Writing Feedback / Summary TED Try Monotasking To Be Successful In The Multitasking World [2]

Hi Farida..
These are my corrections.

Multitasking is doing many jobs in AT one time.
There are only A few people who
people to consider about the
products which has HAVE successful result

Note:
I am pleased to read your summary. Honestly, you show the prestigious progress. I have not found major errors. Besides that, although you did not write plenty of the sentences, you describe the information well. However, I have the suggestion for you. You should explain the speaker of TED's video at the first sentence. The introduction of your summary explained the speaker and its expertise.

Overall, it is a useful summary .
I am looking forward to reading again.

Writing Feedback / Does Eat more salt prevent migraines and severe headaches? We need more evidences and researches [2]

Hi Hary.
These are my corrections for your summary.

AN important role for human life.
consume CONSUMING high salty refreshment affectS to ON heart disease and stroke.
In other hand ON THE OTHER HAND, some people believe that THE salty refreshment keepS
Sodium ions are known RECOGNIZED to activate neurons.
So CONSEQUENTLY, IT is the evidence that THE salt keepS THE migraines and severe ...
IWe need more evidences A PIECES OF EVIDENCEand researches

Note: It is a good summary as this is free of the major grammar errors. Actually, you can improve your summary better if you harness appropriate linking words to make this smoother. I am curious why you sometimes use the adverb to connect between sentences. Please, you harness the linking words as well as possible.

Overall, It is a good job

Writing Feedback / Every conversation has potential to develop into pro and contra - politic or other sensitive topics [5]

Hi Ramzi
These are my corrections.

These dayS,
A potential to develop about INTO pro and contra, politic,
A number of issues are not normal.
Research study showED that 10 thousands people in America at these momentS
are making decisions based on what we belief BELIEVE.
A conversation needS A balance between talking and listening.
TeenagerS in USA are more likely to send A text rather than talk to each other which make A teacher feel fail to teach communication skill.

In this video, the speaker will teach 10 basic how to be have THE better conversation
First, Don't DO NOT (DO NOT CONTRACTION IN THE FORMAL WRITING) multitasking, means that when you talk to somone SOMEONE mean while you think another topic. Secondly,Don't DO NOT act like THE teacher. Because if we concesive CONCEIVE about someone opinion it will naturally broke BREAK the good conversation. Next, Use USA openED questions, start with 5W1H (what, who, where, why, when and how) and don't DO NOT make THE complicated question.

Ramzi, I do not know why you make a large number of grammar errors although the previous writing was free of the major errors. You should reread your writing before you upload. Following that, you are likely to use the adverb as the connector between the sentences. You should harness the linking words to make your summary smoother when readers move from a topic to another topic.

Writing Feedback / Summary Article : The six best places to try modern 'martabak' in Jakarta. [6]

Hi Selvi.
Let me help you to improve your writing.
These are my correction for you solely.

Indonesia is popular with a lot of traditional cuisine PLENTY OF TRADITIONAL CUISINES (A LOT OF IS NOT THE FORMAL WORD , AND PAY ATTENTION TO PLURAL/SINGULAR) .

... from Indonesia is martabak which is \ known as the king of ...
Nowadays, many sellerS of martabak create an innovation...
... city of Indonesia provides many A LARGE NUMBER (MAKE IT VARIED) martabak's sellerR which has various ...
Many A GREAT NUMBER OF people ARE curious which TO EAT the best delicious ...
... there are six RECOMMENDED places which is recommended to try the best taste of martabak which has WITH unique names.

... serves the best taste of martabak. Besides APART FROM THAT, martabakku menteng

note:
Actually, it is a good summary because I have found the point of your summary. However, you have made a few grammar mistakes, especially VERB AGREEMENT. On the other hand, you should write words variously.

OVERALL, IT A GOOD JOB.
keep spirit
good luck

Writing Feedback / The road through your imagination, invention and searching for problems solutions, to the science. [2]

Hi Fadhillah.
I am delighted to tell you that this is your best summary which I ever read. I have got the point of your summary.You have presented the information well. In addition, you only make a few grammar error. Hopefully, you can improve your summary. The flow of your writing is smoother.

OVERALL, IT IS A GOOD SUMMARY

The original tittles TITLE is
who care about AN environment and A people's problem,
A workshop.
the problem and he collect all students
make A prototype.
The result is every children CHILD very enjoyable
The third is investigating THE global problem
They establish the map of radioactivity, and very useful USEFULLY for fisherman
In conclusion, teaching THE student to love (...) and make THE solution

Writing Feedback / Cities with iconic buildings makes their look special and unique; IELTS Writing Task 2 [3]

Hi Ashela.
I am delighted to read your writing. Let me help you to finalize this writing. These are my suggestions related to the flow of your writing.

I have read your writing closely and found the odd things at the first paragraph. That paragraph did not cover the meaning of the question. Well, it is impressive because the infrmation which you described is interesting. However, the writing task2 should be guided by the task acheivements. Based on the band descriptors, you have missed the task achievement or explained out of the topic. It can lower your score. Fortunately, the circumstance happened at the beginning writing. This will make the examiner suprised.

On the other hand, you only described the task partially. This only contained your opinion about the importance of impressive building although there are two matters which you had to review this writing. If this is commited in your next writing, you cannot get the score more than 5 for indicator of the task achievement. The question clearly mentioned that you have to discuss two opinions. Please, you pay attention to the task achievement.

I believe you can show the better progress if you wanna practice more and more. I suggest you should read more examples of the writing task 2 so that you can find the important point.

practice again and again.
I am looking forward to meeting your writing.

