Writing Feedback / An introduction: negatives of city life [2]

In the first sentence, you need to use a comma to separate the clauses (residents, but) otherwise the sentence structure is all off. You should try to use clearer references in the essay as well. Do not use extra words that are not really needed in the presentation (for all of the inhabitants...). You should also remember that when writing formally, you need to spell out the words. Avoid the use of contractions. Those are only used in informal writing. It is never used in professional or academic writing. I am not sure why you used the term civic life in this essay. I believe you wanted to refer to city life instead. Try to build your English grammar. Make sure to use the correct descriptive word in your presentations because the wrong word usage will result in penalties for you in an English writing test.

Undergraduate / Naval Academy / Curious - USNA Personal Statement [2]

The interest in the Navy needs to show a progression on your part. The way you tell the story, it is as if you just picked up a magazine and that was that. After you picked up the magazine, you need to be able to show a progression of activities leading to the development of your interest that had the magazine information as a foundation. That part of your essay is too cut and dried. Boring, Uninformative.

The second part, in response to the question, needs to be presented in a formal and personal manner. This should talk about the event, in as much personal detail as you feel comfortable allowing. The events leading up to your character development and integrity must be specific. You have to be open in this interview. Your current presentation is just a glossing over of the question. You are avoiding a direct response which is not helpful to the creation of your application essay.

Writing Feedback / The number completed projects [4]

The Task 1 presentation is normally presented only within 3 paragraphs. That covers the following:

Summary overview + trending statement
First information batch
Second information batch

You have over extended the format for no reason. Try to come up with a more compressed format for your data report. Your essay is actually harder to follow because you divided the presentation into too many sections. The idea behind the task 1 report is to show your summarizing capabilities. How well can you explain information received using the least number of words and sentences? That is why there is the minimum word requirement. That is also why you are limited to 3 paragraphs for the presentation, with 4 being a new accepted format, which does not really help increase your scoring chances. All your sentences are run on because you tried to write more paragraphs, with more information thrown in. The proper paragraph format is composed of 3-5 sentences only. This is an inefficient writing format that did not really help prove your writing ability to the examiner.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1: people who visited four types of tourist attraction in Britain [5]

Your report is based on information accuracy. There is no reference to a survey being taken in the pie chart. It would be best not to include information that cannot be found in the image or original instructions for accuracy purposes. The image description is actually incomplete. There is also a bar chart to consider that indicates the amusement parks that the Brits visited. The summary overview is therefore, incomplete. There are 2 images presented. The pie and bar chart. Each chart should have received a specific presentation regarding information contained within. Additionally, this particular presentation requires 2 trending sentences. One for the pie chart and one for the bar chart. Information accuracy is important in a task 1 essay. Never omit any descriptions, identify all of the images presented individually and then within its own paragraphs in the stand alone paragraph presentation.

Letters / Write a letter to someone for a birthday present which has come just at the right time [3]

Okay, what is obvious from this presentation is that you do not have a very good grasp of the English language yet. Your vocabulary is at the beginner level and you not capable of properly using simple English words at this point. There are too many word spelling and usage errors for this type of letter writing to get a passing score in the Task 1 test.

For starters, you do not need to indicate that you are writing a thank you letter. Just say thank you. You do not need to explain what you are doing in the presentation. Next, your horrible English usage really prevented your essay from a passing LR scoring consideration. To show you a few errors:

happied - happened
lovelest = loveliest

There is a lack of clarity in the letter. Make it clear from the start that the camera your father gave you broke and that your friend gifted you with a replacement. That section is a bit confusing to read. Do not use connecting words (but) at the start of a sentence. Use a comma at the end of the previous sentence instead and then use the word "but" to signify a continued thought / sentence writing process.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Line Graph: changes in the yearly income of Bernie's Buns, Lovely Loaves, and Robbie's Bakery [3]

For the summary overview, you should have included that the measured digits represent the yearly income of the bakeries. That way the reader is clear from the very start regarding what sort of income projections are being presented in your report. You need a connecting word between "until decreased". The connecting word is "It". You kind of missed out on a comparative point in the presentation. For the year 2006, Robbie's and Lovely loaves almost had the same figures. with a very slight difference. You need to try to find at least 1 not so easily spotted piece of information to present in your report so that the examiner will be convinced that you actually took the time to analyze all of the information and graphical data in the presentation. That can really help boost your TA plus C&C score.

