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Posts by mita23
Name: Mita Eka Fitriani
Joined: Jan 28, 2016
Last Post: Apr 28, 2016
Threads: 34
Posts: 37  
Likes: 3
From: Indonesia
School: University of Mataram

Displayed posts: 71 / page 1 of 2
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Apr 28, 2016
Letters / Keen to study Master's program of Food Science with specialisation in Food Innovation and Management [2]

Motivation letter for my master degree

Statement of Motivation
Dear Madam/Sir,
My name is Mita Eka Fitriani. I have graduated from Mataram University, Indonesia. After completion of my Bachelor degree in Agriculture Technology from the Department of Food Science and Technology, I am keen on continuing my study in Master's program of Food Science with specialisation in Food Innovation and Management. This program has close relation with not only my background but also condition of my environment. Born in small village, which has problems in food innovation and management due to lack of knowledge, encourages me to choose this subject. In general, food spread out in my area has not yet obtained proper innovation and management. Moreover, most farmers in my area are bound to sell vegetables and fruits or raw materials of food without a touch of technology, which makes them get less profit. By taking course of food innovation and management, I hope in the future, I would be able to overcome these obstacles and bring great innovation in food.

I have learned a vast range of important courses, such as planning of processing unit, food catering industry, quality control, functional food and other applicable courses. These made me do research "The content of vitamin C as a source of antioxidants in Yogurt Rosella (Hibiscuss sabdariffa L.)" for accomplishing my undergraduate thesis. When I was in university, I was an active scholar who dedicated myself to be Assistant Practical Work in Laboratory having responsibility in three fields, such as food chemistry, general biochemistry and fermentation technology of food. I realize that my experiences have not yet been enough to pursue my career becoming an expert in the field of food science and technology with specialisation in food innovation. I feel that I need to continue my study abroad, especially in Wageningen University because of many reasons. Firstly, this university is the best university in the world related to food science and technology. Many big food companies are started from brilliant ideas of Wageningen University's students. These ignite my desire to study there and be taught by marvelous instructors who have had a lot of acquaintance with food innovation and management. Secondly, Netherlands is appropriate country for me to learn about agricultural innovation product since this country is well known as agricultural country in Europe which attracts me to visit and know about it.

After finishing the master's program in overseas, I would go back to Indonesia and work as a lecturer having specialization in food innovation and management, as well as professional researcher in the food center for food innovation and management studies so that I can provide conceptual and technical contribution for food innovation issues. I think by sharing knowledge and being useful for many people are a noble deed. Using the knowledge and experience gained during study abroad, I am sure to be able to create remarkable innovation in food and help farmers to be innovative in my region and my country.
Feb 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Efficiency of study overseas. Level of education among Bulgarians. [NEW]

A breakdown of information about the stage of education of Bulgarian inhabitants who intended to leave Bulgarian and stay in abroad, happening in three different periods, in 2002, 2006 and 2008, is illustrated in given table chart. Overall, it can obviously be seen that the number of people who had higher education and secondary education experienced downward trend while those owning primary and lower education showed upward tendency.

To begin, in the first period (2002), people taking secondary education overtook the highest number, standing at 65% followed by those who owned primary and lower education and higher education which staying at the percentage of lower than a fifth. Afterwards, the following year witnessed an steep incline in the total people who joined higher level and primary education to 20% and 19%, respectively while the secondary education stage of people decreased moderately to more than two-third.

Surprisingly, in the last period, only the total of people attending primary and lower education rose significantly by 13 points while the others declined by 11% for those who connected to higher education and 2% for those who had level in secondary education.

Feb 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / The air is leaking out from certain rooms through recessed light, bathroom fan vent, and attic hatch [NEW]

A breakdown of how heat is released and energy thrown in house thanks to air coming in and out of the building, is illustrated in diagram. Overall, it can obviously be seen that heat and energy get out house through some tools on ceiling while they get in from the many parts of room.

By looking at the detail, in the first floor of construction, the air enters the room through dryer vent and window. Afterwards, outdoor faucet also takes a part becoming equipment which make air leaking get into the house because there is crawl space which is the place for heat entrance.

