Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1: THE AVERAGE PERCENTAGES IN TYPICAL MEALS OF THREE TYPES OF NUTRIENTS. [4]

You ended up writing too many words for the Task 1 essay. y students are taught to use the 3 paragraph version of the task to save on time and allow for proper formatting and comprehensive data presentation. Other teachers prefer the 4 paragraph method which I find focuses only on word count and not content clarity presentation. If you prefer the 4 paragraph style, you should seek advise from teacher who use that style instead.

You should comprehensively deliver a summary overview within 5 sentences, not 2 incomplete paragraphs. Using my method, the student will indicate the following, without writing too many words:

- The topic
- The source
- The type of data used (outline the 4 meals as only 3 are main meals and the other meal is indicated as a snack)
- The measurement used
- The trending information

Present the comprehensive information so that you will be able to achieve a complete summary overview that meets the minimum 3, maximum 5 sentence presentation. It creates a thorough run-down of the succeeding discussion topics and information that can help the reader imagine the information as you deliver it in complete discussion presentations, within 2 paragraphs.

Always use the 3 sentence presentation so that you do not create constant run - on sentences as you do in this essay. Also, try to use other similar words to respectively. You will not help you LR score by constantly using the same reference point in your presentations. You could use terms like in combination, commonly, or conjointly. Regardless of how you present the information, make sure to avoid reference repetition.

Since you already indicated that the source material is from the USA in the summary, you do not need to repeat it in the later paragraphs. Since this is not an opinion essay, you do not need to use the term "finally" in the presentation. There is no need to represent a concluding statement in a task 1 essay.

The heaviest problem of your presentation is really the paragraph formatting and run-on sentences. Those are forcing you to write more than the necessary 175-190 words. This writing format will make it difficult for you to meet all of the required writing elements within the 20 minute writing time.

Undergraduate / I am going to apply for GSEP Program for Bachelor study in TITECH, Japan. [2]

I m afraid that you missed responding properly to several discussion points. You have to be clearer in your response to the following:
- What are your academic strengths and current goals?
- Comment on your knowledge regarding Japanese culture

These aspects need to be better supported in the essay. It is difficult to pick out which of your responses address these points directly. Though you spoke of your academic achievements, you did not really represent a single paragraph discussion regarding your academic strengths. Your current goal should not be related to what you will do if you get into the academic program. Rather, you have to speak of your intention as a student within the program. What is your goal? To become what? Why that goal? Insert a simple statement regarding the purpose of your course choice.

Remove the reference to the soccer team. Though it shows your character, it does not show the same leadership implications as your time with the Notre Dame Science Club. Focus on the science club reference, but build up actual leadership participation rather than simply listing your activities as a club member. Being a member of the club accomplishing tasks is not the same as having a leadership role in the club. Clarify that by using only one activity that would highlight a leadership skill as implied by the prompt.

Aside from the influence of your brother, which is a strong reference point for you when it comes to your knowledge about Japanese culture, what other experiences have you had with the culture? That whole paragraph does not work. There is no actual reference to a clear interest in Japanese culture on your side that you actually pursued in an effort to know the culture better. For example, you could refer to being influenced by manga comics, explain an interest in Japanese cuisine that led to your studying their cooking styles, studying the history of the Japanese royal family after having seen the coronation ceremony for the new emperor, or anything that will show a keen interest in learning about Japan on your part.

Once you properly revise the essay by taking out useless points and adding important points, you should find yourself meeting the word count. Mostly because you will have revised the essay thoroughly with regards to content.

Writing Feedback / A growing tendency these days to work independently instead of applying for corporations jobs [2]

You should have directly responded to the 2 questions in the prompt paraphrase. You were being asked to clearly outline your discussion points by responding to the questions directly. You should have done that to show that you understood the instructions and that you had valid responses for each question. Your discussion paragraphs contain way too many word fillers at the start. Avoid using empty words that just try to impress the examiner with your vocabulary. He will be more impressed with the vocabulary that you use to clearly state your topic sentence and highlight your explanations within the paragraph. The presentation has several under developed discussion topics per paragraph as you only present the topic, but do not bother to actually expand on the explanations. You have to learn to focus on developing 2 related reasons per paragraph if you want to fully utilize the 5 sentence maximum count. Your reasoning is not effective because you only present discussion topics, without related explanation and reasoning development.

I do not believe that this essay will be worthy of a passing score. You are focused on length instead of coherence and clarity of paragraphs. That is why your essay failed. That is why you cannot get a passing score. The majority of your problems are in the clarity and coherence bracket. Like I said, you sacrificed those 2 scoring considerations for word count. I will not give this essay a score because it will be useless to do so.

Writing Feedback / Children need a guide - Ielts preparation for postgraduate course admission [3]

I can see where your problem is coming from. You are writing way too many words for the Task 2 essay. You cannot write 340 words within 40 minutes using the pencil test. You might be able to type that many words in the CBT, but you should not be doing that just the same. You have to limit yourself to 275-290 words. That is the word range that allows you to clearly present your discussion or opinion to the examiner. That is achieved through a proper brainstorming and drafting of your written presentation.

Break down the original prompt so that you can figure out the required elements of the discussion. A typical outline would be:
- Discussion topic
- Reason / Points of view
- Discussion instruction

You have to spend at least 10 minutes on your brainstorming task. For this essay the brainstorm would have been outlined as:

Topic: Children should be allowed to make their own choices
Point of view 1: results in self centered children
Point of view 2: children need to learn to make decisions about matters that affect them
Personal point of view: children have to follow certain indications rather than act completely free in order to make the right decisions.

As you can see, when you take the time to analyze the discussion and pluck out the important discussion points, the essay practically writes itself. The elements of each paragraph presentation becomes clear within the outline, all you have to do is outline it then expand on the discussion. The discussion, based on the public opinion and personal point of view should be no more than 3-5 sentences.

Avoid any and all references to published information. Not only will that make your work longer, but you will also not be following the standard discussion instruction for the task 2 essay which is to use public knowledge and personal opinions or experiences only. The idea it to show that you have the ability to use only limited knowledge in an effective manner. You do not have to write a long essay, you just need to write a coherent essay that follows the discussion instructions. By outlining and brainstorming your content before you write, you can achieve a better essay presentation which is cohesive, coherent, and well within the advised word count.

Writing Feedback / Resources should be spent more on animals or human population ? [2]

This is a 5 paragraph essay presentation. The requirement is for you to discuss both public points of view, using separate paragraphs, before you present your personal opinion, also as a stand alone paragraph. Based on what I can see, you did not follow the required format for the discussion. You did not use the proper public point of view group pronoun references, this created an overall personal essay opinion discussion as opposed to a balanced 3 point of view perspective. Balance the discussion using the individual paragraph reference to each point of view. Use second or third person / group pronouns in the public point of view discussion, then use the first person point of view references in your personal opinion. Never make the personal point of view a simple single sentence reference in the concluding paragraph.

