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Research advice on TOEFL, SAT, IELTS, GRE and other academic essays (page 474)

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Power Privilege essay

8 - You still need to work on defining power. You might start by going over to dictionary.com, which lists 20...

Writing Feedbackwilliams73 - Mar 31, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 1, 2009
Some Causes of Stress -- work, family, finance.

3 - In our modern, technological century, stress becomes a common experience for all of us. There are many reasons. for...

Writing Feedbackchubbybear - Mar 30, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 31, 2009
TOEFL Essay - Cars cause a lot of air pollution...

5 - In my view, this payment it is obviously their responsibility to pay for cleaning the environment and to support...

Writing Feedbackinextricable - Mar 30, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 31, 2009
Advertisment analysis

5 - I agree that the first paragraph should be cut. Instead of saying obvious things, say your most important truth...

Writing Feedbackicemaster2340 - Mar 29, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 31, 2009
"PGD method" - feetback on introduction of short academic essay

12 - "a morally problematic way of thinking that the Holocaust should have taught us to avoid." Avoid comparing things to...

Writing FeedbackTAMTAM - Mar 20, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 30, 2009
Do circumstances determine whether or not we should tell the truth?

10 - Your second essay now stays on topic, and is much better. For the first essay, your proposed revision still...

Writing Feedbacktiantian12 - Mar 28, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 30, 2009
If you cannot excel in a field, simply leave it for someone who can. Decisions

9 - It is absolutely wonderful, enjoyed readind it....

Writing FeedbackRosamond - Mar 26, 2009 / tasneemspring - Mar 30, 2009
My narrative story on how bank of america charge off department closed down

3 - Some excellent advice from Mustafa. I would go even further, though, and say that you should add dialogue even...

Writing Feedbacksexyness1421 - Mar 29, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 30, 2009
Management of Planning - Arthur Anderson (Enron case)

4 - If you have already done the research, you are halfway there already. Try to find connections between the pieces...

Writing Feedbackchampion510 - Mar 28, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 29, 2009
IELTS Writing Task--Fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood

18 - It's a classic breakdown in an argument, out of viciousness and disrepute -- failing to stay on point as...

Writing Feedbackkirin - Mar 25, 2009 / Mustafa1991 - Mar 29, 2009
If you can interview any living person, who would it be and why?

6 - Rich Monte) I appreciated your points ! I realized how important to distinguish the truth through television or...

Writing Feedbacksukjay - Mar 26, 2009 / sukjay - Mar 28, 2009
Essay on The Cons of Social Text Messaging

4 - Thank you. That helps much Joseph Walsh...

Writing FeedbackNathan - Mar 27, 2009 / Nathan - Mar 28, 2009
Essay on the Reformation in Europe - Feedback

2 - ...Along with it, the Protestant Reformation brought religious pluralism in Europe, attacking religious dogma which at that time dominated...

Writing FeedbackAMk - Mar 26, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 27, 2009
Do images and impressions have too much of an effect on people?

5 - EV Kevin~thank you for your encouragement. I really appreciate your help. I will work harder to improve my writing!!^_^...

Writing Feedbacktiantian12 - Mar 26, 2009 / tiantian12 - Mar 27, 2009
"Never too Buff"; two examples of thesis statments

18 - Now, reading with my defense down, I can take advantage of his point of view. Thanks again, Sean Oh...

Writing Feedbacklilmisha - Mar 21, 2009 / lilmisha - Mar 27, 2009
My pet essay

7 - That's a first, Mustafa! :)...

Writing FeedbackU to the Woods - Mar 22, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 26, 2009
One of Edison's invention - Does this article sound good in English?

4 - I though of this: When Edison was fourteen, he worked at a railway station only at night...

Writing Feedbacktasneemspring - Mar 24, 2009 / Rosamond - Mar 26, 2009
Proudest achievement of my life-linear generator buoy

3 - pretty impressive essay... specially ur ideas.. overall i don thin dis essay requires much of changes.. i agree wid...

Writing Feedbackabhishek - Mar 25, 2009 / savvy - Mar 26, 2009
Soldiers experiences in Iraq, World War II, Vietnam.

4 - This is a compare/contrast on the soldiers' experiences, not on the wars themselves, the way I see it. ...

Writing Feedbacksadly204 - Mar 23, 2009 / Mustafa1991 - Mar 25, 2009
Intro for my essay about army lowing its standards. Sound good so far?

