Writing Feedback / The kind of problem people often face when starting to stay abroad - according to age. [3]

Hi Ivan.
Welcome to Essay Forum. You have been a right website to improve your skill. I hope you can harness this as well as possible. In this time, I will focus on contents of your writing. Please, meet my notes and review them


THE CHART DISPLAYS INFORMATION ABOUT KINDS OF PROBLEM FACED WHEN PEOPLE WANT TO MOVE TO ANOTHER COUNTRY BASED ON THREE DIFFERENT AGE GROUPS.

- Overall, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT people having 35-54year-olds had HAVE (This is fact information so that you have to use the simple present tense) the most problematic challenge.


(be careful to write meanwhile and while in one sentence. It will make your sentence vague and readers confused. I suggest you only write meanwhile)


I appreciate for your endeavors to use "the former and the Latter". However, you have to be careful to use them because those can make the readers confused. well, you can use them if you only describe two items clearly. I have found that you reviewed 3 figures in the paragraphs so that I am confused about relations. Which groups did relate to the former and latter?. You have to be more aware.


You should make your data more varied. The fraction can be called in this paragraph. HAVE APPROXIMATELY ONE-THIRDS


19 AND 6 PERCENT RESPECTIVELY.


Where is your comparison??. honestly, this is odd paragraph because you did not totally describe the key data. besides that, your paragraph only consists of two sentences. keep in your mind, each good paragraph has at least 3 sentences.

Hopefully, this can help you to enhance your skill.
I really believe you can show better progress if you wanna practice again and again
keep spirit
GOOD LUCK :D

Writing Feedback / The proportion of various kind of problems that citizens experience while living in overseas [6]

Hi Pramudiana..
Welcome to Essay Forum. I am delighted to tell that you have been a right website to develop your skill. In this section, I review about your grammar of the writing. Please, meet my note and deal with them.

... kind of problems that happen HAPPENING(you should reduce it) for citizens who (...) is provided by IN the bar graph. While MEANWHILE (When you wanna harness the conjunction "WHEN", you have to remember the pattern S V, WHEN S V. There needs a comma, not a period) , all of the people tend to easy to get EASILY school for ...


(Where is the detailed information?. In the body paragraph, you have to order interesting trend and display detailed. Besides that, you keep in your mind that each good paragraph consists more than 2 sentences)


Avoid using EVEN THOUGH in the formal writing. You should use although, but you must remember the pattern--- S V Although S V or Although S V, SV)


repetition. you are supposed to harness transitive words properly.

You have made a big error because almost all data have been not explained detailed. Please, you do not fall the same mistake.

Hopefully, these can help you.
Keep Spirit
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Nowadays, there are many causes that make children have an unhealthy lifestyle. [5]

Hi Ifra.
Welcome to Essay Forum. You have been a right medium to improve your writing. In this moment, I only focus on your contents of your writing. Please, meet my notes and consider them to enhance your skill.


have a responsibility to TACKLE those problems.
Actually, you have succeeded to create the introduction well. You are able to paraphrase the statement and show where your position or opinion in the thesis statement.


In this the essay, you cannot place theory directly. Fine, you elucidate your personal experience about your brother. However, you have to display resource where you got. I suggest you include scientific fact to support your opinion.


This is out of the topic because you explain that the good diet influences the brain. Please, make you sure that you have met the prompts in this question.

quote=ifraanisa05] schools give a permission to other people who sell the food around the school without know the quality of the food.[/quote]


The example you gave cannot support your opinion. Focus on your edge of the topic.


(Avoid repetition)

Turning to your conclusion paragraph, keep in your mind that each good paragraph has at least 3 sentences. You are supposed to include the suggestion for a few elements to deal with the matter. Apart from that, you should harness linking/ transitive words appropriately. Those can make your essay smoother when it moves from the topic to the other topic.

I personally believe you can master this skill on condition that you wanna provide much time to practice more and more...
Happy Writing
GOOD LUCK
:D

Writing Feedback / 10 things we need to apply in the way we talk to other people without feeling bored [2]

Hi Russell.
In this moment, I do not suggest about your summary because the basic rule for creating the summary you did not follow. Keep in your mind that summarizing is an activity where you watch a video or read an article and you rewrite them, but you use your own words. Your summary is like a report because you did not write systematically. When you summarize, you are supposed to focus the structure of the summary. First, you display the introduction sentence about where you take its resource. For example, because you took from TED's website, you can write "THIS SUMMARY TAKEN ON TED'S WEBSITE PRESENTS A TOPIC DEMONSTRATED BY.... ABOUT......"

After that, you elucidate the topic explained by the speaker. However, you do not forget to include supporting/ reasons sentences which explain or strengthen your topic. It is important that you can explain the basic elements of the summary (WHAT, WHY, WHEN, WHERE, WHO, AND HOW). On the other hand, you do not review the data in detail.

Hopefully, this suggestion can help you to make the summary better.
keep spirit
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / "Mentor is not always those one who still alive" - TED Summary by Tai Lopez (The law of 33%) [2]

Hi Russell..
These below are my thoughts about your summary. Hopefully, those can help you greatly and finalize yours

Make MAKING our life IS more useful (...); all we have to do is ARE socialize SOCIALIZATION with other people. Associate ING(You have to make it as GERUND to find proper meaning) with 33 % (...) younger than us, hence we can PRESENT A WAY TO mentor them about ...

