Writing Feedback / The percentage of elderly aged over 65 in USA, Japan and Sweden from 1940 to 2040 - IELTS [3]

Hi Ainun, I will give you a few corrections.
Actually, based on the systematic, you can successfully write this well. However, you cannot call an attention of the examiner if your overview is less interesting. You brought the data to flat information although you can impress the examiner through the overview. This below is the example of my offering.

Overall, it is clearly seen that the number of people aged over 65 years is more totally each year for those three big countries. In any case, the population for this category has shown the immense change rather the other countries.

Ainun, you are actually able to explore the data more and make your body paragraph more interesting. You are supposed to convert your data to forms of the equation so that those are more various. It seemed usual description because you only bring the data rigidly. In my view, you have shown your data unbalanced between the first and second body. You need to develop your ability in grouping the data.

Hopefully, those can help you to enhance your ability.
Happy Writing

Writing Feedback / IETLS Writing task 1 - 'Parkway Hotel customer service' pie chart [4]

Hi Vi, I have read your writing closer and found a few improvements you need.
Firstly, you actually presented an overview in your introductory paragraph, but it is not fascinating. You directly place the data in the paragraph and did not try to analyze the data. You are supposed to bring the data to the meaningful sentence. Besides that, please avoid using detailed information in the overview because the primary aim of showing the overview is to give a general illustration about what you will explain in the body paragraph. You can say that " Visitors of Parkway Hotel had been more pleased with service conducted by the employee in that 5-year period".

After that, you focus on the language of the data so that you have not shown a bravery to explore the data. You have used the same words to describe the information. Honestly, you play this safely. If you wanna a higher score, you are supposed to find the interesting data and compare their condition. Following this, keep in your mind that you should write at least in the paragraph.

Overall, you have shown the positive improvement.
Happy Writing

Writing Feedback / The line graph depicts the different modes of transportation used by the country United Kingdom [6]

Hi Sajee, In my vantage point, you have needed a few improvements for finalizing your writing.

Firstly, I only wanna remind you that you are supposed to write at least three sentences in every paragraph. Therefore, you should merge the first and second paragraph for meeting the requirement. Following this, your overview required a little development. When you wanna get a high score, you should make that more meaningful and use words which meet the meaning in reality. For example, you can write like this below.

Overall, it is important to note that the transportation through the road had always become the first choice for transporting the commodities. Meanwhile, the lowest goods had been delivered by citizens of UK with using pipeline track.

Turning to your body paragraph, honestly your sentences were less impressive. If you wanna the high score, you have to present comparison directly. You seemed to play safely. Those seemed listing data and not to compare. Keep in your mind that your job in writing task 1 is to compare figures, not to describe the data separately. Besides that, your way to display the number was not various. You can convert your information to the numbers of comparison such as "a half".

Hopefully, those suggestions can help you to enhance your score.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Essay about the importance of spending money on the arts [3]

Hi Martina, I have read your essay and found some errors which you are supposed to improve. Hopefully, you can meet my notes and deal with them.

Firstly, your introductory paragraph actually is good because your position can stand out. However, you made a minor error and can influence your score. You changed the meaning. There is the clear different between "some" and "many" in the first sentence. Besides that, you should write at least three sentences in each paragraph for meeting the requirement.

After that, when I reviewed your body paragraph, I honestly admit that you have not answered the prompts given because you should focus on your view. To get a high score, you are supposed to explain your reasons why you argued that those sectors are imprortant in the life. All you pour in the first and second body paragraph.

lastly, please you restate your thesis statement in the conclusion. Don't present the new perspective beacuse that can confuse the readers and reduce your score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Practice more and more, I really believe you can master this section
Happy Writing.

Writing Feedback / The way international associations help developing countries [4]

Hi Nguyen, welcome to Essay. I hope you can harness this medium as well as possible because you can improve your skill in this website. In this moment, I and others will find a difficulty to give you more because you did not present prompts so that we have not know guideline from edges of what you should explain. However, I am gonna try offering a few suggestion generally.

Nguyen, please you meet the requirement when you write a paragraph. You are supposed to write at least three sentences in each sentence. Turning to your grammar, you have been confused about the usage of verb agreement. There you should place verb+s/es, but you forgot. Actually, there is a paramount thing which you should focus. Your flow is not enough good, which can confuse readers to understand what you mind. Keep in your mind that your job in the writing task 2 is to communicate with the examiners so that you are supposed to guide them to geeting the point from your essay.

Honestly, I have not foudn the key points of your essay because there is a corelation between what you will describe atthe thesis statement in the introcutory paragraph and the first sentence in the first paragraph. Unfortunately, you also did not display the requirement so that I have not known what you want to achieve in this explanation.

Hopefully, you include the statement/ question in the next essay so that we can know the prompts of the essay.
Happy writing

Writing Feedback / Unveiling crimes using sophisticated technology [6]

Hi Nur, please you review my corrections so that you don't fall in the same mistakes.
Actually, you can present the paraphrase of the statement well. however, the last sentence in the introductory paragraph confuse readers about what you are gonna explained in the body paragraph. In the first glance, that seemed a minor error. Nevertheless, after I read the whole sentence, it can appear multi-interpretation. Remember that the meaning of the sentence is paramount. You cannot write deliver the vocabulary to describe your mind without prioritizing the meaning.

