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Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays (page 37)

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"My brother to my left, My brother my right. Together we stand, Together we fight."

4 - Hi Mathew, as this is the first time I will review your essay, I would like to WELCOME you...

UndergraduatePickleM1 - Nov 29, 2016 / justivy03 - Nov 30, 2016
Today experience matters much more than credentials in the labor market. ProTrack Engineering Co-op

6 - @Holt Wow that is an amazing intro. I will write another one using yours as a reference....

UndergraduateNgwane - Nov 28, 2016 / Ngwane - Nov 30, 2016
It only took about 10 years of public schooling for me to finally appreciate science.

2 - Allana, I think that your narration can be better improved if you skip talking about the dullness of your...

Undergraduatesleepycorndogs - Nov 29, 2016 / Holt - Nov 30, 2016
Essay pertaining to a life expeirience that influenced character

2 - Andreas, there seems to be an exaggeration on your part regarding the accident. You describe the minivan as having...

Undergraduatealovemarvel - Nov 30, 2016 / Holt - Nov 30, 2016
Personal Profile for application (applied sciences)

3 - Eric, rather than simply telling the reviewer that you were an introvert, you should have shown instances when other...

Undergraduatebontol - Nov 30, 2016 / Holt - Nov 30, 2016
A dream ticket: I would get on a plane to Silicon Valley for a meeting with Elon Musk

2 - Ryan, please don't waste your opportunity in this essay on such a trivial response as meeting celebrities and spending...

Undergraduateryan6ixgod - Nov 30, 2016 / Holt - Nov 30, 2016
Kilachand Honors College Essay on the Power

4 - Charisma, here the thing, your opening statement should be a presentation of facts based upon the paraphrased prompt. That...

Undergraduatepoorwriterhelp - Nov 30, 2016 / Holt - Nov 30, 2016
Most students have an identity, an interest or a talent that defines them in an essential way...

2 - Kieran, what you are talking about is not a talent nor an identity. You have nothing in this essay...

Undergraduatekieranh1 - Nov 30, 2016 / Holt - Nov 30, 2016
In the Eyes of My Siblings - ESSAY for UCLA: Freshman Application

2 - Salma, I am confused. What is the relevance of your running away from home? Since you bothered to narrate...

Undergraduatefdodi1 - Nov 30, 2016 / Holt - Nov 30, 2016
What was the surroundings in which you grew up? Explain how it shaped you as a person.

5 - @Holt Thank you for your advice but I would not consider myself a "military brat" as I was never...

Undergraduaterachizzle17 - Nov 29, 2016 / rachizzle17 - Nov 30, 2016
Essay about failure in musical theatre resulting in success in opera - common app prompt

4 - Am I that active? Thanks for the compliment Allana. In reference to your question, the forum admin doesn't consider...

Undergraduatesleepycorndogs - Nov 29, 2016 / Holt - Nov 29, 2016
Along the way of my 17-year rollercoaster ride in this life, I have learned valuable life lessons

2 - Ryan, your opening statement is good but doesn't really help your story along. The physical description of the family...

Undergraduateryan6ixgod - Nov 29, 2016 / Holt - Nov 29, 2016
Right from my childhood, my dream was to become a civil Engineer - personal and/or academic goals

2 - Habeeb. the prompt was cut off in your title portion. Please post the full prompt as soon as you...

Undergraduatehabeeb - Nov 28, 2016 / Holt - Nov 28, 2016
What draws you to Bates- Bates 2016 Writing Supplement

2 - Kevin, the essay really works for your benefit. It is strong and clearly reflects your understanding of the prompt...

UndergraduateKevinG - Nov 28, 2016 / Holt - Nov 28, 2016
My Struggle with Personal Relationship and How I Solved It- 2016 CA Essay

5 - Yankun, whether it is the problem prompt or the failure prompt, your essay works for either common app discussion....

