Writing Feedback / Money distribution from developed countries to those underdeveloped, does not stop poverty there [2]


If the writer completely disagrees with an opinion, then he must have the conviction to defend it. One cannot say "I think" because it negates the "complete" opinion. Rather a "strong belief" must be represented. Otherwise, the opinion presentation becomes confusing to the reader.


Do not use "and" as you are offering a connected reasoning explanation in the sentence. Indicate "because' as the connector instead due to 2 connected ideas being presented.


A scholarship is not financial aid as depicted in this essay. The focus here is economic aid for the country. The writer misunderstood the prompt topic and focus.

The writer has made a discussion topic error. A score will be provided. However, the mistake in the discussion representation may lower the score.

Research Papers / Essay - peer review America Under Siege: Combatting the Opioid Epidemic [2]


Try to establish how the "under siege" aspect happened. Why is this the perception? What does your paper hope to establish? Why is it necessary to address these aspects?


Where does your analysis end and the citation begin? There is a lack of division or differentiation between the 2 throughout the essay. The paraphrasing must be clearer.

A complete review of the paper shows a heavy reliance on referenced research. It is lacking in terms of writer analysis and opinion. This is a paper that will not get a very good score because of it's constant to other people's analysis, but almost none from the writer. The writer needs to add more personal insight in every paragraph. Don't just list data. Prove an analysis and understanding of these based on the target research of the paper.

Writing Feedback / The amount of people who took train at London Underground Station in a day for sixteen hours [4]

The writer is trying to over extend the analysis into a 4 paragraph presentation when the provided image is good only for 3 paragraphs. The essay, due to the forced lengthening is leaning more towards under- analysis since there are only 2 sentences per paragraph rather than the better analyzed 3-5 sentence presentation. A 4 paragraph presentation works best when more than 2 images are analyzed and reported on.

There is an overuse of parenthesis in the presentation. Using it once in a presentation is enough. Try to use other punctuation macks and be more analytical in the data presentation instead. Compare and contrast the data for maximum effect.

Writing Feedback / The amount of money invested to study by the American government over a 28-year period [2]

The overall essay is well developed. It shows a great deal of time spent in analyzing the image. Next time make sure to identify the image using the desciption differentiator. That is, the complete image type ( like graph, bar graph, etc.) While the wordiness of this presentation shows a desire to each an impressive L R score, it does not work well under time constraints. The analysis must be presented and proofread for perfection within 20 minutes. Aim for clarity with less words. Save the LR exercise for the Task 2 essay. At least that has a 40 minute time allocation. Good work though. The potential to score highly in the actual test is there.

Writing Feedback / The essay topic: It is said that children need time to rest than just focus on studying. [2]

The prompt restatement is confusing. The writer is combining unrelated ideas in the presentation sentences, leaving the reader confused.The thought process is difficult to follow. Do not use run-on sentences. Seperate the idea sentences to create a coherent paraphrasing of the original. The opinion statement suffers from the same problems. It does not create a cohesive introduction and thesis paragraph.

Do not use more than 2 reasoning paragraphs in the presentation. The writing format is that of an opinion essay rather than a comparative discussion. Build the clarity and convincing evidence in 2 paragraphs. These paragraphs all have room for improvement. Develop the reasons, that is what you get scored on.

Research Papers / Navy SEAL Impact Research Paper [2]


You can do away with this portion. It only repeats the last half of the introduction. Find another way to expand the content if you are writing a word count required essay.


Exact date of establishment is a must in this section as it pertains to world history.


Explain the mission set first to help the leader better understand the intricate training required by the group. Discuss by order of importance. The training goes in the middle of the presentation.

The writer has used an interesting approach to discussing the history of the Navy SEALS. It is quickly read and mostly to the point. The historical accounts of the missions helped the paper awaken the imagination of the reader.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1: The graph shows information regarding the birth and death rates in New Zealand [3]

Do not compress the summary information into a run-on sentence. The summary must always contain 3 sentences. Each sentence must reference a specific highlight and/or idea from the presentation. Seperate sentences are used to represent the clarity of the writer's understanding of the image. It is the TA score basis and preliminary C + C consideration.


