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Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays (page 326)

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intellectual challenges - Stanford-intelellectually engaging activity

17 - yep, I see. If you wanted to say they were mutually dependent, I would argue that math was...

Undergraduatefreezard7734 - Aug 6, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 20, 2010
"Swamp kitty," a.k.a. Cottontail - a college entrance application

7 - I like that description of him in the beginning, but this is rough: He is the odd man out...

Undergraduate111Sam_The_Man - Aug 6, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 24, 2010
compare and contrast essay about home school and public school - major topic

7 - You can find 2 excellent methods if you google: compare contrast essay alternating opposing I think that might...

Undergraduateada - Aug 6, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 8, 2010
The recent sanctions at UoSC about football program

3 - I'd get rid of extremely ...is extremely nonsensical. Maybe you should give a short sentence at the start...

UndergraduateAxJ - Aug 6, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 8, 2010
'Coming mom / Do not panic' - intellectually engaging exp. and letter to roomate

4 - Cool! Great use of "whopping." This essay sort of whops the reader, too, because it has some great words....

Undergraduatewinstonli - Aug 6, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 8, 2010
Common app personal essay--footprints in the sand

4 - Here is the most important part of the essay: I learned that these memories those that are the most...

Undergraduateleiagu - Aug 6, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 8, 2010
Volunteering @ Baptist Medical experience that will affect your college experience

5 - I think it is better without the use of the word albeit. Just take that word out and see...

Undergraduatebellaboo - Aug 6, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 8, 2010
You must always face the curtain with a bow-Theatre and it's effect on me.

4 - Fluidity is not everything! The most important thing is to punch the reader in the stomach with your...

Undergraduatejazlovesbowie - Aug 6, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 8, 2010
Drama Code Geass for short answer of Common App, feel free to comment

3 - I don't speak any languages besides English, so I am curious about how you practice. Is it easy for...

Undergraduatehimaya - Aug 5, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 7, 2010
"I am determined that I can make a difference" - 2010 UCF ESSAY

4 - I don't think this unsubstantiated assertion is a good way to begin. It is too general and vague....

Undergraduatedhartipatel027 - Aug 5, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 7, 2010
Purdue Essay - "Superwoman"

3 - I don't think this assertion is accurate. It makes it sound like leadership consists only of multitasking. ...

Undergraduateserogers32 - Aug 5, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 7, 2010
"to peruse my passions and help others" - Peace Corp - Why join the Peace Corps

2 - Throughout life, doors of opportunities opportunity open and close, providing an infinite number of possibilities for one's journey....

Undergraduateaharari - Aug 5, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 6, 2010
Something about me that will help my roommate know me better

11 - Yes, I think it adds some depth, but now I notice something that can be improved: All my life,...

Undergraduatefreezard7734 - Aug 5, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 10, 2010
My "granddaddy" - Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you

3 - Oh! Sorry about that - I was looking for a better conclusions, but somehow, it slipped out of...

Undergraduatederby581 - Aug 5, 2010 / freezard7734 - Aug 6, 2010
"as long as God is" experience in life that helped you define yourself as a person

4 - The first notion that comes to mind when... In this part, I think it is better without...

UndergraduateStormking - Aug 5, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 8, 2010
"our democracy", Common Application Essay - Responding to a quote

5 - You should read about 'servant leadership' and maybe mention it in the essay. However, it refers to something...

UndergraduateAnnaMalinovska - Aug 5, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 11, 2010
major in Special Education - University of Illinois Essay-Freshmen Admissions

3 - ...because I know how it feels not knowing being to be lost in class while everyone else is steadily...

Undergraduatebearsfan85 - Aug 5, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 5, 2010
Mae Jemison; historical figure influenced you and explain that influence

24 - Ok. I tried addressing those spots you pointed out, though I had a few questions. Can you...

Undergraduatefreezard7734 - Aug 4, 2010 / freezard7734 - Oct 5, 2010
Question about length of common application personal essay

5 - Alright. A lot of my friends are talking about writing 5-page essays, which I though was excessive. But now...

Undergraduatefreezard7734 - Aug 4, 2010 / freezard7734 - Aug 5, 2010
Common Application Short Answer Editing "Describe an experience"

13 - I know that. in fact it counts as a very appropriate experience. Just wanted to make sure you...

Undergraduatefreezard7734 - Aug 4, 2010 / Kimathi - Aug 23, 2010
"That someone was me"; The American Dream

8 - Thanks a lot Kevin!(:...