Next BESIDES THAT, 33 % with OF our peers, WHO HAVE the same age with us, thus we can share about anything EACH OTHER. The last LASTLY, but not least was MORE THAN 33% IS COLLEAGUES with elderly people ...

... someone who had 10 million dollarS OF INCOME THE company to learn with. "Mentor is not always those one who still aliveS, even if they had (...) through their biography, BECAUSE all of them ...

... since it makes them boring BORED. Tai suggests treating our books IS like friends.(You have to remember that each good paragraph has at least 3 sentences)

Writing Feedback / TED SUMMARY : OCEAN LIFE IN THE SEA FLOOR [2]

Hi Riandi..
These are my thoughts towards your summary. I hope you review my notes and deal with them.
GOOD LUCK

Gallo as A marine biologist (...), and we THAT called S it AS THE ocean, besides . (Keep in your mind that you cannot combine two sentences without using a conjunction)we THAT can be divided into ...

... deepest water with color which is(You suppose to reduce this conjunction) black or dark.
... find corals with A sophisticated technology such as ...
..., while it found FINDS in the deepest trenches of Mexico. Then AFTER THAT, find some animals such as jellyfish which life LIVING in a colony and it gives an amazing color because of(You have to remember difference of use of because and because of. After because of, it has to be followed by ONLY NOUN) it is habitat ...

On the other hand, THE poisonous water (...) and beautiful of THE marine'S life.
... that people's pattern of life OF PATTERNS have to changes(TO INFINITIVE) for avoiding THE damage in the ocean (...) impact on THE ocean such as TRASH FROM drink and for food.

Writing Feedback / '4 reasons to learn a new language' by John McWhorter - Summary of TED [2]

Hi Ifan..
these are my thoughts for summary grammatically. Check it out

"English WHICH is taking over" is not one of (...) who capable of English are INCREASING catastrophically increase .
As an adequate example for that, In china , there 2 dozen universities IN CHINA are transferring knowledge (...) also improve their to insight of Chinese proficiency. Further more FURTHERMORE, at the last (...) from 6000 languages which exist to day TODAY, SO there will only some of ...

The precisely justification to that is the foreign languages have HAVING different acid trip ...
take TAKING France and Spanish ARE as THE example, . Both of them has HAVE THE same perspective about A table, because to them THEY THINK THA THE Table is kind of a girl. The second reason of that, IS because they (...) to be AN expert in THE culture. You suppose to take care about OF languages difficulties (...) and participate in THE culture. Another reason is THAT THE languages are just awful ...

SoTHEREFORE, Ii highly recommend that learning ...

Writing Feedback / A number of large cities with skyscrapers and shopping centres replacing small villages [2]

Hi..
Let me help you to finalize your essay. In this moment, I only focus on your contents of your essay.


Purpose of writing the thesis statement is to describe your mind briefly. You should mention advantages and disadvantages which you will review, but you only write them through one or two words. It can help readers to get the points what you explain detailed in the body paragraph


IN MY POINT OF VIEW, LIVING IN THE SMALL TOWN BRINGS A LARGE NUMBER OF ADVANTAGES.

Turning to the body paragraph, you actually have plenty ideas relating to the topic. However, you did not explain deeply. Keep in your mind that you can display the opinion but have to give supporting sentences. On condition that you don't., your opinions will seem like layman's opinion. Besides that, you should demonstrate concession in the last sentence each paragraph. It can illustrate the conclusion or consequent from all ideas.


you do not ever contraction in the formal writing. PEOPLE DID NOT


APART FROM THOSE, THERE ARE A FEW DETRIMENTAL EFFECTS
(You should harness linking words properly)


IN CONCLUSION / TO CONCLUDE

to strengthen your conclusion, you should include a suggestion. That relates to the matter. It comes from the government, citizens or other elements.

Hopefully, these above can help you greatly.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Summary of article : Japanese Scientist Yoshinori Ohsumi Wins the Nobel Prize in Medicine [2]

Hi Radja.
Let me help you to finalize your summary

The A scientist of jJapan had been awarded A NOBEL PRIZE this years in medicine on Monday IN THIS YEAR for finding AN INVENTION WHICH related to the ...

THE INSTITUTE SAID THAT Disorganized autophagy (...) diabetes and cancer, the institute said.
... recognized for many years ago, WHERE its basic importance in physiology ...
... category since the first Nobel prizes were carry.

... was given by some scientistS who develoved DEVELOPED treatment for malaria ...
The publication continueD with aid on Sunday while ...

Note: Honestly, your summary is quite messy. I do not know why you separate your sentences in this summary so that it seemed not having coherence. Please, it does not matter if you only create one paragraph for the summary. It is important that one idea and another idea are relevant. Besides that, check your spelling.

I really believe you can make the summary better if you wanna provide more time to practice again and again.

Writing Feedback / Some professors claim that learning a foreign language should be started in the earliest grades [3]

Hi Ucha,,
These are a few suggestions to improve your score in this essay
Please, review my notes and deal with them


Secondary school has different meaning with the high school. It is better if you only write its original word rather than you paraphrase but making fault.


