Writing Feedback / Writing test exercise for ielts; the number of trips to and from UK increased every year 1979-1999 [3]

Hi Resa, before I provide you a few feedbacks, I would like to WELCOME you to the Essay Forum Family, here, we aim at providing you with the most accurate feedback and constructive criticism in order for you to strengthen your essay and to let you discover how to approach the prompt or the writing project better.

Having said that, as this is an analysis essay, I suggest that you include the chart that you are trying to analyze as this is the main source of the information and the only way we can determine that you are being accurate with your analysis.Nevertheless, I would like to share a few insights that will enhance your sentences.

- trips ofthat foreign visitors come to the UK
- and from the UK were increase every year.
- who visited to the UK were fewerlesser than the number
- and the number and increased nearly three times higher
- for aboutat 29 million in 1999.
- While the number of visits from the UK in 1979 were
- of visits to the UK.
- aboard were grew up so fast reach aboutspiked to 51 million.
- Between 1984 and 1989 there areis a point of the year that shows (...) visits to and from the UK.

There you have it Resa, I hope the above remarks help you in your revision and for future writing reference, mind the missing linking verbs in your sentences such as the, that, this, it completes the sentence and without it the sentence is not complete.

Writing Feedback / A personal interest cannot be the predominant reason to choose an occupation. [2]

HI Lincoln, here's another one from my end.

- To find a work you love, don't ...

- After a research conducted, itA research conducted recently, revealed that the number of
- will lead to being successful ,
- percent will be failed and
- it wasis known that personal interest

There you have it Lincoln, there's not much to look into or to modify in this particular summary essay, however, for future writing reference, mind the logical content of the essay, don't go behind the idea, you have to go in sequence, this will ensure that you are able to summarize the essay in a way that the events are logically explained, therefore it will be more comprehensive.

I hope to review more of your essays soon and keep writing.

Writing Feedback / The number of train and other transportations increased steadily over the 15 years period from 1985 [2]

Hi Ivan, below are my thoughts on your analysis.

- in miles in England for 1985 to 2000 areis shown
- of kinds of transportation using fuel increased
- while the carswas transportation modes used withtravelled the largest distance.

- travellingtraveled by foot and bicycle
- while the number of local buses fell almost
- a half of the number in the beginning of the period.
- In contrastOn the contrary , the trend for
- Cars , which is the transportation
- almost 1600 while taxiand taxi's only grew by around 30% .

There you have it Ivan, as I go through the essay, I was looking for the uniformity of your unit of measurement and should you use percentage, you can either go for the symbol or the word itself which can work in both ways but you can present the analysis better if it has uniform symbol.

Writing Feedback / (Summary Article) This Is the World's Most Expensive City for Expatriates [3]

Hi Alfin, once again a very short summary essay, well, summaries are not meant to be long, however, the shorter the summary, the higher the risk of understanding is and your readers might not totally understand the idea you are trying to convey and that is not a good summary essay.

Remember, write the essay with the 3 most important parts, the introduction, the body and the conclusion, unless this is not covered, then the essay will not be complete.

Having said that, please find a few modifications below;
- Recently, t he company named Mercer
- which usually surveysabout the most expensive
- city in the world, launched a new rank regarding that .
- The living cost in there was tremendously expensive
- found that the price of coffee in
- Hongkong is approximately $8, twice as much as London ($4.40) and Tokyo ($4.00).

There you have it Alfin, I would love for you to add more proof as to Hongkong being the most expensive place to visit for tourist. Overall, it's a good start and additional information will help strengthen your summary essay.

Writing Feedback / People are now able to get communication or information effectively without thinking of distance [2]

Hi Nuraini, as I go over your essay, I would not lie that most of the sentences you constructed in this essay are quiet confusing, which is normal for a good learner, the good thing is, we can still improve the essay and this where your Essay Forum Family plays a big role.

Having said that, please find suggested modifications below;

- AsWith the impact of modern technology,
- people are able to get communicationto communicate better and getor information quickly and effectively
- without thinking oftaking a distance.
- However, others argue that the improvement
- differences of cultures .
- in the second nationnotion since
- as far as I consider technology helped some community - (...) its unique capability to link people and machines .
- This essay will firstdiscussprove thathow technology

- Culture is that havelivedexist in a community ...