When you present your personal point of view in the concluding paragraph, you create 2 errors:

1. The lack of proper reasoning, explanation, and discussion that will help convince the examiner about your personal point of view;
2. The improper conclusion of the essay. You created an open ended, rather than full circle discussion anchored on the proper summary presentation of the topic and points of view discussion points.

If you want to score better, you must avoid making these mistakes in your presentation as these have some major points deductions considerations in the final scoring consideration.

Undergraduate / Medical school personal statement - fortunate and grateful [2]

I feel like this essay is running too long. You need to cut it down. Keep only the parts of the essay that actually relate to one another so that the reviewer will be able to focus on related personal insights that highlight the development of your interest in medical school. If I were the one writing this essay, I would keep the first paragraph, developing it further to explain how your interest in Forensic Science developed because of the death of your role model.

Since that death was the catalyst for your college degree choice, that should definitely be built up and highlighted in the essay. However, the information about your grandmother, doesn't add to the interest in your story. That is why I believe it can safely be removed to give way to the story about your illness and your struggle to find a cure, which led to your epiphany about entering med school. The jump from forensic science to medical school feels more natural that way. It clearly relates from one foundation to another. It just fits and works better when you remove the reference to your grandmother. Not to mention, the essay word count goes down to a number that will help keep the reviewer interested in reading your essay presentation.

Try to stay on track. Focus only on the related and solid information you can deliver. The more personal the stories, the better. Your grandmother's story doesn't really hold the interest of the reader, nor does it add to the forward movement of your narrative. Hence, my suggestion to simply eliminate that presentation altogether from the essay.

Writing Feedback / Is internet convince to us or to swindlers? [3]

You need to use the proper A/D format for this essay. You focused too much on the advantage discussion, which removed the balance, clarity, and cohesion of your presentation. While you gave a clear response to the question in the paraphrased first paragraph, you did not really develop the original discussion presentation in that paragraph, which is why it is short by one sentence to fulfill the minimum 3 sentence requirement per paragraph.

You should be using the following format for the 2 reasoning paragraphs:

Sentence 1: Disadvantage topic
Sentence 2: Reason it is considered a disadvantage
Sentence 3: Why you think it is an advantage
Sentence 4: Example to prove the advantage
Sentence 5: Additional supporting explanation (optional)

If you had used the format above for your discussion, the essay would have had a more connected presentation from one paragraph to the next. You should be focusing on related discussions per reasoning paragraph since you are scored, based on the writing format of this prompt, on the cohesiveness and coherence of your paragraph presentations. This is only a 4 paragraph essay, not a 5 paragraph version.

Grammar Issues:
The trend of shopping online have been - ... has been (singular word reference)
... have became ... - have become (word choice error, use present tense)
have become one of the biggest company - has become one of the biggest companies (plural word reference)
could be one of the difficulty - difficulties (plural word form in reference to "one of the")

Writing Feedback / Music is widely perceived to have the power to unite and connect humans [3]

Let me start with the positives of your work.

Your first reasoning paragraph (2nd paragraph) is highly effective. While the grammar may not be perfect, you were able to convey your meaning, without confusing the reader too much. It also has a degree of coherence to the discussion based on your related topic presentations within the paragraph. However, you should avoid mentioning any reference to researched information. You should always make it clear that the information comes from public perception or a personal opinion in the presentation. Do not be afraid to use the first pronoun presentation format since the prompt mentions the word YOU, that is indicative of first pronoun usage throughout the essay.

The third paragraph (second reasoning paragraph) is a bit disconnected. There is no way you can connect the Happy Birthday Song with Covid 19. That paragraph comes across as forcing through and not really well developed. You should work on using only related topics per paragraph so further boos your C&C score.

Now for what you did wrong.

The paraphrasing is too rushed. You should have used 3-5 sentences in both the introduction and concluding paragraphs. The reason being that both paragraphs require you to properly restate the original prompt and discussion reasons. The difference being that the concluding paraphrase requires you to also present your personal opinion along with your reasoning topics. That would create a proper concluding paragraph for the essay. The way you have it presented now will not meet the requirements for a higher TA score.

Writing Feedback / Living in a big city or staying a village [3]

You did not include the prompt so do not expect a review of your written response. Your posting, which is incomplete as it starts in the middle of the presentation rather than at the start will only get a minimal review.

For starters, a task 2 essay should only be 275-290 words. It is not a research paper so it should not have 491 words in it. Whether it be a CBT or a pencil test, there is no way you can write that many words and still be able to review for errors and corrections within the 40 minute allotment. I do not know how many times I have to say this, long essays create more error chances than simple and medium length essays. This essay is another example of how the number of words forced errors that can prevent the essay from passing because the errors were not corrected, thus lowering the quality and clarity of the discussion.

Spelling Errors:
alization - I do not even know what you were trying to spell here.
neighbor (US) - neighbour (UK)

Grammar:
tend to grown - grow (use the proper verb form)
So if you stay - So, if you... (always use a comma after an introductory word of phrase)

Writing Feedback / Many older people believe in a certain ways of living which are not suitable with the youngsters [2]

Let me stop you right there, t the prompt paraphrase. Your total essay missed the mark because of that presentation. Your paraphrase was incorrect, you did not respond to the given question, you did not meet the minimum sentence count for the paragraph... These are but a few of the errors that kicked off the start of your incorrect essay.

For starters, you were not asked if the opinion previously provided was incorrect or not. Therefore, you should not have framed the sentence to start with "It is true" because that was not the point of the discussion topic. Next, you were asked about the measurement of your dis/agreement with the given opinion. Rather than picking a side to represent, you decided to change the discussion instruction to a comparative essay presentation by saying; " While I believe some ideas... I agree that...." That is non-opinion presentation. You did not clearly indicate the strength of your single opinion based on the agree or disagree format. The essay does not have a clear opinion presented, so you will lose points for not being able to make a decision or choose one of 2 given opinion discussion points.

That has caused your essay to follow an unexpected discussion format, which led to the lack of clarity in your discussion presentation. You did not follow the discussion format as indicated in the original prompt so you will have a hard time achieving a passing score for the essay. Additionally, your concluding paragraph is only one sentence long. Since that is a reverse paraphrase, you should be presenting anywhere between 3-5 sentences, just like you should have done in the introduction paraphrase.

Scholarship / Scholarship application for Global Markets and Local Creativities Programme - personal statement [2]

Your personal statement is not focused enough. Have you gone through the list of available masters courses for the upcoming semester? If you have, then you need to adjust your personal statement to be more relevant to your chosen degree. Remember, the personal statement requires you to show how your interest in the course developed and give a simple explanation as to how this will be relevant to your current and future career. In this case, Expand on the discussion regarding the National Development Plan (2018-2022).

