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Posts by Alamsyah Ismail [Suspended]
Name: Nuralamsyah Ismail
Joined: Sep 13, 2016
Last Post: Oct 4, 2016
Threads: 24
Posts: 43  
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From: Indonesia
School: Hasanuddin University

Displayed posts: 67 / page 1 of 2
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Alamsyah Ismail   
Oct 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / The pie chart gives us information where people who travel to New Zealand come from [10]

Hello mem77
i have a twice of advice for you

And also on that chart
A closer look at that chart shows that Australia ...
....you donot need (that), because at and on are prepositional that have to meet noun or noun prhase directly

Australia has the largest percentage for country ...
...you should change has with had, because had used to past time
Alamsyah Ismail   
Oct 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / How Young Malawian Boy Build a Windmill [3]

Hello PHA2016
I have a twice of advice to you

This energy is more (in)(the) advantage than (the) disadvantage.
.....you should change is with has, to give meaning having

For intense ification
....you should change to satisfication, because for is prep that have to meet with noun
Alamsyah Ismail   
Oct 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Neuro-revolution: sending a message from our brain to someone else's body is possible [2]

Hello rosadesiana
I have some advice to you

any further information(s) about brains
...any refer to information, that's why information must be plural word

your life around 6 and half years or more than that to discover
....i think you donot need conj in your sentence

the first volunteer brain can moves and rules the second
.....after modal, should use verb bare infinitive (move)
Alamsyah Ismail   
Oct 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / The free movement of goods regulations and its impact on the domestic market [3]

The free movement of goods across national borders has long been a controversial issue. Some people argue that it is necessary for economic growth, while others claim that it damages local industries.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion. You should write at least 250 words.


These days, connecting between a country and another had become important rule particularly in economical dimension which had positif and negatif impact in order for society.

Personally, i believe that this regulation have enormous number of advantages for the domestic market, but the authority have to fit the condition.

This rule has become common in the most country today because it has tremendous benefit. For example, there are many countries that joined into the nation alliance that can allow to trade their local product to other countries. That can rise the provit and increased the economical condition. Then, this rule can also provide dividend from tax of goods that comes from outside country. It has also been profitable line for government.

In contrast, it can give opposite result if local entrepreneur donot have challenging sense. The free movement of goods would relieve local brand field. It happened as people more likely to choose other brand than original brand. On the other hand, people would addict with foreign brand that have low-cost than local brand. It can eliminate native opportunity to develop and to endorse their label.

To sum up, it can provide merit for local brand if the government forearm and have to fit the condition.
Alamsyah Ismail   
Oct 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / How Big is the Ocean? It covers roughly 71% of Earth's surface. [5]

Hello Erwin
I have a twice advice to you

There really is onlyone ocean
....you donot need one, because only means just one (small number)

the ocean contains upward of 99% of the world's biosphere
.....collocation of upward is with on or to
Alamsyah Ismail   
Oct 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Summary Task 1: High-living geckos survive snowy peaks by cuddling up [2]

Hello Yonathan
I have some advice to you

how cold-blood lizard id able to survive the freezing heights
....wrong spelling, must be is

The team found (that) this lizard emerge in the morning to bask in the sun on
The team= subject
found= verb
this lizard= subject
.....you should use conj to combine subj+verb and subj+verb
Alamsyah Ismail   
Oct 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Dance is the language, and social dance is an expression that emerges from a community. [2]

IELTS Writing Summary TED: A visual history of social dance by Cammile A. Brown.

Dance is the language, and social dance is an expression that emerges from a community. A social dance is not choreographed by any one person. It cannot be traced to any one moment. Especialy in African-American social dances, see over 200 years of how African-American traditions influenced our history. Some experts believe that the present always contains the past, and the past shapes who they are and who they will be. There are some evoution of African-American dances year-by-year, firstly, The juba dance was born from enslaved African's experience of plantation. Slapping thighs, shuffling feet, and patting hands are ilk of this dance. Then, the Cake Walk are a dance that parodied mannerisms of Southern high society a way for the enslaved to throw shade at the masters. By 1920s, the Charleston was all about improvisation and musicality, making its way into lindy hop, swing dancing, and even the Kid n Play. Exoticly, it more be famous in South Carolina that permeated dance halls where young women suddenly the had freedom to kick their heels and move their legs. The next, is the Twist that can be traced back to the 18th century. Before the Civil Rights Movement, it is popilarized by Chubby Checker and Dick Clark. The story continues in the 1980s and '90s, hip hop is a social dance that took on even more visibiity, borrowing from its long past, shaping culture and being shaped by it. Today, these dances continue to evolve, grow adn spread.
Alamsyah Ismail   
Oct 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Success is a continuous journey (TED Summary) [4]

