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Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays (page 415)

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penn essay (For Freshman Applicants only)

3 - When I first met my "Uncle" Norm (my dad's best friend) I knew I had met someone who was...

Undergraduatesportsguy884 - Dec 31, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2008
UCF essays (family history, why UCF) - Chinese culture

3 - Even though we may not realize it, our families influence us significantly. My family's history, culture, and environment help...

UndergraduateSui0915 - Dec 31, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2008
Common App Main Essay ("cultures of plants")

4 - Rays of the early morning sun peep into the little bottle garden in my study. My bond with...

Undergraduatedhruvsharma - Dec 31, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2008
Personal Statement-character (a "new world" opened up for me)

4 - Thank you for all of your inputs! They were all really helpful....

Undergraduateichid99 - Dec 30, 2008 / ichid99 - Dec 31, 2008
Why BU? ("the button labeled Play")

4 - Thanks for your input EF_Sean! I appreciate your comment and I plan on submitting it today!...

Undergraduates2Alex - Dec 31, 2008 / s2Alex - Dec 31, 2008
Chicago Supplement- Is the universe really what we perceive it to be?

7 - Oh! I see. In interpreted this: "Put two or three ideas or items in a particle accelerator thought experiment....

UndergraduateLinnus - Dec 30, 2008 / Linnus - Dec 31, 2008
The last time I post this - Tufts supplements - "why Tufts?"

5 - thanks a lot! your suggestions make better sense than what i've got! lol...

Undergraduatezowzow - Dec 31, 2008 / zowzow - Dec 31, 2008
Brown Supplement - Physics

5 - As light passes through a transparent material, it bends to a new orientation because of differing indices of refraction....

Undergraduatedsacks - Dec 30, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2008
biomechanics concentration - Johns Hopkins supplemental

8 - Thanks for the feedback!...

Undergraduateyli09 - Dec 29, 2008 / yli09 - Dec 31, 2008
'I love Rochester, but I need a change' - Boston University Supplement

6 - Thank you...

Undergraduatempatel246 - Dec 30, 2008 / mpatel246 - Dec 31, 2008
My fascination for process of invention; Carnegie Mellon; Major?

8 - Oh, I'm sorry for the worry, but actually the fact that you have your name attached to it establishes...

Undergraduatetofu - Dec 30, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2008
Brown supplement essays (biology and medicine)

3 - My main academic interests lie in biology and medicine, although I also have personal interests in other areas, such...

Undergraduatet3h50 - Dec 30, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2008
UPenn's p.217 autobio. essay (dance)

5 - Then, the music in the background stopped. The team before us had finished, and the theatre exploded into applause...

Undergraduateac10 - Dec 30, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2008
Another penn professor short (nanotechnology)

7 - Yes, and maybe you could be more specific about this part, above! :)...

Undergraduatehellomoto - Dec 30, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2008
Summer activity (a substitute teacher at Ithan Elementary School)

10 - y word program shows the revision i gave you to be 447 characters. Am I missing something? Good luck!!!...

UndergraduateUmich - Dec 29, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2008
most meaningful academic experience (Moral Studies)

4 - Hey, Thanks for the advice!...

Undergraduatefanynoh - Dec 30, 2008 / fanynoh - Dec 31, 2008
'responsibility to the public interest' - amherst supplement - response to quote

4 - Hi patillaxp, Yeah, I think you should probably add certain personal anecdotes...it'll help to distinguish you from the...

Undergraduatepatillaxp - Dec 30, 2008 / fanynoh - Dec 31, 2008
Common App Essay -- "A New Experience" (Topic of Your Choice)

3 - How about instead of, "And, I learned that I love ecology," you write: I also learned that I...

Undergraduateshayonsaleh - Dec 30, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2008
UPENN Professor Short Answer (a successful sports agent)

3 - Thank you Kevin :)...

UndergraduateGalpster - Dec 30, 2008 / Galpster - Dec 31, 2008
Northwestern Supplement (choice of school colors)

6 - Yes, I am familiar with the concept of scarcity. However, the term actually means "rare." Things that are rare...

Undergraduatemagicinworlds - Dec 30, 2008 / EF_Sean - Dec 31, 2008
Yale: Your choice essay. "My Gift"

4 - "Instead, I think of the wonderful personal qualities that ADHD characterized me to be" Try "Instead, I think of...