Writing Feedback / TED Talk Summary: Alzheimer is normal aging, we can cure it [3]

Hi fadhillah..
These are my notes for your writing.

This is A summary of video ...
The title of THE video is ...
Alzheimer illness is AN original name of ...
Only one of two persons can be surviveD from this illness.
Also, it spreading ITS SPREAD can be decreaseD slightly.

In the present time NOWADAYS, many scientists ARE confused about A causal factor of Alzheimer deceases. Because, (Because is the coordinating conjunction, not the transitive word. Be careful to place it) it is the biggest causal

The drugs works by cutting

Note:
I am pleased to read your writing because you show the better progress more and more days. When I have read this closely, I have found the odd thing. Actually, you did not harness the transitive words whereas those will help readers to move from a topic to another topic smoothly. I believe you will improve that. I am looking forward to meeting your writing.

Happy Writing.

Writing Feedback / "The Danger of Silence" - Summary TED [4]

Hi Farida..
These are my corrections.

Clint Smith is a teacher who challengeS (Still Verb Agreement) his student
He also a catholic and he (if it has the same subject, you do not rewrite again. S V and V) always taught that
He gave up on many things like AN energy drink, junk food ... (Please, you rewrite this sentence. I have not got the meaning of your sentence. It make readers confused) .

He also remembered that he unaware to OF homeless people
He discovered that he needS to change himself because THE silence is the residue of fear and he have HAS to get rid of it.

He decided to talk what people need to heard HEAR and talk freely because ...

Note: you should reread your summary before you upload, so you can review the meaning of the summary. A few of sentences make the readers confused

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : The Number of Library Books Read by Boys and Girls at Starmouth School [2]

Hi Atikah.
These are my corrections

I agree with the suggestion of Reza. You should make introduction more simple and include the essential information.
This is the additional overview for your writing.
IN ANY CASE, THE FIGURE OF THE FEMALE READERS SUCCESSFULLY TOOK OVER THE POSITION OF THE MALE STUDENT IN THE TIMEFRAME.

According to the chart, the number library books [...] it jumped rapidly between 2010 and 2011.
Initially, the girls read approximately 25 books, while the other gender started reading books by virtually twice as much. By 2012, there had been significant changes in those categories the former had increased to 140 books. Meanwhile, the latter also had risen to 80 books. Overall, there was a wide gap between those.

(Atikah, if you wanna get the high score, please you make the comparison of the figures. Actually, you have made the comparison, but you only compare the figure for the different years. You should focus on the figures. I have give the alternative sentence for the body paragraph. Please, you review those)

keep spirit

Writing Feedback / Number of Books in Library Which Is Read by Different Gender [2]

Hi Hikuma..
These are my corrections.
... about A number of books READ BY GIRLS AND BOYS in A library which is read by girls and boys. This research HAS TAKEN took (You should use the perfect tense here because it happens until now) place in Starmouth School ...

... which read according to THE gender of THE reader.

This graph shows in 2011 , the amount of books read by boys and girls is THE same PERCENTAGE IN 2011. THE NUMBER OF Those books are 100 units.

... an intersection point, the boy MALE readers were (...) number of the girl FEMALE readers.
... while the girls are A slow increase.

Note:
You have done the same mistake for some times. Please, you upload the picture about your writing. I can not interpret your data if you do not. Following that, you pay attention to the use of the tenses appropriately. When I read your writing, I did not find your flow. It seemed messy. You should harness the appropriate transitive words. It is not impressive as it displayed the comparison of the figures clearly.

You need to read a large number of writing examples. You are going to find the sense of the writing task 1 there.
Practice more and more.

Writing Feedback / Energy waste in a house is caused by many electrical installations and also windows [2]

Hi Hikmatyar.
These are my corrections.

... energy and loss the heat that (THE OMITTING METHOD) caused by air cycle. The leaking LEAK of THE air that is released from the house is more than IT WHICH getS in.

The leaking of THE air LEAKAGE has a significant impact to ON (YOU SHOULD CHECK THE COLLOCATION OF "IMPACT) heat lost in a THE house. Many rooms releasing RELEASE less heat than others ...

THE Heat riseS up into THE room on THE top. Air leaking out THE LECK OF THE AIR IS OUT of the house (...) stack vent, A bathroom fan vent, dryer vent, and kitchen van fent VENT. However, air leaking THOSE ARE into the house through ...

THE Energy IS wasted in a house caused by many electrical installationS such as recessed ...
The number of windows affectS ON energy that used THE USE OF THE ENERGY. More light that enters the room enabling ...

Note: Pay Attention to:
1. Verb Agreement
2. The use of the article
3. The use of conjunction (include omitting and reducing)
4. The meaning of the sentences. Please, you meet the appropriate words to arrange your sentence.
5. Collocation of the word---- For example Effect/Impact---- On

Writing Feedback / The advantages of nuclear family - living with grandparents or without them [2]

Hi Anh Khoa
These are my corrections for your small story.

Now in society we know many kinds of ...
NOWADAYS, WE HAVE KNOWN THERE ARE MANY KINDS OF FAMILIES, BUT EACH OF THEM HAS A LARGE NUMBER OF DIFFERENT ADVANTAGES. .the first FIRST OF ALL,i I live in THE family, and we have (...) when I live with MY grandparents. WHILE I used to live (...) from doing anything i I like. He is also angry WITH me about doing wrong important somthing IF I DO A MISTAKE . This maDE me uncomfortable.next MOREOVER, I think we spending much money on taking care of grandparents every DAY week, every month, and every year .

FinalLY, we can live being independent ...

