Writing Feedback / IELTS T2 View on shopping becoming a hobby instead of a routine domestic task [4]

I believe that your discussion is in error. You discussed the act of creating goods for shopping and its benefits to the businessmen and society. The actual discussion was asking about shopping changing from being a routine task, meaning something people have to do repeatedly, whether they want to or not, to becoming a hobby, meaning people do it for fun. Your essay did not consider the actual application of the keywords "hobby" and "routine task" . Due to your misunderstanding of the keywords, you did not properly develop the essay. It should have reflected the attitude of people towards shopping which is, from being something they have to do even if they don't want to, to something that they are doing regularly because they get benefits from doing it as a hobby. As a routine task, shopping means always buying the same goods every time you go to the store. By shopping as a hobby, one can buy different things are various stores, it is no longer a preset list of items to buy every week, hence the term "routine task".

Writing Feedback / Adverts all around us. Opinion on whether advertising is positive to our lives. [3]

Avoid often used phrases such as "In this modern day and age". It comes across as a memorized phrase to the examiner. Do not use the word "undoubtedly" either as the essay is asking you to discuss an opinion about the opinion presented. That means, there are doubts about the discussion since there are 2 points of view about it. You are offering a matter of fact opinion when in actuality, there are only discussion opinions and no proven side.

Your 1st reasoning paragraph is under developed. Well, the first part is under developed but the 2nd part is fully developed. You should have removed the first reason because you were not properly able to defend that opinion. This is why I always ask the student to use only 1 topic per paragraph. It is difficult to fully develop 2 reasons in one paragraph within 5 sentences. You can only successfully develop one reason per paragraph unless you know how to properly connect the discussion using transition sentences in the paragraph. The same situation occurred in the 2nd reasoning paragraph as well.

Your recap is incorrect. You did not properly summarize the discussion points. Those need to be restated in that section to properly conclude the essay based upon the expected format.

Writing Feedback / IETLS Task 1 - The graph includes the proportion of households owned and rented in England and Wales [4]

You are really shortchanging yourself by writing only 154 words. The best bet you have for scoring better with the Task 1 essay is to write between 175-190 words. That means, you should write about 3 sentences per paragraph, avoiding run on sentences in the process. You did not properly identify the image. It is not a graph. It is a bar graph. You should be specific about the image type because there are several versions of every image provided. By using the specific image name, you will show that you have properly prepared yourself for the test.

What is the measurement value being used? Your summary information could be more complete. Adding it to the first paragraph would have been more appropriate in terms of completing the summary presentation requirement. All of your paragraphs are under developed. You need to add more analysis to your paragraphs. You are not really analyzing the information. You are just presenting the information, without a true explanation or analysis of the data.

The best way to approach the essay would have been to separate the comparative discussions. Paragraph 2 for one sector, paragraph 3 for the other sector. That would have helped you to present a clearer comparison information for data specific to each section.You do not need to try and present both sectors in the same paragraph. That makes the discussion confusing for the reader.

Writing Feedback / It has become an issue of whether it is more beneficial to travel in our own country or not [7]

Do not use the phrase "spectrum of reasons" because you are only allowed to present 2 reasoning paragraphs in this essay. You should be saying either "due to 2 specific reasons" or "a couple of reasons". Both of which refer to the number of reasoning paragraphs you will be presenting. A "spectrum" refers to several reasons, which you cannot present in this essay.

You have written 348 words for this essay. Way more than the maximum 290 word requirement. You would most likely go over the 40 minute writing allowance for this essay. The best way to ensure that you meet the maximum presentation requirement would be to make sure that you always write within 3-5 sentence only with every paragraph. This is the formatting requirement for this type of essay. 4 paragraphs, each paragraph with 3-5 sentences each. You will definitely score well when you follow that format. The concluding statement should be better presented. Use a summary format for that paragraph. Summarize your previous topic and discussion points. That is the information required in that section, that is why it is called a concluding summary.

Writing Feedback / Nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything online [3]

The task 2 essay has a word ceiling of 290 words. Do not exceed that word count so that you can properly focus on developing your content and correcting the errors in your essay. With 40 minutes to complete this task, you should leave at least 5-10 minutes to proof read, edit, and finalize your essay content. You actually made several errors in this essay that you should have worked on to get a better score with this essay. The errors are in the spelling, grammar, clarity, and conciseness sections of your presentation. You should have been able to spot and correct the mistakes if you had taken the time to edit your work instead of over writing your essay. A long essay, with several errors in scoring considerations, will not help you achieve a higher or passing score. However, a short essay, with less to no errors will get a better mark. Focus on the preciseness of your presentation rather than length.

You did a good job in representing your extent response in the essay. Excellent work in outlining the discussion points. Don't use 2 punctuation marks successively. You are just using the punctuation marks for the sake of using it, you are not considering if you are using it properly or not. That means, you will fail in the GRA section simply because you did not care about how you formatted your sentences and paragraphs. You actually have enough errors in the overall scoring considerations to prevent you from achieving a passing band score.

You have good discussion points but your explanation development is lacking. Try to better develop your explanations by not focusing on topics but rather, on the validity of your explanation. That way you can have better scores in terms of task development.