There you have it Nuraini, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision.
For future writing reference, mind the construction of your sentences.

Writing Feedback / Travelling methods in England for two different years [2]

Hi Nuraini, below are my thoughts on your analysis essay.

- which are 1985 and 2000 respectively ,
- number of all the modes of transportation in the route saw a significant rise.

- Look at the details , for personal travel methods,
- such as walking, bicycle, and car,it witnessed a different trend.
- While a car could spend 3,
- taking a distance by fool - I'm not sure what you mean by this phrase, please, please specify.

- and bicycle use steadily declined steady .
- Walking, experienced a few decrease

There you have it Nuraini, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and I have left the last paragraph for you to practice your editing skills and I hope you follow through with the modifications.

Writing Feedback / Traveloka now provides option to book non-economy flights [2]

Hi Muhamad, kindly find a few suggestions for your summary essay.

- Online travel site agency which known as Traveloka
- consumers can book business or
- with setting upan accessible app - on its Smartphone application for Android and iOS usagesgadgets .
- When you're looking for the flights,
- customers arewill have more convenience to
-CEO Ferry Unardi - office's CEO - stated that, this improvement will
- make moregive consumers
- easierthe ease to personalize their travel plans.

There you have it Mauhamad, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and for future writing reference, mind the linking verbs as well the association of the words in your sentences.

Writing Feedback / The division of students who attend in four different kinds of junior high school between 2000-2009 [2]

Hi Refalda, as this is my first time to write a review on your essay, I would like to WELCOME you to the Essay Forum Family, here, we aim to provide you with the most effective and accurate feedback that will help you enhance your writing project. An objective criticism that will assist you in creating a stronger essay.

Having said that, when writing an analysis, it will do you good if you have the graph or the representation of the analysis, included in your essay as this will be our basis to ensure the accuracy of your analysis.

Moving forward, I would like to suggest a few modification that will strengthen your sentences.

- The table depicts about the division
- Overall, the percentages of Specialist Schools
- in three years ( , 2000, 2005, and 2009), respectively .
- it was defeated by Community Schools.

There you have it Refalda, this is just the beginning of the modifications and as mentioned, when you can, please attach the diagram or the graph.

I look forward to it.

Writing Feedback / (summary) Google Translate AI invents its own language to translate with [2]

Hi Meireza, here's another one from my end.

- There is improvingan improvement in the ability of google to translate language .
- Now, it becomesIt became smarter.
- Neural translation technology can already do a good job
- forfrom simple texts.

There you have it Meireza, overall, this particular summary has been well composed, just a few modifications to be done as shown above and for future writing reference, try to practice this, read your sentences out loud and when you think or hear your sentences and something or some parts of the sentence doesn't seem to sound good, this means the re is something wrong with the construction and therefore, you have to take action, the best example for this is the first sentence in this summary and as you can see, it looks a lot better and it compliments the idea that you are trying to convey to the readers. Keep writing.

Writing Feedback / There were several improvements in industrial and facility sectors in Lakeside between 2000 and 2009 [2]

Hi Mardian, below are a few direct suggestions to strengthen your essay.

- two picturesdiagrams .
- in the industrial and facility sectors.

- To begin with, numerous differences were occurred in the northwest
- side of the imageslandscape .
- Firstly , in 2000 thereit was a derelic warehouse,
- nevertheless it was changed into a car park in 2009.
- Furthermore, the old town had been shiftedconverted
- into offices and university in 2009
- which was located in the north side of the school.
- Afterwards, inIn 2000,
- experienced an art centre was built , while in 2009 showed cinema,
- is deletedwas destroyed .
- Lastly, a shopping centre was ...

There you have it Mardian, this direct correction approach is done in order for you to see and change the sentences and strengthen them before you submit the analysis.

Writing Feedback / Several changes in an industrial complex, an artificial lake, and public places in Lakeside [3]

Hi Septia, here's another one from my end.