UndergraduateKevinG - Nov 28, 2016 / Holt - Nov 28, 2016
Cuba Experience - PENN STATE ESSAY REVIEW

3 - @Holt Thank you so much for your comment! It had helped me a lot. The paragraph had...

Undergraduatekaatgxx - Nov 21, 2016 / kaatgxx - Nov 28, 2016
To get accepted into USC, one must _____________. (USC SUPPLEMENT)

4 - Thanks for the clarification. I believe that you still pursue some presentation about the organization that will help you...

Undergraduatethenickchin - Nov 28, 2016 / Holt - Nov 28, 2016
Keeping Your Stomach and Heart Full

3 - While you do mention that joy starts in the kitchen, you end up discussing dinner as the main activity...

Undergraduateyjung17 - Nov 28, 2016 / Holt - Nov 28, 2016
The Death of my Father. I become a self-sufficient, conscientious learner - Apply Texas Essay A

3 - @lizaboo72 Let me just say that I absolutely loved your essay. It truly shows how strong you are and...

Undergraduatelizaboo72 - Nov 27, 2016 / yjung17 - Nov 28, 2016
'help others to get the ball rolling and self-perseverance' - Responding to an unfamiliar situation

3 - Albert, in order to understand why dealing with the seniors was an unfamiliar situation to you, the reviewer must...

UndergraduateOnlineBlueTurtle - Nov 27, 2016 / Holt - Nov 28, 2016
As a Nigerian and also a black child, I stand as a symbol of Africa all over the world and my dream

4 - Habeeb, let's start with the opening paragraph. That is really not necessary as your second paragraph is stronger and...

Undergraduatehabeeb - Nov 27, 2016 / Holt - Nov 27, 2016
Only Better - conquering something a thousand times larger than myself; Common App. Personal Essay

3 - @Holt, thank you so much for your comments. Your feedback definitely puts things into perspective, and I am willing...

Undergraduatermarquez - Nov 27, 2016 / rmarquez - Nov 27, 2016
College application essay on how I will help enrich their community!

4 - Good foundation, but I think you would do well to expound on the programs and clubs that you plan...

Undergraduatebreslusarek - Nov 26, 2016 / rmarquez - Nov 27, 2016
Doing something for the first time can be extremely intimidating... Describe an unfamiliar situation

4 - I think that what you have written would make a good introduction. You could use your rugby experience as...

Undergraduatejentyj - Nov 26, 2016 / rmarquez - Nov 27, 2016
Describe your best experience working as a leader or working in a group or team (SHAD Valley 2017)

3 - @Holt Ok, thank you so much!...

Undergraduatealex137911 - Nov 26, 2016 / alex137911 - Nov 26, 2016
Describe your favorite academic subject and explain how it has influenced you.

4 - @ymcashehata After all, scientific discoveries are not made by parrots who refuse to question what their surroundings.... ...

Undergraduateymcashehata - Nov 7, 2016 / alex137911 - Nov 26, 2016
Education is the first step in my life as an adult - Common app essay

4 - Fantastic ! Victoria, you have really come through with this essay. The idea behind how you transformed into an...

Undergraduateblueblue01 - Nov 25, 2016 / Holt - Nov 26, 2016
'all the hard work made will be worth it' - UPenn's Writing Supplement

6 - @Holt I can't thank you enough for the advice! I'll start my new essay and I'll probably share it...

Undergraduatepoorwriterhelp - Nov 24, 2016 / poorwriterhelp - Nov 26, 2016
Being biracial is like fighting a war within yourself - COMMON APP ESSAY REVIEW

12 - Happy belated Thanksgiving to you to and yes, I do celebrate Thanksgiving. I really like the way your essay...

Undergraduatekangsix - Nov 20, 2016 / Holt - Nov 26, 2016
Tell a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrates your character

3 - Hi Roy, as I go through the prompt, I was hoping that I would be able to read a...

