Writing Feedback / Differences in rates of various evening courses at an adult education center [3]

Hi Fauziyah, below are my thoughts on your analysis and I hope it helps with your revision.

- in rates of various evening courses at an
- adult education center arethat were
- percentage of the age group.
- Overall, Women tendedwomen tend to enroll
- in language courses while men
- tended to choose painting classes .
- At firsta glance,
- it can be seen that most of coursenumber of participants are in the 50+ age group.

- In this case, woman who attended language class
- In the oppositeOn the other hand ,

- Turning to the pie chart,
- most of the participants of the evening courses was filled

- Participantsin the under the 20 age group washas doubled narrow compared byto 20-29 age group at 5 percent.

There you have it Fauziyah, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and for future writing reference, mind the accuracy of your information, make sure that you observe this through and through.

Writing Feedback / Electronic media has changed the way people relate one another [3]

Hi Russell, first of all, I would like to share that, topics like this are definitely the topics that are worth writing about. Indeed, electronic media and technology as a whole really turned our lives to 360 degrees, one thing that none of us, humans, has thought would happen in a million years.

For this particular agreement however, I believe you have written quiet an intensive one, you made sure that your points are covered and you have elaborately wrote this in fine detail. Now, as much as I love the fact that you have written an essay this informative, I would like to suggest a few notes for your conclusion.

Conclusion

- To sum upOverall , social media
- is a medium that helps us to connect with other people. By becoming a wise userbeing cautious in using technology , we can prevent and decrease the negative effects made by misleading of the using offrom using electronic media.

There you have it Rusell, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and should you need further assistance, do let us know, we will be here to assist you.

Writing Feedback / Every conversation have a potential to start a conflict; how to improve face-to-face communication? [3]

Hi Sari, please find below suggestions for your essay.

- Starting her speech, Celeste Headlee started her speech by asking theasked to audience
- they talks about something offensive.
- Actually, every conversations have a
- not listen to each other.
- According to few research
- shows that a third of the students send
- more than a thousand message t
- struckstrike up a face-to-face chit-chat everyday.
- Sometimes, Students haveshow huge amount of admirable ideasadmiration to
- through a screen
- whereaswhile a conversation is
- the one of considerable ability In the 21st century.

- Both of listeningListening and talking
- are the vital part from anof a conversations .
- we have to keep thema balance.

There yo have it Sari, I hope the above modifications are helpful to your revision and for future writing reference, it will help a lot if you practice more often, also, you have to know and review the correct form of words to associate to your sentences.

Writing Feedback / M.S.Dhoni: The Untold Stroy ( Film Review) [2]

Hi Aqsa, first of all WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, I hope this is a start of a relationship that will make sure that all of your future writing projects will be coupled by a meticulous and timely review.

We aim at giving it our best for you to be able to send in a competitive essay.

Having said that, I must say that this film summary is done in a well managed way, you made sure that there is a sequence of the events that took place in the movie, not only that, you also made sure that the words you use to incorporate in the essay is very conversational, meaning they are very easy to understand in a normal readers view.

Overall, the summary is well versed, however, I would suggest that you refrain from using the word "but" in beginning or starting a sentence and if you can replace the word "but" with the word "however" or any other linking verb that could denote negative or comparison to the other idea, without using the word "but".

I hope the above insights are useful.

Writing Feedback / Air Leakage, Cooling Problems - wasted energy [2]

Hi Riandi, below are additional enhancements for your essay and I hope you follow through.

- The diagrams presents a process
- about the disappearance of
- hot temperature in the houses.
- This is due to the air getting
- seen that major air sources enter from
- leak of slits which escaped from
- athe house through the ceiling.

- The first process starts when an air leaks
- enter the house, especially it dominate indominating the first floor.
- from ventholea ventilation to the basement.

There you have it Riandi, I suggest you follow though with the corrections and practice writing more often, make sure you mind the minor details of your sentences.

Writing Feedback / The air circulation into and out of the house, resulting in a loss of heat from inside the house [2]

Hi Andika, I suppose you can add the diagram the next time you write an analysis, this will help reviewers and readers a like to provide you an even better edge, nonetheless, I can assure you that we will and always provide you with the best and most accurate feedback for your analysis.