Writing Feedback / The elusive demographic bonus - boon or bust? [2]

Hi Yusuf.
These are my corrections to develop your summary better.

the future boomingpopulution POPULATION?
What sort of lessons we can CAN WE draw
In related to BASED ON aforementioned questions,
Jakarta stood at the fifth in regarding to the confidence
the GDP/capita cities was WERE cradled at the bottom.

The other ANOTHER pivotal point was ...
Jakarta placed at 28th among.
... education can hamper the ones ONE'S enthusiasm

... citizens will determine how resistant ones THE RESISTANT nation

Note:
I am pleased to read your writing. One is primary reasons is that this writing is free of many major errors. However, there is a matter which you should construct immediately. Readers will get the point if they have read the entire writing. It will be a boomerang for the writer because some readers sometimes read a part of the writing. You have to find the way to attract the readers so they wanna read that overall. I suggest you explain a topic in the paragraph. Make you sure that the paragraph has described the whole topic before you move to another topic.

OVERALL, IT IS A GOO JOB.

keep spirit
happy writing

Writing Feedback / The percentage of individuals holding on science categories in Malaysia and Singapore [3]

Hi Ilham.
Honestly, I really like to read your writing because this is free of many errors grammatically. However, there are some improvements which you need to develop the good writing. Let me help you.

OVERALL, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT THE FIGURE OF SINGAPORE IS ONLY ABLE TO DOMINATE THE PERCENTAGE OF THE SCIENCE QUALIFICATION IN THE DEGREE OF BACHELOR. FURTHERMORE, THERE IS A WIDE GAP BETWEEN BOTH CATEGORIES OF MASTER'S DEGREE AND NO QUALIFICATION IN THOSE COUNTRIES.

(I give you the alternative overview because yours seems heavy. I think you can bring your matters to the reality condition and make it more simple.)

Note: You should remember that the good paragraph should consist more than 2 sentences. I cannot find that in this writing. Following that, you should expose the comparisons in the writing clearly. It will give you the higher score in the writing test.

OVERALL, IT IS A GOOD JOB

happy Writing
-----------------

Writing Feedback / Time Summary: Russia and Iran Fly Across a Key Threshold in the Middle East [3]

Hello Sony.
I am very keen on reading your summary. This has been free of the major errors grammatically. However, I will give some correction to finalize your summary. Please, you meet them and follow well.

to fly from it's ITS (It needs a possessive pronoun) base
Moreover, A sophisticated air-defense system is been WAS provided (...) the relation between this THESE two anti-U.S becomes warm.

BOMB TACTICS OF T-22M3 and Su-34 tactical bombing took off from Hamedan airbase, . in (This is a transitive word, not a conjunction so that you have to write period here) IN addition, they have (...) in their way". INTERESTINGLY, The targets include ...

An enormous political effect seems inevitably INEVITABLE (there should be an adjective, not an adverb because the word "seem" relates to the sense).

Such an explicit bold purpose to maintain MAINTAINING Bahar Assad in THE reign, and this war that has been happening for more than 5 years, AND put Syria in total turmoil.

Note: You should review again about the use of the transitive words, so the readers can move on from a topic to another topic smoothly.

I believe you can show your skill greatly in the next writing.
Dude, Practice more and more. It will attend deep understand about the writing.
Happy Writing
------------------

Writing Feedback / "8 Beauty Products Safe to Share" - Summary Article [2]

Hi Hikuma.
I have seen your writing. Actually, you show the better result for the writing skill. You are able to reduce your grammar mistakes in a few days. However, there is a problem which you should tackle. This is less attractive. The reason is because you describe the information like the data list. In the great summary, the flow of the writing has been finding in this. It also does not show your skill to arrange the words to be the important information. I do not wanna comment more because I have not found the basic of the summary yet in your summaries. Please, pay attention to my notice. I really hope you can work your summary following instructions.

Keep Spirit.
Happy Writing

Writing Feedback / TED : How tress talk each other [3]

Hi Sofi.
I am pleased to read your writing since you have shown the great progress. I have got the points of your summary. However, I will give you a few suggestion to develop the quality of this writing.

... Simard highlights about how tress TREES talk each other. Suzanne investigated A forest over 30 years. She conducted a research about AN interaction of each tree in THE Canadian forest. She used HARNESSED two isotopes (...) there was two-wayS communication going ...

... had been injected gases before PREVIOUSLY had same sounds whether ...
Different result reveled REVEALED from THE replica trees.
... plants was not connected into TO the other exposed gases plants.
Note: Please, you avoid the repetitive word.

I am looking forward to meeting your writing again.
Overall, it's a good job.

Scholarship / Media electronics should change their programmes (writing task 2) [2]

Hi Ayu.
Welcome to Essay Forum.
I am delighted to tell you that you have chosen the right medium to improve your skill.
Let me help you finalizing your writing, so you can get the higher score in the writing test.

To make it happen, the A reporter pays a great attention to plenty of footballerS, actreesES, and singerS. Even though, APART FROM THOSE ALL, their reports have not been affected for ON A quality of human life. In my personal persfective POINT OF VIEW, THE media should give (...) which can expend ENCOURAGE OTHERS to have THE SPIRIT OF LIFE spirit of llive.

In 2016 survey data shows that, [...] watch television that shows about actrees' lifes.
(Ayu, this paragraph was not constructed well. It is because you did not begin the paragraph with your statement or opinion. This is a formal writing so that you should explain your opinion systematically. In the first sentence, you should inform that the television has to change the program. Following that, you describe the reason why it has to be conducted. To support your reason, you have to give examples or a scientific fact. In the last, you can close with the consequent of your idea.)

shows or reality shows which is reporting REPORT THE ordinary people live, taking 'jika aku menjadi' (YOU SHOULD NOT PUT THE EXAMPLE OF INDONESIA. I SUGGEST YOU SHOW THE EXAMPLE OF THE HUGE COUNTRIES. IT WILL STREGHTEN YOUR OPINION) television programme as example, gives knowegde KNOWLEDGE and symphaty SYMPATHY for people

To sum up, THE media as a good places to make people
However, THE channel of THE media should offer (...) get many benefitS.

