume too many vitamin D's tablet than it is required. The wrong idea in using vitamin D have led to some misinterpretation tests, making people thinking they need to consume more. However, too much 'the sunshine vitamin' can increase calcium level in our blood, which can lead to some diseases such as nausea, constipation, kidney stones, and abnormal heart rhythm. Some studies reveal that vitamin that is needed by people are vary. Dr. JoAnn Manson of Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston and several other advisers set the recommended dietary allowance (RDA) for consuming vitamin D. Depending on age, the estimated that people need approximately 600 to 800 units of vitamin D.
nda18   
Nov 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / The graph illustrates some life's trouble after people decision to move abroad. English studio task [7]

Hi alfin, these are my thought towards your essay (partly)

firstly, you should have to include your image regarding to the topic, it will help us to examine your essay.
secondly, you have to make sure your total words are at least 150.

From that graph, as we know all people have equal troubles , consist ofsuch as education, healthcare, and economy.

As can be clearly seen, people who sorting out finance when ...
[ i have an alternative sentence : to begin with, people who are sorting finance when they 18 to 34 years old had the highest level at approximately 33 percent]

thank you
nda18   
Nov 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Franchise plays an enormous role in Indonesia [5]

Hi ninajoesuf these are my thought towards your summary

This is because this activity can ...
[ i have an alternative sentence : Nowadays, franchise plays an enormous role in Indonesia because this activity can offer .... ]

Subsequently, this results inis strengthening economy ...
... that Indonesia has ana considerably potential to evolve...

thank you :)
nda18   
Nov 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / In the present time, big towns become the predominant living places chosen by many ambitious people [2]

Some people believe that living in big cities is becoming more difficult. Others believe that it is getting easier. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In the present time, large towns become the predominant living places chosen by many people who chase their ambitions. While some people believe that being urban immigrant is becoming more challenging, others think the converse opinion. In my point of view, regardless living cost, dwelling in major city makes people get a better education easily.

Living expenses is believed as worrying issue by some metropolitan people. Some people think that living cost is difficult to fulfil. Taking an article from times magazine for an example, living cost in some large cities such as London, Hamburg and California is skyrocketing in recent years, making people hard to afford their daily needs. This also leads to the increasing numbers of the homeless. As consequence, many people think that dwelling in big cities is hard.

Although people have to spend much money dwelling in large town, I believe that the difficulties of living in urban area are encountered by some counter-arguments. There are plenty of education opportunities in major cities. Several prestigious tertiary educational institutions are centred in these urban area. Students will get their better education experiences in major cities. According to Professor Ivan, head of MIT department of urban studies and Planning, several big cities are designed to become education centre area in order to attract more students. Therefore, many people choose to live in large town due to its easiness to get proper education.

In conclusion, even though settling in large cities will bring up several difficulties, I believe that the urban life difficulties will be far outweighed by the merits of living in urban area. (266 Words)
nda18   
Nov 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. [3]

Hi rasam, these are my thought towards your essay

firstly, you have a good essay and good paraphrase too.
however, there are several alternative sentence that i believe will make your essay better

Public areas are seen as a perfect ...
[Public areas should be seen as a perfect place for people to gather and entertain their leisure time and also to breathe pure air.]

... chronic diseases such as cancerdue to the fact that Non-smokers are more likely to ...
[ i think it would be better if you use a linking word between this sentences ]

Third reason, in public areas, smokersfrequently throws their lit
... do not concentrate ON what will occur.

the major issue of your essay is : your essay lack of example ( it could be scientific example or your own experiences)

thank you
nda18   
Nov 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Handedness or the dominant hand has been researched by a psychologist, Mathew. [4]

Handedness or the dominant hand has been researched by a psychologist, Mathew. In the articles read by the speaker, Mathew had found that handedness affects people who play music or some sports. Mathew also found that handedness is used to identify better strategy in sport game. Meanwhile, another research had been conducted by Mathew in German to find the human capacity to utilize both hand equally, namely mix-handed. The experiment involved the number of musician regarding to the type of instrument, the length it was played, and their regular practice. Interestingly, the result showed that keyboardist had high level using both hand, while string players such as violinist preferred one hand. Another experiment showed that handedness is use in some sport such as hockey, tennis and gymnastic. In hockey, the players tend to be mix handed due to the fact that hockey stick must be deployed in two direction. Also, mix handed players is more confident rather than one hand players. While in tennis, they prefer one hand player to make large vision.
nda18   
Nov 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Summary : 'Moana', not your typical Disney Princess [5]

Walt Disney, as the largest animation studio company, released their newest animation titled Moana. The director, Ron Clements and John Musker, said that Moana comes from Motunui as a daughter of a mystical-Polynesian-island chief. The character of Moana is described as an obedient daughter who tried to ignore her strong desire. In this film, Moana has a conflict with herself regarding to what she will choose between listening to her father and following her heart. In a stark contrast to other Disney princess who has funny sidekick animal and an adventure, Moana's adventure happens because she creates her own fate. From Moana many life lessons can be learned by both adults and children.