Having said that, please find a few suggestions below;

- The diagram illustrates theabout
- house. It is make effectand it's effects of

- The others are is air leaking int o the house
- Turning the location which the heat wheatherwith hot r warm water
- is a result forof using - stove. While, while there are
- In the other part, there
- is light from above the kitchen
- that otheris another factor
- for producethe production of
- heathot weather.

There you have it Andika, as always I left the rest of the analysis for you to be able to practice writing and editing yourself and I do hope you follow through. For future writing reference, mind the forms of the words that you incorporate in your essay and make sure that you practice writing more often.

Writing Feedback / Kashmir attack: India 'launches strikes against militants' (Summary of BBC News) [2]

Hi Nousha, as I go through your essay, I must say, there is really a thin line between summarizing something that one understands and summarizing something that you are interested and if both catches your essay, then you can get assured that it is a good one.

I tell you this because, this is how I see the essay, it is well managed and all the necessary details of the news, specially the critical information are depicted in the essay and this means, understanding the story is a great factor and it will help a lot in writing and re-telling the story so people can understand it the way a regular reader can.

Overall, it is an insightful summary, you captured the right amount of information needed to suffice the reader to comprehend and get the message from a much complicated news. Just to share, indeed, we live in a world where, we don't really know when or where we are safe anymore, however, there is always one thing we can do, to be vigilant and be observant to the people and the environment we belong in order to avoid falling victims of such events.

Writing Feedback / Proposition of Adolescents Attendeing Four Secondary Schools [3]

Hi Alfa, right of the bat mind the words you incorporate in your essay, just like your title, I know it's just a typo error and this is why, proof reading your essay before submission is very helpful.

Having said that, below are my thoughts for the rest of the analysis;

- On this opportunity, theseThe data report - aboutpresents a propositions
- of adolescences whomadolescents who
- In numbers talk weAccording to the data, we can see Community Schools
- InOn other hand, with Community Schools,
- Voluntary-controlled schools has
- had the biggest take,

- In the fact,that Grammar School
- ButHowever, the smallest
- one per cent for almost per five years.

There you have it Alfa, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and for future writing reference, mind the linking verbs, they are crucial in creating a complete sentence.

Writing Feedback / How to start a movement in public area by Derek Sivers. [3]

Hi Riandi, please find additional help from my end;

- This summary essay will discuss
- about how to start a movement
- in a public area
- and it is delivered by D erek S ivers.
- He explained it with a video thatwhich shows
- about one person stoodstanding with annoying gestures.
- After that, slowly one person slowly follow
- In the beginning there is no one follownobody followed his movement until almost
- all of tourist followingfollowed that gestures .
- leadership is not as long asnecessarily needed forto mobilize other people.

There you have it Riandi, as always, I have left the last paragraph for you to be able to practice editing it yourself and following through the above remarks and suggestions. For future writing reference, mind your linking verbs, try to be comfortable writing and including them in your sentences, this verbs help a lot in creating a complete sentence.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 Summary Article: Ancient Bee fosil reveals secrets of human ancestor's habitat [3]

Hi Nura, as I was going through your summary essay, I must say you did a well managed essay that definitely covered all the necessary points to convey the message of the discovery as well as as the vital information are properly placed in a logical order.

Though, there are a few modifications to be done as you can see from the above suggestions, however, minor, this remarks are very important in enhancing the essay and make it stronger.

For the last paragraph, conclution - is spelled conclusion , you see, as minor as spelling mistakes can create a negative note on your essay so be sure to turn on your spell checker at all times and for future writing reference, make sure that you practice writing more and reading will also help in expanding your vocabulary so read on.

Writing Feedback / Electronic devices have some downsides for individuals in their relation with others [3]

Hi Giansy, as I was going through your essay, I believe you made a very strong point in stating your ground on the task at hand. Indeed, advanced technology has made a lot of changes to peoples lives, good ones or bad ones, it matters greatly on our lives today. It is no surprise that some of our decisions are coupled or are made with the influence of todays technology.

