Writing Feedback / Summary TED's : art make unusual stuff [4]

HI Adi..
this is one of the good summaries because I get the information clearly. However, I am going to give you a few of suggestion to develop the better summary.

Please, read the notes below.

Alexa Meade talks TALKED about your biological OF A MAN is her canvas , due to the fact ...
She painted it immediately (...) to make a portrait, painting it on a real object, to . THE ARTIST makeS it apparent with a two-dimensional painting, and it is able to photograph it from any angle (IT IS SO LONG. IT WILL MAKE THE READER CONFUSED) . Actually, the portrait does DID not need ...

She has so much fun HAD GOT JOY with this process, . usually, she ALEXA has the idea of creating ...

Note: Adi, you sometimes write some words for some time. It seems repetitive. Following that, be careful of the complex sentence. Perhaps, the readers realize that you have the high skill of the grammar, it can make the readers confused. You should reread your summary, so you know whether it does not make them misconceive.

OVERALL, IT IS A GOOD JOB

Writing Feedback / Summary an Article Best Trails to People Who Do Not Like Hiking [2]

Hi Farida.
I appreciate your effort because you wanna provide your time to improve your English. Let me give you suggestions to develop this.

because it takes much times and AN extra effort also dangerous on the way up.
That is why right now many A LARGE NUMBER OF people look for (...) do not need to spent SPEND much time but can ...
This is THESE ARE 10 best places to FOR people who like THE short hikes.
... Rifugio Bonatti, Italy, . it is only 11.3 km, and people THOSE (THOSE CAN BE USED AS PEOPLE) can enjoy Mount ...
... Island Peak, Nepal, WHERE people need to walk 56 to 65 km to reach A Himalayan peak.
... National Park, New Zealand also THE great destination to go ...

Note: You still fall down some same errors. First, you have strayed the use of the article. Following that, you always write some words repetitively (PEOPLE AND MANY). I do not know why I get bored when I read the last six sentences. It seemed like the list of the data. Please, you harness appropriate linking words, so the readers can find a sense of your summary.

keep spirit...
I am looking forward to meeting your summary..
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Writing Feedback / The road was by far the most popular of four means of transport; delivery goods by pipeline was rare [4]

Hi Jenlisa.
Welcome to Essay Forum.
I have read your writing closely. Actually, this is a good writing grammatically. However, let me help you finalising yours.
Please, you find my footnotes and deal with those.

The line graph compares the amount of goods STUFFS transported in four different types of transportation in the UK over a period of 28 years; FROM 1974 TO 2002(You have to mention the time clearly).

It is clear that the road was by far the most popular of four means ...
OVERALL, IT CAN BE SEEN THAT A DEMAND OF THE ROAD HAD DOMINATED A STATISTICS WHILE THERE HAD BEEN A RESERVE CONDITION IN THE RATE OF THE PIPELINE IN THE TIMELINE. IN ANY CASE, THE FIGURE OF THE WATER HAD SUCCESSFULLY SURPASSED THE POSITION OF THE RAIL.

(You should make your overview more impressive. Tha key of those ways is comparing the figures. If you do it, you are going to achieve the higher score)

Water and rail transportation were used at similar level, stood at ...
INITIALLY, BOTH FIGURES OF THE WATER AND THE RAIL ALMOST TOOK THE SAME PROPORTION AT APPROXIMATELY 40 MILLION TONNES. IN CONTRAST WITH THAT CIRCUMSTANCE, THE LEVEL PIPELINE STATED ONE EIGHTH AS MUCH IN THE SAME YEAR. million tonnes.

Note: You should create the comparison of the figures in each paragraph, so you will achieve the satisfied score in this section. I believe you can master the writing if you wanna practice more and more.

Keep spirit
I am looking forward to reading your writing.
Happy Writing

Writing Feedback / TED talk: Non-violence struggle by Jamila Raqiib. [2]

Hi Fadhillah..
Please, you meet these corrections, and those make you sure to be better.

in the world. Wars and conflicts THOSE happened in many
Many A BUNCH OF people care about humanity, but they encourage THE wars around the world.
they cannot stop it only SOLELY by admonishing

Actually, most people did not used COMMIT non-violence action
As the result, it improves conflicts between AMONGST women, minorities, ...
... reduce misunderstanding among A community. Some techniques ARE used to end the problem without A battle, such as A protest WHICH can show what (...) make a change signicantly SIGNIFICANTLY.

THE Non-violence works by WITH dilapidating components, not physically,
Also BESIDES THAT, we denied resources of the power .
The non-violence activist discovered there are CONSISTS 198 methods for ...
For example, ONE OF EXAMPLE IS making protests by WITH extendED emblematic to social media.
It is not THE war, but it is a manner ...
... violence but making non-violence obsolutely ABSOLUTELY.

In my point of view, you have ...
... you still make misspelled words.

OVERALL, IT IS A GOOD EFFORT. KEEP SPIRIT..
HAPPY WRITING
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Writing Feedback / Why genetic research must be more diserve (Ted Talks by Keolu Fox) - Summary [2]

Hi Ashela..
Welcome to Essay Forum.
I am very keen on reading your writing. Actually, it is a good job since it is free of a large number of grammar errors. Nevertheless, there are some things which should be improved. Let me help you to develop your creation.

that aims to mapping and understanding about individual genome ..

Keolu Fox is a researcher who gets A interest to IN his project.

the indegenous INDIGENOUS people of Hawaii, was ...

Interestingly, the most of THE genetic research (...) 4% was done to non-European. Unfortunately, for indegenous INDIGENOUS

to control THE degenerative disease.

... type 2 but the samples was WERE abused to other research such us schizoprenia SCHIZOPHRENIA

make indegenous INDIGENOUS being

about A potential of the use and ...

... attention to conducting more diserve research DISEASE RESEARCHES

about genetic especially to non-European descent and indegenous INDIGENOUS to rich

information about A genetic code of our ancestor, do we? Then, it can be used for better life.

Note: I do not know exactly whether this can be categorized as the summary or not.You included much information in this writing, so it seemed heavy. In the next writing, you should write the summary which consists lees than 150 words.

