Writing Feedback / Provide university education for a large proportion of students? [3]

The main problem that you have with this writing is the word count and your approach to the discussion. For one thing, you mistakenly believed that you need to do a complete and thorough discussion of the given topic, complete with information sources and citations. You do not. You wrote almost 500 words. You do not have to do that. You are over discussing what should be a simple presentation of 5 sentences per paragraph for the 4 paragraph format. For the task 2 essay, you need to KISS it. Keep It Simple Sam!

Let's start with the basics. The prompt restatement + opinion. You need to use a simple single sentence to restate the original topic, without actually discussing it yet. The same goes for your opinion. Give your opinion and 2 reasons why. These will be the reasoning paragraph foundations for the 2 upcoming paragraphs. Total - 3 sentences (at the most).

Do not overdo the discussion reasons in the presentation. Use simple logic, personal experience, and any public knowledge you may have come across before. Do not research and use actual data because that is not what this test is about. The test is based on your ability for logic and reasoning when presented with a simple problem discussion. It is not a research paper, thesis, or dissertation. That is why the word limit is 300 and the time allotment for wiritng is only 40 minutes, with only 30 minutes used for actual writing. The remaining 10 minutes will be for correcting and polishing your paper.

I often tell the students here the same advice I will be giving you now. Learn to use concise sentence and paragraph presentations. Say it all within 5 simple and short sentences. It does not have to be perfect. You are not scored in the validity of your argument. There are no right or wrong answers, there is no need to factual data. What is required, is a clear presentation of your English comprehension skills, your ability to explain yourself as you would during a class recitation, and your talent for doing so quickly in an understandable manner. Nothing else matters.

So, while you presented an excellent academic paper here, you did not really write a paper that would help you pass a task 2 essay exam.

Writing Feedback / CHAPTER 4 about the cost of money: BOOK REVIEW: Predictably Irrational [2]

When a book review is written, it is done so from a third person point of view. It also avoids soundling like it was written by a grade school student talking about what he did last summer. This review totally misses on the academic representation and tone of the chapter. It sounds like it was written by a 3rd grader rather than a college student.

Since this is a chapter review of a book that is being continously read, the first thing the writer has to do is connect the previous chapters to this one, indicating why it is a logical next step in the line of study. Reporting in the importance of this chapter in relation to learning will help. The experimentation must definitely be reviewed, from a professional stand point (rather than a gradeschooler point of view) to help add to the importance of the chapter. A scientific approach to the chapter is required to create a more convincing chapter review for the professor to grade.

Writing Feedback / [WRITING TASK 1] IELTS Writing essays about where doctors should work. [2]

Good work on the prompt restatement aspect. However, your opinion response is failing. Due to the direct question requirements of the original prompt, your response cannot be a mere restatement of the questions provided. Rather, you are expected to respond using simple response questions that clearly show your logical thinking abilities and simple reasoning skills. Each question presented therefore, needs to have a clear response sentence based on what you wish to discuss as the topic of each reasoning paragraph. One topic in response to each question, expanded in the body of paragraphs within one paragraph each as well.

[quote=penguinwannafly]The proliferation of doctors' preference to work in cites is caused due to some reasons.[/quote]


Use a topic sentence to anchor this opening statement. Clearly indicate your response to the question. Do not leave that for the second sentence. The examiner expects you to not have any use for word count fillers such as nonsensical sentences that do not move your response forward. Stop repeating the prompt instructions. These do not help increase your score, but could very well lower your score due to certain scoring elements that fail because of the non-answer sentences.

The reasoning paragraphs tend to be less developed because you present secondary reasons that do not directly relate to the first reason. These secondary reasons are mentioned, but not explained nor developed further in connection to the previous presentation.Hence creating under developed paragraph presentations.

Overall, you know what you have to present to score better. You just seem afraid to fully discuss your thoughts so you rely on empty sentences and under explained topics for your presentation., Avoid those presentation shortcomings and your score should improve.

Writing Feedback / THE PROBLEM OF USE PLASTICS AND REVIEW OF RELATED LITERATURE [2]

When you review related literature, you do not cite these informations ources as if you were writing the introduction or a paragraph in your regular essay. Rather, you present your understanding of the written work of the author, individually. You explain the content of the book by using a proper literature review format, the style of which you can find from many online sources. The only requirement from you, as the writer, is to properly summaruze the content of the literature, without discussing how it relates to your discussion. However, you must mention the relevance of the literature to the topic of plastics and what makes the author of the piece a notable figure or authority on the subject of plastics.