Your personal statement should help you connect the development plan to the course you wish to study. The personal aspect will come from how your desire to study the course ties in with your theoretical and practical skills development. Though you do not need any work experience to apply for the program, since you are referring to a specific national action plan, it would be best for you to mention a professional development plan. Do not mention anything that you cannot justify in the essay. In this version, you mentioned the action plan, then... nothing. You dropped the ball when you should be using that development plan to explain how and why your interest in the course developed. The discussion of that topic is all that is needed to make this a proper and acceptable personal statement. You don't have to discuss your thesis statement here. You should save that for your statement of purpose, along with an a simple discussion of your undergraduate background in relation to your masters studies skills foundation.

As of now, you need to fix the gaping hole in the essay between the national plan, the course you have chosen to study, and your personal aspirations that led to your interest in applying for this course.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: advantages and disadvantages of keeping animals in zoos [4]

The clear question is, do you believe that there are more advantages or disadvantages? This means you have to use an advanced discussion format to respond to this topic. For starters, you have to clearly indicate whether you see this as an advantage or disadvantage in the prompt paraphrase from there, the advanced discussion format kicks in.

What is the advanced discussion format? After having chosen a side to defend in the reasoning paragraphs, the 2 reasoning paragraphs should be able to hold a complete and properly developed discussion as follows:

- Present a topic sentence signifying an advantage or disadvantage as seen from a public perspective;
- Explain why this is considered an advantage;
- Present your opinion of this reasoning (advantage or disadvantage)
- Use an example to prove your point
- Add an explanation to help reiterate your opinion

To that twice for this essay so that you can clearly represent a properly developed discussion focusing on 2 advantages and disadvantages points that will help support your opinion. I did not see that happening in this essay at all. In fact, you failed to present your personal opinion throughout the given discussion paragraphs. I should not need to point out the reasons why your concluding paragraph is also incorrect right? I already pointed that out in one of your previous essay critiques.

Writing Feedback / GRE Issue; Study about sleep amount and firm success [2]

This is a better attempt on your part. You improved your presentation from the first practice essay by one whole point, bringing your total score for this essay up to a possible 4 band mark. There are still problematic sentence structures that you need to improve upon. I strongly urge you to focus on additional English sentence competency exercises to help you achieve this goal. You have problems using connecting words, a or an, and some transliterate presentations from your native tongue to English. All of which are preventing you from achieving a higher band score. Not to worry though, your explanations are still clear, properly developed, just not well presented in terms of sentence structure. That you can keep working on as you progress with your exercises. What is important is that you show how well you understand the topic and, that you have the ability to create relevant opinions regarding it. Good job.

Dissertations / ABSTRACT - A Case Study of Internal Marketing on Elementary School Teachers [2]

The idea presentation is clear. However, the sentence formats have several problems in the given abstract. You need to edit the content to be more grammatically correct prior to your presentation. I believe that you need professional editing help for this paper. However, I can give you a shove in the right direction, just in case you want to do the revisions yourself. I won't be doing all of it, I'll only be pointing out a few points for correction.

In your first paragraph, don't take so long to get to the point. Remember, this is an abstract, it is a summary of the relevant information you are dealing with in the actual report. So you can remove the reference to layoffs, over staffing and other non-essential references. Focus immediately on the discussion about potential school closures due to the low birth rate. Try to explain why this decline is problematic for schools. Don't just call it an unsettling issue, be clear about why the reader should be concerned about it. This is the summary of your thesis statement, so make sure the thesis statement is properly represented in it.

The second paragraph does not feel complete. It is as if you only wrote an introduction to the topic you really wanted to discuss. You may want to rethink that presentation to add more clarity to it.

The study is not based on "statistic findings" but rather "statistical findings". Use accurate word references to give more clarity to your information presentation. You should also consider placing a conclusion type of paragraph at the end of the abstract. It should not end on the last reference related to your topic listings.

Writing Feedback / GRE Argument Issue; A nation should require all students to study the same national curriculum [2]

Your potential score for this essay is a 3. The low score is based on the grammar, logic, and sentence formation problems that exist in the presentation. Your discussion is inconsistent and does not follow a logical flow of thought. When you speak of a student inclined to study medicine, and a student interested in engineering, both students require advanced math education. Therefore, your argument becomes flawed and incorrect.

The favoritism of schools has no relation to the standard curriculum discussion. Your opinion does not show how the school favoritism system is connected to the discussion of a uniform curriculum. This discussion is unrelated to the topic, making it an irrelevant detail in the presentation.

You failed to clearly explain the reasons why you do not support a uniform curriculum. Your logic is flawed. You did not understand the actual requirements of the topic for discussion before you wrote the essay. It would be better if you read some sample GRE essays before you try to write another opinion paper. Familiarize yourself with possible discussion topics and how the previous students approached the discussion first. Then try to write your own take on the topic. That should help improve your logic and discussion flaws.

Graduate / Medical School Personal Characteristics Prompt [3]

Depending upon the maximum word count for the presentation, you will either need to add a paragraph or revise the total essay to accommodate the required changes in the discussion. Your opening paragraph should be connected to the second paragraph instead. Why? That is to show that your 2 opening sentences were meant to serve as the foundation of the topic in that paragraph. Why did you learn how to dance? You should also change your word choice from "unprecedented area" to "unexplored area on campus".

You need to explain how dance led to your becoming the leader of the society of engineers. That part lacks development in the presentation even though it is a highly important part of your character building. You may also want to consider explaining what cooking free food and making power point presentations have to do with the previous discussion or the development of your personality. How did these 2 activities contribute to that? You should always focus on clearly explaining your story. Don't introduce elements which are important without first offering an explanation or a quick backstory.

The closing paragraph is good. It works with the overall intention of your presentation. The note of confidence at the end is a good closing statement. However, the convincing power of your concluding paragraph will not work if you do not better develop your presentation in the 2 previous paragraphs first.

Writing Feedback / The table given illustrates the data about the underground railroad's networks in six locations [2]

Kindly remember that the task 1 essay is to be comprised of 3 paragraphs. It is not comprised of 2 paragraphs or 3 paragraphs with one paragraph connected to the previous one because you forgot to hit the Enter key to separate the presentations. Be aware of your presentation format. It has to be 3 paragraphs with 3-5 sentences each. Using this format, I cannot tell where the summary overview exists, there the trending statement was presented, and where the next paragraph began. Since you are scored on clarity of the presentation, make sure the examiner can easily spot the required paragraph segments for scoring. When you mention the capacity, you need to mention what the measurement representation for capacity was. That is all a part of the summary information. It is not to be neglected in the presentation.

Do not rush your information presentation. Try to clearly separate the information sentences per paragraph. Show your ability to use more than just a period and a comma to separate the presentations, which by the way, are veering into run-on sentence territory. You need to show that you are capable of creating informative sentences that can stand alone, rather than being consistently connected with one another. Just because the information relates to one another doesn't mean that these all have to be presented in a single sentence. Rather, it has to be clearly presented, per sentence.