Overall, it is a good summary.
I am looking forward to meet your writing.

Writing Feedback / Work or travel? The dilemma of adolescents after finishing third school and before beginning college [4]

Hi Halim.
I am delighted to meet this medium. I have read your writing closely. Let me help you to improve you writing skill. I will describe a few notes, I highly hope wanna meet its points and deal with those.

Halim, this is perhaps the first time for you in this section. Based on value indicators of the writing test, you made the huge error. This writing did not consist more than 250 words. trust me, you will get a penalty and your score will be reduced. On the other hand, I cannot get the point of your writing. Task responses of the writing ask you to describe the benefits and detrimental effects of that matter. However, you did not review that with clear data or you write words not relevant to your mind. For example, ".... is teenager could survive to know about the University to be...". What do you mean "survive'? I am sure that it did not relate to this circumstance. As part of those, you need to learn the way to explain your idea clearly in the writing task 2. I did not found a sense in this writing. Actually, you should harness linking words appropriately, so you did not jump from the topic to another topic. Not only you have to sharpen that, but you should understand to arrange the supporting sentences. It is essential in the writing because those will develop your idea.

Turning to the introduction and conclusion paragraph, you should mention the advantages and disadvantages which you generate. Those will give the first glance about substance in your idea. Following that, you should remember that each good paragraph should have more than 2 sentences.

Overall, I appreciate your effort because you wanna try writing. I really believe you are going to master this section if you wanna try again and again. When you provide much time to practice more, the better progress will attend in your process. Keep spirit and enjoy your process.

Happy writing
-----------------

Writing Feedback / Writing IELTS: Children with Obesity (Cause and Effect) [3]

Hi Ilham..
Welcome to Essay Forum.
I am pleased to read your writing since this is free of a large number of the grammar errors, except the use of the article (For example; playing A computer game). Besides that, you harnessed varied words to describe your mind. However, let me help you finalizing this writing so that you can get the higher score in this section.

Turning to the body paragraph, you did not have the strong sentences to support your opinion. Well, you gave the data of the study to encourage, but it is not detailed. I mean that you did not mention where and when the study is conducted. All of your examples seemed the fake information. On condition that it happens in the real test, you cannot get the score more than 6.

On the other hand, your data was not relevant to your opinion
You said thatchildren with obesity are at increased risk of acute and chronic medical problems for instance diabetes mellitus, heart disease, cholesterol, and other chronic illnesses. In addition, childhood obesity also has psychosocial consequences such as low self-esteem and depression.

However, your data is about the similar life of obesity children.

I hope you are going to sharpen your opinion next time.
OVERALL, IT IS A GOOD JOB

Writing Feedback / Fighting for Aleppo, who is the target? [2]

Hi Yusuf.
Welcome to Essay Forum.
You have been the right medium to improve your writing.

If it comes to the grammar, you have passed that well. I think you have mastered the basic grammar. However, you still need improvement for arranging the good paragraph. One of the key rules is that each paragraph should consist more than 2 sentences. You let it through. On the other hand, because you separate the essential information which actually are unity, readers will be confused and do not get the point of your summary. I mean that this jumps from a topic to another topic whereas this writing needs a sense. You do not forget that harnessing the appropriate linking words is the power of the coherence.

I suggest you to read more examples of the summary. Following that, I believe that you will master writing the summary on condition that you practice again and again.

Keep spirit dude.
Happy writing

Writing Feedback / ARTICLE SUMMARY : UNTOLD STORY BEHIND CHILDREN's TALE "The Little Prince" [2]

Hi Atikah, your writing is a good job. You passed the major errors. Let me help you to finalize this.
a curious child, who HAD traveled different
However, just A few individuals (You should know difference of A FEW and FEW).
It was in the middle of 1930, when he was
AfterwardS, Exupery became a THE famous person as his book ...

A Few years later, in the 1944, Exupery passed away when he rode THE plane, working on war investigation.
NOTE:
A few means that not too large but not too small.
e.g., I have a few cars. - This means that 2 or 3 cars are enough for me.

Few means insignificantly small number.
e.g., I have few cars. - This means that 2 or 3 cars that I have are not still enough, I need more cars.

I hope you can write like this or better.
You have to raise frequent of your practice.
Happy Writing.
------------------

Writing Feedback / Mystery of déjŕ vu explained - it's how we check our memories [4]

Azmi, your summary is a good job since I have points of this article after I read your writing. On the other hand, let me help you to improve your summary. Please, you meet my footnotes.

... long run mystery due to the sudden vanish phenomenon that is caused by false calls memories of brain A PHONEMENON VANISHING SUDDENLY. IT IS CAUSED BY FALSE CALLS MEMORIES OF A BRAIN.

... a new method to trigger THE déjŕ vu in A lab despite of the disagreement on the first speculation.
Hippocampus which is a part of brain related S to THE memories...
In fact, the frontal sections was ARE the main actor regarding A probability of transmitting signal, (...) or called memory error was occurED.
O' Connor said that those people who have a healthy head (...) experience no déjŕ vu at all, because if there is noT A trigger to conflict THE memory system, there will be noT THE déjŕ vu,but HOWEVER, he cannot COULD NOT explain it by data yet.

... more common in teenagers besides the reduced working of AND CAN REDUCE THE memory checking system WORKING through ageing.

Note: Sometimes you create the complex sentence but not pay attention to the density of your sentence. It is important to make your sentence varied. However, do not make it heavy to be read. In addition, you should not fall the same mistake, use of the article. Please, you deal with them in the next writing.

I really believe you are going to show the better creation. You only need practice more and more.
HAPPY WRITING
-----------------------

Writing Feedback / TED talks: Could we cure HIV with lasers? [3]

Hi Mahdi.
You show the better progress in the writing skill since you reduce your mistakes of the grammar. Let me help you ti improve your writing.

Please, meet my notes and pay attention to maintaining your structure.

Nowadays, if we suffer A headache, we swallow A pill of aspirin. Swallowing THE pill is the most (...) medication in THE body. However, there is A big problem in HIV patient.

It can make blood to become dilute (SUBJECT + MAKE + NOUN + ADJECTIVE. IT DOES NOT NEED "BECOME"), WHICH experts usually call it "drug dilution".