Avoid using word "assume".. I TEND TO STATE THAT A COUPLE OF BENEFITS

On the one hand, it is often said that acquiring LEARNING foreign language will (...) a child PERIOD because children are able to imitate language EASIER than adolescence. This IS also supported by the theory of THE second language and learning acquisition, which is stated that Critical Period (...) or learn THE second/foreign language.

... who enrolled in AN international kindergarten ...
... since childhood become A good foundation for (...) or spoken in THE foreign language such as English RENOWNED AS THE INTERNATIONAL LANGUAGE.

.., learning THE foreign language in primary ...
So CONSEQUENTLY , children may not be able to focus on ...
... childhood is the period in which WHERE they played more than learning. As a result, many A GREAT NUMBER OF children cannot enjoy ...

All in all, regarding to both point of views, it (...) started to learn THE foreign language ...(Honestly, your conclusion is less sharpen because I have not found why you said that learning the foreign language in the primary school is better than in the secondary. I believe you can make it better.)

Writing Feedback / Article Review: Mini Dog Robot can Bounce, Open Doors and even Climb Fences [2]

Hi Yonathan,
Actually, it is a good summary. However, let me help you to finalize this. Meet my notes and review them

... impassable to wheeled and tracked robots,.(well, placing a comma or period is a tiny error. However, it can determine whether your sentence is true or not. You have to remember that each sentence only has one main verb so that when there are two main verbs and do not have a conjunction, it is a major mistake) it can also climb stairs ...

This means that, although each robot currently HAS cost around $10,000 to make IT, this should drop below $1500... ButHOWEVER,(You need a linking word, not connecting conjunction) we quite fancy just having one ...

Writing Feedback / Children can be introduced to a foreign language from their first years of study [3]

Hi Fauziyah..
I am pleased to read your writing because you have shown positive progress. You have written your essay systematically. In this moment, let me help you to finalize your essay. I only focus on your contents. Please, meet my notes and deal with them.


IT IS BETTER ON CONDITION THAT A FOREIGN LANGUAGE IS TAUGHT AT THE SCHOOL SINCE EARLIEST GRADE.
(You are supposed to reread your sentence to make you sure whether it is convenient to be read or not.)


Actually, you have written the thesis statement because it has clearly seemed where your position is. However, you should give one or two words to display why you agree if readers know general description what you will review

According to the statement above,that English needs to be ...
Due to THERE IS the A fact that children's brain can easily ...
For instance, almost throughout the developed (...), sing a song during studying process.(Actually, it is essential to be added because you have given the scientific fact.)

In addition, nowadays every technology [...] needs such as for education or even playing a game(I think you are better to find another reason because that is less strong) .

... language is a necessary VERY PRIMARY for this decade, . a teacher does (...) only on it, as children need social ...
(In fact, this paragraph is out of the topic because you explained why the teacher does not only focus on teaching the language. Turning to the prompt, you are asked to explain why you disagree if the foreign language is taught in the first formalk education. Please, pay attention to the prompts of the statement)

To concluded , I completely believe that ...
... for this develop the world, social education needs to be juxtaposed with language education.(This is out of the topic).
To finalize your the conclusion paragraph, you are supposed to include suggestions from a varied of elements to tackle this matter.

OVERALL, IT IS A GOOD JOB
KEEP SPIRIT
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Article Summary - How to Use Google to Plan Your Trip [3]

Hi Lincoln..
These below are my thoughts for your summary. I firmly hope these can help to finalize yours.

... revolutionize the previous apps which is NAMELY Google maps.
... tour guide in your A pocket, itAND aims to help travelers planning the THEIR trips. The application is very user- Friendly. After setting up the app WITH using your Gmail ...

Afterwards , it has six predominant ...

Firstly, reservation shows you THE TRAVELLERS the flight, A hotel and car (...) collected into your THEIR account.
Thirdly, day plans PLANNING DAYS help arranging TO ARRANGE itineraries. Fourthly, food & drink APPLICATION gives you THE HOLIDAY MAKERS THE basic information ...
... categorized to provide THE transportation information included ING the costs.

Note: You are supposed to distinguish when using gerund and to infinitive.

Writing Feedback / Summary Article: Russia stresses importance of cyber-security cooperation with Indonesia [2]

Hi Ibal.
I am delighted to read your summary because you have shown the better progress. One having to be remembered is making you sure that what you write is what you mind. Sometimes, there actually need a gerund, but you place TO INFINITIVE. please, meet my notes and deal with them

A top Russian diplomat said (...) for International citizenS,(Don't forget putting a comma if those have different subjects) and it needs a ...
To increase INCREASING the cooperation between ...
He said that THE government has to take a part to tackle the increasing A RISE FOR THE number of terrorismS.
... used continuously by terroristS and all organised ...
... action to combat and destroy the endeavour of terrorism activities.

OVERALL, IT IS A GOOD JOB

Writing Feedback / Some think that foreign language better to be taught since elementary school rather than high school [2]

Hi Fauziyah.
These below are my view focusing on the contents of your writing
Hopefully, they can help you to improve your essay.
Good LUCK
^_^
IT IS ARGUED CONTROVERSIALLY BY Some people think that foreign SECOND language IS better to be taught since ...
People THEY have the different view about this statement MATTER.