- A comparison of the changes in the Lakeside
- in anthe industrial complex, an artificial lake,

- and replacing ana residential area
- wasis located alongside the river
- that flows into the lake before
- it already swifted into ashifts to the pond that based

- a residential area and had altered into a parking
- there werewas an office buliding and
- Then, move to the eat, where anMoving forward to the art centre which was built next to school
- had swiftedbeen shifted into a movie theatre.
- was also changedconverted into a shopping centre.

There you have it Septia, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and I left the last paragraph for you to practice your editing skills, I hope you follow though.

Writing Feedback / The information about how the wave strength is utilized to yield current [2]

Hi Nur, as I go through the analysis, I noticed that you are playful with the words that you associate in your analysis and most of your essays too, this actually brings a lot of advances to you and your writing, however, as good as it seems, make sure that the focus of the essay or the analysis in this matter, should still be in the main frame or the idea.

Having said that, I have a few suggestions to further modify your essay.

- A breakdown of the information about howon the wave
- revealed byin the two diagrams.
- generated byin a two way of process
- using air from wave sea waves direction and

- ..., it needs a column, turbine, chamber,
- and a lamp as the equipment.
- between a cliff and seathe body of the sea ,

There you have it Nur, I hope you continue to evolve in your writing and never be afraid to discover different approach in writing.

Writing Feedback / Article Summary : Topic : Technology- Space telescope duo will showcase the solar system in 3D [2]

Hi Sarlinda, I hope the suggested revisions below will help out.

- that is increasingly sophisticated,
- After all,it had been long since
- people are so curious about the landscape space.
- tool which is capable of providing
- a space standpoint that is sharper, vivid and clear
- According to the latest news,
- with the tool was first released that (...), are - confident that we will be able to create
- not be curious anymore with the real picture
- of the nature ofour space.
- space that sois fascinating to watchand interesting to learn .

There you have it Sarlinda, I hope the above remarks are valuable to your revision.For future writing reference, mind the linking verbs as you tend to miss them in your sentences.

Writing Feedback / A structure of the electricity production, based on waves as a power source. [2]

HI Ifra, I would like to share a few enhancements for your analysis revision.

- needs athe turbine to spin

- Initially,the column and the chamber
- the electricityelectrical power system.
- It can be located on a cliff or at aby the sea wall
- to make an easy operation when the waves' airair waves comes to the turbine.
- by the air to move into the chamber.
- SecondlyNext , the air comes ...
- and the turbine which is rotated in a
- the waves' air creates the electricity.

With the word "waves", you don't have to put an apostrophe, "waves" is the plural form of the word "wave", I know that you know this already, however, a good reminder does a lot of good in your writing.

Writing Feedback / A comparison of systems that can be used to produce electricity by wave power ... [2]

Hi Meireza, below are my suggestions to enhance your analysis.

First paragraph
- by wavespower is shown in the diagrams.
- In general, both systems use the same equipments
- whichthat blowsfrom under and above the turbine.

Second paragraph
-To begin with, in picture A,shows the chamber
- is located beside a cliff or sea wall.
- The flow of the air and its pressure

Third paragraph
- On the other hand, on another picture, the flow of the air comes abovefrom the top of the turbine.

There you have Meireza, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision.
The focus of editing your essay is in the sentence construction, the linking verbs as well as the words you associate in your essay. Keep writing.

Writing Feedback / A breakdown of the structure and processes that are used to produce electricity [2]

Hi Wily, here's another approach to your analysis.

- is revealed byin the two diagrams.
- ... seen that the waves and tides are used to ...
- the ebb structure - what is an EBB structure?

- needed in processingthis process ,
- the main re source is the waves .
- Firstly , the wave gets inside the chamber
- and makes angives air pressure
- that rotates the turbine that ...
- it has alreadyis ready to be used.

There you have it Wily, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision. This analysis is well composed, however, it will do a lot of good if you work more on your logical input and the series of analysis should be dissected first then you give the overall perspective of the diagram.