Fortunately, there is THE latest technology (THIS IS SUPERLATIVE, DO NOT FORGET TO ADD "THE") that we can deliver anti-HIV ...
Such FOR INSTANCE, a breakthrough technology has been ...
cells to deliver THE drug. Although now it is still testing TESTED in test tubes, but the final goal is applying to THE human body. In the future, such a technology can ...

Note:
You have let through the use of the article (A/An/The). In fact, whereas it is one of the minor errors, it will give a contribution to your score. You should read your writing before you upload because there are some meanings which make readers confused. You should arrange the sentences to be better.

Actually, you will need much time to write in the first week. However, you will master that in more and more days. You struggle and tackle your problems.Trust me, you will be competence in this writing skill if you have a strong desire to practice every day.

The secret key is practicing more and more.

Writing Feedback / Uses of Leisure Time - the best way to rejuvenate body and mind is to spend time in nature [3]

Hi Terminal.
Welcome to Essay Studio being one of the useful websites. I have read your writing closely and found the error.
I really hope that you find my footnotes and deal with those.

NOTE
I really appreciate your writing since you wanna write the summary to improve your English. However, you have to learn more because you need improvement in your writing skills. One of your big problems is misspelling. I think you can read more times before it is uploaded to minimize your errors. Following that, you have to place the article when you write countable nouns.

I personally believe that you show the better progress in this section if you practice writing again and again.
Happy writing..

Writing Feedback / Athletes vs Focus - it fills entire zone of sign is vague. Peripheral vision in sport - summary [3]

Hi Saitama....
Welcome to Essay Studio.
I am delighted to tell you that you have been the right way to enhance your ability. For some minutes, I have read your writing closely. There are some of minor and major errors. I hope you find and follow my notes to deal with those.

Athlete must be have SHOULD HAVE focus to do well their job WELL.
... your entire zone of A sign is vague, simply obscure ...
IT Is imperative to pay (...) where we need to focused in FOCUS ON (YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT ON IS THE COLLOCATION OF FOCUS) our vision. An athlete's execution upon preparing visual capacities (WHERE IS YOUR MAIN VERB?. EACH SENTENCE HAS TO CONSIST OF SUBJECT AND MAIN VERB). The athlete's requeres quick checking with THE visual focus ON changing quickly ... (This is really messy) THE ATHLETE QUICKLY REQUIRES CHECKING WITH THE VISUAL WHICH FOCUSES ON CHANGING AMONGST DIFFERENT SEPARATIONS . Following THE quick object is frequently compliated COMPLICATED, the head movement must organize with THE eye to help with equalization. There are many disorders that can visual sharpness decrease A DECREASE SHARPLY like differentiating (...) lighting WHICH will help THE athlete to focus. As the eyes move all through focus, there is an obscure between every delay (WHAT DO YOU MEAN ABOUT THIS SENTENCE?. I HAVE NOT GOT THE POINT). This is when visual following mistakes can happen. the anticipation is found out and honed craftsmanship, from numerous points of view (REWRITE THIS SENTENCE SINCE IT MAKE READER CONFUSED). The reckoning WHICH is learned then doing practiced, will serve the athlete well.

Note: I appreciate your writing because you wanna begin writing. However, you have to strive because you need improvement in your writing skills. The readers will be confused when they read some sentence of your writing as the meanings are gained. You create the complex sentence, but it is not arranged well. You forgot to place the conjunction whereas it is essential. One of the major mistakes is misspelling. I think you can read more times before it is uploaded to minimize your errors.

I really believe that you will be competence in this section if you wanna struggle practicing more and more.
happy writing..
-----------------

Writing Feedback / An info - how long it took to go arround the city before and after the transport was improved [2]

Hi Atikah..
In this writing, you have presented the big problem. You will get a penalty for your score when you conduct the test. It is because you write less than 150 words. Please, you strive and fight your obstacle. I hope you do not commit the same matter.

The graph shows how long it took to go arround AROUND the city before and after ...
ON THE OTHER HAND, (YOU NEED A TRANSITIVE WORD SO THAT YOUR TOPIC DOES NOT JUMP DIRECTLY) The bar chart tell DISPLAYS how much it costs to use different typeS of the transport ...

Taxi was IS the fastest vehicle ...
ONE The other hand, THE tram took less tim TIME than THE bus journey (...) but after the improvement DEVELOPING it turned out six minutes different . THE Tram still served faster than before.

... it was around 0.40 poundS sterling so that it made (...) very useful for backpacker A TOURIST who needed cheaper accommodation. The other alternative for rambler was IS THE tram, (...) cheaper than THE taxi, although higher than THE bus.

Note:
If This writing is measured, you will get the low score. I have found a large number of mistakes grammatically. However, I personally believe you only need more time to practice. You have to strive to achieve the task respond of writing indicators. Besides that, you should review my suggestions previously as you fall the same problem. I will underline the lessons which you should learn.

1. Verb Agreement
2. Use of the article (A/ An/The)
3. Harnessing the transitive words.
4 Comparing the figures of the writing task 1
5. Determining the general trend written in the first paragraph.

In fact, you will need much time to write in the first week. However, you will master that in more and more days. You struggle and deal with your problems.Trust me, you will be competence in this skill if you have a strong desire to practice every day.

Keep spirit.
^_^

Writing Feedback / Travelling to Work in Houston and the most popular choice of transportation - IELTS Task 1 [2]

Hi Farida.
Let me help you. We will establish the good writing together. Please, you meet my footnote and tackle those.

The table explains about the kindS of transport (...) to work and and the bar charts shows how much (...) form of THE transport.
Overall, the most common vehicle is cars with only one person and it causes more pollution than combination of other vehicles.
(You only describe the data. I hope you can conduct improvisation with engaging the meaning of the data. Pay attention to my example below)

OVERALL, IT CAN BE SEEN OBVIOUSLY THAT CITIZEN IN HOUSTON TENDS TO DRIVE AN AUTOMOBILE NOT ENGAGING OTHER PASSENGERS WHEREAS ITS POLLUTION SUPPLIES THE HIGHEST PROPORTION. IN ANY CASE, WHILE THE YOUNGEST PEOPLE OF CATEGORIES PREFER USING A CYCLE OR WALK, A TRAIN OR BUS SUCCESSFULLY GAINS ATTENTION OF THE CITIZENS AGED AVERAGE 47 YEARS.