Turning to your body paragraph, you picked up the disadvantage enough good, but your reason does not relate to that. You are supposed to explain the cause why you said that the device can distrupt the private area, not to review the right of people about the private area. It is enough far from the prompt. In the second body paragraph, I have found a odd sentence. The second sentence broke your flow because that sentence actually can be merge with the first sentence so that it can keep cohesion of your essay.

For the conclusion sentence, avoid adding the other subjek. You explained benefit for the police although you did not mention in the introduction and body paragraph. I remind you that only restate the thesis statement without the other explanation.

Hopefully, those can help more.
GOOD LUCK FOR YOUR ACTUAL TEST

Undergraduate / I come from an irrelevant field to the course.. - SG Institute of Technology Statement [3]

Hi Russel, I have read your writing. In my point of view, this is actually a good job, but you have needed a few improvements.

I think you directly present your passion in the first paragraph and give strong supporting sentences why you really like that subject. Honestly, your explanation about your favorite job did not afford to bridge your the first and second paragraph. It seemed an odd thing. It is better on condition that you explore your reason why you have tended to learn the subject.

Following that, you have lacked the explanation about your experience in a work field. You also need sharpening your reason why that is able to encourage your choice. What strength got from your employment timeframe enhance your skill. Furthermore, you can place your first paragraph after you explained those topics because it relates to your goal. That can keep coherence of your writing. However, you don't forget to deliver proper linking words to create the good flow so that you can guide readers to understand your mind.

To impress them, you can mention a course attracting you to be learned. You can review briefly about what you hope to achieve in the course. It will give a drawing that you have prepared to interface the courses in the college.

Hopefully, those can help you to finalize your writing.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What measures can be taken? [6]

Hi Lam, I wanna give you my review of your essay. You have needed a few improvement for finalizing this.
In the first paragraph, you have shown a thesis statement. However, you require developing that if you wanna obtain a high score. You are used to giving general description briefly about what you would review in the body paragraph. Two or three words can become your representation about your opinion to cover underline of them. In addition, you seemed confused to decide when you want to locate a conjunction and linking word. As we know, the linking word is essential because it can create the good flow which influences your score for coherence. Therefore, you have to be aware of delivering the proper transitional words.

Turning your body paragraph, You should present a supporting sentence for your second reason in the first body paragraph. Personally, I guess your sentence is less strong and can become a layman's opinion. Following this, you mentioned a solution, but you did not explain that strongly. The statement "The government must eliminate corruption" did not have the supporting sentence to make sure readers that it is the solution. Unfortunately, your example in the second body paragraph could not strengthen your view because you did not display the clear and related example. For the conclusion, you have to develop that again. When you can create the meaningful thesis statement, I think you can write the good conclusion because you only paraphrase the thesis statement previously. You only restate your view again. Besides that, you have to remember that the good paragraph should have at least 3 sentences.

Hopefully, those can give suggestions for your essay.
Happy Writing

Writing Feedback / Lights and shadows of being a known person [4]

Hello Xuan, I have read your essay. In my view, you need some improvements, especially the structure because you displayed your essay unsystematically.
Xuan, when you wanna start writing an essay, please you paraphrase the statement to get an attention of an examiner. You need to develop your introduction through paraphrasing. Then, you should mention briefly what benefits and drawbacks of that matter so that readers that obtain general view what you would explain in the body paragraph if you wanna get a high score. For your grammar, avoid using a contraction in a formal writing.

Turning to your body paragraph, you actually did not answer prompts given entirely. Its reason is because you tended to review about negative effects of being the celebrity although you have to explain both sides. As we know, you wanna argue that being the celebrity bring more the benefits, but you are supposed to include its drawbacks. Honestly, you cannot get score more than 5 because you did not deal with those task responses given.

Following that, you are supposed to write a conclusion. It is made from restating what you write in the thesis statement. Hopefully, you don't make a new explanation and the conclusion relates what you review in the body paragraph. Lastly, I think it is enough and better if you only write 4 paragraphs to present your essay.

I hope those can help you finalizing your essay and improve your skill

Writing Feedback / Discussion about young people ignoring some traditional beliefs [4]

Hello Zeal, welcome to Essay Forum. This is a proper medium for improving your writing skill.
I have read your essay closely. Honestly, there were many things you should improve. In the first sentence, you are gonna lose your score because you can display the meaning of the given statement. It is meant that you could not successfully paraphrase the statement and in my vantage point that is very different. Unfortunately, that you did in the first sentence so that the examiner will easily know your mistakes what you can review in the next sentences. Following that, your thesis statement at the last sentence in the same paragraph was less strong to show what you would review in the body paragraph.