Writing Feedback / Youthful population versus Aging population [4]

Stop using big words like incontrovertible, detrimental, victuals, etc. You are obviously memorizing words from the dictionary, without really considering if the words you are choosing to use are applicable to the sentence or not. That is not how you increase your LR score. You have to make the essay sound natural. You don't need to use complicated and archaic English words to prove your LR capacity. Using simple to intermediate words, that feel natural in the presentation, almost conversational in presentation, will get you a better TA score. Do not try to impress the examiner with complicated words because, he simply will not be impressed.

In the second sentence of your opening statement, simply using the comma takes the place of the word "but" in the presentation. By adding that opposing word at the wrong place in the sentence, you created confusion in the presentation and meaning of your sentence. You have some issues with your singular v. plural word usage so brush up on those rules (means v mean). More concise language presentations will also help you get a better C&C score.

Scholarship / KGSP: Motivations with which you apply for this program - Why South Korea? Psychology. [2]

Ditch the second paragraph altogether. Work instead on presenting 2 facets of motivation, the social and the educational. You have the social down pat. The educational, should have you discussing how South Korean psychologists have inspired you to become one yourself. Give a short version of how your interest in the course developed first. Then explain how your interest in South Korean society led to your discovery of their advanced psychological field. Show the reviewer that you are familiar with South Korean psychological methods and then explain why you believe that learning these in an actual school setting will help set you apart from your peers at home. That should help create a better and more relevant motivation discussion for your essay.

Writing Feedback / Essay IELTS Writing Part 2 about the provision of free-of-charge education of governments [3]

Try to write within the 250-290 word count for this essay. You only have 40 minutes to complete your discussion and I am afraid that you will not have enough time to complete your writing in an actual test setting when you aim to write 327 words. You need to allot time for editing and improvements of your presentation. You cannot do that when you only focus on an increased word count. It will not work. Not within 40 minutes. As it is, this presentation has several spelling, cohesiveness, and coherence problems in the presentation that you failed to find and address during your writing process. Never write an essay and consider it complete and ready for scoring when you are done writing. That is only the start of the scoring process. You need to find your errors, correct them, or change them, just to make sure that you have the least errors left in the paper at the end of 40 minutes. That is how you score well.

You should avoid using the comparative presentation for this essay because you are asked to pick one side, agree or disagree, to give a measured response to. A comparative essay makes it appear as though you have not made a decision regarding an opinion to support, which will lower your TA score. You need to pick a side and clearly define your reasons for supporting it within 2 reasoning paragraphs. Although you gave a measured opinion in the paraphrase, your actual discussion does not support that stance so you may have a problem with your final score in the end based on the error in response format and other mistakes I pointed out earlier.

Letters / Cover letter to apply for the position of University Assistant [3]

The cover letter does use bullet points to highlight your skills. However, the bullet points are not used merely as paragraph markers, which is what you did in this letter. The bullets should only be single lines that highlight your skills as acquired at the universities you attended and whatever relevant jobs you have had over 11 years. This essay is nothing but a bulleted personal statement, which is not what a cover is all about. The cover letter should merely call the attention of the reviewer to your marked credentials which you feel help to better explain your qualifications as a candidate. The detailed explanations you gave should only be found in the application essays if any are required. Otherwise, they will learn more about you from your resume. Shorten the bullet points. Make it really stand out by making the presentation notable, without using paragraphs to do so. You may want to consider a professional writing editor for this task. A professional can help shorten your bullet points in a more proper manner.

Writing Feedback / Many people say that we have developed into a "throw-away society" [5]

The essay is short of the minimum word count by 2 words. You have 248 words out of 250 words. Yes, there will still be a slight deduction of percentage points due to this. Nobody can expect to get past the percentage deduction for coming in under the word count. So be careful and remember to keep track of your words.

Please remember to not use connecting words like "and" at the start of a sentence. If you want to use that word, then use a comma in the previous sentence after using "and". That way it will connect 2 thoughts into one sentence.

Your paragraphs are not very well thought out nor developed. You should learn to outline your discussion process before writing. Don't just keep typing or writing and then hope that the paragraph will make sense, because it won't. You have to clearly connect your sentences using a clear writing process:

Sentence 1 - Topic
Sentence 2 - Reason
Sentence 3 - Explanation
Sentence 4 - Example
Sentence 5 - Explanation to support the example

Unless you can provide a clear discussion presentation based on the above format, or a variation thereof, your paragraphs will remain unclear to the reader.