... the most popular means of transport IN THIS CIRCUMSTANCE is THE car at 48 per cent while THE cycle or walk is the least common transport at 4 per cent ONE TWELVETH AS MUCH (Make it more varied, be not rigid). THE Car with one person outnumbering THE train OR bus by 5 per cent. THE Car with more than.

The vehicle which causeS the most pollution is THE car with driver only ...
THE Car with 3 pasangers PASSENGERS has lower CO2 emission....

Note: Please, You pay attention to my improvements given previously. In fact, you show some of the same mistakes. First of all, you learn about locating the article. You have to remember that Countable Noun must have the article (A/An/The). It is the minor error, but your score will be influenced. After that, each paragraph should have more than 2 sentences. Lastly, you must find the sense of the writing task 1. It is how you can compare amongst the figures.

I believe you can show the better progress the next term.
I advise you should read more examples of the writing so that you can find the sense of writing flow.
Keep spirit
Happy writing.

Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1: Summaries of the dissimilar time before and after expansion and it cost in traveling [2]

Hi Hikuma.
I am always curious to read your writing. In a couple of days, you show the better progress. However, I will give you suggestions about the essential grammar in the writing task 1. Let me explain that.

There are two PIECES OF information shared IN the table and the bar chart.
The table explained EXPLAINS about the different time before and after improvements made to OF the transport network, while the bar chart told DISPLAYS (You should utilize the simple present as you show the fact.)

The table presents GIVES THE KEY POINT that the fastest way to journey before improvement was A taxi.
It took TAKES nine minutes.
Different with THE taxi, THE TIME SPENT BY the tram was is reduced 6 minutes
There were ARE two forms
Note: I do not exactly know why you have not attached the picture. In the next term, you have to pay attention. I think you should harness the simple present since you review abut the fact data. Following that, I know that abusing the article (a/an/the) is the minor error, but it will affect your score. One of the essential factors is to include the language of the comparison. I did not sense the impressive information because it seemed listing the data.

I suggest you to read more examples of the writing task 1 so that you can get the primary point for measurement indicator of the writing.

Practice is the key to improve your English.
Practice more and more.
--------------------------------

Writing Feedback / Dealing with people is the most essential skills according to choices of 60% respondents in 1997 [2]

Hi Daya.
Welcome to EF. Fortunately, you have been the right way to improve your writing.
Let me help you to finalize your information in this writing. I hope you can follow notes which I create especially for you.

This table shows us the result of two surveys in TWO DISTINCT YEARS; 1997 and 2006. Those surveys conducted DESCRIBE the percentage of which communication skills were (Actually this is written 'WHICH WERE", BUT I OMITTED THAT) essential in their (REFERS TO..?????)job. The communication itself consist of two main different types; external and internal (within company) WHICH HAS INCLUDED ELEMENTS OF A COMPANY. Therefore, THE external communication skills are more likely TO reached THE higher ...

Dealing with peoples is the most essential skills according..
The percentages went up by 5% in THE latest year.
... or service was gone down from 24% to 21% IN THIS PERIOD.
has rose RISEN by 9% from THE previous survey as well.

Note:
This is a good job for the first meeting. However, you pay attention to some rules in the writing. You have to understand about placing the article (A/An/The). It is important although that is only the minor error. Following that, you should sometimes conduct OMITTING or REDUCING in your sentence. Those will make your complex sentences light to be read. One of the key powers in the writing task 1 is a comparison of the figures. Your writing does not seem impressive since it lacks the comparisons. Trust me, if you wanna achieve the higher score, you must do it.

I really believe that you will show the better progress the next time. You need to practice more and more.
Keep spirit. happy writing.

Writing Feedback / TED Talks : Track Your Happiness; Want to be Happier? Stay in the Moment. [2]

Hi Dinar.
Let me help you again. I hope these will improve your grammar when you create the writing in the next step.
You should make you sure that you have met these footnotes.

In instant FIRST GLANCE, we will (...) or person, and then started (YOU SHOULD BE CONSISTENT FOR USE OF THE TENSE) to think about our self,

However, it becomes a paradox, when individuals get what they want, . (IT IS SO HEAVY TO BE READ. YOU NEED TO WRITE THE SIGN OF FULL STOP, NOT COMMA)

it doesn't DOES NOT ( NEVER EVER EVER COMMIT CONSTACTIONS AT THE FORMAL WRITING) mean that
Using scientific methods and demografic, BY the scientists experimentwhat is the big
... gender, and marriage, . but NEVERTHELESS, if talking about general is contents
can help citizens TO trail their cheerfulness
There are three stepS to make this app works.

Note: I appreciate your writing. You have shown the better progress. However, you should pay attention to contents of your writing and the grammar. I think you might get pleasure when you write the sentence. You have sometimes written the heavy paragraph. I hope you read more to get the point of your summary. In some moments, you write the sign of full stop, but the comma is used there. Following that, you do not cause to be present the CONTRACTIONS in your summary.

I believe that you will show the positive progress immediately.
Practice more and more.
--------------------------------

Writing Feedback / Summary Article : Selfish Dogs Would Rather play with a Toy than help a Human [2]

Hi Farida..
I have still found the grammar errors in your writing. These are my corrections to finalise the better result. You have to pay attention to the grammar because it takes a position at the criteria of the high score. You should meet these improvements.

Many people says that A dogs are the best friend for human. In the reality, many A LARGE NUMBER / PLENTY / A WIDE RANGE OF (You should not write "Many" frequently) dogs are more selfish. THE Dogs prefer to play with their toys than to help THE human or they do not understand the request from THE human. To find out about this thing, Piotti and Juliane Kaminski doing CONDUCTED a research with 24 samples in the lab. they put staplers STAPLES. As the result, THE dog playS often with their toy RATHER than the notebook

Note: Honestly, you should locate more time to read your summary. I have found a sense of your writing. Your flow cannot engage to get the point of your summary. I suggest you harness the linking words appropriately. After that, you concentrate use of the article. It is a grammar basic so that you can pass that. This summary contains a bit of repetitive (Frequently use MANY). Be careful of miss-spelling.