Turning to the second floor, the lists of furnishings, which participate for presenting the existence of heat and energy in particular space in room, are door and window in living room, fan vent in kitchen and electrical outlet in toilet. Interestingly, the air leaking out from certain rooms through recessed light, bathroom fan vent, and attic hatch.

Feb 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1: worker interaction with their supervisor and other colleagues at work [2]

The two pie charts reveal the survey outcome about worker interaction with their supervisor and co-workers, presented in two different periods, in the year of 2005 and 2009. Overall, it can obviously be seen that most workers have very good relationship with either supervisor or co-workers along all periods.

To begin, in 2005, the number of workers who had very good relationship with supervisor and co-workers overtook the highest proportion at just above three-fifths and the percentage increased to 65% and 70%, respectively in the second period. Afterwards, total people who did not have supervisor and co-workers experienced a little incline of less than 5%. Interestingly, both in 2005 and in 2009, the point of people who had poor quality of relationship with their supervisor was the same, taking a percentage of 2%.

Turning to decrease scale, 2005 to 2009 witnessed a decline number to a half of it in the number of people who owned weak quality of relationship with supervisor and co-worker while the ratio of employees with good relationship towards their supervisor and co-worker fell by approximately 4%.

Feb 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2: majority people are sometimes judged by their dress code as symbol of their characteristic [2]

Some people say that the clothes people were are the most important indication of what they are like. Others, however, say that people should not be judged by the clothes they wear. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In this contemporary era, clothes become important part in human's life. As such, majority people are sometimes judged by their dress code as symbol of their characteristic while others believe that people cannot be predicted by their visible appearance. This essay will elaborate both points of view.

With regard to make judgement for others by staring at their style, it is necessary for people to have that perspective because sometimes certain people choose their mode by their hobby or their occupation. To illustrate, someone who works as taxi driver will easily be recognized by their blue uniform. Also, the environment keepers can be indicated by their cozy style which shows that they like freedom and natural condition. As a result, clothes that people wear can draw their personality, like their pleasure or their job. Thus, it is clear that the others can gain ease to know about people's behavior by looking at their appearance. However, it cannot be denied that people are not able to know the other's truly manner by their dress.

In many cases, clothes cannot be the sign of people kindness because it is common to see good people sometimes have bad looking. In my country, Indonesia, for example, there are immense people who have reckless style, yet they actually are so friendly, gorgeous and helpful. Moreover, when they see someone else needs some assistants, they directly oblige them freely. Therefore, it is true that people cannot judge others by their clothes.

To sum up, although some people determine other's habit by looking at their clothes, I firmly believe that we cannot punish them by their style because glamour clothes cannot indicate great appearance. It can merely detected by some evidence, like doing the good activities and helping others.
Feb 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Running business is one of many jobs option which people can choose. Money is crucial? [2]

The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree or disagree?

Running business is one of many jobs option which people can choose. There is statement which argues that the main aim of business is producing money and entrepreneur should focus on it. In my opinion, I think that purpose of business is about not only making money but also learning many things related to business.

To begin, business can be media on which people are able to gain a lot of life experience because it offers many obstacles which people need to overcome. To illustrate, by having business, inhabitants can enhance their knowledge in making good relationship with other people, like consumers, workers and rivals. Consequently, they can know how to manage the condition of their business when there is problem which people need to face. Therefore, there is no doubt that the purpose of business is to increase the ability of creating great environment with others.

However, it cannot be denied that money is great pleasure for businessmen because they require big profit from trade activity and without making money, entrepreneur can lose opportunity to have long-lasted business which means that their business will be bankrupt in short time. My fruit shop in Indonesia, for instance, is built for one aim, getting a lot of money in order to create satisfied profit which later is used for enlarging the business becoming wider and larger. As a result, when I focus on it, my shop nowadays has obtained many achievement and improvement.

To sum up, although some people believe that the purpose of trading activity is only to gain money, I would argue that there is the other aim of building business that is getting knowledge of relationship.
Feb 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Advanced devices used foolishly can also bring some dire effects to people's lives. [2]

The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Electronic media has become main equipment to connect with other people and this will bring many effects on personal interaction. I would argue that advanced technology gives positive effect for someone who is engaged in relationship.

