Writing Feedback / IELTS Cambridge 13 Writing Task 1 Test 1 - Compare the Maps of City Hospital [2]

You are right. Task 1 is a data reporting essay so it does not need a conclusion. However, it needs a trending statement as proof of thorough information analysis. The format requires a 3 paragraph presentation of 150-190 words. Writing any less than 150 words will result in task accuracy deductions based on wordcount requirements. Your presentation does not meet the minimal scoring requirements for a baseline passing score. That is highly unformulate becauseyou have the potential to score well in this task. I would like you write another essay that meets the minimal scoring requirements based on formatting rules. Then I can review the essay based on the major scoring requirements.

Scholarship / Artificial intelligence engineer - Essay for bachelor's degree scholarship [3]

Yes. you may write 200 words without meeting the character count. That character count is the maximum number you may write, not the minimum. I believe that the topic you chose to discuss is related to your chosen major. While this is acceptable, the topic is more suited to a personal statement. For this discussion, try to consider a situation when you showed a degree of maturity in relation to solving a situation or problem. The essay is meant to help the reviewer assess how youfunction under stressful or undesirable circumstances. As a foreign student coming into a different culture in a foreign school, it is imperative that you showhowyou function in a blended manner with people of opposing thoughts and different culture from you. They need to believe that you will not become a student problem later on, if you are admitted to the university.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - Problems posed by cities population and measures that government may take [3]

The essay is definitely too wordy and relies too much on repetitive prompt data rather than direct responses, opinions, and explanations. While you have presented the academic ideal of the discussion, this is not the type of format that allows for completion within 40 minutes with a focus on meeting specific scoring requirements. Be more precise, direct, and concise with your responses. There are direct questions to help provide the discussion path for your short essay, respond to it. Rhetorics have no use in the IELTS essay. There is no scoring component it can be applied to. It helps you melt the wordcount but does not add clarity or cokeane. transition sentences would have been more helpfuI towards your score overall. Just give swift 5 sentence responses per paragraph as quickly but clearly as you can. Relate one problem to the next for cohesion. While this is acceptable as an academic discussion in class, it is an overboard response for a task 2 essay.

Writing Feedback / Many believe that the young had better pay more attention to cultural activities instead of sport [2]


Use synonyms. Avoid keeping any original keywords to help increase, rather than decrease your L R score.


What aspects? The original prompt is complete. You are the one who should offer a clean statement of at least 2 reasons for your thesis statement. Yours is the incomplete response.

The first 2 sentences of your first reasoning paragraphs are redundant. You indicate the same information twice in varied ways, causing these to become word count fillers instead of discussion informative presentations. Actually , upon a more comprehensive review, the whole paragraph has no logical content. It turned into a mere paraphrasing exercise covering the same thought presentation. This is a very bad and useless paragraph.

In the concluding paragraph, your extent response should again be present to indicate a complete summary of the discussion that you just presented.

Writing Feedback / The trend of city dwellers living alone or in the nuclear family [2]

The discussion instruction is quite clear. Discuss a single point of view based on the opinion that you support. Respond with a single point of view choice based on; "Is this a positive or negative trend?" One response . One point of view supported by your response. Your incorrect answer to the question immediately faiIs in the T.A. section as there is no clear opinion provided based on the required discussion response format. The essay has already failed based on the T. A. considerations alone. When you are in doubt about how to respond to a particular question, ask for clarifications since you are still learning the essay response types. Don't just respond for the sake of responding. That is how most of these test takers fail the exam section in the actual setting.

Writing Feedback / IETLS WRTING TASK 2: IS IT INHUMANE TO KEEP ANIMALS IN ZOOS? WHY? [3]

You have changed the discussion requirements for this prompt. It asks you to do a comparative discussion of both point of public opinion, then offer your personal point of view. In the actual test, the alteration of the instructions or discussion paragraphs will result in a failing T. A. score leading to a final overall failing score result. You have shown a ffamiliarity with the discussion requirements but. all you have presented are ideas and reasons which, athough part ofthe scoring considerations, does not satisfy the cohesiveness and coherence requirements due to the lack of properly connected discussion topics and explanations. 1 do not have high hopes for your score based on this inconsistent type of writing.