I believe that you will show your better efforts the next writing..
I am looking forward to meeting your writing.

Writing Feedback / Summary an article III: First wearable brain scanner to probe people with amazing gifts [2]

Hi Fadhylah.
I am delighted to read your writing.
In my perspective, you have shown the better progress.
I believe you will give better the next writing.
overall, it is a good job.

is an instrument to reads (VERB AGREEMENT) brain processes
Although, it allowS in the brain of the average people. But , it helps the researchers .. (Although S V, S V)--- S; Subject V; verb

PET scanner followS by radioactive tracer, and ...
When the molecule in the cells useS for vigor. , The scanner WILL establish THE 3D picture in our body, chiefly in ON the brain's part that working (You should use comma-- When SV, SV)

Although the scanner workS by radioactive, but it uses in tiny doses.
that they didn't DID NOT (DO NOT CONSTACTIONS IN THE FORMAL WRITING)know.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 Cambridge 8 : The Benefits And Drawbacks of Youth People Who Postpone Their Education [2]

Hi Farida.
I am delighted to read your writing.
Actually, this is a good job.
I will give you some suggestions to establish your writing becoming better.
First of all, you should mention advantage and disadvantage of that matter at the introduction paragraph although you will explain the body paragraph. It is described with the key words.For example, valuable experience is one of positive aspects gained although the others will start study early.

At the first body paragraph, you have not explained systematically. You should review the experience which you mean. However, you make a sentence out of the topic"Experience also makeS people become wiser, more patient and more respectful to others" . I think you should look for the scientific fact to support your opinion. After that, you excerpt like this "Based on the article at TheTime's magazine, the youth .......

In fact, the second body also has the same mistakes like the first.
Turning to the conclusion paragraph, you should include your suggestions for some elements that can offer the benefits.

Let us practice again and again..
more and more..

Writing Feedback / Analisys of the chart - transport used by visitors during travel in New Zealand [2]

Hi Ashela..
Welcome to Essay Forum.
I will give you the alternative sentences. You can learn it so that your writing does not seem rigid.

The chart shows the vehicles used by visitors during travel in New Zealand INTERNATIONAL TOURISTS HAVE A TENDENCY TO DRIVE THE CAR WHEN THEY CONDUCT A TRIP TO NEW ZEALAND, REPRESENTING AT APPROXIMATELY 70% OF TOTAL. The most popular transport is using car which the percentage is almost 70 percent. MEANWHILE, Plane and coach are the next favourite vehicles which have nearly THE SAME POSITION LESS THAN A HALF AS MUCH .

... 20 percent and least of all is using THE boat, with the percentage is 5 percent.

Note: You have to have the bravery to compare amongst the figures if you wanna reach the higher score.

Writing Feedback / The death rate is projected to incline and reach over 0.7 percent in Scotland from 2016 to 2020 [2]

Hi Ramzi...
I am very keen on reading this writing.
I will give you a few suggestions to improve your writing..

of demographic trends CIRCUMSTANCES in Scotland between 1940 and 2020. Generally speaking IN FIRST GLANCE, THE birth rate dominated as (...) to the present. Though FURTHERMORE, WHILE all rates..

Note: You should use comparative sentences in your writing so that you can acquire the higher score.

At the beginning INITIALLY, birth percentage stood at ....
It was true since they experienced decline fluctuation to below LESS THAN 0.8%. the moderate plungeD to 0.4 percent, and ...

2016 to 2020 witnesses the flip over trend for A REVERSE POSITION BETWEEN birth and death rate.

Note: In my vantage point, your writing is good. You use grammar well. I suggest you should transitive words appropriately so that your flow in this writing is better.

I really you can reach the higher point. You only need much time to practice more and more...
I am looking forward to meeting the next writing.
Happy Writing..

Writing Feedback / The number of people with higher education level who planned to leave Bulgaria increased every year [2]

Hi Intan.
These are my correction to improve your score.
The vertical bar chart describes the percentages of three different levels of Bulgaran BULGARIAN people's education who wanted travel ...

THE ALTERNATIVE SENTENCE: THE VERTICAL BAR CHART SHOWS THE PERCENTAGE OF BULGARIAN WHO WILL TRAVEL TO ANOTHER COUNTRY, BASED ON DEGREES OF EDUCATION IN THREE DISTINCT YEARS; 2002, 2006, AND 2008. OVERALL, IT IS SEEN THAT STUDENT OF SECONDARY SCHOOLS WAS LIKELY TO CONTINUE THEIR FUTURE PLAN ABROAD. MOREOVER, THERE WAS A SIGNIFICANT INCREASE IN INTEREST OF THE STUDENTS IN A SAME CASE FOR THE PRIMARY AND LOWER EDUCATION, WHILE THE HIGHER EDUCATION EXPERIENCED A FLUCTUATION IN THIS TIMEFRAME.

Note:
I am delighted to tell you that you have got the point for writing a good structure. You have included the paraphrase, overview, and body paragraph. However, you need bravery to compare figures of the data. You have seemed safe play. On condition that you wanna escalate your score, you have to compare those. Be careful for miss-spelling. There are some words which misspell. One of the essential factors is grouping. You need it to create the good flow in your writing. For example, in the first body paragraph, you explain about a comparison of secondary and primary education because those have the reverse trend. However, you only describe the data in 2002 and 2008. After that, you illustrate secondary schools at the second body paragraph, compared with the other figures in 2006.

If you wanna get the high score, your writing must be impressive.
.I really believe you can conduct that..
Practice again and again..

Writing Feedback / In 2005, there were 27 million homes in United Kingdom, and most of them in private hands [2]

Hi Mahdi..
I have read your writing closely. Your creation is good, but it needs development. I hope you follow these instructions.
I personally believe you will show the impressive progress if you practice more and more.