Right now, this sounds more like you only summarized citations from within the work of the various authors, rather than reviewing the literature based on an actual reading and understanding of each person's work. For a literature review, think about what makes the work good or bad, then review it on that basis. What do you agree with? Why? Why not? What debate does it respond to? Does it do so effectively? How? These are but some of the revirew questions you can consider as you develop your literature review per author.

Writing Feedback / (ielts task 1) The line graph shows the number of people who used different communication services [3]

While I understand that it is easier for you to write a compressed sentence for the summary overviww, the formst you have chosen to represent your summary does not fully allow for summary clarity due to the confusing flow of information. Too much information is being preented in the single sentence that normally, should be divided into at least 3 sentences. In this case, the more relaxed and easier to remember summary would have been:

Sentence 1 - Image type and discussion focus
Sentence 2: Listing of image information
Sentence 3: Start and ending point of the measurement
Sentence 4: Measurement type
Sentence 5: Trending sentence (if a paragraph is not necessary)

A sentence is normally considered more informative by the reader when it presents one stand alone piece of information to the reader, within a related paragraph presentation. That is because the information becomes scannable and easier to memorize for the reader When compared to a run -on sentence, the possibility of a confusing grammar presentation is avoided and, a better score can be given to the exam taker.


Although you did mention a decade coverage for the presentation, the mere fact that the starting and ending months are mentioned in the image itself requires you to present the end date as well. Again, this is for clarity purposes and in deference to people who may not have the time to count 10 years as they read your prsentation. Yes, it seems to be a dumbed down way of presenting the information. However, in a task 1 essay, which is based on clear data reporting, informing the reader about highly specific information helps increase your overall score due to the proper use of information and presentation clarity within the paragraphs.

There is a part of this report that requires you to make comparisons where relevant. The overlapping information from 2002 should have been reported in the presentation as an equivalency point where the measurement for landline and cellular phone services were equally represented. That is a pivotal measurement point that you should have mentioned as a part of a proper analysis if the image.

Letters / Hungaricum Stipendium Bachelor Scholarships To study Mechatronics Engineering - Motivation Letter [3]

You are presenting a frenzied opening statement that serves pointless to your application. Calm down. Reflect seriously on what drives your interest for this scholarship. It needs to make sense. It does not need to repeat the offerings of the scholarship to the reviewer. What use is repeating the scholarship information at the very start, when it does not help add to the academic and personal motivations you have for attending the program?

Why does your essay sound more like a job application letter rather than a statement of motivation for a scholarship program? You are focusing in the wrong aspects here. You are not going to be hired for a job because you are not applying for one. Writing a job application letter will not win you a scholarship either. The second paragraph is irrelevant with regards to the information needs of a motivation letter since it is meant for a job application.

You have created an acadwemic biography for yourself in this presentation. It is not a motivation letter. You cannot use this as a motivation letter because there is no target interest for career growth and how you expect to have an interactive relationship with the university offering the scholarship to achieve those goals. This is not going to garner the interest of the reviewer. In fact, it will be set aside as soon as he reads the second paragraph.

There are several references to this scholarship available in this forum. You may read those sample motivation letters to get a better idea of what a competitive letter is like. This letter, does not serve the purpose you wrote it for based on the observations Ihat I have stated. You can begin to create a new draft based on my observations alone. It would be even better if you familiarize yourself with the scholarship program and its objectives before you start on your 2nd version. By learning what the scholarship is about, you will be able to embody what they are looking for in a candidate within your motivational letter.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS Writing Task 2] Growing concensus on banning children usage of phones in schools [2]

What did you do in the prompt restatement? You changed the discussion foundation so much, the topic you present no longer represents the original framework. It does not even come close. It changes the sources of information, and the basis of discussion. There is nothing accurate about your promopt restatement nor your opinion. This incorrect task representation alone is enough to garner a failing score for the full essay. Why is that? You will be unable to prove that you understood the topic as per the original, and your discussion is also based on an incorrect reference because of it.

The discussion is totally from a first person point of view where you were asked to compare and contrast the two public opinions, and then present your own opinion regarding the topic. You have not managed to meet the prompt requirements in relation to scoring requirements at this point. The essay is a complete failure when the discussion topic and duscussion format are seriously considered.

Writing Feedback / The advantages of English spreading as a global language will continue overweight the disadvantages. [2]


There is no reference to dual opinions regarding the topic in the original prompt. The fact that you misrepresented the original prompt by creating 2 public opinions, rather than just restating the single original topic will lead to a failed prompt restatement score. It will be a failure because you changed the original discussion topic basis. This failure will have a direct effect on the overall score of the essay, regardless of the appropriateness of your opinion statement.


