Writing Feedback / IELTS- Ad-Dis Essay. More and more people are starting to work from home. [2]

The response is inaccurate. You are being asked to choose only one aspect of the topic to discuss. Either you present a solid support of the positive within 2 reasoning paragraphs or, you present a stance on the negative side, again using 2 negative reasons in the defense paragraphs. You cannot compare and contrast because that is not the instruction of the original prompt. You are to pick one side to support and then, present strong discussion topics to defend your stance. Nothing more, nothing less. Remember the original prompt asks:

Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Not once did the essay ask you to do a comparison discussion. It is asking you to directly pick a side to discuss with conviction within 2 reasoning paragraphs. Why do you need to pick only one side? Read the question, the word OR indicates a connection of two different possibilities. Since there are 2 given choices, you must make a decision to pick only one side to discuss. Otherwise, the essay will not be able to deliver a concise and coherent defense of your response. You are being asked to present your position on the given topic based on the choices given. The essay does not say "Discuss both points of views", which is the reference for a comparison essay instruction (advantage v. disadvantage, compare and contrast).

Now, since your essay does not express a position of support as indicated by the original prompt, the TA score will automatically be a 2. Which means, due to the additional mistakes you made in the remaining scoring sections, this essay will not be able to achieve a 5 band score. Why? There are grammar issues in the essay (can not = cannot), concise language issues (whether or not = whether), and punctuation problems with the use of the Oxford comma throughout the listing of related words in the essay will result in point deductions for each scoring criteria. When totaled, the score cannot reach the minimum 5 band bracket.

You also failed to time yourself during this exercise. The resulting 374 words are not an accurate depiction of how you will perform under the 40 minute time limitation during the actual test. Kindly remember to time yourself next time. You should see that you will not be able to write more than 275-290 words for this task. That is, if you consider that you have to outline the discussion topics, draft the essay, grammar and spellcheck your work, before finalizing the presentation. It is impossible to write almost 400 words within the time frame allowed.

Writing Feedback / It is better to repuire school uniforms or not. (Argumentative Essay for IELTS) [3]

Here is the thing, you only have 40 minutes to complete this essay presentation. So you should be focused on a quick but detailed explanation. That would take anywhere from 275-290 words to complete within the given time frame. You wrote 398 words for this essay. While your explanations are extremely detailed and, I applaud you for using 5 paragraphs to explain instead of the expected 4 paragraphs, you don't really follow the format for the discussion paragraphs.

Unless you are asked to discuss both points of view and offer a personal opinion, you should limit yourself to only 4 paragraphs for the essay. That means you will use:

- 1 opening paraphrase
- 2 separate reasoning paragraph topics and explanations
- One summary discussion / concluding paragraph.

Your opening paraphrase could use some shortening. It is over presented. You always have to keep the time constraint in mind otherwise you will run out of time to properly format your presentation. A quicker way of rephrasing would have been:

Secondary school students find themselves required to wear the same attire at some educational institutions. Other academies prefer that their students be given the freedom to choose their style of dress. I believe that the latter is the better of the two learning institution regulations. I base this choice on my personal experience as a high school student.

The clarity of your presentation will be helped by using topic sentences at the start instead of numerical representations. Also, your cohesiveness would have been boosted had you used just the 2 related reasons from the first reasoning paragraph. By presenting the 2 related reasons as fully developed individual paragraphs, the essay would have scored highly in the C&C and GRA section. Your over writing did not help your score in this instance. Unless otherwise stated, you should stick to the 4 paragraph format just so you won't run out of time while writing, editing, and finalizing your presentation.

While other tutors will tell you to just keep on writing to score higher, I would caution against it. Mostly because that practice is focused on increasing the LR score when there should be an overall increased scoring focus in the essay. So limiting the vocabulary to words you are comfortable using, and which you can use properly in a sentence to convey the true meaning of your paragraphs, will actually be of more service to your essay. Clarity and coherence, along with proper formatting through the use of correct punctuation marks and mixed sentence writing are what will help you pass the test. Not the number of reasons which are not properly explained, not the increased number of words.

Good discussion though. You just had some major formatting problems that pulled back the potential of your essay to meet its maximum scoring potential.

Writing Feedback / Young professionals - the way of describing from the essay below: [3]

Since you did not include the image with the essay, your work cannot be reviewed in terms of content relevance and scoring considerations. Only a general grammar review can be done.

(WARNING! STUDENTS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SUPPLY THE IMAGE WHEN THE OP FORGETS TO UPLOAD IT. POST THE IMAGE FOR THE OP AT YOUR OWN RISK!)

For starters, the essay is 4 words under the minimum word count. You provided 146 words when the minimum requirement is 150. So you will immediately received TA points deductions for that word shortage. Now, since I do not have the actual image to refer to, I cannot even judge the relevance of your presentation to the given instructions for the discussion. What I do know is that:

You have spelling errors:
barchart = bar chart
suceed = succeed
amd = and
gaines = gains

Like I said, I cannot review your approach to the essay discussion or your data presentation due to the lack of image. Please upload the image the next time you post a task 1 essay so that you can receive a complete assessment of your work.

Writing Feedback / Will printed media soon be a thing of the past? What is your opinion ? [4]

Your prompt paraphrase is too far from the original material to qualify as a proper paraphrase. Let's put it this way, it would have been better if you had framed the original prompt as:

With the recent development in technology like e-books some people feel that the printed media like books, newspapers and magazine will soon be a thing of the past. Others feel that those forms of media will never disappear. I find it difficult to acquiesce with these ideas. This is because of the health considerations related to computer based reading materials and the desire of some people to still feel the printed pages as they read, while smelling the ink off the page.

Remember, in a straightforward opinion essay, you need to outline your discussion points at the start. In this case, mentioning the actual 2 topic sentences would have increased your TA presentation adherence, boosting your overall score in the process.

Had you used just 2 fully explained discussion topics as illustrated in the above outline, your essay would have been better represented. The discussion topic, focusing on only 1 topic per paragraph for full explanation, would have been seen as a better explanation and more format adherent. It would have also shown that you can create cohesive discussions by using 2 related topics to make your point in the explanation. Your current essay tends to be over discussed but very little developed in terms of explanation because you focused only on giving reasons, but not explaining the reasons properly. That is why you are limited to 2 topic sentences per paragraph for the standard essays and 3 topics per paragraph for the compare and contrast with personal opinion essays.

Please remember, you cannot start a sentence with the word And. That is a connecting word which requires a previous sentence idea presentation to be developed prior to the presentation of a connected idea in the last part of the sentence.

