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|'Real people' - UT at Austin topic essay A. Important person
8 - Why wouldn't you want to make this more personal? The whole point of these essays is to let the...
Undergraduatezbennett10 - Sep 29, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 5, 2009
|"the death of my beloved grandmother" - UCF Essay - Bump in the road
UndergraduateBrandonArnet - Sep 28, 2009 / alexabishop - Oct 5, 2009
|UCF Undergrad Essay on obstacle--how is my essay?
30 - Hey, I am also appyling to UCF and I think you definitely satisfied the prompt. And also, I play...
Undergraduatepianogirl246 - Sep 20, 2009 / alexabishop - Oct 5, 2009
|Common App - Influential Person (My teacher and the Humanities
UndergraduateJulietTheSpooky - Sep 17, 2009 / queela09 - Oct 5, 2009
|UCF personal obstacle; Life was good, money wasn't ever a problem
2 - For me, to improve this piece, it is important to develop the problems that your family had. It is...
Undergraduatescaremechelle - Oct 5, 2009 / rhutch - Oct 5, 2009
|I find math amazing - UCAS mathematics personal statement
2 - and apply my mathematical knowledge to solve problems pertaining to those fields just a suggestion to gain...
Undergraduateacelight - Oct 5, 2009 / l3goals12 - Oct 5, 2009
|My Florida State essay, my acheivements
Undergraduatepommell1 - Oct 5, 2009 / l3goals12 - Oct 5, 2009
|He played the violin; The sound of music
11 - okay thanks everyone. III get the point that i didn't show enough strength/weakness. if you dont have any other...
Undergraduatepcvrz34g - Oct 4, 2009 / pcvrz34g - Oct 5, 2009
|The pub, in which I bus tables at, named PJ Whelihans-Part Time Job/COMMON APP
2 - Ah. You have a very detailed and well-written narrative, which is good. My main concern would be that I'm...
UndergraduateWoolachee - Oct 4, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 5, 2009
|Essay for Penn - page 217 of your 300 page autobiography
UndergraduateMoog - Sep 28, 2009 / samcguff - Oct 4, 2009
|'Moving to Texas' - achievement, risk or ethical
Undergraduatejohnny2by4 - Oct 4, 2009 / johnny2by4 - Oct 4, 2009
|'Sharing something in common' - Lehigh University Essay : Equity and Community
4 - Thank you both for your insight. The first sentence is the last sentence I wrote and I realize...
Undergraduatebob92 - Oct 4, 2009 / bob92 - Oct 4, 2009
|"Brett, you're so fat." "Lose some weight!" - Experience; Common App
6 - Oh, wait, I take that back, I forgot about the difference between overweight and obese. :) But judging from...
Undergraduatebam1992 - Oct 4, 2009 / verily - Oct 4, 2009
|My world-- UC personal statement
Undergraduatealalaprincess - Oct 4, 2009 / alalaprincess - Oct 4, 2009
|A Mother's Influence (Common App Essay)
Undergraduatecsmith11 - Oct 4, 2009 / vlatski - Oct 4, 2009
|What I would pay for peace
6 - I think it's somewhat of a good opening, sort of. However, it is asking more extensively what you pay,...
Undergraduatevlatski - Oct 4, 2009 / csmith11 - Oct 4, 2009
|""You what? You lived in China!" - Common App Essay. is this good enough?
3 - jajajajajajja i just saw that you were the one tht commented on my essay :) well i already told...
Undergraduatecatherineb - Sep 20, 2009 / acat6332 - Oct 4, 2009
|'Acting like an adult' - Florida A meaningful experience..
4 - wow! great essay. it was definitely interesting, compared to some other UF essays i was reading a little while...
Undergraduatekma721 - Sep 13, 2009 / Lorena21 - Oct 4, 2009
|"self-confidence in the hospital" - University of Florida Essay
5 - I'm getting help for my UF essay too, and mine started originally with a quote like yours. However, my...
UndergraduateJayp91 - Sep 27, 2009 / Lorena21 - Oct 4, 2009
|"on our way to Africa" - rutgers admission
3 - This is a good start: You've got the rudiments of an interesting essay that answers the question. Your narrative...