To begin, THE foreign language is (...) due to the fact that technology was growing up rapidly and using International language.(This is out the topic. it does not relate to the reason why the foreign language has the advantages when it is taught in the elementary school. You tended to explain the reason why people have to learn English)

Secondly, according to the sentence [...] accustomed with the foreign language. (Please, you look the statement closely. You are gonna find micro keywords of the prompts. Honestly, almost all are out the topic. If you commit that again, believe me your score will fall down)



Actually, both have the same meaning. You should not separate them. Those can be made in unity. It will make your opinion stronger.

Writing Feedback / TED Summary: What it Takes to be a Great Leader by Roselinde Torres [2]

Hi Yonathan..
These below are my thoughts towards your summary. I really hope you can review those and avoid the same mistakes.

... spend about 25 years observingTO OBSERVE many companies stated ...
It means that manyA LARGE NUMBER OF(avoid repetition of the word "many") companies had failed ...
The 21st centuries leaders must BE able to answer ...
This question explained EXPLAINS (this is a fact so that you should harness the simple present tense) about what the leaders ...
This question explained EXPLAINS about the capacity of ...
... leaders are brave enough to beCOME different.

Writing Feedback / The free movement, is it necessary for economy or not? [2]

Hi Lincoln.
In this meeting with you, I only focus on contents of your essay. Please, meet my notes and deal with them.


SOME ARE LIKELY TO STATE FREE TRADE
Actually "have a tendency" and "BE likely to" virtually have the same meaning. However, you should order the word more proper. Its way is rereading your sentence. Make sure yourself whether that is proper or not.


when you wanna paraphrase statements of the question, you must do it totally. You did not include the first opinion of people.


Be careful of the prompts in the question. You should not directly seem your position in the statement because the task response asks you to discuss two opinions. You are supposed to focus reviewing the reason why the matter can raise the economics and beat the local products. Because the prompt also asks your opinion personally, you can display at the last sentence in the body paragraph.


The example of countries which you mean should be mentioned to strengthen your opinion. It is going to seem the layman's opinion.


you should mention the point of the second opinion, the economic growth. After that, you reveal the reason why can raise the economics pace. Actually, you have had the reason, but you have to demonstrate that with the better flow so that readers know its topic idea.


As we know, the question does not ask you to explain advantages and disadvantages. It will make you out of your topic.

Keep Fighting
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Social networking is the leading cause why individuals are losing interaction among family members [2]

Hi Ilmy.
I am pleased to read your essay because you have understood about the systematic of the essay.
In this moment, I focus on contents of your essay. Meet my notes and deal with them.


the Internet is undoubtedly beneficial BECAUSE they can
(Use proper words to describe what you mind)

You forget to paraphrase the statement that Internet-based social networking sites have a detrimental mental. A closer look at your essay reveals you directly enter in the thesis statement, whereas it is one of edges in the topic.


This has a bad flow. You should finalize your sentence to make it smoother.
MORE INSENSITIVE IN THE REALITY. THE EFFECT CAN BE OBVIOUSLY SEEN IN AN ACCIDENT IN KOREA WHERE BONG SEON HWA AS A YOUNG MOTHER.....
Make sure yourself that it is like in your mind


HOWEVER, THE SOCIAL NETWORKING WEBSITES ARE HARNESSED BY A LARGE NUMBER OF STUDENTS TO MAKE A VIDEO CONFERENCE SO THAT THEY CAN KEEP IN TOUCH WITH THEIR FAMILIES EASILY.


You should mention the disruptions what you meant and explained in the body paragraph although those are only describe by one-two words.

OVERALL, IT IS A GOOD JOB

Writing Feedback / The pie charts gives information of survey result in 2005 and 2009 about employee and their bosses [2]

Hi Andika.
These are my thoughts for your writing


THEIR RELATIONSHIPS (BE CAREFUL OF MISSPELLING)


OVERALL, IT CAN BE SEEN THAT THE RELATIONSHIP AMONGST WORKERS HAD BEEN BETTER IN A 5-YEAR PERIOD. FURTHERMORE, AN INCREASE FOR THE LEVEL OF THE EMPLOYEES NOT HAVING THE SUPERVISOR IS MORE THAN FOR THE WORKER WITHOUT THE COLLEAGUE.

(You should make 2 sentences for the overview)

Writing Feedback / Ted Summary: The Single Biggest Reason Why Startups Succeed [2]

These are my few suggestions for your summary

There are some findings INVENTIONS by Bill Gross about what makes companies succeed the most SUCCESSFUL, what factors ...
He did CONDUCTED a survey of 100 idelab companies and 100 non-idealab (...) what THE factors ... The result is the number one thing was Timing.(You should rewrite this because it makes readers confused)

... 42% of the difference between THE success and failure. Team came in second, the Idea actuallycame(Keep in your mind that each sentence only has one main verb) in third and the last ...

The conclusion from this findings THESE INVENTIONS are for all startups that WHEN THEY want to success, OWNERS have to do the best ...
THAT METHOD IS HARNESSED to really look at whether (...) the companies SO THAT THEY have to offer them.