Essays / Views on issues that you might be passionate about or have academic thought on | IB DP Scholarship [3]

Hi Annisa,first of all, it's with open arms that we are WELCOMING you to the Essay Forum Family, we hope that you find this website to helpful and even more so valuable to your writing projects, we aim to provide you with the most accurate and credible feedback that will enhance your essay and you will be able to submit it with confidence.

The prompt is pretty much asking you to write what you want to do and what interests you the most, something that will let you feel fulfilled without feeling exhausted in doing so. Having said that, you can write something about a hobby, something that you want to pursue academically and maybe something that will eventually lead to professional progress and success.

While you're at it, mind the rules of the English language, don't forget the minor details such as the punctuation marks, the linking verbs as well as all the other points specially the construction of the sentences as this will have an overall effect on the outcome of the essay.

I hope to review the draft essay soon.

Undergraduate / "My brother to my left, My brother my right. Together we stand, Together we fight." [4]

Hi Mathew, as this is the first time I will review your essay, I would like to WELCOME you to the Essay Forum Family, here, we strive to provide you with the most effective review in order to give your essay that much needed enhancement.

Having said that, I would like to tackle first things first.

Title: "My brother to my left, My brother my right. Together we stand, Together we fight."

Suggestion: Brothers, Together we stand - Together we fight.

The prompt: It says, to write an essay about yourself, therefore, the main idea of the essay should be focused on yourself and not to events that transpired between you and your brothers, this may be a good idea to include anything that keeps you going like the bond that you have with your brothers, however, you have to make sure that a huge part of the essay should be talking about you and you alone as this is what is asked of you to write. One more thing, you have come this far and I believe you have more stories to tell than this essay and when yo do the revision, make sure to get that sense of you and get you story out there, it would be great to read on.

Writing Feedback / The "housing" category in United States had higher proportion of expenditure than others [3]

Hi Wily, I would like to share a few suggestions for you to improve this analysis.

- A Comparison of the proportion ofbetween five
- main subjects in expendituressubjects in four different countries,
- covered by percent in 2009 and is measured in percentage is revealed in ...
- Overall, it is immediately apparent that the "housing"
- washas higher proportion of
- expenditures than others ...
- wasis smaller than ...

- ... were two aspects that had percentage offor this expenditure at ...
- in each countriescountry .
- Firstly , Canada and Japan had similar of
- proportion offor the "health care" category
- After that, "clothing"The clothing category in
- Then, Canada that had the percentage
- of expenditure wasthat is one percent
- greater than in The United Kingdom at 6%(six percent) .

There you have it Wily, one thing that you need to work with in your sentence construction is the tenses, plural and singular, the unit of measurement that you use should also be observed from the beginning of the analysis until the end.

Writing Feedback / IF CARS COULD TALK, ACCIDENTS MIGHT BE AVOIDABLE [2]

Hi Syukron, I believe this is the first time I will review your essay and before I do, I would like to WELCOME you to the Essay Forum Family, once again and I hope you will follow through with the suggested modifications.

First stop, this essay summary is quiet confusing, the words that you associate to form your sentences didn't seem to add up, therefore, please find a few suggestions below;

- Driver isDriving can be dangerous ,
- with the people who doare not concern
- or regardless about truly concentrationare not able to concentrate on the road while driving .
- the carCar accidents is the leading of death
- cause ,at 75%
- of car accidents in peoplewith an age group from 16 or 19 in
- The United States but,most of them havehas nothing

- For example,when theThe speaker
- beinggot into a car accident of crasing car infor the first time,
- evenwith a quick and alert mind, she stepped
- on the brake precisely at that time and finally ,the air
- know of what they should want to do
- of imergency conditionin an emergency situation and what their most important to do or prioritizing to
- attendattention on the road and also to avoid
- on thatthe accident,
- sometimes theykeeping going to enjoy the
- comfort of the trip
- but,occasionallythat when they sense something
- is wrong or it was too late
- after they realized it as Inand this results to countless accident,as many drivers say as like " l did not see it camecoming ''

Prompt: IELTS SUMMARY: MONTH IS IF CARS COULD TALK ,ACCIDENTS MIGHTCAN BE AVOIDEDBE AVOIDABLE

There you have it Syukron, as you can see, there's quiet a lot of modification to be done and I hope you follow through with the enhancements and keep writing.