Writing Feedback / The Lion King - my favorite movie (computer-animated American musical drama) [3]

When you describe the reason why you have chosen a favorite movie, you should provide only a short synopsis of the story, without giving away too much. The focus of the descriptive essay should be in relation to the way the movie touched your heart of affected your ambitions. The last paragraph of your essay should be the second paragraph because it talks of the effect of the movie upon you on a personal basis. You should be talking about why the movie moves you to tears. Which portions in particular? Talk about the lessons you learned as one of the reasons for your liking the movie. Specifically, why you connected with the lesson. Those 2 discussion points alone will be enough to help you write a good explanatory essay in relation to the topic.

Writing Feedback / The students need to decide whether they want to choose the social science group or a science group [3]

Even though you wrote 328 words, your essay still failed to fully address the prompt requirements. Being a 5 paragraph essay, you should be addressing the essay as follows:

Par. 1: Prompt restatement
Par. 2: Gender free discussion of the 1st public point of view (History is one of the most important...)
Par. 3: Genderless opinion of the 2nd public point of view (Sci and tech are more important...)
Par. 4: First person discussion of the public point of view that you support and why
Par. 5: Topic restatement + summary of discussion points + concluding sentence

Based on the required basic format for this discussion, you should clearly see why your presentation will be deemed incomplete. The examiner will see this as having skipped a few discussion points based on the original discussion and deduct the appropriate percentage points for it.

Writing Feedback / Many people believe, that authorities are unnecessarily investing money on the arts [3]

You did not address the prompt requirements of the prompt. This is an extent essay but you failed to discuss it as such. You have written an argumentative essay, without considering that you are not being asked to argue a point but rather, deliver an sense of how much you agree or disagree with the given discussion topic. Therefore, the essay is not in accordance with the prompt requirements. It will be considered as delivering a response not related to the task, which means this essay will have a difficult time achieving a passing score. It is not a comparative essay, nor is it an argument. It is personal opinion essay, but it requires you to discuss it from a singular point of view, based on 2 strong supporting reasons.

It appears that you have a fondness for the extent essays. However, you are not well informed when it comes to how to write such an essay. Do not proceed with writing more extent essays until you have properly learned how to do so. You may review the other extent essays posted here to learn how to address this prompt. You might also consider using our private review services or make your essay URGENT so that you may receive a more comprehensive review of your work and how to improve your writing.

Writing Feedback / The graph below shows the population for India and China since the year 2000 and predicts population [2]

The summary overview is incomplete. You need to include the source of the information as indicated in the image. The source of the information was the UN Population Division and the reference for the chart is the medium variant. Both needed to be included in the summary overview.

The idea behind the task 1 essay is to see how well you can create a descriptive picture of the measurements, assuming the reader does not have a copy of the image. Therefore, you should not say "The image above". For all intents and purposes, the reader does not have a copy of the image. So you should assume that you need to give a perfectly imaginative description of the information for the reader to be able to create a mental picture of.

The second paragraph is short by 1 sentence to meet the minimum 3 sentences per paragraph. You can avoid running short on the sentence presentation by avoiding using long or run-on sentences. Your second sentence in that presentation should have been better cut up into individual sentences.

Your presentation is limited in terms of vocabulary use and punctuation marks. You need to vary your presentation to highlight your English language knowledge and also, your sentence presentation skills. Use a variety of punctuation marks. Don't just stick to using periods and commas.

Writing Feedback / Computers are considered as the most vital intention of the last decade [4]

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There is no middle ground in this discussion. Do not listen to the misleading advice being given above by your fellow student. An extent essay always requires a single opinion, that does not falter from its defense of your opinion within 2 reasoning paragraphs.

By the way, the wrong advice given to you is also useless because you failed to properly discuss the essay based upon the given instructions. You changed the discussion from an Extent Essay to an Advantage / disadvantage discussion. So the essay will fail because your response is not related to the task. For clarity:

Question: To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Response: While I agree that computers are playing more important roles in our lives, I strongly believe that their drawbacks are still a great concern.

As you can see, you did not offer an extent response, you gave a comparative discussion response, which is totally incorrect given the prompt expectations for your discussion format.

Writing Feedback / Survey about people's consumption behavior of purchasing coffee and tea in several Australian cities [3]

You would have failed this test because you wrote too many words. The Task 1 essay only uses 150-190 words. It is never presented using 244 words. That is already a Task 2 essay presentation. You have only 20 minutes for this part of the test so do not overwrite. Just give a simple report of the given information. Analyze it, but do not over analyze to the point where you are cutting into the 40 minute time requirement of the Task 2 test. The summary overview requires you to present the 5 city names and the measurement used for the data. The per paragraph sentence maximum is 5 sentences so you have to learn to say things in a more concise manner. Try to do that by grouping your presentation. Your second paragraph is too short. It needs to have at least 3-5 sentences for the comparison discussion. You appear to have missed out on some comparison points from the bar chart.

Writing Feedback / Classification of schooling subjects has always cast doubt on numerous educators [2]

Your overall essay does not properly respond to the prompt requirement which is:

Subjects such as Art, Sport and Music are being dropped from the school curriculum for subjects such as Information Technology. Many students suffer as a result of these changes. To what extent would you support or reject the idea of moving these subjects from school curriculum?

The point of the discussion is to have you defend whether it is right to remove certain classes in favor of more computer related subjects. You did not properly restate that in your introductory paragraph. Neither do you give an extent response as required by the discussion. It appears that you did not understand the prompt requirements and how to approach the discussion.