This is a paragraph that will not be scored because it does not support the writer's opinion. Additional deductions will be applied since you are discussing a topic that does not factor into the original discussion presentation. I am afraid that this essay presentation may find it difficult to get even a barely passing score because of the prompt deviations you have created.

Undergraduate / A concept I find so engaging that I lose all track of time. Who I turn to when I need help. [2]

Science is the all encompassing systematic study of an area of interest based on research and experimentation. It is not a concept. Astronomy is the concept of science that deals with the material universe beyond the earth's atmosphere. Based upon what you have written here, you are interested in and often find yourself engaged in Astronomy as a concept. Your reference to science is too generalized and your reference to an interest in the study of the universe is more popularly known as Astronomy. It would serve you well to revise your essay in relation to a more appropriate reference of your interest in the study of the universe, skipping the science reference altogether since it tends to confuse your explanation.

Writing Feedback / Ielts 1 - The total of British home and overseas scholars learning Computer Science at an University [3]

Please contact me privately for your scoring requirements. We do not offer public scoring of an essay as it is not part of our free review service.


As you know, the original instruction already identified the image as a bar chart and yet, you failed to properly identify the type of image presented. This is a bar chart, not a general chart. A general chart does not contain a specific image identifier as required by the task scoring system. The image information summary is a run-on sentence. You need to split that up into at least 3 sentences to avoid GRA score deductions based on run-on sentence presentations. By the way, you forgot to indicate the gender basis for the measurements in the overview. That is important since there are several gender references now available to the public. Therefore, specific gender identification is necessary in the task 1 essay, wherever it is mentioned specifically.


Students are the measurement subjects. The measurement (measuring) units refers to percentage, ratio, numerical count (in the hundreds, thousands, millions, megawatts, etc.) There is no measurement unit refererrd to here so it is safe to assume that the students were measured in the thousands. However, were a measurement unit is not specified, it would be best if you do not mention any either.

Undergraduate / The Best Version of Me - NTU UNDERGRADUATE [4]

It is difficult to assess this essay without the actual prompt that instructed how it should be written. From what I can tell, the essay focuses too much on what you want to be, but not who you are. Who you want to be does not mean you will be able to achieve this ideal self, which limits your ability to become a positive asset to the student community. You have good intentions when it comes to becoming an NTU student, but you do not really discuss how NTU will help you achieve your ideal version of yourself. Do not get me wrong, you show a strong desire to improve your personal character, but it does not explain why your percieved potential will help you as a student at the university. My review is based on a basic understanding of what a personal essay based on the "Best Version of Me" topic might be. Having access to the required prompt would have helped me deliver a more targeted review of your essay.

Graduate / Pharmacy (Medicinal Chemistry) - Personal Statement [2]

When you write a personal statement, do not focus on your academic background and community leadership. The personal statement, if given to you without a prompt instruction, should detail the development of your interest in ths masters course based on your professional exposure to the field over several years. Do not repeat the course coverage or syllabus details either. The reviewer already knows that information and does not need to be lectured about it. What you can do is take paragraphs 2,3,and 8, incorporating those into a proper personal statement that leads up to the realization of your need to pursue higher academic training based on your career needs. Talk about how you were inspired to attend this course at this university based on your personal academic requirements and (if needed) personal development.

Writing Feedback / Does the Earth Melt? The pervasive ramification of climate change [2]


There is something missing in the reference point of the first paragraph. It does not make any sense. Maybe you accidentally started a new sentence when it was supposed to be a continous thought presentation at that point? Whatever it is, you have to fix that problem to create some sense of logic and reasoning in that part of the presentation.

You are writing a an overview, also known as a summary, or, in higher academic circles, an abstract. This is a short form of the actual presentation. No citations, no quotes, no sourced information should be presented in the overview/summary/abstract. Rather than overview, this may be considered a cut and paste of a whole section of the research paper instead. You need to develop an accurate summary of your overall paper instead. Focus on:

- The topic
- The reason
- Research results based on how the research of survey was performed
- Potential solution or conclusion

These are the parts that create an accurate overview/summary.

Writing Feedback / International sports events - good or bad? - IELTS Writing Task 2 [2]

The prompt restatement+opinion is totally incorrect. You failed to restate both public opinions in individual sentences, then offer your opinion based on the given points of view. The alteration of the discussion from a compare + contrast + supporting personal opinion to an advantage v. disadvantage essay will result in a failing TA score because you are not discussing the essay as per the prompt expectations. This early error could very well be the reason that your essay gets a failing score in the end.