To begin, by using modern tools, people can keep tight closeness with others because electronic media nowadays has provided easy way to contact family or friends by supplying many features, like email, messages, calls and other interesting services. For example, person can still know about peers' and siblings' condition who live in great distance by communicating using phone without visiting them which requires much expenditure. Moreover, the use of advanced electronic is so simple because it can be used in anywhere, so people do not obtain limitation in socializing with others. Therefore, these activities will be impossible without electronic device.

On the other hand, advanced device also can bring dire effects to people's lives. Firstly, there will be a gap among the society because there is no direct interaction. People will tend to be more individual and avoid gathering with many people because they will think that meeting needs a lot of time to do, compared with communicating by electronic device. Next, fake information can be created by the existence of modern tools. For instance, many people can achieve wrong information from electronic media because it is easy for the offender to manipulate data for negative purpose, like deception of something, such as unoriginal announcement of job employment.

To sum up, I firmly believe that although electronic device offer the benefit, there are many drawbacks which people can gain from it.
Feb 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Results of two different surveys - citizens were questioned on crucial communication skills in a job [3]

A breakdown of the result of two different surveys in which citizens were given some questions about crucial communication skills which they should have in their occupation, done in two periods, between 1997 and 2006, is illustrated in the table. Overall, it can obviously be seen that the most communication skill required by workers were external communication skills.

Based on communication included in external skills, there were four kinds of aspects and all of them showed a slight increase, except in the term 'selling a product of service' which decreased steeply by 3 points, from 24 to 21 percent. Interestingly, only skill of dealing with people had proportion more than six in ten while the others stood at less than a half.

Turning to the second classification, all skills related to internal communication inclined in the last period (2006) and the aspect of listening carefully to colleagues became the most essential skill for labors based on people perspective in that surveys, witnessing a small rise of 9 percent, followed by other five skills which experienced smaller percentage as less important skills.

Feb 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / 'having marvelous capability is more vital' - Writing Task 2: dress smartly vs quality of work [NEW]

Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. Discuss both these views and gives your own opinion.

Being fashionable is important part in workplace. As such, organisations ask their workers to manage their dress style, yet the opponents argue that the quality of work is quite more crucial than the visible appearance. This essay will discuss both points of view.

With regard to the highly essential of working ability, it is necessary for worker to concern on their skills and give less attention to keep fashionable because the quality of work can offer the direct impact for people occupation. To illustrate, for physical employees who work in outdoor area, wearing good dress does not influence the result of work because that occupation merely demands great quality of work in order to finish their duties satisfyingly. Therefore, the most crucial thing in working at particular work place is the intelligence of working. Although physical appearance does not support the great competence of working, I firmly believe that the excellent dress code, which people wear, is sometimes required for particular people.

In some cases, wearing the proper dress mode is truly needed for certain employees because their occupation wants them to have good performance in public. Being manager, for instance, is one of the positions in indoor job, which asks people to keep fashionable because manager has regular activity to interact with immense people, especially client. The more they have capacity in keeping their adequate appearance, the bigger their chance can attract the client impression. In other words, the achievement of manager's work depends on their good style. Thus, it is clear that for specific occupation, it is essential for worker to arrange their suit style.

To sum up, although some companies encourage their employees to control their clothes model, I would argue that there is occupation, which mentions that having marvelous capability is more vital than owning smart decision to dress up.
Feb 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1: happiness scale in married and unmarried couples [2]

The first bar chart reveals information of survey outcome on happiness scale, categorized by married and unmarried couples, located in the US, classified by four different age group group while the second one shows the happiness ratings of children existence on married people. Overall, it can obviously be seen that married people aged 18-29 has the highest percentage of happiness and children at the age under 18 brings the greatest happiness on married couple.

With regard to the first chart, young married people on the 18-19 age group overtake the largest proportion of happiness, standing at 45% followed by the age group of 30-49 and 65 and over which have the same point at 44%, 1% less than that of younger. Next, married couples who are 50-64 take the least percentage of happiness. Turning to unmarried people, people who are 65 and over 65 years old are the happiest group., showing more than a third of proportion while the age group of 50-64 and 18-29 become the unhappiest people owning ratio at around a fifth.

Equally important, having children at the age more than 18 brings the lowest scale of happiness, staying at 41%, which comes after owning no children and having children under 18 years old classification, at 43% and 44%, respectively. It means that married people who have children aged less than 18 have the biggest happiness.