This is not a comparison essay, it is a single opinion essay but you approached it as a comparative discussion presentation, which means you are totally off in terms of response formatting and presentation. The essay does not meet the discussion requirements to pass the test. You also failed to properly summarize the discussion in your concluding paragraph. Your perspective should have been built into the previous discussion points, it cannot be used as a conclusion because the conclusion requires a summary of the given discussion.

Writing Feedback / More funds to science education rather than other disciplines for the country's development [3]

There is a minimum 250 word count on this essay. Due to the shortness of the essay, I am unable to review your work for accuracy and proper formatting. You do not really show your true English writing skills in this paper. It was a waste of your time because you did not even try to meet the word requirements. If you write this way in the actual test, you will more than likely receive a failing score due to the percentage deduction on the word count. Please do better next time and try to meet the 250 minimum word requirement, with 3-5 sentences per paragraph. Familiarize yourself with the writing demands of the various essay topics before you try to write another essay. You have more than enough examples at this forum for you to be able to do that. You do not need to Google it.

Writing Feedback / Problems of having domestic animals - IELTS task2 [5]

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You only delivered 2 reasoning paragraphs in what should be a 5 paragraph essay. Where is your personal opinion? Do not mistake the instructions for this essay. When you are told to discuss both points of view, that means you do that from a general perspective. Your personal opinion should be a stand alone paragraph That delivers your understanding of both discussion points, with the addition of your support for one of the 2 public points of view.

Writing Feedback / Criminal Reoffence - Causes and Solutions [2]

Outline the response to the questions. The format is :
Restatement + Response

State the original prompt in your own words, then offer the causes and solutions. The outline will help you keep track of what you have to discuss in the discussion paragraphs. 2 connected causes in one paragraph, 2 connected solutions in the next paragraph for this 4 paragraph essay.

Stop saying "There is no doubt" in your essay because, while you may not doubt your discussion, others have their doubts. So do not be so matter of fact in your presentation. Use general references, avoid giving personal opinions when not required, such as in this instance.

Your paragraphs are under developed. Use less topics, more explanations that support and connect them. To repeat, use only 2 connected topics per paragraph. 2 topics allows you to properly explain and discuss, 3 means all topics are not properly explained, given an example, and completed with proper reasoning.

Writing Feedback / Discuss: COMPUTER INTELLIGENCE [2]

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You did not accurately restate the prompt. You need to use only the information provided. That means, you have to refer to the scientists in your version of the discussion rather than indicating an opinion (There is no doubt...) because the opinion should be presented within the reasoning paragraphs. You only present the 2 sides of the discussion, not your opinion. This is an incorrect restatement + response to the instruction. It is not correct.

Do not refer to one hand and the other, refer to the gender free groups of people for each discussion point. For the scientists, you may refer to "technological minds", for the opponents, they may be called "anti technology supporters".

You turned the whole discussion into a general discussion without any clear reference to the groups that are speaking. You also neglected to present and defend your personal opinion as the 3rd reasoning presentation. The essay is not good. It does not deliver on the expected formatting, reference, and discussion requirements.

Writing Feedback / Task 2 - Youngsters spend less of their free time with their family nowadays. What are the reasons? [5]

Provide the complete prompt next time so that the content of your essay can be reviewed based on the writing guidelines provided by the discussion requirement. As of now, I am not sure if you are properly addressing the discussion requirements due to the seemingly confusing discussion instructions of your essay.

Since the standard instruction for these essays is to have you write the information based on personal experience or knowledge, it would be best to always rephrase information coming from a personal point of view or public perception / knowledge. You should never refer to the information as having come from a researched source. Rather than saying "In 2017 a study..." you could instead say "The common perception is that teenagers spend almost 8 hours a day on their gadgets". Yes, you can make up the information, you should just frame it based on the expected presentation format. That means, no reference to studies or a specific year in relation to "researched information". Use a general discussion, no references for the discussion information, but with gender free pronoun references whenever possible.

Writing Feedback / Solutions to reduce car use. What can be done to discourage people from using their car? [5]

Please indicate what English exam you will be taking the next time you post an essay so that the proper free review criteria can be applied to your essay presentation. Thanks.

Well, regardless of whether this essay was written for a TOEFL or IELTS test, one thing is clear, you have written too many words. While the TOEFL test allows you 30 minutes to write at least 300 words, and the IELTS allows you 250 words within 40 minutes, neither test will allow you to write 417 words in such an imperfect manner. Your errors include spelling errors, grammar and sentence structure errors, along with conciseness, and formality errors in your presentation. All of which you should have been able to review and revise if you had focused on quality of writing rather than length of writing.

Your prompt paraphrase is inaccurate. It does not refer to the original prompt discussion at all. If this was written for a Task 2 essay, you would already have created a scoring problem for your essay. You have changed the discussion topic from the original. This would have been a properly paraphrased essay had you instead said:

There is a growing belief, based on physical data, that automobile operations has an effect on the population's mindset and fitness. Due to these considerations, it is important to address the way that the public use their autos. I believe that one major way that people can be convinced to not use their private vehicles is by making public transport more efficient.

Do not offer questions within your presentation. That will alter the content of the essay. If you present a question, you will have to respond to it, which may result in your changing the discussion target of the essay. So it is better if you never pose a rhetorical question within the discussion.

Learn to present your thoughts within the required 3-5 sentences. Keep it short, clear, and coherent. Your essay is solely focused on showing off your vocabulary, which is not the only scoring consideration in any test. Make sure the examiner, regardless of the test, will see that you are capable of saying more with less words. You do not need to over discuss or over present information. You need to be balanced in the presentation, without going overboard with your word count.