Note: You should reread your writing before you upload because you sometimes misspell some words. After that, you still need the time to learn systematic of the good paragraph.

I really believe that you will show the better progress if you wanna strive and practice again and again.
Keep spirit
Happy Writing.
------------------

Writing Feedback / Summary TED's : art make unusual stuff [4]

HI Adi..
this is one of the good summaries because I get the information clearly. However, I am going to give you a few of suggestion to develop the better summary.

Please, read the notes below.

Alexa Meade talks TALKED about your biological OF A MAN is her canvas , due to the fact ...
She painted it immediately (...) to make a portrait, painting it on a real object, to . THE ARTIST makeS it apparent with a two-dimensional painting, and it is able to photograph it from any angle (IT IS SO LONG. IT WILL MAKE THE READER CONFUSED) . Actually, the portrait does DID not need ...

She has so much fun HAD GOT JOY with this process, . usually, she ALEXA has the idea of creating ...

Note: Adi, you sometimes write some words for some time. It seems repetitive. Following that, be careful of the complex sentence. Perhaps, the readers realize that you have the high skill of the grammar, it can make the readers confused. You should reread your summary, so you know whether it does not make them misconceive.

OVERALL, IT IS A GOOD JOB

Writing Feedback / Summary an Article Best Trails to People Who Do Not Like Hiking [2]

Hi Farida.
I appreciate your effort because you wanna provide your time to improve your English. Let me give you suggestions to develop this.

because it takes much times and AN extra effort also dangerous on the way up.
That is why right now many A LARGE NUMBER OF people look for (...) do not need to spent SPEND much time but can ...
This is THESE ARE 10 best places to FOR people who like THE short hikes.
... Rifugio Bonatti, Italy, . it is only 11.3 km, and people THOSE (THOSE CAN BE USED AS PEOPLE) can enjoy Mount ...
... Island Peak, Nepal, WHERE people need to walk 56 to 65 km to reach A Himalayan peak.
... National Park, New Zealand also THE great destination to go ...

Note: You still fall down some same errors. First, you have strayed the use of the article. Following that, you always write some words repetitively (PEOPLE AND MANY). I do not know why I get bored when I read the last six sentences. It seemed like the list of the data. Please, you harness appropriate linking words, so the readers can find a sense of your summary.

keep spirit...
I am looking forward to meeting your summary..
------------------------

Writing Feedback / The Proportion of Population Aged 65 and over in the United Kingdom - IELTS Task 1 [3]

Hi Fayna.
You have learnt your mistakes. Your writing has been free of the major errors. However, let me help you to improve you writing.
Please, you follow these notes.

... the proportion of THE population aged (...) in the United Kingdom in TWO DIFFERENT YEARS; 1985 and 2035. Overall, it can be seen that THE FIGURES HAVE SHOWN A SIGNIFICANT RISE IN THE LEVEL OF THE POPULATION. MOREOVER, the highest number OF CITIZENS was in Wales and the smallest was in WHEN Northern Ireland TAKES THE LOWEST PERCENTAGE IN THE TIMEFRAME. In any case, the percentage in Wales is going to the top in 2035, and Northern Ireland still the lowest.

To begin with in 1985 INITIALLY, Wales saw the highest percentage approximately 16%, while England was in the second highest SUCCESSFULLY FOLLOWED AS THE SECOND HIGHEST PROPORTION REPRESENTING AT 15%.

Apart from THE previous comparison, (...) and still settled in ON the top. MEANWhile, Scotland is predicted 25%, England ...
... the number of THE population over than (...) and will increase TO roughly 35% in 2035.

[i]Note: You should make the comparison of the figures in each paragraph, so you will get the high score in the writing test. I believe you can show the better progress in the writing if you wanna practice more and more.

Keep spirit
I am looking forward to reading your writing.
Happy Writing
---------------------[/i]

Writing Feedback / The road was by far the most popular of four means of transport; delivery goods by pipeline was rare [4]

Hi Jenlisa.
Welcome to Essay Forum.
I have read your writing closely. Actually, this is a good writing grammatically. However, let me help you finalising yours.
Please, you find my footnotes and deal with those.

The line graph compares the amount of goods STUFFS transported in four different types of transportation in the UK over a period of 28 years; FROM 1974 TO 2002(You have to mention the time clearly).

It is clear that the road was by far the most popular of four means ...
OVERALL, IT CAN BE SEEN THAT A DEMAND OF THE ROAD HAD DOMINATED A STATISTICS WHILE THERE HAD BEEN A RESERVE CONDITION IN THE RATE OF THE PIPELINE IN THE TIMELINE. IN ANY CASE, THE FIGURE OF THE WATER HAD SUCCESSFULLY SURPASSED THE POSITION OF THE RAIL.

(You should make your overview more impressive. Tha key of those ways is comparing the figures. If you do it, you are going to achieve the higher score)

Water and rail transportation were used at similar level, stood at ...
INITIALLY, BOTH FIGURES OF THE WATER AND THE RAIL ALMOST TOOK THE SAME PROPORTION AT APPROXIMATELY 40 MILLION TONNES. IN CONTRAST WITH THAT CIRCUMSTANCE, THE LEVEL PIPELINE STATED ONE EIGHTH AS MUCH IN THE SAME YEAR. million tonnes.