Writing Feedback / Article Summary - Hurricane Matthew Makes Landfall in Haiti [3]

Hello Fadhil.
when you summarize an article or a video, you should give an introduction sentence about resource where you take it.
These are my thoughts for your summary

The Hurricane Matthew, which categorizeD as 4 type storm ...
... maximum speed of 145 mph, . FOLLOWING THAT, IT BRINGS where bring about 15-25 inches of rain...
... made the East Coast beaches in A hazardous condition.
... a report ABOUT victimS of tornadoes at least three people.

Writing Feedback / The new developed ink can be used to 3D-print flexible bone implants in any size, shape and form [2]

Hello Yonathan
These below are my thoughts towards your summary. Hopefully, that can help you significantly.
Check it out
GOOD LUCK

The newly(You have to distinguish between forms of adjective and adverb) developed ink can be used ...
... developed an ink that can be UTILIZED TO 3D-printed into bone (...), allowing THE surgeons to cut and manipulate them to SO THAT IT CAN(Make sure what you write is what you mind) form the perfect shape.

.., a mineral found naturally in bine THE BONE, and PLGA, . (You should place period here, not comma. It is better if you reread your summary before you upload so that you can reconstruct better. You have to find the better flow) THAT IS a polymer that binds ...

The team also made an THE implant to heal an ...
Shah says SAID the material should reach ...

Writing Feedback / Article Summary: Guardian; Cath Kidston to expand in Asia after Hong Kong firm's takeover [2]

Hi.
Please, check my notes. Hopefully, it can help you to improve your knowledge.
GOOD LICK

The fashion brand which is(You should omit that here) renowned by its floral pattern, (...) to expand after its IT IS(NEVER EVER EVER USE CONTRACTION IN THE FORMAL WRITING) takeover by Hong Kong'S investment firm hiring ...

Besides THAT, last week the firm collaborated (...) Winnie the Pooh, and these new products ...
The company are IS (VERB AGREEMENT) totally entering a new stage (...) to increase its profit.(Don't forget to place comma because it has a different subject) and this year has been ...

... the collaboration products with Disney which is launched in stores this month.
Note: Sometimes , you should harness omitting technic to make it more various.

Writing Feedback / Free trade across countries. Tuesday, October 4, 2016 [3]

Hi Erwin..
these below are my suggestions for your essay. Hopefully, my notes can help you

others argue that free trade threatens local industries, both small, medium, and large industries(It's not essential)


The thesis statement is one or two sentences which describe what you are gonna explain in the body paragraph. Each opinion can be presented by one or two words so that readers can get description briefly.


EACH COUNTRY HAS A PRODUCT CHARACTERISTIC DISTINGUISHING.....
(you should harness words appropriately to describe what you mind.)


THE FREE TRADE MAKES PRICES OF IMPORTED GOODS CHEAPER.
(You should review difference between use of cause and make)


(Avoid repetition. You harness word "cause" more times.)


(verb Agreement... A DISASTER THAT LEDS TO.. You explain a fact if you should the present tense)

Writing Feedback / Nowadays, young people need guidance from adults. Should they take a job before go to university? [2]

Hi Andika..
Please, check my notes to improve your skill.
^_^


I do not know whether that is the hook or not. However, if that is, you actually failed to order your mind. Your hook cannot guide well to the statement. Therefore, be careful of determining the hook.


Honestly, your thesis statement was out of the topic. before you step so far, please you pay attention to the prompt of the statement or question. That are going to help to describe your opinion in the edge of the topic. The question asks you to review advantages and disadvantages when people take a job. you have to be more aware about the prompts..


When you wanna demonstrate an example, you have to explain clearly and totally. It seemed like a layman's opinion because it is less strong. This is an essay so that you have to construct scientifically.


You can review your opinion with using the listing method. The supporting sentence have to be included to strengthen your mind. It is very important to reach the high score.

Note: There are a lot of misspellings. As we know, that is one of major mistakes in writing the essay. Keep in your mind to reread your essay before uploading. Besides that, you should read the example od writing task 2 to get the sense of the essay. It is so far from criterias of the essay.

I really believe you can master for this skill. You only need providing more time to parcatice again and again
Keep Spirit
GOOD LUCK
:D

Writing Feedback / Human bones can by recreated in laboratory nowadays. [2]

Hi Ifan..
Here are my thoughts throws your summary.

As Intellegent INTELLIGENT society, researchers have utterly (...) dangerous diseaseS including Diabetes, cancer, even THE heart disease.
Regarding to Molly Stevens, A head of A bio-material laboratory, (...) are A great number of bio-materials (...) adapted to the other partS. Compare COMPARING to man-made substance, (...),THE bio-moterial MATERIAL has much more adaptable. Initiaded INITIATED by S.H. Ridley, (...) the exceptionally (ADJECTIVE AND NOUN ARE A PAIR) element within the eye (...) it becomes intramocular INTRAMOLECULAR lense as known as PMMA

... tried to find A substitution of bone for fracture (...) iliac crest has AS potential to be integrated to THE other partS of the bone ...
Hence, they developed y applyibone bng many strategy(Pay Attention to your spelling) and finally they got ...
The method has slightly the same as stem cell principle.