Writing Feedback / Everything has two sides to it, and no except to cycling. Let's consider its pros and cons. [5]

You may want to reconsider your presentation. It is only really effective in delivering the advantages and disadvantages of cycling as you are not explaining each aspect of the discussion. For every reason you provide a complete explanation must be provided:

- Dis/Advantage
- Reason
- Example
- Supporting explanation for the example
- Additional information ( optional)

If this is only for an English grammar essay, then you should be learning how to properly separate your explanations by paragraph. That is done by topic. Your presentation does not do that.

Each topic needs one paragraph so your can fully explain the reason for the topic. So in this case, one advantage topic and one disadvantage topic would have sufficed.

Please let me know next time if you are writing a grammar practice essay or an English exam essay. If it is for an English exam, kindly identify what type so you can get a targeted review of your work. Thanks.

Writing Feedback / Nowadays the football supporters behave violently. What is the cause? How can we solve it? [3]

Since you are not being asked to determine the validity of the given discussion, you do not need to reiterate what you deem to be the truth of the matter. Instead, you should simply restate the topic without offering any personal opinion. Your personal opinion was not required in the restatement so it is not necessary for you to deliver one. Your discussion outline section is also useless as it does not offer direct responses to the given discussion questions. Without the direct responses, your paraphrasing is actually incomplete. When a direct question is asked, offer a direct response in the paraphrase. That is how that paragraph is expected to be formatted in response form.

Only one cause is required in the essay. so you do not need to provide 2 reasons. Always stick to the discussion instruction. Offering a second reason when none is required forced your paragraph to be under presented in terms of a clear explanation and valid reasoning. The paragraph has become under developed in terms of overall scoring considerations. The same goes for your solution paragraph.

Your conclusion must summarize the previous discussion points in 3-5 sentences. You are not really delivering the summary requirements for the conclusion with this presentation.

Writing Feedback / Some say that domestic waste is not recycled well, therefore, authorities should make relevant laws [3]

For better TA scoring, always outline your discussion reasons in the paraphrase. This will allow the first paragraph to have a fully developed explanation presentation without your accidentally trying to explain things right off the bat. By outlining your discussion reasons, your paraphrase will leave with examiner with a better understanding of your English comprehension skills as you will show that you have a clear thought process that you can translate into understandable simple and quick English reasoning presentations. Keep it short. Just provide the topic sentences for the reasoning paragraphs. Nothing more nothing less. Then start the reasoning paragraphs with the same topic sentences as an anchor for the examiner's reading.

You are speaking of criminal law in your first reasoning paragraph. Not recycling is not a criminal offense. Do you mean that it should be turned into a criminal offense with jail or prison time? Your explanation is not clear.

Writing Feedback / Some people use the Internet to search for solutions to their medical problems, is this +ve/-ve ? [4]

You failed to properly respond to the prompt question, which was the basis of the total discussion. This ended up changing the discussion slant of the essay, also known as a prompt deviation. So your essay will not be able to get a proper score in the end. The error in your response presentation can be clearly seen in this comparison:

OQ: Is it a positive or negative development?
YR: personally I believe seeking for formal medical advices should be the correct act to do instead.

You did not respond to the question before you gave your opinion in the response paraphrase. So you basically neglected to properly develop your response paragraphs. Your essay will be seen as having a partially correct response only because of the lack of direct response to the straight question. You were not asked if it was appropriate to search for information on the internet, you were asked if this was a positive or negative development. This was the question you never responded to in the presentation. So your essay could be deemed not responsive to the prompt requirements ( answer is not related to the task).

Writing Feedback / The modern parents almost don't take their free-time to enjoy their children's companies [3]

This prompt is used for an English language test. Specifically, it is used in as an old prompt in the IELTS Task 2 essay. As such, the essay should have been presented using a minimum 250 word format. You have 118 words in this essay. That word count will result in enough percentage deduction points based on the missing word count to cause an automatic failing score for this essay. You must strive to write more words, at least 250, if you want to have a chance of even getting a simple passing mark in this test. You need to write:

Par. 1: Prompt paraphrase + response
Par. 2: Reason 1 with explanation
Par. 3: Reason 2 with explanation
Par. 4: concluding summary

That is the format by which the standard task 2 essay is presented by the writer. Remember to use enough examples to support your explanation so that the paragraphs will be fully developed in terms of reasoning and substance.

Writing Feedback / Which is more important for a sport, is it mental strength or physical strength, and explain why. [4]

This is a 3 reasoning paragraph presentation. While you did an acceptable paraphrase of the given discussion, and you also provided 2 good public point of view reasons with acceptable explanations and examples, your essay is actually incomplete in format. You neglected to present your personal point of view in a stand alone paragraph. It would have been the paragraph that allowed you to assess both points of view using first person pronouns for validity. Based on your personal belief, you should have stated which of the two opinions you support with an explanation based on your personal opinion or experience. The current essay paid more attention to the public points of view and gave none to your personal point of view.

The personal point of view is a stand alone paragraph. It is never included in the concluding paragraph because it will not allow you properly develop the explanation of your personal point of view in the manner that the first 2 reasoning paragraphs were presented. The concluding paragraph is only for the summary of the given discussion. It is never used to represent a single sentence opinion as it creates an non-concluded essay.