Writing Feedback / Between the 2030 and 2040, the percentage of old people in Japan will rise sharply [2]

Hi Muhamad, below are my suggestions to enhance your analysis.

- A breakdown of the information abouton the
- proportion of the aging people population during
- countries isas illustrated in the line chart.
- the place of the highest onepopulation in the last period.

- a narrowed gap at around 5%.
- in Japan decreasedshowed a decreased ,
- while the elderly people in USA and
- of the old people in Sweden
- overtook the place of the highest onehas increased , - while the proportion of aging people in the USA decreased gradually during the period.

There you have it Muhamad, I hope you follow through with the suggested corrections and for future writing reference, mind the links between the phrases that comprise your sentence.

Writing Feedback / Summary Article - Airbnb launched new service [5]

Hi Alfin, here's another one from my end.

- Airbnb, the company whichthat shook up the - world particularly the hotel industry
- because it has sophisticated apps
- to connecting people who want to traveling to
- for rent to them. R, r ecently, the company introduced
- thea new service called airbnb trips.
- What is that? If previous Airbnb was
- just forto rent their house
- but now it also can also make the owner of the house
- beco me a tour guide or host for client. - Unfortunately, this service is currently implemented only in 12 cities,
- but the company promised it will be launched until 50 cities next year.

There you have it Alfin, a little bit more work needed and keep writing.

Graduate / I am looking for admission in MS in Financial Mathematics. Evaluate my SOP. [9]

Hi Rageeni, I'm not so sure but I have to be honest, it seems like I'm reading your bio, though you talked a little bit of your dream of pursuing the world of finance, this essay is more of a bio, your journey to greater heights of life and family. Now, don't get me wrong, an SOP should contain some information about your life, however, that should not be the focus of the essay.

The focus of the SOP should be your journey towards your academic fulfillment, something that would solidify your pursuit to greater heights of education, this means that the essay should have greater information on your academic journey, your steps in fulfilling this levels and your ultimate goal in the financial world.

Now, I would like to review your revised essay soon and again, focus on your academic portfolio, make sure that they stand out amongst all there is to tell about your life. Keep writing.

Writing Feedback / Cement production with combining all of the materials and how it is used for the building purposes [4]

Hi Nina, below are my thoughts for your analysis.

- withby combining all
- of the materials and how this
- cement is needed in for the building purposes. - to productproduce cement needs
- some complex processes and the
- concentrateconcrete production combines four different materials.

- are c rushed before the powder,
- the result of first stepproduct is then , passed through a mixer.
- Next, the produced powd er passed through a rotating heater.
- Before producing a raw cement materials ,
- the powder has already been heated passed
- on a grinder machine to becomeproduce raw cement.

There you have it Nina, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and I left the last paragraph for you to be able to practice your editing skills and keep writing.

Undergraduate / Tell a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrates your character [3]

Hi Roy, as I go through the prompt, I was hoping that I would be able to read a certain adventure that made you who you are and kept you moving, now, the essay is somehow like that, however, it could've been more straight to the point, more direct and far more solid into one single topic.

What you did however, is that you did a sort of a bio of your life that are quiet rolled up in one full essay, also, the part where you are trying to write a conclusion has not quiet sold a conclusion it was like something that is placed there for the purpose of concluding a certain part of the essay.

While you're doing your revision, mind the presentation of your essay, make sure that there are not a lot of paragraphs in your essay, a maximum of 4 will suffice the entire essay and get your ideas together in one paragraph, the introduction, the body of the essay that will support and back up your introduction and the conclusion that will solidify your ideas and answer the prompt.I hope to review your revised essay soon. Keep writing.

Writing Feedback / The involvement of well-known people in international aid organisations attracts the attention [5]

Hi Kaun, before I present you with a few direct remarks to enhance your essay, I would like to let you know that I may not be able to provide you with an IELTS rate as this is a forum and I'm not a licensed IELTS reviewer, however, when it come to how you managed to answer the prompt, use the proper words in the sentence and how you execute the language, I would give you an 8 out of 10. Now, please find a few suggestions below;

- attracts the attention of thea certain problem. - provides the numerous and positive changes to the society.