UndergraduateRedPillow - Nov 25, 2016 / justivy03 - Nov 25, 2016
WHY BOSTON UNIVERSITY? my passion for biology and experience living in a 3rd world nation

2 - Ademidun, I do not see any commonalities listed between your interests in Boston University and the way the university...

UndergraduateDemieymaj - Nov 25, 2016 / Holt - Nov 25, 2016
Common App Prompt 5: How family problems helped catalyze my transition to adulthood.

3 - Hassan, it can be said that this essay, in terms of story, focuses more on your brother and the...

Undergraduateashutosh123 - Nov 24, 2016 / Holt - Nov 25, 2016
Helping elderly using new technologies. Statement of objective, MIT graduate school

11 - @Holt Thank you so much! I really appreciate what you have done to help people improve essays and...

Undergraduatesddxwytxfh - Nov 22, 2016 / sddxwytxfh - Nov 24, 2016
Human resource management answer - your specific concentration areas of interest

4 - Nazia, if you will kindly remove the reference to being a deputy commissioner, the second half of your response...

Undergraduatenazzia30 - Nov 23, 2016 / Holt - Nov 24, 2016
My greatest talent or skill: Dance/Choreography. Why is this meaningful to you?

3 - Elaine, I find that your essay was misled in direction by the opening statement that you presented. That is...

Undergraduateey17173 - Nov 23, 2016 / Holt - Nov 24, 2016
'my outlet to express myself' - FIT Fashion Merchandising and Management Major Fall 2017

2 - Sophia, I have some points for your consideration regarding your presentation of information in the essay. First of all,...

Undergraduatesoph1998 - Nov 23, 2016 / Holt - Nov 24, 2016
We want to get to know you better. Description by a friend. Colgate University Supplemental Essay

4 - Cassie, based upon your description in the statement, your character trait should be described more as opinionated than honest....

Undergraduatecb8156 - Nov 23, 2016 / Holt - Nov 24, 2016
"I could either watch it happen or be part of it." SOP for technical internship.

3 - I would also recommend relating it back to the quote you started it with to truly conclude your essay....

UndergraduateKodesmart - Nov 23, 2016 / cb8156 - Nov 23, 2016
The exam day had arrived. Personal Essay for Common App

3 - Akankysha, I think that your essay is running a bit too long when it doesn't need to be. Your...

Undergraduateakankshya - Nov 23, 2016 / Holt - Nov 23, 2016
Illegal. Undocumented. Invisible. Vulnerable. I am a DREAMER - Common App essay

3 - Michelle, I can sense the emotions that you have placed into developing this essay. You have laid yourself out...

Undergraduatemichelle31 - Nov 22, 2016 / Holt - Nov 22, 2016
I ruffled my hair in frustration - Common app essay on background, identity, interest, or talent

3 - Cindy, here is a rule of thumb with reviewers reading college application essays. They do not believe, appreciate, nor...

Undergraduatecmizhquiri - Nov 21, 2016 / Holt - Nov 22, 2016
Why you are interested in applying to and attending Swarthmore? To be challenged academically.

4 - I would rather that you do not add them. You see, unless you have actually experienced the events or...

Undergraduateyjung17 - Nov 21, 2016 / Holt - Nov 21, 2016
Growing up with a single, military mother- PENN STATE ESSAY REVIEW

4 - Yes, you should definitely explain the situation about your mother's PTSD and your brother's Epilepsy because those situations further...

Undergraduatekangsix - Nov 21, 2016 / Holt - Nov 21, 2016
NYU Abu Dhabi. The idea of going to an university, let alone leaving the school, had been disturbing

5 - Hello, let me give my correction for you while specialisingspecializing in one field of pursuingan or the...

UndergraduateWaheguru225 - Nov 20, 2016 / yurikeyuri - Nov 21, 2016
Tell us something you do for your own pleasure. (sketching and reading)

5 - you are right ill just do that drawing one. thank you so much....