Undergraduatelololololol3434 - Dec 30, 2008 / EF_Sean - Dec 31, 2008
'Understanding other people's worldview' - Common Application Essay 'Diversity'

5 - Thank you so much Kevin!! I really appreciate it!...

Undergraduatehbinjo - Dec 30, 2008 / hbinjo - Dec 31, 2008
really last minute common app-("choir members)

NEW - sorry, this is my last essay I have to write. Please help me. I used a modified UC application...

Undergraduatepurple92 - Dec 31, 2008 / — -
UVA shocking art

3 - Wow, you write so well, I was afraid I would find nothing to correct! But here is an incomplete...

Undergraduatemad3na90 - Dec 30, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2008
review my common app (water bugs)

5 - Well, you must be a great writer, because I found little room for improvement even though you wrote this...

Undergraduatesmmmmm - Dec 30, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2008
Visual Basic - Notre Dame supplement (difference)

3 - There are many ways in which I differ from my peers; however, among them the most important, I believe,...

UndergraduateKobe24 - Dec 30, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2008
Common App Essay -- "My Grandfather" (Topic of Your Choice)

3 - "Oh," I mumbled incoherently. No more asking, "What do you want to eat when you get here?" No...

Undergraduateshayonsaleh - Dec 30, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2008
"Oh" - UVA (your fav word)

4 - nice idea and good description. The word you picked definitely has some flexibility, especially when you say it different...

Undergraduatemk415 - Dec 31, 2008 / bmaffei432 - Dec 31, 2008
Need help on short answer (Acceptance and respect)

5 - Acceptance and respect are necessary because there are bound to be differences in the way people think. you...

Undergraduatechebeelol - Dec 30, 2008 / xduckiex - Dec 31, 2008
Why UPenn ("during my 3rd year of high school that I heard that name")

3 - It was during my third year of high school that I heard the name of UPenn. I had always...

UndergraduateTootley - Dec 30, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2008
Johns Hopkins Essay (embrace the unknown)

2 - I want to go forth in my life without knowing what is going to happen next and I want...

Undergraduatehaiho - Dec 31, 2008 / Angela629 - Dec 31, 2008
What would you want your roommate to know about you? - oxymoron

6 - Nah these essays dont need to be formal. I've read the essays of plenty of admited applicants. Your essay...

Undergraduatembhaire - Dec 29, 2008 / vaibhav2614 - Dec 31, 2008
To me, Discus was not mere a metal stuff, it was my dream and hope; one of your activities essay

3 - I threw the discus as far as I could . To me, Discus was not merely a piece...

Undergraduatekimku91 - Dec 30, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2008
Making best of a bad situation; Yale Supplement - Divorce

4 - My brother understands this well, and takes advantage of my knowledge at every opportunity. I love and wish...

Undergraduatedsacks - Dec 30, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2008
UVA- challenge essay: Our mind - the brain. (250 words)

5 - Our minds - the brain. Connecting to the ear, there are the auditory cortices , the auditory cortex...

Undergraduateabcdefg - Dec 30, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2008
MIT Short Answers (ballroom dance; civil and environmental engineering)

3 - Correction: when I am dancing. Even though I'm "(still)" very much a .... -------->you wrote "till" very much...

Undergraduatembhaire - Dec 29, 2008 / redevil147 - Dec 31, 2008
UPENN Why essay grammar check; When I first started playing soccer I had no skills

3 - When I first started playing soccer I had no skills whatsoever. I solely relied on my superior speed to...

Undergraduatespeedy789 - Dec 30, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2008
Commonapp-significant experience: My Failure to Launch

2 - Personally, I would start with the quote from Disney that you best like. I would italicize it and center...

Undergraduatemk415 - Dec 31, 2008 / EF_Constance - Dec 31, 2008
'India career goal' - Essay for MIT undergrad

NEW - Hey, I'm sure there's tons of these around here, but if anyone could find the time to read my...

Undergraduated_burder - Dec 31, 2008 / — -
Undecided: every success we achieve we owe.

2 - These were children who had lost their parents and left alone with no one by their side; however ,...

Undergraduatetokichaw - Dec 31, 2008 / EF_Constance - Dec 31, 2008
"orchestra class" - UVA Supplemental Essay

5 - Like snowflakes, no two people are alike. So why do we attempt to categorize people into groups? These...