Writing Feedback / Economic globalization - IELTS Academic Writing Task 2 [2]

Ok. Let's review your essay using the scoring guide. It will be easier to explain your mistakes and correcting the errors should be self explanatory on your part.

TA - 4
The response you gave is not the correct response to the question and your explanation or prompt paraphrase is unclear, confusing, and unrelated to the task. Your actual discussion is divided, using unrelated topics, which created an incoherent and non-cohesive paragraph presentation. Let me show a sample of a more pointed response to the essay:

It appears that numerous dialects become extinct as the years pass. This does not bother the population of the specific language dead nations. They believe that social interactions will become better when only a few dialects are spoken globally. I strongly oppose this belief due to a few personally observed factors.

As you can see from the sample, your restatement simply lacks clarity. Perhaps this is because you lack English language proficiency or, you are just over reaching with your vocabulary choices. Either way, you lowered your TA score because of it.

Cohesiveness and Coherence - 3
Like I said, your overall work shows a lack of clarity in your explanation of reasons. You seem to be extra focused on your vocabulary usage rather than the clear expression of your explanation. By doing so, you have managed to create illogical paragraphs which do not clearly relay what you are thinking or the message you are trying to get across to the reader. There is a lack of relationship between sentences and paragraphs. You only provide reasons without properly presented explanations and supporting sentences. Several reasons do not create an understandable paragraph. A singular reason with a 5 sentence explanation will actually achieve that task.

Lexical Resource - 3
Again, this relates to the lack of clarity in your essay presentation. Your word choices have made it difficult for the reader to actually understand what you are trying to say. Word choices have distorted the meaning of the paragraphs.

GRA - 3

You are overusing the Oxford comma in your presentations. There is no proper mix of complex and simple sentences in your presentation. You are using ellipses (...) in an academic essay. Your sentence structures are faulty to the point that some sentences are difficult to understand.

It is highly possible that based on your current scores, you could get anywhere between a 3 - 3.5 for this type of writing. It is still far from the 5 base score that exam takers are aiming for.

Writing Feedback / Because wild creatures are on the brink of extinction so that there is no point in protecting them [2]

Aside from the fact that you misrepresented the original prompt in your introduction paraphrase, you also wrote an essay that is 9 words under the word count. That means, your essay will receive points deductions for the missing 9 words. Which will have a heavy effect on your overall score. More importantly, you did not properly rephrase nor respond to the original prompt which is:

OP: Wild animals have no place in the 21st century, so protecting them is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Your representation was:

Some people say that because wild creatures are on the brink of extinction so that there is no point in protecting them. I do disagree with this statement.

Note that there was no reference to extinction in the original prompt. Therefore, your paraphrase is incorrect. You also did not properly represent a measured response to the question. A possible correct presentation would have been:

There is a concern that the conservation of free roaming animals can be considered irrelevant in the 21st century. Therefore, the money used to shield these animals can be seen as being wasted. I strongly oppose this point of view.

Never change the discussion topic. You will fail in the TA section once you do that. Stick to the original discussion points. Do not include information that cannot be verified as a part of the original prompt. This error has cost you severely in the TA section where, I believe you cannot score better than a 1 because you did not properly rephrase the prompt and your question response was also improperly formatted.

Please remember that the paraphrase with response and the conclusion need to have a minimum of 3 sentences in the presentation. All paragraphs should not be more than 5 sentences also. So you will find additional points deducted because of the improper formatting of the paragraphs as well in relation to the GRA score.

Basically, the essay will not achieve a passing mark at this point. So it would be useless for me to review the other errors of the paper. Please try to submit a properly developed essay next time. One that has a minimum 250 words, but no more than 290 words, with 3-5 sentences per paragraph, composed of 1 topic sentence each. Once you show me you can do that, I will begin to review your exercise essays in earnest. Right now, I cannot do that because the essay will not pass based on formatting and response problems alone.

Essays / Show the relationship between psycholinguistic and first language teaching [2]

So, you are talking about the relationship between psycholinguistics and first language training. Based on what you have said, these are two differing methods of teaching languages to children. However, when you use the word "relationship", that means that there is a middle ground for these two topics. By middle ground, what I mean is, there is an area of teaching or a shared belief in something that helps to relate the two different topics into a single discussion. So, what is that relationship? Figure out the commonality between the two and include it in the relationship presentation. Since these are two different ideologies, maybe there won't be a commonality. So, why did you use the descriptive word "relationship" in the sub-title? Before you create your sub-titles, you must first brainstorm your content. Do not use descriptive words that do not have a relationship with the presented discussion. It will not only be misleading and uninformative, it will also make your research inaccurate and a misrepresentation of the discussion topic.

Writing Feedback / TASK 2 BEGINER - YOUNG PEOPLE SHOULD SPEND MORE TIME ON CULTURAL ACTIVITIES AND LESS TIME ON SPORT? [8]

If you were to pass this essay in the actual test, it would get a failing score. Since you did not write 250 words, the essay will automatically fail to achieve a passing task requirement score and, based on additional errors, the overall score cannot reach the minimum 5 band mark. What you wrote are only 2 reasoning paragraphs. You are missing the prompt restatement as the first paragraph and the reverse paraphrase, which is the closing paragraph. If you had written the missing paragraphs, you probably would have met the minimum word count.

This essay cannot be appropriately scored nor reviewed. It does not reflect your actual writing abilities and, because of the lacking word count, I cannot properly assess all 4 scoring criteria for your essay. As of now, I will consider this a first timer's essay writing exercise. I will wait for your second essay on a different topic that meets the minimum word count. I will review that work instead. Here is a tip, aim to write 275-290 words. You will always receive maximum scoring consideration in all aspects when you write the appropriate number of words, and if you do some self-editing within the 40 minute time allowance.

Graduate / GKS2020 Embassy Track Master of Communication & Media Personal Statement [2]

Remove all references to researched content in this essay. You are writing a personal statement, not a research study for the reviewer. You need to focus on the YOU of the application. You can still use the reference to Parasite, just not at the very beginning. Limit the reference to that movie to a few sentences, not a whole paragraph. You are just wasting space and boring the reviewer who knows everything that needs to be known, and probably more, about the movie and its worldwide success / acclaim.

Focus on your work in digital media. Remove all references to unrelated educational and work experiences. You are applying for a masters course, not an undergraduate admission. Strengthen your background in digital media and relate that strength to any potential interest you might have in Korean digital media. What sort of exposure to digital media in Korea do you have aside from the movie? Why and how did Korean digital film makers inspire you to study this masters track? Why do you believe you can succeed in this field?