The proportion of housing owned and rented in the UK ...
THE PIE CHARTS REVEAL A COMPARISON OF HOUSING OWNERSHIP IN THE UNITED KINGDOM FOR TWO DIFFERENT YEARS; 1985 AND 2005. OVERALL, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT WHILE THE PERCENTAGE OF PRIVATE AND SOCIAL HOUSES WITNESSED A MARKED GROWTH, OTHER FIGURES SHOWED A REVERSE TREND IN TIMELINE. IN ANY CASE, THERE HAD INCREASED IN THE NUMBERS OF RESIDENCES.

In 2005, there were 27 million homes which most of them are privately owned. However, both of privately owned and council rented contributed significantly in 1985.
Note: You still try to paraphrase your statement. Actually, you can change from an active to a passive sentence. However, you should use other words so that you can get the high score for the lexical resource. Following that, you need improving for the overview of the figures. You create the unique overview, but it is not explained detailed. Do not include the number. On the other hand, you should utilize transitive words appropriately.

While privately rented co ntributed as same as council rented, there was only small percentage SOLELY that showed in social housing(It's good since you compare the figures).

However MEANWHILE, there was a slight (...) from social ho using. - BE CAREFUL FOR MISS SPELLING.

Writing Feedback / Most visitors who go to New Zealand like to use car as transportation, at more than sixty percent. [2]

Hi Atikah..
I cannot help you to give the suggestion as you have not attached the picture. I hope you include that the nest meeting.

Most visitors who go to New Zealand like to use car as transportation TOURISTS PREFER TO HARNES THE CAR WHEN THEY GO TO NEW ZEALANN, at REPRESENTING more than sixty percent. THE Car and coach become STATE THE POSITION second commonest transportation are used the same am ount more than thirty percent (YOU USE THE SAME STYLE TO SHOW MEASUREMENTS. It seems RIGID). The percentage of train is the second lowest at twenty percent (You should describe the figure variously).

Well, we can see from the chart that holiday maker loved to visit New Zealand using public transportation.(YOU SHOULD COMPARE AMONGS THE FIGURES IF YOU WANNA GET THE HIGH SCORE.)

Please, you read many examples of writing task 1 so you can meet the change language.

Writing Feedback / Demographic trend in Scotland measured in proportion of birth rate, population growth and death rate [2]

A change of Demographic trendS in Scotland is illustrated in the line graph in aN 8-decade period from 1940 to 2020 by measured in proportion of birth rate, population growth rate and death rate. RATES OF A BIRTH PROPORTION, A POPULATION GROWTH, AND DEATH. (I Suggest you shpuld include the overview sentence in the first paragraph beacuse you will fight time. I am afraid that your time is running out, but you do not write the overview. It will reduce your score)

... birth rate was stood at 2.5%, which was (Use Omitting) the high of the proportion ...

Note:
It is good writing grammatically. However, this writing cannot get the score more than 6 since you write safely. I mean that you have only described data like listing. You need a bravery to compare amongs figures. For example,INITIALLY, WHILE THE PERCENTAGE OF THE POPULATION GROWTH IN SCOTLAND WAS LESS THAN 1%, THE FIGURE OF THE BIRTH SAW ALMOST THREE TIMES AS MUCH.

I believe your ability will increase gradualy if you wanna practice and read examples of writing task 1.
practice more and more...
happy writing...

Writing Feedback / Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Has Already Sold 4 Million Copies [2]

Hi Muhammad..
I am delighted to read your writing. However, I will give you a few suggestions to enhance your writing.
I really hope you can meet these instructions.

... of Harry Potter in late July, WHICH titled "Harry Potter and ...
... "Harry Potter and the Deadly Hallows", but by any measure, a massive NUMBER number (MANY/ A LARGE NUMBER OF / PLENTY OF / A CONSIDERABLE NUMBER OF) of people were HAVE likeD and bought this book. It WAS sold in more that 4 million copies AND just only take about 10 days after it released. It THE BOOK IS sold in United States of ... (YOU HARNESS PRONOUN "IT" MANY TIMES)

3.3 million copies has BEEN sold in hardcover in U.S. and Canada (THIS IS ABOUT DIFFERENCE OF ACTIVE AND PASSIVE VERB). Also ON THE ONE HAND, U.K. virtually reached 850,000 copies WHICH has BEEN sold in the market, But they said that ...

... many fans of J.K. Rowling's books haven't HAVE NOT (DO NOT UTILIZE CONTRACTIONS) read this novel book. But HOWEVER, there was a lot of number PLENTY of people who made the ...

Based on AN ARTICLE OF time.com, Megan Mc Clusley ...

Note: You should write the transitive words appropriately so your writing is better..

Writing Feedback / Time : Rainbow cake mountains show stunning slices of colour [2]

Hi Mahdi..
I have read your writing closely. In my vantage point, you need to improve your English more and more.
I hope you can follow these instructions.

There is an alien-like phenomena PHENOMENON (YOU SHOULD BE CAREFUL TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN SINGULAR AND PLURAL) in China's Zhangye Danxia Landform Geological Park. Such phenomena, which is THE PHENOMENON located in Gansu Province, is colourful A MAJESTIC mountain that consists of many parts of colour. Since of such a fact IN FACT, society often callS it as THE rainbow mountains.

Such a view occurred since water and oxygen contacting with iron, minerals, and others ...
In the past, THE sediment transformed into rock. Then FOLLOWING THAT, tectonic forces made rock moved and formed A unique structure as we saw LIKE today. Such THE forces are same as ...

Note:
1. You should check your words in The Dictionary whether SINGULAR OR PLURAL
2. Pay attention to THE VERB AGREEMENT
3. Use of article.
4. You should harness transitive words appropriately.

Practice more and more, You will show better progress.

Writing Feedback / The best kindergarten by Takaharu tekuza, ted talks [2]

Takaharu Tezuka is one of the architects who design this A kindergarten in Tokyo, in 2007. That is a cylcle CYCLE (BE CAREFUL FOR MISS SPELLING) unique building with a large playing roof. This building CONSTRUCTION (You practice to use synonym) is only 5 metres tall IN HEIGHT.