Letters / Letter of Motivation- Masters of Financial Management in winter Session 2021 [2]

There are more irrelevant than relevant paragraphs in this presentation. The motivation related paragraphs are numbers 1, 2, 4, and 5. These may be adjusted in presentation format and information scale to relate to the basis of your motivation based on several aspects. The letter of motivation should not contain personal statement data which is why I suggest removing those paragraphs in your presentation. The motivational details in terms of advanced job training and duty requirements should be highlighted.

My review is based on the standard criteria for a motivational letter and does not consider any university specific instructions for it. That is because you did not include writing instructions from the university (if any).

Undergraduate / UMD computer science - TRANSFER ESSAY [2]

You love your commas way too much. You may not think that proper punctuation matters in these essays, but, the truth is, it matters a lot. You prove your academic preparation by proving that you can write proper simple essays as an applicant, as a preview for your abilities when writing academic papels. This presentation does not bode well for you. Consult a professional editing service to help you clean up the errors.


Which is? You should further explain this part.

These do not explain your reasons for choosing the university. You need specifics. These descriptions describe " University U.S.A. " rather than the specific institution institution you want to attend.

Have you reviewed the prompt and compared it to your essay? You missed out on several key discussion points. you may want to consider writing a second draft that better considers the highlightable and relevant discussion points.

Writing Feedback / The diagrams show how the bee makes honey, and the stages in the production of honey. [2]

You are short by almost 10 words of the 150 word minimum. Signifying a lack of proper summary presentation and image analysis, I doubt this essay can manage to achieve a minimal passing score. By the way, you have not accurately identified the diagram. Consider a more precise description or image title next time. Focus your future writing lessons on tense usage.you should never mix past and present time references in a report presentation as it creates an inaccurate step by step procedure development presentation. You should also review your punctuation usage. Familiarize yourself with when to use a period or comma. Sentence structure exercises will definitely help.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - Living by themselves [3]


Don't repeat the instructions. If you can restate the questions accurately, then you should be able to create direct responses to each question. These will create your thesis statement and provide an assement tool for your English comprehension skills. Direct questions always require direct responses in the restatement paragraph.

You have not provided explanations for your reasons. The most you have done is provide successive reasons which, sadly, remain without proper reasoning development. This created under developed , incoherent, and cohesiveless paragraphs. I betyou already know where your major failingscores will come from right? You won't get good scores based on reasoning alone. Clarity of thought, related examples, and properly expanded explanations are what matter the most in terms of scoring requirements.

* Limited review provided. Contact us privately for scoring / rating services.

Writing Feedback / iELTS essay about genders and work [3]

Your understanding of the prompt topic and discussion instruction is incorrect. This created an automatic failing score for this essay. Compare the following to see exactly how you did that:

O.Q.: Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender?
Y.R. : I personally assume that gender equality should be encouraged in every profession.
C. R.: I believe that men and women should be not limited in terms of work participation based on their sex. My opinion is based on (reason 1 ) and ( reason 2 ).

This is a singular opinion discussion that requires 2 reasons and explanations in 2 paragraphs. The comparative style of discussion is not used based on the question response reference. These 2 mistakes in presentation, plus the other possible deductions based on the scoring criteria, I do notbelieve this essay will melita passing score. The main problems you have relate to English comprehension skills and proper topic response development.

Undergraduate / Study plan for study permit for software engineering; comprehensive and competitive education system [2]

The study plan you present lacks a study focus based an research purposes in relation to career planning and international relations. I don't really sense a need for you to get the masters in Canada. There is no real justification for your interest to move across the seas to earn this degree. No, . your country's universities not offeringthe course will not be considered a valid and compelling reason. There needs to be a sense of imperative need and usefulness on both sides for your ultimate study and research goal. This includes an indication of future career potential upon your return. Right now you sound less like a serious professional and more like a teenager explaining your interest in computers. This is not the kind of professional . study plan the visa officer would expect to read. simply put, this presentation will result in a visa rejection rather than approval.

Scholarship / The Ministry of Finance - STUDY OBJECTIVE FULBRIGHT SCHOLARSHIP PROGRAM [2]

Your study/research objective is limited to your local career path alone. As a Fulbright scholar, your main objective should be to engage in research that, while assisting your local career, will show that your interests have international notability and usage. That is clearly lacking in this presentation. The presentation, overall, shows that you are an average student, with average/local ambitions. Without any notable accomplishments even as you worked with international organizations, just mentioning the organizations will not help your application. Since you failed to achieve anything of note during those times the work relationship lacks importance in reference to your time partnering with them. Fulbright scholars need to have standout credentials since the acceptance rate for international students is only 20 % of all international applicants. In the cut-throat application and consideration process for the most prestigious international scholarship, I am afraid these references might be too simple to make you a memorable candidate.