Note: You should create the comparison of the figures in each paragraph, so you will achieve the satisfied score in this section. I believe you can master the writing if you wanna practice more and more.

Keep spirit
I am looking forward to reading your writing.
Happy Writing

Writing Feedback / TED talk: Non-violence struggle by Jamila Raqiib. [2]

Hi Fadhillah..
Please, you meet these corrections, and those make you sure to be better.

in the world. Wars and conflicts THOSE happened in many
Many A BUNCH OF people care about humanity, but they encourage THE wars around the world.
they cannot stop it only SOLELY by admonishing

Actually, most people did not used COMMIT non-violence action
As the result, it improves conflicts between AMONGST women, minorities, ...
... reduce misunderstanding among A community. Some techniques ARE used to end the problem without A battle, such as A protest WHICH can show what (...) make a change signicantly SIGNIFICANTLY.

THE Non-violence works by WITH dilapidating components, not physically,
Also BESIDES THAT, we denied resources of the power .
The non-violence activist discovered there are CONSISTS 198 methods for ...
For example, ONE OF EXAMPLE IS making protests by WITH extendED emblematic to social media.
It is not THE war, but it is a manner ...
... violence but making non-violence obsolutely ABSOLUTELY.

In my point of view, you have ...
... you still make misspelled words.

OVERALL, IT IS A GOOD EFFORT. KEEP SPIRIT..
HAPPY WRITING
---------------------

Writing Feedback / Why genetic research must be more diserve (Ted Talks by Keolu Fox) - Summary [2]

Hi Ashela..
Welcome to Essay Forum.
I am very keen on reading your writing. Actually, it is a good job since it is free of a large number of grammar errors. Nevertheless, there are some things which should be improved. Let me help you to develop your creation.

that aims to mapping and understanding about individual genome ..

Keolu Fox is a researcher who gets A interest to IN his project.

the indegenous INDIGENOUS people of Hawaii, was ...

Interestingly, the most of THE genetic research (...) 4% was done to non-European. Unfortunately, for indegenous INDIGENOUS

to control THE degenerative disease.

... type 2 but the samples was WERE abused to other research such us schizoprenia SCHIZOPHRENIA

make indegenous INDIGENOUS being

about A potential of the use and ...

... attention to conducting more diserve research DISEASE RESEARCHES

about genetic especially to non-European descent and indegenous INDIGENOUS to rich

information about A genetic code of our ancestor, do we? Then, it can be used for better life.

Note: I do not know exactly whether this can be categorized as the summary or not.You included much information in this writing, so it seemed heavy. In the next writing, you should write the summary which consists lees than 150 words.

Overall, it is a good summary.
I am looking forward to meet your writing.

Writing Feedback / Work or travel? The dilemma of adolescents after finishing third school and before beginning college [4]

Hi Halim.
I am delighted to meet this medium. I have read your writing closely. Let me help you to improve you writing skill. I will describe a few notes, I highly hope wanna meet its points and deal with those.

Halim, this is perhaps the first time for you in this section. Based on value indicators of the writing test, you made the huge error. This writing did not consist more than 250 words. trust me, you will get a penalty and your score will be reduced. On the other hand, I cannot get the point of your writing. Task responses of the writing ask you to describe the benefits and detrimental effects of that matter. However, you did not review that with clear data or you write words not relevant to your mind. For example, ".... is teenager could survive to know about the University to be...". What do you mean "survive'? I am sure that it did not relate to this circumstance. As part of those, you need to learn the way to explain your idea clearly in the writing task 2. I did not found a sense in this writing. Actually, you should harness linking words appropriately, so you did not jump from the topic to another topic. Not only you have to sharpen that, but you should understand to arrange the supporting sentences. It is essential in the writing because those will develop your idea.

Turning to the introduction and conclusion paragraph, you should mention the advantages and disadvantages which you generate. Those will give the first glance about substance in your idea. Following that, you should remember that each good paragraph should have more than 2 sentences.

Overall, I appreciate your effort because you wanna try writing. I really believe you are going to master this section if you wanna try again and again. When you provide much time to practice more, the better progress will attend in your process. Keep spirit and enjoy your process.

Happy writing
-----------------

Writing Feedback / Writing IELTS: Children with Obesity (Cause and Effect) [3]

Hi Ilham..
Welcome to Essay Forum.
I am pleased to read your writing since this is free of a large number of the grammar errors, except the use of the article (For example; playing A computer game). Besides that, you harnessed varied words to describe your mind. However, let me help you finalizing this writing so that you can get the higher score in this section.

Turning to the body paragraph, you did not have the strong sentences to support your opinion. Well, you gave the data of the study to encourage, but it is not detailed. I mean that you did not mention where and when the study is conducted. All of your examples seemed the fake information. On condition that it happens in the real test, you cannot get the score more than 6.

On the other hand, your data was not relevant to your opinion
You said thatchildren with obesity are at increased risk of acute and chronic medical problems for instance diabetes mellitus, heart disease, cholesterol, and other chronic illnesses. In addition, childhood obesity also has psychosocial consequences such as low self-esteem and depression.

However, your data is about the similar life of obesity children.

I hope you are going to sharpen your opinion next time.
OVERALL, IT IS A GOOD JOB

Writing Feedback / Fighting for Aleppo, who is the target? [2]

Hi Yusuf.
Welcome to Essay Forum.
You have been the right medium to improve your writing.

If it comes to the grammar, you have passed that well. I think you have mastered the basic grammar. However, you still need improvement for arranging the good paragraph. One of the key rules is that each paragraph should consist more than 2 sentences. You let it through. On the other hand, because you separate the essential information which actually are unity, readers will be confused and do not get the point of your summary. I mean that this jumps from a topic to another topic whereas this writing needs a sense. You do not forget that harnessing the appropriate linking words is the power of the coherence.

