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University of Pennsylvania optional supplement (the good old autobiography)

3 - And so you, the readers, would have guessed that I was intelligent, determined boy when I started the 2-year...

Undergraduatez4evafoolz - Dec 26, 2009EF_Kevin - Dec 30, 2009
"education is useless because it dulls our personalities." required supplement

15 - I think that the essay is much better than before. Its more focused than before. Could it be better...

Undergraduatez4evafoolz - Dec 26, 2009Dbarrows1 - Dec 27, 2009
Common App Essay: Topic of your choice- "Spreading My Branches"

6 - How crazy it is that people actually chanted "keep the white house white." I think that if you are...

Undergraduatenikisfalling - Dec 26, 2009EF_Kevin - Dec 30, 2009
Computer is useful tool - has many functions

3 - Keng Thank you Keng so much! I still remember that you instruct me how to post essay into essay...

Writing Feedbackautumnwave - Dec 26, 2009autumnwave - Dec 28, 2009
"Time is ticking." - Johns Hopkins Supplement ----

5 - Change that to feel instead of feels. What I learned in that fifty-five minute class period changed...

Undergraduatemal_nerak - Dec 26, 2009EF_Kevin - Dec 30, 2009
Cornell - The environment blurs into a sight of indistinguishable colors and shapes

10 - i'm sorry if i can across as harsh, you have some serious skills as a writer, you really do,...

Undergraduatetkkt1 - Dec 26, 2009srandhawa - Dec 27, 2009
my father, Who has Influenced me. Princeton's Essay.

5 - Thank you all SOOOOO much VERY very helpful, and not too harsh at all, thank you very much. made...

UndergraduateDevataa - Dec 26, 2009Devataa - Dec 26, 2009
UPenn: Acadamic Communities

5 - I actually liked the first paragraph. I think it really shows that you have done your research, which further...

UndergraduateTimMill - Dec 26, 2009rzj123 - Dec 26, 2009
"I was a hard worker and a good athlete" - my essay fo Boston University

4 - I see that you capitalized "It" by mistake.. but... it must just be a typo. I'll add...

UndergraduateMCqueen - Dec 26, 2009EF_Kevin - Dec 30, 2009
CORNELL CAS Supplement Essay- Cheating on Humanities!?

7 - okay, I reorganized some of the paragraphs. Someone told me they didn't like the affair metaphor, and then someone...

UndergraduateMasterus - Dec 26, 2009Masterus - Dec 27, 2009
"I'm not afraid of falling into my inkpot" --Princeton essay

4 - I don't think it is enough to just take a stab at the quote at the end. College will...

Undergraduatextremewishes - Dec 26, 2009EF_Kevin - Dec 30, 2009
"Music and sport..." - My common application essay...

17 - I agree with hern255...the list of qualities in the beginning is a bit "blah".. keep in mind that the...

Undergraduatepoisonivy - Dec 26, 2009KW3EN - Jan 4, 2010
U Chicago essay (my own prompt) "Are you free?"

7 - This sentence is a little awkward, because of the way you use priceless and financially. I think...

UndergraduateNonSequitur - Dec 26, 2009EF_Kevin - Dec 30, 2009
Question about the CMC leadership essay

4 - i think your teacher is just fine. using examples about the whole school would make it seem bigger while...

UndergraduateElmersGlue - Dec 26, 2009Ayshaya - Dec 30, 2009
Common App:Personal Statement (Am I portraying the right image?)

5 - I enjoy good smelling hair, and, in all seriousness, I can never decide whether "lemongrass" or "strawberry smoothie" smells...

Undergraduateparanormale - Dec 26, 2009EF_Kevin - Dec 30, 2009
Caltech - interest, curiosity, or excitement about math, science or engineering.

4 - I really enjoyed your essay! I'm also working on my CalTech essay right now. One piece of advice...

Undergraduatewallacethedog - Dec 26, 2009FakeWingZ - Dec 30, 2009
"every man is a piece of the continent" - Trinity supplement essay

2 - I think that this sentence weakens the piece. A better opening sentence here would be to jump directly...

UndergraduateSSYQ - Dec 26, 2009LewisClark13 - Dec 28, 2009
"Why" + "Paid work experience" - My Syracuse essay..

5 - I finished the last one.. any thoughts? thanks so much for your help to the people above!! 3. Our...

Undergraduatedestiny_g212 - Dec 26, 2009destiny_g212 - Dec 30, 2009
Tell us about an engineering idea you have...

3 - This is too much of a leap from one subject to another: The size of the emissions in the...

Undergraduatefearless9 - Dec 26, 2009EF_Kevin - Dec 30, 2009
"the department stores on Fifth Avenue" - Williams Essay

6 - I love this essay. I think you have accomplished precisely what Williams is looking for, perhaps you could include...

Undergraduateguitarbfour - Dec 26, 2009cmg12 - Dec 29, 2009
Common App Essay about Crust Punks

3 - Add some commas: As I became better acquainted with the crusties, I began to... I like taking...

Undergraduatecgnolan - Dec 26, 2009EF_Kevin - Dec 30, 2009
TOEFL "working by hand vs. using machines"

3 - Thank you so much Karen, for such a precise editing...

Writing Feedbackhitchhike - Dec 26, 2009hitchhike - Dec 28, 2009
"Playing as a goalkeeper" - MIT pleasure essay (100 words)

8 - Add a comma: But that is the beauty of a soccer match, because once I shoot the ball beyond...

Undergraduatemarigandi - Dec 26, 2009EF_Kevin - Dec 30, 2009
Mac essay-Macalester College supplement about diversity

6 - Is one of your friend named 甚至？ This essay generally looks good, related to the cultural diverse, but...

Undergraduateyf8651 - Dec 26, 2009dingpx - Jan 11, 2010
Rice University: cultural/unique life experiences essay

5 - The heat is intense, my knee length (how about a different adjective? "knee length" makes the reader wonder if...

Undergraduateepirote901 - Dec 26, 2009EF_Kevin - Dec 30, 2009
Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute: They say I impacted the 21st century...

8 - The world has entered an era of rapidly increasin g change. The people who lead Leading scientists of this...

Writing Feedbackmstickel - Dec 26, 2009EF_Kevin - Dec 30, 2009
Skidmore supplement response - why a good match?

2 - I think your essay is a little bit too broad and general. You know, because of the word limit...

Undergraduatehbrad8002 - Dec 26, 2009yf8651 - Dec 26, 2009
Short answer activity--volunteering at nursing home.

7 - ok this wayy better than your last prompt ok again stick to one tense e.g "However, I got...

UndergraduateAlibaba - Dec 26, 2009umulbaneen - Dec 31, 2009
"attraction towards Mathematics" - MIT admission essay

12 - It is excellent! It does show all the passion you have for mathematics. I am also applying for MIT,...

Undergraduatemjellma - Dec 26, 2009molecule - Dec 28, 2009
The Body I Love - University of Chicago Extended essay

2 - Hello Zee again :) Epiphany is spelt like that <----------------- SinceWhen I was much younger, I was...

Undergraduatezainob - Dec 26, 2009z4evafoolz - Dec 26, 2009
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