Research Papers / Physical therapy can help enhance an individual's body, mobility, and health [3]

This does not sound like a properly researched and developed paper. It appears more to be like a series of cut and paste information collated from various sources. It lacks proper paragraph developed / explanation, and often misses out on truly presenting the importance of physical therapy in relation to the topic sentence. The paragraphs also suffer from a redundancy in presentation as almost every paragraph starts with the word "physical therapy". There are also sections where the first person pronoun such as "we" are used. Since this is an academic research paper, no first person pronouns should be used as it removes the objectivity of the information being relayed to the reader.

The overall essay feels like you did not really have a true focus for the writing. What is the real topic for the research? Is it:

- An alternative medical treatment?
- A non drug related treatment?
- Focused on the care and prevention of injuries among the elderly?
- A form of care for children to help avoid future bone and muscle injuries?

Your essay must be more focused on related information. It should not be a mix and match of different research topics. The essay should reflect a relationship between any of the following:

- Physical therapy as it relates to child physical development with a focus on future prevention of injury among the elderly
- Physical therapy as an alternative form of medical treatment that can prevent potential medical drug addiction

Those are the 2 possible thesis statements that can help you clarify the objective of your essay. Targeting one of the two should also help you develop and present a better research paper.

Writing Feedback / Implementing same national curriculum for students until entering college - GRE Issue [4]

For essays with such specific review demands, you may opt to use our paid private review service. Scoring services are not part of the free services provided. The email for inquiries about the private services can be found in our homepage. For now, only the free review services will be applied to your essay. Thanks.

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Did you hurriedly write this essay? It does not contain the same reflective understanding that your previous essays contained. Your discussion is all over the place. It is scatterbrained. There is no clear focus for your discussion. You have confused the reader. The point of the discussion was to consider the benefits of having the same curriculum for students until high school. So why did your reasoning paragraph start with college? It is not the college application that is important in this discussion, it is the benefit or drawback of having the same curriculum until college. You should have outlined your thoughts in the following manner:

Same curriculum:
- Standardized classes
- Strong college foundation based on general subjects
- Assists students in realizing the college interests
- Helps students choose a college major based on grades in specific subjects
- Does not require specialized teachers

Non- Standardized Curriculum:
- College major focused classes
- Forces students to choose a college major early
- Does not allow students to seek their full potential in learning through general subjects
- Requires specialized teachers

Always consider the pros and cons before you write. Do not think then write. Consider a personal written debate first based on the "possible consequences of implementing the policy" so that you can explain how these "consequences shape your position". By the way, you were not properly able to defend the latter requirement. Your consequences did not clearly explain your position because you seemed to be rattled and nervous while writing this paper.

Undergraduate / "Dreamers cannot be tamed." - Common Essay --Aiming for the elite colleges [5]

Which of the common prompts are you addressing? A proper review of the content of your essay will not be possible if I do not know what you are writing in response to. This is not the same as an IELTS or TOEFL test where part of the scoring consideration includes grammar efficiency. For college application essays, only your prompt adherence and clarity of discussion will be considered. Without knowing what prompt you wrote for, I cannot review your content. If your essay does not respond to the common app prompt, then a grammar review will be of no help to you.

Start off on the right foot, give me the prompt. We will review the essay based on that, fix the content, then, we finalize the essay by correcting the grammar errors. You can't correct the grammar errors first and then review the content. It is the response to the prompt, the content of your essay based on discussion considerations that matters the most in this case.

In order to know if your response is wrong or right, I need to know what the question is first. Got it?

Writing Feedback / GRE issue; Over the past year, our late-night news... Memorandum from business manager of TV station [3]

For essays with such specific review demands, you may opt to use our paid private review service. Scoring services are not part of the free services provided. The email for inquiries about the private services can be found in our homepage. For now, only the free review services will be applied to your essay. Thanks.

Reminder: Students are not allowed to score essays. Student scoring = Suspension !

Rather than saying, "The argument above", give a proper summary of the previous discussion. This will help illustrate your analysis points from the start of the essay and throughout the discussion paragraphs. This will add to the knowledge of the reader whom, you should assume, has not read the prompt provisions for the writing of this response analysis.

Always remember that when writing a formal essay, the connecting words "and, but, and because" are never used to start sentences. These are used only to connect 2 connected ideas within one sentences or to justify the reason for a given thought in the sentence. As word connectors, these can never used to anchor a sentence starting point.

Some of your sentences lack clarity such as :
It is unclear why do the business retract their contracts.
The word "do" is unnecessary in this case because it is a verb used in the present singular. You are already talking of a previous action in this case.

The essay is clear in terms of discussion points. It properly assessed the given memorandum and provided a clear series of considerations that need to be validated before the letter can be given any credence.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2: opinions on rising the price of petrol to reduce the effects [3]

Your prompt paraphrase inaccurate. You are also making claims that are not included in the original presentation. This indicates that you are trying to change the discussion topic and discussion format for the essay. You will lose points for that. Always be accurate. Always indicate a clear restatement, without exaggerations. Outline your response to the questions so that you will have an easy to refer to guide for your topic content when writing the essay. A better restatement would have been:

Due to the increasing traffic jams and greenhouse effects, a suggestion has been made regarding the cost of gasoline in relation to solving the previously mentioned problems. It has been implied that multiplying the cost of fuel in relation to use should produce a satisfactory solution to the problems diesel fuel causes. I strongly oppose this solution. In place of this, I suggest that using alternative energy sources for transport vehicles would be a more viable solution to the problems.

