Undergraduate / "Write about something that you love to do" (200 words or fewer) - Yale essay [6]

Hi Chizaram, thank you for writing back and acknowledging our work here on EF, I hope you do write a lot more and hone your talent in writing, believe me it will not be easy, sometimes you get confuse, but hey, when you get use to it and you feel like writing, do it!, it will only make you better with time and with time you will also be able to discover a lot of writing techniques that will definitely be helpful in your future projects.

Just to share with you, it is with utmost enthusiasm that I root for you to be part of the prestigious Yale University, it will not be an easy ride as well,however, yo know that we are rooting for you and we know that you will absolutely well.

Becoming an alumna with such an institution will not only give you that edge but will also strengthen that passion to develop solutions that will be able to help and contribute to the financial world.

Having said all that, I hope you write more often and be very critical with your writing, it doesn't necessarily have to be for Yale or any other respected University, it can be a fun article or something that you'd like to write about, so keep writing!

Letters / 'Good connection with others' - Write a letter of application to the tourism office [9]

HI Sahar, welcome again, have you been reading too?, well, it will definitely help if you read as much as you can, as mentioned this will allow you to see and understand new words, words that you will be able to use in your future writing articles. This will also showcase a whole lot of examples in the usage of the words in a sentence that will be very handy on your future writing projects.

Speaking of which, as you are into leisurely writing, you can go ahead and write something that you love about, maybe something about the tourism industry, its current state, how does tourism help in the current economic situation of your town and the country as a whole, now if this is too formal to write about, you can try writing about your childhood, life experiences are usually the best topic to go when you want a topic to write about, it's something that you know very well, its an easy task that you should be able to write something about with ease.

Having said that, I hope that when you do write, post it here on EF so you will be able to get credible notes and even more valuable feedback about your writing progress. Keep writing.

Letters / 'Good connection with others' - Write a letter of application to the tourism office [9]

Hi Sahar, no worries at all, we are all here for you and we wish you the best of luck in this endeavor, do let us know what comes out of this application, we'd love to hear from you.

Should you need further assistance, it doesn't necessarily have to be an application letter or an official writing project, anything that you fancy writing about, you can post it here on EF and this will help you hone your skills in writing, not only that, this will also allow you to see your other potential in coming up with different kinds of writing projects.

When you do write, however, mind the English language rules, it will help if you review from time to time just to make sure that you didn't miss anything or if there' s any update at all, then you can associate this is your writing. Reading will also help you a lot, this will open your eyes to different use of words, words that you can use in your future writing projects. Overall, you have started to write and this is the first step to get better at something and this will only get you better with time.

Writing Feedback / The advantages caused to humans when the computer was invented. [5]

Hi Tram, upon reviewing your essay, there is no doubt that you understand and know what the essay is asking you to write about, however, this did not seem to transpire very well in the essay. Reason for this observation is because, as I was reading the essay, I got confused with the sentences you associated in the essay and to give you a more elaborate explanation on that, please find a few corrections below;

- However, in my view, there are many problems. many problems? like what? though the subject is established already, it won't hurt if you take it into account in this part of the essay.

- Initially, because computers do all the things thatso people should and can do, therefore, they end up be unemployed.
- workers will beget fired
- to decreasewith the hopes of decreasing the costs of manpower .
- Also, themass produce products
- of mass production are not featured and specific to the customers liking .
- After that, aA nother problem is health issues. - People who use computers a lot may getacquire - or loss of memory...among others.

There you have it Tram, as you can see, with the corrections, the idea is now complete, there is a huge difference of the thought of the sentences, its clarity and its meaning is now more comprehensible.

Writing Feedback / Caring for people and spreading happiness [4]

Hi Annie, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, we hope to assist you in your writing by providing you with the most credible and accurate feedback that will help you enhance your essay and hopefully develop a few writing techniques that you will be able to carry on your next writing projects.

Having said that, please find a few suggestions below;

- From mythese experiences,
- do to useshowcase my strengths
- and weaknesses, ( don't forget your punctuation marks )
- to spread positivity and that this is what
- I want to pursue in mythe future.
- and bring happiness in to them.
- them, will definitelycan really spread happiness. - Not only learning about my identity and my knowledge by my experiences and trying to be that "hero",- I believe this particular sentence is uncalled for, so we can go ahead and delete it

- I know that having the traits that I will have can impact to the society, a little step at a time.
- to usingsharing my strengths
- to others will continue in my lifefor so long as I can .
- in need is a passion I'd love toI will definitely pursue.

There you have it Annie, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision.Do let us know should you need additional assistance.