Please indicate the specific type of graph as portrayed in the image to differentiate the report measurement style. There are several types of graphs the writer must be knowledgable about.


"Is anticipated" would be the correct time reference. Future tense usage is needed as this is only a prediction that is yet to happen. This error happens twice. Review tense usage rules.

Writing Feedback / Hunger problem despite launched and implemented many advancements and breakthroughs in agriculture [3]


Do not add topics to the restatement. Use only the original subjects to preserve the original topic focus.


The requirement is for direct topic response presentations, not an instruction replacement. The repeat of the instruction does not prove you will be discussing proper response representations. Fulfill the discussion outline requirement instead.


The first half of this paragraph is devoid of any useful discussion points. It does not begin to actually present a coherent discussion till the last half. Always make sure that the paragraph makes sense from the first paragraph sentence to the last.


Do not get used to using empty sentence fillers. Go directly to the first solution topic sentence. Word and sentence fillers negatively affect the c + C score.

Scholarship / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: Causes and Solutions topic Environment [5]


Give the examiner a more concrete idea of what topics will be discussed. Do not repeat the instructions because the guide questions require you to provide a completely developed thesis statement in response to the questions.


This is not an effective topic sentence. It is a redundance since it just repeating the discussion topic a second time.


You are overdiscussing at this point. The first 2 reasons presented are cohesive and coherent. This 3rd reason does not have a direct relation to the first 2. Actually, only 2 connected reasons are required per paragraph.That is, when the prompt asks for more than 1 reason in the paragraph presentation.


Overdiscussion seems to be a bad habit with you.

The essay is overwritten and cannot be properly completed within 40 minutes. While the writer understands the topic, he is not capable of presenting simple reasoning paragraphs as needed in the presentation

Letters / Motivation letter for master course in France [3]

The first paragraph is confusing. Refocus the information to target your actual line of study. Do not confuse the paragraph with references to farming and your personal background. Bring attention to your professional motivation at once based on currently relevant details.


How does your current work influence your moliviation in terms of learning more about your field as it applies to future career plans?


What is the current path and where is it headed in the future ? Think of your increased motivation factors.


Do not get ahead of yourself. This is only the motivational essay. It is not the statement of purpose yet. Remove this reference paragraph.

Writing Feedback / The estimated jeans sales of the two Turkish companies and their projected market share [3]

The summary overview will recieve a failing score because it does not completely change the original presentation. It comes across as more of having been done in a cut and paste manner. This lack of paraphrasing skill shows a severly limited English vocabulary and could very well negatively affect the LR and GRA scores of the test taker.

When writing the report, the first sentence must indicate the figure being presented to help lead the reader towards a thorough understanding of the presentation. A complete analysis must be presented within 3-5 sentences. A 2 sentence presentation is not considered a complete paragraph format. It is always considered an under-developed analysis and explanation.

Writing Feedback / Number of controversies about gender equality in community, especially in educational environments [4]

There are times when the rephrasing should cover only 1 sentences. This is one of those times. There is no need to sensationalize the presentation as there is no reference to such in the original prompt. So the first sentence in this presentation is totally useless and does not add anything to the score. Only the last 2 sentences will be used as a scoring basis.


Improper word usage. Based on the use of the reference " one gender" the next description should be " the other gender " to represent the opposites.

The summary conclusion format is incorrect. It does not restate the topic+ opinion as required. Neither does it recap the reasons as expected. A solution sentence is unnecessary as it leaves the essay open-ended with an relevant topic, which deviates from the original It could cause the essay to fail.

Graduate / Ticket to my higher studies [3]

Set this essay aside as a possible personal statement or source of information for your other application prompts. This is not a proper statement of purpose. It does not cover the required discussion in relation to the intention of your studies. A 5 paragraph essay outlining the purpose, your supporting background, work experience, and reason for choosing the course in relation to the university will suffice. Focus on your ambitions for your future. Keeping it short because it is only a statement. Direct and clearly evident supporting evidence of your purpose, the progress of your skills in terms of knowledge development will help illustrate your preparedness for the course as it enhances your academic and professional purposes.