Feb 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Young people work after graduating from senior high school and before entering university [2]

Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this.

Having a job is one of the pleasures that people can obtain. Nowadays, it is common to see young people work after graduating from senior high school and before entering university. In my opinion, there are benefit and drawback of this phenomenon.

Concerning to the merit, taking a job can make youth have great experience because in the workplace, the young worker can learn practical work. To illustrate, students who spend their time after graduating from school for working tend to have more applicable ability rather than those who join the university directly, like working as labor in certain food companies. They will know how to operate the sophisticated machine, how to interact with their leader and how to produce the high quality of foods, which consist of complicated receipts. As a result, their knowledge about specific object that they immerse on it are greater than that of their peers. Therefore, there is no doubt that taking a part in particular job is useful for teenagers in order to enlarge their intelligence practically.

However, there is demerit of this occupation, such as lack of detail scientific theory. Putting scholars in distinct occupation will restrict their ability in elaborating phenomenon based on scientific research because in work, there is no deep definition of what occur and how something can be happened. For instance, although people who work in electronic trade know how to construct the element of electricity becoming one set of digital equipment, they never know about what the reaction can be happen among the parts of the electricity on cutting-edge device.

To sum up, the positive effect of the trend on which teenager should have job before attending university is full of functional ability while the negative side of it is insufficiency of methodical theory.
Feb 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / The wind turbine provided in the diagrams has classification for the design and its location. [NEW]

The diagrams reveal the model of a wind turbine and its appropriate location. Overall, it can obviously be seen that wind turbine has classification for the design and its location.

With regard to the style of wind turbine, three pieces of blades which are made of fiber glasses or wood should be created as the top part of turbine. Next, generation should be set to be main source of turbine energy having output around 1,5 megawatts. When wind comes, wind sencor is constructed to detect speed and direction of it. Afterwards, it is important to build steel tower to make turbine stand. Far from turbine, there should be computer which manages sensor adjusting blades correlating to direction and angle.

To make optimum location, wind turbine should be located above sea level to produce more maximum wind strengths compared to wind turbine located under sea level in which wind make landscape not spoiled. By constructing domestic turbine, it will release the energy at virtually 100 kilowatts which can be used for many purpose in order to fulfill the necessities of people.

Feb 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / I firmly agree that news about ordinary people's lives are important to know. IELTS Writing [2]

Hy Linda. Let me give you some suggestions.

1. WhilstAlthough I believe that reporting the lives of celebrities is needed, but I firmly agree that news about ordinary people's lives is more important to know.

2. That is no wonder that media should report the lives of outstanding people.

3. so that it is better if thefor media to give gives a larger attention to it.

thank you
Feb 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Fashion is one of the ways to assess someone's habit. (IELTS Task 2) [2]

Hy Anita. Let me check your writing.

1. In fact, wider society has habituated judge about human'sbeings hobby and personality based on their fashion.

2. It is because everybody tends using something appropriateto pick his style based onwith their habituation.

3. Research from Fletcher conducts that some persons will illustrate their selvesthemselves regarded interests, such (...) like something that is free.

thank you
Feb 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / A recent study in 1997 and 2006 representing the communication skills in work (IELTS Task 1) [3]

Hy Anita. Let me give you some suggestions.

1. ... representing the communication skills which are crucial at occupation is comparedpresented (because "compared" is sometimes used in pie chart) in the table.

2. This survey is measured in percentages. maybe you can make shorter sentence to show that you can present good one.
The breakdown of a recent study in 1997 and 2006 representing the communication skills which are crucial at occupation is presented in the table, measured in percentages.

3. ... significant factors that should be considered by workers eitherin 1997 or in 2006.

4. ... while 24 percent of employees had to own selling a product or service skill

5. there was 38 % of workers thought that listened to their colleagues as the most important skill

thank you
Feb 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Fashion is one of ways to assess a person's ability, including in a business world. Dressing smartly [2]

Hy Anita. your writing is good and well-organized, yet I find some mistakes. let me give you some suggestions.

1. In factAs such, numerous employees are encouraged ...

2. ... more crucial than an appearance which is shown by it

3. According to my opinion, the good style becomes somethingobject(because something is not appropriate word to draw this), regarded in several public ...