Undergraduatevlatski - Oct 3, 2009 / EF_Simone - Oct 4, 2009
|Stanford Intellectual Vital; "world free from the barriers of social prejudices"
9 - China is poised to overtake the US on the world stage. Chinese outnumber Americans 4-5:1. They are smarter than...
Undergraduatebethkhe - Oct 4, 2009 / Mustafa1991 - Oct 4, 2009
|"172 pounds." - Need help with the main essay.
7 - alalaprincess thanks for the advice, i actually thought about breaking the conversation into separate paragraphs, but i wondered if...
Undergraduatemiss_accepted - Oct 3, 2009 / miss_accepted - Oct 4, 2009
|"the city of Las Vegas" - Describe the world you come from
21 - I'd suggest you post a second draft based on the feedback you have already received. Most of what you...
Undergraduatekayliecares - Oct 4, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 4, 2009
|I'm like a lot of things - UCF What qualities or unique characteristics
3 - I enjoy the analogy, but this entry lacks enough interesting description. I disagree with Liebe on th elast...
Undergraduatecatherineb - Oct 3, 2009 / verily - Oct 4, 2009
|"trying to get into UC Davis" - My lovely personal statement!
11 - comment on verily's opinion. I can see how verily is thinking that. to address that problem, i think you...
Undergraduateasianbaybay - Sep 8, 2009 / pcvrz34g - Oct 4, 2009
|My SCARS and my MISTAKES; Common App
34 - Wow, kritipg. Thank you SO much for fixing that. I almost missed that... I don't think I'll be...
Undergraduatepcvrz34g - Sep 19, 2009 / pcvrz34g - Oct 4, 2009
|"The Luger" - Stanford Common Application essay!
Undergraduatethegerman - Sep 23, 2009 / verily - Oct 3, 2009
|UCF ESSAY - COMING TO AMERICA; family history, culture and environment
10 - I love your ideas. The way you express your opinion is quite nice. The beginning paragraph is attractive!!...
Undergraduateacat6332 - Sep 26, 2009 / Rosejoker - Oct 3, 2009
|'my native Puerto Rico' - UCF -environment in which you were raised
3 - i think you should add more differences there were between each of the places you lived. and how you...
Undergraduatecatherineb - Oct 3, 2009 / jennyz - Oct 3, 2009
|"one week to compensate for 7 years of absence" - UF Topic
11 - I like how you incorporated your view on opportunities, and how they can be taken for granted. It can...
UndergraduateAlexP1992 - Sep 2, 2009 / Grad2010 - Oct 3, 2009
|My first name Omowumi, given to me by my mother means: "I love my child" in Yoruba
Undergraduatewumkem - Sep 26, 2009 / catherineb - Oct 3, 2009
|UCF "Bump in the Road" (Experimental Drugs)
5 - ^I think everyone here has helped establish the fact taht this is a bump in the road for your...
Undergraduatehelpwithessay - Oct 3, 2009 / Liebe - Oct 3, 2009
|History Will be Kind to me for I intend to write it. Cornell Supplement Essay.
Undergraduatejemma2011 - Sep 17, 2009 / vlatski - Oct 3, 2009
|A Personal Statement- father's birthday
8 - okay, I will polish it as an article and try to eliminate those simple mistakes which turn AO down....
Undergraduatezealzou - Sep 29, 2009 / zealzou - Oct 3, 2009
|Stanford intellectual vitality essay - Bridge game
2 - Okay, I've actually played around with regular bridge a bit, and even I found your essay difficult to follow....
Undergraduatezw123 - Oct 3, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 3, 2009
|Common Application. Personal Statement. ''Dragon boat race"'
Undergraduatelinhexi - Aug 18, 2009 / zw123 - Oct 3, 2009
|"I opened up little by little" - Describe the world you come from
18 - Thanks, that was really inspiring! And yes, I am thinking too hard, i am so stressed about getting into...
Undergraduatekristinbrianne - Oct 2, 2009 / kristinbrianne - Oct 3, 2009
|Why I want to get into psychology - admission essay
4 - You've already outlined your outline: I. Introduction II. What Freud would say about you or your life III....
UndergraduateMariaC - Mar 14, 2008 / EF_Simone - Oct 2, 2009
|uofi professional goals essay
3 - I think you should add to your ending. Its not as powerful as your beginning. But other than that,...