Writing Feedback / Could a Saturn Moon Harbor Life? (TED Summary) [3]

Hi Fauzan, here's another one from my end;

- Cassini Spacecraft had landed and reported
- active region atin the S outhern
- tip of Enceladus, thea small moon of Saturn.
- In 2005, there was ain the south polar region
- with thethere was a tiger-stripe
- fracturesfractured image captured by Cassini.
- the spot had half inof darkness was caused
- the discovery of the towering jet, ( don't forget your punctuation marks ) found that
- fractures atin the south pole.
- However, this phenomenon givegave a presumption
- Enceladus that can support prebiotic chemistry
- and form a sustainable life later.
- Scientists are very excited to wait forand are waiting for 2 years,later to see the development
- change and become an environment or a zone
- that can be suitable to living organisms.

There you have it Fauzan, well, this is a very interesting summary essay and a very promising findings from our scientist friends.

Writing Feedback / The death of the Thai king throws the country into turmoil [2]

Hi Patta, just to share with you, the past week has been a devastating one for the people of Thailand and for the rest of those who call it home, I have been to Thailand for a couple of times and I bet you, it is one the best places you want to spend your vacation to, you have beautiful places to visit, people are absolutely exceptional and the food is just the best mix of your favorites and must try dishes that will melt your heart and definitely fill your tummy. The King's passing is one that will be in Thailand's history and it is for all of us as well.

Moving on, please find a few enhancements to your essay below;
- After king of Thai's,the passing of Thailand's King Bhumibol Adulyadej is passed. Many, may people doubted
- the succession to go, not to beso soft in this monarchy country.
- Commonly,the milestone inof Thailand's politics involved byan army power.
- This situation able tois under control in King Bhumibol
- regime which was Thai's armyis loyal to the king
- but after his gonepassing, there is anthe day
- This country had a riot in 2014 where
- the action classclashed violently between the middle

- Thai's officials confirmed that prince,Prince Maha Vajiralongkorn
- For this situationIn this succession ,
- some analysts argued it may be caused friction
- because the princePrince is unpopular among Thai's.

There you have it Patta, one thing that is very important when you are writing current events and writing in general is, when your subject is very powerful, politics, actors and actresses, powerful business people, you have to make sure that you give that much deserved respect to there names by writing them with a capitalized first letter.

Writing Feedback / Summarize article : Extremely Dangerous' Hurricane Nicole to Pummel Bermuda [4]

Hi Andika, here's my take on your essay;

- Hurricane N icole makemade anthe
- effect forto the B ritish teritory
- of B ermuda over the night
- and potential to damaged a small island

-On a Wednesday, Bermuda and authorities
- on Wednesdayreported that they have beed affected - fromby the hurricane in the next day .
- RainIt rained all day in school and
- government offices,are warn for
- people re warned to stay inside.
- The solid infrastructure that are accustomed
- about theto storms make manymade people be safety since the rain and wind come over quicklysafe .

There you have it Andika, as you can see, there is quiet a lot of corrections to be done in your essay and I hope you follow through with the suggested enhancements, I left the last paragraph so you will be able to practice editing the essay yourself, this will be a good practice that you can also do to other articles here on EF, believe me, it will help you develop your writing skills.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: The roles of computers in the modern life [4]

Hi Tony, I would like to share a few insight to your essay but before I do, I would like to make mention that the advancement of technology in the use of computers to be particular, has done a tremendous job in making our lives easier than we ever expected. I remember when my parents use to write each other a hand written note and it will take a few days,weeks and even months, before they can respond or receive a reply, this is due to the fact that the letter goes through a lot of hands, a lot of factors are to be considered in order for the letter to make it back to my mom or my dad.

Well, hey, nowadays, my dad sends a text message and presto, in a matter of seconds, my dad receives it and can reply in an instant, to the delight of my mom, what I'm trying to draw is, the advancement of technology has definitely brought us a huge advantage and edge towards life and how we live it, however, coupled with this advantage are a few disadvantages that I believe is all in the hands of the person who is responsible in using and taking care of it.

Moving on, below are my thoughts on your essay;

- Therefore, I thinkbelieve ( be firm in your ideas and what you believe in ) the advantages
- of using computers to instatereplace or fill some job
- If this advanceThis advancement is widely common
- to the firms,
- the productivity may riseraise the profit,
- there is also country's revenue can be improved
- and improveseventually enhance human's life.
- Besides that,the government
- should be considerate on trainings tofor the unskilled
- worker class to be better and get the good jobs.

There you have it Tony, I hope the above remarks and corrections help in your revision.

Undergraduate / I want to bring my creativity and diversity to Yale because Yale is the right place for me. [4]

Hi Chizaram, first of all, I must say, Good JOB! in finding and being courageous in choosing such a prestigious institution, one of the best there is in the market today, they have made there mark in the World of Academe and you will never go wrong, bearing the name of the institution in your future credentials.

Moving on, I would like to add a few suggestions to enhance your essay.