4. It is because formal and polite situation isare displayed by wearing 'blazer or coat'.

thank you
Feb 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / The heat losing process occurs because the air always infiltrates into and out of the house; IELTS [2]

Hy Anita. your writing is good and well-organized, but there are two mistakes that I find, so let me give you some suggestions.

1. A breakdown of how air circulates in a house and it causes waste of energyenergy released thanks to heat losses is illustrated in presented picture.

2. In any casecases, the heat is transmitted through some areas of rooms.

thank you
Feb 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Is having a healthy lifestyle difficult these days? [4]

Hello Putri. After I read your writing, I just found little mistake, so let me give you some suggestions.

... others think that it is not difficult for people if they tend to have ahealthy lifestyle is their habitual activity in order to keep their body fit.

I change that sentence because I couldn't get the clue of your introduction. thank you
Feb 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / The change of Stockfort village in 1930 and 2010 [5]

hy Adie. Let me check your writing.

1. The picture illustrates aboutchanges of the Stokeford town change during 80 years.

2. It is apparent from the information that village was developing ...
Overall, it can clearly be seen that there were significant developments in housing and new road construction .

3. To begin in 1930, from the north to the south the eastthe southeast of Rivers Stock in the village only had one of the major roads.

4. Besides that, there arewere some farmlands on there .

5. Afterwards , beside the north of building there were two shops and some houses, and the opposite was a primary school.
... house stayed and this building was surrounded by a huge garden.

6. In contrast, over the next 8 decades in 2010, the village many experienced some alteration,alterations in which people in Stokeford village eliminateeliminated all the farmland and alsodemolish replaced all shops which it replaced withby a housing and new road.

thank you
Feb 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / The new phenomena in this world - the increased crime among young people in many countries [3]

Hy Adie. let me give you some suggestions.

1. Nowadays, the new phenomena has happened in many parts ...

2. It is important to know why this has happened and to look at wayscan happen and how to solve the problem.

3. The mostmain reason is a breakdown problem in the nuclear family.

4. Increasing of divorced in several countries is most support the youngster become a lawbreaker .
The high number of divorce can ignite youngster to be lawbreaker.

5. For instance, as the following data from criminology (...) that the divorce of parents which occurs before the children was aged ten was one of the ...

thank you
Feb 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Nowadays, the substantial issue of the world is the overpopulation - IELTS [2]

Hy Adie. let me check your writing.

1. First and foremost, the overpopulation every year is(because overpopulation is uncountable) caused by the decline of death rate which makesmake of total population unbalanced between ...

2. ... the birth rate in whole the world increases by fifty percent comparescompared to thirty years ago, while the mortality rate only grows bybelowless than twenty percent.

3. ... that cause the new social problem in society, suchsuch aspoverty, unemployment and crime.

4. Therefore, a high birth rate otherwise low mortality is main reason in society

5. In addition, the improvingimprovement of medicine system is tosupportingsupportof the citizen growth.

thank you
Feb 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Developing of medical system in many sides keep people healthier and their life expectancy is higher [5]

Hello Adie, let me check your writing.

1. Recently, as the result of the developing of the medical system in many sides make people healthy and expectancy life people increase .
In this contemporary era, the improvement of medical care make people stay healthy and have long life expectancy.

2. In my opinion, there are some benefits and drawbackdrawbacksfrom that trendpeople who are long age .

3. Then following this essay I will giveThis essay will elaborate my strong reason.

4. First and foremost,With regard to the advantages of this, long life age makemakes new chance which they to have a very productive age's because this is very important for the development of the country.

5. Based on data from WHO organization, that China is example country in which successsuccessfully open a lot of jobs and develop their citizen to improve the economy country as the consequence . Consequently, chinaChina now becomebecomes the giant economy in the world thenand they have a higher life expectancy rate.

thank you
Feb 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / It is evident that the parents and teachers have an essential key to manage the children's lifestyle [3]

Hy Anita. the flow of your writing is good, yet I have some suggestions for your writing.

you need to consider your grammatical accuracy.
a. The parents and the teachers are ofhave an authority to educate ...
b. Finally, children can understand how crucial this matter is
one conjunction has two verbs
c. I think that the parents'(your sentence is lack of this (') as sign of possession) and teachers' role improve the children habits.

thank you
Feb 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Total percentage of teachers enlisting in Ontario City (2001 - 2007) who teach English and French [3]

hy Adie. let me give you some suggestions which may help you to improve your writing.