Writing Feedback / How many people paid a visit to Ashdown Museum [2]

245 words is only 5 words short of minimum word count forthe task 2 essay, which is written in 40 minutes. There is noway you can complete that many words within a 20 minute time allotment essay. The task 1 essay is focused on summarized clear reporting of image information. You did not accomplish that in this presentation. You have sacrificed writing rule adherence in favor of length. Which could result instead in a failing score due to several enors presented and not corrected/edited.

For instance, the prompt only makes reference to a table, but the actual presentation has 1 table and 2 pie charts. all 3 images must be properly identified in your version to highlight your analysis of all the information provided. Your improper image identification means you failed to properly assess the data you were given. You failed to identify the pie charts as additional data sources within the report even though you referenced the non-chart information several times. The data presentation is therefore, based on inaccurate references. Thus proving that length does not equal accuracy in a task 1 essay.

Writing Feedback / Some educators believe that the most important trait a teacher can have is self-acceptance. [2]


How does this relate to the teacher discussion? The reference point in the original discussion is in relation to teachers. avoid straying from the actual discussion references as topic alterations will alter the validity of your discussion due to the inclusion of non- related discussion subjects.


Complete the thesis statement. Summarize the topics that support your opinion which you will be discussing in your essay.

In your reasoning presentations, do not use phrase fillers. Regardless of the type of English test that you are taking, a topic sentence kick-off always helps withthe clarity of the presentation. The reviewer is looking for proof that you can easily make yourself understood in English. That cannot bewell accomplished when your presentation takes toolong to get to the point.

* Limited review provided due to the lack of reference to the type of English test to be taken by the student.

Writing Feedback / English (talk about The Guardian's view on Australia Day: Change the date ) [2]

The history of the event is difficult to understand and follow. The ESL presentation will not even pass as basic due to the lack of coherent sentences and improper punctuation usage. There are capital letters being used where lower case letters are required. Lower case letters were often used in noun presentations, which, by grammar rule, should have been capitalized. The introduction requires professional editing to make the presentation understandable to an ENL. Proper sentence formation and grammar rule adherence are required in the revision. I cannot revise this essay in the public forum . Kindly contact us privately for editing services inquirles .

Writing Feedback / Individual and governmental action should be taken to inhibit vast tracts of forests from vanishing [2]

The essay is only 221 words. I am afraid that the wordcount deduction will be difficult for your work to overcome. This essay is immediately a strong contender for a failing score. Always bear in mind that the word minimum is 250 and provide that count as your least written word number.


These are not solutions to the problem. So, you did not respond to the direct question as required. The essay is nowmissing a thesis sentence.


You have gone off base in terms of discussion instructions. This whole paragraph is unrelated to the discussion task. There should only be 2 paragraphs explaining your proposed solutions. 1 paragraph per solution.

Unfortunately this presentation fails to satisfy the prompt and scoring requirements in several ways. It is a failed discussion presentation

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 1 check my passage on real estate [5]


What kind of figure ? Are you just doing a cut andpaste of the original description rather than a paraphrase? This is a run - on presentation thatshould have been presented in 3 clearly separate sentences. What is your rush in presenting the summary? Clarity is key to your score in this section. Actually, this kind of presentation may have alsobeen better presented as a 3 paragraph presentation. It doesn't seem like you really have enough datato justify a 4 paragraph report. I wish I had an image to refer to so I could better explain this format to you. The rest of the information seems alright. I can't really review other sections of your essay due to the lack of image.

* Limited review provided due to lack of reference image. Please provide it next time.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 1 process: the production of bricks [3]

You were given an image name at the start. how was the image identified ? It is not just a production. The image should be referred to as any of the following: a procedural outline, a brick making process list, or step by step creation process, to name but a few image identifiers. Your single sentence is not an informative summary as it fails to properly inform the reader about key production points before the final product. You are making an exaggerated claim that is not supported by the image and therefore, misleads the reader, which makes this an inaccurate report.You should not have made reference to thousands of bricks.

* Limited review due to lack of image.