Scholarship / RMIT Personal Statement - Leadership and Digital Marketing [2]

Your reason for believing you deserve this scholarship is unimpressive. Have you studied the requirements of the scholarship? Look at the mission and objectives of the scholarship. Do you fit into their world in any way? Does your leadership skill actually lend itself to the type of leader that the scholarship is looking for? You do not really showcase a leadership role in a manner that would impress the reviewer. The academic leadership is good, but they are looking for social leaders and future innovators who can bring a higher profile to the scholarship in the future. Based on that requirement, your essay does not work well towards promoting your interest in the scholarship. Use extra curricular leadership activities. That is what the prompt states. Do not use the debate club. You should prove to be a community leader more than anything else.

Writing Feedback / Six different languages with the most native speakers - IELTS - TABLE [5]

Your explanation become less clearer by the paragraph. Your first paragraph, the summary overview, was quite good and informative. It was composed of useful information and gave an effective trending statement. However, the second paragraph lacks information. You should have a total of at least 3 sentences per paragraph. That way you can fully utilize the scoring rubic to your advantage.

Since you wrote only 140 out of the 150 minimum words for this essay, I do not expect it to get a passing score in an actual test. You will have percentage deductions for the missing 10 words, which could have a direct effect on the ability of your essay to gain a passing score. Remember, run-on sentences are the enemy of an essayist. Avoid long sentences in order to give a clearer discussion and also,. portray more complex and simple sentences within the presentation. You are scored on that heavily in the GRA section. That score could spell the difference for you in the end.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2 why do people change jobs regularly? [4]

Your prompt restatement is really confusing to read. You are combining two ideas into one sentence, which blurs the meaning of the sentence. You are creating run-on sentences that result in an incoherent presentation. Use only one thought or idea in every sentence. Avoid redundant declarations such as "trend" and "world is changing fast". The term "time to time" in recent days is also a confusing phrase. Basically, that prompt paragraph does not make any sense and could result in a failing TA score due to a failed attempt at presenting an idea in the paraphrase.

This is only a 4 paragraph essay as there are only 2 questions to be answered in the paragraph presentation. The first one is the cause of job changes and the other, is how people can prepare for it. You do not really need the second reason. You were not asked to present "reasons" , just a singular cause of the action. So you really went too far with the causes discussion.

Your preparation discussion is not very well presented. You are using a connecting word at the start of the paragraph. Since there is no previous sentence topic to connect, you should not use a connecting word at that point. Your reasons are good but little explained and developed. Again, a single response topic would have sufficed. You would have scored better by presenting one valid and fully explained reason to the examiner rather than presenting 2 reasons that are not really well supported in your explanation.

Writing Feedback / The dark side of globalization should not be ignored [4]

There is a glaring error in the approach that you took to this discussion. The original prompt asks you to take a stance as to whether globalization has its drawbacks. The answer is either yest or no, with justifications. It is not a comparative essay as you mistakenly instructed in your prompt paraphrase. You also used the term "tread" when you meant to use the word "trend". There is a big difference between the two words. Look it up. Never use words in the essay that just sound correct to you. If you are not sure of the spelling or word meaning, do not use it. That will immediately drag down your LR and GRA scores. I am not sure why you are discussing a dark side. making the essay graver than the original topic sounds.

The essay itself is not properly formatted for a 40 minute time frame. You presented a class opinion paper, a research paper length discussion when this should have only been a 20 sentence paper at the most. You have over discussed and, in an actual setting, would not have been able to complete this type of presentation. You need to review the work of other students so that you can get a better idea of how to write a quick response essay that will be complete in discussion and acceptable in terms of format. This essay went overboard. It would not work within an actual test setting, regardless of whether it is computer or pencil based.

Scholarship / Marriage Idea - On QuestBridge short answers [2]

The assumption of the promptnis that you will physically meet a historical figure and spend some time.e with that person. So the narration should be in a conversational form. You cannot use a letter format for your response. You also assume that the historical figure is alive today. Which isn't the case. Try to give the historical figure a background of the modern marriage first. Then ask your questions. Your last paragraph is a bit opinionated when you are asking Ms. Austen for her opinion. Perhaps try to aim for a more general closing statement that leaves the door open for the potential presentation of her responses. You could indicate that as you explained modern marriage, she was in awe, had some questions of her own, she opinionated in a relevant manner even though she is from another Era, depict the conversation as a learning and meeting of minds from 2 different centuries, where you discovered that the old, is not so different from the new.

Scholarship / "If you are not willing to risk the unusual, you'll have to settle with the ordinary"-Jim Rohn [5]

Are you applying for the GKS-U program? You didn't really specify what scholarship you are applying for or, what prompt you are responding to. So I am not really sure about how to direct your essay towards improvements to the content.