Turning to the body paragraphs, I cannot give you many comments because you are not able to answer the prompts clearly. Your both body paragraphs are so messy and readers could not get what you wanna achieve there. I suggest you that you are supposed to review causes of the matter in the first and the solution in the second so that those seem better and systematically. On tha other hand, your conclusion did not cover what you have mentioned. Keep in your mind that the conclusion should restate what you reviewed in the body paragraph, but it is explained briefly. In other words, to make the conclusion, you paraphrase your thesis statement.

In fact, you have not met requirement succesfully, so you can get the high score hardly. I believe you can understand and master this quickly if you wanna provide your time to read examples of essay. Happy writing, GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Learning a foreign language can be optimal in primary school, but the real language may bemuse them [3]

Hi Aini, please you meet my notes for finalizing this.
Firstly, others can not give feedback totally because you did not include the statement or question entirely. In this moment, I am gonna offer suggestions based on what I got in your prompt. You have still made a few mistakes grammatically. For example, you could not distinguish when you use since/ because/ because of. It probably seemed like the minor error, but that can disrupt the original meaning of what you mind. Then, you should remove your last sentence in the first paragraph because it was a repetitive idea of two previous sentences. You would seem explaining that around the same topic and can reduce points at the lexical resource.

Turning to the first body paragraph, there were many errors. You have to place a comma at "The pupils in primary school,who learn foreign languages" or replace the word "in primary school". I think what you write is not what you mind. After that, your flow is not good enough. Readers are gonna find a difficulty to understand your sentence. You can make a large number of the complex sentences, but you stay keeping the flow. Honestly, it seemed so messy. I only remind that your job in the writing task 2 is to communicate with others, not to press them so that you should display well. Following that, you have still fallen in misspelling. Please, you double check, so you do not lose the score because of a minor error.

Hopefully, those can help you to improve your skill.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 - Reference Letter for a job - Request from a Teacher [4]

Hi Tanner, Welcome to Essay Forum. Hopefully, you can harness this as well as possible for improving your essay.
Actually, this letter is enough good, but it has still needed improvement. Firstly, please you introduce yourself briefly to remind your teacher or make him sure that you are someone which he minded. You need to arrange your explanation systematically so that you can create a good flow. When you mentioned that you are gonna apply for a job, you are supposed to explain why you wanna choice that. Don't present its reasons in the separate paragraph for keeping the flow. Furthermore, you have required more strong statement why you wanna become an employee there.

Following that, you make sure that what you write is what you mind. There were a few of messy sentences which you should rewrite to keep coherence and cohesion. In addition, to a high score, you are used to delivering proper linking words to make this flow smoother.

I really hope those can help you for finalizing your letter.

Writing Feedback / Factors which have an influence on men and women [3]

Hi Maitou, there were a few improvements you needed.
First, make sure that you write is in your mind. I think there is the sentence inappropriately. You don't write "which have an influence", but it's better if you wrote "influencing female and male happiness". Following that, you should write at least three sentences in each paragraph to meet the requirement. Actually, you can add a sentence for your overview so that it consists of two sentences.

Turning to your first body paragraph, based on my assessment, you could not get the high score because you missed one of essential prompts. You are supposed to compare figures because there were three factors similar between men and women. It made your explanation less fascinating. Well, you exactly compared the data, but that happened in the second paragraph. You unsuccessfully review the figures entirely since you really focused on the female events.

To understand the seanse of writing task 1, I suggest you to read more example. Hopefully, those my suggestions can help you for improving your skill.

GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing the topic is about laws and society [3]

Hi Michele,
I have read your writing closely and found some you have to improve. Please, meet my notes and deal with them.
Unfortunately, you will be penalized because you did not meet the important requirement in the writing task 2. In this essay, you are supposed to write at least 250 words and you failed. Pay attention to this circumstance because that can reduce your score in an actual test. For your contents, you have missed the essential element. Reviewers could not find your position about that issue. There is nothing for thesis statement although that is paramount to answer prompts of the question. Honestly, you could not obtain a high score in this essay.

Turning to your body paragraph, your flow is not good enough. Its reason is because your example did not relate to your view, even can confuse readers. Honestly, what you reviewed is different with what the question asked. Please, you keep your relating topic to answer the question well.

Hopefully, those can hep to finalize this essay
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Unhealthy convenience food - Task 2 IELTS Writing module [5]

Hi Hadeel, welcome to Essay Forum. It is a right place to improve and assess your writing.

Honestly, this writing has still needed many improvements. One of your big mistakes is that your flow in this essay is not good enough. Its reason is simple that you did not present your idea systematically. I think there were a large number of redundant sentences which could not answer the prompts given. For example, the first two sentences explained the topic widely. To make the introductory paragraph, you only need paraphrasing the statement and create a thesis statement which gives a general description about what you would review in the body paragraph. For your case, you only required two body paragraphs. Those are enough to review and display the answer of the prompts detailed. Following this, you are supposed to keep in your mind that the good paragraph should consist of at least thress sentences if you wanna meet the requirement in the formal writing. In the fourth paragraph, you write the conclusion of this matter and if it's important, you can include afew sugesstions for that circumstance. In this moment, I believe you cannot get more than 5 because you cannot fix the question.