Hello Fauzan
there are a twice advice for me

This is can explain why do people reach success
.....you donot need verb auxilary because there is can

why do people reach success and then fail
......maybe be more better if without do. the pattern, subj+verb+conj+subject+verb
Alamsyah Ismail   
Oct 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary: A Rich Life with Less Stuff: The Minimalists [4]

Hello FItri12
i have some advice, attrack your attention if you wish
i hope it can help you

the moment (verb) when he had a bright career,
.....i think this sentence needs a verb to complite it, like begin or began. Depend on the time

then unpacked later only some items (conj) he needs for daily purposes.
.....i think to combine two sentences, you should write conj like that or which
Alamsyah Ismail   
Oct 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / The pie chart and table represent information about three vital reasons that caused land degradation [3]

The pie chart and table represent information about three vital reasons that caused land degradation in the world and especially in the three regions during 1990s. It is important to notice that over-grazing had the biggest percentage been caused land degradation in the worldwide. While deforestation had been the mayor reason in the three areas between 1990s.

In North America, there are 5% land degradation that caused by deforestation, 0,2%; over-cultivation, 3,3%; and over-grazing, 1,5%. Beside, in Oceania, over-grazing had dominated percentage for the causes of land less-produtive at approximately more than one in twenty. Meanwhile in Europe are place which had the highest percentage at around more than quarter land. Deforestation had been the crucial reason that caused degradation of land over there at around 9,8% between 1990s.

A part of previous comparison, over-grazing had been the vital reason of counter-productive land at around more than a third. Then, deforestation had also been important impulse of land degradation at approximately less than a third. At last, over-cultivation had the least percentage between 2 other reasons that caused ineffectual land in worldwide at around 28% between 1990s.




Alamsyah Ismail   
Oct 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary of TEDx How women wage conflict without violence [4]

Hello Alfa7
I have a twice advice for you

Conflict and inequality gender are all ears is like some long-life ballads, (conj) never have an ending.
....you do not need is (verb) into your sentence.
.... you should write conjuction to combine two sentences


than violence campaign in 323 major political conflict(s)
.... you should write conflicts
Alamsyah Ismail   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 Summary Article: Ancient Bee fosil reveals secrets of human ancestor's habitat [3]

Australopithecus well-known as The Taung Child found in 1924 revolutioned our view of human origins. It provided as human evolved in Africa, not Eurasia as previously thought. Recently, a fossilised bee's nest reveals an insight into original place in which that early human lived more 3 million years ago. It precisely thought that Taung Child was unearthed in the remains of small cavern as the rocks containing the skull appear similiar to cave-formed limestones.

According to Philip Hopley from University of London, all other south African hominis come from cave sediment formed within a ilk of limestones, Precambrian. And he said that the Taung Child was preserved at approximately 2,8 million-years-old surface soil.

The conclution said that it raises hope of future fossil discoveries at Taung. The search for more hominin fossis has focused on the immediate area around where the Taung Chid was found, because of the assumption that the fossil formed in a relatively small limestone chamber.

source: newscientist.com/article/2107441-ancient-bee-fossil-reveals-secrets-of-human-ancestors-habitat/
Alamsyah Ismail   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / The new finding - birds can avoid crashing in flight [4]

Hello Bams14
There are some advice from me, attract your attention if you wish

birds can avoid crahsing in flight
.... crashing

they are have preference to veering right
.....to make to infinitive, have to combine between to and verb bare infinitive (veer)

sample birds who releas(ed) together in same time
.... who released
Alamsyah Ismail   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / MONTH IS THE PEOPLE - COME TO THE MARS YET [3]