- When I graduated secondary school, I went into the business of retailing
- of male clothes and accessories
- to have an understanding of the world of finance.
- I want a schoolbelieve in an institution that will give
- me the opportunities to create,
- boundaries. Like, just like the new course
- introduced to Yale CS department: the introduction
- will offer me opportunities to share my ideas,
- explore my interests and apply them toin the real world focus .
- I want towill bring my creativity and
- diversity to Yale because Yale is the rightthe institution where I belongplace for me .

There you have it Chizaram, I hope the above remarks and corrections are helpful and the Best of Luck to you and do let us know what comes out of this application, we'd love to hear from you.

Writing Feedback / A Day in the Life of Hollywood Paparazzi [7]

Hi Risky, below are my thoughts on your essay;

- It cannot be denied that famous people are surrounded
- by paparazzi, who often take
- such photographs and video recordings for money purposes.
- really disturbing the celebrity's daily routine
- and it is violating the human rights because they
- as itand they become public consumption.
- What is become more negative, is when the paparazzi
- are not having the licensed to take such
- they don't belong to none ofany company
- but they do capturingcapture famous people
- as a freelancer toand they get paid.
- The freelancer paparazzi isdoes not only
- haveget the chance
- but also have lack ofare not knowledgeable of the journalist ethics
- asand they are frequently
- capturingcapture famous people

There you have it Risky, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision.

Writing Feedback / A difference between tourism now and in the past. [4]

Hi Le, following your essay, I must say, indeed, the tourism industry has changed a lot, I remember, back in the day, I was happy to go to the carnival or when its time for them to visit our little town, my heart would go pounding as I know it will be a fun filled week, then my family ventured on a camping trip and that was just an amazing experience, years went by and as I grow up, we learned how to book our own airline tickets without the help of an agent and do our own itinerary with a few clicks online, this is just my take on the difference of tourism from then and now, indeed, it's a huge development and hopefully, everyone will be responsible to make good use of this development.

Now, enough of my inputs, please find a few suggestions below, to enhance your essay.

- InOver the last century,
- travel is too hard withfor people.
- Nowadays, we can get to places that
- When they gotgo back home,
- they have manya lot of stories to tell.
- NowadaysThis days , big travel companies
- to meet the local people
- and see realventure to the real land scape of the country .

- tourists who gogoes out of the resort.
- Although some visitors do,

There you have it Le, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your essay revision.

Writing Feedback / The report show that toursim has many negative effects on the countries that people travel to. [3]

Hi Dau, WELCOME to the Forum, I hope you find this website helpful.
Now, as you said in your essay, indeed, tourism is a very profitable addition to a country and it offers great opportunities for employment, however, just like any other industry, there are drawbacks in this industry too.

Anyhow, I have a few suggestions to enhance your essay.

- Tourism is very important withto many countries.
- It brings a lot of money for these countries, buthowever, itis can also cause problem.
- Tourists believe that travelling to wonderful places
- of a country can help their life better.
- The culture, landscapes are the tourism destination
- that is possible to improve more
- income of afor the country.
- With the growing number of tourists,
- the government also has build public and health facilities;
- huge nature problems of ain the country.
- One of the worst effects of tourism is the presence
- sotherefore, local people can find ...

There you have it Dau, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision.

Writing Feedback / A number of jobs have been lost when computers replaced many positions [2]

Hi Luu, below are my thoughts for your essay;

- FromOver the last century,
- the technology has increased more and more withat high speed.
- Along with advanced technology,the computer system has grown.
- They are manya lot of big benefits.
- We can use the internet service to get connected to people
- all over the world,
- expanding knowledge, developing economy,...and a lot more advantages that we have never expected to happen.

- One of the mostthis disadvantage is unemployment.
- A number of jobs have beenare lost whenand computers have replace many positions.
- Postman, who delivers letters, money and others things, ishas disappeared
- because ofdue to express, email and ATM machine.
- Nowadays, pP eople use computer system

There you have it Luu, I left a few sentences for you to practice editing yourself by following the corrections made above.
I hope this helps and also, when you write, refrain from using a continues period like (......), instead, you can say, "and so on" or you can add a closing phrase.

Writing Feedback / Computers can help people save much time and money, but they are not flexible [3]

Hi Tuyet, below are my thoughts on your essay.

- In the modern world, the technology has developing more and moredeveloped rapidly .
- Thanks to technology, the life becomes easier.
- People can save mucha lot of time and money with
- the help of this advanced technology.
- As youwe know, technology gives
- humanpeople a lot of benefits.

- A number of jobs have beenare lost as a
- direct result of the advancedthis advancement in technology.
- Postmans, for example, are almost nonexistent at present.
- Nowadays , people prefer sending ...
- to usingthan the usual hand-written letters.
- People use the ATM machines to send or gettake money instead of a postman.
- Besides, when apps like Uber and Grab taxi are on a strong developmentwere developed ,
- help passengers self-selectingselect vehicles and places to go .
- For aA nother example, if you go to the libraries now,
- many new computers havehas been installed for helpingto help people
- instead of librarians like in the past .