Please, you read more exampes of the writing task 2 so that you recognize the basic elements in the essay.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Ielts task 2 - An increasing trend of living or studing abroad [4]

Hi Maitouyen, these below are my corrections for finalizing this essay.

Firstly, you actually displayed your overview, However, if you wanna get a higher score, you should mention drawbacks and benefits which you will explain in the body paragraph, represented in a short sentence. You don't need to include its reasons, only keyword of your view. Following this, I reckon you have not got the meaning of prompts given. You are supposed to review benefits what they can get while working in another country, not to come back from overseas. That I found at the example you gave in the first body paragraph. You failed to show a logical flow to present your view.

Generally, the body paragraph consists of two or three paragraphs. However, you wrote those over. It's better on condition that you marge between the first and second paragraph, and between the third and fourth paragraph. After that, please you avoid making a contraction in the essay. That might be a minor error, but that can reduce your score more if you make many contractions. For your conclusion paragraph, you should create it from paraphrasing the thesis statement. Besides that, you don't include your personal statement in this essay beacuse the question does not ask you.

Hopefully, those can help you
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Annual expenditure in Scotland - comparing pie charts [2]

Hi Agus, I have read your writing closely. There I found a few things you are supposed to fix them.
Firstly, if you wanna achieve a high score, pay attention to the collocation of your word. For example, you wrote "spend in" although word "spend" relates to the preposition "on". This is actually a minor error, but that can reduce your score on condition that you do repetitively. After that, please keep in your mind that the good paragraph should have at least three sentences to meet the requirement. You can separate your overview to become two sentences so that you can build the good paragraph.

Turning to the body paragraph, you actually made comparisons in your sentence. However, you have to be more aware of the number. If you wanna compare the percentage of the figure, you are used to including the beginning position such as the percentage of the education sector. Following this, double check your sentence. You have to make sure what your write is what you mind. In the first sentence of the second body paragraph, you didn't put the time information. Be careful of that treatment because it can make your score falls.

Hopefully, these can help you for finalizing your writing
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / The comparison of local government expenditure in each category in Someland [2]

Hi Tami, I have read your writing closely. Following this, I found a few things you have to fix for finalizing this writing task 1.
Firstly, there were some unclear sentences. Your job in the writing is to communicate so that you don't make reviewers confused to understand your writing. You said that the figure dominated. What did the figure dominate? That is a vague information. Besides, the last sentence of the first paragraph seemed like layman's sentence. It is meaningless, so that can not give useful information for readers.

Turning to the body paragraph, keep in your mind that you have to mention the detailed information there. Well, exactly we do not need to deliver all figures, only the interesting data. However, when you order that data, you are supposed to include the percentage. You cannot say that the figure experienced the fluctuation because you entered in the body paragraph. I suggest you read more examples of writing task 1 and review them to get the sense of the writing task 1. Your score is gonna fall down especially the task achievement because you did not display the proper data. Please, pay attention to this matter. Lastly, you are used to being aware of use of articles. It is a minor error, but that can reduce your score if that occurs many times.

Hopefully, those can help you. The key to master this section is practicing more and more.
Happy writing
^_^

Writing Feedback / Energy Production Chart In America [4]

Hi Truong, I have read your writing closely and found that you needed a few improvements.
Firstly, harness proper linking words to keep cohesion of your writing. If you wanna display an overview, you can use an intro "Overall, it is important to note". Following that, your score is gonna fall down because you deliver the wrong information in the overview. You said that Coal is the main source although it clearly seemed that Oil is the primary source. Be careful of picking the data.

Turning to your body paragraph, honestly your description is less interesting because you did not compare figures each other. On condition that you wanna get a high score, you are supposed to compare them. For example,

"Initially, coal broke a record as the highest percentage of energy used in America, representing at 42%. Meanwhile, hydroelectric and nuclear power were only generated less than an eightieth of coal's percentage."

Actually, your writing is a good job, but it's better if you display comparisons in each paragraph and deliver a variety of vocabulary to get the high score

Hopefully, my corrections can finalize your writing.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Natural Versus Nurture, which do you consider to be the major influence? [2]

Hi Reza, I have read this essay closely. In my vantage point, your essay is a good job, but you have still needed a few improvements to achieve a high score.

When you wanna deliver a noun, you have to recognize that the noun is countable or not. The word "natural" is the countable noun so that you don't forget to place articles. Perhaps, you think that is a minor error, but that word relates to a keyword of your topic. If you make many minor errors, there is not a doubt that your score will be reduced. In any case, you use more pronoun "it". I guess you can use other words such as "the factor" and "this". It is important to show that you have a variety of vocabulary, which can enhance your score for the lexical resource.

You are supposed to strengthen your idea in the first body paragraph by using the relating example. Actually, you displayed the example, but it has still seemed vague information. It's better if you directly a famous person as the example, relating to your description. I believe you can do that in the next term. After that, a closer look at your second body reveals that there was a statement which broke your flow.

if they are not improving it, their talent will not evolve

In my view, you should place that in end of the first body paragraph. That can become a concession being able to support your opinion in the next paragraph. Exactly you can find a difficulty in arranging the good flow, but you can master this on condition that you read more examples of the essay. Lastly, you have to recognize a difference between a conjunction and linking word. There was officially a linking word, but you picked the conjunction up. Please be aware of delivering proper linking words to create the good flow. It is paramount because your job in the writing task 2 is to communicate so that you endeavor how reviewers can read your essay easily.