Undergraduateisabelle2010 - Oct 2, 2009 / alalaprincess - Oct 2, 2009
|My Life according to Edward Elgar- Common App!
11 - Well, the content seems solid enough. You need to work on polishing your grammar, though. For instance, in your...
Undergraduateomarxcore - Sep 21, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 2, 2009
|Who am I and what Do I want from College?
2 - The second half of your essay is considerably stronger than your first half. Your first half is fairly dull,...
Undergraduateshahindian2009 - Oct 1, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 2, 2009
|'Meaningless life without struggle' - FSU CARE SUMMER BRIDGE PROGRAM
Undergraduatekaylalexandria - Sep 29, 2009 / kaylalexandria - Oct 2, 2009
|'Biomedical engineering' - Johns Hopkins Essay- Supplement critique
3 - Thank you! Do you have any suggestions of how I should eloquently transition into the new topic? Also,...
Undergraduatedanlee92 - Oct 1, 2009 / danlee92 - Oct 2, 2009
|Live, Laugh, Love
UndergraduateTheDreamer - Sep 28, 2009 / shahindian2009 - Oct 1, 2009
|"Living within natural and cultural limits" - Stanford- Intellectual Vitality Essay
Undergraduatecybertron - Sep 20, 2009 / samcguff - Oct 1, 2009
|UT Essay Statement of Purpose (The Cosmic Number)
Undergraduateleeznon - Sep 30, 2009 / leeznon - Oct 1, 2009
|UF Admission Essay: Student Company
11 - Thanks...
Undergraduaterbz4real - Sep 9, 2009 / rbz4real - Oct 1, 2009
|'ACT center' - My significant achievement, Common App Long Essay
2 - These words are used incorrectly: "fickle facial expressions " what do you mean here? doubtful? you could...
Undergraduatewilliampercyong - Oct 1, 2009 / kritipg - Oct 1, 2009
|You could say that I had college fever!; Transfer Reasons
2 - Why do you talk about how badly your first college experience went? Do the admissions officers really need to...
Undergraduatesunshine9 - Sep 30, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 1, 2009
|'Emergency rooms; I was attacked' - UCF topic number 1
11 - Change the essay so the first part is in the first person. Then, replace your current conclusion, where you...
Undergraduatepatchell5107 - Sep 29, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 1, 2009
|UCF admission; "I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich"
2 - Why have you written this essay? To tell the admissions officers that your family has influenced you? But they...
Undergraduatermoffatt2010 - Sep 30, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 1, 2009
|UC Personal Statement: Asian-American family
NEW - UC Prompt 1 The CASC organization and New Asian-American Person Growing up in an Asian-American family in...
Undergraduateeveninghunts - Sep 30, 2009 / — -
|'My AA degree' - Vires, Artes, Mores - these principals have been emulated in my life.
Undergraduatermoffatt2010 - Sep 29, 2009 / patchell5107 - Sep 30, 2009
|'Sunny View Retirement Home' - UC PROMPT EDIT MY ESSAY
3 - Thanks Shelby :) I really appreciate it Here is my revised version... I feel like I'm still missing...
Undergraduatelol - Sep 29, 2009 / lol - Sep 30, 2009
|'empty refrigerators'; QuestBridge - experience that intellectually excites me
Undergraduateroka4004 - Sep 30, 2009 / roka4004 - Sep 30, 2009
|World of Difference- CommonApp 150 Words
3 - I like the ending the way it is now, actually. This is clever and original. One thing, though: ...
Undergraduatekaturday - Sep 30, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 30, 2009
|My reasons for transfering to WM
2 - The content is pretty good. Your writing style could use some tightening, though. Get rid of all the "I...
Undergraduatejaboo32 - Sep 30, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 30, 2009
|@ 18 Tyler Franks passed away of a drug overdose; SOP- UT Austin
4 - Okay! Thank you so much for the advice!! Once I make things more specific will that be okay as...
Undergraduatelaurenelizabeth - Sep 29, 2009 / laurenelizabeth - Sep 30, 2009
|The Ten-Digit Number - Common App Essay
Undergraduatekaturday - Sep 29, 2009 / katurday - Sep 30, 2009
UndergraduateSephiroth - Sep 30, 2009 / Sephiroth - Sep 30, 2009
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