Writing Feedback / Computers can help people save much time and money, but they are not flexible [3]

Hi Tuyet, below are my thoughts on your essay.

- In the modern world, the technology has developing more and moredeveloped rapidly .
- Thanks to technology, the life becomes easier.
- People can save mucha lot of time and money with
- the help of this advanced technology.
- As youwe know, technology gives
- humanpeople a lot of benefits.

- A number of jobs have beenare lost as a
- direct result of the advancedthis advancement in technology.
- Postmans, for example, are almost nonexistent at present.
- Nowadays , people prefer sending ...
- to usingthan the usual hand-written letters.
- People use the ATM machines to send or gettake money instead of a postman.
- Besides, when apps like Uber and Grab taxi are on a strong developmentwere developed ,
- help passengers self-selectingselect vehicles and places to go .
- For aA nother example, if you go to the libraries now,
- many new computers havehas been installed for helpingto help people
- instead of librarians like in the past .

There you have it Tuyet, I hope the above remarks help you in your revision and for future writing reference, mind your sentence construction as this will have an overall impact to your essay.

Writing Feedback / A bucket and pulley system [2]

Hi Linh, first of all, I would like to say that you are very fortunate in discovering this website, we have helped a lot of students and writers alike, we aim at providing you with remarks that will help you with your revision and more importantly, will help you discover different ways of writing and hone your writing abilities as well as your understanding in the English language.

Having said that, as I was going through your essay, I would like to ask, does this essay comes with a table or a graphic representation?, if it does, it will help reviewers if you can include this in your post. Anyhow,please find a few suggestions below;

- First, this animalthe buffalo or ox is linked withto the bucket bywith a rope.
- Finally, there is an irrigation channel where water is stored.

- The process begins when this animal walks
- downhill andwith the bucket risesrising from the wells.
- Water is poured slowly into the irrigation channels by a pulley.
- The animal isAnimals are stronger than humans,
- sotherefore, it can collect water from deep wells eassilyeasily .

- TheThis systems aware thatproves how natural materials
- and an animals can collecting water without the help of humans .

There you have Linh, I hope the above remarks help you in your revision and for future writing reference, make sure that your sentence construction is following the rules of the language.

Writing Feedback / One of the worst effects of tourism is environmental destruction [3]

Hi Ngo, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, please find a few suggestions below;

- Tourism ofin many countries is a main industry.
- theseSome countries receive large
- profit forto the economy and job for local people,

- havehas been cut down to build resort, ors and hotels,
- this will influence not only the health of the people but
- also their children ofthe future generation.

- Another disadvantage of tourism is the presence ifof large
- inon the streets and areas of beauty.
- it difficult any thing to do anything .
- will go on a holiday and find more
- havehas many benefits.
- However, people also need to think about protecting
- tourists locations, and reducing bad impacts of tourists behaviourtourism in the environment and its local people .

There you have it Ngo, I hope you will be able to follow through with the corrections made and should you need further assistance, we are here for you.

Letters / 'Good connection with others' - Write a letter of application to the tourism office [9]

Hi Sahar, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, we aim at providing you a little help on your writing projects and further develop your writing skills. Now, one thing that you have to take note when it comes to responding to a job post or anything that deserves formality and serious responsibility, you have to be yourself, be confident and be true to your intentions.

Having said that, please find a few suggestions below;

Dear Sir or Madam, ( don't forget your punctuation marks )

I saw your advertisment in local newspaperam writing in response to your job post in the local paper .
I'm really need this job because ...interested and ready to take on the challenge that the jobs entails .
I've like this kind of work since I was child. I grew up in this city, knowI will be a valuable asset to the company as I was born and lived in this city, I am knowledgeable and know the cityit very well and have (...) spots of it , sotherefore , I can explain it very well forto our tourists.

I know some languages sucham multilingual, I can speak persian,spanish,German and
I make connection very well with otherconnect well with people .
I have quitean experince aboutin this kind of work,
one day I saw tourists in sight (...) work as well as you want.I'm lookingI look forward to your reply.
Sincerely,
Sahar

There you have it Sahar, I hope this works for your revision.

Writing Feedback / People's reasons for using the car in city [4]

Hi Muhammad, before I go and review you essay, I have a question, if you were to choose, would you rather walk or use a car to go somewhere? I ask because, if I were to choose, I prefer to go for a walk to get to places, of course this will all depend on the distance of my destination, I prefer to walk to the places that can be reached easily. Cars for me, should only be used when the distance cannot be reached by walking.

Anyhow, going back to your essay, below are my thoughts on your analysis essay and for future reference, please attach the table or graph in your post;

- The Tabel Give Itable gives i nformation
- about percentation ofon the population of people using
- cars in the city by the timeand is measured in percentage .
- on theThe strength of tablethe people
- u sing cars are devided into five parts and the pie chart
- present the type of carsusingused by citizensto use most of the time.