Mr. Tezuka believes that five years old children AGED 10 YEARS want to HAVE more and more time to play. Therefore, this kindergarten is desinged DESIGNED with a handrail and a net sticking ...

he doesn't DOES NOT (NEVER EVER EVER USE CONTRACTIONS IN THE FORMAL WRITING) want any hiding ...

Hence, (DO NOT FORGET TO PLACE COMMA) this is a place where there are ...
This is also a place with few posibilities POSSIBILITIES of dangerous because children needs some injures EXPERIENCES SUCH INJURY to learn how to survive in their live LIFE and to help each other.

Note: 1. You make the same mistakes---- MISS SPELLING
2. Do not harness CONTRACTIONS.
3. Placing comma.
4. The meaning of your article

It does not matter if you make mistakes since this moment is to learn. I believe you can improve your ability on condition that you provide much time to practice again and again..

Good Luck...
Happy Writing...
^_^

Writing Feedback / Most people use a private transport to enjoy their vacation in New Zealand [4]

Hi Eka..
I apologize for you since I can give you a large number of comments. You should attach the picture. However, I will try to dissect your wiritng grammatically.

The provided bar chart showS what transportS chosen by visitors while to visit New Zealand. OVERALL, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT The highest level of visitors IS use OF carS. ON THE OTHER HAND, the second choices are plane ...

However, there are the same rateS for the visitors who use ...

Note: You need to improve your writing greatly. I have found plenty of grammar mistakes. First of all, you should get the point that each sentence only has the main verb. You sometimes forgot to place the verb in the sentence. Following that, you should harness conjunction suitably. On the one hand, your flow is not good. I think you have to locate transitive words appropriately.

I really believe that you have the competence in English. You acquire to practice more and more...
I have been waiting your writing the next meeting in this website..
Happy writing...

Writing Feedback / TED summary : The Female Body - Perfect by Leeann Schudel [2]

Hi Mekar.
I think your writing is not bad. I have only found a few minor errors. You only pay attention to verb agreement.
You need to practice more and more

The image of A perfect body that having a BEAUTIFUL stick-thin is beautiful has been affecting people's life, especially for women.
... there is one in OF three women that strive and sacrifice ...
This situation DOES not only influences the old people but also young people.
... impossible beauty and freak in shape in reality A REAL SHAPE are introduced during their childhood.
... expectations and receive ourselves for who we are totally.

Good Job...
^_^

Writing Feedback / Summary out of an article: Sports help heal in the darkest of times [2]

Hi Arief..
Welcome to Essay Forum. It is your loss on condition that you do not harness this medium.
I have read your summary closely and found a few errors. I hope you can follow these instructions.

The bombing attack RAID which happened in Boston Marathon ...
The grief and the hatred are something have HAD in common among people ...
the WHOLE world / THE first time / THE heinous attack.
The sport are IS A part of American tradition and it has been helping out people to create A tough character ...
The aftermath of that THEREFORE, THE attack will forever be remembered FOREVER and always (...) single part, BUT the healing actually does ...

PAY ATTENTION TO VERB AGREEMENT, TRANSITIVE WORDS, FLOW, AND MEANING OF THE ARTICLE.

I really believe that you can improve your writing if you have a strong desire to practice more and more
HAPPY WRITING

Writing Feedback / Want to Lose Weight? Try Counting Calories [2]

Hi Sestria..
I am delighted to read your writing. However, I think you need improving.
I hope you can follow my instruction the next writing.

A number of calories that we eat eaten is important, over than one billion adults are obesity(This sentence is not coherent. Be careful to create a sentence) . The World Health Organization said STATED that overweight is a global epidemic. Government RESEARCHERS (YOU CANNOT ALTER MEANING OF THE ARTICLE) reported that amount of obesity has not rose RISEN (PAST PERFECT) in recent years, but the worse FACTOR is THAT they have not go WENTdown either.

People still HAVE argueD about diet plans to losing LOSE their weight.
... in Louisiana wanted to know if THE protein in food affectS weight gain. MaintainING a healthy weight is about ...
Increasing THE amount of fruits, vegetables, ...

NOTE:
Make sure that you use verb agreement appropriately.
You should read your writing again before you upload since you sometimes lose meaning of the article..

Practice more and more..
Happy Writing

Writing Feedback / A Social Network Aims to Speed Up Progress in Science [2]

Hi Sestria..
Welcome to Essay Forum. Fortunately, you can improve your writing here.
I have read your creation closely. In my point of view, you need to practice again and again. I will give you a few notes to enhance your ability

... an experiment about A scientific network to (...) and spread the information. ResearchGate site aimS to make scientists more productive. People can access ResearchGate and they can find out about what other ...

So far Consequently, over four million people ...

... at Boston University was users and she is ALSO A doctoral adviser also . she likeS to follow other researchers and joinS into group pages ...
Previously, she is HAS BEEN using Facebook, but she said that all of people which WHO USE using Facebook never discuss about THE science.
Ijad Madisch as A founder of ResearchGate said that his site will BE merely worthed if scientistS use it to help each otherS. But HOWEVER, not for all users liked with it.

NOTE: First of all, you should pay attention to the use of verb agreement. You sometimes forgot changes of the verb. Following that, you should beautify your flow in your writing. I suggest you learn about transitive words.Last, Be careful to harness article (a/an/the)

I personally believe you will show better progress the next step.
Happy Writing.

Writing Feedback / TED Video by Negin Farsad: Taxonomy of Haters [2]

Hi Fadhillah..
I am going to give you a few suggestions.

Much MANY social problems in America (YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO DISTINGUISH COUNTABLE AND UNCOUNTABLE NOUN). for example nature, waffle and healthy. And, there are three categories of American inhabitants that is ARE 90 percent is Wonderful ...

Wonderful people is WHO ARE kind of citizen has polite, good personality, friendly, etc.Florida is the Florida citizens who live in US.
Haters has HAVE 7% from American inhabitants, but provide ...
It is a complex demographic problem, because they ignore what they are hate and the comedian createS the hater as ...

You still need to sharpen your knowledge about conjunction since have found that you have not used it appropriately, especially use of "AND".