Hopefully, those can help you for finalizing your essay.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / The attendance of Higher education students in the class [3]

Hi Sriwidayani, I have read your writing closely. Turning to a detailed description, I have found you have needed a few improvement.
First, if you wanna get a high score, you are supposed to show clearly what you will explain in the body paragraph. I meant you included the keywords of your perspective in your thesis statement. Avoid using layman opinion such as "this essay will review several justifications". Honestly, you got a big problem for your explanation in the first body paragraph. Yours seemed explaining a different topic. That seemed you compared between school and university curricula. Please, you focus on the topic. Make sure that what you write is what you mind. Following that, you have still made a large number of minor errors grammatically. You still get confused clearly of usage of the article. There were problems of verb agreement. Well, those are minor errors, but they can reduce your score because you do it more.

For your conclusion, your statement confuses reviewers. Actually, you only need to paraphrase your thesis statement to figure out the conclusion. However, I personally think that your progress is good because you have got the basic pattern in writing the essay.

I believe you can master this section on condition that you wanna practice more and more

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task1 writing British donating people [2]

Hello Amal, I have read your review in this writing. I found many improvements you need. Please, you meet my notes and deal with them.

1. Be careful of picking a conjunction up. I think you make a mistake in delivering the conjunction at the first sentence. It's better you use the connector conjunction "and". Please, you double check your sentence to make sure that you write is what you mind. That really broke your sentence.

2. I suggest you merge between the first and second paragraph to meet the requirement in writing a good paragraph. Keep in your mind that the good paragraph has at least three sentences. Following this, your overview is less strong to describe attractive trends in the bar chart.

3. Avoid using a contraction (it's) in the formal writing. That is a minor error, but if you do more, it can reduce your score.

4. Don't use the word "for example" because it seemed that you will give perception about the bar chart although it is prohibited in the writing task 1.

5. Believe me that you cannot get the high score in this moment because you forgot one of the essential prompts. You are supposed to present comparisons in this writing. I only wanna remind that your job in the writing task 1 is to compare figures, not to describe separately. Make sure that your writing has had that sense.

Hopefully, those can help you for finalizing this writing.

Writing Feedback / Life among the crowd or in a remote area? [4]

Hi Hoang, I have read your writing and found plenty of problems here. Please, you meet my notes and deal with them.
The biggest problem you face is to meet the essential requirement. This essay would get a lower score because it consisted of less than 250 words. If you can do it in the real test of IELTS, an examiner will be able to give you a penalty. Thus, you have to pay attention to this requirement. Following this, your thesis statement is no clear in the first paragraph. You are supposed to describe briefly what you would in the body paragraphs. That can help reviewers to get a general description.It is a good way to guide the reviewers to understanding this essay. It is sufficient to write a short sentence.

For your body paragraph, as I am concerned, you tended to list your idea. This is an essay so that you should explain systematically. Unfortunately, you mentioned that you are gonna review three benefits, but you only show two advantages. Please, you don't confess the reviewers about the beginning information in each paragraph. After that, you did not elucidate the negative effects as well. Your supporting sentences in two body paragraph are less strong. For grammar, avoid using a contraction in the formal writing and deliver proper linking words to create the good flow in this essay.

Hopefully, those can help you for finalizing this.

Writing Feedback / Should we help people from other countries ? [3]

Hi Linh, I have read your essay closely. I think this is a good job. However, I have a few suggestion for finalizing your essay.

Actually, you have constructed your essay systematically.You successfully have paraphrased the question given. Besides, you have shown your position clearly and given the short description about what you explained in the body paragraph. For your flow, I suppose that is good because I have known points of your essay and understood easily. You only need to fix your second body paragraph. In the thesis statement, you said that you disagree with the opinion and display your reason, your second body did not relate to prompt. You are supposed to concentrate on your reason why you said that we should not focus on our community. There was a topic which tended to explain how to help other countries. I have not found your logical flow in the second body to support your view in this case. I believe you are able to build the paragraphs better, but you don't leave the edge of prompts. On the other hand, you have to pay attention to delivering words. Please, pick up proper word to describe what you mind. It can affect your score in the indicator of the lexical resource.

To fix your problem, make sure that you have found all keyword in the prompts, including the minor keywords.

Writing Feedback / The percentage of students who studied at four types of secondary schools over a period of ten years [4]

Hi Anh, I have seen your writing closely and found a few improvements. Please, you meet my notes and deal with them.
For your paragraph structure, I think this is enough good. However, you should merge between your overview and paraphrase of the question in a paragraph. Keep in your mind that the good paragraph is expected to have at least three sentences. Following that, your problem in this writing is that you played safely. I meant you only describe the data separately without comparisons. Actually, candidates of IELTS are asked to compare figures, not to describe separately. You cannot get a high score if you do not do that because it is one of given prompts in the writing task 1. You are supposed t make your data more various. Those are displayed generally in the percentage, whereas you can convert to fraction form and use to compare other figures. Besides, be careful of misspellings. Well, that is a minor error, but if you do more, it can reduce your score.