Your essay does not represent any ability to do research nor does it show an affinity for continued education. Fix that mistake. You have to discuss it in the essay. Without it, the information about you will be incomplete and your application may be disqualified in the screening round. The last paragraph sounds more like you just did research and threw that information into the essay, hoping it will improve your chances, which it did not. Remove that last paragraph and come up with a more enticing concluding paragraph. One that could actually help the reviewer see you as a potentially bright student in this field.

Just remember, this is not a research paper, this is a personal statement with a hint of motivations required in the presentation.

Graduate / Personal statement for applying a MAs educational leadership [2]

The essay tends to be mundane overall. It doesn't really catch the eye of the reviewer. It is descriptive to a fault, one dimensional overall. Placing myself in the role of the reviewer, I found myself tuning out of your essay by the 5th sentence. That is a bad sign. If I tuned out at the 5th, reviewer will tune out at the 2nd or 1st sentence. You need to shorten the essay. Make it more interesting. The first paragraph has that potential. You just need to focus on the things that might catch the interest of the reviewer like the meaning of domestication and how it relates to your career plans. Be imaginative. Excite the reviewer. Right now, he is asleep in the back row.

As for the reasons you chose the university, paragraphs one and two are highly commonplace and will not impress the reviewer. This is part of what made the essay boring to read. However, the 3rd paragraph and the paragraphs thereafter started to becoming more interesting and relevant to your personal statement. So you may want to rethink your overall presentation. Make it shorter, concise, and interesting. Otherwise, the reviewer will fall asleep due to boredom. He won't be able to properly analyze the content of your essay. So, he may just decide your application isn't worth it, no matter how well qualified you are.

Writing Feedback / Some students choose to study in another country for a time during high school or university. [3]

I cannot review this essay, there are simply too many missing words for it to get a passing score. Instead, it will receive appropriate deductions for being an essay of only 202 words. It is too much under the 250 word minimum. You need an additional 48 words for this essay. The deductions for the word count plus other errors in the essay will result in a non-passing score. Since this is the first essay that you wrote and, it appears that you are self-studying, I would like to give you another chance. Having read your essay, I can tell that you can do better than this in a written discussion. Pick a different topic and write a proper word count discussion of it. I refuse to judge your writing abilities by this paper. It simply does not allow you to show your writing prowess in the correct manner. I hope you can post a new essay soon for my review.

Scholarship / Australia Awards Scholarship Supporting Statement (International Business) [3]

The essay uses too many words to describe what you want to say. Compress the professional situation in your presentation. You don't have to enumerate every Tom, Dick, and Harry that you spoke to. That is of no importance to the reviewer. It just takes up precious character count. Those dealers you spoke to in the parenthesis can be removed without affecting the overall presentation of that paragraph. Additionally, you don't have to signify that you have been working 2 1/2 years. That will be automatically seen by the reviewer in your additional documentation. Again, it's a waste of character count. In fact, a professional writing editor can write this essay for you in 3 properly developed paragraphs, very well under the word count maximum. Why does it need 3 paragraphs?

Par. 1 - Introduction to the topic / backgrounder / basic motivation for course choice
Par. 2 - Why The University of Melbourne?
Par. 3 - Why the University of Sydney?

That is how the essay should be formatted. Each university must be discussed on its own educational merits based on what attracted you to the course and your academic goals that the university addresses. The university choices cannot be based on the same criteria. You need to individualize your university choices to show that you actually took the time to consider all aspects of the course curriculum, university technical training, and its applicability to your line of work within your country.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - Do the advantages of increased tourism outweigh its disadvantages? [5]

You are supposed to be writing an analytical and quick response to a given discussion point. You are not writing a short novel. This is not a creative writing exercise, this is an academic paper. Wordy essays such as these do not have a place in IELTS writing tasks. You have written a total of 358 words. An unrealistic number to complete within a 40 minute task that requires you to:

- Outline the topics for discussion
- Write a draft version of the essay
- Double check for content clarity
-Double check for vocabulary and grammar errors
- Correct the errors
- Finalize the content

All before the 40 minutes allotted for the task runs out. Ideally, you should be writing between 275-290 words only due to the other tasks involved in getting a high score for your Task 2 essay. The way you wrote indicates that it was written with more than the actual time allotment consideration. You did not time yourself.

Being an academic essay, I caution you against getting too creative in your presentation. Never pose questions in the prompt restatement section. Always offer direct paraphrases of the given discussion. You should avoid posing questions because you may accidentally change the slant of the discussion. If you change the slant of the discussion without realizing it, you will end up altering the prompt statement and topic for discussion. A straightforward rephrasing is always more appropriate in this instance.

The essay is not going to delve into the pros and cons of tourism. You must state your opinion at the beginning of the essay, within the prompt paraphrase. Do you believe it is an advantage or a disadvantage? If so, why? Discuss the why's in 2 different topic reasoning paragraphs. You do not have to commence with a discussion, you do not have to list the discussion points numerically. Use topic sentences that this help direct the reader towards the actual discussion points of the paragraph instead. Avoid using word fillers just to fill the word count. That is how you run out of editing time. Word fillers never helped anybody pass this test. Believe me, I know. My students who did not listen to me learned that the hard way.

Limit yourself to 5 sentences per paragraph. Hence, the one topic sentence per paragraph suggestion above. The Task 2 essay scores best when it contains:
- Only 1 discussion topic per paragraph
- A proper reasoning explanation sentence
- An example sentence
- A supporting reason for the sample
- A transition sentence into the next topic paragraph.

The above format helps with the clarity and coherence of your discussion. The examiner is looking for well developed reasoning paragraphs not just a bunch of reasons thrown into the essay without proper explanation development, of which your essay is extremely guilty of.

Note that because you just kept on writing and did not spellcheck or grammar check yourself, you ended up with several score lowering mistakes in the essay:

- Improper use of hyphenation (Highly developed is 2 words not one word.)
- Contractions (let's = Let us)
- elementary English words usage (more and more = increased, As a matter of fact = In fact)
- Improper use of jargon (paradigm shift = change in basic assumptions)

There are other errors in the essay that need to be pointed out and corrected but I might be here all day if I do that. Just take note of these basic changes and most score affecting mistakes on your part. I hope to see improvements with your upcoming essays.

Writing Feedback / [Task 2 IELTS] Communication between employers and workers is the most important factor [3]

When writing comparison with personal opinion essays, the exam taker must take note of the way the opinions are presented in the original discussion. These always make reference to the public point of view. As such, when the discussion instructs the exam taker to "discuss both points of view and give a personal opinion", the points of view referred to are the public points of view and as such, need to referred to in the public POV manner in the 2 separate discussion paragraphs in the body of paragraphs, prior to the discussion of a personal opinion.