- On the one hand, famous people
- purpose of celebrities'( the word "celebrities" does not require an apostrophe as it is the plural form of the word "celebrity" )

- support is a way to enhance their reputations .
- passion or interest in those .
- Moreover, every work in the effort of providing international aid corporations
- and the image of the specific characters concerned. -This change possibly creates a concerned question to the public
- about their motivatesmotivations .

There you have it Kaun, I hope the above remarks are meaningful to your revision and for future writing reference, mind the construction of your sentences and make sure you don't miss on the minor details that completes your sentences.

Writing Feedback / Automatic translation between different languages - is it possible nowadays? [3]

Hi Keith, I believe this is the first time I'm providing my review to your essay and I hope it will be valuable to your revision.

- been invented to assisting human in
- any language to other languages(-this is not necessary as you have established your idea ) .
- However, in my opinion, I believe that it is important to
- whichthat can support us with the

- has onlyone basic function with l
- the conversion function between words,
-but they cannot translate a full sentences without any error.
- The conversion of a sentence is difficult for a robot
- but they are only applied in a certain situation.

There you have it Keith, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and upon completion of the review, I must say, you missed a few linking verbs here and there and though they are minor, it would be good to keep them included in the sentence in order to make sure that the sentence is complete.

Writing Feedback / The government is wasting money on arts? Arts is required to express our thoughts and feelings. [4]

Hi Syeda, thank you for appreciating our work here on EF, we do strive to provide you with the most accurate and comprehensive feedback that will hopefully increase you chances of writing a well managed and well written essay.

The aim is also to engage you into writing, discovering new techniques, new strokes, learning new approach to different forms of writing and eventually getting used to writing your own form of approach to different writing projects.

I would also recommend that you read a lot more often, reading is the only way you can be able to learn new words, see them and know how they are use in the sentences,this will be very beneficial in your essay writing and in general writing as you will get to see this lined up in a sentence. I do hope to review more of your essays soon and keep writing.

Speeches / A farewell speech for a teacher who is leaving [6]

Hi Soha, as this is the first time I'm writing an essay to you, I would like to WELCOME you to the Essay Forum Family, we are growing faster than ever and I hope you find this website to be helpful and even more so useful to your writing projects. We do provide you with the most accurate and comprehensive feedback that will hopefully help you with the revision of your essay.

Moving back to your essay, as much as depressing farewells are, they are the signal one can see and hope as a new beginning, therefore, the farewell speech should leave the person with good memories and not something that will make them think what they've done in their life at school.

What I'm trying to say, be confident with your thoughts to the person leaving, don't say, "I think", say, "I believe", it is always good to hear positive notes but only when the notes are positively written and the inputs are firm, also, address your thoughts to the person leaving and you can say, "on behalf of everybody from this institution, I......", this will have a far more better outcome and will leave a long lasting positive impression.

Writing Feedback / MAKING CHOCOLATE; ten steps process with the pods for raw-chocolate and factory for final production [5]

Hi Nina, yes indeed, it is the diagram that needs to be attached to this particular analysis essay. As mentioned, it is definitely advised for you to include this in the analysis as this will be the basis of your analysis and not only that, it will also be beneficial for you when you do the comparison of the insights and the remarks provided by the contributors.

One thing that is also beneficial when you add the provided graph, it will boost the comprehension of the contributor who's editing and trying to help you out in enhancing your analysis.

Moving forward, I hope you keep writing, try to learn new writing strokes, there's always a lot to learn and a new skill to develop. I would also like you to engage you into habitual reading, this will absolutely help you increase your vocabulary and will eventually be very useful when you write yet another article.

Writing Feedback / Global trade of hybrid vehicles between 2006 and 2009 [4]

Hi Bams, below are my thoughts for this analysis.

- byin the bar chart.
- Overall it can be seen that the US has always
- been the biggest trader
- during the periode except infor the last period.