3 - Another way to fix the error near that semi-colon is to just keep it the same and use a...

Writing Feedbacksgc88 - Mar 23, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 24, 2009
Catcher in the Rye: reality vs. fantasy

20 - That's great news. Hope we can help out with your next essay, too....

Writing Feedbacksc15pcz - Mar 11, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 24, 2009
Karl Marx vs. The Economic Hitman

7 - Yes, but the fact that people believe it does work means that they accept levels of income inequality that...

Writing FeedbackGautama - Mar 21, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 23, 2009
review my quote essay ("The desire to know..")

7 - In all scope of All human achievement begins with a desire to know, and this desire is what drives...

Writing FeedbackGrammarFool - Mar 22, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 23, 2009
Gay, lesbian, bisexual teens in America

2 - Here are some revisions and suggestions to get you started: "Gay, lesbian, bisexual people are treated like different...

Writing Feedbackchipmunk - Mar 21, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 22, 2009
Pygmalion Paragraph for brochure

3 - Hey, that is good stuff from Sean! Yes, the parts where you tell some of what happens in the...

Writing Feedbackmenamilad - Mar 21, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 22, 2009
Goals: Dancer, Hairdresser, Musician

5 - The first goal beside that of becoming a dancer is to become an elementary school teacher. One reason...

Writing Feedbackanzgurl - Mar 19, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 21, 2009
A short story draft - dirty job, "Dear Diary" comment

7 - tnx sean, but i dont get ur question....

Writing Feedbacknewsha31 - Mar 18, 2009 / newsha31 - Mar 20, 2009
Summary and Personal Response "Hills Like White Elephants" grammar check

4 - At some point you might want to think about the two main meanings of the phrase "white elephant." It...

Writing Feedbackkinghippo - Mar 18, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 20, 2009
Thesis Statement About My Goals (semi-pro football)

6 - I revised it a bit and shorten it some what. Dear Professor, Growing up in Bronx, New York,...

Writing FeedbackGHouse - Feb 17, 2009 / GHouse - Mar 19, 2009
"What did you want to be when you were a child" - 5 paragraph essay

4 - However, when I got older, I realized that being a dancer was not my top goal anymore, because I...

Writing Feedbackanzgurl - Mar 18, 2009 / anzgurl - Mar 19, 2009
"The Right To Have an Abortion" - my argumentative paper

20 - Yes, that's right! Good insight. A good essay is at least a little argumentative, in the sense that it...

Writing Feedbacklatror - Mar 13, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 19, 2009
"Lithuania Environmental problems" essay - correct my mistakes

3 - Nevertheless, Lithuania has problems involving the quantity of garbage, car ... Yeah... you need to be more specific. What...

Writing Feedbackjurgita - Mar 18, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 19, 2009
Essay to Compare your Two Teachers

10 - i agree with snowman...when I make outlines of a subject I'm about to write on, I find that I...

Writing Feedbackchubbybear - Mar 3, 2009 / sharkbait09 - Mar 17, 2009
Essay for TOEFL: "establishing a new university in your community"

3 - This essay already seems to be in good shape, after Tyler and Kevin's excellent advice. One thing I would...

Writing Feedbackmogul - Mar 16, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 17, 2009
What do you think composition is? (this is the essay title we were given)

5 - Thank you so much for everyones input into my essay.i have learnt somethin for a change.now i need help...

Writing FeedbackPriya Nayer - Mar 16, 2009 / Priya Nayer - Mar 17, 2009
a psychology research paper

2 - Hello! Gloria is not active as a moderator right now, but there are a few others of us... ...

Writing Feedbackjenhur - Mar 16, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 17, 2009
Expository Essay "Keeping Kids Drug Free"

6 - Everyone has different ideas about what an expository essay is... like Sean said, it encompasses multiple categories. If you...

Writing Feedbackrolenakay - Mar 15, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 16, 2009
In the Kitchen: Constructing Identity

2 - I think you should expand the first paragraph to explain that thesis statement about exploring his own values. Make...

Writing FeedbackCodyB - Mar 15, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 15, 2009
"Life is like riding a bicycle.."

5 - Was this suppose to relate to the quote about life being like riding a motorcycle? you need to find...

Writing FeedbackAaron - Mar 6, 2009 / sharkbait09 - Mar 15, 2009
Achievement of Set goals in Life is a Success

NEW - Learning is always a passion for me. Learning is an ongoing process, knowledge and skill gain through comprehensive learning...