What I did notice is that the essay is weak in terms of connecting your motivation and experiences towards a clear college major. Your experiences do not create the idea that you have been training all your academic life for this particular course. Your interest in business does not connect with the debate club. There is no real leadership evidence in the presentarion although you mention preparing for that.

Reviewers do not really accept excuses in application letters. Remove the reference to being unable to take the language qualifying exams. You should have made some sort of reference to learning Hangul and a desire to take the TOPIK. Test along with IELTS.

It would be better for you to review the GKS-U essay requirements and then go back and write a new one. One better suited to the information requirements. You do not need the quotation at the start. Just make sure to provide the details as required by the topic instruction sheet and the essay should become better than this version.

Letters / Interested in advance computer course [3]

Since you are asking for an exemption regarding your admission, you need to explain the reasons why you believe you qualify for admission even if you do not have a relevant background in the course. Although you mention having basic computer use knowledge based on home and work experience, that is not enough to qualify you for admission.

You should also specifically mention what computer course was mentioned in the ad that you saw. The reference you gave was a general course description. You need to be more specific about the course title. Relate your on the job compuyer experience with it if possible. An additional explanation of how the course will help you on the job will also be an added plus to your request for exemption.

Overall, the letter needs to have more information in it based upon your exemption request. This is a good draft that can be better with additional information worked in.

Writing Feedback / Is boarding at school ideal for students in contrast to staying at home with their parents? [3]

Try to respond directly to the question being asked before you give your opinion. Do you agree or disagree?

I agree that undergraduate students will benefit from living away from their parents. That is because (state your 2 reasons).

Always be precise in your response because your TA score depends on it. Always format the rephrased section using the 3-5 sentence format for optimal scoring potential in that section.

You are not providing a discussion of a specific reason in your second paragraph. You are only outlining your discussion topics. That is not the same as developing your paragraph ideas and explanations. Use only 1 topic per paragraph and fully explain your support for that idea through personal opinion, examples, and supporting evidence within the discussion paragraph. Using your personal experience will help you score better as you will be using explanations that you can strongly support and clearly present to the reader.

The conclusion is also incorrect. Please provide a summary of the topic and reasons you discussed, along with a restatement of your response to the question. The concluding paragraph is used as a discussion reminder only. It should not be an open discussion presentation because that leaves you with an open ended presentation rather than a concluded discussion.

Writing Feedback / IETLS Writing Task 2 Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. [4]

The 4 paragraph discussion format of this essay requires you to present your opinion in the middle and towards the end of the reasoning presentations. The format is:

Sentence 1: Public Opinion
Sentence 2: Reason for the public opinion
Sentence 3: Personal opinion of the public opinion
Sentence 4: Your counter reason explanation
Sentence 5: Additional explanation or example to support your opinion

Your concluding paragraph requires that you wrap up the discussion in that paragraph. You cannot present a personal opinion there because you are to only summarize the discussion by that point. If you want to have a personal opinion as a stand alone paragraph then use the 5 paragraph discussion format:

Par. 1: Paraphrase + Discussion instruction restatement
Par. 2: First public point of view + explanation
Par 3: Second point of view + explanation
Par. 4: Personal opinion + explanation
Par. 5: Concluding summary / recap

Pick one discussion style and use it. Personally, I ask my beginner students to use the 5 paragraph format to help them get used to the writing style first. After about 5 essays using the same instruction, that is when I allow them to use the 4 paragraph format. They are already familiar with personal explanation presentations at that point. The choice is yours.

Writing Feedback / Many developing countries place a lot of importance on tourism. Positive or negative development/ [2]

The prompt paraphrase section is incomplete and problematic. You need to use at least 3 sentences in this presentation composed of:
- Topic restatement
- State the reason you think this is happening
- Indicate if you believe this is a positive or negative development
- Give a single reason why you believe this

An additional problem of the presentation is the memorized phrase usage of the term "place a lot of importance on tourism". Since this is taken directly from the original prompt, it will be perceived as a cut and paste presentation, thereby lowering your TA score to the cut and paste scoring level. It will give your scoring foundation a bad start.

Your first sentence in your second paragraph is difficult to understand. Do not focus on using complicated words to express yourself. Aim for clarity using simple words, you will score better in the LR and GRA section that way instead of using complicated words that will make it difficult for the reader to understand your point.