Note: Hopefully, before you upload yours, you are supposed to reread. There are plenty of misspellings.
Happy Writing

Writing Feedback / An Article Summary: Climate Change Could Destroy Wild Relatives of Cereals By 2070 [3]

Hi Miss Fitri.
These below are my thoughts.

... foods such as wheat and rice.(you should place period here. You successfully create the complex sentence, but you do not make it over sine it can break your flow) which provide half (...) by humans, to survive from (...), especially THE rapid climate change. The(you are able to use "THE" because you did not yet mention previously.) researchers then initiate (...) since they have BEEN not able to make A certain statement ...

... adapt to new climatic niches, IN the restricted (...) continue to exist,. thus, moving them to more appropriate ...
... due to the estimation that the predicted PREDICTING THE rate of climate change (...) the estimated speedat which grasses could adapt to new niches(It's better if you separate) .

AsIn conclusion, John Wiens emphasizes THAT "This has several troubling ...

OVERALL, IT IS A GOOD JOB

Writing Feedback / Differences in rates of various evening courses at an adult education center [3]


ATTENDED BY FEMALE AND MALE MEMBERS .... .


MEN PREFER JOINING THE PAINTING CLASS TO OTHER ACTIVITIES(Avoid repetition)


APART FROM THAT, A CLOSER LOOK REVEALS THAT THE COURSE WAS DOMINATED BY THE PARTICIPANTS OF THE AGE GROUP OF 50 OR MORE THAN.


TURNING TO THE BAR CHART, THE HIGHEST NUMBER OF WOMEN GROUP PRIORITIZED TO INCLUDE THE LANGUAGE PROGRAM, REPRESENTING AT 40 MEMBERS. MEANWHILE, A HALF AS MUCH WAS THE NUMBER OF MALE PARTICIPANTS IN THE SAME CLASS. THAT COMPARISON BASED ON THE PROPORTION ALSO HAPPENED IN THE DRAMA ACTIVITY, BUT THE LEVELS OF BOTH THE FORMER AND LATTER WERE A HALF OF THE LANGUAGE'S RATE. THE PAINTING CLASS WAS THE MOST FAVOURITE AMONGST MEN, STATING AT APPROXIMATELY 25 PEOPLE, BUT THE NUMBER OF FEMALE PARTICIPANTS WAS HIGHER BY 5 ADULTS. FINALLY, THE MEN SUCCESSFULLY SURPASSED DOMINATION OF THE FEMALE PARTICIPANTS IN THE COURSE FOR THE CLASS OF SCULPTURE MARKED AT 10 MEMBERS BECAUSE THE FIGURE OF WOMEN ONLY REACHED 50% AS MUCH.

(That above is the paragraph which clearly shows the comparisons of figures. Keep in your mind that your job in writing task 1 is to compare the figures. Actually, you have made the comparisons. However, you are supposed to harness various comparison words.)

Overall, it is a GOOD JOB.
keep spirit
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / It seems that people are very thrifty in regard to expenditures on leisure and education [3]

Hi Vina..
please, you review my thoughts below for your writing.
Hopefully, these can help you to improve your skill.
Keep Spirit
GOOD LUCK
:)


That is not an overview because you only describe information about notice of the table. The overview is a summary of general trends in the table. Besides that, you have to display comparisons amongst the figures. Well, I will offer the example of overview.

OVERALL, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT COSTUMERS OF ALL COUNTRIES ARE MORE LIKELY TO LOCATE THEIR BUDGET TO PURCHASE OF FOOD/DRINK/TOBACCO THAN OTHER CATEGORIES. FURTHERMORE, TURNING TO EACH CATEGORY, CITIZENS OF ITALY SPENT THEIR INCOME MORE THAN THE OTHERS FOR CLOTHING/FOOTWEAR, WHILE OTHER GROUPS OF EXPENDITURE ARE DOMINATED BY COSTUMERS' TURKEY.

.., Turkey and Ireland had HAVE (Owing to not the information about the year, it should be categorised as the fact data so that you are supposed to use simple present) the highest percentage of ...

Turkey also had HAS much higher percentage of (...), while THE consumer'S expenditure on clothing/footwear was IS significantly higher ...

It can be seen that Sweden had HAS the lowest percentage of ...
Spain had HAS slightly THE higher figure for this ...

Writing Feedback / TED summary: How does my brain work? [2]

Hi Fauziyah..
These below are my thoughts towards your summary. Please, check it out..
^_^

... parking area AND then we walk into the (...) to remember A LOCATION where isthe THAT car.
THE Brain made by IS COMPOSED BY a hundred billion neurons. THE Neurons communicate with each ...
There is a brain research with A rat, that shows SHOWING the way OF THE brain remembers TO REMEMBER. THE Brain cells illustratedin the picture with colors. When a THE rat was put into the box and let IT moveS around to looking for food, THE cells show something ...

but HOWEVER, when DISTANCE BETWEEN the box expands AND the fire location are expanded. In a border puts into the box, fire sort (...) where the border LOCATED. There are A few cells consistING THE boundary cells, place ...

The brain will make a THE map of a place ...
... every boundary, the more spacious a location ... We could people to COULD remember a way or ...

Writing Feedback / A step that we can do to avoid the bad habit [2]

Hi Aris Indra..
These are my thoughts towards your summary.