Writing Feedback / The diagram below shows the lifecycle of the butterfly. [2]


What kind of chart? You call it a life-cycle chart, a development chart, or even a process chart. Be specific with your summary image description because it is needed for the imaginative reference point. It is the basis ofthe whole desciption.

Be careful with your paragraph spacing. Make sure you clearly represent 3 paragraphs. your current format only has 2 paragraphs presented. Remember that you are also scored on formatting requirements. Academic essays never use the connecting word "and" to start a sentence. That word connects r ideas in a sentence. There is no connection to be made at the start of the sentence. Use it in the midde instead when there are thoughts, ideas, or opinions to connect.

Writing Feedback / Whether would you think is more important, the book or the cover? [2]


Did you mean to use that as the hook for your opening statement? If you did then you did not do it successfully. since this statement is not part of the original discussion presentation, then it did not blend in with the rest of your paraphrasing. It actually lessened the effectivity of the statement. Avoid using references that are not part of the original. It will keep the discussion an point.

The discussion calls for a 3 paragraph discussion. Your presentation is only based on your personal perspectives and opinions. There needs to be 2 explanations that support eachpublic opinion before youpick a side or opinion to support. clearly, this isan incorrectly formatted response that will receive deductions due to incorrect response formatting.

Letters / Letter - to express my interest in the position as a local tour guide [3]

Use your fullname in the introduction. Tell the person the date, section of publication, and the title of the publication to meet the information regarding how you found the want and. since this isa Task 1 test, you can make up the references. The secondand third paragraphs do not make any sense. The sentences are incorrectly set up and, the vocabulary used is incorrect. Nobody will beable to follow or understand what you are trying to say.

You did not indicate contact information for any potential interviews. This is a failing score type of presentation as you did not put any effort into writing clearly and making sure your letter metthe writing requirements.

Writing Feedback / Stop gambling around! (essay for an exam in Netherlands) [2]

What is the exam you will be taking ? What are the discussion requirements? The lack of writing instructions will makeit impossible forme to review this essay properly. I am afraid my review may not be of much help to you. i'll give it my best try on a general basis though. should you want topost here again, please include the instructions then. Thanks.


What do you mean? I think the something got last in translation.


Again lost in translation . You need to learn to proofread your sentences for clarity. If the examiner gets confused with yourstatements enough times, you will fail the test.


you failed to justify this I.

Your second to the last paragraph is not useful. It lacks justifications and evidence to support the statements. It is likely that this type of presentation will not do well in an actual setting.

Graduate / SOP for Master in Data Science; I aspire to teach and research at a university/research center [4]


You are over reaching. focus on your home country instead. Your ambition to leave your home country will not be considered in the discussion. Rather, focus ona purpose related to you home country cover.


So what is theactual study focus in relation to the course and purpose ? stop casting a wide net. It makes your statements lack focus and direction.


This not a real purpose. It sounds like you just want to study this course abroad for no particular / specific reason except to get out of your current country.


Name the publications, volume, and date of issue. The reviewers will want to verify this statement.

Your decision to study at C U N Y needs to be specific to your academic and career goals. This is too general and lacks the ability to convince thereviewer that you are goingto be a serious student. specifics are most important in a statement of purpose.

This is a highly problematic presentation due to the general discussions presented. It will not allow you to get past the screening round.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: It is possible to live a normal life as others after releasing from prison [3]

The prompt restatement is incorrect. The discussion is not about criminals living a normal life after serving a jail sentence. The reference point is about criminals becoming good members of society. your statement is incorrect as criminals do not need to complete a prison term to become a normal citizen. That person can be leading a normal life by society standards regardless of his criminal background. It is his membership and actions in society that are in question, not his lifestyle. This time you misunderstood the topic.

The first reasoning paragraph doesn't relate to the topic for discussion. This will not be considered in the scoring process. The number of words inthat paragraph will be disregarded and deducted from the minimum word count. That paragraph can cause the total essay to fail as the presentation if now less than 250 words. This error is part of your lack understanding of the discussion requirements.

The second paragraph however, works correctly with the discussion expectation and, had that been the first reasoning paragraph, would have allowed you to discuss a relevant topic in the second paragraph. Try to not use memorized phrases to signal the concluding paragraph. Try to come up with an original concluding intro. That way it won't seem like you can only develop a conclusion using a memorized format. Do not be afraid to use 3-5 sentences in this section so that you can show that you can do a proper reverse paraphrase representing a new discussion summary based on the newly developed discussion rather than the original prompt alone.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS Mock Test 2021] January Writing 1 - students in Australia [2]

There are only 144 words in this presentation. You missed the word requirement by 6 words. Percentage deductions to the TA score will be applied accordingly. You never want to write less than 150 words. I have seen exam takers actually fail based on the word count consideration alone. You don't want to fail based on a technicality. Always ensure that you write between 150-190 words. No more than 200.