Undergraduate / Finance and accounting - Personal Statement for NUS/NTU/SMU undergrad [2]

The essay needs to focus on one particular aspect of interest and its development on your part. For this application, the rest of the discussion should flow and grow from paragraphs 1,2,3, and 4. Portray the continued development of your interest in business. Present reasons why your grandfather and his business inspired you. Show how you pursued lessons related to the course major. Activities relevant to it would help. Do not forget to explain why and how you chose the university you are applying to. These are the necessary elements of an effective personal statement. These are the information that will prove a personal connection with the decision you have made to study this degree. The other parts can be presented in relevant essays as necessary to the application.

Undergraduate / Personal Statement/ GKS Undergraduate Scholarship/ Communication and Media Major [2]


The writer maybe 21 years old at present but he has not been in realization of his dreams for the same amount of time. Babyhood, childhood, and adolescence are not counted here. Avoid exaggerations by avoiding unrealistic age references.


This portion of reality is exactly why the fantastic 21 year age claim will disqualify this application.


Based on what academic and career motivation?


Stop the exaggerations! The reviewers hate over dramatized essays.This is not a Korea novela. Neither is it an oration.


How have you embodied this in your extra and academic activities? Justify the course of development and influence of this quote on your character.


Again with the exaggeration. Do not write as if you are trying to join a reality show. Be aware that this is an academic interview where these sorts of references do not have a positive effect on the application.

Writing Feedback / Public spending on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness and medical expenses [3]


This section does not add to the clarity of the paraphrase. It is totally unrelated and does not connect with restatement. The rephrasing can easily be composed of 2 sentences only. Provided that the first sentence is an accurate topic realalement and the second, is a proper opinion presentation. The latter sentence isthe only required and scorable aspects of this paragraph. However, since it is a run-on, the presentation is confusing. It should be presented as 2 sentences composed of independent ideas. Regardless, the opinion response is in the correct format.


When a whole. hearted response is provided, it cannot be changed midstream. This reflects confusion on the part of the writer, providing an opening for a failing score in terms of TA and C + C discussion considerations. Once an opinion is given in the thesis section, the whole essay must support it

* Contact me privately for scoring services.

Writing Feedback / Nowadays some people choose to live in the city while other chooses to stay in the countryside. [7]

The essay, even though over 300 words in length will fail to recieve a passing score for 2 specific reasons:

- Incorrect discussion format
- Wrong presentation format

The incorrect discussion presentation was caused by the writer's misunderstanding of the discussion instruction. Let us outline this part to clearly show the mistake.

Discussion Instruction: WHAT ARE THE THE ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF CITY LIVING OVER LIVING IN THE COUNTRYSIDE?
Response:


I highlighted the conflicting parts to make the error of the writer more evident. The discussion was to follow the Advantage V. Disadvantage comparison format. Instead, the writer opted to make it a positive or negative single opinion discussion. The response is improper and not applicable to the discussion requirements. This is an automatic TA failure.

Next, this is to be presented in the standard 4 paragraph format composed of:
1 prompt restatement + opinion response
2 reasoning paragraphs that best explain the reasons for the opinion presented
1 concluding paraphrase that summarizes the topic and reasons at the end of the presentation.

What is evident in the presentation is that the discussion fails to meet the passing score requirements for this test. Even with partial LR and G R A scores applied, it will not recieve a base passing score.

Writing Feedback / The most wanted destinations for British travellers and their purposes of travelling abroad [2]

Avoid the temptation of a run - on sentence when writing the summary overview. The rule of thumb is one reference point per sentence. All ideas in the sentence must be related. When referring to 2 different images covering different information, use seperate sentences.



These are both charts of different kinds. The first is an information table and the second, a bar chart. Familiarity with major image types and the corresponding sub- image categories will be necessary to increase the TA and C + C scores of the writer.


