|Home / Writing Feedback [23,910] - page 381 of 399|
|Art Paper - Elizabeth Murray
4 - Like Kevin said, I would strengthen the first paragraph. One way of doing that is by quoting Murray near...
Writing FeedbackLink42 - Apr 14, 2009 / silverystars - Apr 18, 2009
|Suxanne - a story about one of my dreams
3 - Wow, your opening imagery is graphic and gripping. Great job. If you want to make your story even stronger,...
Writing Feedbacknizarnasir - Apr 14, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 18, 2009
|"Is racism becoming an obstacle in today`s world?" - correct my essay
4 - In our diverse society, racism is facing proving to be one of humankind's major tensions in this day...
Writing Feedbackstudent001 - Apr 16, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 17, 2009
|"King of the Jungle - story feedback
Writing Feedbackmeshaal - Apr 14, 2009 / meshaal - Apr 16, 2009
|500 word image essay (Black Hair Report)
4 - You seem to be on the right track. Now go into more detail. Why were they "jumping" through the...
Writing Feedbackteelyons - Apr 14, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 16, 2009
|"the chase" story
4 - thank you guys, ur really helpful. but Sean can u suggest some better verbs. im really bad at this....
Writing Feedbacknewsha31 - Apr 13, 2009 / newsha31 - Apr 14, 2009
|Essay to Compare and Contrast Two members of Your Family
Writing FeedbackQueenie31 - Apr 13, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 14, 2009
|Psychology Concepts applied to the real world
5 - ...taught them to sew their clothes... She stayed very close to her sister and brought her along so...
Writing Feedbackteelyons - Apr 13, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 14, 2009
|"Who Swims with the Tuna" by Quammen and "Riches of the Sea" by Scully
3 - I think it was David Brin who first pointed out that environmentalists are always only really concerned with creatures...
Writing FeedbackCodyB - Apr 13, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 14, 2009
2 - I would often judge people on assumptions I had been brought up with. Since starting college, I have...
Writing Feedbackkazzy31 - Apr 12, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 13, 2009
|Many people regret that they had not attended a university, but none regret that have a degree
4 - Hi adalumi, your topic and mine are the same thing :D essayforum.com/writing/university-career-preparation-self-6375/ I think your essay is...
Writing Feedbackadalumi - Apr 10, 2009 / MonkeyDDragon - Apr 13, 2009
|Education Playground -- letters after your name
Writing Feedbackzoomdots - Apr 11, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 12, 2009
|IELTS ESSAY: lessons with teachers versus others sources
Writing Feedbackeffy_sun - Apr 8, 2009 / effy_sun - Apr 11, 2009
|SAT essay: Are people's lives the result of the choices they make?
4 - Thanks ^ ^...
Writing Feedbackkitty Freud - Apr 9, 2009 / kitty Freud - Apr 10, 2009
|TOEFL essay: movies - serious or amusing?
11 - If you like Blackadder, you should check out some of Atkinson's stand-up comedy. A few skits are "Mr Bean-ish,"...
Writing Feedbackeric_ly - Apr 8, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 10, 2009
|Something That Changed Me - Becoming a Bully
13 - Yes, six! (Picture me with an amiable yet incredulous expression.) At least, that was my experience. I'm all...
Writing FeedbackANSH729 - Mar 27, 2009 / silverystars - Apr 10, 2009
|The individuality, use of machines and traveling for pleasure - essay
Writing FeedbackChidem - Apr 5, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 10, 2009
|Apprenticeship Program Aplication
Writing Feedbackangelfight - Apr 9, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 10, 2009
|Economic paper: the role of opportunity cost in financial decision making
5 - Like Kevin, I can only guess at your meaning, as a result of unfamiliarity with the subject matter combined...
Writing FeedbackAbby002 - Apr 7, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 10, 2009
|Advertisers, affecting our childs thought process
10 - Overall this is a really well constructed essay. I wonder, though, if you might make a bit stronger if...
Writing Feedbacklilmisha - Apr 3, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 10, 2009
|Definition Essay: Building the Blocks, Becoming Successful (The Climb)
3 - "Success" is derived from the Latin word "successus"... You can follow Sean's advice by using a new topic...