Hopefully, those can help you for finalizing this

Writing Feedback / What students did after leaving college, without job? Describing The Graph. [8]

Hi Syita, I have read your writing closely and found a few improvement you have needed.
Firstly, you have to afford to distinguish among kind of words. There was a word which you put a noun, but you located an adjective. That is a minor error, but it can reduce your score if you do many times. Following that, you are supposed to add the article "the" on condition that you wanna write a superlative word. Please, you deal with them to maximize your score.

After that, keep in your mind that the good paragraph has at least three sentences. You have to meet the requirement to create coherence and cohesion better. Apart from that, you have difficulty to achieve a high score. I only give you score less than 6 because you played safely. I suggest you make comparisons in the body paragraphs. However, there is more likely to list the data. You should compare the figures directly to reach the high score. One of the prompts in the writing task 1 is presenting comparisons.

Make sure that you have written the overview in the writing task 1 because it is essential to reach the good score. It can show the interesting trend which happens in the bar chart. You can write that in the introductory paragraph.

Hopefully, those can help you for finalizing this.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Writing IELTS task 1 - Inflow of Foreign Workers in Australia 1992-2001 [2]

Hi Muhammad Rinul, I have read your writing closely.Honestly, you have needed some improvements to finalize this writing.

Firstly, please double check information of the period. This is a circumstance for a 10-year period, not the 9-year period. It might seem a little problem, but this can reduce your score because you deliver the inappropriate data. Unfortunately, you did it in the first sentence. You are supposed to impress the reviewer in the first.

After that, the information of your overview is not appropriate. The overview is one of the essential elements in the writing task 1 so that you should aware of this element. Your overview did not cover the interesting trend as well. Following this, I suggest it is better if you merge between the first and second paragraph to meet the requirement in making the good paragraph.

As I am concerned, it seemed that you tried to avoid repetition. However, you harness the inappropriate words in some sentences. It might have the same meaning, but the use of those words has the different context. Be careful of this matter since this can reduce your score in the coherence and cohesion.

Hopefully, those can help you to improve your writing skill.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / The chart below shows participation in certain leisure activities by children in Australia [6]

Hi Anasta, I have read your writing closely and found a few errors which you should fix them.
Firstly, I have to admit that you have endeavored to paraphrase the statement in the introductory paragraph. However, you did not deliver proper words to describe what you mind. That is different with its meaning. Make sure that you write is what you mind. For the writing task 1, you don't need a conclusion. It is sufficient if you only include the overview. The conclusion is identical with the writer's perception.

After that, you have lost a few of your score for coherence and cohesion because you have shown inappropriate data. You can check your information in the first sentence of the first body. You only wrote one percentage although you mentioned two figures. In addition, avoid the words representing your perception. You have used the word "for instance". That is generally harnessed in the writing task 2. Your huge problem is delivering the proper words. Contents of this writing have created a bad flow because you placed the word inappropriately. Pay attention to this matter on condition that you wanna reach the high score.

Hopefully, those can help you for finalizing this.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Which media do you prefer? Why? 100-125 WORDS [2]

Hello Ismael, your sentences in this have needed improvement. If you wanna answer the question, please you don't give the answer directly. You can paraphrase the question first such as "There are plenty of media providing news throughout the world, but I tend to state that the Internet is the best medium". After that, you present supporting idea. This is essential because you have to explain why you stated like that. These will strengthen your opinion. It can make your sentences systematic. Following this, you can offer examples based on your personal experiences. These are able to complete your perspective and make your idea clearer. Besides, on condition that you build by using those three elements, it appears the good flow. In addition, you can give a sentence where you restate your view.

Hopefully, those can help you for finalizing this.

Writing Feedback / Where went majority of UK students since they finished their school? [4]

Hi Aini..
I have read your writing closely and will give a few suggestions. Firstly, you have to pay attention to form of paragraphing. I meant that to keep coherence and cohesion of this writing, you are supposed to make your grouping in this writing. It is better if you divided this writing into three paragraphs. In the first paragraph, you write the paraphrase of the statement as well as the overview. This overview is one of the important elements in the writing task 1 because that can give the general description the main idea in the body paragraphs. Because you are expected to fight with the time, you are supposed to write the overview in the introductory paragraph.

After that, please you picked up proper linking words to make your move smoother and reviewers can get what you mind. Following this, keep in your mind that your job in this writing is to compare figures, not to describe them separately. You have to do it on condition that you wanna get the score more than 6. I suggest you read more example of the writing task 1 so that you can get the essential points in the writing task 1.

Hopefully, these can help you for finalizing this writing.