Writing Feedback / What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad? ielts writting task 2 [2]

This is an incomplete Task 2 essay so it cannot be reviewed properly. You only provided 216 words for a 250 minimum word essay test. It will be useless to review the work at this point because the percentage of point deductions will not allow your essay to achieve a passing band score. So at this point, I can only give a general comment on your presentation.

It appears that you did not completely discuss the prompt requirements. The original prompt required you to discuss the advantages and disadvantages along with a personal preference regarding studying abroad. Would you want to it yourself? Why? When you present information in the essay, avoid mentioning any information sources. That is because you are being asked to discuss the topic from your personal point of view, public knowledge, and personal experience. The Task 2 essay is always based on non-researched material. So , although you can say anything you want with regards to the information, never mention an information source as you did in this essay. Always frame it from a public or personal point of view instead.

So, the errors in this essay are:
- Lack of prompt instruction responsiveness
- Lack of personal preference discussion
- Lack of word count

Based on the missing elements, this is definitely not a passing essay presentation.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Causes and solutions for global warming [4]

The essay, though with constructive discussion points, suffers from a lack of proper development, incomplete word references, and under developed paragraphs. I think you rushed through the presentation and did not really pay attention to perfecting your work, even though you had more than ample time and word count to do so. It is important to always review your work before the time is up so that you can spot incorrect grammar, insufficient explanations, and add clarity to certain discussion points. By the way, you should not be referring to who can solve the problems at the end of the paraphrase, you should be referring to actual solutions since the question was not about who can solve the problem but rather, what can be done to solve the problem.

In this case, the following are your incomplete phrase or word presentations:
Greenhouse is the main... - Greenhouse GASES are the main...
Transport is the major carbon emission... - ... TRANSPORTATION is the major SOURCE OF carbon emission...

One of the major presentation problems in your essay is the lack of proper paragraph development. In the first reasoning paragraph, your presentation was coherent for the most part. Then, the cohesiveness disappeared when you presented the second discussion topic. Although it may have been related to the first discussion, the lack of connecting explanation between the two topics created a lack of clarity and an underdevelopment of your presentation. Since you only have 5 sentences per paragraph, you should always present connected discussion topics this way:

- First topic sentence
- Reason for this topic
- Related topic sentence
- Example that connects the 2 topics
- Supporting discussion 1
- Supporting discussion 2 or transition sentence into the next paragraph

The same format should be used in the 2nd reasoning paragraph as well. That was also confusing to read as there was no clear connection between the government and people solution. The paragraph was, in effect, lacking in presentation clarity and idea development.

The concluding paragraph is short by 3 sentences. You did well in providing a restatement of the prompt and the possible sources of solution. You should have also indicated what these solutions are and a closing statement as a reminder to the reader.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1: COFFEE AND TEA BUYING AND DRINKING HABITS IN FIVE CITIES IN AUSTRALIA [2]

There is a misconception that the more words you write, the more chances you have of passing the test. That is entirely false information. When you write an essay, specially a task 1 essay, you have to take note of the time provided for your writing task. The time provided is 20 minutes. Within 20 minutes you have to:

- Brainstorm your discussion approach
- Take note of important information based on the writing instructions
- Write your draft report
- Review, revise, edit, and finalize the report

You have to do all of these within 20 minutes. You should not just write immediately, making up the information as you go along. The Task 1 essay needs to be short, quickly written, but still informative as per the instruction requirements. That said, 211 words means you will be cutting into your Task 2 writing time of 40 minutes when you go through the report finalization process. That is never a good idea. That is why you are asked to write just enough words, within 175-190 words. That leaves you with enough time to create the perfect essay presentation.

The Task 1 essay requires you to write short, informative sentences. You do this by presenting related sentence information in the paragraph between 3-5 sentences. Keep it short, informative, and without the use of run on sentences. Your essay uses the run-on presentation throughout. That will definitely affect your GRA score. You should do your best to use clear sentences. Make your thoughts known without using too many words. Keep it short. The ultra descriptive discussion should be reserved for the Task 2 essay that allows you write more words. You do not need to summarize the information at the end of your report. That is what the summary overview is for, the first paragraph of the task 1 essay.

Write the essay using a 3 paragraph format. The 4 paragraph format often ends up with the students writing more words, but making more grammar and presentation errors as evidenced by your work. I can use this essay as the basis of reviewing your next essay. Now I know what your writing style is like and I was able to point out the biggest problem of your essay, conciseness. Work on that problem in the next essay so that I can review the other presentation errors in your work.

Writing Feedback / Essay - The ownership of car should be restricted to one per family / climate change [5]

While you did write more than the minimum required word count, you did not follow the discussion format as required. As such, the essay has not provided an appropriate response to the direct question being asked. The question was:

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

You responded:

In reality, more vehicle will increase environmental health hazards on human beings.

You placed your extent response at the end of the essay instead:

I tend to strongly support government initiative

It is clear from the way that you formatted your response that you had no idea as to how to properly discuss this essay based on the given instruction. You failed to create a proper concluding summary and you failed to create a proper prompt restatement. Both formatting errors, plus several other presentation errors will result in a failing score for this essay.

The question is asked at the beginning. The reason you have to give your direct response at the end of the prompt restatement is because you are being a chance to properly outline your discussion paragraphs in the presentation. An example response:

(Students are not allowed to offer their own response examples as student advice and examples tend to be incorrect. The response examples are for contributors only to offer.)

Modern families tend to own more than one automobile per family. This multiple vehicle proprietorship is believed to be one reason for street gridlocks. As such, a proposal has been made to limit the ownership of sedans to only one per household. I strongly support this idea due to two main reasons.

Do not exaggerate your restatement. Stick to the given information. Focus on synonym usage. Indicate the number of reasons or the reasons itself in the last sentence. Complete the summary presentation and outline of the discussion.

Your current discussion is not aligned with the requirements of the discussion. The discussion responses should be related to the strength of your belief in your response to the question. The government has nothing to do with the discussion so they should never be included in the presentation. You may use personal knowledge, commonly known information, or personal experience as the basis for your discussion reasons. Stick only with the facts presented in the original discussion.

This is not a comparative discussion. Only 2 reasons that explain your support for a particular point of view must be presented. Discuss comparative reasons only in A/.D and C/C essays. Opinion essays, such as this one, which have direct questions requiring straight responses do not use multiple angle discussion points.

The concluding summary, as the phrase suggests, should allow you to repeat the previous information in a new manner. It must show the examiner that you are capable of saying the same information in at least 2 different ways, that still keeps the essence of the discussion intact. That is why you cannot offer the strength of your opinion in the summary conclusion. That creates an open ended essay, which will result in a low score for you because you failed to close the essay using the expected format.