The prompt paraphrase should represent the topic statement, the response to the question, and a direct response to the additional question. Compare my version with yours and you can clearly see why my version would receive the better TA score. It address all of the required TA scoring elements from the start, leaving the rest of the scoring considerations to be scored better as well as the discussion has been clearly outlined already.

Try to use the punctuation marks in a manner that will still help you avoid run-on sentences. All paragraphs need to be composed of 3-5 sentences. So, using a a semi-colon in a sentence does not mean you properly met the paragraph formatting and GRA requirements. You need to make sure you present the right number of sentences first, then use the punctuation marks within the paragraph properly, second.

For this type of essay, you can use up to 3 reasoning paragraphs:
Reasoning 1: The defense of your extent response
Reasoning 2: Defense of your 1st alternative measure with proper supporting examples
Reasoning 3: (optional) Defense of your 2nd alternative measure with supporting examples

As of now, your reasoning paragraphs are not well developed. You lack supporting examples and more reasons to support the topic sentence. Avoid using 2 topics per paragraph. Use only 1 topic per paragraph so you can clearly develop your explanations as per scoring guidelines.

Undergraduate / Essay for common app: montage structure essay about my planner. [3]

Here is the thing, I cannot review your essay because there is no prompt that it was designed to fit. Contrary to what you read, You need to know what prompt you are responding to before you write your essay. You fit the essay to suit the prompt, not the other way around. There are several considerations to be noted when writing an essay, all of which center around what the prompt is asking for. It is more difficult for you to first write a general essay that you hope you can just pick apart and put together to address the prompt topic. In fact, you will find yourself ditching this essay and writing a simpler one to discuss the prompt you have chosen. There are word count requirements, skill and talent proficiency evidence to be presented or discussed, plus other factors that help you respond to the prompt in the way that the reviewer requires to properly assess your application.

Go pick a prompt first. Come back when you know what prompt you want to address. I also need the prompt along with the essay that you wrote so that I can properly direct the essay towards strengthening weak parts or adding relevant information. It will also help me advise you regarding parts that should be removed from the presentation due to irrelevance. That is what a contributor does.

As of now, this essay is fantastic! It is over informative to a fault already. However, I am not sure if you can use for the prompt you will choose to respond to. See the problem? You can't put the cart before the horse. Do not do things in the wrong order. Pick the prompt first, then write the essay.

Undergraduate / Virtual information session - Why Lafayette? [3]

The focus should not only be on the Dyer Center. You should also be focusing on addressing how your academic goals and career ambitions will be addressed with specificity by the university. Mention a few classes you look forward to taking and why it is relevant to your future plans. Name drop a professor whose class you look forward to taking and explain how that professor inspired you to pursue this degree. Talk about the Lafayette community in terms of your interest in their clubs, organizations, or social events that can help you develop your personal skills and future network, specific to your chosen major. Show the reviewer that you actually did your research and you know the exact reasons why you are applying for acceptance to the university. The reference to the learning project isn't informative as it does not tell the reviewer how you plan to grow as a student and future economic leader through the program.

In all honesty, the essay you wrote is so generic that you could insert the name of a different university and the name of a different center at any given time. It sounds more like a template response rather than a personal analysis of the reasons why you chose the university. It just doesn't work. It doesn't pop. It doesn't allow you make yourself look like you are truly excited to learn at Lafayette. You should make sure that the reviewer knows this is not a cookie cutter response. Change your total essay. Do not use any part of this version. It isn't effective at all.

Writing Feedback / In the modern world it is no longer necessary to use animals for food, clothing or medicine. To what [3]

The essay is 5 words short of the minimum count. Although it seems to be a small number of words, it carries notable weight when it comes to the percentage deduction of your overall score. Always aim to meet the 250-290 word count for your paper to make sure you can be consider for the best possible scoring outcome for your paper.

The prompt for this essay is a simple agree or disagree essay. So you kind of overdid it with your response. When an extent response is not required, it should not be given. A simple agree or disagree response will do. Delivering an exaggerated response is frowned upon because it changes the format of the discussion. Always look to the prompt question for instructions as to how your question response should be delivered. It will also help your TA score if you can add the reasons, but not the discussion for your response in the opening paraphrase. That shows the examiner that you have actually taken the time to outline your discussion draft before typing or writing your response.

Your response was on track until you presented the Queen University information. This is a general discussion essay based on commonly known information. This is an opinion essay as well. Both are based on personal opinion and knowledge. It should not refer to any information from seemingly researched sources. You could replace Queens University with a reference to commonly known information about vegetarians instead. The information should be presented in a manner similar to your discussion in the same paragraph about clothes manufacturing and cloth sources. In fact, even the way that you discussed the medical aspect of the prompt is more in line with the common information, personal information, personal knowledge requirement of the discussion when compared to your vegetarian lifestyle reference. So you did good work in the reasoning paragraph, but just had a slight hiccup with the referencing in the first part. Always use non-specific sources or gender free pronouns. Those will definitely better help your score.

Your opening paraphrase and concluding summary should both have at least 3 sentences presented. These should highlight the summarized form of the original prompt (opening paraphrase) and the topic with discussion reasons (concluding summary). It is because you lack sentences in these sections that your essay did not meet the word count as expected.