A personal opinion cannot be used to discuss both points of view in the discussion as the reference point in the original discussion is "public". For reference, the following keywords indicate the public point of view discussion paragraphs:

some people think ...
Other people say...

Some, and other refer to the public points of view and as such, references to the public opinion must be made in the essay. Otherwise, it just becomes an overall personal point of view essay, which means the response is only partially correct and will be scored as such. Don't get me wrong, the essay has well developed discussion reasons, although with somewhat imperfect grammar. The only problem, was the lack of proper reference points in the discussion, as indicated above. If you will just learn to refer to the public POV before you write your personal opinion, the essay will be even better.

The discussion points are well developed, exemplified, and supported in the discussion. So you did those things well and will receive good marks for it. What will lower the points, is the lack of clarity as to who is discussing what in the paragraph. Considering the presentation format you used, it does appear to be a personal opinion all around. Hence the points deductions.

The conclusion needs a closing sentence. Otherwise, it is a good summary presentation of the overall discussion.

Graduate / Some people think that strict punishment for driving offences are the key to reduce traffic accident [2]

You forgot to count the discussion topics before you wrote the prompt restatement. This is a comparison of points of view prior to personal opinion essay. This is not solely a personal opinion presentation. Therefore, your prompt restatement, in relation to the TA score will reflect that your response is only partially correct. What with the 3 reasoning paragraph becoming only 2 personal points of view presentations, the reviewer will immediately spot that you either did not understand the discussion instructions or, you totally disregarded the instructions as provided. Either way, your TA score will be the lowest possible based on this response error.

The discussion should have taken on the following format in the reasoning paragraphs:
- Severe punishment for offenses
- alternative punishments
- personal opinion based on the aforementioned discussions

The first 2 paragraphs in the reasoning section should have used public reference words such as groups, people, advocates, supporters, detractors, oppositionists, and other words that indicate a reference to an alternate point of view in the paragraphs would have helped clarify the discussion. Based on what I have read, you did not develop either discussion side properly because you tried to compress an illogical opinion for the two points of view into one paragraph. There is a reason each side has one paragraph each allotted. You must clearly explain the point of view using personal knowledge, examples from your knowledge or experience, and personal reasons or observations. None of which were accurately represented in the discussion paragraphs.

These are the very same reasons why your concluding summary is in error as well. You need to rephrase the discussion paragraphs in that presentation. Summarize the discussion topic (again, different from the opening paraphrase), public points of view, your opinion, and a proposed solution or solution that you support at the end of the paragraph to close the essay.

Writing Feedback / Personal Vision of an Ideal Company [3]

The writing is indeed amateurish. The scope of presentation is limited to only type of company when there are several company types in existence. Yes, your teacher was right to include entrepreneurship to the list. Any business, even a mom and pop store, is a form of company. So when you focused only on the large corporations, you limited the discussion and scope of presentation for your paper.

I do not believe that your teacher was asking you focus only on the demands of a company. What he was actually asking you to write about are the types of companies, and how these different types function. What does each type of company represent? How does it perform in that specific field? What it is composed of? What are the duties of such a company to its clients and stake holders? How does one company type differ from the other? Those are the research questions that he hoped you would have represented in your research.

The discussion itself is shallow in the sense that you did not go full throttle into the discussion development of company types. You focused only on the known aspects of company development and function when there are several other considerations to discuss, depending on the type of company. It would have been better if you had your teacher check your draft before you submitted the research paper. That way, you would have known how to adjust the paper before the teacher had to grade it.

Writing Feedback / My poor diet - need help with grammar and sentences! [2]

Was the instruction for this exercise to have you write a statement only? The reason I ask is because the topic you were given could have very well been extended to a 3-5 paragraph essay instead of this compressed and under developed statement. You have several topic sentences included, but none of these are properly developed to explain your eating habit. Neither do you clearly explain why you have this eating habit and why you are comfortable with it. Anyway, if you were just asked to write a statement, then this is sufficient. There are however, several errors that need to be pointed out.

I will assume that you studying English to as a part of your IELTS preparation. In which case, you need to be conscious of the difference in spelling when it comes to American and British variations of certain words (flavor = flavour, favorite = favourite). Being conscious of these spelling differences could really mean the difference between an impressive and an average LR score in the future.

While you are learning to write in academic British English, or even American English for that matter, you need to avoid writing in contractions (I'm = I am, I've = I have, don't = do not, It's = It is, can't = cannot). Academic writing requires a higher sense of writing formality that contractions do not offer. Contractions are used in informal writing and creative writing tasks. It is never found in an academically slanted paper / writing style.

Your writing requires that you use an Oxford comma when writing a series of related items, before coming to its end (flavor , sauce, fruits , and vegetables). Just remember, use the Oxford comma after the word "and" in a series of connected word representations.

Scholarship / APPLYING FOR A SCHOLARSHIP - GOI-IES - my educational career [3]

This is a 3 part essay application. You forgot to include the prompt you are responding to for reference. Without it, I am unsure as to how to review this essay but, I'll do my best.

It appears that your essay isn't really responding to a prompt. It is just delivering standard information about your course and your general aspirations. There is no reference as to how you plan to progress as a student during your time in Ireland. Do you have a social interest in studying under the Irish system of education? If so, what? The application essays have a part that asks how you will promote the scholarship program while attending school and upon your return to Nigeria, I do not see a clear reference to the within Nigeria promotion of the program. You may want to make a more solid promotional plan for that part.

I believe that these are the aspects of the essay that need work in the 2nd version. It should be better written and, I am guessing , prompt responsive when you do that.

Graduate / Seeking advice for a statement of purpose needed to apply for a master in robotics at EPFL. [2]

The first question I have is, why are you applying for admission to a master's course without first having completed your undergraduate course? Is this a master's course that does not require the minimum 2 years work experience? If so, that will explain why you are not yet focused on your career strategy. More specifically, you lack a detailed explanation regarding how this master's course will help enhance your practical and theoretical skills on the job. It is the uneven focus of the discussion, specifically the lack of professional expertise that makes the essay weak.

While being ateam member is a good qualification, it is not an excellent professional qualification. Other applicants will focus equally on their academic background, professional requirements, and a 5 year career plan. The essay is delivering only the academic aspect of the discussion.

You can remedy that situation by discussing apprenticeships and internships which could have influenced you to create a 5 year career plan. Start from the point of graduation as an undergrad, discussing how you will complete the masters course based on semi professional exposure as an intern or apprentice, which will then lead to an aggressive 5 year career advancement after.

Based on my observations, it would be better for you to write a new essay that tries to deliver on all required points instead. Honestly, this sounds more like a college application essay than a masters course application essay.