At this point, I will not delve into the other errors of your essay. Your presentation was wrong to begin with, so giving you advice based on a wrong presentation will not be helpful to you.

Writing Feedback / Compare the percentage of households in owned and rented accommodation in England and Wales; IELTS 1 [3]

You missed the word count because you did not format the essay into 3 paragraphs composed of 3-5 sentences. You were unable to completely summarize the information in the bar graphs, and you did not try to make a comparison paragraph in your essay. Basically, to meet the word count, you need to properly study the data in relation to instruction for the report. The basic outline is:

Par. 1:
- Title of the image
- Type of image
- Measurement information (source, list of information sources, age range of sources, etc. )
- Measurement requirement
- Trending statement

Providing the above information in the first paragraph will help you get closer to the 150 minimum word count.

Par. 2:
- Primary image information
- Pertinent image information using an analytical presentation
- Observations

These should be accomplished also within 3-5 sentences.

3rd Paragraph:
- Comparison data (overlapping images)
- Extended trending statement explanation
- Notable information not related to the primary information
- Any secondary information you may have observed.

All of these paragraphs should be completed using the 3-5 sentence requirement per paragraph. Using these number of sentences will help you achieve more than 150 words. In fact, you should be able to produce anywhere from 175-190 words using the above format for your outlining, drafting, and final presentation.

Writing Feedback / Issue: whether the university should accept the balanced amount of each gender in all courses or not [5]

The opening paraphrase is short by one sentence. It does not meet the 3-5 sentence requirement per paragraph. Your concluding paragraph also has the same problem. Both paragraphs have the same purpose, to restate the prompt and discussion points in a manner that (for the opening) outlines the discussion or (for the concluding paragraph) reminds the reader of the pertinent discussion points in a summarized manner.

The discussion instruction also asks you to measure your degree of dis/agreement with the given topic. So the simple "I do not agree" should be presented instead as "I greatly oppose" or "I heavily disagree". There has to be a measured emotional response that indicates a certain strength to your belief in your response.

Great work on the first reasoning paragraph. You did even better in the second reasoning paragraph. Your ability to properly use the first person pronoun to emphasize your point will be greatly considered under the GRA marking of your essay. However, you created an under developed presentation with your second line of reasoning in the third paragraph.

There was no need to mention matrimonial problems in this instance. This part of the discussion was left hanging and unclear to the reader. What does matrimonial problems have to do with the equal number of students in every subject? Since you did not complete the explanation, the topic appeared to be irrelevant and a deviation in the discussion. While your GRA score may be better scored, your C&C score will suffer from deductions because of this unnecessary topic presentation.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 : JOB SATISFACTION AND JOB SECURITY [3]

I am impressed by the level of your personal opinion and the validity by which you discussed it. However, the essay does not require only your point of view for the 2 given topics. It requires a comparative discussion of the two points of view, based on public opinion pronoun references, prior to your discussing your personal point of view. This is, in fact, a 3 reasoning paragraph essay as it requires individually developed reasons for each of the 2 public points of view, after which your personal point of view, based upon a comparison of the first 2 discussion points may be presented.

This is a 5 paragraph essay, your personal opinion cannot be used as the closing paragraph. Mostly because doing so will create an open ended rather than concluded essay. A concluded essay should summarize pertinent discussion points from the 3 reasoning paragraphs you presented, along with a restatement of the original topic.

Writing Feedback / In the near future, most people will use driverless cars - what's your opinion on this matter? [3]

There is absolutely no clarity to your discussion presentation. You are just typing as you think. You did not concern yourself with the clarity and coherence of your discussion, which is one of the major points considerations in any task 2 essay. You failed to follow the major rule of essay writing: Always outline your topics before you write your draft.

You must get used to the idea of outlining and drafting your work before you consider it to be in final form. The outline will help you keep focus of the singular discussion topic and reasoning / supporting statements per paragraph. The draft will allow you have time to review your work for clarity and relation to the given discussion.

Your essay tends to be all over the place. That means, there is no clear topic focus per paragraph, there are no supporting reasons, no acceptable examples, and no properly developed supporting statements for the reader to rely upon for direction in the discussion. The lack of focus is the main reason why this essay is not well written and, it cannot receive a passing score.

Try to use an outline when you draft your next essay. Look for related reasons to support your topic sentence. Make sure the examples will support the topic and your supporting statements, should further support the given example. Once you achieve that level of clarity, the essay will be better understandable on the reader's part. It does not have to be an advanced level of clarity, just making sure that you stick to the discussion topic / topic sentence will be a good start for your writing improvement.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1: Pie chart (Energy use and gas emission of Australia household) [2]

There is a lack of clarity in your summary overview. You must be specific about having 2 charts presented and what each chart represents. You cannot simply say there are charts. The examiner would like to know how well you know your images. So be specific, mention the type of chart. In this case;

There are 2 pie charts that represent Australian household energy use and Australian household greenhouse gas emissions. The trend for The energy chart indicates... The second chart, pertaining to... shows specific information about... Measurements for both charts are indicated in percentages. Each chart will be compared to one another in terms of information in this report.

Try to work on building your vocabulary and increasing your understanding of English words. Froze is not the same as cooling. Other references to cooling, that have the same meaning are: refrigration, air conditioning or air cooling, as indicated by household use. Avoid using English colloquialisms that you are not familiar with such as; "coming behind". The correct term is "coming from behind". Do not use a 3rd person present indicative such as "is" when you should be using the present indicative plural "are" in the presentation. This error is seen in "Coming behind is other appliances".

There are several other sentence problems in this essay but I cannot show you how to correct these errors without rewriting the whole essay. So let me just leave you with this instruction, work on building your vocabulary, review your grammar rules, and keep practicing sentence formation. You have room to improve, I can see that you have the potential to pass the test. However, we need to have you work on improving your basics first.

Writing Feedback / People working in creative arts should be financially supported by government. What is your view? [4]

The problem with this essay presentation lies in the formatting of your response. The discussion should be completed over 5 paragraphs indicative of the following considerations:

Par. 1 - The topic summary and discussion instruction presentation
Par 2 - The first public point of view. Second person or group pronouns must be used to indicate the POV presented as public
Par. 3 - The second public point of view. Use additional second person or group pronouns to indicate the public opinion
Par. 3 - The personal opinion. Use the first person pronouns to clearly point out that this is your point of view
Par. 4 - Concluding summary. Indicate the original topic, the reasons supporting the 2 public opinions, restate your opinion, follow up with a closing sentence.

Your presentation comes across as a general discussion that does not consider a full reference to the public opinion, which is a requirement if you want a better GRA score. This essay tries to give you the opportunity to show that you know how to use the English grammar rules (GRA) in the presentation of a discussion. The better you highlight your knowledge of pronoun presentation and usage, along with punctuation marks and sentence formatting, the better your score in this area. This test, leans towards scoring heavily on the GRA standards, among the other scoring considerations.