There you have it Tuyet, I hope the above remarks help you in your revision and for future writing reference, mind your sentence construction as this will have an overall impact to your essay.

Writing Feedback / A bucket and pulley system [2]

Hi Linh, first of all, I would like to say that you are very fortunate in discovering this website, we have helped a lot of students and writers alike, we aim at providing you with remarks that will help you with your revision and more importantly, will help you discover different ways of writing and hone your writing abilities as well as your understanding in the English language.

Having said that, as I was going through your essay, I would like to ask, does this essay comes with a table or a graphic representation?, if it does, it will help reviewers if you can include this in your post. Anyhow,please find a few suggestions below;

- First, this animalthe buffalo or ox is linked withto the bucket bywith a rope.
- Finally, there is an irrigation channel where water is stored.

- The process begins when this animal walks
- downhill andwith the bucket risesrising from the wells.
- Water is poured slowly into the irrigation channels by a pulley.
- The animal isAnimals are stronger than humans,
- sotherefore, it can collect water from deep wells eassilyeasily .

- TheThis systems aware thatproves how natural materials
- and an animals can collecting water without the help of humans .

There you have Linh, I hope the above remarks help you in your revision and for future writing reference, make sure that your sentence construction is following the rules of the language.

Writing Feedback / One of the worst effects of tourism is environmental destruction [3]

Hi Ngo, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, please find a few suggestions below;

- Tourism ofin many countries is a main industry.
- theseSome countries receive large
- profit forto the economy and job for local people,

- havehas been cut down to build resort, ors and hotels,
- this will influence not only the health of the people but
- also their children ofthe future generation.

- Another disadvantage of tourism is the presence ifof large
- inon the streets and areas of beauty.
- it difficult any thing to do anything .
- will go on a holiday and find more
- havehas many benefits.
- However, people also need to think about protecting
- tourists locations, and reducing bad impacts of tourists behaviourtourism in the environment and its local people .

There you have it Ngo, I hope you will be able to follow through with the corrections made and should you need further assistance, we are here for you.

Letters / 'Good connection with others' - Write a letter of application to the tourism office [9]

Hi Sahar, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, we aim at providing you a little help on your writing projects and further develop your writing skills. Now, one thing that you have to take note when it comes to responding to a job post or anything that deserves formality and serious responsibility, you have to be yourself, be confident and be true to your intentions.

Having said that, please find a few suggestions below;

Dear Sir or Madam, ( don't forget your punctuation marks )

I saw your advertisment in local newspaperam writing in response to your job post in the local paper .
I'm really need this job because ...interested and ready to take on the challenge that the jobs entails .
I've like this kind of work since I was child. I grew up in this city, knowI will be a valuable asset to the company as I was born and lived in this city, I am knowledgeable and know the cityit very well and have (...) spots of it , sotherefore , I can explain it very well forto our tourists.

I know some languages sucham multilingual, I can speak persian,spanish,German and
I make connection very well with otherconnect well with people .
I have quitean experince aboutin this kind of work,
one day I saw tourists in sight (...) work as well as you want.I'm lookingI look forward to your reply.
Sincerely,
Sahar

There you have it Sahar, I hope this works for your revision.

Writing Feedback / People's reasons for using the car in city [4]

Hi Muhammad, before I go and review you essay, I have a question, if you were to choose, would you rather walk or use a car to go somewhere? I ask because, if I were to choose, I prefer to go for a walk to get to places, of course this will all depend on the distance of my destination, I prefer to walk to the places that can be reached easily. Cars for me, should only be used when the distance cannot be reached by walking.

Anyhow, going back to your essay, below are my thoughts on your analysis essay and for future reference, please attach the table or graph in your post;

- The Tabel Give Itable gives i nformation
- about percentation ofon the population of people using
- cars in the city by the timeand is measured in percentage .
- on theThe strength of tablethe people
- u sing cars are devided into five parts and the pie chart
- present the type of carsusingused by citizensto use most of the time.

There you have it Muhammad, as you can see there are a lot of work to be done in your analysis essay andI hope you follow through with the corrections made.

Writing Feedback / Negative impacts of tourism and suggestions to improve it better [2]

Hi Emily, WELCOME to this very helpful and valuable website, Essay Forum has helped a lot of students and writers alike, we aim at providing you with accurate and comprehensive feedback in order for you to gain confidence in your writing as well as hone your ability to write, not only simple essays but those ones that are definitely worth publishing.

Indeed, the popularity of the tourism market has a lot of impact in our lives and negative impacts are part of them too.
However, I believe that tourism is an industry that keeps giving people a way to enhance and alleviate their current status in life.
Going back to your essay, below are a few suggestions.