Writing Feedback / Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results [2]

It is unfortunate that your body of paragraphs, as well as your prompt restatement does not follow the required format for the response. Always count the discussion instructions. Those indicate how many paragraphs you have to write in the actual essay. If it asks "Do you agree or disagree?" or "To what extent do you agree or disagree?", then you should write 4 paragraphs (1 introduction, 2 reasoning, 1 concluding summary). When the essay instructs you to "discuss both points of view and give your own opinion", that means you should write a total of 5 paragraphs (1 introduction, 3 reasoning, 1 concluding summary). The proper format of the essay response counts towards your TA scoring considerations as well as the C&C and GRA scores.

Each reason should have only 1 topic sentence. You included 2 topic statements in your 2nd paragraph. That created an under developed reasoning presentation. Which is another problem when it comes to the C&C scoring. When the paragraphs have more than 1 topic per paragraph, you do not fully explain the first topic. In the 5 paragraph essay, you need to do the following in separate paragraphs:

- 1 topic sentence / reason on the agree side based on public opinion
- 1 topic sentence / reason on the disagree side based on public opinion
- 1 opinion explanation that supports one of the two discussions

Your opinion should not be a part of the introduction paraphrase. You should not have an opinion presented as yet since you have not analyzed the two public opinions. You need to show a sense of analysis in this essay since you are asked to first present an explanation of the 2 public responses to the prompt and then, base your decision to support one side on that public opinion. In this essay, there was no differentiation between the public and private opinion. So it appears to be only a personal opinion presentation. That is why it will be considered only partially responsive to the task.

The concluding paragraph is weak because you forgot to restate what the two public points of view are before you presented your personal opinion. Remember, every paragraph needs at least 3 sentences to be able to properly represent a clear paraphrase or explanation.

Word choice errors exist:
addiction = addition

You forgot to use a comma after a conjunction:
- identified , and...

phrase presentation mistakes:
they will be received people's encourage - the will receive people's encouragement

There are other errors in the essay but I would like to refrain from correcting those since your formatting errors are more important to correct at this time.

Scholarship / THE BOY IS GOOD AT ALL - Essay scholarship for a 10-grade student. [2]

Never hashtag your academic essays. You are not writing an Instagram description nor are you Tweeting a message. You are to write an academic essay without any useless hashtags. The reviewers could care less about the hashtags you use. It does not help define you. It does not help move the essay forward. It does not serve a purpose. It was never included in the prompt requirements, so there is no need for you to use it in this academic paper.

I am really unsure as to what two questions you are trying to respond to in this essay. Your rephrasing of the two prompt statements left only one of them clear. The second one about why you would make a good candidate for the Canadian college. I wish you had included the original prompts with your post. It would have helped direct my review of your work.

As of now, what I can tell you is that the content you have presented is confusing. I am not sure if it is because of the improper grammar or, maybe it is just because I am unsure of the relevance of the information you are presenting to the first prompt requirement. Reviewing the essay further has convinced me that you need professional editing help for this essay. Just so you can be sure that your essay is understandable to the reviewer.

Now, you do have unique qualifications that might be considered assets when reviewed with your application. However, the presentation is problematic. You use creative writing in the essay but do not achieve the imaginative presentation of who you are that you hoped to convey to the reviewer. If you had simply responded directly to the essay prompt, without trying to wax poetic about who you are, the essay would have been more useful towards your application.

Scholarship / Essay scholarship - Government of Ireland - International Education Scholarships [2]

The first 2 paragraphs of the essay are not necessary for the presentation. Neither does it improve the presentation to have you counting out the ways you wish to engage in different activities in Ireland. The reviewer is not interested in reading your word count fillers. The shorter your essay, the more appreciated it will be. You should just go direct to the point in every paragraph. Start with the topic sentence and continue with the explanations in every paragraph. Use more transition sentences to create a cleaner read and flow of the discussion paragraphs.

Your ideas are good. Aside from some required professional editing to clean up the grammar errors, you sound like a candidate with some solid experience that can help you become an excellent candidate for the scholarship. The only problem, is that your presentation is not always grammatically correct, which could lead to some minimal confusion on the part of the reader. Not to worry though, the reader will still be able to make out what you are trying to explain in the paragraph. Your word choices were good enough, but sometimes, falling on the word filler side.

In the paragraph referring to Vietnamese scholars, you must make sure to indicate that these are scholars in Vietnam whom you will entice to cooperate with your GOI alumni group (if there is one) to collaborate on various projects that will promote scholarship networking in Vietnam. The last sentence in the presentation is not necessary. You should remove that. It sounds like you are begging for the scholarship. Let the essay close on the networking idea instead. That gives it a stronger concluding impact.

Writing Feedback / DISCUSSION ESSAYS: Horizontal city vs vertical city [2]

This is a comparative essay discussion. The body of paragraphs should have been composed of 3 representations, in no particular order:
- Public support for vertical living
- Public support for horizontal living
- Your point of view

You only have 2 discussion paragraphs in this essay. The prompt discussion instructions always indicate how many paragraphs must be written for the reasoning portion. You were instructed to discuss both points of view individually, before presenting your opinion. Never take a short cut in your reasoning paragraphs. You need to follow the indicated number of discussion topics. So, you are short by 1 paragraph because you decided to compress your horizontal and vertical considerations in one paragraph. That means, you will lose points for improper formatting.

Additionally, there will be lost points consideration with regards to the coherence and cohesiveness of your presentation. Without the 3 paragraph representation, the discussion feels rushed and under developed. You do not qualify these paragraphs as completely informative nor properly connected with one another. So points will be lost for GRA as well as C&C presentations.

By the way, do not present an opinion in the prompt paraphrase. As a rule, you should not have an opinion presented when you have completed the comparison paragraphs yet. You should simply indicate that your opinion will be based on what you believe to be the stronger discussion representation.

You should have done a better job with regards to the opening and closing paraphrases. You need at least one more sentence to complete the paragraph minimum of 3 sentences. Never compress the discussion. Always do it between 3-5 sentences for maximum GRA scoring points.

Writing Feedback / Politicians or individuals? Essay about the environment protection responsibility [3]

Your prompt paraphrase is not changed enough from the original prompt to qualify as a new rendition of the original discussion presentation. Additionally, you used a memorized sentence in the response to the direct question. You should not say that you will outline your reasons in the essay. That is the memorized part. Try to figure out an original way of saying that. Something like: There are several factors that have influenced my decision to disagree with this statement.

Never do a comparison discussion when you are asked to take a stance in the response. Always use 2 strong reasons to depict the reasons why the original discussion is in error. You could actually use the reasoning sentences from the original prompt, write it as the topic sentence for the paragraph, then explain why that line of reasoning is wrong.