- In 2007,the rate of trade in the US
- washas the biggest point at 350,000
- it washas a slight increase by 30,000
- in the last period, vehicles sellsales in the
- UsUS was quite similar as the rate in the first period,

- On the other word, both ofFor japan and
- other countries had similar rate in the first year
- that was increased slightly.
- peiode inof 2009.

There you have it Bams, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision.

Essays / Write a tragic autofiction or autobiography witout feeling sad or pathetic without feeling [5]

Hi Gina, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, it's a great feeling to welcome yet another member of this ever growing family. Here at EF, we strive to provide you with the most accurate and objective feedback that will allow you to re-write your essay and boost that confidence in your essay.

Having said that, the topic or the prompt is indeed quiet tough, however, in this cases, one practice that I want to share with you is to understand the prompt properly. if you need to look up each word associated to the prompt, then go ahead, this will ease your understanding of what to write and should allow you to start writing and know exactly what to write.

Moreover, in this kind of writing, see yourself as somebody who is narrating a tragic event in a very monotone and flat voice, this means you will just tell a story but as it is not a personal one or something that did not happen to your, it should not hurt or affect you at all or if it will, as we are just humans, the intensity of the feeling should not be that painful, therefore, you should be able to write and convey your message in a very strong manner.

Writing Feedback / Many consider starting to study a foreign language at primary school better than at high school [3]

Hi Augustin, as this is my first review on your argumentative essay, I would like to WELCOME you to this ever growing family of writers, students and everybody who loves the skill and the art of writing. We hope you find this website to be helpful and even more so, valuable to your writing projects. We do strive to provide you with the most accurate and credible feedback that will hopefully enhance your article and boost your confidence upon submission.

Moving back to your essay, I believe you managed to convey the views that you value in consideration of the topic at hand and this is very crucial to the article, as each views should be discussed objectively, with both views given the same amount of importance, the same examples to back up your arguments.

Overall, the essay is well written, however, you can try to enhance the words that you choose in your sentences. Now, don't get me wrong, the words you choose are good and great in helping you express your views but it won't hurt if you pump up your words a bit more. Oh, I may not be able to rate you here on EF as we don't necessarily rate essays as to any standards, e.g. IELTS band etc, however, I can say that your sentence construction and the use of the English language is 8 out of 10. Keep writing.

Writing Feedback / Summary Article World's Tallest Water Slide Will Be Torn Down After 10-Year-Old Boy's Death [6]

Hi Alfin, I somehow notice a pattern here, a pattern of very short summaries, though it should not be an issue as it is a summary essay, but in this case, you need to make sure that a short essay should be written in a way where all the elements of the essay is still very evident. As I mentioned before, you tend to write shorter essays, which sometimes is good but for some reason, this one is not really within the range of covering the elements of a well written essay.

Having said that, below are my thoughts.

- The worlds tallest water slide (...) "insane" in German. Rr ecently, It was killed a ten years old boy when operatenamed , Caleb Schwab.
- Because thatDue to the accident,
- the water slide will probably will be closed
- after investigate wasthe investigation is finished.
- The amusement park management said that they
- ... alter the ride with other rides in the future.

There you have it Alfin, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and should there be any other projects you may tackle in the future, you have to note that a summary can be short but it should have a complete thought.

Scholarship / Highlight what you believe to be the most important issue facing your country today [3]

Hi Tad, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, it's an absolutely wonderful sight to welcome yet another member of this ever growing family, here at EF, we strive to provide you with the most comprehensive remark that will definitely enhance your essay and more importantly, we give you feedback that will develop your skills in writing.

Having said that, as I go through your essay, I must say you have answered the prompt with the right amount of information that did not only create a logical idea and reasoning, but also backed up your belief that being dependent to imported goods is one problem or issue that the country needs to focus if not to resolve as soon as possible.

Moreover, the sentences that you constructed are straight to the topic, most of the time, when the writer is engrossed with the topic that they're writing about, they tend to go so far from the idea and talk about a lot of different topics that affects the overall sense of the article.However, for future writing reference,mind the minor additions to your sentences such as the punctuation marks, as you seem to forget to include them.