Having reviewed the rest of your writing at this point, it is safe for me to say that the essay will not get a passing score as the task discussion requirement has not been met by your presentation. The way that you changed the discussion instruction shows that you failed to properly understand the discussion instructions. You must stop writing essay exercises at this point. Focus on familiarizing yourself with the discussion formats of the Task 2 essay for at least a week. Once you understand what the different instruction prompts are and how to properly approach it in your writing, you should be able to write prompt responsive essays already. You need to write prompt responsive essays if you hope to pass this test.

Graduate / MSc Data Science UK - Personal Statement; What makes me an excellent candidate for this program? [3]

The entire middle part of the first paragraph needs to be removed. Compress the first and second paragraph for clarity and conciseness. You do not need to discuss irrelevant aspects. Focus on how the problem that was solved led to your motivating factor to pursue this course instead. Everything else inbetween is irrelevant. Only a few sentences of the first paragraph are actually useful in setting up your motivational foundation. I am not sure how the discussion about the current classes you are taking fits into the personal statement. Mostly because such academic development and interests are more useful when presented as a part of the statement of purpose. I would suggest reserving that information for the SOP instead. By the way, I do not see any discussion in relation to the university choice for the masters course. Was that an accidental ommission on your part?

Graduate / LoM - Argument of an engineering student applying for masters in global development policy - EMJMD [2]

Sadly, you have not developed a compelling argument because your presentation takes on a personal statement direction rather than a letter of motivation. Only the last paragraph of this essay is relevant to the motivational aspect. This is an excellent academic platform for the opening paragraph. It contains a summarized version of your academic interest in the program, without directly mentioning the program syllabus itself. Activisim does not lend itself to the objectives and mission statement of the program. A truly effective motivation will focus on a particular aspect of your country's society or governance that needs development. You may choose from motivations relating to Agricultural need, Financial Services for the poor, Special Initiatives, or Global Libraries. Your statement lacks a motivation related to any of the specified areas. Beyond a personal discussion of your curriculum vitae, there is no compelling motivation statement to be found. Maybe you can use economic development as the basis of your motivation in relation to Financial services for the poor? Perhaps your activism can somehow connect to that? Be more specific though. Will be be financial initiatives for the general population or for a depressed part of your society? There are ideas in this essay that could be useful, if properly directed as a motivation instead of a personal statement.

Undergraduate / Sharing my passion for food with others. UBC personal profile "What is important to you?" [3]

Theh keyword here is "What is", singular. Your response is reflective of "What are", plural. You can't divide the attention of the reviewer by presenting 2 different important aspects. There is a divide that cannot be overcome when you do that. It creates 2 seperate identities for you instead of one strong image based on your ability to explain something of importance to you.

The family discussion as an important aspect has been done to death. It is practically the go to response for every student who cannot thing outside of the box. Food was interesting as an important aspect. It highlighted your various personalities that directly relate to your enjoyment of food. That is something important that the reviewer could take note of. I believe that your essay should therefore, focus on a fully developed importance of food discussion. It is a bit out of the box in thinking and presentation. It should be discussed as important and not as a favorite activity. Remember that.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Open plan office no walls, no barriers. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? [2]


You cannot use a rhetorical question to represent the restatement of the original prompt. Use a direct statement format because you are expected to inform the reader, not ask a question. The second sentence sounds too much like the original presentation for it to be scored. It might just be considered a cut and paste of the original statement. The first paragraph seems to suffer from a problem in presentation originality.


Scores are not provided for paragraphs that do not support the original opinion of the author. Single opinion essays, those that do not require a discussion of both opinions or, a comparison of 2 opinions, should never stray from the single opinion defense. Defending both sides will fail your TA score since you no longer have a clear opinion and, your essay will also meet word deductions for not meeting the minimum word count anymore. No score will be awarded for opposing reason defense discussion paragraphs. You cannot contradict yourself in your own opinion presentation.That is like saying, "I am right, but I am also wrong." Does that kind of discussion defense make sense to you? Exactly. it is a foolish way of proving your point. It is incorrect.

Letters / 'The acquisition of knowledge is a never-ending process' - Motivation letter for Neurasmus [3]

You are spinning your wheels here but not getting anywhere. The motivational letter that makes an impact on the Neurasmus reviewer needs to be as strong as a typical Erasmus Mundus motivational letter. It should not sound like a research paper and even cite sources. Rather, you need to strengthen the impression that your previous academic experience and your related work experience both play a vital part in making you a considerable candidate for the scholarship. Do not confuse this letter with a personal statement.

The motivation needs to be clear about whether you going to be going back to a hospital researcher setting or, will you continue to be a pharma lab analyst? The choice of career path will help you create a motivational letter that will consider how both your academic background and work experience fit with the study and laboratory requirements of the program during both yearsin relation to your future career path. This should better explain why you chose to focus on Neurological related studies for your masters program. In truth, your reason for choosing this track is blurry. It is not really very clear since you do not have a personal motivation to assist your academic goals. This motivational essay sounds more like a well researched article or opinion paper instead of a personal letter of motivation.