- Tourism plays an important role in the economy of some countries.
- It makesincreases the economy increase by bringing manyand bring
- benefits fromin the form of tourists and investors.
- However, tourism cause some problems inon countries that people travel to.

- Firstly , travellers go fromto this places to another placesand others ,
- they exchanged their culture with people that
- is mixed and itmay leads to the dilution of their culture.
- Trees isare cut down to build hotels, restaurants,...and this can
- destroy natural habitats and even may even result in

There you have it Emily, I left the rest of the essay so you can follow through with the corrections as you can see above.

Writing Feedback / Topic: According to an international travel magazine, many tourists today fly straight to their holi [6]

Hi Linh, thank you for your appreciation on our work, we do aim to provide you with the most comprehensive feedback we can possibly give and this is with the hopes to boost your confidence in writing as well as hone or develop your writing skills.

Learning anything is never easy and the same goes in learning a second language. English, on the other hand, is both a very rewarding as well as complicated in some ways but believe me, once you learn the strokes you will be able to use it in a lot of different ways and you will have fun and rewarding days ahead.

So how do you get about learning, well, you start with baby steps, read a lot, this will help you uncover words that you have not read before, words that will help you in your future writing projects and will also show you how they are used in a sentence. Now, you can definitely have fun in learning and in reading, do understand what you read, this is the key to learning the language and yo will definitely benefit from it.

Grammar, Usage / Help me on grammar usage for few statements of my sop [3]

Hi Gill, I believe this is your first essay help and I know you've come to the right place, I hope you find this website to be helpful and valuable to your writing projects, this is one of those many websites that offer help or assistance, however, what separates us from all the others out there, is the fact that we are here not only to give you advise but to develop your writing skills and show you different writing techniques that will help you in your future writing projects.

Having said that, please find a few suggestions below;

1. I am Coming from a family where everyone ... ( is use of has is correct or use of only v3 ?)
- I come from a family who excels in the academic world

2. My job responsibilities areas follows ( is use of are is correct ? )
- My responsibilities are as follows

3. But now days scenario has completely changed. Surfactant sputtering & ... (is entire statement is correct ?)
- However, todays scenario has completely changed,surfactant sputtering & MASS diodes are no longer a mere research topics

4. Almost every well establishes research organization seeking ... ( use of these is correct or those is more suitable word ? )
- Almost every well established research organization is seeking for scientists, those who have the expertise in these fields.

5.In USA there is only two colleges those offer ... (use of is correct or i use are ?)
- In the USA, there are only two colleges who offers this courses in these fields

6.Faculty ishighly trained and dedicated (use is or are ?)
- Faculty of highly trained and dedicated

There you have it Gill, I hope this helps and aside form grammar, you also have to note and focus on your sentence construction and you can do this by practicing to write more often.

Writing Feedback / A Walk to Margaret Falls. (Due Monday) Proof Read + Editing for Descriptive Essay [5]

Hi JC, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, I hope you find this website helpful to your writing projects. Now, first things first, you nailed a "Descriptive Essay", you have elaborated the event in a way that each and every reader who will get a chance to read you essay will be able to understand your essay.

Furthermore, the essay is like I'm reading a short story, it can actually be labeled as a short story and though mI may not be in the position to tag is as such, I believe it has all the points to be one of those stories that you will read through as it is as descriptive as one can possibly write it.

Moreover, you made sure that the words you associate in the essay are very easy to understand, words where you don't have to look up in the dictionary and this is very crucial when it comes to writing. The goal should be, that your readers know and understand what they are reading and the purpose of the article that you have written. I hope this insights help you in diminishing your doubts about your article, believe me, I enjoyed reading it and I know it answered what is asked of you to write about.

Scholarship / My leadership skill was started since I was a student. Chevening Scholarship 2017 [3]

Hi Taufik, first of all WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, I hope we will be able to assist you in your writing projects and provide you with your much needed help. We can assure you that we will provide you with a straight forward comment or feedback in order for you to create an even stronger essay.

Having said that, this particular essay or letter rather is actually a very crucial one, if I were to say, this is the mother of all essay reviews that I do, the Chevening Scholarship is a very sought after scholarship, it is definitely one of those that when you get in, you are one of the few who will have the privilege to be part of one of the most prestigious scholarship and institution.

Now, before doing so, I know that you have done your work in researching as to what extent this scholarship would mean to you, what are the ideas and inputs that you have to include in your essay, having said that, I must say, your essay needs quiet a lot of work and to show you a little bit of that much needed enhancement, please find my suggestions below;

- MyI have discovered my leadership skills whenwas started since I was a student.
- On that time, I got fully supported byfrom my parents
- becauseas they believe that
- leadership as an experience during
- the early days would be useful for children in character building.
- At school, I followed someactively participated in student organizations,

There you have it Taufik, I hope this helped and hopefully I can come back to you for a few more suggestions.