There you have it Muhammad, as you can see there are a lot of work to be done in your analysis essay andI hope you follow through with the corrections made.

Writing Feedback / Negative impacts of tourism and suggestions to improve it better [2]

Hi Emily, WELCOME to this very helpful and valuable website, Essay Forum has helped a lot of students and writers alike, we aim at providing you with accurate and comprehensive feedback in order for you to gain confidence in your writing as well as hone your ability to write, not only simple essays but those ones that are definitely worth publishing.

Indeed, the popularity of the tourism market has a lot of impact in our lives and negative impacts are part of them too.
However, I believe that tourism is an industry that keeps giving people a way to enhance and alleviate their current status in life.
Going back to your essay, below are a few suggestions.

- Tourism plays an important role in the economy of some countries.
- It makesincreases the economy increase by bringing manyand bring
- benefits fromin the form of tourists and investors.
- However, tourism cause some problems inon countries that people travel to.

- Firstly , travellers go fromto this places to another placesand others ,
- they exchanged their culture with people that
- is mixed and itmay leads to the dilution of their culture.
- Trees isare cut down to build hotels, restaurants,...and this can
- destroy natural habitats and even may even result in

There you have it Emily, I left the rest of the essay so you can follow through with the corrections as you can see above.

Writing Feedback / Topic: According to an international travel magazine, many tourists today fly straight to their holi [6]

Hi Linh, thank you for your appreciation on our work, we do aim to provide you with the most comprehensive feedback we can possibly give and this is with the hopes to boost your confidence in writing as well as hone or develop your writing skills.

Learning anything is never easy and the same goes in learning a second language. English, on the other hand, is both a very rewarding as well as complicated in some ways but believe me, once you learn the strokes you will be able to use it in a lot of different ways and you will have fun and rewarding days ahead.

So how do you get about learning, well, you start with baby steps, read a lot, this will help you uncover words that you have not read before, words that will help you in your future writing projects and will also show you how they are used in a sentence. Now, you can definitely have fun in learning and in reading, do understand what you read, this is the key to learning the language and yo will definitely benefit from it.

Grammar, Usage / Help me on grammar usage for few statements of my sop [3]

Hi Gill, I believe this is your first essay help and I know you've come to the right place, I hope you find this website to be helpful and valuable to your writing projects, this is one of those many websites that offer help or assistance, however, what separates us from all the others out there, is the fact that we are here not only to give you advise but to develop your writing skills and show you different writing techniques that will help you in your future writing projects.

Having said that, please find a few suggestions below;

1. I am Coming from a family where everyone ... ( is use of has is correct or use of only v3 ?)
- I come from a family who excels in the academic world

2. My job responsibilities areas follows ( is use of are is correct ? )
- My responsibilities are as follows

3. But now days scenario has completely changed. Surfactant sputtering & ... (is entire statement is correct ?)
- However, todays scenario has completely changed,surfactant sputtering & MASS diodes are no longer a mere research topics

4. Almost every well establishes research organization seeking ... ( use of these is correct or those is more suitable word ? )
- Almost every well established research organization is seeking for scientists, those who have the expertise in these fields.

5.In USA there is only two colleges those offer ... (use of is correct or i use are ?)
- In the USA, there are only two colleges who offers this courses in these fields

6.Faculty ishighly trained and dedicated (use is or are ?)
- Faculty of highly trained and dedicated

There you have it Gill, I hope this helps and aside form grammar, you also have to note and focus on your sentence construction and you can do this by practicing to write more often.

Writing Feedback / A Walk to Margaret Falls. (Due Monday) Proof Read + Editing for Descriptive Essay [5]

Hi JC, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, I hope you find this website helpful to your writing projects. Now, first things first, you nailed a "Descriptive Essay", you have elaborated the event in a way that each and every reader who will get a chance to read you essay will be able to understand your essay.

Furthermore, the essay is like I'm reading a short story, it can actually be labeled as a short story and though mI may not be in the position to tag is as such, I believe it has all the points to be one of those stories that you will read through as it is as descriptive as one can possibly write it.

Moreover, you made sure that the words you associate in the essay are very easy to understand, words where you don't have to look up in the dictionary and this is very crucial when it comes to writing. The goal should be, that your readers know and understand what they are reading and the purpose of the article that you have written. I hope this insights help you in diminishing your doubts about your article, believe me, I enjoyed reading it and I know it answered what is asked of you to write about.

Scholarship / My leadership skill was started since I was a student. Chevening Scholarship 2017 [3]

Hi Taufik, first of all WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, I hope we will be able to assist you in your writing projects and provide you with your much needed help. We can assure you that we will provide you with a straight forward comment or feedback in order for you to create an even stronger essay.