Moreover, it also very strategic, you made sure that the ideas are in a sequential pattern and that it matters in every way it should be in the process. Now, as much as the first 3 paragraphs are so precise, the last paragraph did not really live up to it's purpose and I know we can still enhance it. Having said that, please find the suggestions below;

- in conclusion, i am convinced thatI believe electronic media is useful, it has a better positive sideaccording to positive rather than negative effects in personal relationto people and the lives we live today .

There you have it Giansy, I hope the above remarks are helpful and even more so, valuable in your revision.

Writing Feedback / More spendings for Food, Drink & Tobacco rather than Clothing/Footwear in some European countries [2]

Hi Ucha, I believe this is the first time I'm going to review your writing project / analysis and as always, here in EF, we aim to provide you with the most accurate feedback that will help you out in enhancing your article. Having said that, please find additional help below;

- The table describes howthe expenditure of five different countries
- spent the expenditure in 2012.
- At firsta glance it
- and Turkey dominantly expendedspent money for Food,
- rather than Clothing/Footwearspo .
- Therefore, Leisure/Education lied on the
- lowest percentage at all .

- Turning first to the five nations,
- least rate of its use belonged to Sweden at 15.77%.
- In contrast to thisOn the contrary ( contrast - is for colors / contrary - is for ideas ) ,
- the remaining were for Clothing/Footwear

- Interestingly, none of the countries paid
- Turkey which was atwith the highest

There you have it Ucha, I believe the analysis is accurate to the given information in the table and what I observed is that, you are good in keeping a uniform form of measurement and making sure they are all observed throughout the analysis.

Writing Feedback / Article Summary: Shadow on the South China Sea [4]

Hi Erwin, below are my thoughts for your article summary.

- The first is about the tiny islands themselvesandthat involves China,
- concerns the United States of America
- an expedition to the ParacelParallel Islands,
- During 1920 untilto 1930,
- This was nois not a country
- or administered them .
- In doing so they includedmade some mistakes printed on thosethe maps.

There you have it Erwin, as you can see, it's just a few minor details that needs modification, however, even if this are minor corrections, it will still be best not to have them in the essay or the sentences. One thing that can be done is to practice writing more and keep a complete sentence, with the linking verbs and the correct form of words that will definitely enhance the ideas of your sentences.

Writing Feedback / Sending a message via social media is much faster than using a letter. [3]

Hi Riandi, please find a few suggestions that will hopefully enhance your essay.

- Connections amongst society will be had a badhas negative
- effects of using cutting-edge technology
- such as a device which is operateand applications of social media.
- because of it makes people's lives
- easier,to give somemore information
- and interact with other personpeople ,
- but should be controlled of usinghowever, internet usage should be controlledinternet .
- HumansPeoples lives will be

- dienate - I'm not pretty sure what you mean by this word, please elaborate.

- themselves as an adverse effect.
- This is because human is addictpeople gets addicted with this device
- and do not care about the circumstances .
- cyberspace makes people to ignore socializing
- Consequently, more and morethis limitslimited
- our association so that it could becameand results to people becoming antisocial figure in the future .

There you have it Riandi, as you can see, there is quiet a lot of enhancement to your essay and I took the liberty to correct the first 2 paragraphs and I hope you follow though and practice editing the last two.

Writing Feedback / Summary_article 'recommended anti-aging' [4]

Hi Rusell, I would like to think that this is my first review of your essay because I think it is and I hope it is as much valuable and helpful to your revision as the other contributors before me. However, before I do so, I would like to agree that, indeed, todays world and generation has greatly introduced a huge selection of anti aging regimen that women can choose from. Now, I'm a firm believer of natural beauty but hey, tying out some beauty regimen will not hurt, so log as they follow strict health standards.

Moving on, below are my thoughts;

- tried by a billion of women in the world.
- They had spent much time and much money
- to be looked younger in their ages .
- many brands just soundedpromised the
- that it's just a kind of impossible
- thing to be truedo .
- furthermore, it gave the amazing

There you have it Rusell, I hope the above insights are helpful to your revision.

Writing Feedback / Google's Got a Plan to Unify the World's Wi-Fi Hotspots [3]

Hi Rizaldo, please find additional remarks to enhance your summary.