Writing Feedbacktb1978 - Mar 15, 2009 / — -
The Future of the Internet, Globalization, and Mankind

3 - "Internet" is a proper noun and should be capitalized throughout the essay. Also, the first paragraph should me a...

Writing Feedbackrshingleton - Mar 14, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 14, 2009
SAT Essay:One Subject or Multiple?

3 - Some more fixes: "In modern society, the indispensable discoveries cannot be found by focusing on one subject anymore,...

Writing Feedbackmingbaau - Mar 13, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 14, 2009
Description about a friend of mine

4 - Very good first draft. To make it even stronger, try going through and eliminating all forms of "to be"...

Writing Feedbackcaryngmail - Mar 10, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 13, 2009
Summary Writing on the issue of Urbanization

7 - Hi, this looks great, with no errors that I can find. However, when I write an article summary, I...

Writing Feedbacks11022734 - Feb 26, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 13, 2009
"Animals should have rights too" - Argumentative Essay (Rogerian Style)

3 - Hello! A Rogerian argument is very focused on the counter-argument. That means you need to spend some time...

Writing Feedbacklilroxy17 - Mar 12, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 13, 2009
"Malcolm X and Dr King" esssay, fighting inequality

5 - Now that Kevin's mentioned it, King does seem to be the more admirable and effective figure. King fought for...

Writing Feedbackd690meg - Mar 11, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 12, 2009
Working in a cubicle - Division\Classification essay with emphasis on Division.

6 - Hi, I see that your first para ends with an assertion that the common idea about cubicle life is...

Writing Feedbackakern - Mar 9, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 11, 2009
Chronic Illness and Family-Analysis paper

2 - This quote above... should you name the illness, or keep it unspecified in the intro? Oh, nevermind! I...

Writing Feedbackhunnybun39 - Mar 10, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 11, 2009
On the Inland of Hispanolia

9 - Hello! Thanks for the suggesting those books, I love Stephen King's novels, so I really look forward to reading...

Writing FeedbackRangedCrow - Mar 7, 2009 / RangedCrow - Mar 11, 2009
Bank of America is a Great Employer - Argumentative Essay Need Suggestions

4 - This was interesting to me because I used to work at Bank of America. Great advice above, you have...

Writing FeedbackUnshella - Feb 28, 2009 / akern - Mar 9, 2009
"Successful Lie" - 4-5 pages essay for homework.

5 - Well, part of my job is to make sure the essays go in the right places. In this case,...

Writing Feedbackrabi - Mar 6, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 9, 2009
The Oregon Runaway Laws

4 - How exactly would throwing runaways into jail with hardened criminals be better for either them or their parents than...

Writing Feedbackmileybiley - Mar 6, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 7, 2009
"You don't choose your family." - Turning Point Essay Edit

4 - Every time I talk to my parents, I always feel that they're always yelling at me and they don't...

Writing Feedbackzouter - Mar 6, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 7, 2009
Ethics and Values BA Hons Social Work

3 - First thing I notice is a mistake with the APA in-text citation: ...social interaction." (Fook, 2007, pg 52)....

Writing Feedbackelzbietabielec - Mar 6, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 7, 2009
Oh Spring! Where is your sense of humor?

5 - Wow, that is some impressive advice. I had to take a minute to acknowledge that Sean gave some excellent...

Writing Feedbackjohnyeeto - Mar 5, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 6, 2009
Flight & Growing Up -Comparive Essay

3 - Here are a few other fixes to go with the great advice from Sean; This metaphorically means that...

Writing Feedbackmohsin_ahmad - Mar 4, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 6, 2009
"That Night I Proposed" - ENGLISH 080 essay

7 - It's good to see that, in a cynical age, some people still have a sense of romantic idealism. Keep...

Writing Feedbackic3 - Feb 26, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 6, 2009
Help with a letter (Joe Lawry)

3 - The numbering of your comparisons at the start of your essay seems a bit odd, too. Really, why wouldn't...

Writing Feedbackrandysnyc - Feb 21, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 6, 2009
Taking courses of more than one subject prepare students for a broad spectrum of careers

7 - Also, you could add that exposure to a wide variety of topics develops certain general learning skills that make...

Writing Feedbackcici510988 - Feb 20, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 6, 2009
Narrative Essay, any subject ("jobless rates in America")

3 - I spend so much time telling people what is wrong with their writing that it is nice to come...

Writing Feedbackakern - Feb 22, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 5, 2009

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