I suggest you to read more examples of the summary. Following that, I believe that you will master writing the summary on condition that you practice again and again.

Keep spirit dude.
Happy writing

Writing Feedback / ARTICLE SUMMARY : UNTOLD STORY BEHIND CHILDREN's TALE "The Little Prince" [2]

Hi Atikah, your writing is a good job. You passed the major errors. Let me help you to finalize this.
a curious child, who HAD traveled different
However, just A few individuals (You should know difference of A FEW and FEW).
It was in the middle of 1930, when he was
AfterwardS, Exupery became a THE famous person as his book ...

A Few years later, in the 1944, Exupery passed away when he rode THE plane, working on war investigation.
NOTE:
A few means that not too large but not too small.
e.g., I have a few cars. - This means that 2 or 3 cars are enough for me.

Few means insignificantly small number.
e.g., I have few cars. - This means that 2 or 3 cars that I have are not still enough, I need more cars.

I hope you can write like this or better.
You have to raise frequent of your practice.
Happy Writing.
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Writing Feedback / Mystery of déjŕ vu explained - it's how we check our memories [4]

Azmi, your summary is a good job since I have points of this article after I read your writing. On the other hand, let me help you to improve your summary. Please, you meet my footnotes.

... long run mystery due to the sudden vanish phenomenon that is caused by false calls memories of brain A PHONEMENON VANISHING SUDDENLY. IT IS CAUSED BY FALSE CALLS MEMORIES OF A BRAIN.

... a new method to trigger THE déjŕ vu in A lab despite of the disagreement on the first speculation.
Hippocampus which is a part of brain related S to THE memories...
In fact, the frontal sections was ARE the main actor regarding A probability of transmitting signal, (...) or called memory error was occurED.
O' Connor said that those people who have a healthy head (...) experience no déjŕ vu at all, because if there is noT A trigger to conflict THE memory system, there will be noT THE déjŕ vu,but HOWEVER, he cannot COULD NOT explain it by data yet.

... more common in teenagers besides the reduced working of AND CAN REDUCE THE memory checking system WORKING through ageing.

Note: Sometimes you create the complex sentence but not pay attention to the density of your sentence. It is important to make your sentence varied. However, do not make it heavy to be read. In addition, you should not fall the same mistake, use of the article. Please, you deal with them in the next writing.

I really believe you are going to show the better creation. You only need practice more and more.
HAPPY WRITING
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Writing Feedback / TED talks: Could we cure HIV with lasers? [3]

Hi Mahdi.
You show the better progress in the writing skill since you reduce your mistakes of the grammar. Let me help you ti improve your writing.

Please, meet my notes and pay attention to maintaining your structure.

Nowadays, if we suffer A headache, we swallow A pill of aspirin. Swallowing THE pill is the most (...) medication in THE body. However, there is A big problem in HIV patient.

It can make blood to become dilute (SUBJECT + MAKE + NOUN + ADJECTIVE. IT DOES NOT NEED "BECOME"), WHICH experts usually call it "drug dilution".

Fortunately, there is THE latest technology (THIS IS SUPERLATIVE, DO NOT FORGET TO ADD "THE") that we can deliver anti-HIV ...
Such FOR INSTANCE, a breakthrough technology has been ...
cells to deliver THE drug. Although now it is still testing TESTED in test tubes, but the final goal is applying to THE human body. In the future, such a technology can ...

Note:
You have let through the use of the article (A/An/The). In fact, whereas it is one of the minor errors, it will give a contribution to your score. You should read your writing before you upload because there are some meanings which make readers confused. You should arrange the sentences to be better.

Actually, you will need much time to write in the first week. However, you will master that in more and more days. You struggle and tackle your problems.Trust me, you will be competence in this writing skill if you have a strong desire to practice every day.

The secret key is practicing more and more.

Writing Feedback / Uses of Leisure Time - the best way to rejuvenate body and mind is to spend time in nature [3]

Hi Terminal.
Welcome to Essay Studio being one of the useful websites. I have read your writing closely and found the error.
I really hope that you find my footnotes and deal with those.

NOTE
I really appreciate your writing since you wanna write the summary to improve your English. However, you have to learn more because you need improvement in your writing skills. One of your big problems is misspelling. I think you can read more times before it is uploaded to minimize your errors. Following that, you have to place the article when you write countable nouns.

I personally believe that you show the better progress in this section if you practice writing again and again.
Happy writing..

Writing Feedback / Athletes vs Focus - it fills entire zone of sign is vague. Peripheral vision in sport - summary [3]

Hi Saitama....
Welcome to Essay Studio.
I am delighted to tell you that you have been the right way to enhance your ability. For some minutes, I have read your writing closely. There are some of minor and major errors. I hope you find and follow my notes to deal with those.

Athlete must be have SHOULD HAVE focus to do well their job WELL.
... your entire zone of A sign is vague, simply obscure ...
IT Is imperative to pay (...) where we need to focused in FOCUS ON (YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT ON IS THE COLLOCATION OF FOCUS) our vision. An athlete's execution upon preparing visual capacities (WHERE IS YOUR MAIN VERB?. EACH SENTENCE HAS TO CONSIST OF SUBJECT AND MAIN VERB). The athlete's requeres quick checking with THE visual focus ON changing quickly ... (This is really messy) THE ATHLETE QUICKLY REQUIRES CHECKING WITH THE VISUAL WHICH FOCUSES ON CHANGING AMONGST DIFFERENT SEPARATIONS . Following THE quick object is frequently compliated COMPLICATED, the head movement must organize with THE eye to help with equalization. There are many disorders that can visual sharpness decrease A DECREASE SHARPLY like differentiating (...) lighting WHICH will help THE athlete to focus. As the eyes move all through focus, there is an obscure between every delay (WHAT DO YOU MEAN ABOUT THIS SENTENCE?. I HAVE NOT GOT THE POINT). This is when visual following mistakes can happen. the anticipation is found out and honed craftsmanship, from numerous points of view (REWRITE THIS SENTENCE SINCE IT MAKE READER CONFUSED). The reckoning WHICH is learned then doing practiced, will serve the athlete well.