Using the 2 given topics for discussion in the essay (government responsibility, individual responsibility), you should be able to write 2 reasoning paragraphs that support your stance. By the way, the original paraphrase needs at least 1 more sentence to qualify as a complete paragraph. Your concluding paragraph has the same problem. It is not qualified as a complete paragraph and does not represent the restated discussion requirements that create the concluding paragraph.

Overall, the presentation could have been better. Next time, pick one side to defend, think of the defensive reasons, and discuss those reasons in the body of paragraphs.

Writing Feedback / Optimistic people who have more opportunities to make positive changes to the world [2]

The first 2 sentences in your prompt paraphrase are really difficult to understand. It isn't a very good re-framing of the original discussion. You need to work on the clarity of your sentence presentations. The subject of the sentence is really unclear. I can't even figure out what the cause-effect reference actually is. Good work on the direct response to the question though. Although, you forgot to tell the reader what changes you would like to see in the new century.

The prompt paraphrase servers as the outline of the discussion paragraphs. It is a guide for the reader to follow and refer to when reading your body of paragraphs. Your explanations should be clear and the discussion pattern will presented for the reader's consideration. At the moment, that paragraph is difficult to understand and incomplete in its response presentation.

Try your best not to use overstatement references in your essay. Examiners would rather not read those types of misleading references in the essays. Instead of "intense debates" which connotes something negative, while the discussion is more on a positive note, you should consider more positive references such as "hopeful discussions" or "optimistic outlooks" or something similar. Nothing inflammatory.

Your reasoning paragraphs, though 3 in count, do not cover the correct the discussion topics based on the original prompt requirements. These discussion topics are:
- An explanation of your opinion (extent of dis/agreement)
- 21st century change 1
- 21st century change 2

The total will be 3 discussion body presentations for a total of 5 paragraphs. Your essay doesn't really follow the required format for the discussion so you will have points reduced in the TA score for that. You have one spelling error (nervios = nervous), word choice problems (heath - health), and subject-verb problems (most people is - most people are; based on singular - plural references). You also use contractions (let's - let us), which should be avoided in these academic presentation papers.

There are other grammar errors in your essay but these are the more noticeable ones that I want to deal with. Please take note and adjust your writing style based on the suggestions in the next essay.

By the way, you wrote more words than you would actually write within 40 minutes at the testing center. Aim for only 275-290 words that present a clear explanation in every sentence and paragraph. Right now, your essay, though very long, has a problem with clarity and conciseness, which will lead to extra scoring deductions in your final score.

Writing Feedback / Whether talents are of genetic origin or we can be taught to own that talent! [2]

Your discussion approach to the essay is incorrect. The format of your response is based on a measured extent essay. However, the original prompt is based on a compare/contrast/personal opinion format for discussion. Therefore, the TA score will find deductions made due to errors in response formatting. To be clear:

OP: It's generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for music and sport, and others are not. However, it's sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.Discuss both ideas by giving your opinion.Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

YP: From my perspective, I partly agree with both of these views.

Once you change your response to the original discussion instruction, the TA score will automatically be affected and, since this section is the highest scoring consideration for your work, a mistake here could mean a failure in the final score. This was not an agree or disagree essay. This is an explanatory personal opinion discussion of both topics.

The idea was to respond in the following manner:

Both suggestions carry a sense of truth. My opinion based explanation of these topics should help to further clarify this discussion.

When using popular examples. Go for less regional and more international references. For example, you could have used the same explanation based on Justin Bieber. Same history, same skills, just a more well known personality used in the presentation. This will show that you are abreast of current events and popular culture references / information. By the way, when showing ownership, use an apostrophe s ('s) instead of an apostrophe at the end of a word.

Your concluding sentences are good, yet these lack the prompt restatement and reasons for the discussion. Those should have been the first 2 sentences of your concluding paragraph, closing with the current presentation that you have.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 1- <table>the number of employees and factories producing silk in England and Wales [3]

Your trending statement does not completely represent a complete trending observation. You should have also provided the numerical data from the chart that led you to that observation. Remember, a trending statement indicates the upward and downward trend in a presentation. So you have to present the downward measurement along with the upward measurement in the trend. That means you cannot just say there is a downward tendency and a measurement that goes up significantly. Present the facts. This is a data report after all.

@THC1310vn - Do not post images for the students. That is their job. You might upload the wrong image in the process and deliver the wrong advice to the students. If they do not provide the image, you do not post it for them. Is that understood? Do I make myself clear? Do you really want to risk an account suspension? Do not disregard forum rules! You have been warned privately and now, you have forced me to warn you publicly. Do not post an image for a student again! Understood? If not, you know what comes next.

Writing Feedback / Chart - the percentage of owned and rented accommodations in two regions [2]

You first two paragraphs could use some adjustment in presentation. The clarity and coherence of your information report comes from the way that you are able to separate the information into individual sentences. Do not use run-on presentations, separated only by a comma. Make an effort to write true complex sentences using a period to separate the information presentation. It is important that you learn to present proper complex sentences that join 2 related ideas into one sentence. So for paragraph 1 the combined sentences should be:

- Chart type and measurement type
- Reference to type of data (renter and homeowner) plus their location
- Trending observations

For paragraph 2, you should be using periods to represent adjoining information before moving on to the next bit of information. The same goes for paragraph 3. Basically, the information is all there, it is just the format that became problematic. The presentation format that you chose would have affected your GRA and TA score. It really appears to me that your presentation is mechanical in nature. It doesn't even try to expand on the discussion. It just hits the reader with the information, nothing more. You need to try and provide a proper reference point for your LR, C&C scores as well. So use the correct format for your paragraph presentations. That is the only way to increase your scores in those sections.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Physical strength and mental strength. Which is more important for success in sports? [2]

It would be unjust of me to review this essay for information, format, and quality of discussion when it is definitely under the required minimum word count. You will be losing points for the number of lacking words (3) which signifies that this is an incomplete and under developed discussion presentation. Based on the prompt discussion instruction alone, I can already tell that this should have been a 5 paragraph essay. However, you only presented 4 paragraphs because you did not use the public point of view discussion method for the 2 public opinion paragraphs before presenting your personal opinion. The essay converted from a compare, contrast, and opinion essay to simply, a personal opinion presentation of the 2 discussion points.

Your prompt paraphrase and conclusion are incomplete. There is no proper restatement of the prompt in both instances. For the opening paraphrase, you neglected to present the two public opinions. Also, you were in error when you decided that you could have an immediate opinion, without first considering the 2 differing points of view. The opening paraphrase never requires a solid opinion from the writer. Just a restatement of the discussion instruction.