Writing Feedback / Variety of ways in which parents can prepare their children for future life - teaching finances [2]

It is not necessary for you to teach me how to do my job. I am a trained contributor and I am well versed in all the requirements for all the English language tests. I am insulted by your explaining the review criteria for your essay. Do you think I cannot review your essay properly? You forgot to identify what test you were taking before, hence the mistake in reviewing your work. If you do not provide the correct test title, you will definitely not get correct advice. If you feel that i am not doing a good job at advising you, that you have to teach me what to do, then maybe, you should be seeking advise elsewhere.

Do not use numerical ordinals in your presentation. You will always get a better scoring consideration with the use of clear topic sentences. As of now, your third paragraph starts on a clearer discussion note than the second one. that is because your topic sentence contains a reminder of what the discussion is about. Your second paragraph forgets the importance of that topic reminder within the topic sentence.

Always use sentence structures that connote strong support for your explanations. Avoid words of uncertainty such as "if" as this removes the authoritative and academic tone of your presentation. Rather than saying "If children discover", which is a weak sentence opening, you should say "Children should discover that they..." which indicates a strong support for your personal opinion. This can convince the reader to support your argument.

Avoid using casual references such as "little brother", instead, use the more academic sounding "younger brother. Do not use casual and informal words in your presentation. The same goes for "It is crucial for one". It should indicate instead, "It is crucial for a n adult..." You have to clearly separate the reference from child and adult.

This is a good start. You have done well. You still have room for improvement though. Try to avoid the mistakes I mentioned here next time.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1: THE GRAPH SHOWS THE INCOME OF FOUR CAFE IN NEW YORK OVER LAST YEAR (HANNAH) [4]

Your last paragraph is too long. That is what pushed your essay into Task 2 territory. You only have 20 minutes to write this essay so you should be writing no more than 150-190 words. 221 words means you took almost 40 minutes to write this task. Remember, your draft should not take more than 10 minutes to write. The outlining for your essay should be timed as follows:

10 minutes - review the image and note comparison points
5 minutes - write the draft based on your notes
5 minutes - proof read, correct the errors, and finalize the content

Based on this time allotment, you should be able to write no more than 190 words. Try to write within the word requirement. Do not over discuss. This is just a report summary, not an opinion paper. There is no need to over analyze the presentation. That would cut into your task 2 writing time and leave you without enough time to address the Task 2 topic.

Keep your report concise. Learn to structure your sentences to be clear by using proper keywords and information from the image. You should try to write another Task 1 essay that has less confusing comparison points for now. Being a beginner, you should start simple, working your way up to this complex presentation. Do not start with the complex image first. You are not yet capable of quickly reviewing such a complicated image at this point. You see, this image is all about the overlapping points. Which you failed to report on your presentation. So your essay is good, but not really fully developed.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS-T2] Using smart phones and online platforms leads to lack of human face-to-face communication [6]

You are not writing the right amount of words to help you get a better passing score with your essay. By writing 372 words, you ended up using all your time writing. You did not leave enough time to proof read your work. So your essay ended up with a significant number of spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors. All of which you could have corrected if you wrote less (250-290 words) and focused on polishing your content instead.

One of the most significant errors in this essay is your prompt paraphrase. Your representation is confusing. It does not make sense to the reader and it does not clearly restate the original prompt. While you gave a notable extent response to the question, your statement is incomplete as it does not have a subject in the sentence. That whole paragraph is just a big incoherent mess. You should aim to present a clearer presentation next time:

The advent of portable communication devices and gadgets have allowed people to communicate without the need to be physically present with one another. This has resulted in a lessening of the ability of a the population to have person to person interactions. I hardly disagree with this opinion because I believe electronic communication ( The subject of the sentence) can bring people closer together than one on one talk time.

You should not be writing more than 20 sentences for this presentation. Your current discussion is just rambling on, without really getting to the point. There is a lack of clarity in your discussion because you just kept on writing, without focusing on clearly connecting the 2 reasoning paragraphs using related explanations in every reasoning paragraph.

By the way, you cannot use 2 successive punctuation marks in one sentence. Either use a comma or use an ellipses. This is becoming a common error among students. This is also a very serious GRA error that will definitely affect your score.

With regards to your concluding paragraph, you need to work on your presentation. You just created a run-on sentence that does not reflect the previous discussion talking points. You should be able to do that in at least 3 sentences.

Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 1 - a climograph about rainfall and temperature [6]

Quick question, where did you get the reference to Kolkota City? I do not see any reference to a specific city in the graph. Was that part of the discussion instruction? You should have posted the complete instructions for the report presentation so that I could have had a better idea of what information you have to present.

Actually, this isn't a diagram. It is a combination bar and line graph. So you should have indicated it as such in your summary overview. Additionally, you forgot to indicate that the precipitation and temperature are measured in millimeters and celsius respectively. Your summary overview is incommplete due to this missing information.

Where is the comparison discussion for the 3 months when the precipitation and temperature overlapped? What did that mean for the data? Why is it important? Once certain information is highly obvious in the image, you should not forget to mention it in the report. That is a score increasing reference that exam takers often overlook.