Note: I appreciate your writing because you wanna begin writing. However, you have to strive because you need improvement in your writing skills. The readers will be confused when they read some sentence of your writing as the meanings are gained. You create the complex sentence, but it is not arranged well. You forgot to place the conjunction whereas it is essential. One of the major mistakes is misspelling. I think you can read more times before it is uploaded to minimize your errors.

I really believe that you will be competence in this section if you wanna struggle practicing more and more.
happy writing..
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Writing Feedback / An info - how long it took to go arround the city before and after the transport was improved [2]

Hi Atikah..
In this writing, you have presented the big problem. You will get a penalty for your score when you conduct the test. It is because you write less than 150 words. Please, you strive and fight your obstacle. I hope you do not commit the same matter.

The graph shows how long it took to go arround AROUND the city before and after ...
ON THE OTHER HAND, (YOU NEED A TRANSITIVE WORD SO THAT YOUR TOPIC DOES NOT JUMP DIRECTLY) The bar chart tell DISPLAYS how much it costs to use different typeS of the transport ...

Taxi was IS the fastest vehicle ...
ONE The other hand, THE tram took less tim TIME than THE bus journey (...) but after the improvement DEVELOPING it turned out six minutes different . THE Tram still served faster than before.

... it was around 0.40 poundS sterling so that it made (...) very useful for backpacker A TOURIST who needed cheaper accommodation. The other alternative for rambler was IS THE tram, (...) cheaper than THE taxi, although higher than THE bus.

Note:
If This writing is measured, you will get the low score. I have found a large number of mistakes grammatically. However, I personally believe you only need more time to practice. You have to strive to achieve the task respond of writing indicators. Besides that, you should review my suggestions previously as you fall the same problem. I will underline the lessons which you should learn.

1. Verb Agreement
2. Use of the article (A/ An/The)
3. Harnessing the transitive words.
4 Comparing the figures of the writing task 1
5. Determining the general trend written in the first paragraph.

In fact, you will need much time to write in the first week. However, you will master that in more and more days. You struggle and deal with your problems.Trust me, you will be competence in this skill if you have a strong desire to practice every day.

Keep spirit.
^_^

Writing Feedback / Travelling to Work in Houston and the most popular choice of transportation - IELTS Task 1 [2]

Hi Farida.
Let me help you. We will establish the good writing together. Please, you meet my footnote and tackle those.

The table explains about the kindS of transport (...) to work and and the bar charts shows how much (...) form of THE transport.
Overall, the most common vehicle is cars with only one person and it causes more pollution than combination of other vehicles.
(You only describe the data. I hope you can conduct improvisation with engaging the meaning of the data. Pay attention to my example below)

OVERALL, IT CAN BE SEEN OBVIOUSLY THAT CITIZEN IN HOUSTON TENDS TO DRIVE AN AUTOMOBILE NOT ENGAGING OTHER PASSENGERS WHEREAS ITS POLLUTION SUPPLIES THE HIGHEST PROPORTION. IN ANY CASE, WHILE THE YOUNGEST PEOPLE OF CATEGORIES PREFER USING A CYCLE OR WALK, A TRAIN OR BUS SUCCESSFULLY GAINS ATTENTION OF THE CITIZENS AGED AVERAGE 47 YEARS.

... the most popular means of transport IN THIS CIRCUMSTANCE is THE car at 48 per cent while THE cycle or walk is the least common transport at 4 per cent ONE TWELVETH AS MUCH (Make it more varied, be not rigid). THE Car with one person outnumbering THE train OR bus by 5 per cent. THE Car with more than.

The vehicle which causeS the most pollution is THE car with driver only ...
THE Car with 3 pasangers PASSENGERS has lower CO2 emission....

Note: Please, You pay attention to my improvements given previously. In fact, you show some of the same mistakes. First of all, you learn about locating the article. You have to remember that Countable Noun must have the article (A/An/The). It is the minor error, but your score will be influenced. After that, each paragraph should have more than 2 sentences. Lastly, you must find the sense of the writing task 1. It is how you can compare amongst the figures.

I believe you can show the better progress the next term.
I advise you should read more examples of the writing so that you can find the sense of writing flow.
Keep spirit
Happy writing.

Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1: Summaries of the dissimilar time before and after expansion and it cost in traveling [2]

Hi Hikuma.
I am always curious to read your writing. In a couple of days, you show the better progress. However, I will give you suggestions about the essential grammar in the writing task 1. Let me explain that.

There are two PIECES OF information shared IN the table and the bar chart.
The table explained EXPLAINS about the different time before and after improvements made to OF the transport network, while the bar chart told DISPLAYS (You should utilize the simple present as you show the fact.)

The table presents GIVES THE KEY POINT that the fastest way to journey before improvement was A taxi.
It took TAKES nine minutes.
Different with THE taxi, THE TIME SPENT BY the tram was is reduced 6 minutes
There were ARE two forms
Note: I do not exactly know why you have not attached the picture. In the next term, you have to pay attention. I think you should harness the simple present since you review abut the fact data. Following that, I know that abusing the article (a/an/the) is the minor error, but it will affect your score. One of the essential factors is to include the language of the comparison. I did not sense the impressive information because it seemed listing the data.