Then, the concluding summary, as you can tell from the title of that paragraph, requires you to restate the prompt, the 2 POVs, and your personal opinion once again in order to remind the reader about the discussion points prior to closing the essay with a simple sentence.

I will avoid judging your work for now. I want to be fair and give you a chance to write a proper essay that meets all of the requirements and format for the presentation before I recommend points for improvement. I will also point out any other errors your paper may have at that point. As of now, I want to give you a chance to show me that you can write a proper Task 2 essay.

Writing Feedback / Children and Tech - New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time [2]

Your essay should not open with a direct quote from a source. You must properly build up your thesis argument, avoiding the quotation as it is not required until the succeeding paragraphs. The first paragraph is just all about establishing the discussion points and discussion outline for the reference of the reader. In addition to that, you should also avoid closing a paragraph with a quotation. That leaves the paragraph hanging. Try to give a personal explanation or a personal opinion based on the preceding quote instead. That way the paragraph transitions more smoothly into the next paragraph. Use the last few lines to introduce the next discussion topic in relation to the current topic of the existing paragraph.

By the way, if you still plan on writing another paragraph in the essay, don't kick off the previous paragraph with "Finally". The word indicates the end of the discussion. A wrap up of the given information, a conclusion. If you are still intending to discuss another topic, then use a topic sentence to start the paragraph instead. Only when you are absolutely sure that your overall information presentation and discussion has come to an end should you use words that connote the end of the presentation.

Writing Feedback / Writting essay about why action speak louder than words [2]

None of your examples illustrate or explain the meaning of the quotation through action. The first example, was about trust issues and how it cannot be repaired when it is broken. The second example, is more attuned to the question, but still not totally related when you consider how you presented the discussion. Here is an example of how that particular quote is best exemplified.

There is a man who is in love with a woman. However, he cannot tell her his feelings because he gets tongue tied when he is in front of her. So, rather than telling her his feelings. he buys her flowers, gives her gifts, accompanies her home at the end of their work day, and just treats her in a special way. That is his way of telling her he loves her. She noticed his actions and asked him if these movements meant he loved her. He said yes. = Actions speak louder than words.

The above is an example of how "actions speak louder than words." so your examples and explanations are invalid when you consider the underlying meaning and examples that actually relate to the quotation.

Writing Feedback / Playing video games - the happiest moment of my life [2]

You need to change the verb form in your first sentence from "... when I playing the computer game..." to "when I am playing the computer game. " Use a semicolong for the part that states , "when I was a child; " Other errors include:

but the game makes me happy to let me can't forget that period = ...... that I cannot forget that...
or another fighting games = another fighting game then a period. This is a run on sentence presentation that should be corrected.

Okay, I cannot correct your essay line by line. It would take forever to correct all your errors. So let me just indicate what skills you need to focus on improving. You are constantly using contractions in the essay. This is practice you have to avoid because this is not allowed in academic writing and, when you take the English test for foreign students, you will lose points in the GRA section of you constantly use contractions in your presentation. You better start practicing how to do academic writing this early so it can become second nature to you when the time comes.

Next, avoid run on sentences. Almost all your sentences are run-on sentences. Practice writing simple and complex sentences instead. Do not mistake long sentences for complex sentence. These are a not complex sentences. A complex sentence has an independent and dependent clause in its presentation.

Writing Feedback / WRITING TASK 2 ONLINE SHOPPING (damage effect) [2]

This essay will be deemed only partially responsive to the task. That is because this 4 paragraph essay is missing the loss of job discussion paragraph. The format is:

- Paraphrase
- Environmental impact
- Loss of jobs
- Concluding summary

Your essay focused only the environmental aspect. You only mentioned the loss of jobs, without a discussion in the concluding part, which, by the way, doesn't follow the proper format for a concluding paragraph. So, without the concluding paragraph, the essay will be deemed to be open ended, which means you will lose considerable points due to 2 avoidable errors in the discussion presentation.

Try to use topic sentences to kick off your paragraphs. Your presentations tend to be very long winded and almost senseless because you spend all the time introducing the topic instead of discussing the topic sentence reasons in the paragraph. Don't focus on just the vocabulary and word count, focus on the quality of the content and clarity of your explanation instead. One topic sentence = 4 justification sentences. That means a total of 5 related sentences in every paragraph.

Writing Feedback / Writing exercise : a prompt about reading. [4]

You have connecting word issues in the essay. For example, you should say "I AM absolutely a book person." Also, you have a noun phrase problem in the series "... book, articles, short stories, or web pages..." All the references in the series are singular, then you suddenly went plural with "web pages", thus causing a noun phrase problem. Keep everything uniform. If you start with the plural form, end with the plural form. If you start with singular forms, end as such. So it is "web page", not "web pages". Use more punctuation marks in your writing. in the section, "I read, I AM specially keen on..." you should be using a semicolon instead of a comma after the word "read". Please remember to use the word "AM after "I". You keep forgetting that connecting word.

When you were asked, "How often do you read?" I understand that you were trying to be creative in your response but, what you wrote was essentially a non-response to the question. The reader has absolutely no idea how often you sip water from your cup. So give direct answers to questions. Question = direct response. So, how often do you read? Several times a day? Once a day? At bedtime? While having meals? Indicate a response that can have the reader assume a numerical response.

Let's put it this way, the grammar isn't perfect, there are some mistakes in response presentations, but overall, this is not a bad English grammar exercise. Most of the essay is understandable except for the part I pointed out above. Not a bad try. I can see your potential for improvement in terms of grammatical accuracy. I hope to see such changes in your next practice response essay.

Scholarship / Hospital - AAS Supporting statement for applications. [3]

Well, as this all happened in a hospital setting, I guess the problem indicated is acceptable. However, there isn't enough explanation to indicate that you truly had a direct hand in developing the solution to the problem. There is a sentence that leaves the reader wondering about some missing aspects in your narration. The sentence " Upon observing such actions I informed my supervisor for immediate consideration." makes it appear that you had made suggestions to resolve the issue prior. However, you did not really do that. There was no sentence that indicated that you thought of a solution then presented the problem, the solution, and comments, to your supervisor. Only then can you use the term "immediate consideration".

You have some time frame reference problems in the essay. Since these are all past events, always use the past tense references in the sentences. Never mix present and past references, it becomes confusing for the reader to keep track of. Overall, the essay just requires a little editing and some clarification for it to become usable. It actually responds to the prompt in a good manner.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2, effect of social networking sites [3]

Where is your response to the question:

To what extent do you agree?