Hello Bismilah
There are some advice from me

After months?????? of anticipation
...... i think you mean is MOON

least revealed his plan for making human ...
.... who his? you have to mention his name before you change with pronoun

things have not been entirely smooth ...
.... what things??? you have to explain clearly before

the vision's have been in the works
.....there is no explain about vision in your essay

the works for quite a while the last 70
......article (a)????? for what???
Alamsyah Ismail   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / The spellbinding art of human anatomy - Summary TED [2]

Anatomy especially human anatomy is one of many subjects in medical aspect that we can be focused. This can describe how our organs work to healthy connection between ourselves and our bodies. But until today, many people do not know the location of their vital organs, or even how they function. Because human anatomy is a difficult and needs time-intensive subject to learn. But, there are some artists who combined between human anatomy and art. Those paint and draw the medical illustration by perpective of illustrator into the beauty of the human skin. The technique was balanced between the technique and a beautiful concept. Actually, it exist in the past, but would be more famous with some new art-touch. It can important to understand how art influenced anatomy and give benefit for medical education precisely in the future.
Alamsyah Ismail   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / HAWAI'I VOLCANOES NATIONAL PARK [5]

Hello mdamanhuri77
There are some advice to you

The bottom of the caldera, there were lava and steams.
.... i think you do not need those into your sentence

Hawai's Volcanoes National Park
......Hawaii, no hawai
......To explain a place, do not need 's


another volcanoes in Hawai tha well-known too ...
.... Hawai= Hawaii
...tha= that
...hig= high

Alamsyah Ismail   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Specialist, Grammar, and Voluntary-controlled Schools are programs which decreased gradually [3]

The table represents information about the proportions of pupils attending in four secondary school types in period 2000 and 2009. It is important to notice that Specialist, Grammar, and Voluntary-controlled Schools are programs which desreased gradually in this period. While Community Schools is the only one school that increased dramatically to attend of pupils.

Between 2000 and 2009, there are two schools that dropped steadily to attend by pupils. Specialist and Grammar schools fell slowly from more than one in ten to 10%; and from 24% to 12%. And Voluntary-controlled School dropped dramatically stood at more than a half to a fifth%.

A part of previous comprison, Community school had been a schools to attend by pupils that rose dramatically from more than one in ten in 2000 to more than 32% in 2005. But, the highest rise happened from 32% to less than three-fifths in 2009.




Alamsyah Ismail   
Sep 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 Summary article: Prediction of climate change in 2070 [2]

Climate change and global warming can attract the disadvantageous for human especially for our environment. The researchers make a prediction in 2070 that climate change might inhibit plant growing proccess. Wheat, rice, maize, rye, barley and sorghum are sort of plants which are needed human stay alive. Grasses are an important food source for human-certainly rice, wheat and corn. Evolutionary adaptions seems particularly unlikely for domesticated species and even local declines may be devastating for some human populations. However, moving to more favourable geographical locations is not an option for amount of grass species because limits to their seed dispheral and obstacles: mountains and human settlements. Thus, let's pertain to construct our good ethical behavior that can preserve our environment.
Alamsyah Ismail   
Sep 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Five Wild Lionesses grow a mane and Start Acting Like Males [2]

Hello Yonathan
I have an advice to you

Five lionesses found in Botswana have grown a mane and are showing male-like behaviours
Five lionesses= subject
found= verb
in Botswana= adverb of place
have grown= verb
a mane....=object

.....you should use conjunction to combine one sentence and another
Alamsyah Ismail   
Sep 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Many social-related problems being rushed up if somebody's speaking is ignored by listeners [4]

Hello Ifan21
I have advice to you, attract your attention if you wish

Many social-related problem(s) being rushing up
.....because there is determiner word (many), so you should write problem with s

They sometimes become frustrate because
....Sometime, they become frustrate because ----->maybe more better when the stucture of sentence like that
Alamsyah Ismail   
Sep 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / A small country with big ideas - Costarica [6]