- According to this basisWith this observation , - Google plansattempts to get rid
- of the problems through establishingan established

- ease the users access to the internet as the system
- is independent on preconfigurationto a pre- configured WiFi routers.
- to the waiter in the restaurant anymore.

- undertaken the project within India
- whose state-owned railway system has
- Therefore, the company will seriously propose the Internet access to public places all over the world.

There you have it Rizaldo, I'm not sure if this is my first review of your essay but I hope the modifications are helpful and even more so, valuable to your revision.

Writing Feedback / Task 1- Energy Generation by Fuel Type [3]

Hi Tami, please find additional suggestions below, on order to enhance your analysis.

- The pie charts illustrate aboutthe energy
- in Florida in two separated years.
- Overall, the charts show the trend of fuel in
- is predicted willto ascend in 2017,
- whereas renewablesfuel are at the lowermost.

- gas by average Floridais predicted
- willto rise to
- just over a half in 2017.
- Nuclear utilizingutilization is predicted
- willto climb from
- several consumption of energy is predicted
- will be plummetingto plummet .
- renewable energy has a very small
- Other forms of energy estimated to
- sharp drop sharply from just over one

There you have it Tami, I hope you follow through with the corrections above and for future writing reference, mind the form if the words you incorporate in your analysis and make sure to stick to the information given in the diagram.

Writing Feedback / The table gives information about the outcome of two observation between 1997 and 2006 [6]

Hi Riandi, please find my share of suggestions below;

- observations between 1997 and 2006.
- After that, listeningListening to partnerships

- As it can be seen in external communication
- table, 60 % of employers
- In 1997, citizenpeople ( I believe this is a more appropriate term ) think selling a product
- or service was not needed in their job,

- is listening to partnerships carefully at 38%
- The lowest one responded in 1997,

There you have it Riandi, I hope the above remarks, however minor, will be able to help you in your revision and for future writing reference, in an analysis, make sure that it is as accurate as you can, mind the minor details of the given diagram of information and be sure to create an objective and straight forward analysis.

Writing Feedback / Summary Article : Biggest radio telescope on Earth ready to receive alien signals [3]

Hi Andika, below are my thoughts on your summary essay.

- the world is locatedfound in China.
- It is look likea Five-hundred-metre
- that startis set to to observe
- onthe outer space.
- which can help to protect peoples from interference
- of radio waves, which areand signals are sent by a mobile phone and a Wi-Fi.

- The telescope can gowent through
- ThatThis means that it will
- alsoand one of itsthe function can detect,

- receivers are designed to move directly,

There you have it Andika, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision, I believe it's the minor details that you have to focus and pay attention to, as they are key aspects that brings the sentences together.

Writing Feedback / Article Review: Zuckerberg and Chan Promise $3 Billion to Cure Every Disease [2]

Hi Oki, right off the bat, I noticed that you are very precise in your information, however, the unit of measurement, currency and symbols are also very important, not only to keep a uniform presentation of your review but more importantly, to create and cover all the facts that is needed to convey the right and factual message to your readers.

Having said that, below are my thoughts on your review;

- the couple announced $ 45 billions of - to the organiz ation.
- Although there is not much
- information on how the fund will go,

- $600 million "BioHub" to in San Francisco,
-UC Berkeley will be able to work together.
- He added his organisation'sthat the organizations mission is concentrated
- do notdoesn't go sick.
- In contrastOn the contrary ( contrast - is for color / contrary or contradiction - is for ideas ) ,
- community focused on
- spendsspending fifty times more in investing in treating people who are sick.

There you have it Oki, I hope the above remarks are helpful in your revision and make sure that for your future reference, you take your linking verbs and properly input them in the sentences.

Writing Feedback / TED Summary: How to Look Inside the Brain [3]

Hi Erwin, kindly find below remarks for additional modification.

- TodayNowadays, we can seeanalyze what is inside
- ofourthe brain rather than
- glimpses atof our brains wiring.

- was a str ain called the Golgi str ain. - Neurons does not operate alone,

There you have it Erwin, as you can see, there's not much to correct in your summary essay, it is a well managed essay, however, for future writing reference, mind the little details in your sentences, especially if they are vital information that is needed in order to understand the idea and the thoughts of the summary and for your readers to keep track of the purpose of the essay.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Summary Task American Bike Project where to Sleep [3]

Hi Dioba, below are a few suggestions to further enhance your essay.