Actual measurement data is not presented in a trending sentence. Only a general reference is made to the uptick or downtick of measurements.


At what measurement? You are providing data where it is not required and withholding information where it is necessary.

Writing Feedback / The analysis regarding the income of coffee and bananas in five different areas between 1999 & 2004 [2]


Incorrect. There are 2 seperate tables presented for this report. This is automatically a 4 paragraph report due to the number of images involved.



What is the connection between the 2 different products? Why did the writer choose to present unrelated info in a single sentence? What is the commonality ? The analysis is incomplete and confusing.


Refer to these by name and offer some sort of comparative analysis to help the C + C score.


Based on what figure? Where is the basis of this conclusion?

The uniter is in a hurry to complete the task. He was watching the clock more than he was studying the figures. This led to several haphazard references in the presentation that affected the report clarity.

Writing Feedback / Task 1 The results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in Australia [3]

The summary overview is too short and lacking in short data reference. List the cities surveyed, the measurement used for the survey, and thin merge it smoothly into the trending statement.


If it a bar chart or a line graph? Those are 2 different image references. Be accurate at all times, do not confuse the leader with conflicting image references. It would be best not to refer to the image reference anymore after the initial identification in the summary overview. That will help avoid image confusion that can confuse the reader and lower the GRA score.

Vary the vocabulary in reference the percentage. Don't just keep using the percent sign. change it up with alternatives like ratio, proportion, or rate. Use complex comparative sentences whenever you can.

Writing Feedback / Social media are popular but the nature of online platform presents a myriad of potential issues [3]

The essay automatically gets a failing score for providing a response that does not reflect the discussion requirement. Rather than doing an advantage V. disadvantage essay, the exam taker chose to use the comparative opinion plus personal opinion presentation. The discussion presentation has been altered. Though a response was provided, it is not in the correct format.

Question: Do you think the advatantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages ?
Response: Both views will be discussed in my essay before drawing my own conclusion.

No appropriate response was provided for the TA score which requires a question response to be provided. The thisis response was instead placed at the and paragraph, where it cannot be scored as a proper response anymore. This:


should have been part of the 1st paragraph where it would have recieved a clarity of opinion score and prevented the prompt alteration which made the essay fail.

Scholarship / Children's Literature, Media and Culture (CLMC) - Erasmus Mundus Scholarship Essay [2]


Remove the whole paragraph. There is no sense in explaining the course to the reviewer who is far more familiar with it than you are.


Explain how it applies to your future plans, not what you hope to learn. That is a given in the syllabus. stop explaining the courses to the reviewer. He will lose interest since you are lecturing rather than applying / giving a written interview.


relevant. Remove this reference as it is not a part of the prompt requirements. Stick to the discussion points provided.

Truth be told, this is not a standout application. It lacks local and national accomplishments that would have helped heighten the applicant's qualifications. The background is extremely minor when compared to the credentials of the other applicants. I cannot say for sure that this essay will get the applicant past the screening round.

Undergraduate / [KGPP] PERSONAL STATEMENT FOR UNDERGRATUATED SCHOLARSHIP - BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION [2]

There is a disconnection between gender discrimination and your ambition. Mostly because, for all the national significance of your chosen topic, you have decided to use a personal motivation for it instead. Remove the focus from gender discrimination, it does not align with the final plans. Remove the quote as well since it does not blend with the presentation. Do not try to cover all 3 areas indicated. That is why the statement does not have a solid focus and clear discussion development. It appears that this should be written based on personal importance more than anything else. Why? Your mother has a business. A business that in the future, will be helmed by another woman, her daughter, you. Fight family based gender discrimination instead because of your future. It is personal.