Writing Feedback / Positive Impact on The Walking Activity [6]

Hi Yuri, here's another one from my end.

- One of the daily activity ofthat some
- people do, is sitting 9.3 hours a day.
- This activity makes thegives a negative influence
- in healthy of someone's health
- which may result to severalmany diseases
- like breast cancer and, colon cancer,
- Therefore, the one and main solution
- inat anytime and anywhere,
- into the brain,
- also the walking inis the
- way we make us in order toand respect to others peoplesin their environment.

There you have it Yuri, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and for future writing reference, mind the construction of your sentences and make sure that it transcends the idea that you're trying to convey to your readers.

Writing Feedback / The pie chart depicts the main three reasons which led to the degradation of agriculture in the 90's [6]

Hi Kaun, below are my thoughts on your analysis.

- The pie chart depicts the three main three reasons:
- Oceania that suffered land degradation
- from thosethe mentioned reasons.
- is the highest, and Europe experienced land degradation the most.

- Looking atAt a closer look of the first chart,
- 35% of land degradation is due to overgrazing;
- Moreover, there was is a major percentage
- while only 7% of other reasons made agriculture becomes less productive.

There you have it Kaun, I believe this is my first review of your writing project and I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision. I did left the last paragraph for you to follow though with the modification and exercise your proof reading and editing skills, this should develop certain skills and it will be very beneficial to your future writing projects.

Writing Feedback / Exercise in ES; the number of hybrid vehicles sold over the 4-year timeframe from 2006 to 2009 [5]

Hi Alfin, as you are unable to post the diagram, I will not be able to accurately conduct a level of accuracy on the information that you have provided in this analysis, however, I would like to modify your essay with the focus on your sentence construction.

- The graph ilustrates about the number of hybrid cars
- which sold over the 4-years period from 2006 to 2009.
- Overall, the number of cars from Japan and other- at this point, you cannot say "the other", simply because we have not established the structure of the analysis

- cars from the US increased extremely
- buthowever, there was aafter that gradual decrease until 2009.

- AsIt can be clearly seen,that the highest
- Japan wasexperienced a slight rose
- Finally, grow up extremely in 2009 byit rose to 240.000 by 2009 .

There you have it Alfin, as usual, I have left the last paragraph for you to practice your editing skills and I hope you follow though with the corrections made.

Writing Feedback / Elizabeth Gilbert tells the audience about how creativity can survive from failure. [4]

Hi Dioba, here's another one from my end.

- can survive in herfrom failure.
- She remembers about personal experience
- Since she wasAs a child tried to send her bad
- stories and hoped to be foundconsidered by The New
- Moreover, she still tried to more writing and strugglingShe then tried to write more, hopingto make her work
- will getgot published.
- failed and for more than six years
- and almost makesit made her lifeher stressful.
- Furthermore, she bears in her mind that she shouldshe was ready to go back to home.
- The meaningThis didn't mean she is not returning
- but returning to the workgoing back to her love of writing,
- thing which isthat you have dedicated
- byyour full energies and
- NowNot long enough , she becomes a famous writer inthat the the world look up to and this is theas a result forof her hard work and faith.

There you have it Dioba, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and I believe this summary has more sense to it and is a direct translation of the TED talk.

Writing Feedback / Summary article Why Japan's 6.9 Quake Wasn't 2011 All Over Again [2]

Hi Dioba, below are my thoughts in your summary essay.

- In 2011, Japan faced a powerful
- quakesearthquake which was caused by tsunamis,
- protections, this incident eventually destroyedand made at the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear plant was broke .
- Japanese islands continent and caused small
- which madethat resulted to 15 people got injured.
- Paul Huang, a seismologist, sayssaid that
- the earthquake in this month is smallerattacks are not that intense than in 2011 accidents.
- their inhabitantsthe people although
- the tsunamis small and energy wasare less intense .
- They argue that tsunami still including in theis one
- and has always caused serious damage

There you have it Dioba, for future writing reference, mind the logical construction of your ideas in forming your sentences as this can be sometimes confusing.