1. you need to concern on grammatical accuracy.
a. ... percentage of the teacher enlisting in Ontario City from 2001 to 2007 which is divided in two subjects. or
The line graph reveals about the total percentage of the teacher enlisting in Ontario City from 2001 to 2007 which divided in two subjects.

b. It is apparent from that information that,Overall, it can clearly be seen that English-language teachers (...) language teachers despite had experienced decreased but over the period the level increased slightly.

c. Looking at the detail, on the data showed started in 2001, stood at over 70% people were accepted as teachers in ...
... percentages decreased dramatically in which it was losinglost over 20%.

d. ... in the Ontario City increased slightly 2 percent higher than previouslyprevious year but following this, the trend rate sharply fallsfelluntil a finish under 30% in 2007 .

thank you
Feb 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / Recruitment process of Language teachers in Ontario; French teaching staff more popular than English [3]

hello HADI bunglon11. let me give you some suggestions towards your essay writing.

1. you need to make it clear
Overall, there were two different trends in the recruitment of new language teaching staffs .
Overall, it can obviously be seen that requirement of English stuffs experienced downward trend while requirement of French tutors witnessed upward tendency.

2. you to consider your grammar accuracy
a. ... higher than necessaries of French teachers, stoodstaying at seven in ten (70%), in 2001
b. ... recruitment increased moderately to 75% and rose by 5%, the enrollment ...
c. ... teachers recruitment over a 4-year period duringfrom 2001 to 2005.
d. While in 2002, both of themdecreased dramaticallya dramatic decrease , 52%for French teachers and 58% for English, 2003 showedsaw a quick rise in the number French teacher requirementrose quickly to 78% when ...

thank you
Feb 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / Candies, fast food and instant noodle - the favorite food among children - not a healthy lifestyle [3]

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Modern lifestyle can influence the way people's lives, particularly children's life. As such, they tend to have unhealthy behavior. While people argue that either schools or parents need to take responsibility for overcoming the problem, I firmly agree that both of them are crucial for tackling this phenomenon due to having good role for body condition of children.

To begin, schools have big responsibility to build the character of students in determining healthy lifestyle because schools are the second place for children to obtain the information of it. To illustrate, when I was in primary school, my school always tried to give knowledge how to stay health and keep fit. Afterwards, my school also supports its students to have healthy behavior by providing nutritious snack, food and beverage in canteen, persuading the scholars to always keep cleanliness when they eat, and giving them information of dire effects if they consume too many candies, fast food and instant noodle. As a result, most students have good quality of their body. Therefore, there no doubt that schools must have role in order to make children stay healthy.

Not only schools but also parents should take a part to take care of the way children behave to keep fit because parents are the first people who they meet every day and give direct effect on children's lifestyle. In many big cities, for instance, it is common to see parents go to gym with their daughter and son because parents want to teach them how to do some exercise which can bring positive effect for vitalities.

To sum up, both schools and parents should give big effort to save children from unhealthy behavior by doing many activities, such as giving them useful suggestion and example.
Feb 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / What is the most difficult task for a new expat in the totally different environment? [3]

The bar chart reveals the data about the difficulties which people face when they travel to overseas. Overall, it can obviously be seen that all cases experience downward trend except sorting out healthcare based on aged.

By looking at detailed information, 34% people who are 18-24 years old, have difficulties in arranging money and this proportion is the highest while the percentage of people owning problem in choosing appropriate healthcare is almost a third. Nevertheless, there are less people at the age of eighteen to twenty four facing obstacle in searching school for their children and evidence of this can be seen with their proportion standing at a very small number (6%).

Turning to the older age (34-54), there is a dramatic rise of people getting problem in managing expenditure, sorting out medical care and finding location for education of their children of 2%, 3% and 13%, respectively. Interestingly, the number of people at the age more than 55 years old, who are facing less difficulties in managing their finance and looking for the schools for their children, overtakes proportion at less than 30% and almost 0%, yet there are virtually 36% people still have case related to sorting out healthcare.