NOTE: I have read your writing closely. In first glance, I have found that you have forgotten about the main verb. You sometimes use more than a verb, but you do not include conjunction or preposition. On the one hand, you should improve your flow. Readers become confused because you explain your material unsystematically. One of its ways is using transitive words appropriately.

I really believe that you can construct your paragraph better on condition that you have a strong desire to practice more and more.
Happy Writing...
^_^

Writing Feedback / Summary - Al-Gore New thinking on the climate crisis [2]

Hi Dipa..
Welcome to Essay Forum..
I have read your writing closely. There are some of errors grammatically. I will give you a few suggestion.I hope you practice again and gain.

Happy writing....

THIS SUMMARY IS Still about the Climate crisis. Al Gore said that the Environt mental (BE CAREFUL FOR MISS SPELLING) challenges fall into three categories: air pollution, water pollution, hazardous waste dumps and also the acid rain (WHAT DO YOU MEAN. WHY HAVE YOUD MENTIONED FOURS WHEREAS YOU HAVE STATED THAT IT HAS THREE CATEGORIES) . He said that we need a world wide global mobilization WIDELY IN THE WHOLE WORLD for renewable energy, conservation efficiency ...

He showS us that the last 28 years, (...) puts a lot of prea ssure on Greendland, The Lake Linier has dry and in fact, the green land of Bolivia on 1975 has changes to be a fullness city on 2003 (YOU SHOULD REWRITE THIS SENTENCE AS IT HAS MADE READERS CONFUSED. YOU CAN HARNESS CONJUNCTION) . We have a planet emergency and wehave to find a way in our generation a sense of generation mission on the great challenges to set aside the cause of distraction and rise to the challenge that the history is presenting to us (YOU REWRITE AGAIN. THIS SENTENCE IS REALLY MESSY).

... sense of profound joy. we have to safe SAVE (TO + V1) the human future.

NOTE: YOU PAY ATTENTION TO VERB AGREEMENT.

Writing Feedback / SUMMARY ARTICLE : Trump's Ideas for Economy, Will He Make America Great Again? [2]

Hi Atikah..
Welcome to Essay Forum
I have read your writing closely. I have found some of grammar mistakes. Following that, you still improve your flow when you wanna summarize the article. I need to harness transitive words appropriately. I really beliebe you can enhance your ability if you practice again and again. happy Writing.

It's very interesting, because I wanna make summary about Donald Trump THIS SECTION IS VERY INTERESTING SINCE IT EXPLAINS ABOUT DONALD TRUMP, ONE OF CANDIDATES OF THE AMERICA PRESIDENT. It's from The Economist website " Trump's Plan for the Economy : Scrimping on Sense BASED ON THE ECONOMIST WEBSITE, TRUMP HAS A PLAN FOR THE ECONOMY SECTOR IN USA. So, I hope you can give me good advises ADVICE and you can read the full article from the link I add below. Thanks!

As we know, Donald Trump is becoming a candidate from Republican Party.

His speech on August 8th was about AN economic strategy.
... explanation how he would reach AN economic growth. But, from his speech HOWEVER, he did not give a detail about ...
However FOLLOWING THAT, his big ideas are TO make a wall, decrease ...

The most unpleasant Trump's plan is how he definES trade policy. The contributor IS affraid AFRAID that the defend he used could ruin American economy like reduce REDUCING salary and get OBTAINING A little in return.

Scholarship / Human Resource Health data in Indonesia [2]

Hi Suko.
I have read your writing closely. I have found some mistakes.
This writing involves a large number of mis-spellings. Before you upload your essay, please you read again and again so that you could correct your essay better. After that, you did not utilize comma appropriately. Sometimes, you did not need the comma, but you wrote comma and reserve. You never ever use the contraction in formal writing (there's) because it is one of the big mistakes.

In addition, you should sharpen this with writing your strength in this study. Lastly, you should use various words so that the examiner knows that you have many of lexical resources for vocabularies.( Improve ---- enhance---- Develop)

Human Resources Health (HRH) data in Indonesia still needs to be improved, because the data ...
THE Health is an important factor to implement the development agenda suistanable SUSTAINABLE OF SDG'son IN 2030, primarily related ...
THE Health isue ISSUE begins from IS BEGUN BY the strengthening of primary health care facilities. Strengthening primary health careTHIS includes three things: ...
Strengthening THE health workers means to improveENHANCE both quality and quantity. Improving quality by improving DEVELOPING the quality of graduates and ...
In terms of quantity, by increasing the number of THE health workers ...
After further study, the actual number of health ...
But there's THERE IS a

I believe that you could enhance your skill in writing. You only sharpen your view with the support sentences.
Good Luck

Writing Feedback / Arts-based subjects should be considered in the curriculum to enhance their academic performance [2]

Hi Fudla..
Your writing is a good job.
However, I would give you suggestions to improve this. I found some of your mistakes

the crucial stage amidst OF all educational phases.
On account of this, some educationalists EDUCATORS argue
.Personally, I firmly agree with this statement thanks to pupils' brain-balancing and their broaden BROADENING horizon.(AFTER USING THANKS TO/ DUE TO/ BECAUSE OF/, YOU HAVE TO WRITE NOUN SO THAT VERB SHOULD BE CHANGED TO GERUND)

Arts-besed ART-BASED classes are be able to improve overall academic rate for OF the students OVERALL. (YOU SHOULD PLACE ADVERB APPROPRIATELY)

This is because these core competences is ARE not as difficult as the exam-based subjects like math, AND english, and so on .
They found that 87% OF THE NUMBER OF schoolS that applying this methode METHOD
than the preciding PRECEDING year. Thus clear that, such arts subjects can lead the overall rank TO become better.

job for the right hemisfer (??????) while the other logic-subjects is the left brain's task. What is more, these kind of competences COMPETENCIES will expand their knowledge.

a wider knowladge KNOWLEDGE.
compulsory subject in THE secondary-school curriculum.

NOTE:
Fudla, you often make misspellings. I hope you read this writing more before you upload on this website. On the other hand, you passed explanation of the example which supported your idea in the second body paragraph. I believe you could enhance your writing on condition that you always read the examples of writing.