Writing Feedback / Writing IELTS Task 2: The importance of History vs Science and Technology in school [3]

A task 2 essay should be completed with no more than 300 words, within 30 minutes. The remaining 10 minutes should be used to perfect the presentation and correct the errors. The writer should not add any unrelated statements in the first paragraph. Stick to a simple restatement + opinion because that is what you are scored on. Whatever you think, or whatever it is you want to say about the topic, should wait and be presented in the reasoning paragraphs.


Do not use misleading terms. There is a doubt about this opinion, that is why you are writing this written debate paper. By the way, since you failed to use pronouns in this paragraph, the examiner will not be able to identify if this is a personal or public opinion. You need to use third party pronouns in this case to indicate the difference from your personal opinion. You can imply it in the same manner that "skeptics" indicated the other group's opinion in the next paragraph. That was an effective method of differentiating opinions.

Your personal opinion paragraph should be properly developed. Do not use run-on sentences and rush through your idea. You need to make that part of the essay the clearest portion, so use individual explanation sentences. Make sure your idea is clearly explained and well supported by examples and additional discussion points.

Graduate / [NEED REVIEW] "I find Data Science fascinating" - Statement of Purpose for Master of Data Science [2]

What a lovely personal statement. Too bad it failed to contain any actual reference to the purpose for your study beyond what you think you can learn from the course. This is definitely not usable as a statement of purpose so I would not bother with trying to revise this presentation anymore. You should instead, focus on creating a true statement of purpose that:

- Opens by implying your dreams for your future. Imagining a future world or your contribution in it.
- Discussing your undergraduate background as it lends itself to your interest in the masters course (awards and accomplishments included)
- Explaining your current career path and your achievements that you believe can benefit from higher academic study* (academic purpose) (* any publications included)
- Expanding on your long term career goals that require these additional studies (career purpose)
- What you hope to contribute to the field after the masters course (personal purpose with possible thesis topic, if needed)
- The reason you believe this university program suits your abilities and ambitions
- Why you believe an overseas masters education is best for you.

Follow the outline I provided here and you should be able to come up with a more applicable statement of purpose.

Undergraduate / Enhancing my skills - What is important to me - UBC application [2]

I understand that you are motivated by success because you stated that directly. The problem, is that you are not focusing on the type of success that motivates you. Try to to create a better focus in your discussion. What sort of success is most important to you? Academic success? Athletic success? Social success? Which of the various types of success do you think would appeal the most to the reviewer? Why? Analyze how you can frame a success based discussion in a manner that would imply how your success would prove to be an asset to the school. Will you bring in academic, athletic, or student community achievements? How? Why is that particular type of achievement important? Why does it make you a better person and/or student?

Writing Feedback / Writing task 1 about the percentage of people's coffee & tea drinking habits in 5 Australian cities [2]


The column chart. Help the reader get an idea as to how the measurements are presented in the image. Do not just indicate "the chart" because that does not inform the reader about measurement and image specifics, which is a required part of the task summary presentation.

The summary overview and trending statement will prove to be score reducing for the GRA score as these sentences both indicate the use of run-on sentences. These are sentences that contain more than one thought process or idea that results in a confusing discussion focus. As a rule, use up to 5 sentences per paragraph, each with an individual sentence idea. The cohesiveness and discussion clarity will come from the way your thoughts and sentences are structured in each paragraph, not in the length of each sentence.


Do not provide a personal opinion of the information. Simply report the information directly, without any personal insight as this is a reporting essay, not an opinion essay. Analyze and compare the data only.

Writing Feedback / From my point of view, i firmly believe that the merits of Internet far outweight its drawbacks [2]

Okay, you have presented the discussion based on general observations of the given topic. Acceptable, but could have been better. Remember how the statement asks what your personal opinion is? The discussion was basically asking you to present the discussion based on your personal experience while using the internet. What did you see as benefits to you personally? What negative attributes affected you? How did these 2 experiences combine to create your final opinion about the internet? While a general discussion based on public knowledge is good, the personal point of view and experiences would have earned you more considerations score-wise since the reasons provided came from the anticipated personal experience and point of view as opposed to generally known facts. Do not get me wrong, the essay delivers, but it could have delievered more your final score if it had been approached differently.