First of all, he talked that humans PEOPLE (Actually, humans and people have the same meaning. However, you should avoid using humans if there is an explanation about plants or animal. Human, plants, and animals are the unity. It is about the collocation) have A tendency to do act...

... because they consider about ITS effectS sides such us obesity and ...
... because of some reasons like THE taste and daily need.
... to near what they are supposeD to be prohibition because it gives a big curiosity THAT why I have to ...
As the result, many A LARGE NUMBER OF people are attracted to try THE harmful action. Many school children A GREAT NUMBER OF STUDENTS, for example, smoke(...) been restricted as IT provideS many drawbacks ...

This method does not avoid HELP people to do AVOID something bad instead.
For example, people can try ciggarette CIGARETTE if they want.
In this case, people tend to ARE LIKELY TO (Avoid repetition) state that smoking is ...
People have changed their knowladge KNOWLEDGE to be MORE wisdom and it is going to beCOME guidline GUIDELINE for making THE better life.

OVERALL, YOU HAVE SHOWN THE BETTER PROGRESS
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Summary TED: Our natural sleep cycle is nothing like what we do now [3]

Hi Ibal.
These below are suggestions to finalize your summary. Hopefully, all can help you.
GOOD LUCK

When you wanna summarize contents of a video, you should present an introduction sentence to make the resource of information clear.

That ACTIVITY is not only for a human ...
... and become the cycle in their live LIFE.
.., since the activities did DONE every single day can it help them to do LIVE continuously the next day.
... can manage them to goin g sleep or just to take a rest. Nonetheless, some people who ARE productive in a job feelslike confused because they don't DO NOT(NEVER EVER EVER WRITE CONTRACTION IN THE FORMAL WRITING) have enough time to sleep. For people who live in the equator has HAVE THE equal time in a ...

To sum up, people have a THE natural sleep cycle, thus,

Writing Feedback / SUMMARY TED 4 - HOW THE BRAIN PERFORMS UNDER STRESS [2]

Hi Rosa..
These are my thoughts for your summary. I really hope these can help you. GOOD LUCK

When someone is under pressure, the brain emits (...) cortisol, . FOLLOWING THAT, THE STRESS ALSO increases the heart rate...
The cortisol itself is a toxic TOXIN for every system in the body, it WHICH shuts up all the ...
... someone's cortisol climbed higher, . (Be careful to locate period and comma). if this THESE conditions happen (...) serious illness such as, type 2 diabetes ...
However, Levitin IS sure THAT there are some methods WHICH can be applied (...) at the time WHERE someone faces A problem or under ...
... that speaker shared is putTING THE system in THE place, which can decrease the bad thing happens HAPPENING such as forgetFULNESS to bring the wallet, cannot NOT findING the reading glasses, or LosSING the keys.

... goods people usually lost, . for example, create CREATING the hangers close TO the enter door at THE home where we can put the keys IS A WAY to ease our brain TO remember THE LOCATION we keep it .

Writing Feedback / The more we talk to others, the more links gets stronger - 7 Ways to Make Conversation With Anyone [5]

Hi Dioba..
These are my thoughts for what you wrote. Hopefully, these below can help you.
GOOD LUCK

(You are supposed to introduce the video which you reviewed to ease readers who wanna get the information about the link) .
Every time WHAT we talked with someone IS WHAT we never know before PREVIOUSLY, BECAUSE THAT IS a tiny link is formed (make you sure that what you write is what is in your mind) .

.., the more links gets stronger. In every conversation constructS THE new links. THE Conversation is AN interesting process. The benefits of this process are establishING a connection, process learnING THE PROCESS OF something new, gives GIVING a whole new perspective ...

Malavika Varadan, a radio presenter, she has a THE conversation with (...) that she HAS never seen every morning. She suggests ED some advice about how to make THE conversation with anyone. First, word floodgates, itS is means said MEANING IS THAT first word in the ...

Second, she suggestED TO skip the small talk.
Third, findING something that us WE and ANother person might have in common. Furthermore, THE LAST STEP IS give GIVING a unique impression and askING for a notion.

Writing Feedback / TED Summary: The Prison of your Mind by Sean Stephenson [2]

Hello Yonathan
These are my vantage points to finalize your summary. Review my notes and deal with them
GOOD LUCK
:D

... believe every prediction that doesn't DOES NOT (NEVER EVER EVER HARNESS CONSTRUCTION IN THE FORMAL WRITING) empower them, . THAT REASON APPEARS BECAUSE Sean himself EVER predicted by many ...

... he said THE pity is the most dangerous drugs in the world that , WHICH would totally frozen FREEZE your potential. Being disable does not mean THAT you are literally disableD PERSON, but the real disability is THE refusal to adapt. Adaptable in every conditions giveS US many chances for you to learn with new environment ...

The last, you must bullying yourself with many A LARGE NUMBER OF (You should make it various, MANY/ A GREAT NUMBER/ A LARGE NUMBER/ PLENTY OF) negative predictions, ABOUT opinions that ...

The best thing to doNE is love yourself in every conditions and love everyone because everybody needS to be loved

Writing Feedback / Some people believe that healthy life implementation is easy to be started [2]

Hi Russell.
Let me help you to finalize your essay. In this moment, I only focus on your contents in the essay. Please, check it out.