UndergraduateKimayu - Aug 4, 2010 / Kimayu - Aug 17, 2010
What are the achievements and experience that defined you as a person? (family)

5 - thank you for the help :) i appreciate it. i don't hold anything against you. its your opinion and...

Undergraduatemin_026 - Aug 4, 2010 / min_026 - Aug 6, 2010
Common App: Sibling Class, Activity Short Answer

4 - thanks kevin! i didn't even realize that until you pointed it out, but it totally makes sense. thanks again!!...

Undergraduatefdsa54321 - Aug 3, 2010 / fdsa54321 - Aug 5, 2010
How my background has had an impact on my educational goals

10 - Don't you think the first paragraph is a little too long? I think you'd better focus on the experience...

Undergraduateniina - Aug 3, 2010 / himaya - Aug 6, 2010
Knowing oneself, is the beginning of all wisdom - the purest reflection of me in a mirror

9 - Everyone please make sure you do not post any material into essay forum if it is not your own...

Undergraduatelovelycs - Aug 3, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 7, 2010
statement of purpose for Master's programme in electronics and communication eng.

3 - I think this is your short term goal rather than your ultimate goal: ...will help me to realize my...

UndergraduateBahramcreep - Aug 3, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 4, 2010
"Being myself & Try to help my community" --UC prompt #1

5 - Okay, I stared at this for a long time trying to figure out the problem. I think the problem...

Undergraduatesunzml - Aug 2, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 4, 2010
Texas Tech Admission: My father, Someone who has made an impact on your life.

3 - Keep those verb tenses consistent: He has always shown me unconditional love, no matter how badly I screwed up....

Undergraduatest_hastings - Aug 2, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 4, 2010
"My aspiration to be a registered nurse" - Nursing Personal Statement

4 - I like the poetry at the beginning. I think any inspired person will appreciate it. My family stepped...

Undergraduatevietfun2k - Aug 2, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 4, 2010
Being an artist - ucla prompt 2 tell us about a talent

6 - Did you mean "and"? My only additional criticism concerns the introduction -- I agree with vietfun2k, I...

Undergraduatewinstonli - Aug 2, 2010 / clocktower - Aug 10, 2010
'Preaching my first sermon' - An attempt to jumpstart NCSSM essays

5 - It is, when you name the final product, i.e. salt. Whereas in your case, you are talking about...

UndergraduateClynnSams - Aug 2, 2010 / ershad193 - Aug 4, 2010
To pursue a career in nursing, UT Austin transfer essay-STATEMENT OF PURPOSE

3 - Thanks for the feedbacks! I'll get right on revising....

Undergraduateplb - Aug 2, 2010 / plb - Aug 4, 2010
UC Prompt - How my world has shaped my dreams and aspirations - "hologram"

5 - Wow! A very well-written essay, indeed. After you made the few corrections, it reads well. You are certainly very...

UndergraduateMarleyWH - Aug 2, 2010 / mea505 - Sep 13, 2010
"The Metamorphosis," "Antidisestablishmentarianism"-Unsettling novel-Favorite Word

12 - Yeah, I think my Abnormal Psychology class made me feel that way too...I nearly gave up my ambition...

UndergraduateYayz - Aug 1, 2010 / Yayz - Aug 4, 2010
As my roommate, I think I should warn you; Stanford Supplement

2 - Hey, I like your creativity, not sure on the length or if there is a size limit, but maybe...

Undergraduatetitanswim - Aug 1, 2010 / MarleyWH - Aug 2, 2010
Is God real? Is it true that He's there in times of my deepest sorrow?

7 - Hello~ I think your essay have truly shown the process of your growing by questioning yourself about the...

Undergraduateraawr - Aug 1, 2010 / zengrz - Aug 9, 2010
"do not ever give up and be strong in the new world", UF admission essay, help

NEW - In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment...

Undergraduatedeep5166 - Aug 1, 2010 / — -
Futuristic idea - Personal Statement

8 - You can click around to see the kind of help I provide. But actually I am most interested in...

UndergraduateSuper - Jul 31, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 11, 2010
"Speech and Debate activity" - UF Admissions Essay-Meaningful Event

13 - I think whether or not to revise depends on inspiration. Invest a moment of inspiration next time you catch...

UndergraduateYayz - Jul 30, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 7, 2010
"Be a best friend, tell the truth..." - favorite quote

2 - Hi Lauren, I changed your thread title so that it would be unique and meaningful. Please use descriptive, meaningful...

Undergraduatelauren_leann - Jul 30, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 1, 2010
Mosaic: UC Application Essay #1

10 - Don't worry, just focus on finding those excellent words and phrases. I'll keep the threads cleaned up. Thanks...