Undergraduatelrnsmith09 - Dec 27, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2008
Trinity Supplement ("Life isn't all about money, fame, and fortune")

2 - Ever since I could remember, my parents have always put the betterment for others before themselves. They would let...

Undergraduateohreally - Dec 31, 2008 / EF_Constance - Dec 31, 2008
Brown-Stock Market Dillema

2 - well-written essay just some of the corrections I would make: Accustomed to ace-ing my ... Learning...

Undergraduatemk415 - Dec 31, 2008 / ohreally - Dec 31, 2008
'my relationship with tennis' - Common App Additional Info Essay

3 - Every time I played tennis competitively with my family, it hurt me that I couldn't play a full match...

UndergraduateSasoo - Dec 30, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2008
georgia tech essay [taking a year off school before attending college]

3 - If you were to delay going to college by one year, what would you do with that time? And,...

Undergraduateqzhang - Dec 28, 2008 / adimauro - Dec 31, 2008
'A veterinarian from Mountain View' - Stanford... why is it a good place for me?

5 - Stanford is a great place for me because I feel comfortable at the location, because a fun and relaxing...

Undergraduateerika14 - Dec 30, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2008
Common App Essay - My Bus Experience

3 - It was hard for me to comprehend how much effort it had taken to finally get here, all the...

UndergraduateCzerwona - Dec 30, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2008
Brown short answers (my interest, and why interested in Brown)

2 - I found my passion first inside, then outside of the classroom, and I want to nurture my understanding of...

Undergraduatemk415 - Dec 31, 2008 / EF_Constance - Dec 31, 2008
'Capital punishment debate' - stanford... an intellectually engaging experience.

5 - I enjoyed doing this project because it pushed me to look at a very controversial issue from every angle...

Undergraduateerika14 - Dec 30, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2008
Stanford.. help your roommate get to know you.

7 - Well, I think use should use less of the subject "I". It starts to make me dizzy as I...

Undergraduateerika14 - Dec 30, 2008 / bmaffei432 - Dec 31, 2008
Common App Personal Essay - the summer that changed that my life.

4 - I think that the other tenses are ok. I just would change the last sentence to present tense because...

Undergraduateskullcandy527 - Dec 31, 2008 / EF_Constance - Dec 31, 2008
1st draft common app esay: Sichuan Earthquakes

6 - Yes, I always say people should avoid contractions in formal writing... Post your second draft, and I'll look...

UndergraduateJSFlash - Dec 29, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2008
"Procrastination is a killer" - COMMON APPLICATION ESSAY- NEED TO BE REVIEWED/CRITICIZED

2 - The pages of a family tree's documented history lay hidden, preserved not in a literature's hardcover binding, but rather...

Undergraduateomarerchid - Dec 31, 2008 / EF_Constance - Dec 31, 2008
Essay for some colleges, writing about writing an application essay, HELP

3 - How about that? I have changed a little bit on my essay. *** As I began to...

Undergraduatephamquocdat - Dec 29, 2008 / phamquocdat - Dec 31, 2008
cornell essay, interest in engineering

4 - Well, sportsguy, as you can see when you look at the "unanswered" posts, the forum is especially busy this...

Undergraduatesportsguy884 - Dec 30, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2008
commonapp essay, ("no a fascination with death")

3 - Here, I am alone. The willows along the river bank seemed to have magical power as they muffled...

UndergraduateBliss - Dec 30, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2008
NYU supplements .. 500 characters for all the answers

4 - I recently salvaged my new laptop because of one silly question: "How does the new Solid State hard-drive work?"Is...

Undergraduateakashnegi - Dec 30, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2008
Cornell Supplement, School of Hotel Management

5 - Thank you for your help!...

Undergraduatebananazzz - Dec 30, 2008 / bananazzz - Dec 31, 2008
NU supp - an album named "Life at NU".

NEW - happy new year!!! i think the whole essay is too wordy...but dunno how to cut it down : (...

Undergraduatejeziker - Dec 31, 2008 / — -
' the Virginia Supreme Court' - common app experience and risk taken essay

3 - Success is not a case lost or in this won, success is the feeling of satisfaction and belonging that...

Undergraduateshah_parth92 - Dec 24, 2008 / JohnDavid - Dec 31, 2008

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