Having said that, this particular essay or letter rather is actually a very crucial one, if I were to say, this is the mother of all essay reviews that I do, the Chevening Scholarship is a very sought after scholarship, it is definitely one of those that when you get in, you are one of the few who will have the privilege to be part of one of the most prestigious scholarship and institution.

Now, before doing so, I know that you have done your work in researching as to what extent this scholarship would mean to you, what are the ideas and inputs that you have to include in your essay, having said that, I must say, your essay needs quiet a lot of work and to show you a little bit of that much needed enhancement, please find my suggestions below;

- MyI have discovered my leadership skills whenwas started since I was a student.
- On that time, I got fully supported byfrom my parents
- becauseas they believe that
- leadership as an experience during
- the early days would be useful for children in character building.
- At school, I followed someactively participated in student organizations,

There you have it Taufik, I hope this helped and hopefully I can come back to you for a few more suggestions.

Writing Feedback / Motorways reduce time and distance of arriving to other cities, but they are also dangerous [8]

Oh that's great to hear, Danial!
There's nothing more than a word of approval and appreciation of our inputs here on EF. I do hope that we will be able to read and review more of your writing projects here on EF. As you know, we aim at providing you with most comprehensive and objective feedback, in order for you to create an even stronger essay or strengthen an already strong writing project.

Now, for future writing reference, it will help if you review the English language rules from time to time as this keep you abreast to any updates of the English language rules, reading more often will also do you a lot of good, this will open your eyes to a whole lot of words that you may later on, use in your writing projects and just about anything that you want to write.

Lastly, a healthy comparison of your articles, may it be with your classmates, friends or siblings will also hone and develop your sportsmanship in the writing field, it will also let you see different options and approach in writing.

'till your next writing project, keep writing!

Scholarship / 'my past academic achievements and awards' Motivation letter for Msc in Finance Scholarship [7]

Hi Quang, first of all, I would like to say, the first step you took in deciding to go for the Financial World is definitely one great step, I may not be good in numbers but one thing that I know is that, numbers can be two things, complicated and fun, complicated because of the many fundamental aspects of the field and fun because of the many mazes that you have to go through in solving and finding the answer to your equation and I believe this is what makes a lot of you guys drawn to this particular field.

Now, as I go through the essay, I must say, there are a lot of things, instances and moments that has definitely motivated you to pursue the financial industry and with the help of this scholarship, I'm sure you will be able to achieve this goals.

However, I have a few suggestions to enhance the concluding part of your essay.

- Given my pastArmed with my academic achievements and awards,
- I am confident that I will bring a high level of energyintelligence and enthusiasm to the Master's Intake and Scholarship of Lund University.
- Moreover, I believe that I can make good use
- of mythe knowledge gainingI will be able to gain from this program toand will eventually benefit my country.

There you have it Quang, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and I wish you the best of luck in this endeavor.

Writing Feedback / Motorways reduce time and distance of arriving to other cities, but they are also dangerous [8]

Hi Danial, I hope it's not too late for a few additional enhancements below;

- In overthe recent years
- which as a result they will able to reduce
- time and distance ofin arriving
- to other citiesplaces .
- I would like to share my opinion
- ofon why some people who say motorways - involvecan stir up some problems.

- firstlyFirst , the most outstanding
- problem is environmental destruction;
- which means the governments may cut down trees down
- if theythe direction of the motorway wil come acrosscross among the trees.
- one solution that may worksfor this problem is thatwith the governmentsis to focus onin an area, whichwith the least damages for environment.

There you have it Danial, I hope the corrections are still very valuable to your revision.

Writing Feedback / A Questionnaire essay : What values do you share with XX's "Pleasant Life" philosophy? [3]

Hi Yunyi, here's my take on the last part of your essay.

- XX's lifestyle ( "lifestyle" - is all one word )

- is also about being minimalismmiimalist ,
- avoiding the unnecessary.
- In the making process, the retail willthey select
- recyclable paper,and avoid using some harmful materials.
- The LED lightningslightings, reduce carbon footprint. - Also, because of the sustainable
- and thoughtfulinnovative design,
- All of these bring me its attitude andhas influenced me to practicethisan eco-friendly attitude has influenced me.
- I believe many othera lot of people also like
- and buy things they only need now .

- In conclusionI conclude , I think XX's "Pleasant Life" philosophy meets my needscorresponds to my life goals and philosophy .

There you have it Yunyi, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision.

Writing Feedback / People have to be more careful for choosing their clothes because it may cause some problems [5]

Hi Andika, running through the essay as an initial review, I must say, you were able to point out both views and significantly expressed your take on the task at hand. However, for future writing reference, I would like you to focus on the minor details in writing, such as your linking verbs as well as the punctuation marks, as this are the links that can make or break your sentence and it will have an impact in the overall outcome of your essay.