- Tyler Metcalfe, asis a National
- to doconquer a journey of cross-country cycling.
- a different places of their journey.
- The major problem fromfor travelers
- using bicycle is finding a place to sleep.
- forin finding a good place
- to sleep on a bike tour isare campsites.
- Campsites also usually offer fire pits,
- SecondNext , Hotels and motels
- are become otheris another option.
- Staying in a hotel it offers some
- sort of amenities
- and cheap accommodation .

There you have it Dioba, I hope the above remarks and modifications are helpful and for future writing purposes, mind the form of words that you associate in the sentences, make sure that they are the words that you need in order to convey the message to your readers.

Scholarship / Hi all, I'm currently in the midst of completing my essays for Chevening Scholarship. [3]

Hi Hassan, I would like to believe that before you wrote and even decided to go for the Chevening Scholarship, that you did your research and know that it is one of the most sought after scholarship there is in the academic world.

Having said that, I must say that being a reviewer, I find a lot of modifications to be done in your essay, please find my suggestions below;

- According to my beliefs traits for beingBecoming a leader is not a gift from heaven,
- and a prince is born a prince i
- are born, not they makemade , - to be a leading figure successfulof success and

- This is what I will illustration from my experiences.- I believe this particular sentence will not help your scholarship essay

- Firstly , due towith our family's
- financefinancial circumstance, - I used to help them by doing working in
- many places without affecting in any way on my studies in any way
- the formulation ofbuilding my character
- and refining it for the subsequent phases,.
- This is what makes my siblings affected by my experience and make it as a model worth emulating.- this particular sentence can be deleted

There you have it Hassan, as you can see, there's a lot of ways we can enhance your essay and as I mentioned, the Chevening Scholarship is one that receives probably thousands of applications and yours should stand out and having this essay will need a lot of revision. I will get back to you for the rest of the essay.

Writing Feedback / Differences between water consumption in San Diego city and the whole California state [5]

Hi Syukron, below are my thoughts on your essay.

- The charts show the information ofon average
- of water consumption in the world
- category places ascategories,

Spell check
Residental - residential
acounted - accounted

* Country names such as California should be written ...

- As an overall trend,
- While processed theProcessed water
- consumption still had the largest in
- residenti al consumption inof San Diego after agriculture .

- Based on the data ,the lowest of water consumption among the different countries and majorities were infrom Residential areas .

There you have it Syukron, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and should you have any clarifications and need additional guidance, do let us know and we will be here for you.

Writing Feedback / Chris Anderson explained about four keys to be an extraordinary public speaker. [4]

Hi Aris, please find additional suggestions below;

- explained about four keys to be
- important secret factor in influencing people
- to makebecome a good speaker.
- Idea is an array of information whichthat connects collectively amongst many views .
- Therefore, it is going to become an individual's point of view.
- people looking at a young
- woma n must have different

Spelling:
prespective - perspective
spesific - specific i
languange - language

- Finally, the speaker obligatorily ensures that the idea
- since it is able toas it inspires and
- giveprovide many upsidesups and downs in human's life.

There you have it Aris, I hope the above insights helped and for future writing reference, be careful with your spelling, make sure that your spell checker is on all the time.

Scholarship / My leadership skills came into limelight way back when I was in high school. Chevening Scholarship [4]

No worries at all Michael, I know your journey towards greater academic pursuit is just beginning and I must say, you made an excellent choice in coming up with with a very specific ladder to climb up to.

The Chevening Scholarship is indeed a very prestigious one and once you're in it, be sure to be cautious in proving yourself and should anything doesn't turn out right, don't worry, there will always be second chances and other choices to make life a little bit exciting and be a more appealing story to be told.

We will definitely advice and be here for you when you need us and should you have time, practice writing more, create drafts that will help you in your future prompts, read a lot and do a competitive trial and error in your writing, you can also do a little bit of editing job in your free time in order to develop techniques in writing.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 2 _ Some people think having healthy lifestyle is difficult while others think it is ea [6]

Hi Husnul, I have a few remarks for your concluding paragraph.