Undergraduate / Why are you applying to UW Madison and why are you interested in studying the major? [2]

This essay only focuses on the prompt requirement starting from paragraph 5-9. The complete first half of the presentation is irrelevant. You are not writing a personal statement, which is what the focus of the first paragraphs were. You were given a direct prompt to respond to. The target of the discussion should not stray from that subject. You can revise the current presentation by refocusing the discussion on the aforementioned paragraphs, further developing your explanations in those sections to help convince the reviewer that you have been a long admirer of UW, not necessarily UW-Madison. Try to represent your interest in terms of notable medical names that came from the school as your inspiration and reason for your desire to attend the university. You can use the earlier half of the essay in a different prompt, if needed. Otherwise, it is safe to delete those sections totally.

Writing Feedback / AUSTRALIA - DESTINATION FOR THE JOBSEEKERS [2]


While this reference does indicate the number of years covered by the measurement, it does not accurately portray the period of measurement, which is a must in terms of information delivery within the summary. Therefore, you should have indicated the starting year (1992) and the end year (2001) as the reference points for the decade coverage.


Be more specific about this year. What is this in reference to? The start of the measurement? The middle? Remember, you have to assume that the reader will not be seeing the image so every bit of information you present must have accurate reference points or target. You could have indicated that "When the measurements started in 1992..." for a clear reference starting point in the analytical paragraph.


There is a lack of subject clarity in the second part. What more than doubled? What was the actual number? Numerical references in the thousands were used throughout the chart, kindly make sure to always refer to actual data to give clarity to your statements.


Use the reference "rose" since that action was considered to be in continous movement within the graph at that point.


Not sure what you are trying to refer to here.

You have a problem with thought clarity and information presentation. You appear to not be able to think and write in a manner that clearly explains what you mean in English. This will be a major scoring down for you in an actual test. Focus on developing your English writing skills in terms of restatement skills.

Writing Feedback / TASK 2: More and more students choose to study abroad to have a better education and environment [2]

When I give a student advice in an essay to help improve his writing abilities and scoring potential in the IELTS essay, I expect to see the advice provided in the next essay. That means, the student must learn from his previous errors through my corrections. This is shown to me by the student through the application of the specified correction notes. I do not give advice simply for posting in threads. I expect the student to pay attention and apply the corrections accordingly.

This presentation still contains the same vital errors that I already requested you to correct in your previous essay. Therefore, due to the same nature of errors, I will not be giving you corrective advice on this essay. I do not repeat advice that I have previously given. Additionally, since you have proven that you choose not to listen to my advice and notes, you will no longer receive corrections from me at this forum.

Writing Feedback / Task 2: The idea of whether or not to accept the social convention of a host country [3]

You have the wrong idea about the discussion focus of this essay. It is not discussing "tourism" or "work residence" in relation to customs and traditions of a stranger in a new country. Rather, this speaks of immigration status people who will be permanently exposed to their new country's customs and traditions. Your restatement is inaccurate in specific aspects. As for your opinion, you did not express it within the required parameters. There is no "degree" of support or non-support for the given discussion. I am afraid your task response will not be well scored because of these problems.

Learn when a 5 paragraph essay is required and, when a 4 paragraph essay is sufficient. Your current presentation is a 4 paragraph statement requirement. It only needs 2 reasoning paragraphs. Over discussing is just as bad as under discussing as it forces more accidental errors in your writing and tends to result in an incomplete presentation during the actual testing process. The reasons you provided are valid though and quite good. Just, do not overdo it because of the potential for more scoring deductions in the end.

Graduate / [Need Review] Statement of Purpose - MS in Artificial Intelligence and Data Science (Summer 2022) [2]

Your statement of purpose feels over extended and needs to be whittled down to only 750-1000 words. It tends to be more of a personal statement already rather than a purpose focused essay. Do not mix the information requirements for the 2 different essays. For one thing, you should remove the introductory paragraph because it does not really represent a unique thought that serves a foundation for your purpose. Do not use the innovative ideas of others as a part of your purpose. Rather, excite the reviewer through an exciting representation of your future purpose. That is what makes your statement of purpose exciting and interesting to the reviewer.

About your desire to be mentored by a specific professor, you do not indicate how your inclusion in the research team or class setting of this professor will be an asset to the professors continuing research efforts in a specific field or topic. Simply wanting to discuss is not a purpose. A desire to offer your talents and skills to improve the research work or class discussion would be a more relatable and convincing purpose addition. Be specific about your related research goals.

Writing Feedback / Ielts writing: Why is global warming a problem? How can reduce the dangers of global warming? [2]

You understood the question, but cast too wide a net in terms of discussion topics. In fact, the discussion is so far generalized that the reason for the problem and the possible solutions are disconnected. How does the melting ice caps connect to the problem of burning fossil fuel? Fossil fuel burning is different from ordinary home burning of say fallen leaves. Your discussion is not properly focused becaused you did not properly outline your discussion points prior to writing. There is no cohesive representation of the topics you were to discuss. The presentation is confusing because the topics presented do not follow a logical discussion. Although the ideas are there, these are not properly developed so the essay feels improperly discussed or, under developed in presentation.