Having said that, I would like to suggest a few enhancements towards the last paragraph of your essay.

- In conclusion, I think todays people
- have to be more careful for using dressin dressing up, because it will becan cause a problem.
- If people use thewear clothes
- that dois not precise with the existing situation,
- it will provoke ofcreate confusion from the people around them.
- On the other handHowever , people should
- not be comment about other peoplebe free in wearing clothes that fir and make them feel good about themselves and should not be judged with the way they dressbecause they do not know about others character .

There you have it Andika, I hope the above remarks and corrections help you in your revision.

Undergraduate / I watch action and comedy movies. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it - MIT essay [4]

Hi Peter, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, here, we aim at helping you out in enhancing your essay. We also share our knowledge with the English language and even more so, we provide you with the most comprehensive and objective feedback, in order for you to build that much needed confidence in your writing projects.

Now, we will address your concern in this essay,however, before I do that,I would like to share that finding pleasure in watching movies is rather quiet expensive, I believe the movie houses will cost you way above $10, however, as this is what makes you happy, I say, good job in finding a great way to enjoy your free time.For your concluding part on this essay, I suggest a few sentences below;

As the saying goes, "to each is their own", which means, every person has its own identity and each person can find its own way of using their free time, I happen to find enjoyment in watching movies and I learn from them too. Watching movies is one thing that I want to share to friends and families in the future.

There you have it Peter, I hope the above remarks help.

Writing Feedback / Topic: According to an international travel magazine, many tourists today fly straight to their holi [6]

Hi Linh, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, I hope you find this website helpful and even more so, valuable to your essay revision, we aim to provide you with the most accurate and comprehensive feedback in order for you to have that much needed enhancement in your writing projects.

Having said that, please find a few suggestions below;

-After a hard days work,
- everyone hope haveto become a tourist, to relax and rest.
- As well as, theirV acation is an inspiration to create for theirlike working on a new project and next work.
- The same about finally aims and goals but there
- are many differentdifference between tourist
- from the past and today.
- Demands of people and develop tourism is a part of this change.

- In the past, most of tourists would like
- to discoverdiscovering and express their freedom.
- So they found to their destinationbyThey often travel with their motorbike or car.
- Then went to seesight, discovered thisthey go for sight seeing and go local.
- Sometimes , they stay at home ofwith the local people instead of hotel.
- This thing can decrease the vacation cost for theirthe tourist.

There you have it Linh, as you can see, there are quiet a lot of work to be done to enhance your essay and I hope you follow through.

Graduate / Application for the master's degree of Corporate Communication [2]

Hi Liu, below are my thoughts on your Application essay and I will make it straight forward correction in order for you to see the difference of the original draft and the corrections and remarks itself.

Last paragraph
- communication needs the basic of sufficient knowledge, experience and executive capacity. - what exactly do you mean by "executive capacity", please elaborate.

- SoTherefore , even thoughif I - activity, I stillwill lay emphasis on
- the acquisition of professional knowledge
- accumulation byand not only choosingchoose
- but also usually being an auditor intake into audit, some optional courses and lectures.
- I have not considered anyof another
- choice offor my future career
- except fromfor the communication
- I know the huge influence and maybe as well as the difficulties
- in the proceed ofpursuing communication,
- be a little different because of thewith my existence of me .

There you have it Liu, as you can see, I believe one thing that you have to learn is to be decisive in your ideas and in putting them in writing, most of the sentences you have are quiet half way there and its got the confusion and believe me, the reader will know what and how the letter feels.

Writing Feedback / Based on the previous question, what do you think XX's business will be like in the next ten years? [6]

Hi Yunyi, thanks for your feedback and for appreciating what we do here on EF, well, I changed "have" to "pose" as I believe this is more appropriate to your sentence.

To elaborate this further, "pose a larger market", means that the market is seen as large and with great potential to become a big business. Having said that, this should be a good addition to your essay. Remember, this essay is very futuristic, therefore, the progress and forecast of the business and its potential is very vital to the overall outcome of your writing project.

There you have it Yunyi, I hope this additional insights help in your revision and you know what else will improve your writing capabilities, read whenever you can as this will help you discover words that you haven't encountered before and you can use this in your future writing projects.

Writing Feedback / The government must make choices about how to spend money from taxes [3]

Hi Jesse, I would like to start this review by sharing my opinion about the task at hand. I believe, the government needs to make choices that is bound to address a more depressing issue than what they are currently up to, issues like poverty and hunger are just a few of this issues. However, I believe that the government is doing every single step possible in order to address the issues they have at hand and they are trying their best to cover as much issues as possible.

Moving on to your essay, below are my thoughts.