The Task 2 essay is composed only of 4-5 paragraphs, depending upon the number of writing instructions as provided by the prompt. In this case, there are 2 direct questions asked so you have to write no more than 4 paragraphs composed of :

- Paraphrase + question responses
- First question explanation
- Second question explanation
- Concluding summary

Your essay is not well focused and has several GRA, spelling, clarity, and conciseness problems. These are errors that I will not worry about for now. I would rather that you learn how to properly format the essay first, then learn to correct the rest of the errors second. The format carries a heavy scoring consideration, which is why I need you to focus on that aspect of your writing first.

Writing Feedback / Essay about my experience in countryside [2]

There is a difference between an essay and a statement. An essay has at least 250 words in it. While a statement can be around 150 words only. You called this an essay but you did not provide enough word count for this writing to qualify as an essay. This is a mere statement. What you have are actually topic ideas that you can expand into paragraph presentations. A 5 paragraph presentation would be a simple essay presentation based on this topic. While the presentation has interesting ideas that certainly catch the reader's attention, your presentation does not fully develop any explanation or descriptive points. It fails to continue being interesting as far as the reader is concerned. You need to figure out if you are writing a statement or an essay. If this is just a statement, then the summarized presentation is fine. If you are writing an essay though, this is nothing more than a discussion outline. It does not qualify as an essay presentation.

Reviewing this essay though, I noted several formality problems in your presentation along with some conciseness, spelling, and grammar issues. Please avoid using contractions in your presentation. Since this is an academic writing piece, always spell out the word (don't = do not, I've = I have, there's= there is), double check your helping verb issues, and always capitalize the letter I due to pronoun usage rules.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Average percentages of sodium, saturated fats and added sugars in typical meals consumed [3]

Good analysis paragraphs. You presented a truly analytical presentation of the information from the pie chart. However, your summary overview isn't very good. You used only a run-on sentence in that presentation when it should still have used the 3-5 sentence format for the paragraph. Missing from your presentation are the trending sentence and properly divided overview information inclusive of a measurement type. While the summary may have some problems, the rest of your analysis information are well developed and easily understood. You have spelling issue though. The word is "fourth", which indicates the ordinal number after third. Forth means to go forward. Be aware of your word spelling and usage as errors in that section will affect your LR and GRA scores.

Writing Feedback / This essay will outline the justification of long hours work and why this is a negative trend [2]

In the rephrased presentation, you should try to avoid making claims that are not included in the original prompt. For example, you cannot claim that working is a part of everyone's life these days. Everyone is too all encompassing from the children, the adults, and the elderly. The presentation is then making an exaggerated task claim that would make the representation of the statement partly incorrect. You need to make sure that the claims you make will be supported by the original statement. You could have instead said that working is something that all adults have to do. You should not be calling this a reform either. Reform means to alter something. In this case, there is no alteration. Rather is is a negative development, as it is a practice that has developed over time.

Do not say "First of all" if there is no second or third reference in the succeeding presentations. Simply state the topic sentence and move on with the justified discussion presentation. In the second paragraph, you are making a claim about the government. You are offering an opinion about an action the government should take. That is a prompt deviation. You were not being asked what the government should do in the original question set so you should not be presenting a solution or comment where none is required.

You should not be presenting an opinion in the concluding paragraph. If you wanted to present a first person opinion, you should have integrated it into your previous reasoning paragraphs. The concluding paragraph is only always used as the summarized presentation of your discussion points. You cannot continue the discussion in that section as you end up with an open ended essay presentation.

By the way, a quick check of your errors shows that you have several errors in the grammar and Coherence sections of your presentation. Remember to edit your work before considering it final in form. The lack of editing on your part resulted in avoidable errors, if you had proof read your paper first.

Research Papers / Why now is the time for the U.S. to adopt universal health care legislation [3]

For starters, do not use a directly referenced situation as the hook of your research paper. You need to create a fictionalized account instead. That is because the first paragraph should not, if possible start with referenced sources. You are still establishing your thesis statement so verified information is not yet required in this section. Providing a fictional version of the same event will be acceptable. Simply use the words "Imagine how people were left severely lacking in information about Covid-19 at the start of this pandemic..." An imaginative hook will be better than a quoted source. Additionally, you should refrain from giving such a definite opinion at the end of the thesis statement. You should only refer to what you hope to prove through the discussion of researched information, saving your confirmatory opinion for the final few paragraphs instead.