Writing Feedback / Motorways reduce time and distance of arriving to other cities, but they are also dangerous [8]

Oh that's great to hear, Danial!
There's nothing more than a word of approval and appreciation of our inputs here on EF. I do hope that we will be able to read and review more of your writing projects here on EF. As you know, we aim at providing you with most comprehensive and objective feedback, in order for you to create an even stronger essay or strengthen an already strong writing project.

Now, for future writing reference, it will help if you review the English language rules from time to time as this keep you abreast to any updates of the English language rules, reading more often will also do you a lot of good, this will open your eyes to a whole lot of words that you may later on, use in your writing projects and just about anything that you want to write.

Lastly, a healthy comparison of your articles, may it be with your classmates, friends or siblings will also hone and develop your sportsmanship in the writing field, it will also let you see different options and approach in writing.

'till your next writing project, keep writing!

Scholarship / 'my past academic achievements and awards' Motivation letter for Msc in Finance Scholarship [7]

Hi Quang, first of all, I would like to say, the first step you took in deciding to go for the Financial World is definitely one great step, I may not be good in numbers but one thing that I know is that, numbers can be two things, complicated and fun, complicated because of the many fundamental aspects of the field and fun because of the many mazes that you have to go through in solving and finding the answer to your equation and I believe this is what makes a lot of you guys drawn to this particular field.

Now, as I go through the essay, I must say, there are a lot of things, instances and moments that has definitely motivated you to pursue the financial industry and with the help of this scholarship, I'm sure you will be able to achieve this goals.

However, I have a few suggestions to enhance the concluding part of your essay.

- Given my pastArmed with my academic achievements and awards,
- I am confident that I will bring a high level of energyintelligence and enthusiasm to the Master's Intake and Scholarship of Lund University.
- Moreover, I believe that I can make good use
- of mythe knowledge gainingI will be able to gain from this program toand will eventually benefit my country.

There you have it Quang, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and I wish you the best of luck in this endeavor.

Writing Feedback / Motorways reduce time and distance of arriving to other cities, but they are also dangerous [8]

Hi Danial, I hope it's not too late for a few additional enhancements below;

- In overthe recent years
- which as a result they will able to reduce
- time and distance ofin arriving
- to other citiesplaces .
- I would like to share my opinion
- ofon why some people who say motorways - involvecan stir up some problems.

- firstlyFirst , the most outstanding
- problem is environmental destruction;
- which means the governments may cut down trees down
- if theythe direction of the motorway wil come acrosscross among the trees.
- one solution that may worksfor this problem is thatwith the governmentsis to focus onin an area, whichwith the least damages for environment.

There you have it Danial, I hope the corrections are still very valuable to your revision.

Writing Feedback / A Questionnaire essay : What values do you share with XX's "Pleasant Life" philosophy? [3]

Hi Yunyi, here's my take on the last part of your essay.

- XX's lifestyle ( "lifestyle" - is all one word )

- is also about being minimalismmiimalist ,
- avoiding the unnecessary.
- In the making process, the retail willthey select
- recyclable paper,and avoid using some harmful materials.
- The LED lightningslightings, reduce carbon footprint. - Also, because of the sustainable
- and thoughtfulinnovative design,
- All of these bring me its attitude andhas influenced me to practicethisan eco-friendly attitude has influenced me.
- I believe many othera lot of people also like
- and buy things they only need now .

- In conclusionI conclude , I think XX's "Pleasant Life" philosophy meets my needscorresponds to my life goals and philosophy .

There you have it Yunyi, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision.

Writing Feedback / People have to be more careful for choosing their clothes because it may cause some problems [5]

Hi Andika, running through the essay as an initial review, I must say, you were able to point out both views and significantly expressed your take on the task at hand. However, for future writing reference, I would like you to focus on the minor details in writing, such as your linking verbs as well as the punctuation marks, as this are the links that can make or break your sentence and it will have an impact in the overall outcome of your essay.

Having said that, I would like to suggest a few enhancements towards the last paragraph of your essay.

- In conclusion, I think todays people
- have to be more careful for using dressin dressing up, because it will becan cause a problem.
- If people use thewear clothes
- that dois not precise with the existing situation,
- it will provoke ofcreate confusion from the people around them.
- On the other handHowever , people should
- not be comment about other peoplebe free in wearing clothes that fir and make them feel good about themselves and should not be judged with the way they dressbecause they do not know about others character .

There you have it Andika, I hope the above remarks and corrections help you in your revision.

Undergraduate / I watch action and comedy movies. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it - MIT essay [4]

Hi Peter, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, here, we aim at helping you out in enhancing your essay. We also share our knowledge with the English language and even more so, we provide you with the most comprehensive and objective feedback, in order for you to build that much needed confidence in your writing projects.