Conclusion

- All inOver all, it seems
- that the intention determines ifdetermination to have a healthy lifestyle is difficult
- Either he/she is busy or not, theyway, the first
- thing to be done should be questioned
- is, how far can someone
- wants ago for a healthy lifestyle.

There you have it Husnul, I concentrated on the last paragraph on your essay as I believe that this is the part that needs improvement. Overall, you made quiet a strong and well managed essay, you made sure that all the necessary points are covered and you highlighted the facts following your claims on being healthy and living a healthy lifestyle. I believe that, indeed, with all the choices we have in choosing our diet, it's a struggle to eat and choose a healthy diet and at the end of the day, the choice we make is the person we become.

I hope the insights and remarks help in your revision and should you need further assistance, do let us know and we will be here for you.

Writing Feedback / 'sleep well at night and do yoga at midnight': it's hard to keep a healthy lifestyle in modern world [3]

Hi Eva, first of all, as I go through your essay, I believe you have made a well managed answer to the task at hand, you have a direct response and you did what was asked of you to write. In general, you have pointed each side of the puzzle that made your conclusion strong. Having said that, I do agree that, nowadays, it's getting tougher to be healthy, there are several factors that gets your mind off of eating healthy and living healthy, however, it is always your will that matters in the end, your choice to be healthy and be fit in every way possible.

Moreover, as much as I believe your essay has a very positive result and highlighted the necessary points to address the prompt, I have a few suggestions to enhance your essay.

Conclusion
- in this modern era by eating balance nutrition,
- the peopleyou can commits with these
- to the activities but, however, in
- to have abe fit body and healthy
- mind such asby observing less stress, sleeping well at night
- and do yoga at midnight. It might be very useful to solve health problems as soon as they arise or better yet prevent them, as they say, prevention is better than cure .

I hope the above remarks help in your revision.

Writing Feedback / Consumers are faced with increasing numbers of advertisements from competing companies. [3]

Hi Toan, kindly find additional modifications for your essay.

- brought to consumers attention,
- one of which is athe competition of companies.
- of contendingrival companies are dangerous

- No one couldshould neglect the
- products of companies whichthat are broadcasted
- on thein different ways such

- they may be attended oncan flash slogans
- whichthat moves on the
- screen that represents the
- benefits of the goods.

- Despite hard to finding methods ,
- HazardouslyNegative advertising on televisions programs,
- poster all of which inform prohibited goods

- In conclusion, it is undeniable that theinfluentinfluence of advertisements
- should be promoted to pay much moneykept away from this harmful and negative advertisements.

There you have it Toan, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision, for future writing reference, make sure that you be cautious on the correct form of the words that you incorporate in your essay.

Writing Feedback / Two billion people, at least in America, India and Southern East Asia, learn English worldwide [4]

Hi Andika, as I go through your essay, I believe there's something wrong with how you understood the TED talk that you are trying to summarize. As far as I recall, this particular talk is focused on hoe the English language took off and created such a mania that every single person in the world would like to learn and speak the language.

Now, there is some truth to your summary, the part where you talk about or enumerated countries where the language originated and how it spread is an absolute truth. The English language has taken the world for as long as I can remember, it is dubbed as the universal language, a language where everybody understands everybody and share the same perspective and expression. Nonetheless, it is the language that brought people together and unfortunately enough, the same language that sometimes can break people apart due to several factors such as different views and different understanding to certain circumstances in life.

Overall, it's quiet a confusing summary, there's quiet a lot of changes to be made, however, they can be fixed and modified and I hope the above insights helped you in your revision.

Scholarship / My leadership skills came into limelight way back when I was in high school. Chevening Scholarship [4]

Hi Michael, I believe this is the first time I'm reviewing your essay and as this is for Chevening Scholarship, I suppose you know that this is a very sought after scholarship and it takes a lot to get in to this type of scholarships, however, I believe that if you the right attitude and purpose towards something that you think will keep you going, then go ahead and pursue it in its fullness.

Overall, I must say that the essay is managed well, it is properly presented, 4 straight forward paragraphs that is directed to the sole purpose of the essay and that is to get in to one of the most sought after scholarship. It will also help if you do a healthy comparison to other scholarship seekers in order to create that what -to and what - not - to include in your essay.