Writing Feedback / Rising of fuel costs to reduce the number of transportation and environmental pollution [8]

ARGH! You missed the minimum word requirement by 1 word. Just 1 word. Believe it or not, you will still have a small penalty applied to your work for that missing word. Always make sure you write more than the minimum, anywhere between 275-290 should protect you from word count penalties and help increase your score in the other sections.

Your second paragraph is a prompt deviation. You are discussing the effects of Covid 19 on the ecomony,

The phrase; "to a certain extent" does not meet the clear opinion statement requirements of the task. You are given a score based on your ability to give a clear opinion, which in this case is a measure response to the "extent" question. If you do not offer a clear extent response, then the essay will be scored lower due to the lack of a clearly stated opinion. An example of a more appropriate response is; "I strongly oppose this point of view based on a number of reasons.Other measures that could be considered are... " That sentence clearly indicates a measured (strongly) response (oppose) to the question being asked. There is also a clear outline of the reasoning discussion (other measures... ) presented as a part of the original discussion response. All of these would have helped secure the clarity of your opinion and the basis of your discussion. The scores of which would have a direct effect on your TA plus C&C score.

Do not indicate information not in the original prompt, there has never been a debate regarding this topic over the decades. The question is being asked in the moment. Do not make assumptions that could alter the information from the original presentation. Your ability to restate the original prompt with accuracy is very important to your TA and C&C score. Be accurate, never assume, never imply, never add information. Just stick to the basic presentation, that is how you score better.

What has Covid 19 got to do with the discussion? You are not being asked to discuss the negative effects of Covid 19 on the energy situation. You have just changed the prompt discussion, which means the examiner will disregard that whole paragraph, and deduct all of those words from your actual word count, which means, you do not have a prayer of passing the test at this point. You should have immediately presented your first suggestion for the alternate solution instead, then immediately followed it up with the 2nd suggestion in the 3rd paragraph.

The third paragraph is also problematic as you only present suggestions without fully developing the explanation for each solution you present. That is why the essay reasoning paragraphs should have focused on the solutions only, rather than that irrelevant discussion that you presented which cause the essay to fail the test. You should have only 1 topic per paragraph unless otherwise specified. The essay you wrote has too many comprehension and formatting problems for it to achieve a passing band score. You will not pass the test yet. Not at this point.

You first need to familiarize yourself with the discussion formats and how to approach them in your response. You will not want for examples of those at this forum. You will also manage to learn about how to discuss each format since proper advice is given to the students pertaining to their specific errors in the thread. These should help you avoid making the same mistakes in the future and hopefully, help you achieve a better presentation next time.

Writing Feedback / The line graph compares the amount of four different types of food consumed in Europe; IELTS 1 [2]

You should try to stay within the 175-190 word count. Writing any more than that number opens your report up to various types of errors. Writing 200 words or more should be reserved for the Task 2 essay. You only have 20 minutes for the task 1 report so you should break down your work time into the following:

10 minutes to review, outline, and breakdown the notable parts of the report.
5 minutes to write the draft
5 minutes to review, edit, and finalize the draft before you submit the report for grading

Your summary overview has missed out on 2 key elements of this presentation:
- The measurement type (grams per person per week)
- The title of the graph restated in your own words

Good work on the creative outlining of the types of meat compared in the graph. Excellent trending presentation. Still, you have room for improvement based on the items you missed in the summary overview.

You should always use a comma when enumerating related content such as beef, lamb, and fish. The comma adds a pause that allows the reader to better understand what you are saying. The pause is required is when reading a sentence that may otherwise be too long or bordering on a run-on.

You need not say "It can be seen in the graph". Always assume the reader does not have a copy of the graph and will be reliant on the clarity of your presentation. So no words that will make the reader uncertain about what you are saying. Simply start from the information from 1979 and move forward from there. You have presented several run-on sentences in this discussion, specifically in the second and third paragraphs. When you discussed the information for fish in the second paragraph, that should have been presented in a separate sentence since that is not meat product and does not relate to the first presentation.

The same issues continued to persist in the 3rd paragraph, which made the presentation difficult to follow. Beef must be separated from chicken because, although both meat products, they were measured separated in the graph. Additionally, you missed out on the comparison presentation of overlapping information between beef and lamb, beef and chicken. These 2 overlapping points are part of the "make comparisons where relevant" discussion instruction of the original prompt.

Based on these errors, you should try to aim for a 5 band score first because you failed to achieve that this time. While it is admirable that you have such high hopes for your writing, you should build that dream score gradually. That 8 band score cannot be achieved overnight. You have to work on your writing skills, hone you vocabulary, and perfect your sentence structures and punctuation mark usage to near perfection before you can achieve that kind of score.

Writing Feedback / Discuss about the inequality between artists and the government's interfere [3]

It is highly unfortunate that you did not meet the minimum 250 word count for the essay. Having written only 231 words means that you are still facing a steep percentage deduction due to your incomplete word presentation. While 250 is the minimum requirement, you should aim to produce at least 275-290 words, just to make sure that you not only meet the word count, but that you were able to write well enough to be considered for the highest possible band score based on your written presentation. That said, there are some sections for improvement in your work.

Since this is an extent essay, you should be writing this from an emotional standpoint. That means, you cannot simply say that the government involvement is not necessary. Rather, you must offer a measure of your disagreement with the given topic. One example of a measured response would be; "I greatly disagree with this point of view for 2 specific reasons." You may opt to outline the reasons in the opening paraphrase + statement response if your presentation has not met the 3-5 sentence requirement yet. The first 2 sentences should be the paraphrase, the last 3, the direct response and reasons (if possible). While you can include the reasoning outline to help show how the discussion presentation in the paragraphs will be presented, it is not a requirement. You may opt to use the reasons as topic sentences marking the first sentence in the reasoning paragraph instead.

Having reviewed your discussion paragraphs, I have spotted 2 errors in your discussion presentation:
1. Your paragraphs are under discussed and lacks supporting examples and additional discussions to make it clearer to the reader and add to the coherence of the paragraphs.

2. Your reasoning paragraphs run counter to your original intention, which is to prove that the government should not support artists. You cannot give one answer in the response and then totally change your mind in the discussion portion. The examiner will view this essay as confusing and without a real opinion. He will not be able to give this essay a passing score in the TA section if it is clear that you are not capable of properly supporting your single point of view opinion.

Remember that unless specifically ask to compare and contrast or discuss the A/D of a given topic, all IELTS Task 2 essays are single opinion essays as you are scored heavily on the clarity of your opinion and ability to explain why you have that particular opinion in mind. Suddenly changing your discussion pattern and opinion in the presentation will never be good for your final score.