Now, we will address your concern in this essay,however, before I do that,I would like to share that finding pleasure in watching movies is rather quiet expensive, I believe the movie houses will cost you way above $10, however, as this is what makes you happy, I say, good job in finding a great way to enjoy your free time.For your concluding part on this essay, I suggest a few sentences below;

As the saying goes, "to each is their own", which means, every person has its own identity and each person can find its own way of using their free time, I happen to find enjoyment in watching movies and I learn from them too. Watching movies is one thing that I want to share to friends and families in the future.

There you have it Peter, I hope the above remarks help.

Writing Feedback / Topic: According to an international travel magazine, many tourists today fly straight to their holi [6]

Hi Linh, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, I hope you find this website helpful and even more so, valuable to your essay revision, we aim to provide you with the most accurate and comprehensive feedback in order for you to have that much needed enhancement in your writing projects.

Having said that, please find a few suggestions below;

-After a hard days work,
- everyone hope haveto become a tourist, to relax and rest.
- As well as, theirV acation is an inspiration to create for theirlike working on a new project and next work.
- The same about finally aims and goals but there
- are many differentdifference between tourist
- from the past and today.
- Demands of people and develop tourism is a part of this change.

- In the past, most of tourists would like
- to discoverdiscovering and express their freedom.
- So they found to their destinationbyThey often travel with their motorbike or car.
- Then went to seesight, discovered thisthey go for sight seeing and go local.
- Sometimes , they stay at home ofwith the local people instead of hotel.
- This thing can decrease the vacation cost for theirthe tourist.

There you have it Linh, as you can see, there are quiet a lot of work to be done to enhance your essay and I hope you follow through.

Graduate / Application for the master's degree of Corporate Communication [2]

Hi Liu, below are my thoughts on your Application essay and I will make it straight forward correction in order for you to see the difference of the original draft and the corrections and remarks itself.

Last paragraph
- communication needs the basic of sufficient knowledge, experience and executive capacity. - what exactly do you mean by "executive capacity", please elaborate.

- SoTherefore , even thoughif I - activity, I stillwill lay emphasis on
- the acquisition of professional knowledge
- accumulation byand not only choosingchoose
- but also usually being an auditor intake into audit, some optional courses and lectures.
- I have not considered anyof another
- choice offor my future career
- except fromfor the communication
- I know the huge influence and maybe as well as the difficulties
- in the proceed ofpursuing communication,
- be a little different because of thewith my existence of me .

There you have it Liu, as you can see, I believe one thing that you have to learn is to be decisive in your ideas and in putting them in writing, most of the sentences you have are quiet half way there and its got the confusion and believe me, the reader will know what and how the letter feels.

Writing Feedback / Based on the previous question, what do you think XX's business will be like in the next ten years? [6]

Hi Yunyi, thanks for your feedback and for appreciating what we do here on EF, well, I changed "have" to "pose" as I believe this is more appropriate to your sentence.

To elaborate this further, "pose a larger market", means that the market is seen as large and with great potential to become a big business. Having said that, this should be a good addition to your essay. Remember, this essay is very futuristic, therefore, the progress and forecast of the business and its potential is very vital to the overall outcome of your writing project.

There you have it Yunyi, I hope this additional insights help in your revision and you know what else will improve your writing capabilities, read whenever you can as this will help you discover words that you haven't encountered before and you can use this in your future writing projects.

Writing Feedback / The government must make choices about how to spend money from taxes [3]

Hi Jesse, I would like to start this review by sharing my opinion about the task at hand. I believe, the government needs to make choices that is bound to address a more depressing issue than what they are currently up to, issues like poverty and hunger are just a few of this issues. However, I believe that the government is doing every single step possible in order to address the issues they have at hand and they are trying their best to cover as much issues as possible.

Moving on to your essay, below are my thoughts.

First paragraph
- When it comes to amusing the people,
- the government mayis faced with
- Some people contendcontest that we
- However, I tend to frown onat this assertion.

Second paragraph
- Nowadays, many people are suffering from sub-healthy diseases, - what exactly do you mean by sub-healthy disease?

- such as diabetes or high blood-fat .
- there are not enough sports facilities in the citiescity .
- implementtime to exercise, and their physical
- work out in the nearby gyms after work. Andand the gym wasis supported by

There you have it Jesse, I hope the above remarks are helpful and for future writing reference, mind your sentence construction and make sure that your verbs are in the right forms too.

Writing Feedback / The more people travel, the more rubbish are thrown away. [6]

Hi Nguyen. please find additional suggestions below;

- I thinkbelieve this statement is true
- because the number of tourists havehas been - increasing and this may cause negative effects onin - the country thatwhere people travel to.
- through exhaust emissions from motorcycle engines and boats.
- Noise from transportmodes of transportation and - touristsmotorists can cause troubles
- Moreover, the development of tourism activities, ( don't forget your punctuation marks )
- lack of control may have an impact on the soil (erosion, landslides),
- threatened species of wild fauna and flora.
- As a result, the environment areis becoming worse.
- Overall, to solve this problemissue,
- strict laws to prevent bad impact to the environment .