Undergraduate / Texas A&M Transfer Essay- Agricultural Economics/ Agricultural Business [2]

Remove the last 2 paragraphs as these are irrelevant to the discussion prompt. Not only that, but it is also a bit insulting to your parents to say they are "not the brightest crayon in the box." Such a slight insult might not sit well with the reviewer. Focus the discussion only on the target points of the questions provided. From what I can tell, the essay addressed these questions creatively in the first 4 paragraphs. It would be better if your replaced the last 2 paragraphs with a reference to perhaps taking over your father's luffa business or something. Show how there is a direct influence between your interest in agribusiness and the work your father did. Speak of specific career goals based on a personal and professional level. Those presentations should help the essay close on a stronger note than explaining why you chose the university, which was not asked in the first place.

Writing Feedback / Some people think that in the future lots of changes will occur that will improve our society [4]

The main discussion instruction for this essay is "Do you agree or disagree?" The secondary discussion point is "What kind of changes will occur?" Based on the discussion path that was set out for you in the original prompt, it appears that your response is not related to the topic provided. The topic being the 2 discussion questions provided to guide your discussion.

Your response is related to positive and negative, merit and demerits. There is no proper response to the question outlined in the paraphrase section. You will start your scoring consideration at the lowest possible level because of this error. When you are asked a yes or no question, respond with a yes or no response. When asked if you agree or disagree, respond in the same manner. Failure to do so will alter the discussion instruction, as what happened in your essay, causing a scoring deduction for you.

Your conclusion offers an opinion where none was required by the original prompt. These prompt deviations are the biggest problem of your presentation as these alter the discussion instructions, causing you to create your own essay topic and presentation format. It does not follow the expected response format. Due to this alteration, your essay will not be able to receive a passing score. Your TA error will make sure of that.

Scholarship / The country I did not belong. 2020 GKS-U PERSONAL STATEMENT SCHOLARSHIP [5]

There is a major problem with your application. You already have a previous undergraduate degree and now you are getting another one. Try to justify that better in your essay? The essay is truly dramatic rather than academic in approach. I can sense you emotions in the writing, which is not good for your essay. Pull back on the emotions and be more professional / academic in your presentation. Focus on developing / justifying the reason why you are pursuing a second course as a part of your motivation to apply for the program. Connect the "country where I do not belong" to your motivation to belong somewhere, in this case, Korea. Less drama, more pondering about your future. Relate everything back to Korea whenever you can. Target a convincing argument regarding your new course of interest, why it is important that you do this, and how it relates to your interest in Korea or, can help you become a better professional with a second major degree. Discuss your degree of interest in a merged manner with your previous course and other relevant courses.

Writing Feedback / The bar chart below shows numbers of Australia local, national, international and mobile calls [2]

Your presentation can be clearer. In the first paragraph, you should be listing the 3 categories from the image along with the measurement value used (calls in minutes). By the way, it is "Australian telephone calls" not "Australia telephone calls". Australia is the country, Australians as the people who live in Australia. Be careful of your word usage. Make sure to not call the people of a country by the country name accidentally. That is really a serious LR error.

Your trending statement is one sentence short to make it an acceptable paragraph. A good paragraph has 3 sentences in it. The best paragraph has 5 sentences in it. However, It is not just the number of sentences that matter. A proper mix of simple and complex sentences are required for a better GRA score. Your last paragraph doesn't really help you reflect that so you should make sure that you do a better job with your sentence structure next time.

Research Papers / Is CBD Right for My Kid(s) [2]

You may want to consider creating a clearer thesis statement in the first paragraph. You are practically starting in the middle of the presentation instead of at the beginning. You are lacking a proper introduction to what CBD is, what type of children it medicates, and why it is recommended as a normal part of treatment. Always assume that your reader is not a professional and will not have a background on the issue. A clear explanation of the illness that the medicine treats and what your paper is going to try to prove through various researched evidence will help set up the actual purpose of the paper. It should also allow the reader to somewhat know what to expect throughout your presentation.

In the last paragraph, you create a redundancy when you ask the same question twice. Try to rephrase one of the two questions to avoid repetition. In my opinion, the last 2 sentences are no longer needed in this presentation since you are already reiterating that all options should be offered. So asking the guide questions are no longer going to help. It actually weakens your discussion when you close the research with a question rather than a statement.

Writing Feedback / The three pie charts show information on how three countries deal with waste products [4]

The summary overview should have indicated the types of waste management as indicated in the pie chart. A listing of the shared methods, as well as the unique UK methods in the overview would have helped to create a better understanding of the data information accompanying the images.

All of your paragraphs are just long sentences. These run-on presentations fail to show your range of punctuation knowledge and grammar abilities. There is no real reflection of a mix of simple and complex sentences in the paragraphs. You should try to use more variety in your written presentation. Try to divide the presentations into 3 sentences per paragraph to at least show an effort when it comes to trying to write sentences in various formats.