Now, I will stop reviewing your work at this point for 2 reasons:
1. The lack of word count
2. The improper discussion format

If you post another essay that meets the word count and is properly formatted, I will definitely give you a more comprehensive review of your work.

Writing Feedback / People should learn about the past despite some drawbacks of studying history [4]

You should not be arguing in this essay. You should be offering a direct response to the question which is, do you agree or disagree? You are not being asked to argue your point, you are being asked to discuss it based on the opinion that you support. Based on your writing, it appears that you agree with the opinion presented. However, you did not directly present that discussion, which was the requirement for the essay response.

When it got to the discussion paragraphs, your opinion became further blurred. There is a lack of clarity in your presentation because you opted to weight the pros and cons of both sides rather than taking a solid stance based on a clear opinion. The Task 2 test scores you on the clarity of your opinion and your reasoning in defense of it. This essay does not appropriately accomplish the expected task. You are not giving a solid opinion and you do not have a real side to support in the discussion paragraphs. As such, the examiner will score you essay based on the lack of a clear opinion, which will not be good for your final score. You need to choose a single opinion and base the 2 reasoning paragraphs on the reasons that you feel support your opinion.

Now, the above explanation indicates the major reason why your essay will start off with a low scoring consideration. Further deductions will be applied for your LR, GRA, and C&C errors. Since you did not properly discuss the essay, I see no need to discuss these errors in detail. I will expect you to do a better job in your next essay, which I hope to review deeply for you so that you can improve your writing and reasoning skills.

Writing Feedback / Discuss advantages and disadvantages of technological devices [3]

Please do your best to limit your discussion presentation to within 275-290 words. While you might be able to write 389 words during the CBT test, that does not mean that you will have written the perfect, more than passing score essay. All that means is that you opened up your writing to more errors that will go unchecked and uncorrected because you spent all the 40 minutes just typing away, without considering the scoring considerations for the essay. What are the scoring considerations? The TA,C&C, LR, and GRA individual scores. Scored individually, these sections will comprise you overall score. Do well in all 4, you more than pass the test. Do just well enough, you pass the test, Have too many errors in all sections, you fail the test, regardless of the number of words that you wrote.

In this essay, I spotted at least 15 errors covering all 4 of the scoring considerations. That means, you failed to proof read your work at least 5 times in this presentation. All because you focused on length instead of quality. The accuracy of your grammar, the proper use of vocabulary, the clarity of your explanation, those matter more in the scoring section than any long essay you might be able to present. Write less, make less mistakes,write clearly, pass the test. That should be your mantra, that should be your aim, if you really want to pass this test your first time taking it.

Now, because you did not complete the prompt presentation for this essay, I will not be able to review your essay for content conformity. There are several technology based essays that have similar themes to what you just wrote. So, I will not focus on your content but on the mistakes that you made which have a direct impact on your final score.

Spelling:
youthes - youth
abudant - abundant

Spacing problem: Always use a space after every comma
videos, books, music, etc. , ( avoid informal word presentations such as etc in an academic or opinion discussion)

regulary - regularly

* Several more errors exist for correction

Grammar:
Do not place a space between a word and a period
young . - young.
* You are not familiar enough with grammar and sentence structure rules. You have to study more in relation to English writing rules before you try to write another essay.

Truthfully, there are just way too many errors in this essay, spanning several English writing rules, that will prevent you from achieving a passing score. I cannot continue to review and correct your errors because of these unchecked errors. Review the writing rules before you write another practice test. If you do not do that, then you might simply repeat the same errors you made in this presentation.

Writing Feedback / Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals. IELTS TASK 2 [2]

Okay. So, you did not meet the minimum word requirement for this essay. There are percentage points that will be deducted based on the missing 49 words. That is the first main problem that will reduce your grade passing capacity with this presentation. Always meet the 3 - 5 sentence requirement per paragraph. It does not matter if it is the prompt paraphrase, the body of paragraphs, or the concluding summary. Meeting the sentence requirement will always result in you meeting the minimum or more than the minimum word count.

Speaking of the paragraphs, you have a tendency to use run-on sentences in your presentations. That will be the main reason why you will not meet the 3-5 sentence count. This error will have a direct effect on your GRA score as this type of format shows a lack of punctuation usage, grammar rules, and sentence structure ability.

These are the main reasons why your essay will not be able to achieve a passing score. These represent just too many point deductions in your work, and I have not even included the spelling errors that will pull down you LR score as well. Correct these 2 main errors in your presentation in your next essay. When you accomplish that, we will be able to talk about the quality of your presentation already.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK2 - limit the use of cars [2]

This is a pretty effective discussion. You show that you have a clear understanding of the discussion topic and instructions. However, you gave a personal opinion that was not required in the prompt. The following was not required by the discussion instruction:

That is to say, the ban on those factories should be prioritized in order to keep air pollution at bay.

When you add information like that, you are required to build that topic up as a separate topic sentence in a new paragraph. Since it is not a discussion topic from the original prompt, it is going to alter the total discussion and will cause the examiner to reduce your score because you have included an unnecessary topic. It will be counted against your word actual word count and, if it covers enough words, will result in point deductions related to your essay not falling under the minimum word count. Always avoid including topics that will end up changing the discussion slant.

Your third paragraph is good but hard to follow. You forgot to divide your presentation into sentence ideas. The paragraph ended up being a severely long sentence, a run-on sentence. This error in sentence formation and thought presentation will result in a reduction of your GRA score as well. So you now have 2 considerable problems in your presentation, both of which will affect your final score. Having pointed these out to you should make it easier for your to avoid these problems in the future.

The concluding paragraph needs to properly restate your discussion points from the earlier paragraphs. The concluding summary should prove to the examiner that you are capable of summarizing your own thoughts, and integrating it into a presentation that includes the original prompt discussion. This must be done between 3-5 sentences. Accomplish that and you will be able to increase your TA score.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Book 13 test 3 task 1 - Top 10 countries for the production and consumption of electricity [4]

The word countries signifies the plural form of "country" so there is no need to use an apostrophe after the S. You are indicating the plural form of the word, not ownership or anything else. You should have indicated the complete measurement indicators presented in the graph. You forgot to indicate the consumption requirement for the measurements. Always double check the information. Make sure you did not miss any important indicators in the summary overview.

Your second and third paragraphs are run-ons. There should have been a period separating some of the sentence thoughts. You clearly have individual sentence topics which you did not properly divide and present in the paragraph. Never combine several thoughts in one sentence. It creates confusion in your presentation and removes the ability of the reader to clearly understand your presentation. Do not be afraid to separate your thoughts into full stops. That is the best way to keep the paragraph clear and coherent. If you must, combine no more than 2 related topics in one sentence. Do not use too many words though otherwise that connected presentation will turn into a run on. Use only one comma to connect the thoughts and topics.