Writing Feedback / IELTS 2; What is the most appropriate place for children to study and develop - a school or home? [3]

The writer has a tendency to create sentences that show a lack of sentence development control. While the presentation needs work in terms of proper vocabulary usage, the writer still manages to make his thoughts and opinions understood, except in the first reasoning paragraph. The writing there was a bit spotty and lacking in a cohesive presentation. The topic should have centered on curriculum flexibility. The paragraph did not have the right focus though. So the presentation was not well developed nor clearly explained. The writer lost control of the discussion in that part. Always stick to topic sentence related references for the discussion.

Concluding paragraphs need at least 2 sentences with a properly presented discussion summary. The current concluding paragraph is incomplete and only partially completed in terms of presentation considerations.

Writing Feedback / International students in the UK attending and achieving second or even higher class degrees [4]


Word capitalization warning. The UK is the name of a country in Europe, The United Kingdom. It is a proper noun and should be written as such.


No change to the original keyword reference. This is a TA and LR problem. It shows a lack of English vocabulary in reference to synonym knowledge. Replace all of the keywords in the restatement.


Where is the trending statement? If need not be a paragraph. A single sentence at the end of the summary overview is more than acceptable.

This is a task 1 essay. A concluding paragraph that restates the summary is out of place. It is not necessary in this type of report presentation.

Writing Feedback / There are good reasons for students to be compelled to wear uniform at schools [4]

The writer will definitely pass the task 2 essay presentation based on this particular topic. He has avoided the use of run on sentences and used transition words properly. All of the discussion topics in the individual paragraphs connect well to one another.Though the discussion is quick and to the point , these are all understandable for the most part. Except, there is one part that is not very well structured sentence-wise.


Promoting what? Why should a uniform promote whatever itis? Why? This is a GRA and C + C problem. All sentences need to make clear sense to the reader when considering the connected references.

For the conclusion, do not forget to restate the topic sentence before repeating the personal opinion and reasons. That will create a well rounded and properly concluded discussion summary.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - ENVIRONMENT PROBLEMS: THE LOSS OF ANIMALS AND PLANTS OR OTHER ISSUES? [4]

The first paragraph should be composed of the prompt restatement and personal opinion. The writer does not present a proper paraphrasing of the 2 public opinions.In fact, the statement is not related to the 2 original topics at all. Neither does the writer provide an appropriate personal opinion as a response to the "give your own opinion" portion of the discussion instruction. The presentation has failed half the test at this point.

Providing an explanation of the 2 public opinions is a must in this essay. The writer did not accomplish that writing instruction. The overall discussion approach is one that the writer created for himself. It does not adhere to the given discussion requirements. It cannot pass due to the obvious disregard for writing instructions. Is this evidence ofa lack of English comprehension skills in reference to the original instructions? It appears so. Will that be the cause of a failed score? Yes.

Writing Feedback / More Money Should Be Spent On Adult Education Than on Children's Education. [2]

The topic begs the writer to consider the importance of education based on the age of the learner. The reason is because of government funding for both educational sectors. Such considerations are not present in the restatement. Additionally, the opinion response as required by the direct question is not provided in the proper paragraph placement either. What is present, is a direct discussion opening. which should not be written about till the second paragraph. The prompt replacement + personal opinion paragraph as required by the TA score is non-existent so this part of the writing test has failed.


This should be written as one word. seperately, the meaning of the phrase does not make sense, as one word though, the meaning is correct.


No.researched information. Always use general references to indicate public knowledge.

The essay is not on point when one considers the title of the essay and information consideration. Since the actual prompt was not provided ., I am not sure about how to redirect the response to better align with the discussion.

Writing Feedback / The number of students in both genders who graduated in Canada between 1992 and 2007 [4]


Identify the type of graph and numerical reference for the student count. What was said or implied in the orginal must be expanded upon in a clear manner within the overview. That is because of the TA scoring considerations for this task.


All data is from previously collated information. Use the proper past tense reference (Was). Trenal usage is a problem throughout the presentation.

The paragraphs are mostly not properly formatted. Aside from the final paragraph, the early presentations do not meet the required 3-5 sentence presentation template. The long 2 sentence presentations are run- on in format. These lower the GRA score as the long sentences do not create a proper simple and complex sentence paragraph. Please learn to properly divide the thought presentations based on proper analytical considerations to avoid the same errors going forward.