Undergraduateidontknow - Nov 20, 2016 / idontknow - Nov 20, 2016
Admission essay: If I had to choose... I'd go to Thailand.

2 - Tasnim, you have really responded well to the prompt with the topic you have chosen and the presentation you...

Undergraduatetasnimf - Nov 19, 2016 / Holt - Nov 20, 2016
Barnard is all that I have envisioned

7 - Yoosol, you need to make adjustments to the first paragraph where you speak of the values that Anne Nathan...

Undergraduateyjung17 - Nov 17, 2016 / Holt - Nov 18, 2016
Boston University is the Perfect Utopia

6 - Hello I will give you my correction, feel free to corection me too. Ever since I remember when...

Undergraduateyjung17 - Nov 15, 2016 / alfinkurnia - Nov 17, 2016
Growing up, I always knew I wanted to be an Artist. SCAD statement of purpose.

3 - Luisa, what you have written is a personal statement for your application. This is not a statement of purpose....

Undergraduateluisaj - Nov 16, 2016 / Holt - Nov 17, 2016
A story about yourself that you have not already shared in your application

7 - @yurikeyuri Thank you, thank you!...

Undergraduatelibbysims - Nov 16, 2016 / libbysims - Nov 16, 2016
If I had the ticket in my hands right now I would be on my way to visit Paris. College essay

3 - Hello, Mariel. In the second paragraph, I found that you tried to contradict your motive about the destination. It's...

Undergraduatedianamariel - Nov 16, 2016 / khanifati - Nov 16, 2016
My personal long term goal is to become a civil engineer and be an inspiration to others

3 - @Lucas1997 You have just 100 word maximum, so there is no neccesity to repeat 'My personal long term goal...

UndergraduateLucas1997 - Nov 9, 2016 / Nyurkens - Nov 15, 2016
I had always been infatuated with animated cartoon shows - USC Cinematic Arts Personal Statement

10 - Hello, let me give you my correction ...,one thing I will never budge on,...I think this is opposite,...

UndergraduateMiaZhang - Nov 5, 2016 / yurikeyuri - Nov 15, 2016
UC Prompt- OBSTACLES...Taking care of grandma

2 - Annika, indeed, this essay is quite personal. It is well written and portrays your difficulties in life. I know...

Undergraduateannikaacuna - Nov 15, 2016 / Holt - Nov 15, 2016
I have lost in a competition, but I have won many things - IMP: Astronomy - Common App Essay

18 - @Holt Great, I will do my best editing it and I will send it here right away. Thank you...

UndergraduateEhabugrad - Nov 14, 2016 / Ehabugrad - Nov 14, 2016
College Essay: What inspired you to apply to Union? (Limit: 150 words)

4 - There are a number of discussion points that you can consider for this statement. The first is the liberal...

UndergraduateEhabugrad - Nov 14, 2016 / Holt - Nov 14, 2016
Additional Information section in Common App CHECK

2 - Ehab. don't use bullet points when writing in this section of your application. It must still be presented in...

UndergraduateEhabugrad - Nov 14, 2016 / Holt - Nov 14, 2016
PERSONAL STATEMENT FOR USEFP SEMESTER EXCHANGE PROGRAM

2 - Afreen, the reality of your essay is that it is severely under developed in terms of responding to the...

UndergraduateAynna - Nov 14, 2016 / Holt - Nov 14, 2016
College Essay, Topic A, help edit, is due by Nov., Edit anything: Vocab, Grammar, Puncuation

3 - Hi Victoria Plata, Your writing is good, but in order to make it better, here some suggestions for...

Undergraduatepeanutgirl - Oct 16, 2016 / dils - Nov 14, 2016
My mom is always there for me. The Person Who Changed My Life.

2 - Hannah, hats off to you for choosing your mom for the center of this essay. She sounds like a...

Undergraduatejc4 - Nov 14, 2016 / Holt - Nov 14, 2016

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