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Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays (page 427)

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Which Professor offers faculty and research opportunities? Essay...

6 - assist! yes! that was the word I was looking for! I knew it began with an "a" Thanks...

Undergraduaterandomzm - Nov 30, 2008 / randomzm - Dec 1, 2008
student government - CommonApp EC Activity SHORT!

4 - great recommendations! Thanks!...

Undergraduaterandomzm - Nov 30, 2008 / randomzm - Dec 1, 2008
my prompt for uc undergrad - "your most defining quality"

3 - TheFlameProof, thanks for participating the way you do, and mustering up collaboration. Your sincere feedback is great. Sadia,...

Undergraduatesadia - Nov 30, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 1, 2008
The challenges and obstacles I had faced in high school- UC transfer prompt

3 - In the past years, I blamed my mother's lack of support and made it an excuse for my falling...

Undergraduatehastaluego06 - Nov 30, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 1, 2008
Describing a time in which your friends and teachers supported you through a tough time

15 - This is well-written! You can take this part: Spring semester of my junior year, I enrolled in...

UndergraduateFatalKid91 - Nov 20, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 1, 2008
Korea - Rutgers Essay

4 - Great proofreading by Neva and lovelovelife92. Also: My first experience with the World Cup and my pride...

Undergraduatesonghyunwoo - Nov 30, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 1, 2008
My parents are my motivation to be a hard-working, determined, and versatile student

4 - I attended both schools and found it hard sometimes to balance the schoolwork that came with that duel enrollment....

Undergraduatelc987 - Nov 30, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 1, 2008
"America can change. Yes we can." UC #1

5 - Cool, I bet they'll love it. Thanks!!!!...

Undergraduatealexteele - Nov 29, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 1, 2008
'task beyond expectation' - Bioengineering Major [UC Prompt #1 transfer]

3 - While shadowing Dr. Karim Shaikley, of Upland Orthopedic Clinic, at Alta Loma Hospital, I witnessed the 'hidden technology' embedded...

Undergraduatealjashamy - Nov 30, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 1, 2008
The way of life-----UC PROMPT #2

5 - Oh yeah, it does sound like a line from the eminem movie! Anyway, I don't think it's exactly the...

Undergraduateleej88 - Nov 30, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 1, 2008
do you think it is okay to include GPA information on UC essays??

4 - Yes, I agree that it is good to discuss the GPA, as long as you are sticking to the...

Undergraduatewestcoastkidd - Nov 29, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 1, 2008
Help with USC essay ("to recognize opportunities")

3 - Usually, it is best not to use contractions in formal, academic writing, so instead of writing, for example, "wouldn't,"...

Undergraduatesuraju91 - Nov 30, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 1, 2008
memories of Christmas holiday in 2004

3 - First line: Like anybody else who was affected by the Tsunami that hit in 2004, I can never...

Undergraduatexcorat - Nov 30, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 1, 2008
UC prompt 1. Electrical Engineering.

4 - It was in my University in Sri Lanka that I obtained most of my experience and formally declared my...

Undergraduatexcorat - Nov 30, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 1, 2008
Trouble when speaking about experience, UC Transfer Question Prompt

3 - Nope, not safe! :) The most important part is to write well, and the second most important part is...

UndergraduateJashley - Nov 30, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 1, 2008
Computer science - UC Prompt #1 and #2 - Transfer Applicant

3 - Neva made some important corrections, and I would even modify one further (prompt 2): As the season progressed,...

Undergraduatekrad - Nov 30, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 1, 2008
Lehigh supplement essay - I will contribute to the campus greatly.

3 - Well, the first thing i notice in your essay is that it does not specifically explain why Lehigh is...

Undergraduatemurf5 - Dec 1, 2008 / Angela629 - Dec 1, 2008
ACTIVITIES SECTION OF UC APP - what exactly goes in each section?

2 - I don't know what the application consists of, but if you post the application prompts, I can give you...

UndergraduatePANIAGUA12 - Nov 30, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 1, 2008
Response to question "to what other colleges..."?

3 - Thanks, Kevin! You're always here to give me helpful advice. :) ^___^ A_R ^___^...

UndergraduateAmyRemus - Nov 29, 2008 / AmyRemus - Dec 1, 2008
Sociology - uc prompt ; never came to my mind when I was juggling through majors

4 - I think if you want to make it a conversation way,you have to write a introductive paragraph.And the effect...