Your grammar still needs work. Try to complete some sentence development exercises alongside your essay writing practice tests. That way you can familiarize yourself with proper sentence structures and vocabulary usage. Both of which will help you a great deal in the development of your Task 1 writing skills. Don't get me wrong, your presentation is understandable. However the sentence structure problems will lead to a low GRA score and your imperfect vocabulary usage will result in lowered LR scores are well.

Research Papers / RESEARCH ESSAY (USING MAT TO TREAT OPIATE USE DISORDER) [3]

You need to kick off the essay with a backgrounder on what you call " a very strong force within themselves". It would be better for the essay if you can start off with a quick story of an Opiod addict and how he got started, then how it ended for that person. It would help illustrate the "darkness" that the Opioid addiction brings on, It will also make it easier for the reader to relate to your research paper.

To lessen your quotes or source usage in the presentation, you need to stop using the cut and paste method and instead, learn to offer your understanding of the information. Rather than simply paraphrasing, explain what you understood of the information you provided. You should also choose only the most important references to quote in the paper. You have to choose only the important references that can help strengthen your presentation. As of now, you are relying too much on citations to build your paper. You are just sticking in the quotes to help you create a semblance of a research paper. However, that is not a research paper is created. You need to figure out what you really want to focus on within the paper first. From what I can tell, the paper lost its focus from "darkness" to "MAT". If your real focus is MAT, then you should revise the start of the essay to reflect that instead of using the "very strong force" argument as it does not apply to the totality of your presentation.

As for your vocabulary, you are writing a paper that requires technical vocabulary for the discussion. Only you can double check the vocabulary usage in this case. Mistly because you wrote the paper focusing on a medical treatment. So you can't really expect to use general everyday words for the paper. Your other option, is to use a professional editing service to help clean up your presentation, vocabulary, and grammar issues within the paper.

Writing Feedback / Government: Conserve endangered species or human being is more important. Both views and opinion? [3]

Oh boy! 434 words, you sure can type. You type pretty fast. However, you do not type within the limitations of a 40 minute essay that requires the student to complete a clear, concise, and properly developed simple essay presentation. You wrote a research paper when a simple opinion paper is required. For a task 2 essay, you should not be aiming to write more than 250-290 words. The idea is to quickly explain your opinion, without making it unnecessarily long. The examiner wants to see how well you can express yourself in English, you don't have to over explain, just explain enough.

Your essay does not use enough pronoun variations to clearly indicate the 3 paragraph reasoning presentations:
- Public point of view 1
- Public point of view 2
- Personal opinion

The overall presentation does not discuss both opinions in the manner required by the prompt. It skips on the proper point of view presentations. It is incomplete in presentation style. You should make sure that you are using the correct format when discussing this multiple point of view essay. The focus should be on improving your GRA score through the pronoun usage indicating public opinion presentations. Using a controlled word presentation.

While other teachers will tell you to simply keep writing until you run out of time, I teach my students the opposite. Control the word count, focus on the quality of your presentation, and the clarity of your discussion. An extra long essay such as this one will always have more errors in it that will keep pulling down your overall score. That is what you will avoid when you write a simple essay of proper length. You always get a better score with a concise essay, never with an extra long discussion presentation.

Writing Feedback / Ielts task 2: the impacts of punishment in moral education and the right way to punish children [4]

It appears that you totally misunderstood the original prompt for this essay. The discussion pertains to the necessity of teaching children right from wrong. Your response is incorrect as it it a non-response to the given question. "To a certain extent" does not depict a true measurement of your extent response. A true measurement decides only between an agree or disagree measurement. Your essay will be seen as not having a real opinion and be scored down considerably because of it. There is no middle of the aisle measurement in this instance. Pick one side and defend it in the essay.

Your essay fails to depicts what sort of punishment the parents and teachers should give in order to correct bad behavior in children. So your essay response is not fully developed either. While your response may be based on your knowledge, the scoring potential for the essay would have been increased if you have used relevant examples from your own experience in relation to the discussion suggestion as to how parents and teachers should teach children right from wrong.

Essays / Questions related to Chevening 2020/2021 [2]

While your academics will matter in the consideration of your application, it is not the strongest aspect that will be considered in your presentation. Rather, it is the strength of your professional experience and vastness of your professional exposure that will matter more. That is because you will be up against some of the most highly qualified professionals in the world, some with diplomatic experience, in the application pool. It is the education and work experience that will have to set you apart from the other candidates. The most successful applicants are those with the strongest professional references and career prospects. If you feel that you will be able to compete on the professional level, even if you academic background does not include name schools, then you have nothing to worry about.

If you are changing career paths then you may have a problem with the competition. Most of the applicants are well established in their fields with career paths that indicate their future as leaders within their field of work and, potentially, as leaders of their country. So you will have to think about whether or not your new career path will be able to withstand the relevance, leadership, and networking scrutiny that your application will definitely undergo.

Chevening is not a scholarship application for students who do not have strong career foundations. While they do not look at the ranking of the school that you came from, they do require that you have a highly relevant experience in relation to the masters course that you will be choosing. It is not the kind of scholarship that someone looking for career change should apply for. It is too competitive when it comes to professional credentials and leadership requirements. Those with weak career credentials may not make it through the first round of considerations.

Word to the wise, before you apply for Chevening, make sure that the course you want to apply to, and the field of work you are in, are both supported by Chevening as a part of their educational program. If it is not, then you will not be considered for the scholarship.

Writing Feedback / Reading newspapers and books online - CAM 15 | Test 2 | Writing Task 2 [5]

This is a good start. For a first timer, I could sense the effort that you placed in developing your reasoning paragraphs. You also did your best to paraphrase the original prompt. While you did a good job with the paraphrase, you did not change enough of the original words in the presentation so that you would be seen as using your own words in the restatement of the prompt. You need to build your English vocabulary in this case. Only when you learn to use alternative words will you be able to present the original prompt in your own words. That will help you increase your TA and LR scores.

Both reasoning paragraphs are acceptable but could use more work on cohesion and discussion development. Try not to use too many topics or examples in the paragraphs as these create presentations that require more explanation development. In fact, your second reasoning paragraph is less developed than the first. That is because you rushed the second example that you gave, using very little presentation development which would have helped create a clearer paragraph presentation.

The concluding paragraph suddenly changed into an A/D representation, which was not the way that the original prompt instructed you to discuss this topic. You failed to properly summarize the discussion topic starting with the original topic, the reason for the discussion, your opinion, and the basis of your opinion. So the concluding paragraph doesn't deliver the required information and format. Do not insert any information that may change the direction of the discussion or instruction format. That type of error can result in penalties for your paper in an actual test.

It would be better if I do not score your work for now. It is important that I learn your writing style and abilities before I start grading you. It would be better if I start scoring you on your next essay rather than this one. That way you can show me any improvements you may have made to your writing style by then.