Costarica is one developing country which located at right in the middle of Americas. It country have nearly five million people. Actually they had fossil fuel, but this resource not generated for their electrity because it focusly to supply their electricity transportation system for next period. So that their can power their cars, buses, and trains. In the future, in 2022, this country are already trying electric buses and cars that can save money and reduce pollution. On the other hand, surprisingly this country had other alternative energy resources that fulled by 70 per cent of electricity. It found from five renewable resources: hydropower, geothermal, wind, solar, and biomass. This energy comes from water in their rivers, heat from volcanoes, wind turbines, solar panels, and biowaste. There are 3 reasons why Costarica make and choose this plan, but the major reason is "the world is hungry of new inspiration".
Alamsyah Ismail   
Sep 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / The heartbreaking education system condition in a state of India, Hariyana [3]

Hello Sari Trisna
I have some advice to you, pay attention if you wish

People usually have mindset that itis almost impossible to change the corrupt government.
....because pronoun (it) mentioned to people, i think you should use plural verb (are)

which has 15,000 public schools with 2 millions student(s)
.... million have to without s

then several idea(s) that supported to achieve the purpose

an alternative solution when one of the team member(s) saw a teacher
Alamsyah Ismail   
Sep 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary 2 Pie charts represent water usage in San Diego,California and Worldwide [5]

Hello Dioba
I have a twice advice to you, pay attention if you wish

California is the region which is the biggest water usage for industry
...according the picture, the highest percentage is resident

only a very small number water usage by resident in worldwide
......there are no verb in your sentence
Alamsyah Ismail   
Sep 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Water usage in a major city from the West USA, based on agricultural and residential demand [2]

The pie charts represent and compare information about using water in San Diego, California and the Worldwide. It is important to notice that resident had been the highest user of water in San Diego and California. While agriculture had been the least percentage of using water in both of them. Overall, it opposite result in worldwide that agricuture dominated water to use by people.

In San Diego, using water reached at around three-fifths for resindential part. It had been fullness of percentage of using water. This case also occured in California that reached in level at around 39%. While agriculture had been the lowest percentage at approximately 17% in San Diego and 28% in California. And industry positioned in the middle that used water at around 23% in San Diego and 33% in California.

A part of previous comparison, agriculture dominated using water more than industry and residental demanding at around more than two-thirds. While opposite with previous result, agriculture had the least percentage at approximately less than one in ten. And same case within San Diego and California, industry was still in the middle position at less than a quarter.




Alamsyah Ismail   
Sep 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary: The Benefits of a Bilingual Brain by Mia Nacamulli [3]

Hello Fitri12
I have some advice to you, please pay attention if you wish

Those who are bilinguals have balanced skills...
.... i think you not should use conj into your sentence

have balanced skills, thus most bilinguals around the globe, know and utilize their languages ...
.......because you used balanced, by me, you should use knew and utilized
Alamsyah Ismail   
Sep 28, 2016
Undergraduate / Big City Dreams Flagler College Essay [2]

Hello Hannan
I have a twice of advice to you, please pay attention if you wish

It was my first trip to an iconic city (conj) I had only dreamed to see in postcards.
.....to connec one sentence and another, you should use conjunction=connecting word

I was there to see (pronoun)+family
.... i think you should use pronoun (my)
Alamsyah Ismail   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / On learning vacations the travelers may enjoy their time off by learning something new [3]

IELTS Writing Task 1 Learning Vacations

Now days, there are kinds of trip which is provide a learning vacations. It be more popular because it can make the travelers to enjoy their time off by learning something new. In the past, these types were generally considered for young who learned in the school. But now, the learnng vacations has become more coomon for adults to spend their pastime in educational project, and various types of travel programs be more interest. From this trip, travelers can hone their creative skills on artistic endeavour. However, there are many content which travelers can choose such as photography and dancing to more serious subjects such as history, phylosophy, and literature. It provide much advantage than any types like more economical.
Alamsyah Ismail   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Shawn Anchor believes that our brain views can shapes our reality. [6]

Hello dioba
I have a twice advice to you

Not only change our brain views , but also we can change ...
Our brain view can change with perspective

educational and business outcome
educational= adjective
bussiness outcome= noun phrase

it is not relevant to combine and use pararel word

Alamsyah Ismail   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS SUMMARY MONTH IS LEARNING VACATION [6]

Hello Bismillah
I have a twice of advice to you

s many people wants, such as , when they used all the time just
your comma are an important to use in your sentence

Many ways which are used usually by the youth or ...

pay attention with using comma and conjunction
Alamsyah Ismail   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 Summary TED: A project of peace painted across 50 buildings [3]