UndergraduateAntebellum - Jul 30, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 1, 2010
"My mother has made an impact in your life" TAMU Admission Essay

4 - Thank you, I will take you advice for that. I am almost done and have allowed others to read...

Undergraduatetobixasaurx - Jul 30, 2010 / tobixasaurx - Aug 2, 2010
I am not exclusively Caucasian or Black ; My diverse lifestyle and culture

7 - Excellent stuff right here. I like all of your writing, but I almost think you should scrap paragraph...

Undergraduatetitanswim - Jul 29, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 31, 2010
Brother, the most influential and important person -Texas Freshmen Admissions

2 - Okay, you need to have a separate paragraph after you do the introduction. Make this paragraph 2: However, as...

Undergraduatelaw92 - Jul 29, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 31, 2010
Music that has developed you... rate and give advice

2 - ...an entirely new entity, but usually they had so many similarities and could easily be written off as boring....

Undergraduatemrkay66 - Jul 29, 2010 / EF_Susan - Jul 29, 2010
"ketchup's popularity" - uc prompt-tell us about your community

5 - Mark and Stephen are wicked cool. Thanks, you guys. Welcome to essayforum. This essay is terrific. I don't think...

Undergraduatewinstonli - Jul 29, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 30, 2010
Mathematics and technology: University of Illinois Essay (Academics/Goals)

6 - Whatever you do... please do not say "I want to go to a school because it is highly ranked."...

Undergraduateoceanus - Jul 29, 2010 / iceui2 - Sep 12, 2010
Why I Want to Study Abroad in Argentina Essay

4 - Thanks for the tips. I'll do my best to match the same themes I set up....

Undergraduatejudas - Jul 29, 2010 / judas - Jul 30, 2010
Essay: Randy Pausch, Someone Important to You

7 - This kind of thing confused me a lot, too, when I was applying for colleges. It is such...

Undergraduaterayban11 - Jul 28, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 2, 2010
"Argentinian parents" - FSU admission essay "VIRES, ARTES, MORES"

4 - This is an example of a sentence that gets you off to a slow start... What it amounts...

UndergraduateMari - Jul 28, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 30, 2010
Admission of Guilt or Liability in an Essay

4 - This is a good point, for sure! I hope I have not written anything too incriminating here... ;-)...

UndergraduateAnnette6241 - Jul 28, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 30, 2010
"Choices for the better" UC Prompt #1 2010

6 - Wow! Thank you guys so much for your inputs! I'll be sure to revise and post up my new...

Undergraduatejoonie - Jul 28, 2010 / joonie - Jul 30, 2010
"a career that challenges and sharpens my skill set" - The Ohio State University

4 - It's not banal, just inefficient. Something that honors one's mother or father will never be banal. However, I blieve...

UndergraduateMcPressler - Jul 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 1, 2010
"The truly important things in life" - experiences that can define you as a person

4 - Yes, that quote is excellent...I think it should stay....

Undergraduateannmichelle7 - Jul 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 30, 2010
"Unforgettable Golf Game" - UF Prompt

8 - I think you did answer the prompt well, and your point is distinct... interesting. However, it just seems...

UndergraduateShoKhun - Jul 26, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 28, 2010
"A diverse place" - Rutgers Essay

4 - thanks, but i thought i was answering the prompt with the boring stuff. like how i woul benefit &...

Undergraduateraafia93 - Jul 25, 2010 / raafia93 - Jul 27, 2010
"Parliamentary inspection of the administration" - Commonapp 150word essay

3 - Scratch some out to make some room: Representing forty-eight million people and a thousand monitors, only three were allowed...

Undergraduatepenn2015 - Jul 25, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 27, 2010
Outline reasons for choosing the Fashion Institute for Design and Merchandising

3 - I see that Yayz corrected that run on sentence at the beginning. Also, ershad makes a good point!!...

UndergraduateKiea - Jul 25, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 27, 2010
'bioengineering research' - College Sup. Essay: Duke Pratt school of Engineering

4 - Some said that this essay wasn't quite attractive as much as I thought it should have been and some...

Undergraduatelcy988 - Jul 25, 2010 / lcy988 - Jul 26, 2010
Experiences...Accomplishments...Experiences - College admission essay

6 - It's better to have this just once: Experiences...Accomplishments.. .Experiences...Accomplishments...I don't really... ...aren't they the things that define...

Undergraduateannmichelle7 - Jul 25, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 27, 2010

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