Writing Feedback / The advances in air travel are focused only for the upper class [2]

The opening paraphrase should, as much as possible never contain any keywords from the original prompt. That means there need to be alternative reference to air travel (overseas tours, plane movement, air sightseeing, etc.), upper class (rich, people who can afford to travel, affluent members of society, etc.), and benefits (gain, perks, etc). Your opinion is contradictory. Either you agree or disagree. You cannot do both. There is no "I agree with both sides" option in your response choices. You should pick only one side to defend since this is NOT:

- an extent essay
- a comparative essay

So the main problem with your presentation is the lack of a clear opinion in the discussion. Rather than discussing and defending only one side of the issue, you opted to try and agree with both. A decision that will reflect a score that means you do not have a clear opinion presented in the essay. You are not discussing the essay based on the required or expected format so the essay may not get an impressive overall score in the end.

Writing Feedback / IELTS1: American consumers' average yearly expenses on moblie phone and landline phone services [3]

You have improperly formatted the presentation. The normal presentation for this report falls under the 3 paragraph presentation comprised of:

Group 1: Summary overview + trending statement
Group 2: Immediate information presentation
Group 3: Analyzed information + overlapping information presentation

While I strongly advocate for the clarity that the 3 paragraph presentation allows for in this presentation, that is not to say that the 4 paragraph presentation is incorrect. However, I find that the 4 paragraph presentation forces the student to write more, without actually considering the clarity and relevance of the presentation, which is the focal point of scoring in the Task 1 essay.

Writing more will never assure a student of getting a better score. That is clearly seen in your presentation where spelling, coherence, and cohesiveness issues remained in the presentation. A clear sign that you decided to meet the word count only, regardless of the quality of the presentation in relation to the scoring rubic.

The information overview would have been more complete if you had taken the time to also add the source of the information. Kindly remember that if an information source is included in the image, that should be reported as well based on the accuracy of data requirement of the presentation. The source material reference can help create a better sense of validity for the information presentation.

Writing Feedback / The charts below show the percentage of volunteers by organizations in 2008 and 2014. [3]

The summary overview is incomplete in presentation. Always provide a run-down of the easily seen information such as the number of charts, the measurement type, and the volunteer fields provided in the original image. Having said that, you first sentence is not change enough to be considered a restatement of the original instruction. It is 99% similar to the original so this will directly affect your TA score. You need to add more information, as I specified here, to prove that you understood the original prompt and varied the presentation to the point of originality.

Your 2014 review is not as complete as the 2008 chart. You spent too much time working on the trending statement, which should have been only a single sentence in the presentation. It is the improper focus on the trending presentation that caused your essay to be less informative than it should have been overall. Next time, try using the simple summary overview that produces the 3 paragraph essay instead. You should find that you end up presenting a clearer and better representative report than the 4 paragraph method that forces you to write more, but with less focus on the content, which is what you are primarily scored on on the Task 1 presentation.

Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 2 - Films making [3]

The first paragraph needs to be better presented. It lacks proper discussion development in relation to how a micro budget, based on the current digital film making trend has become useful to film makers. Explain why this is so and how it happened. Justify your reason. That way the last 2 explanations you provide will be better anchored to the first part of the presentation. It will add to the clarity of the reasoning provided.

Try not to open each paragraph with the same word (Digital) as there should be a clear presentation of alternative terms in the essay. Using the same word every time could limit your LR score as it will show a limited English range on your part. By the way, your second reasoning paragraph is far better explained than the first one. Try to aim for the same type of clarity in all your paragraphs next time.

Your concluding paragraph fails to properly restate the preceding discussion. As such, it cannot be considered a proper recap of the presented topics. Use 3-5 paraphrased sentences, based on your reasoning presentation and the original topic, to accomplish this task next time.

Scholarship / "I am trapped" - My Personal Statement - Global Korea Scholarship [2]

The English grammar in this essay is inconsistent and reflects the use of an English translation software during a majority of the writing process. It is not very effective in delivering your thoughts because of this. Your essay is held back by the difficulty in understanding most of your paragraphs. The clarity of your sentiment is, well, lost in translation. It would be better if you hire a professional to help you smooth out the presentation and edit the content presentation to help it gain more clarity.

The presentation itself is running too long because of the lack of focused presentation. It needs to be more concise to help the reviewer easily understand your background. One of the lacking aspects in the presentation has to do with the person who served to influence you as a role model in life. The lack of proper introduction of the person in the statement makes the reader question the qualities and qualifications of this person who seems to have helped you turn your life around.