The image description is incomplete. What kind of graph is it? What other information did it contain? This paragraph needs at least 3 descriptive sentences in it, aside from the trending statement. Remember that you are writing for a specific audience. The preliminary information must contain a proper first look or info summary.

* Limited review provided due to the lack of uploaded image.

Research Papers / A Look at Animal Agriculture from an Environmental Perspective [2]


Define and differentiate. These 2 are usually seen as connected but yeseparate environmental topics. Educate the people who may not know the difference .

Extensive research and all studies mean the same thing. Pick one and delete the redundant reference.There is an excessive use of in-text citations. sometimes a single paragraph presentation has 3 successive references. You do not try to extend the reference by providing your own opinion or understanding - of the information. It would appear that the essays more than 30% on citations. Try to reduce the other author references where you can. Or, force yourself to add personal input on an extensive scale after a quote so that the references do not look like a cop out in your presentation.

Writing Feedback / The line graph compares figures for daily travel of employee by three different transports in UK [2]

Where is the image? It will be hard to assess the accuracy and quality of your work without it. Please provide that next time. When you write the summary overview , provide the listed comparison points before you useit in the trending presentation. That will help the reader create the mental image from the very start. There should only be 1 trending sentence, not 2. The other trend you presented would havebeen better used in the succeeding analysis and comparison paragraphs. You appear to not really understand when to use thesingular and plural form of words. Familiarize yourself with those terms. When a numerical reference is in the millions, the plural form ofthe subject is used. Therefore, itis employees not employee.

Writing Feedback / My topic is about migrating drawbacks and how to improve urban life for all citizens [2]

Your restatement needs work. There was a point in the first sentence when you began to deviate from the original discussion, but managed to work your way back. You should not be stating an opinion in this presentation as that is not required. You instead, failed to give an actual example and solution as a part of your discussion basis in relation to the discussion instructions. Your reasoning paragraphs do not make use of transition sentences when moving from one topic to the next. Not only do transitions help with your GRA scare, but it also increases your C and C potential as the discussion points show a clear relationship in the paragraph.

The solutions are not well explained. You must provide convincing supporting reasons and examples for the solutions you provide. The current presentations need to be better developed and blended into a more convincing statement.

Undergraduate / "I need to believe that extraordinary is possible." Personal statement about urban life [2]

You did not provide the writing instructions for this personal statement so I cannot be sure about how applicable my observations / advice may be. I'll give it a shot anyway. I noticed that you wrote this essay based on the assumption that the reader is familiar with your background. As these essays are often read by strangers, a quick background introduction as to how you developed this interest and why you became passionate about it would have helped better establish what you learned and your feelings when participating in the activity.

The essay does not bring the reader into the world with you to experience the emotions and lessons. You have explained everything with a sense of detachment. This lack of emotional connection to what you are writing about is what led to an ineffective presentation. It is not interesting to read because you did notseem interested in what you are writing about.

Writing Feedback / The graph below shows changes in the distribution of average household income between 1965 and 2015. [2]

The lack of image will prevent me from giving your work a full review. Provide an image next lime to recieve a more thorough observation of your work. Let me start by indicating how your essay meets the minimum wordcount but does not satisfy the 3 paragraph information presentation/ format for the task. This leads to the assumption that not all the reporting requirements for the task were met or, barely met. Reading your work tells me that you rushed through the writing task. Several points could have been better compared and analyzed. However , the lack of image prevents me from pinpointing these sections. It isn't enough to just meet the word requirement. you also have to provethat you actually analyzed all of the data from the image.

Writing Feedback / What are the reasons for world poverty? The main factors of this phenomenon and possible solutions [2]

The essay is below the required minimum word count. The word percentage deductions tells me that you either did not know about the minimum word requirement or, you were hesitant in your writing due to a lack of knowledge on the topic or, a low English vocabulary level. Either reason is not good for your TA score as the low word count will mean TA score deductions based on the minimum word requirement. The essay has already failed the preliminary assesment even before the actual written content has been considered based on the 4 scoring sections.