One more thing, this essay is targeted to one and only one purpose, to be in the elite group of scholarship grantees, I believe you have what it takes to create a good academic journey with the Chevening Scholarship and with this, we would love to know what comes out of your application, we'd love to hear from you.

Writing Feedback / (IELTS ES) Summary the one of National Geoghaphic's article [3]

Hi Asda, I believe this is the first review I will do for your essay and right off the bat, I must say that this summary is full of adjectives that helped describe in very fine details what is in the story and this summary also featured all there is to know and understand in order to discover the destination.

Overall, as much as the ideas and information help elaborate the sense that you are trying to convey to your readers, the adjectives, verbs as well as the minor details such as the linking verbs and stand alone phrases are great addition to your essay and this is what you did in your summary essay. You made sure that all the points and contents are covered to create that substance needed for your essay.

What else is there is for you to keep writing, though I know that your essay can still be enhanced, I believe it comes in time and practice of course. Keep writing.

Writing Feedback / The advertising of certain food products should be banned [6]

Hi Hoang, no worries at all we are here to share with you what we know and our expertise in order for you to be more confident in submitting your essay and in the process giving you that extra strength to your essay.

Moreover, we advice that aside from answering prompts that definitely hones your writing skills, I personally suggest that you develop different writing techniques in order to give not only a variety to your writing but also a different substance that will enhance and develop your writing skills.

Overall, you can go ahead and experiment in your writing, learn from other writers, do a competitive comparison and most importantly, write as much as you can as well as read a lot, this will not only help you know and learn more about new words and how they are used in a sentence, this will greatly help you in coming up with an even stronger article.

Writing Feedback / Summary Article: Keep your goals to yourself [2]

Hi Atthya, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, I hope you find this website to be helpful as well as useful to your writing projects. We aim to provide you with the most accurate and credible feedback that will assist you in coming up with an even stronger essay.

Having said that, please find a few suggestions below;

- the dreams that they expect to happen in the future will happen .
- All of peopleEverybody should start the imagination to imagine theimagining their dream.
- ThenHowever , if everyone shall say about all theirkeeps talking about their dreams, - would not the people will be near to their dreams?
- However, aA ccording to psychologists and psychologists tests proved that,
- if someone saystalks more about their dreams
- to others they tend to happen it will be a little bit .
- always remember about it and will do ittake action in achieving it .
- If there are people who want to say, there is only one effective way is a way that does not create satisfied quickly.- I'm not exactly sure what you want to say in this particular sentence, please elaborate.

There you have it Atthya, I hope the above remarks are helpful as well as valuable to your revision and for future reference, make sure that you practice a lot, create drafts of whatever it is that you want to write as this will help you enhance your writing and also maximize the words as you use it in the sentence, mind the placement of your words and make sure that they are logical and meaningful enough in order to portray the ideas that you want your readers to understand.

Writing Feedback / GPS Accuracy in Australia versus moves of tectonic plates in America [5]

Hi Bams, right pf the bat, I notice that you are writing the name of the subject in small letters and this should be immediately corrected, I understand that this is just a draft, however, draft or not, you have to maintain and follow the rules of the English language. Names are written in capital letters ( the first letter of the first and last name ), this is not only making sure that you follow the rules but also to show respect to the bearer of the name, I know that you would expect the same treatment for your name, right.

Moreover, below are additional enhancement for your essay.

- At the moment inThe geographic location of Australia
- occurs to have shifted the continents .
- That is mostThis phenomena is witnessed in the world
- To illustrates , Australia has shifted plate in a yearfor about 2.7 inchis,
- not only them but also America get the shifting continents,also shifted base on the report from new york times.

- D amien S aunder, America has
- This ensue influence to the accuracy of
- coordinates and GPS andon cellphones
- don'tthat might not have that level of accuracy also.
- In the other side theyOn the other hand, it is said when

- It is aim to get accurationWe aim to provide accurate coordinates with
- will mean spending to more time,

There you have it Bams, I hope the remarks are helpful and for future writing reference, mind the form of the words that you associate in your sentences and your sentences should be created in accordance to the ideas you are trying to convey to your readers and not a direct translation of what and how you understand the article.