The reference to High School number 10 does not make sense. Remember, the reviewer is not familiar with your educational system so you have to give a short background explanation regarding why this failure is something that should be noted on your part, in relation to your scholarship application.

Writing Feedback / Task 2: who are responsible for teaching children moral principles: parents or teachers ? [3]

There are actually several prompts that relate to your given topic. As such, I cannot be sure as to the discussion approach you have chosen to take. You need to provide a better version of the original prompt the next time you ask us to review your essay. Just as your response needs to be accurate, so does our review of your work. That can only be accomplished when we know what we need to review in your paper.

Avoid making exaggerated comments in your essay. Examiners do not like it when you use over statements such as "controversial debate" in the presentation. These essays always opine or discuss but never "debate". You should also use more appropriate alternative terms in your essay. There is a difference between a caregiver, who is someone tasked with the personal care of another person, and a teacher, who is an educator or a person in charge of teaching younger people about certain life and educational requirements.

Saying "By way of inclusion" is incorrect for a concluding statement. Perhaps you meant to say "In conclusion". Work on your vocabulary skills and commonly used English phrases. It appears you are still confused as to English word usage and meaning at this point. More reading materials in English, as well as more dictionary references in relation to word meaning before usage should help you in that department.

Writing Feedback / SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT CULTURAL TRADITIONS MAY BE DESTROYED WHEN THEY ARE USED AS MONEY-MAKING [4]

The prompt for this essay requires a discussion of both opinions and then a presentation of your personal opinion. Based on the discussion requirements, it appears that you did not follow the writing instructions. You have chosen to use the A/D format where it was not stated. Therefore, your essay response is not going to get a passing score. You wrote an essay that does not relate to the discussion requirements of the original prompt. This shows a lack of English comprehension skills. That is due to your failure to represent the discussion based on the 3 reasoning paragraph format. As such, I strongly urge you to review the methods by which the Task 2 essay is responded to based upon the original instructions. You can use the sample essays at this forum to accomplish that. That would be the better way for you to learn how to approach the discussion requirements since the review of the work of others can help you better develop your own writing skills.

Letters / My academic performance - Review my SAP appeal letter & critique [3]

Being a first generation college student, as well being the daughter of immigrants is not an excuse. Do not include that in the letter. It sounds like you are asking for a pass simply because you are not a native of the country where you are currently residing. The Covid 19 pandemic is a tired excuse that all of the current unsuccessful students will be using. You need to add some other reasons for your failure other than Covid 19 and mental health. All of the students are currently claiming that Covid 19 has affected their performance in school due to the lack of classroom setting. Your letter, in other words, is nothing special. It is using the same tired excuse that the students this semester are falling back on. The letter is not emotional enough in appeal to warrant your readmission to the university. The situation about your sibling being a frontliner, your father's accident, all of these are not acceptable excuses. I have seen students be rejected for readmission based on far more serious reasons than what you present here. Attaching the health report of your father is useless as he is not the one applying for readmission. If you can attach a certification from your mental health professional that will attest to your current mental state and certify the medical steps that have been taken to help you better respond to the blended learning situation, then maybe you stand a chance. Like I said, there are too many failed students this semester, all using the same excuse, so your reapplication is a stretch. The reasons and solutions you state do not seem strong enough to convince a readmission officer to give you another chance.

Essays / The Humphrey Fellowship Program - Essays questions clarification is needed [3]

1. No, this is not a personal statement question. Rather, this question relates more to the motivational aspect of your studies. You are expected to address your professional goals in this essay as it relates to any specific government programs or projects that apply to your occupation.

2. Yes, all of the specifications you mentioned fall under public service. However, you need to make sure that you respond to the essay using leadership qualifications rather than mere group participation or assistant roles. Team Leader responsibilities would be a big plus in this discussion.

3. The program has specific course focuses and requirements. These have a vast array of applications when it comes to your professional requirements. As the potential scholar, you should know what your academic focus should be in relation to the subjects you need to study or specific academic requirements in relation to your professional development. As you complete the course, you should explain how you will be rolling out your acquired knowledge within the workplace. Yes, the time frame is 5 years. Normally, a mid-range career plan presentation would work best in this scenario. Yes, you have to design your learning program in relation to the program. Focus on 2 things for your program development:

1. Professional goals
2. Academic requirements in relation to the professional goals.

Keep the new questions coming if you need to. Responding to you isn't a bother at all.