Writing Feedback / Task 1: The maps elaborate on the layout moderations of an art gallery's ground floor [2]

A user cannot dictate specific review requirements unless the user requests for private paid review services. Only general review presentations are available under the free review services. For specific services, you must contact me privately. My business email address is listed below. Please do your best to upload the image next time.


Familiarize yourself with the different images used in the task 1 essay. A map shows a representation, of an exterior flat land surface. It is based on the features of a land mass such as "a map of the island". :Sometimes, it is also referred to as a sketch, or plan, in relation to a course of action as in "Map out your plan of action". What you have here is an illustration, which is a drawing of a picture that defines or describes a picture or drawing. You must properly identify the images as your task accuracy considers your ability to correctly explain what image is presented to the reader.

Basically, your essay tries its best to represent the images provided but uses too many words in the process. Your essay is over the maximum 200 word count for this task. 200 ia the most number of words you can write within 20 minutes. However, that word count does not leave you any time for editing and proof reading. The most approrpiate word count is 175 words. Keep it concise.

You also failed to proof read and correct the errors in your presentation. You need to at least practice proofreading on your own because that will be a requirement when you take the actual test. Get used to doing it in your practice test.

Scholarship / CSC Development impact statement, How your proposed study relates to development issues [3]

The first thing you have to do is edit this from 247 words to the maximum of 200 words or less. You do not have to discuss too much. You just have to discuss enough to respond to the question. Anywhere from 150-175 words is acceptable, with 200 being the most. Write more than that and the online form may reject your text and you may not have enough time allowance in the system to edit directly on the screen at that point. Edit offline just to be sure.

Reverse the presentation. Make the last paragraph the first paragraph, then develop your response from there. Do not complicate the response with unnecessary data as you currently present. Focus on a simple problem statement and why you believe this must be addressed as soon as possible. You do not need to lecture the reviewer about the current state of Nigeria in such a data based manner. A more personal plea with some data will be sufficient.

Scholarship / It's precisely what I was looking for; europubhealth+ scholarship motivation letter [3]

This is not the type of motivation letter that truly explains how and why your interest in completing this double major as an EM scholar developed. Seeing how this is 24 month course with studies happening in 2 different countries per semester, It would appear that you failed to consider the study paths and career directions each path takes you on for the 2 motivation reasons. I do not see any reference to the applicability of the program for both years to your undergraduate course, nor have you considered what your future research or thesis motivations are.

This is a weak motivational letter because it is based on a simple motivational idea rather the EM requirements for motivation for its applicants. The joint masters course is not one that you should take lightly because the demands of the course have both local and international benefits for you. None of which you properly represent in this essay. This is an essay that is too short to be a true EM motivational letter and, it fails to address the candidate requirements that you fulfill for the joint major program.

Undergraduate / UBC - what my family, friends, and community think of me? A person who they know they can count on. [2]

You are right about the story removing the focus of your statement from the prompt requirements. Actually, the reviewer will not be impressed with any story that starts with "when I was 3 years old). The interest is more in learning about whether your parents believe you have the early adult foundation to succeed as a college student, if your friends see you as someone they can rely on when they need help, if the community sees you as an emerging leader or a go-to person for activities others would shy away from, and if you are proud that all of these seperate points of view have merged to create a stand out personality or achievement for yourself. While the activity you chose to represent your achievement is impressive, how it collates all 3 aspects of your developing character is not really evident. If your focus is "on the person they can count on", then all 3 points of view need to show that emerging or now evident personality. It has to be the stand out aspect of the overall presentation.

Scholarship / UGRAD to enrich my skills in communicating, leading people, motivating, and building relationships [2]

This is a good and simple personal statement, but it is not one that follows the Global UGrad guidelines. For one thing, the Global UGrad program is highly focused on diplomatic relations between countries. Therefore, you need to possess a certain exposure to a diverse set of cultures in your home country, and offer an insight into how well you get along with people of other nationalities and ethnicities. You have to prove that over the years as an undergraduate ( who has not yet graduated), you have managed to develop skills and abilities that could be useful to the program in terms of developing international camaraderie. Participation in community based activities could help highlight that. More importantly, you have to make it clear that you do not plan to use the program to remain in the United States beyond the semester you are allowed to stay there by you visa. Your essay should focus more on your character and personality on a global scale. It should not be focused on learning desires alone.