Writing Feedback / [ IELTS 2] Should animal experiments be banned or not, because they are benefitial to humanity? [3]

You almost got the 4 paragraph presentation for this discussion correct. There are 2 errors in the presentation that you used:
- The lack of genderless pronoun usage to refer to the public discussion point of view
- The lack personal opinion starting in the middle of the paragraph discussion. It should be presented by using the first person pronoun presentation in the paragraph

Basically, the format goes like this:
Sentence 1: Your point of view
Sentence 2: The reason for your point of view
Sentence 3: The reason why your point of view disagrees / agrees with the public point of view
Sentence 4: An example of why the public point of view is wrong / right
Sentence 5: A transition sentence or a final reason why the public point of view is right / wrong.

This format can be used for the 2 discussion paragraphs. Remember, you cannot just say "my point of view is" without offering supporting discussions to prove your point. That is why I am suggesting you use the format above next time. It is important to build upon your opinion in the presentation using the given the given reasons. In this case, you only presented a general discussion, without clearly indicating whose opinion is being discussed, why, and what your personal opinion is.

The pronouns are a major consideration in this instance because of the GRA requirements. You have to show that you know how to present opinions using proper person reference points as a part of your grammar range and accuracy. When you present general discussions without pronoun usage, you limit your scoring ability in that section.

Writing Feedback / Age at which children are supposed to enter the structured education system in schools [5]

Okay, you almost got the presentation right. Your prompt paraphrase was on point until you gave your personal opinion, which should not have been presented in the question response portion. You see, your opinion can only come after an analysis of the 2 given discussion presentations. The format for the reasoning paragraphs should have been:

Sentence 1: Public point of view presentation using gender free pronouns
Sentence 2: Reason supporting this discussion
Sentence 3: Your personal opinion using first person pronouns
Sentence 4: Reason
Sentence 5: Supporting example or Additional supporting reason for your personal opinion

This would result in a clear and concise 4 paragraph discussion presentation for the given discussion. While you could write a 5 paragraph format presentation for this, Showing an advanced writing style by being able to compare and contrast using your personal opinion in the paragraph will result in a better C&C score for you.

By the way, avoid referring to other sources of information in task 2 essays. The only acceptable reasons are based on:
- Personal experience
- Personal knowledge
- Public opinion
- Public knowledge

Do not refer to experts or psychologists in the essay because that refers to researched information, which you do not have access to at the center. Additionally, you are not being scored on the accuracy or truthfulness of your response. Only on the clarity and coherence of your explanations. That is why the aforementioned basis of information is what is accepted in the presentation. You can make the information up, as long as you do not refer to any information that will appear researched in the discussion. In fact, you do not need to refer to any source for the information. That is why genderless pronouns are encouraged in the discussion presentations.

Writing Feedback / Individuals working hard get paid less in comparison to highly qualified in companies. Do you agree? [4]

There is a discrepancy between the discussion instruction in your title and the discussion response that you gave in your prompt paraphrase. A simple agree or disagree discussion question does not require an extent response to the same question. Only and extent question requires an extent response. Since you did not post the proper prompt for the discussion, I cannot review and advise you regarding a proper response method. So I will focus on your general errors instead.

By writing 277 words, I was expecting that you would have properly reviewed, revised, and finalized your essay content. Yet I found several errors in your presentation starting with:

Spelling:
certains - certain
cooporate - corporate
enviroment - environment
physicaly - physically
universaly - universally

You know how to use the words, you know how it is pronounced, but you do not know how to spell it, so you should familiarize yourself with proper spelling. Try to read more English materials so that you can become more familiar with word usage and spelling.

Conciseness:
in order to - to ( less words sometimes come across clearer than phrase presentations.)
are required to - must

Formality:
reason why - reason (phrase used is too informal)

Kindly provide the prompt next time so that I can give you a more complete review of your work. The content of your presentation is scored heavily when compared to these errors which are more grammar related.

Writing Feedback / A different language' foreigner can overcome problems by changing, adapting, and growing personality [5]

You failed to properly respond to the prompt requirement which is: To what extent do you agree or disagree? Based on your response, it is clear to the examiner that you did not understand the discussion instructions so your response is responsive only in a minimal way. You should have responded to the question first, then indicated your reasons for your response in a summarized manner. For example:

Spending time residing in a new nation often results in some difficulties. These difficulties often relate to learning the dialect of the native people. This language barrier often causes discomfort and stress in relation to merging with the culture of the region. While these are two different mindsets supported by two different groups, I find myself strongly in opposition to this argument because resiDr ing in a different region allows for personal growth and cultural learning in the person.

Now, the main problem with your essay is that your opinion summary in the last sentence of the paraphrase is not supported in your first reasoning paragraph. So you will be scored only on the paragraph that represents a supporting argument based on your opinion in the prompt paraphrase. That means, your essay will not be under the word requirement.

You wrote 348 words, which is impossible during the 40 minute task. That means you did not bother to review and correct your essay mistakes. In this instance, the increased word count will be useless because 115 words will be taken out of your response, leaving you with 233 words. Meaning, your essay is now under the minimum word count. Without meeting the 250 word requirement, it will be more difficult for you to achieve a passing score. This will be difficult to achieve because you will also have point deductions in the conciseness, formality, and vocabulary considerations of your presentation.

Next time, make sure to present 2 reasoning paragraphs that support your given opinion. The discussion instructions do not warrant a comparative discussion so you should be using the singular opinion discussion in this presentation. Your concluding summary should only summarize your given topic, opinion, and discussion points as well. Since your conclusion does not do that, you will receive additional point deductions. Basically, the main problem with your essay is the response format along with the wrong format for the opening paraphrase and concluding summary.