Writing Feedback / Future IELTS exam preparation. The graph compares the number of visits to two new music sites on web [3]

Hi Hong, I have read your writing and will offer a fee suggestions for finalizing this.
Firstly, be careful of paraphrasing the statement. Honestly, you failed to paraphrase the question. It actually contains the information about the number of visits, not the number of people. I guess that is inappropriate because it is possible someone can access the music many times. Pay attention about the axis X and Y in the graph because it can decide how you should describe the data

After that, avoid detailed information in the overview because it can reduce your score. It is sufficient on condition that you present the interesting trend there. Exactly, that needs time so that you should provide your time less than 5 minutes for analyzing the data. It is paramount because this can decide the way you explain in the body paragraphs.

Keep in your mind that your task in the writing task 1 is to compare the figures, not display separately. You tended to present the data separately. Your sentences are enough good, but you passed one of the essential requirements. It is about the language of comparisons. In fact, the description without the comparisons is less attractive if you can find difficulty to reach the high secore.

Hopefully, my advice can improve your ability.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Ielts task 1: A line graph describing waste production of three companies [4]

Hi Wong, I have a few useful suggestions for finalizing this writing.
First, make sure that you meet the essential requirement for writing task 1. You have to write at least 150 words. If there enables, you should writing words 160 - 175 words. Don't create the writing too long. Then, you are supposed to construct the good paragraphs. Keep in your mind that the good paragraph has at least three sentences. In the first paragraph, there consists of a paraphrase of the statement as well as an overview. The overview contains general trends occurring in the graph. Pick the attractive trends if you wanna get a high score for this case.

After that, it's better on condition that you create two body paragraphs. Thus, you have to consider making groups of your explanation. Before writing, you need time for analyzing. As we know, our job in the writing task 1 is to compare figures, not to describe them separately. Unfortunately, you did not do that in the above writing. Therefore, you should do brainstorming before starting.

Hopefully, those can help you to improve your skill
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / New medicines on the market at the expense of animals [3]

Hi Fiza, these below are my thoughts for finalizing your essay. Please, meet my notes and fix them.
Fiza, avoid using the word "feel" when you wanna show your perspective. That word is less convincing. You should use the words (suppose/ reckon/ think/ believe, etc). This I have found in your thesis statement of the first paragraph. After that, you failed to offer the example relating to your view in the first body paragraph. Your example tended to support an advantage of using animals for testing medicine. Be careful of delivering your example because it influences your coherence and cohesion for your idea.

I have also found a large number of grammar errors such as verb agreement. Besides, you also made misspellings. Please, double check your words. That is a minor error, but if you do more, that can reduce your score. You are supposed to provide a few minutes for correcting your grammar. Be aware of what you wrote. Make sure that what you write is what you mind. Your position was not actually proper to be placed in the last sentence of the second body paragraph. That is not clearly coherence with your previous explanation. Its flow is enough bad.

If you wanna get a high score, please you show your conclusion clearly. You directly gave suggestions, but you did not restate your perspective and conclusion. This is one of essential elements for writing the essay.

Hopefully, those can help you to improve your ability.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Criminalism and various measures to lower this anomaly [2]

Hi Restu, I have read your essay closely and a few problems in yours.
As we see, you presented an introductory sentence. However, you created the sentence with a clear grammar error. If you wanna get a high score, you are supposed to impress reviewers in the first sentence. You made the basic grammar mistake, verb agreement. Please, double check your sentences to reduce your mistakes so that you accustom.

For your body first paragraph, on condition that I read this, I feel that that is not completed because you close your paragraph with an example. You should restate your opinion to strengthen your paragraph. It seemed the odd sentence because the reviewers have difficulty to get the point of the example given. In the second body paragraph, your flow is so messy. The reviewers will get confused because you explained your idea unsystematically. After that, you should harness proper linking words as well as possible so that you can guide the reviewer understand your essay.

Last, to make a conclusion, you restate your thesis statement in the last paragraph. Following this, you can add suggestions to complete your conclusion paragraph. Keep in your mind that the good paragraph has at least three sentences.

Hopefully, those can help you for finalizing this essay

Writing Feedback / In the chart the amount of global water use in three different sectors over 10 decades (1900-2000) [2]

Hi Syamsiah, I will try giving a few suggestions for finalizing your essay.
First, be careful of putting information. Based on the table, this is the information in 2000, but you write 2002. You have to double check your sentences so that you can keep your score. For your overview, you are supposed to show proper information. It is better if you write "each person in Brazil consumed more than in Congo". You have to convert the data to the real information on condition that you can get a high score.


ACCOUNTED FOR...(WHICH WAS ACCOUNTED FOR)
Actually, there is a conjunction, but I omitted that so that it seemed like that.
When you review the data in the body paragraph, you should show the detail information. You only mentioned its changes but not to include the number. Following this, keep in your mind that your job in the writing task 1 is to compare figures, not to describe them separately. Its reason is because that is one of the prompts given in the writing task 1. After that, your last sentence in the last paragraph is too long. That can break your flow and influence your coherence. You can separate it to create the coherence paragraph because the good paragraph consists of at least three sentences.