You should not harness "and" because you wanna describe something contradictive.
..............even now it has done by some people. BY CONTRAST, THERE IS AN OPINION THAT healthy lifestyle is not that easy to be implemented......

Turning to your thesis statement, you should mention reasons why people encourage the first and second opinion briefly. It can give general description what you review in the body paragraph. That can be represented by one or two words.

keeping fit by taking an exercise everyday EVERY DAY are IS AN easy things

In the first body paragraph, you offer the opinion, but there were not supporting sentences strengthening yours. Apart from that, you explain effects of the healthy life " they get, such as prevent obesity, food addictive, and food poisoning" although it is not essential information and did not encourage your mind.

Hopefully, those can improve your essay..
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Three goods exported from Someland in the past, and the future measured in billion dollars. [2]

Hi Eka..
In this time, I focus on your contents solely. Actually, this is a good job, but I wanna give you a few suggestions to enhance your score.


I feel there is an odd situation. That is an overview, but you describe the period detailed. Following that, why you only mentioned the condition in 2015 whereas meat products also dominated in 2005. You should find the other general situation. It can be represented like this

ALL COMMODITIES EXPORTED TO OTHER COUNTRIES HAVE INCREASED SIGNIFICANTLY. HOWEVER, THERE IS AN ODD CIRCUMSTANCE WHERE A SECTOR OF INTERNATIONAL TOURISM IN A PROJECTION IS GOING TO SHOW A SMALL DECLINE.


I remember that I ever told you about the prompt of the writing task1. In this matter, your job is to compare the figures relevant. You cannot describe them separately. Turning to the first body paragraph, it is clear that you only review about one figure. That seemed that you play safely. It doesn't matter if you do that, However, you cannot reach the score more than 6.

I hope these can help you. You should review my notes and make it alarm for you when you write task 1. My point is that you have to have a bravery to compare.

Keep Fighting..
GOOD LUCK
:D

Writing Feedback / THE NUMBER OF FOREIGN STUDENTS HAD INCREASED SIGNIFICANTLY AND IT HAD BEEN DOMINATED BY MALE. [4]

Hi Fauziyah.
Let me help you to finalize your writing. Please, meet my note and deal with them.


Actually, that is not an overview because you only tell information about difference of the bar. The overview is a summary of the information describing the general trend. I will give you an example of the overview.

OVERALL, IT CAN BE SEEN THAT THE NUMBER OF FOREIGN STUDENTS HAD INCREASED SIGNIFICANTLY AND IT HAD BEEN DOMINATED BY MALE.

... while the lowest number in 2010 WAS around 30 percent.
... International students had dramatically THE lower RATE than native students.
... studying abroad HAD increased steadily from less ...

... country had increased MARKEDLY from less than 25 (...) highest proportion at REPRESENTING AT approximately 43 percent.
... International male students climbed CONSIDERABLY from 20 percent in 2010 ... (to make it more clear, you are supposed to include verb with adverb)

Note: In the writing task 1, if you wanna the high score, you have to make comparisons amongst the figures. You cannot describe the data separately because our job is to compare them.

I really believe you can improve your skill on condition that you wanna provide much time to practice again and again.
Keep spirit.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / About thirty per cent of travellers each year choose learning programs to be their holiday purposes. [2]

Hi Rizaldo..
Actually, your summary is a good job. However, let me finalize this.

... common for all layer of age is a trip that enjoy ENJOYING(You should conduct reducing here to make this variation) a different kind
Next, travellers who go to Britain, they can enrol in courses at residential colleges that contain CONTAINING THE activities from ...
These are just a few exampleS of the many ...
This program must SHOULD be more economical than ...
... ability rather than just have HAVING fun in the traditional vacation.

Note: this is free of the macro errors grammatically. I only hope you can make yours more various. You can modify your word, using omitting or

reducing.
keep fighting
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Summary News from BBC: Aid reaches Madaya and other besieged towns [2]

Hello Pizarro..
Welcome to Essay Forum. I am delighted to tell you that you have been the right medium to improve your written skill. Let me help you to finalize.

Actually, before you describe contents of your summary, you should display an introduction sentence about its resource. For example
THIS SUMMARY IS EXTRACTED FROM AN ORIGINAL ARTICLE ON BBC.COM IN 2016 ABOUT....................

... has been sent to four besieged regionS in Syria.

According to the international comitte COMMITTEE of the Red Cross, the emergent aid...

... children and many civilianS who have been suffering (...) after a deadly attack to ON the convoy.

NOTE:
I cannot offer a large number of suggestions because you have not passed requirement of a good paragraph. Keep in your mind that each good paragraph has at least 3 sentences. Honestly, almost all paragraph only consist of one sentence. When you wanna construct the summary, you have to remember essential elements in the summary. First, you illustrate the resource where you take the article. After that, you explain the content of the article. To strengthen your description, you are supposed to iinclude the supporting sentences. You don't give detailed information which can appear the question. It is important to note that you can explain the elements (What, Why, When, Who, Where, and How).

I really believe you can master this skill on condition that you wanna provide much time to practice more and more.
Keep Fighting
Happy writing.