I suggest you to read more examples of the writing task 1 so that you can get the primary point for measurement indicator of the writing.

Practice is the key to improve your English.
Practice more and more.
--------------------------------

Writing Feedback / Dealing with people is the most essential skills according to choices of 60% respondents in 1997 [2]

Hi Daya.
Welcome to EF. Fortunately, you have been the right way to improve your writing.
Let me help you to finalize your information in this writing. I hope you can follow notes which I create especially for you.

This table shows us the result of two surveys in TWO DISTINCT YEARS; 1997 and 2006. Those surveys conducted DESCRIBE the percentage of which communication skills were (Actually this is written 'WHICH WERE", BUT I OMITTED THAT) essential in their (REFERS TO..?????)job. The communication itself consist of two main different types; external and internal (within company) WHICH HAS INCLUDED ELEMENTS OF A COMPANY. Therefore, THE external communication skills are more likely TO reached THE higher ...

Dealing with peoples is the most essential skills according..
The percentages went up by 5% in THE latest year.
... or service was gone down from 24% to 21% IN THIS PERIOD.
has rose RISEN by 9% from THE previous survey as well.

Note:
This is a good job for the first meeting. However, you pay attention to some rules in the writing. You have to understand about placing the article (A/An/The). It is important although that is only the minor error. Following that, you should sometimes conduct OMITTING or REDUCING in your sentence. Those will make your complex sentences light to be read. One of the key powers in the writing task 1 is a comparison of the figures. Your writing does not seem impressive since it lacks the comparisons. Trust me, if you wanna achieve the higher score, you must do it.

I really believe that you will show the better progress the next time. You need to practice more and more.
Keep spirit. happy writing.

Writing Feedback / TED Talks : Track Your Happiness; Want to be Happier? Stay in the Moment. [2]

Hi Dinar.
Let me help you again. I hope these will improve your grammar when you create the writing in the next step.
You should make you sure that you have met these footnotes.

In instant FIRST GLANCE, we will (...) or person, and then started (YOU SHOULD BE CONSISTENT FOR USE OF THE TENSE) to think about our self,

However, it becomes a paradox, when individuals get what they want, . (IT IS SO HEAVY TO BE READ. YOU NEED TO WRITE THE SIGN OF FULL STOP, NOT COMMA)

it doesn't DOES NOT ( NEVER EVER EVER COMMIT CONSTACTIONS AT THE FORMAL WRITING) mean that
Using scientific methods and demografic, BY the scientists experimentwhat is the big
... gender, and marriage, . but NEVERTHELESS, if talking about general is contents
can help citizens TO trail their cheerfulness
There are three stepS to make this app works.

Note: I appreciate your writing. You have shown the better progress. However, you should pay attention to contents of your writing and the grammar. I think you might get pleasure when you write the sentence. You have sometimes written the heavy paragraph. I hope you read more to get the point of your summary. In some moments, you write the sign of full stop, but the comma is used there. Following that, you do not cause to be present the CONTRACTIONS in your summary.

I believe that you will show the positive progress immediately.
Practice more and more.
--------------------------------

Writing Feedback / Summary Article : Selfish Dogs Would Rather play with a Toy than help a Human [2]

Hi Farida..
I have still found the grammar errors in your writing. These are my corrections to finalise the better result. You have to pay attention to the grammar because it takes a position at the criteria of the high score. You should meet these improvements.

Many people says that A dogs are the best friend for human. In the reality, many A LARGE NUMBER / PLENTY / A WIDE RANGE OF (You should not write "Many" frequently) dogs are more selfish. THE Dogs prefer to play with their toys than to help THE human or they do not understand the request from THE human. To find out about this thing, Piotti and Juliane Kaminski doing CONDUCTED a research with 24 samples in the lab. they put staplers STAPLES. As the result, THE dog playS often with their toy RATHER than the notebook

Note: Honestly, you should locate more time to read your summary. I have found a sense of your writing. Your flow cannot engage to get the point of your summary. I suggest you harness the linking words appropriately. After that, you concentrate use of the article. It is a grammar basic so that you can pass that. This summary contains a bit of repetitive (Frequently use MANY). Be careful of miss-spelling.

I believe that you will show your better efforts the next writing..
I am looking forward to meeting your writing.

Writing Feedback / Summary out of an article: Sports help heal in the darkest of times [4]

What is the effect of placing the forever in middle of sentence and in the end of sentence?
THE attack will FOREVER be remembered IT'S WRONG. THE ATTACK WILL BE FOREVER REMEMBERED .... (ADVERB IS LOCATED AFTER "TO BE" OR OBJECT)

Writing Feedback / Summary an article III: First wearable brain scanner to probe people with amazing gifts [2]

Hi Fadhylah.
I am delighted to read your writing.
In my perspective, you have shown the better progress.
I believe you will give better the next writing.
overall, it is a good job.

is an instrument to reads (VERB AGREEMENT) brain processes
Although, it allowS in the brain of the average people. But , it helps the researchers .. (Although S V, S V)--- S; Subject V; verb

PET scanner followS by radioactive tracer, and ...
When the molecule in the cells useS for vigor. , The scanner WILL establish THE 3D picture in our body, chiefly in ON the brain's part that working (You should use comma-- When SV, SV)

Although the scanner workS by radioactive, but it uses in tiny doses.
that they didn't DID NOT (DO NOT CONSTACTIONS IN THE FORMAL WRITING)know.