First paragraph
- When it comes to amusing the people,
- the government mayis faced with
- Some people contendcontest that we
- However, I tend to frown onat this assertion.

Second paragraph
- Nowadays, many people are suffering from sub-healthy diseases, - what exactly do you mean by sub-healthy disease?

- such as diabetes or high blood-fat .
- there are not enough sports facilities in the citiescity .
- implementtime to exercise, and their physical
- work out in the nearby gyms after work. Andand the gym wasis supported by

There you have it Jesse, I hope the above remarks are helpful and for future writing reference, mind your sentence construction and make sure that your verbs are in the right forms too.

Writing Feedback / The more people travel, the more rubbish are thrown away. [6]

Hi Nguyen. please find additional suggestions below;

- I thinkbelieve this statement is true
- because the number of tourists havehas been - increasing and this may cause negative effects onin - the country thatwhere people travel to.
- through exhaust emissions from motorcycle engines and boats.
- Noise from transportmodes of transportation and - touristsmotorists can cause troubles
- Moreover, the development of tourism activities, ( don't forget your punctuation marks )
- lack of control may have an impact on the soil (erosion, landslides),
- threatened species of wild fauna and flora.
- As a result, the environment areis becoming worse.
- Overall, to solve this problemissue,
- strict laws to prevent bad impact to the environment .

There you have it Nguyen, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision.
Just to share, I believe people should have the liberty to travel anywhere they want and whenever they want, however, they have to be responsible, not leave trash or rubbish as you said and love the country they are visiting.

Undergraduate / A Bad Day to Remember. Temple University Admissions Essay. English as second Language. [2]

Hi Yunior, WELCOME to the Team, I hope you find this website to be helpful and even more so, valuable to your writing projects, we aim at providing you with the most accurate and comprehensive feedback that will hopefully strengthen your writing project as well as hone and develop your writing skills.

Having said that, I do agree that the essay is somehow long for the prompt and what is asked of you to write. What I mean is that, for an essay admission, you have to be very straight forward, you have to make sure that they are geared towards answering the prompt, now I don't mean that you didn't write what is asked of you, however, it will help if you can summarize every event that transpired and not to write it like you are writing a novel that needs to be very much elaborated.

Furthermore, this admission essay should have the much needed information such as your academic journey,academic development, experiences that honed you to become and be encouraged to be the person you are right now and taking this step to greater academic achievement. I hope the above remarks and insights are helpful to your revision.

Writing Feedback / Based on the previous question, what do you think XX's business will be like in the next ten years? [6]

Hi Yunyi, first of all WELCOME to the Essay Forum family, I know that you have been with us for a while,however, this is my first review of your essay and I hope this will improve your revision. Now, first things first, as this is a progressive essay, meaning it has an essay before it, it will help, if you have a background or a couple of sentences in order to create that connection of ideas.

Having said that, I believe the word "knockoff" is fine to use in describing fake goods, however, you can use other synonyms such as imitation or copy, in cases like this, you can always look up and search for the synonyms of the word in order to have a few options in getting your idea and making sure that you have the right word to complete the sentences.

Furthermore, I have a few suggestions for the concluding part of the essay.
- Also, I think XX will open more stores in different locations, as many countries havepose a large market such as India.
..., so I think XX will absorbbe able to cater to various culture (...) to display its characteristicproducts to otherfor the people there .

There you have it Yunyi, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision.

Writing Feedback / Showing interest in Engineering and which program within this appeals to me - MY BROWN SUPPLEMENT [4]

Hi Erica, I believe this is my first time to review your writing projects and I can assure you we are doing every bit of best practices in order to provide you with the most accurate and comprehensive feedback that will boost your confidence in submitting your project.

Now, first things first, as this is with two different prompt, I was expecting two different and separate essays. Yes, this is a supplement essay with two questions and I believe, in order for you to showcase and highlight your answers and a clear approach on the task at hand.

Furthermore, I suggest that you write the question, followed by the answer and do the same for the second question, also, you can try to post the essay on separate occasions, this way you will have further focus and wider audience to give you additional support in your revision. For now, I would like to leave you with this insights and hopefully you can repost the essay in a way mentioned above.

Undergraduate / I always visioned myself as a doctor; MCPHS essay, is it too basic/boring? [3]

Hi Julia, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, I hope this is just the start of a good relationship, we can assure you that with the help of this website and its editors as well as an army of contributors, you can expect no less than a well edited and well crafted essay, ready for submission.