Writing Feedback / An Article Summary: William, Kate, George, and Charlotte Arrive in Canada for the Royal Tour [3]

Hi Ali, below are my thoughts on your summary essay.

2nd paragraph
- The whole family members appeared incredibly amazing.
- The tailored suit ofsuccessfully revealed Prince William's
- has successfully revealed his masculinity.
- The oldest son,( this phrase or title os not necessary as it is already established in the beginning of the essay) Prince George, looks ...
- This photogenic little boy is always able to attractcatch the eyes of the people around him,
- whose chubby cheek becomes even cutermore adorable with her smiling face,
- She sticksrests on her mother's arm.
- This perfect family has beenis definitely a role model of today.

There you have it Ali, I hope you find the above remarks to be helpful and valuable to your revision.

Writing Feedback / A Fuel Tanker Fire in Mexico's Gulf Coast [5]

Hi Aris, below are my thoughts for your summary essay.

- An horrible accident
- on slast S aturday.
- However, after having fought to extinguish the fire for a day ,
- could ble w out the blaze succesfully
- andas they had to used chemical
- the authority set off inquiring the factors causinga fact finding committee to know the cause of the fire in the vessel .
- Apart from this, actually the burgosthe vessel had taken
- the steps to ward off the oil spill to reach
- in reaching the coast by spreading the booms for about a mile of containment.

There you have it Aris, there's still a lot of work to be done and you need to expose yourself more into writing and reading a lot will help too.

Graduate / Direct Entry Masters of Nursing Statement of Purpose, Final Draft Critique Due in 5 days [5]

Hi William, first of all, 5 days is not yet a cramp day for you to go panic stricken, however, it is also not enough for you to lay low in finishing a well managed and determined essay. Having said that, I believe you started quiet strong, you made sure that you have directed your answer towards the purpose of the essay. Now, as much as I loved reading your essay, I must say, there's nothing special to it, it is very specific to the purpose of the letter, however, it is quiet plain and for this type of letter there should be something special, something that will stand out to the eyes of your critiques and the normal readers.

Moreover, as it is a statement which is pretty much an extension of your academic profile and you as a person, I would suggest that you go deep into your academic pursuit. The second paragraph where you talked about an experience you witnessed can already be summarized into one full paragraph with the next 2 paragraphs, this way it will create a logical impact. You can also create one full conclusive part that will highlight your academic goals in order to reach greater heights in the academe.

Overall, there are a few enhancements to be done and should create a much better final essay that is ready for submission and I wish to review your final essay soon.

Scholarship / QuestBridge National College Match Short Answers [7]

Hi Li, the 3rd prompt, as I go and review it is so far, very detailed, it definitely answered what is asked of the prompt. You made sure that the essay targeted the needed information to bring an intellectual concept and this is very important in creating that ladder towards the goal of making it to the FBLA.

Further to your essay, what also brings it forward is the fact that all the information you feed in the sentences are very relevant to your future, it also depicts a good picture of how you are a person, a student and your intellectual views and how you are standing up for them.

There you have it Li, I will leave the last prompt to you, as I go through it though,
it is a very hypothetical question and I find your answer very well managed, again, mind the minor details and the overall outcome of your answers make sure that they stand to what you believe in and you should be good to go.

Writing Feedback / The advertising of certain food products should be banned [6]

Hi Hoang, as much as I want to provide or rate your essay according to IELTS standard, I will not be able to as here on EF,we are not licensed to rate according to IELTS, however, as I review your essay, I must say you've covered all the basics of the IELTS standard, you started strong in your introduction, you made your point in the succeeding paragraphs and you made sure that there is a logical sequence of your ideas.

However, as much as I like how the essay is strategically written, the concluding part did not really play as strong as the previous ones. Having said that, below are my thoughts and I hope it helps in your revision.

- In conclusion, because of the disadvantage of some certain food product, particularly junk food, It should be limited into the public for public consumption,with the most powerful solutions such as media involvement and advertising healthier options will help the public learn more and make wiser decision on what they will and they want to eat .

There you have it Hoang, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and for future writing reference, be more specific with your reasons, enumerate and elaborate ideas if you can.