Feb 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / Will public museums and art galleries disappear due to the rapid development of technology? [4]

Hy linda. after I read your writing, I wanna give you some suggestions:

1. you have to concern on grammatical accuracy
a. it is the pros and cons
there are pros and cons

2. you need to arrange your sentence well in order to make readers understand
a. it is the pros and cons that public museums and art ...
>>> there are pros and cons of the phenomenon in which public and art galleries will disappear............
b. I strongly disagree with this view because these building will still be necessaryneeded although people can see the art works and historical object from computer through internet.

c. because people can see (see is a verb transitive which requires object after verb) them directly and they stand in front of art objects.

thank you
Feb 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 - Electronic Media negative influence; people become introvert and less active socially [5]

Hy Linda. I would argue that your essay is good, but I wanna give you some suggestions and I hope these will help you.

1. you have to concern on grammatical accuracy.
a. ... obtained through electronic media suchsuch as or like smartphone.
b. ... media have bad impact on personal relationship betweenamong people.
between: is used when you mention two things
among: is used when you mention more than two things

2. you need to choose appropriate word
a. ... as they become rare to do direct interaction towith other people.

thank you
Feb 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / The mass media makes the sensational issue from celebrities, eg. actors, singers and footballers [5]

hai anita11. your writing is well organized, yet I want to give you some suggestions:

1. you need to concern on grammatical accuracy.
a. The life of extraordinary people always attracts (attract is verb transitive which needs object ) to be reported.
>> so, it will be better if you replace that sentence by " the life of extraordinary people is alwaysimpressive or attractive to be reported.

b. Meanwhile, news about ordinary people also , having achievement, has to be informed also to encourage societies to be more

2. you need to make good sentence in order to make the reader understand
>> It is because everybody wants to know their behavior and private life much more, and it also requires more profit to the media mass which publish it.

>> it is because ........ and private life much more and this will affect media mass in which they will get profit from this report.

thank you
Feb 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / The line graph reveals information about educator recruitment, located in Ontario over 7-year period [4]

The given line graph reveals information about educator recruitment, located in Ontario over seven-year period, started from 2001 to 2007. Overall, it can be obviously be seen that the percentage of French teachers experience upward trend while that of English teachers witnesses downward tendency.

Looking at the detail, in the first period English-language educators overtook the higher number rather than French tutor, standing at more than seven in ten before it declined dramatically as long as two years to 40%. This trend was different from the point of French teachers which decreased steeply only in 2002 and hit a low of approximately a half, yet the next period saw a sudden rise to almost 70%. Despite of some fluctuation, the needs of French teacher finally reached a peak at virtually 72% in the end period (2007). Equally important, the demand of English tutor continually fell between 2005 and 2007 to the point of less than a third.

Feb 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / Manufactures and retails tend to use color as great strategy to attract more customers in purchasing [2]

hello ilankelo21. let me give you some suggestion of your writing.
1. you need to focus on plural and singular
a. ... it is true since colors influences purchasing decision
b. ... or in interior and exterior building influencesAFFECTS (try to avoid many repetitive words) people's decision to ...
2. It is thus cheaper price is the main factor ...
maybe you can replace this sentence by therefore, there is no doubt that cheap price can be the main factor for people in buying products.

thank you
Feb 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / Colour is a special tool that is used to sell something [2]

I can admit that your writing is great, but you need some improvements in arranging your sentence.
1. In reverse, color is not the main priority of the consumers ...
In contrast, color is not the only main factor to make decision in buying product because there is quality which can be used as measurement to choose product.