Now, as I go through your essay, I must say, I noticed a few words that are somehow not the the most applicable word to complete the idea of your sentence. Having said that, please find a few suggestions below;

- Growing up, I always visionedenvisioned myself as a doctor.
- In Anatomy class, last year though ,
- is when I firstexploreddiscovered my interest.
- Sitting in the class,wasfor the first time, I actually was actually interested in what we were learningstudying .
- that made we changed my view.
- Towards the end of the class,is when
- I got my first real application ifof anatomy.
- much than I did in all of the lassclasses I had .
- Actually seeing the structures, I learned
- about and holding them in my handsa lot and

There you have it Julia,overall, the corrections are focused on the minor details of the essay such as punctuation marks, word input and if there is a major one, it will be the sentence construction, it is somehow missing or not in the right sequence, so you have to be careful with this in your future projects and in your revision.

Writing Feedback / Keep your goals to yourself by Derek Sivers [2]

Hi Patta, please find a few additional suggestions for your analysis essay.

- Many people have personal goals that it imaginedand they strive to take the nextto step next closer to that goal but honestly,
- if you tellshare your dream to other people
- that it would not be a good feeling.
- In fact,a psychology expert said,
- that sayingwhen someone
- yourlearns your objective it makes them unhappy.
- pursue their goals such as less weight loss with jogging
- then when you tell to someone
- whichand they have a good reaction, it is a good for your motivation for you .

There you have it Patta, as you can see there's quiet work to be done and I left a few sentences, in order for you to practice editing it yourself and follow through the above remarks.

Writing Feedback / PTE - Essay writing practise : Parents should be held legally responsible for their children's acts. [6]

Hi Venkat, no worries at all, we are here to support you in all the endeavors you may have.We aim to provide you with the best feedback and review we can give, as well as encourage you to try different techniques of writing and develop the existing format of writing that you got use to, with the hopes of rediscovering that creative side of you in order to incorporate this in your essay.

Having said that, whenever you're writing, make sure that, first, you understood the goal of the essay, what is asked of you to write about and what will be the focus of the essay, next, make sure that you review the English language rules from time to time, this will not only refresh your memory, it will also give you that much needed reminder on how to use the minor details in the sentence construction as this will have an overall impact in the outcome of the essay.

I hope to review more of your essays very soon and keep writing.

Writing Feedback / The Key to Family Happiness is Really Simple [3]

Hi Muhamad, before I give you a few suggestion in enhancing your essay, I must say that I agree, the key to happiness is really simple, simplicity id the key to make life worth living, however, most people doesn't really appreciate simplicity, a lot or most people loves extravagant life, a lot of things left, right and center and even if they think they have enough, they still want more and the more they see material stuff, they want it even more.

Anyhow, please find a few suggestions below;

- This article is made by Amanda MacMilan and talkingit talks about how
- to getachieve happiness in your family.
- relationships with each other
- and also make you feel happier as part of your family .
- However, a new study which shown byshowed that a researcher discovered
- that makes you closer withto your family;.
- makes you feel more happinesshappier and
- it is more effective way rather than taking a vacation together.
- According to Baylor University which doingwho conducted the surveyed forwith several people,
-it isthey found that people who spent
- their leisure time by stayedstaying at home

There you have it Muhamad, I believe there are a few very minor enhancements that should be done in your essay, however, it will be better if those minor details are not in the sentence.

Writing Feedback / Why the letter X represents undefined or an unknown? [2]

Hi Patta, please find a few suggestions the will hopefully be helpful to your revision.

- Letter 'X' is re presented as undefined or unknown. - It something with no definition
- The question is why is this letter
- which isthe representative of the unknown?
- Terry Moore have been explained it by learning - some letters or language from some countries.
- StartingIt started with the Arabic language,
- Arabic language symbols were containinghas mathematic wisdom and then itis translated.
- Next itIt is known as AL Jabra.
- However, one of the problem wasin the Arabic
- symbol is that, it is unpopular in European countries.
- To solve this, Moore said that the Letter 'shin'
- translated becometo 'say on' which
- meant something that it some undefined and unknown thing.
- The word 'Shin' becomebecame 'say on'
- cannot be renderred into Spanish language
- because Spanish speakers find it difficult to say this sound.
- These problems be resolved by using Greek symbol X (read: kai) and then, this letter is translated into English becomeand became X.

There you have it Patta, I hope you follow through with the corrections and though the remarks and corrections in your sentences are minor, they should be eliminated in order to create a well defined and concise sentences.

Writing Feedback / PTE - Essay writing practise : Parents should be held legally responsible for their children's acts. [6]

Hi Venkat, first of all WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, I hope you find this website helpful and even more so, valuable to your writing projects. We aim to provide you with the most accurate and comprehensive feedback that will not only strengthen your essay but will also make sure that you are able to develop your writing techniques and discover new ones.

Having said that, please find additional corrections that I would like to suggest for your revision.

- Usually, weWe usually see people
- holding various opinions with regards to the who havehas to take the responsibility
- WhereasHowever , we get to see some other people havehas an opinion contrary to the above one.
- In my opinion, I believe that children's are like a blank state
- and in the developing stages
- parents havehas a greater role and responsibility to play in their children's behaviour and awareness.
- SoTherefore , parents are responsible for their children's actions.