Writing Feedback / Essay about the argument of TV purpose, for entertaining or education and information [4]

Based on the confusing discussion approach to the topic provided, I believe that you created your own discussion series / questions based on the given topic. There is no way that a Task 2 essay prompt will be this confusing. As per our task 2 prompt records, the correct prompt for this essay is:

Some people say that television is useful in education, while others say it is useful only for entertainment. Do you agree or disagree?

A task 2 essay prompt is simple, direct, and contains only one discussion format. You have 2 different discussion formats presented that will go beyond the 5 paragraph discussion format for this task.

Prompt 1: What do you think the purpose of TV news programs is? This is a complete discussion question itself covering 2 reasoning paragraphs. No additional instructions are provided to this type of prompt.

Prompt 2: Discuss both views and support your opinion with reasons and examples. This is a seperate prompt that is discussed over 5 paragraphs (3 reasoning paragraphs).

Due to the incorrect and confusing prompt and discussion approach, I cannot properly review this essay. It is unscorable as well. An estimate as to whether you will pass or fail cannot be provided due to the confusing discussion instructions.

Come back with a correct Task 2 essay question and discussion, then I will review and assess your possibility of passing the test.

Writing Feedback / Life in high-rise apartments provides a much better sense of community than life in houses [2]

Hi, as a general format essay based on a solid personal point of view of both statements, the essay is well written. As an argument that explains the pros and cons based on the public perception, the essay fails to provide a clear opinion. The d"iscuss both views and give an opinion essay" asks the writer to accomplish 2 things:

- Provide an explanation of the public support or non support based on a third person point of view. This will help differentiate the discussion from your personal opinion

- Provide a personal opinion that shows a clear assessment of both opinions, then offering solid support for your preferred public opinion.

Without the proper use of third person group pronouns, you did not clearly create a demarcation line between the public and your opinion. You only provided your opinion for all 3 scenarios. That is sad because your personal opinion had a good start, but lacked an explanation development based on the appropriate explanation of the public opinion side.

The essay also does not have a proper summary conclusion to close the essay. Now, when in an actual setting, the inability of the writer to create a summary conclusion could lead to an immediate failure of the test. That is why you must make sure that you do not present an incomplete essay. The rule is "Discuss both views is a standard 5 paragraph essay". You are missing a whole paragraph in your presentation.

Undergraduate / UIC application personal essay -"Meaning of My Life" [2]


Here is the thing, reviewers find it hard to believe any truthful interest in a specific form of study or activity exists prior to the age of 12 or 13, when the exposure is more serious and could actually prove a particular study interest of career path. Would it be possible for you to simply not mention an age in the introduction? That way you avoid creating disbelief in the reviewer. Frame it as "early on" and nothing more.


It would be better to say "as I worked on developing my interests, talent, and skills". It sounds more formal rather than the phrase you are currently using.

Actually, it will be difficult to assess this introduction as it relates to the rest of the essay because it is an unfinished draft. So my review cannot go beyond this point. It is good as far as I can tell, but will need adjustments later on for sure, once the draft is completed due to the necessary connections between paragraphs, thoughts, and ideas being presented. Maybe I can review the complete draft in the future?

Undergraduate / Common App Essay - "Love Yourself" [2]

I do not personally believe that this is the correct prompt for this essay. Your discussion is more of an open topic presentation than anything else. The reason being that you have covered more than a single period of growth and understanding as required by the prompt you have chosen. While there are several periods of personal growth and a instances of developing an understanding of yourself, It did not happen in a single time frame. So you cannot use the prompt you have chosen. The open prompt is more applcable. With some adjustments, I believe you can also use any of the prompts under choices 1, 2, or 3 with this essay as the basis for the response. The prompt you finally choose will dictate the type of revisions that need to be applied to the next version.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 1 line graph - The changes in the rates of birth and death in New Zealand from 1901 [4]

Please avoid posting exterior links in your messages. You could have easily cut and paste the question into your thread but you did not do so. Instead, you violated forum rules:

- Do not post exterior links which are considered direct advertising for other websites at our forum
- Do not post exterior links that may contain malware and other security threat potentials for our forum users

You were given a second chance by the moderators of this forum which is why you will be receiving advice from me.

The essay will receive an automatic failing TA score because you wrote less than the required 150 word minimum. This will result in points deductions based on word count. This will applied prior to the sectional scoring considerations. Such deductions could result in an overall failing score.


Avoid the use of English slang words. Stick to academic writing references for proper tone and analysis presentation.

Try to use a uniform sentence presentation in the reporting paragraphs. These should be uniform at 3-5 sentences each so that you will easily assure yourself of meeting the word count.