thejakartapost
nda18   
Nov 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary TED (v) Jill Heinert Underwater explorer [4]

hi dioba, these are my thought towards your essay

...Jill Heinert, a TED speaker, was tried to explore about the wonders of Mother Earth in the past...
[ it would be better if you explain what Mother Earth is ]

...Swimming in blacknessdarkness , silent environment and withoutno clues to exit ...
But every wayswayshedoeshad done by her to explore new environment ...
...Secondly, her purpose are to discovers ice ecology and investigate ...

i think your predominant problem are coherence and cohesion, in some sentence it looks like they are not connected to each other. secondly, your have grammar and passive or active voice issue

thank you
nda18   
Nov 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Ten pictures and ten stages of the chocolate production - linear process [4]

hi Dika, these are my thought towards your essay

...The diagram showsdiagrams show the information about...
[i think there are more than one diagram]

Overall, the process involves ten steps people ...
[ i have alternative sentence : Overall, the chocolate making process involves ten steps beginning from plant the cocoa trees to chocolate manufacturing in the factory. ]

... can be found in South Ameri ca, Africa and Indonesia...
... large box and was spread in sun to dry conditions.
[ ... the beans was pt in the large box, then it was spread in the board so it can be dried under the sun ]

... roasted in 350 o C (centigrade) .
... crucial part that was inner part was pressed then the liquid ...

thank you
nda18   
Nov 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / The diagrams describe the process of the chocolate making, which involves ten fixed steps [2]

The diagrams describe the process of the chocolate making. Overall, it can be seen that there are 10 steps in making the chocolate including the pods growing stages and factory producing stages.

To begin, the cacao trees are grown in South America, Africa and some region of Indonesia. The ripe red pods from cocoa trees are harvested and the white cocoa beans are then removed from them. Next, the removed white cocoa beans are fermented and then laid them out on a large board so that they can be dried under the sun. The dried cocoa beans are put in a large sack then taken to the chocolate factory using railway or lorry. In the factory, the beans are roasted in 350 centigrade oven. After that, the roasted beans are crushed to remove their outer shell. In the final stage, the inner part of roasted beans are pressed and the liquid chocolate are produce.




nda18   
Nov 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / It can be seen that to make a concrete, the cement is needed as one of the main materials. [2]

The diagrams describe the process of cement manufacturing and how a cement is used in the concrete production. Overall it can be seen that to make a concrete, the cement is needed as one of the main materials.

Before going to the concrete production, the cement production is going first. The manufacture of cement involves five stages. The first stage of cement production is the limestone and clay is ground by the crusher into a powder. After that, the powder is mixed using a mixer and passes to the rotating heater. In the rotating heater the powder is heated and rotated to make a mixture. The heated mixtures is carried by conveyor to be crushed by the grinder. In this step, the final cement are produced and ready to be packed into bags.

The packaged cements are ready to be utilized in the concrete production. To produce a concrete, a quarter of sand and a half of gravel are mixed with 10 percent of water and 15 per cent of the packaged cement. All of the materials are mixed utilizing a cylindrical concrete mixer until it is yielded.




nda18   
Nov 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / The process of water loop which happens both in the surface and inside of the earth. [2]

The diagram illustrates the process of water cycle happened both in the surface and inside of the earth. Overall, it can be seen that the water circulation involves several steps beginning from the land to the sky and back again.

To begin with, the sun as the driver of the cycle, provides an energy to evaporate water from Earth's surface such as ocean, lake, and river. The plants also produce a vapour as a result of transpiration. The wind carries the vapours to the cooler temperature and condenses into tiny droplets in clouds. When the clouds meet the cooler temperature in the highland, the droplets become heavier and fall down as a precipitation.

After that, most of precipitation flows the downhill as and return to the river and the ocean. Some of them soaks into the ground and trapped in either the lake or rock as ground water. Eventually, this trapped water will also return to the ocean.




nda18   
Nov 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Frog's life cycle involves about seven steps which start from eggs phase to the adult frog stage [2]

Writing Task 1 : Process - The frog life cycle

The given diagram illustrates the life cycle of a frog. Overall, it can be seen that the life cycle of the frog involves about seven steps begun from the eggs stage to the adult frog stages.

The first step of the frog metamorphosis is begun when the female frogs lay their eggs in wet places or water. After several times the cells in the eggs grow massively and come to form an embryo. In the next stages, the embryo turn into a baby frog namely tadpole. This tadpole has a long tail and still lives in the water. After several times, the tadpole begins to change, its front legs starts to grow and the tadpole's tail also become smaller.

In the next stage, the frog is preparing to life one the land when the lungs begin to develop and the frog starts the pulmonary breathing. This tadpole becomes more froglike and comes up from the water. In the final stage, a fully developed frog with lungs, legs and no tail begins to life on the land as an adult frog.





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