Sentence clarity is an issue in this presentation the sentence structures are weak due to improper time references and word usage. Improvements in these areas will help improve the scores in specific areas as well.

Writing Feedback / Preserving friendships with our old friends or finding new friends? [2]

Well, the writer definitely makes a convincing arguement for keeping old friends and its importance to the social development and life skills of a person. I have to wonder though, rather than the long- winded response, why did the miter not simply say " I agree" then indicate the reasons why for further expansion in the upcoming paragraphs?

The writer has a problem with word usage though. A socialist is a supporter of socialism. A social expert is a professional who specializes in the study of people within a social setting. Proper terminology and word usage are essential to the increase of the writer's final score. word exercises should help the writer in this aspect. Time frame or Word tense references are also off in this presentation. Further studies in proper word formation basedon tense usage is a must.

Writing Feedback / FINANCIAL CRIME INVOLIVING IDENTITY THEFT IS INCREASING [2]

While the essay meets the word requirement, it does not meet the paragraph / response format scoring expectations. This is a 4 paragraph essay presentation of 3 - 5 sentences each. The restatement should be composed of 3 sentences or 2 full written lines composed of:

- topic restatement
- Cause or reason for identity theft
- Effect of identity theft

The above TA expectations are missing from the first paragraph.

The writer is focused on identity theft in relation to technology. However, there are other, simpler forms of identity theft which were not mentioned in the orginal prompt. Therefore, a general discussion focus is more advisable as a discussion approach. The outcome of the causes would therefore, be more properly developed in the discussion. The effect would be the same, regardless of the causes.

Writing Feedback / The number of hours, which women and men spend doing different, unpaid works [3]


Add another sentence that enumerates the structures. Complete the short form details presentation.


Go alphabetical. Men before women as per the English alphabet. It has nothing to do with the image positioning since this is just the trending information.


Do what without pay? The sentence structure is incorrect. This sentence says women do not pay for something instead of women not being paid for work. This is the type of sentence that recieves a low C + C and G R A score.


Use the word "respectively" in these types of presentations to point out where or to whom the information applies.

All task 1 essays require a 3 paragraph presentation. This is short by 1 paragraph. Further analysis of the image is required. There should have been an individual gender analysis prior to the combined gender study.

Writing Feedback / The statistic of ticket buying online based on age and how the internet was access in 3 countries [3]

The summary overview is a confusing mess. It is a horribly developed runon sentence that fails to prove logical thinking, sentence structure control, and thought clarity. The writer has to learn to use clear single idea sentences to create a properly formatted content summary. The trending statement is also missing from the paragraph.

Grammar Range and Accuracy problems feature prominently in this presentation. The incomprehensible information presentation causes stress for the reader, who has no idea where this report is headed. The uniter is so excited about presenting the information, he forgot about the importance of cohesiveness and coherence in the analysis. He tried out failed to develop a properly reported set of information. The essay fails in all 4 scoring sections.

Prior to writing the next practice essay for task 1 , the writer should read sample responses first to better understand how to clearly report the information from the image / images. He will also learn how to properly present the tasks if he concentrates on sentence building and vocabulary excercises as well.

Undergraduate / PERSONAL STATEMENT FOR KGSP/GKS undergraduate Scholarship/ Mass Communication Major [2]

The applicant is applying for the wrong undergraduate course. Rather than Mass communications, he should be applying as a film student instead. His inspiration and overall discussion better fits a different course. It is also important that the writer understand that he focused only on the motivational aspect of the discussion. He failed to address the other discussion requirements as outlined in the prompt guide. So this essay needs to have a 2nd version. One that better addressess all of the required information. For the new draft, pair a response with a question.That way the writer does not miss any response points. Once outlined, the questions can be deleted to make room for the expanded discussion presentation.