There is a topic presentation in the first paragraph but no thesis statements based on the 2 discussion targets. Providing the 2 thesis sentences provides a summary of your upcoming discussion and will show how well you understood the questions in relation to the overall discussion. These thesis sentences help to increase your TA score based on your related discussion points in relation to the provided topic and questions, which are the basis for your 2 expanded reasoning paragraphs.


Hyperbolic assessments and exaggerations should not be included in the discussion as it could create topic deviations in your presentation. For instance, there are success stories based on the way that little educated people manage to become rich, or at least, lead financially stable lives. Avoid over exaggerations as that is not the same as emphasizing a point.

The reasoning paragraphs have an uneven explanation development. The causes paragraph is far better explained than the solutions portion. The second paragraph needs more explanations to support the solutions. I believe that it is the lack of discussion development in this paragraph that led to the lack of word count.

You do not have a problem understanding the prompt. You have a problem discussing the topic for unknown reasons. By the way, never use contractions in an academic essay. Always use the full 2 words due to formal writing requirements.

Next time, try to write more words. That is the only way you can meet minimum scoring requirements.

Scholarship / AAS Supporting Statement - Master of Urban Design and Master of Urban Planning [2]

Start the essay by introducing your academic background and relevant work experience. Do not make that information selective based onthe course and institution. Your presentation lacks fluidity and , information in the current format. Be clear about why you decided to become an urban planner based ona collective rather than selective platform at the start.


This information better suits the goals discussion. Put a pin in it for now.


You sound like you are lecturing the reviewer. - There is no clear professional reason for this choice.

You need to reflect an academic necessity and at least 2 professional goals. One for each course. Develop both explanations to help you create a more convincing response. Right now, the presentation is not well thought out and developed. The reviewer will definitely not be interested in this type of response. This is a written interview, not a casual inquiry. You don't seem like a serious applicant in this presentation. Bring out that side of interest in your explanation.

Writing Feedback / Waste is not treated efficiently so the authority should pass laws to promote adequate actions [3]

Your first paragraph sentence opens with a confusing statement. That is due to the incorrect sentence formation. The inclusion of the word "but" caused the sentence to lack any proper meaning. If that word had not been included, then the sentence would have made proper sense. Consider doing more sentence building exercises to avoid making similar mistakes in the future.

You provided your personal opinion and reason in the opening paragraph, but once again, you failed to properly format the sentence . Where is the extent response? The lack of it will affect the TA score based on the expected discussion format. Always double check your presentation for prompt adherence. oThat means. besure you have properly provided the discussion format and topics in the response final form you wrote.

This is not to be formatted as a comparative discussion. Unless specified in the discussion, all task 2 essays require only 2 single opinion supporting paragraphs. your essay will therefore be read and scored based only on the single reasoning paragraph that supports your opinion. Then your essay may fall under the minimum 250 word count, leading to word count deductions, possibly, and finally resulting in a failing score when all the sectional errors are included and totalled to create your final score.

Don't get me wrong, you understood the question. It is the discussion presentation that proved to be the weak point of your writing. I am confident though that since I have called your attention to your writing problem areas, that you will show improvements in these areas in your future presentations.

Writing Feedback / Should there be any restriction on how many years an educator may teach the same subject or grade [2]


Use the descriptive term "educators" rather than - "professors". The more generic reference allows you to generally discuss the teaching profession. Elementary and high school educators are called "teachers", while higher education level educators are referred to as " professor." Such word usage errors show a limited vocabulary understanding on your part and affects the authority of your discussion. Note that the prompt refers toa teacher, in reference to the lower educational level being referred to in the discussion. I am afraid this word reference error may indicate a lack of advanced English comprehension skills required of ESL learned educators in an American ENL school.


This personal opinion should be presented in the opening paragraph rather than the and because it contains your direct - regarding the topic discussion question.

While you do show an understanding of the topic, the examples, had these been based on yourpersonal experience , would have made for a far more convincing supporting discussion presentation.

As a future educator, you are also expected to know how to properly construct English sentences. Yet, this essay shows a lack of proper simple and complex sentence structure along with problematic punctuation mark usage. These are quite obvious in your final paragraph presentation. Based on these observations, you can deduce which sections you should focus onfor future writing improvement.