2. there are grammatical error, such as:
a. even though color help HELPS the buyer to make decision ...
b. people will consider the quality of the offered commodity to make sure they ARE able to ...
Feb 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / It is argued that higher education can lead people to obtain better life [2]

hello Bunglon11. your writing is so impressive, yet I wanna give you some suggestions.

a. you need to concern about your grammatical accuracy because I found many grammatical errors.
1. I personally believe that both OF THE CASES are crucial in human ...
2. ... education in the university is related to findingFIND a job.
3. ... to grab well-paid work which IS possible to change their life's quality.
4. they are expected havingTO HAVE some skills IN order to apply in a high-class company.
5. ... dominated by graduated from university WHICH means that there is a correlation
b. try to make simple sentence
>> Moreover, it can influence student's activity to make ...
replace it by this sentence
>>Moreover, scholars can have good interaction with others which leads to create great link related to business

thank you
Feb 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1: total population of old people in three different countries [5]

The given line graph reveals the information of population elderly people who have aged 65 and more than that, over 100 years, from 1940 to 2014, located in USA, Sweden and Japan. It can obviously be seen that the total of retire-aged man in three countries witnesses upward trend in which Japan will have the highest number of them in 2040.

Based on the data, in the first period, USA overtook the highest proportion of old people, standing at less than one in ten, followed by Sweden and Japan. Having similar pattern to USA from 1960 to 1980, the number of long-lived people in Sweden increased steeply to almost 15% while those in Japan remained steady at around 4%. There was a sudden decline in the old population in either USA or Sweden before the point rose significantly in Sweden and leveled off in USA. Surprisingly, despite of some fluctuations, it will be predicted that old man and woman in USA, Sweden and Japan will jump dramatically to approximately 23%, a quarter and more than 25%, respectively in the year of 2040.

Feb 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / The list and description of different underground railway systems in six cities of three continents [2]

The table shows the data about underground railway systems, located in six different towns in Europe, America and Asia continent, classified by date opened, the route in kilometers and annually passengers counted in million. It can obviously be seen that railways in Tokyo has the highest participants per year while railways in London becomes the oldest and has greatest distance of route.

With regard to the cities which are available in Europe, underground railway which was established in Paris in 1900 overtakes higher number of passengers per year, standing at 1191 than those in London staying at less than thousand even though the route of it reaches the distance until 394 km.

Turning to America, there are two kinds of underground railways, such as in Washington DC and Los Angeles. Based on the table, railway in Los Angeles becomes the newest railway in all categories and shows the second least of itinerary after railway in Kyoto. It is different from railway in Washington DC, which have further route and bigger proportion of joiners than those of them.

The last categories are railways in Asia continent, Tokyo and Kyoto. Railway in Tokyo witnesses the greatest number of either route or riders in all cities, taking part at point of 155 and 1927, respectively while Kyoto gets the least points of them.

Feb 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Color is Not The Predominant Aspect in Determining Buyers' Decision [2]

hi aflah15. please allow me to give you some suggestions which are related to your essay.

1. I think that you need construct your essay in each paragraph well
- make the statement:
Encouraging consumers to choose the best commodities [...] people tend to decide buying diet in certain colors. - make some example: For example, a red chili is ... In reverse, there are several indicators which ... >> this sentence is irrelevant

- make result of your statement: this is my idea " consequently, the demand of these commodities is higher than that of the green one due to the diverse perspective on people when they make decision in choosing objects based on the color. people will tend to choose impressive one.

- make conclusion: therefore, there is no doubt that color can intrigue people interest in buying something.

thank you
Feb 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Is deleting art subjects for students who do not have specific abilities an appropriate decision? [2]

hello aflah15, in this comment, let me give you some advice.

first, please try to avoid repetitive words, such as appropriate, maybe you can replace it by suitable, proper, etc.

second, I found grammatical error, like:
- Due to the reason that children arehave multiple intelligence, they haveneed own talent as their special aptitude which is should be guided ...

third, I got unconnected line of paragraph.
in the first line, u said : Specific natural ability of children should be improved in their classes to reach the immense progress in their formal education.

but, in the next line, you mention about your friend who does not have time to practice playing football. i am sorry. I cannot catch your point.
Feb 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Interview test in not a proper method to apply in the process of recruiting workers. [4]

hi ilankelo 21. let me deliver my idea. maybe you can use it for your consideration to expand your concept when you write the essay which is related to this.

a. for me, I know that interview sometimes cannot be the best test to select proper candidates when they want to enter in some companies, yet admittedly, by using interview, judges can determine the personal character of someone. because sometimes, the honesty of people can be recognized by this method.

b. there is grammatical error that you should focus on it.
This is due to the fact that it will not cover all points ...

It is thusthat is why interview is thought less proper to ...