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Posts by fikri
Name: umar fikri
Joined: Jan 17, 2014
Last Post: Sep 29, 2014
Threads: 5
Posts: 310  
From: Indonesia
School: Kampung Inggris

Displayed posts: 315 / page 5 of 8
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fikri   
May 3, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Global warming - 'we should keep our environment' [5]

give space between third and fourth paragraph

Global warming is one of events that is caused process surrounding.

They just search much money, but they do not care influence toward environment them

this sentence is confusing, could you make it clear?
fikri   
May 1, 2014
Writing Feedback / Ielts: most popular sports - the pie chart [9]

where is the chart?
when you post writing task 1, you should put the picture as well, (attach file)
this is the rule in essayforum
fikri   
May 1, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: To solve traffic problems, governments should tax private car [5]

Nowadays, government believes when tax of private car owners increase so it can solve about traffic problems.

On the other hands , advantages of raising taxes are able to decrease car owners to use their cars. Because if they drive own car it will become more expensive than using public transportation.

where does it refer to? when you put 'on the other hand' in the beginning of the paragraph, it means that this paragraph is contrast to the paragraph before
fikri   
May 1, 2014
Writing Feedback / 'good to be realized for government' - The tax of private car owners [5]

Tax private car owner is one of the solutions for government to reduce traffic problems.

you put one followed by noun plural, it is contradict

to connect the second paragraph to the third, you can put 'however' or 'on the other hand' because these paragraphs have contrast explanation
fikri   
May 1, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS_News media is important in our society. [4]

At first, if news media disappears, the public cannot participate their political life actively because young people who are the future of a nation will lose the chance to hotly discuss and study current affairs and old people who have rich experience cannot offer precious advice.

this sentence is confusing, i cannot get your points
fikri   
May 1, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Government should be considered to budget more for preventing programs [3]

Helping people with health problems is not merely cured after the disease comes, but doing prevention step is stood as more beneficial.

after this sentence, it will seem more interesting if you add some supporting sentences in the next which support this sentence, so it will make the readers easier to understand your points
fikri   
Apr 30, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 : Computer ownership - From 2002 to 2010 [6]

please check all structures of your sentences here, you missed verb in most of your sentences

this is a big mistake because subject and verb is the most important point in a sentence,

you may re-write this report
fikri   
Apr 30, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS 1: Computer ownership among educated people [5]

In general, it can be seen from the graph thatthe percentage of computer ownership and level of education which have differentdifference every years.

The first graph, in 2002, computer ownership was approximately 55 percent, and increased slightly to almost 60 percent in 2004

With the result, computer ownership from year 2002 until to 2010 has undergone increasing step by step every year.

For example, no high school diploma has approximately 18%,

what does it mean?

To sum up, it can be concluded that computer ownership in years 2010 had percent higher higher percentage than in year 2002 until 2008

also, in the beginning of your 3rd and 4th paragraph, it will be better if you write according to the first/second graph,
fikri   
Apr 29, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Animals should not be exploited by people [6]

Some people are exploiting this animal, but other people said that animals should not be exploited by people because they think animals should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research

this sentence is too long, you should separate them as 2 sentences

This is for their satisfaction them .

fikri   
Apr 29, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 : Planning new supermarket in Pellington (by upinipin) [7]

In general, site A possible one location to build supermarket.

in general, site A is one possible location to build supermarket

overall, you have a good idea o write this report, but you made mistakes in your several sentences which do not have verb, so pay more attention to your structure
fikri   
Apr 29, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Proposed sites for a new hypermarket in the city of Pellington. [5]

The map shows three recommended locations for a new hypermarket (A, B and C) in Pellington Town.

It is near with industrial area and with a traffic-free zone and a park, then it near with a railway, also

when you put 'also' in the end of the sentence, you do not need to put comma before it

Interestingly, location of A is an area which ismore near closer with to Hampford than location of B and C

To summary, location in site A and site C are more well better to build new hypermarket than in site B.

fikri   
Apr 29, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Planning a new hypermarket (A, B and C) in the city of Pellington. [8]

Furthermore, in this hypermarket have not many people for buying something.

So, it makes this hypermarket bring some disadvantages.

However, this place is far distance from center of the city.

or you can write city centre

To sum up, the last (A) possible area is more recommended becauseit is place this place is located in center of the city where many people live and work

fikri   
Apr 29, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: paying taxes is enough contribution from citizens [8]

Another responsibility all citizens should take is to maintain social stability together with the police force.

Another responsibility, all citizens should take is to maintain social stability together with the police force

what does it mean?
fikri   
Apr 29, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: People attend collage or university especially for career preparation [9]

The knowledge weather it comes from science, literature, and art

this sentence is confusing, please re-write this sentence to make it clear

People attend college or university for reason

where is the verb?

you wrote your essay well, but the most important you missed some verbs in your several sentences, be careful,,it may reduce your score which you can get higher
fikri   
Apr 29, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Hydroelectric dam and turbine [5]

Hydroelectric dam was is used for power electricity

when u write task 1, and there is no year mentioned, you just need to use present simple tense

To take advantage of turbine in the river to produce the power for electricity

where is the verb?

overall, you should pay more attention to your punctuation using, it is an important part of writing ielts because it influences the readibility of your essay..
fikri   
Apr 28, 2014
Writing Feedback / Tim Hortons vs Starbucks // gr9 personal [4]

you should show where is the 1st, 2nd, 3rd and the next paragraph,
here, you didn't put a space between those paragraph, so, sometimes it makes some readers difficult to know where is the 1st, 2nd, and the next paragraph
fikri   
Apr 28, 2014
Writing Feedback / Water cycles - process showing how water evaporates, condenses and precipitates [7]

The diagram explains the water cycles.

this introduction is too short, you can say or write when the process start and finish in this introduction

Heating water by sunis cause (double verbs) water which is undergoing evaporation, and water vapor condenses to form clouds

Then water to undergo condensing water vapor

this sentence is confusing, I suggest you to read your grammar book and find the lesson about verb+to+verb 1
fikri   
Apr 28, 2014
Writing Feedback / The number of television sales annually from 1996 to 1999 [4]

The bar graph describes the fluctuation of the number of television sales among in 1996 and 1999

There was an increase significantly a significant increase in 1997 to 1998 started from 8 million going to 11 million units

However, reducing had happened in 1998 to 1999 by the difference of valuable sales was 1 million televisions.

this sentence is double verbs, you should put conjunction between those two verbs

where did you get this approach?introduction
body
overview
conclusion
in IELTS TASK 1 you can follow this approach
introduction
body
body
conclusion

or
introduction
overview
body
body

fikri   
Apr 28, 2014
Writing Feedback / The charts: reasons why adults decide to study / shared costs of adult education [4]

Overall, interest in subject is motivated striking number of adults to study, while the highest proportion of costs of each course is thought should have been paid by individual.

in IELTS task 1, you can put this sentence in another paragraph as an overview, so that you don't need to write a conclusion again in the last paragraph

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