justivy03
Nov 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Discussing the benefits of working in more than one job [4]
Hi Mohammed, below are my thoughts on your essay.
2nd paragraph
- On the one hand, - at this point, this particular phrase is not necessary as the ideas you have written is not compared with anything yet.
- changingthea career path can be
- Firstly , working in different jobs often broadens the one's horizon.
- theywill improve and develop their expertise and expand their social circle,
- Secondly, the new careermightwill have a financial advantage over the prior one.
- People oftenchancechange their jobs to
- to a more financially satisfying jobs.
-mightwill eventually find out where
- his or her passion is, and which job areis much suitable for them.
There you have it Mohammed, this is just an initial observation and modification for your essay and I should be able to provide you further enhancement in the next post.
Hi Mohammed, below are my thoughts on your essay.
2nd paragraph
- On the one hand, - at this point, this particular phrase is not necessary as the ideas you have written is not compared with anything yet.
- changing
- First
- they
- Secondly, the new career
- People often
- to a more financially satisfying jobs.
-
- his or her passion is
There you have it Mohammed, this is just an initial observation and modification for your essay and I should be able to provide you further enhancement in the next post.