How to construct a city where had been collapsed? It is a difficult question to answer, espesially in city which is fall apart of a devastating tragedy like coup d'etat in Egyptian. The accident was destroyed and relieved the spirit of civilization in there. But, there was a native man who had a new conception to develop humanist intention again. Him talk and make a discussion with several people in there. His idea to paint the wall of ruins with full by great number of colors accepted by personage in his city. The surprisingly result, the building covered by Arabic calligraphy that can answer the question. And proved that collaboration between a new idea and effort of local communities can attact the misconception and judgment.
Alamsyah Ismail   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / The history of England Conquest [3]

Hello PHA2016
i have an advice to you

all area(s) surrounded by Scandinavian ...
...you shoud s in area, because there are all before area
Alamsyah Ismail   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / In 2015 export of dairy products had dominated comparing to other products [2]

The table chart shows number of Someland's main exports in 2005, 2015 and compares with prediction in 2025. Overall, it is immediately apparent that in 2015 export of dairy products had dominated than other products. While in future predition, international tourism will be the highest percentage.

There are number of main exports of Someland which devided into two earner: product, meat and dairy; international tourism. In 2005 meat product decreased gradually from around 6 USD to 3 one-fifth in the future. On the another product, dairy product had fluctuated from 2005, 4 one-fifth USD; 2015, increasengly to point 8 USD and the prediction decreased steadly into approximately 7,8 USD.

From human service side, international had been main exports of Someland. It rose gradually, stood at about 6,2 in 2005 up to approximately 7 USD in 2015. In the prediction, the best rise of international tourism wiil be happened in 2025 at around 8 USD.




Alamsyah Ismail   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary TED: Speak Up for Syrian People [6]

Hello afdhel
i have a twice advice to you, pay attention if you wish

they were there due to they believe we deserve the better world.
.....they= subject
.....were= verb
.....there= adverb of place
......due to= adj
.....they= subject
......believe=verb
there are 2 subjects and verbs. you shoud use a conj onto your sentence


The better world for all of us
.....there are no verb on your sentence
Alamsyah Ismail   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary: Changing the Face of Fashion By Mariah Idrissi [6]

Hello Fitri12
I have a twice advice to you, please pay attention if you wish

that something small is able to give major impacts
.......that something smal be able to give major

impacts as the people around her start questioning
.........collocation of impact with on/to
Alamsyah Ismail   
Sep 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Theft crimes in some countries in regard of cars [2]

EILTS Writing Task 1 Comparing the car theft

The line graph compares the theft of car in four countries between 1990 and 1999. It is clear from the charts that Great Britain had showed the fluctuation case of car theft and be the highest percentage in 1995. While, Canada had been the least percentage about car theft.

In the period between 1990 and 1995, car theft in Great Britain rose a two percentage from around 17 to 18. During the same period, car theft was dramatical rose in France, to nearly 10, while in Canada and Sweden fluctuated between 6 and 8 in this period.

By 1999, the number of car theft had occured in Great Britain in average had plummeted to around 16, but the car theft in France had rose around a half since 1995s, to approximately 14. By contrast, there were no significant changes in Canada and Sweden over the period as a whole




Alamsyah Ismail   
Sep 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / A Fuel Tanker Fire in Mexico's Gulf Coast [5]

Hello Aris
i have an advice to your essay

A horrible accident happened in Mexico's gulf when an oil tanker of petroleos mexicanos , called the burgos, transporting about 168,000 barrels had burned on Saturday.

there are 3 verb, but only one conjunction (when).....to complete your sentence, you should use 2 conj.
Alamsyah Ismail   
Sep 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary TED: Your Body is My Canvas [6]

Painting is the kind of art that usually painted the object on the canvas. But, there is a new method that painted directly on top of the object, physically on surface of the object. Acrylic painting made human as object of painting. It skip the canvas, so it need to paint all of the body of object: ear, feet, clooth that used by object. And make it fully covered object's body with ink. In this way, it be able to take a three-dimensional scene and make it look like a two-dimensional painting. It came up by new idea from a woman that well-known as Alexa Meade. The method was found when she so exited and fascinated by light and shadow. That is why she have an idea to combine people directly into paintings process.

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