Writing Feedback / Island map - summaries the information and make comparisons where relevant [2]

The task 1 essay does not require an analysis nor a conclusion. Therefore, the reference to safety standards should not be mentioned. The conclusion at the end of your writing Is not required. So your essay has 2 format errors that will immediately reduce your TA score. The summary overview is also problematic as the information sounds too much like a cut and paste of the image description from the original presentation.That will be an additional TA deduction as well. at this rate, your TA errors alone will be enough to possibly fail your final score.

You failed to also use the standard and required 3 paragraph presentation for the analysis. The reason this happened is because you did not provide the before renovation description of the island. That was supposed to have been the 2nd paragraph. It would have come after the summary overview. The 3 paragraph format should have been:

Par.1- Summary overview
Par.2 - Description of image 1
Par.3 - Description of image 2 with simple comparisons to image 1.

No conclusions or personal opinion needs be presented in this task as it is only a data reporting essay.

Writing Feedback / IELTS 1 - The graph compares twelve countries in terms of the amount of Olympic medals they have won [2]

This paper doesn't have a good chance of receiving a passing score since the word count is only 130 words. It is severely under the 150 word minimum. Word count deductions shall heavily apply to the pre-scoring TA score. The lack of word count in the result of under analyzed paragraphs. A properly analyzed paragraph will always have an extended discussion format of 3-5 - sentences. Your paragraphs average 2 sentences per paragraph. This shows a lack of discussion outlining and brainstorming during the drafting process. improve the analysis presentation for a better overall scoring consideration. This is a good start. Now, try to write more words based on data analysis and comparisons. I will not point out other scoring problems at this point since I do not know ifthe errors can be avoided when you write at least 150 words. 175- 190 would be a good word target range for any task 1 presentation.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - Health and Life Habits [2]

The prompt paraphrase contains information not included in the original presentation which resulted in an over writing in your presentation. The actual discussions offer 2 reasons at any given point in the presentation, but suffer in explanation development. simply writing 300+ words will not assure you of a proper and high scoringpresentation. It will however , assure you of sectional scoring deductions.

There is a lack of proper discussion idea outlining on your part, within the 40 minute allowance which led to idea presentations in paragraphs, but very little in the way of idea development and explanation. Writing qualities that, when not present in the essay, result in lower C&C plus GRA scores. For example, "By way of conclusion " is incorrect grammar. The proper reference in this presentation is "To conclude this discussion...". By the way,that is a memorized placeholder phrase that I cannot advise you to use in the essay. Memorized phrases will lower your TA score. In this case,the TA and GRA scores will both receive deductions due to the use of a memorized phrase and incorrect grammar.

The word " think" is unacceptable. Your TA score is based on the clarity of your opinion. The aforementioned word indicates a doubt rather than conviction in your opinion. Avoid words of uncertainty so as not to incur additional TA deductions.

There is a lack of proofreading and editing in the presentation that will lower each scoring aspect of the test. It is more important to focus on delivering the scoring requirements than just a long unchecked and non-corrected essay.

Writing Feedback / The percentage of people who are sixty five and older in the USA, Sweden, and Japan [3]

Your essay is lacking in pauses. Those are sections where an end of the sentence is placed, allowing the reader to pause and understand the sentence before the introduction of a new but seperate idea. These is usually represented by a period which is then followed by a transition word, phrase, or sentence before the next information is presented. The presentation is therefore, long but difficult to follow. Idea presentations are difficult to relate within the discussions. You have to learn to write in a simple, quick, but easy to track manner. The prompt instructions lend itself to a 3 rather than 4 paragraph discussion format. Always look to the prompt for discussion paragraph numbering. Forcing a 4 paragraph presentation in a 3 paragraph essay will always lead to a lower c&c score for your presentation. Majority of the Task 1 prompts are only 3 paragraph presentations.

Writing Feedback / An increasing tendency to stay alone rather than be engaged in any relationship [3]

The essay was on track for the most part. oThe restatement, the discussion were all good and remained related tothe prompt, Discussion points had convincing examples and are based on sound logic and common sense. However, an example based upon your own experience rather thana generic person would have helped the coherenceand cohesiveness score a lot more as it would have helped show and advanced English comprehension skill on your part. Regardless, that does not remove the strength and validity of your discussion. an expanded summary conclusion would have also helped advance you C&C score as you would have shown a better summary skill based on pertinent data presentation. still, you did good work here. I am sure it would have gotten a high scoring consideration.