Hopefully, those can improve your skill.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / How to produce bricks for building purpose [2]

Hi Reza...
Actually, your writing is a good job, but I will offer you a few improvements for finalizing this. It's better if you make the brick plural. I meant you write "to produce Bricks" because it obviously seems that this process produces many bricks. Following this, you got confused about using active and passive sentences. There was a passive sentence, but you write in the active sentence. IT IS STARTED FROM. Ensure yourself that what you wrote is what you mind.

I suggest you emphasize that there are two processes for forming bricks. It is essential for making the imperative timing in this manufacturing. After that, you can develop your second body paragraph. You can say that those bricks are put in the dying over for reducing the water in them. I think you should do it for adding words because the number of your words is close to the edge of the requirement. You are also supposed to mention detail information about the degree of temperature in those three steps.

Hopefully, those can help you to improve your skill.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. [3]

Hi William..
I have read your essay closely and found a few improvements you need. Firstly, pay attention to prompts given because as I am concerned, I think you unsuccessfully paraphrased the statement. The statement emphasizes the company's responsibility for the social environment. Based on your thesis statement, you would clearly explain your perspective which did not relate to the question. Before you start writing, make sure that you have found keywords in the statement so that you would review inside the side of the prompts.

Turning detail information to the first body paragraph, you tended to elucidate about the importance of getting money for the company. You showed reasons why that is important. Your explanation is a good job, but the question does not focus on that topic. You have to concentrate on the social responsibility. Honestly, you failed in the first paragraph. For the second body paragraph, you actually deliver the prompt briefly but in the second opinion. In the first sentence of that paragraph, you have explained another topic and seemed that it was out of the topic. After that, you also had major errors grammatically such as using verb agreement. Perhaps, that seems as small mistakes, but those can reduce your score on the condition that you do it more.

Hopefully, those suggestions can help you for improving this essay.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / American TV shows vs broadcast foreign films [3]

Hi Itachi, I will give you a few suggestions. Hopefully, you can meet my notes and deal with them.
Firstly, If you wanna get a high score, you are supposed to show your position in the thesis statement. It is clear that the prompt asks you to give your opinion after you review both perspectives. That is essential in the writing task 2 because you will show what are elucidated in the body paragraphs. For body paragraphs, you have to add supporting ideas for your second reason in the first body. That seemed like layman's opinion because you only mentioned that. In the essay, you cannot display solely, but you have to expand that. Giving the supporting sentences is the primary requirement for building the good paragraph. Actually, you also did that in the second reason in the second body. Your score will be reduced by examiners because you seemed listing your ideas, not to explain deeply. Please, you improve that to achieve the high score.

For your grammar, you are free of major errors. However, you should harness connetive devices for making your flow smoother. That encourage readers to understand your essay easily.

Pay attention to your conclusion as well. You need to paraphrase your thesis statement if you wanna show the conclusion. In addition, you can include suggestions in this case to meet the requirement in creating the good pargraph. Keep in your mind that the good paragraph has at least three sentences.

I hope those suggestion can finalize your essay. GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / The best way to solve the world's environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel. [2]

Hi Mai, I have read your essay closely. I will try you a few suggestions.
First, if you wanna get a high score, especially in the lexical resource, you have to paraphrase the statement. You cannot put original words directly, but you create the statement by using your own words. After that, you should make your thesis statement clearer. I meant that you briefly showed why you said that the solution is not effective. It's better if you give underline of what you review in the body paragraphs in this statement.

For your body paragraph, you need to strengthen your opinion. You have needed the supporting sentence and an example to develop your paragraph. Following that, your second body paragraph was also less strong. I suggest you explain one idea rather than you displayed multiple ideas. You tended to elucidate the importance of educating people about the problem. You are supposed to focus on prompts given. Lastly, you failed to create the conclusion. If you wanna write the conclusion, you paraphrase your thesis statement where you show your position because the question obviously asks us to decide whether you agree or disagree.

Hopefully, those can help you for finalizing this essay. GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - the extensive use of computers in classroom, reduce the number of teachers [3]

Hi Vu, I will try giving you a few suggestions for finalizing this essay. Please, you meet my notes and deal with them.
First, you have missed one of the essential points in writing. The number of your words is less than 250 words. Keep in your mind that you are supposed to meet the requirement if you wanna get a high score. Your score will fall down due to this matter. Then, for your introductory paragraph, you successfully paraphrased the statement given. However, you needed to make your thesis statement clearer. I meant that you should mention underlining of points what you would explain in the body paragraph. This is very important to describe briefly.

For your body paragraphs, you actually had great ideas elucidating the issue, but you required to expand your idea. You are supposed to strengthen your opinion with adding examples. Those can be extracted from personal experiences, articles or scientific facts. I really believe you can get the high score in the task responses on condition that you wanna sharpen your view. In the second body paragraph, it is clear that you had the good opinion about the matter, but you have to add extra supporting ideas in two opinions.

In the conclusion, I hope you add suggestions for the issue so that you can complete the paragraph. I remind that the good paragraph has at least three sentences. Hopefully, those my suggestion can help you ti improve your skill.

GOOD LUCK