There you have it Venkat, I hope you follow through with the corrections made and for future writing reference, know the right placement or input of the words you choose in your sentences as this will have an overall impact in your essay.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2. It is generally agreed today that when a country develop its technologies, the long-es [3]

Hi Maxim, if I were to rate you according to how you answered the prompt and the usage of the English language rules and regulations, I must say I will give you an 8, I believe you have answered the prompt properly, your choice of words is of clarity and this is the best thing that you can do when writing an essay, as soon as you understand what is asked of you to write, you will be able to write a very good and comprehensive essay.

Having said that, as I go through your essay, I have a few suggestions for the first and last paragraph of your essay.

First paragraph
- Today, it is generally agreed today
- It is useless to try and remain them currently centralkeep the norms alive .

Conclusion
... that traditional experience and walksnorms of life mightshould remain and be strengthened in order for the next generation to enjoy and rediscover life like the previous generations did .

There you have it Maxim, I hope the above remarks help you with your revision.

Writing Feedback / Give me some advice about How to introduce yourself? [4]

Hi Bambang, below are additional thoughts for your revision.

- Speaker TED-xTED speaker X talked about
- how to be good in introducing your self
- introduction with new personto other people .
- He said, most of people in the world have different
- style selfin presenting themselves .
- Grouping by age , there are many styles self acquaintance with new person.
- I'm not sure what you exactly mean by this sentence, however, I believe you mean this - Factoring the age, there are different styles in getting acquainted with a new person

- For example, the speaker said,
- when he was in primary school they
- introduce their selfthemselves with a stranger,
- he was in junior high school and senior high school. - According to the speaker, that
- In fact, everyone havehas the same pattern
- and meaning on their self acquaintance , and that is bad self introduction.
- On the other hand, the speaker is a

There you have it Bambang, I believe the main focus of your revision should be in the construction of your sentences and making sure that the ideas are transpired with clarity.

Writing Feedback / Congestion and air pollution problems will not be over until the government applies the high tax [2]

Hi Ashela, as I go through your essay, I must say it is pretty comprehensive, you have all the points covered and you managed to voice out your opinions, about the task at hand and this issue is absolutely pressing these days, it's one of those issues that we face everyday and should be taken cared of, yes, there are a lot of issues to tackle, however, it should take priority as it definitely affects all other areas of our economy.

Moving forward, I have a few suggestions for your essay and for starters, don't forget to include the linking verbs into your sentences, as minor as they are, they complete the sentences and this will have an overall impact to the entire essay.

- applies the highhigher tax for the people who
- have more than one private vehicles more than one
- has ever raised the cost of the fuels,
- but the demand of private cars still increasesincreased recently.
- Finland can be a model country which succeedsthat succeeded in solving these problems.

- Most of the developing countries
- face thean increasing number of vehicles
- had tried to set thea higher cost of petrol which
- useless sinceas the residents still afford to
- purchase the private cars even though
- they have to pay more expensive cost to fulfill the need offor petrol.

There you have it Ashela, I hope the above remarks are helpful in your revision and I hope you follow through and try or practice editing the essay yourself.

Scholarship / Leadership may be defined as a position of power held by an individual in a group [3]

Hi Kingsley, thank you for appreciating our work here on EF and I can assure you that we will continue to work with you, develop your writing capabilities and show you what else and how else you can be able to hone your writing in order to come up with an even stronger and well constructed essay and writing project.

Moreover, we strive to provide you with constructive and objective feedback that will help you or rather assist you in your future writing projects. Having said that, we would like to remind you that in writing, you need to start with understanding the prompt or the task at hand, wether it be an analysis or something that is of todays topic, you need to understand it in order to write a good essay about it.

Furthermore, you need to review the English language rules and regulations from time to time in order to make sure that you have the right rules to back you up in your writing.

I hope this insights and reminders help you with your future projects and we will be here for you at all times.

Writing Feedback / Why are group study sessions more helpful and efficient than studying alone? [6]

Hi Rick, thank you for writing back to us and we do appreciate every feedback and words of appreciation are the kind of words that get us going.

Now, to address your concerns, please find my insights below;

1. What is the difference between "Access of" and "Access to"?
Well, the difference is, "access of" is when one has the privilege of using such access and "access to" is when one has the option of using one thing or not, while both has the right to use or enter but they have other options to do so

2. What should I use between "Helpful to something" and "Helpful in something"?
In this phrase, it really depends on how you use it, nevertheless, I believe it will be appropriate to use "to assist or give assistance " rather than the word "help", personally,the word "help" shouts desperation, however, if it is necessary to convey your idea then it will suffice.