Undergraduatesadia - Nov 30, 2008 / charliesun - Dec 1, 2008
'biology class' - Passion For A Subject Or Cause University of Delaware Essay

3 - Thank you so much! I will certainly make those corrections that you mentioned. This is a very helpful website....

Undergraduatedb_armada - Nov 30, 2008 / db_armada - Nov 30, 2008
Late Show style Personal Statement

5 - i dont know if i would go with that style. maybe change it up to less of a conversation...

Undergraduatecharliesun - Nov 28, 2008 / sadia - Nov 30, 2008
"You don't even look Filipino." - Personal Statement

7 - Thanks egetzshef for your suggestion! I have another question if anyone minds answering lol.. Do you guys think...

Undergraduater991183878 - Nov 30, 2008 / r991183878 - Nov 30, 2008
UC TRANSFERRING ESSAY PROMPT 1 & 2, I have a traveler's eye

3 - thank you!...

Undergraduategua - Nov 29, 2008 / gua - Nov 30, 2008
A Short UC Prompt 2 - "Growing Up In Long Beach"

6 - The essay as a whole sounds pretty good to me. I don't know if you've finished editing or not,...

UndergraduateTheFlameProof - Nov 30, 2008 / stc3 - Nov 30, 2008
Marital Arts as a Way of Life - uc prompt 2 pls help revise?!

4 - thank you so much! ill correct this rite away!...

Undergraduatedreadhavok - Nov 30, 2008 / dreadhavok - Nov 30, 2008
Fixating on Curiosity (UC Prompt #1)

5 - Thank you, the two of you have been helpful....

Undergraduatenewsajadi - Nov 29, 2008 / newsajadi - Nov 30, 2008
Discovering my passion in art history

4 - Thank you so much EF Kevin and The Flame Proof for revising my essay....

Undergraduatekatacyklsla2ny - Nov 29, 2008 / katacyklsla2ny - Nov 30, 2008
UC Prompt #1 "This World of Mines.." Need Revision A.s.a.p.

3 - I think your prompt is pretty good except I think you might have messed up on this sentance "I...

Undergraduateezbzeric - Nov 29, 2008 / TheFlameProof - Nov 30, 2008
the best aspects of an education - Personal Statement

7 - Prompt: Evaluate a significant experience and its effect on you. Five years ago, my mom was diagnosed with...

UndergraduateAndrea09 - Oct 28, 2008 / Andrea09 - Nov 30, 2008
August 1998, America. UC Prompt 1 Need help revise.

2 - In August of 1998, my family and I left Hong Kong and stepped into America for the first time....

Undergraduatewklui - Nov 30, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Nov 30, 2008
"My exposure to music", title pending- UC admissions prompt #2

2 - By the time I entered middle school, I was practicing approximately two hours every day, as well as attending...

Undergraduatewangmaster1219 - Nov 29, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Nov 30, 2008
"I love badminton" - UC prompt 2 essay

3 - Personally, i think you could do without this. They seem like unneeded generalizations and the statement also seems...

UndergraduateNOkiaT - Nov 29, 2008 / TheFlameProof - Nov 30, 2008
I do not want what others want; my definition of success - UC Prompt essay

2 - All of this celebrity spending to buy these "much needed accessories," appeals to the sense of humor in me....

UndergraduateNOkiaT - Nov 29, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Nov 30, 2008
SAIC statement of purpose (animated films). Am on the right track?

15 - great essay! couldn't find anything really wrong with it, i think it answers the prompt quite well :) ...

Undergraduatestc3 - Nov 29, 2008 / TheFlameProof - Nov 30, 2008
UC Prompt #2 Dilligence

3 - "Many of my friends told me that I would mumble, move around nervously, and stutter." The above sentence...

UndergraduateMIGotyou - Nov 29, 2008 / TheFlameProof - Nov 30, 2008
Rice Essay Prompt: Personal Perspective

2 - Even though I didn't agree with them, I could look at them through nonjudgmental eyes. Great essay but...

Undergraduatelacylou09 - Nov 29, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Nov 30, 2008
uc essay prompt 1 - "Don't wait for your ship to come, swim out to it."

2 - Great story and reflection. I think you should separate it into a few paragraphs for clarity: The proverb,...

Undergraduatedoraface - Nov 29, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Nov 30, 2008
"my parents to teach and groom" - short 150 word response.

7 - Yes, it is very thoughtful and meaningful. You can improve it by adding an opening sentence that sums up...

Undergraduatejenf3r - Nov 25, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Nov 30, 2008
Designated Driver - (UC prompt 1 - my world)

5 - Well, if the word limit allows for you to write a bit more, I suggest that you add one...