The response to this question should have been the last sentence in your prompt paraphrase. What I do read in your prompt paraphrase is that you changed the discussion of the essay. You went from an extent of agreement of disagreement to a reference to:

I believe that consuming too much social media will bring psychological damage to the human behavior, but for limited interaction, Facebook and other social networking sites will increase relationship between individual. That is not the topic being discussed in the essay.

You were being asked to discuss the essay based on a measured agreement or disagreement of the given statement. You decided to discuss damage to human behavior instead. So the reviewer will see this prompt deviation and consider the essay response totally unrelated to the task. Which means, the TA section of this essay will automatically receive a score of 1. Thus ending your quest to achieve a 5 minimum band score. I won't even have to review the other errors as presented in your essay because, those deductions will further lower your score to the point where you really can't go above the 1 band score consideration.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK2: The imprisonment should be longer for offenders with terrible crimes [2]

Your restated prompt approach is incorrect. The proper presentation requires that you inform the reader of the two points of view and instructions for the discussion. To illustrate:

There is a discussion regarding the topic of how to lower the felonies being committed by the public. Certain advocates promote the thought that a lengthier stay in the penitentiary will help solve the problem. However, there are people who oppose this ideology because they believe that substitute punishment methods would have better results. I believe that both suggestions have certain merits that need to be considered. Based on these merits, I will be able to create a supporting opinion for one of the two suggested action methods.

You have to always restate the prompt topic, discussion points, and discussion instructions in every introduction. Do this using no less than 3 but no more than 5 sentences to get the maximum TA score for your work.

This is a 5 paragraph essay based on the following paragraph format:
- Paraphrase
- POV 1
- POV 2
- Personal opinion
- Summary of discussion / Conclusion

You failed to use words that connote the public point of view per idea prior to your personal opinion being presented. Therefore, the essay changed from a comparative with opinion discussion to a personal point of view discussion. This will result in points deductions for the discussion areas not properly represented in your essay. Your concluding paragraph does not follow the above mentioned format for restating the discussion points towards the end of the essay. So you will not get a very high score for this essay. There are too many discussion elements missing for it to get maximum scoring consideration based on the 4 scoring criteria.

Writing Feedback / Ielts a Film review - Aquaman [2]

IELTS does not do film review essays. The exam takers will not necessarily have all seen the movie prior to the test so the IELTS team limits its exam questions to listening or visual tests based on short TED talks, news paper reports or opinions, and other similar conferences and seminars. You made a mistake with your choice of review format. Next time, listen to a TED talk instead. That type of test will be for IELTS Task 1. I cannot score you on a test that does not have a proper set of instructions based on an actual IELTS test setting. I will however, correct some grammar mistakes in your work.

Remember, use proper Task 1 and Task 2 prompts for your review. Don't make your own topics up. That is not the proper way to review because you do not know how to format the questions for such tests. You will not learn anything if you do not follow the proper way of writing essay practice tests.

The main problem with your sentences will be in the faulty grammar range and sentence structures. It would be in your best interest to begin writing English sentences, without any essay prompts for now. Just do sentence structure and grammar range exercises for the time being. Unless you learn to properly format these sentences and use the proper vocabulary for the sentences, you will end up losing major points in the GRA, LR, and C&C sections.

An IELTS test is never a narrative of a movie. It is always an analysis of data, a letter, a listening summary, an opinion paper, or an assessment presentation, to name but a few types of IELTS tests. It will never be a movie review.

Writing Feedback / Many tourists today fly straight to their holiday resort and almost never leave it. [2]

Since this is your first essay for the Task 2 portion of the IELTS test, I will assume that you do not know that there is a 40 minute time limit for completing this task. As such, you cannot write 400 plus words for this given prompt. You should be writing only between 250-290 words or. About 15-20 sentences for the 4 paragraph structured essay, no more than 25 sentences for the 5 paragraph structure. That means, you write no more than 5 sentences per paragraph.

You over-analyzed the topic for this discussion instead of following the normal format as provided for this test. To be clear, the format is:

Introduction
- Prompt rephrasing of the discussion topic
- Reasons for the discussion ( sometimes requires 2 sentences)
- Your direct response to the prompt without offering specific opinions yet.

The Reasoning / body of paragraphs are composed of 2-3 paragraphs depending on the discussion requirement. The standard format is:
- Topic sentence
- Explanation 1
- Example
- Explanation 2
- Transition Sentence

The concluding paragraph is composed of:
- A new restatement of the discussion topic
- A compressed discussion of reasons
- A restatement of your opinion
- Closing sentence or restatement of proposed solutions

This essay is good, but does not follow the proper format and discussion guidelines. You would have run out of time in the actual test setting. Try to work with a timer next time. For now, I will not review this for content or mistakes since it did not follow the instructions and, it is your first time writing such an essay. I'll give you a pass this time. I hope to see another essay from you that follows the protocols for writing so I can give you a proper review of your work.

Writing Feedback / Task 2: Increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles to solve environmental problems. [4]

It would appear that your word count, though definitely far over the minimum count, ended up being too many words for the 40 minute time allowance. You have to make sure that you use a timer when you write these practice exercises. That way, you won't need to watch the clock at the testing center, you know exactly how many words you can write when you allot the time properly for brainstorming, drafting, reviewing, correcting, and finalizing the content. Yes, all those steps need to be completed within 40 minutes. You definitely won't have enough time to write 310 words in that instance. Maybe 270 or 290 words, 300 as a absolute maximum depending upon your English comprehension skills and writing abilities, but no more than that.

Now focusing on your essay, I have to say that you will not get a passing TA score for this test for one reason alone, you failed to properly address the prompt. The Original discussion prompt indicates:

Some people think that one of the best ways to solve environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

You changed it to:

People think that the government should increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles to solve environmental problems. Give your opinion.

In this instance, you made it clear that you altered the prompt and in effect, did not discuss the topic based on the discussion plan provided by the original prompt. Severe deductions will be made because of this in the TA score which will definitely lead to a less than 5 band score on your final assessment. You ended up arguing, a term that examiners frown upon when you were simply asked to discuss. There is a big difference between the two approaches to the opinion presentation of the problem. Not to mention, you gave a response that was not related to the original discussion. So this will definitely pull down your score to a point where even if you scored better in the other aspects of the test, it still won't be enough to reach the 5 band score at a minimum.

While your reasons may be scored in relation to the original prompt discussion, the failure to clearly respond to the task shows your inability to understand an English set of discussion instructions. That means, the examiner will view you as lacking in English education and comprehension skills to qualify to study in the UK, Australia, or Canada to name but a few countries that accept IELTS test results for foreign students.