3. According to your feedback, you say "this kind of activity is.." needs to be changed to "this kind of activities is..".

Don't people normally use "these kinds of activities are.." or "this kind of activity is.."?
In this area, it should be written, "These kinds of activities are....",again it depends on how it will run in the sentence and the need of the phrase in sending your message across.

There you have it Rick, I hope the above remarks help and do let us know should you need further assistance.

Scholarship / Leadership may be defined as a position of power held by an individual in a group [3]

Hi Kingsley, you know what, I really didn't realize that this is for the Chevening Scholarship until I finished reading the essay, honestly, it looked and felt like an ordinary essay like that of a personal statement which is an extension of an autobiography.

Now, as you know, the Chevening Scholarship is one of the most sought after and prestigious scholarship, therefore, it needs a very strong and straight forward essay.

I must say, your essay is definitely straight forward, you answered what is asked of the prompt and made it known that you are after a position in this elusive scholarship, however, I have a few suggestions for the last paragraph of the essay.

- Chevening scholarship offers me a great opportunity
- the earth and the environment by taking
- masters in this sustainability program. Andand I believe if I can achievein achieving my goal learning about sustainability, it will equip and lead me to be able lead and influence the society into a positive direction.

There you have it Kingsley, I hope the above remarks and insights strengthened your essay and I hope to review your revision soon.

Writing Feedback / An Article Summary: Your Boobs Start to Eat Themselves after Breastfeeding is Over By: Linda Geddes [3]

Hi Fitriani, after reading your essay, it actually made me think of mothers nursing their babies, something that mothers know best and are also doing a very noble act of love, I believe this is one thing that our mothers are the most respectable and possess undying love to us, yes, they may be a pain sometimes and may not understand all there is that we do as youngsters, but hey, they put up with us, in every single way possible.

Now, going back to your article summary, I believe you have made a well rounded summary, as I mentioned, it made me understand the process of lactation, breastfeeding and pretty much the whole process of nursing a beloved child.

It also made me realize that, our mothers definitely had a lot to take to nourish and keep us healthy, I believe this is what most mothers would do for their children and a mothers love is no other love we can ever receive in our lives.

Thank you for understanding the article and effectively summarizing it, it is really very effective. Keep writing.

Writing Feedback / Why are group study sessions more helpful and efficient than studying alone? [6]

Hi Rick,I'm glad you found this website and as much as you expected, we aim at providing you with the most comprehensive and accurate feedback, in order for you to strengthen your essay.

Having said that, I would like to share that I for one, enjoys group sessions, it does not only help in your studies, it also foster a very good relationship between classmates and friends that will hopefully be a long live friendship,

Now, going back to your essay, I must say you have a logical approach of the ideas and how to properly create a meaningful and easy to comprehend essay, you also focused on the task at hand and this is very important when you are writing an essay. Overall, there is only very minor enhancements to be made such as the one made by another contributor above and I hope you follow through and keep writing.

Writing Feedback / Writting TASK II The criminality is one of the crucial problems faced by people recently [2]

Hi Shandy, as I go through the essay, I must say that you are lacking a few linking verbs that can complete the idea of the sentences, not only that, you seem to have a direct translation of your ideas into sentences, though this is good, it can still be refined.

Having said that, please find a few suggestions below.

- The criminality is one of the crucial problems faced by people recently. - this is the task prompt and I advise that you paraphrase it further or add a few words to distinguish it from the prompt, see suggestion below;

Indeed, the criminality is one of the most crucial problems faced by people recently.

- that the best way whichto should be taken
- is the legally fixed punishment for each of the crimes
- in order to create thea very strict law.
- Others state that,( don't forget your punctuation marks ) before

There you have it Shandy, I hope the above remarks are helpful.

Writing Feedback / Some parents order their children to work hard for their physical and mental improvement [3]

Hi Timur, first of all WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, I hope you find this website to be helpful and even more so, valuable to your writing projects, we aim at giving you the most accurate and credible feedback that we could possibly provide, in order for you to have that confidence in submitting your essay.

Having said that, below are a few suggestions for your essay.

- In this periods,allday and age, a lot of people
- want to achieve theirhigher position
- so as to earn muchmore money.
- However,some parents order their children to work hard places
- and it could behowever this could cause their
- of view before coming to reasoneda reasonable conclusion.

- First of all,in thethis world, the most important basisbase is family.
- Nevertheless,it should stand at first stage. Rspecially,children conditions.- I believe this sentences are not necessary
- That'sWhat's more,numerous families
- tend tito order children to
- Honestly,it is a good idea
- Namely,theyThey need to study and it could help free time to concentrate on studying their lessons.

There you have it Timur, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision, I believe what you need to focus on in your revision is not to put too many words in a sentence, specially if it will not help your essay.