Writing Feedback / The Importance of owning a house [2]


There are 2 seperate sentence ideas here. This run-on is not good for the idea clarity in the presentation. Rather than using "and" present the response in 2 individual sentences instead. That will clearly show the seperation of idea presentations in relation to the prompt requirements.

Since this is a personal opinion essay, do not be afraid to use first person pronouns throughout the presentation for a more active voice presentation. General formatsshould only be used in comparative essay presentations as those deal with public opimons rather than personal ones.

This essay is developed well enough and should recieve a passing score since your ideas are all related to the original topic and required presentation format.

Writing Feedback / An aging population is one of the most alarming issues among the countries in this day and age [2]

The response format of the essay does not relate to the orginal discussion topic or discussion instructions. The presentation is pretty much based on the writer's own discussion development. The essay will not be considered for a passing score because of this mistake. Once the prompt is altered, the essay cannot pass. Not even when minor scores are awarded in general sections. Here is an outline of the error:

OT:Some people believe that an aging population is good for business, the economy, and society. Others disagree.
YT: An aging population is one of the most alarming issues among the countries

Discussion Instruction: DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION.
Discussion Restatement: ...my opinion is that this trend does more harm than good in the long run

See? Both the restatement presentations are off - course. The essay does not meet the requirements for a passing score. The opinion is not based an harm or good. It is based on whether an aging population is good for societal considerations. It is not an alarming issue either, merely a cause for concern.There is a difference in the terms used.

Writing Feedback / Many people think that fast food companies should not be allowed to advertise while others disagree [3]

Ok. The essay is pretty much centered on the correct topic and reasoning discussion points. However, there is a section where there is a slight discussion topic confusion. In the first reasoning paragraph, the writer discusses advertising in relation to general goods. That is still advertising related but does not focus on the fastfood discussion from the prompt. The paragraph will not really recieve a score since it is not related to the topic as indicated. The essay needs to have stayed on track using 2 related discussion points. With only one related opinion explanation presented, the essay will be scored based on an under-developed reasoning presentation. The passing or failing of this essay will depend on the examiner's consideration of how much of the unrelated advertising paragraph he is willing to give a partial score to, if at all.

Writing Feedback / Love always wins! REVIEW OF A FILM [4]

A film reviewer knows to start the presentation by offering a summary of the story, without directly revealing the ending. Never forget to mention the immediate cast names along with the writer, director producer, and year of release credits.

This is a good summary that does not try too hard to be a good review. It has won to be better. There should have been a deeper discussion of the set design as it relates to the 2 eras depicted in the movie. The directors approach to the constantly changing timelines ( the story is told in flashbacks), and how well the actors portrayed their roles would have been necessary to create a comprehensive film review as required by the writing instructions.

Writing Feedback / Why owning a home rather than renting one is important for people? Is this negative or positive? [2]

The prompt restatement veers away from the orginal presentation because, rather than simply restating the topic, the writer has chosen to begin the discussion of his personal opinion at the very start of the paragraph. There are 2 areas in a Task 2 essay where the personal opinion should not be presented or discussed. These areas are:

- Prompt restatement + personal opinion
- Concluding summary

Both areas should not deviate as these will affect the preliminary and final TA score. For the first paragraph, 3 sentences will be acceptable as long as it storyp close to the original discussion. For the concluding summary just repeat the topic, your opinion, and reasons. Failure to do that will result in a non-passing score.

This essay is nowhere near delivering a prompt based discussion Since this essay has been covered several times at this forum, the writer should have read the previous submissions to give hum an idea of how to approach this writing task.

Undergraduate / What is an effective life? [2]

The essay does not make its intention clear to the reader. Is the point to define an effective life based on a personal perception? Or, will it be analyzed lbased on scientific research? Why is this discussion important to present? The focus and thesis statement could use more development for clarity purposes. The first paragraph is the basis of the succeeding presentation so this has to be the best developed aspect of the discussion presentation.

So, if the first part of the paper is based an authors definition, and the last part comes from a psychiatrist's definition, where does your personal opinion come in? It appears to be the missing link between the 2 discussion points.