There you have it Nguyen, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision.
Just to share, I believe people should have the liberty to travel anywhere they want and whenever they want, however, they have to be responsible, not leave trash or rubbish as you said and love the country they are visiting.

Undergraduate / A Bad Day to Remember. Temple University Admissions Essay. English as second Language. [2]

Hi Yunior, WELCOME to the Team, I hope you find this website to be helpful and even more so, valuable to your writing projects, we aim at providing you with the most accurate and comprehensive feedback that will hopefully strengthen your writing project as well as hone and develop your writing skills.

Having said that, I do agree that the essay is somehow long for the prompt and what is asked of you to write. What I mean is that, for an essay admission, you have to be very straight forward, you have to make sure that they are geared towards answering the prompt, now I don't mean that you didn't write what is asked of you, however, it will help if you can summarize every event that transpired and not to write it like you are writing a novel that needs to be very much elaborated.

Furthermore, this admission essay should have the much needed information such as your academic journey,academic development, experiences that honed you to become and be encouraged to be the person you are right now and taking this step to greater academic achievement. I hope the above remarks and insights are helpful to your revision.

Writing Feedback / Based on the previous question, what do you think XX's business will be like in the next ten years? [6]

Hi Yunyi, first of all WELCOME to the Essay Forum family, I know that you have been with us for a while,however, this is my first review of your essay and I hope this will improve your revision. Now, first things first, as this is a progressive essay, meaning it has an essay before it, it will help, if you have a background or a couple of sentences in order to create that connection of ideas.

Having said that, I believe the word "knockoff" is fine to use in describing fake goods, however, you can use other synonyms such as imitation or copy, in cases like this, you can always look up and search for the synonyms of the word in order to have a few options in getting your idea and making sure that you have the right word to complete the sentences.

Furthermore, I have a few suggestions for the concluding part of the essay.
- Also, I think XX will open more stores in different locations, as many countries havepose a large market such as India.
..., so I think XX will absorbbe able to cater to various culture (...) to display its characteristicproducts to otherfor the people there .

There you have it Yunyi, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision.

Writing Feedback / Showing interest in Engineering and which program within this appeals to me - MY BROWN SUPPLEMENT [4]

Hi Erica, I believe this is my first time to review your writing projects and I can assure you we are doing every bit of best practices in order to provide you with the most accurate and comprehensive feedback that will boost your confidence in submitting your project.

Now, first things first, as this is with two different prompt, I was expecting two different and separate essays. Yes, this is a supplement essay with two questions and I believe, in order for you to showcase and highlight your answers and a clear approach on the task at hand.

Furthermore, I suggest that you write the question, followed by the answer and do the same for the second question, also, you can try to post the essay on separate occasions, this way you will have further focus and wider audience to give you additional support in your revision. For now, I would like to leave you with this insights and hopefully you can repost the essay in a way mentioned above.

Undergraduate / I always visioned myself as a doctor; MCPHS essay, is it too basic/boring? [3]

Hi Julia, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, I hope this is just the start of a good relationship, we can assure you that with the help of this website and its editors as well as an army of contributors, you can expect no less than a well edited and well crafted essay, ready for submission.

Now, as I go through your essay, I must say, I noticed a few words that are somehow not the the most applicable word to complete the idea of your sentence. Having said that, please find a few suggestions below;

- Growing up, I always visionedenvisioned myself as a doctor.
- In Anatomy class, last year though ,
- is when I firstexploreddiscovered my interest.
- Sitting in the class,wasfor the first time, I actually was actually interested in what we were learningstudying .
- that made we changed my view.
- Towards the end of the class,is when
- I got my first real application ifof anatomy.
- much than I did in all of the lassclasses I had .
- Actually seeing the structures, I learned
- about and holding them in my handsa lot and

There you have it Julia,overall, the corrections are focused on the minor details of the essay such as punctuation marks, word input and if there is a major one, it will be the sentence construction, it is somehow missing or not in the right sequence, so you have to be careful with this in your future projects and in your revision.

Writing Feedback / Keep your goals to yourself by Derek Sivers [2]

Hi Patta, please find a few additional suggestions for your analysis essay.

- Many people have personal goals that it imaginedand they strive to take the nextto step next closer to that goal but honestly,
- if you tellshare your dream to other people
- that it would not be a good feeling.
- In fact,a psychology expert said,
- that sayingwhen someone
- yourlearns your objective it makes them unhappy.
- pursue their goals such as less weight loss with jogging
- then when you tell to someone
- whichand they have a good reaction, it is a good for your motivation for you .

There you have it Patta, as you can see there's quiet work to be done and I left a few sentences, in order for you to practice editing it yourself and follow through the above remarks.