Undergraduatembhaire - Nov 29, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Nov 30, 2008
"Do a good turn daily." - Rutgers Essay

4 - You got some good feedback from mstratton8, and i would add that this sentence can be improved: ...some...

UndergraduateErocknroll212 - Nov 29, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Nov 30, 2008
"I feel it is better to be a leader than a follower." - UC Personal #2

6 - You can begin with this: As a child, I lacked self-confidence and was very shy. Also: ...

Undergraduatebcbossman - Nov 29, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Nov 30, 2008
"To start life afresh in California" - UC, What do you think of it so far?

6 - Yes, I understand what you mean. I was reading the first few paragraphs, and they are all so well-written...

Undergraduatemisheel - Nov 26, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Nov 30, 2008
"I am proud to be a freethinker" - UC prompt 2

2 - Excellent sentence right here: Suddenly, everything right felt so wrong, and everything wrong felt so right, yet my mind...

Undergraduateashelle - Nov 29, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Nov 30, 2008
"I am not a "nobody" - UC Prompt 2

3 - That was what I told myself when I decided to run for a position in the executive committee of...

Undergraduatewongxy - Nov 29, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Nov 30, 2008
Elaborate One of Your Activities - my father's golf club

2 - In my junior year, I worked in my father's golf club, Lao Lao Bay Golf Club. I served food...

Undergraduateop2607 - Nov 29, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Nov 30, 2008
"Born in France" - UC prompt 1 and 2

8 - All you need is one good introductory sentence that says something like: The world that has shaped my dreams...

Undergraduatemerodir - Nov 25, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Nov 30, 2008
My Environment - Moving to the Philippines and to a new school

2 - However, after three whole years of life in the contrasting environment, I found myself sharing commonalities with the people...

Undergraduateop2607 - Nov 29, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Nov 30, 2008
"a freshman who hated Chinese"; "chicken on fire" - UC PROMPT 1 & 2

8 - Wow, great essay. No, I have no changes to suggest. You write very well!...

Undergraduategman450 - Nov 28, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Nov 30, 2008
"what do you want to do when you grow up?" - UC Prompt 1

7 - No, describing the world you come from is exactly what you have done here. I think you did answer...

UndergraduateNOkiaT - Nov 25, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Nov 30, 2008
"my drink" - UC Prompt #1

4 - I found some improvements to make in the segment below: This drink I that hold in my hands...

Undergraduatefabxx - Nov 29, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Nov 30, 2008
"my intended major is history" - UC personal statement. Prompt 2

2 - Use two commas here: When I got to college, though, I realized that just because I was good...

Undergraduateanastasiab17 - Nov 29, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Nov 30, 2008
"to talk about an issue I concern" (Wallstreet) - UT TOPIC B

2 - The nation's economy is in a recession, this year's college graduates face a job market that is not very...

UndergraduateZoeL14 - Nov 29, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Nov 30, 2008
"my first-ever vacation" - UC app- prompt 2

5 - For this senence, I thanked him and we parted ways when I retrieved my food. I think...

Undergraduatesvcdt - Nov 29, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Nov 30, 2008
wonder and intrigue on how my high school career would unfold; UC essay "My urge for determination"

3 - I was faced with fear, wonder and intrigue about ... I see that in many places you have...

Undergraduateteddy411 - Nov 29, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Nov 30, 2008
My involvement in theater - Acting was officially my new hobby. UC transfer essay

11 - The 1000 word limit only applies to the 1st and 2nd prompt. The 3rd prompt is an open...

UndergraduateWildtalon - Nov 20, 2008 / aljashamy - Nov 30, 2008
My older sister and her impact on my life - essay

4 - I once heard a quote about the people we come to meet, how only... Usually, you should not...

UndergraduateRden - Nov 29, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Nov 30, 2008
"My mom and dad's office" - UC prompt 1 and 2

11 - The only thing I want to ask about is the title: My Mom and Dad's Office Is this...

Undergraduatesilversweet - Nov 24, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Nov 30, 2008
UC application (Activities & Awards, community service, additional comments

3 - Oh thank you for your help:) and..i have one more question actually.. for the 3rd statement, since it...

Undergraduateksj430 - Nov 29, 2008 / ksj430 - Nov 30, 2008
Essay feedback - Issue of terrorism and its significance to me

2 - Instead of using contractions (i.e. "didn't"), write the two words separately. For me, this meant being looked at...

Undergraduateaz2845 - Nov 29, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Nov 30, 2008

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