Writing Feedbackbhoptl - Apr 8, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 9, 2009
|Pushed to hard work-----a positive or negative development?
Writing Feedbackkirin - Apr 8, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 9, 2009
5 - As you rework this essay, think about how you can move, as you progress from the introduction to the...
Writing Feedbackhannahkim91 - Apr 8, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 8, 2009
|Hypocrisy in the Chrysalids
Writing Feedbackmacawtopia - Apr 6, 2009 / Rosamond - Apr 8, 2009
|It's with God's miracle that human miracles are innovate; Human Mind vs. the Computer
Writing FeedbackRosamond - Apr 5, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 6, 2009
|The higher goal the bigger efforts for it. (SAT Essay)
5 - About that thesis, I think you should move this sentence to the end o the first paragraph: People should...
Writing FeedbackGiovane - Apr 5, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 6, 2009
|Essay on England's Right to Tax
Writing FeedbackReborn777 - Apr 5, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 6, 2009
|Limiting the Use of Dispable Plastic Bags
5 - Chidem and HD, thanks for those great insights. It helps in more ways than you know; it helps me...
Writing Feedbacklenzo537 - Apr 5, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 6, 2009
|qualities required for a happy marriage
Writing Feedbackkaynling - Apr 5, 2009 / kaynling - Apr 6, 2009
|Some of my thoughts - an essay
8 - "some thoughts - an essay" This seems to be the crux of your problems. An essay is not usually...
Writing FeedbackRajiv - Aug 12, 2008 / EF_Sean - Apr 6, 2009
|The Big Three, Japanese Archetypes
3 - Well, about the space limitation, remember: you could, if you had to, write this whole essay in a single...
Writing FeedbackFDeacon - Apr 4, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 5, 2009
|Essay on Obama's Stimulus Plan
8 - Well, if you have to remain neutral, perhaps you could focus on the fact that it is controversial, turn...
Writing FeedbackFDeacon - Mar 31, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 4, 2009
|My sculpture paper, Emile Antoine Bourdelle
6 - I agree with Kevin -- you have met the requirements and given a decent description of the artwork, but...
Writing FeedbackMoeMoe1 - Apr 1, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 4, 2009
|Introduction essay for Death of a Salesman prompt- Critiques?
3 - You're on the right track. Willy is only truly happy when he is working with his hands. If he...
Writing Feedbackkeentimothy - Apr 2, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 4, 2009
|"Important truths begin as.." (CLEP English Comp w/essay)
4 - Oh, that is an interesting point you made, about the difficulty of writing when you don't know much about...
Writing Feedbacknazgolg2000 - Apr 3, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 4, 2009
|The mighty (movie) essay. Max's past.
Writing Feedbacknewsha31 - Apr 2, 2009 / newsha31 - Apr 4, 2009
|Pledge of Allegiance, under God, separation of church/state, essay feedback
Writing Feedbackkauilani1 - Mar 31, 2009 / silverystars - Apr 3, 2009
|Pan's Labyrinth vs. The Fountain essay
4 - I agree with the Eliot quote. Tennessee Williams said it best: "I give you truth in the pleasant disguise...
Writing Feedbackmwingboy - Mar 31, 2009 / silverystars - Apr 3, 2009
|Opening paragraph - 1984 by George Orwell - Big Brother control
5 - There is only one way in which one is allowed to carry out sexual activities: to produce a child...
Writing Feedbackpeppersauce - Apr 1, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 3, 2009
|A good X ( Teacher, Roomate, Classmate, Friend, etc.)
3 - You really need to pick one X. (Teacher, Roommate, Classmate, Friend, etc.). Anything general enough to fit all of...
Writing FeedbackCS800 - Mar 31, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 1, 2009
|The Ultimate Controversy: Argument Essay
19 - "Ultimately, Brandon McInerney and all juveniles who carry out premeditated and hate crimes must be tried as adults" I...
Writing Feedbackpanmit - Feb 25, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 1, 2009
|Description Movie-Secret essay
2 - Jay lives with his father -- who is a Tamkang music teacher that wears glasses and a beard, and...
Writing Feedbacklilylee34 - Mar 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 1, 2009
|Power Privilege essay
8 - You still need to work on defining power. You might start by going over to dictionary.com, which lists 20...
Writing Feedbackwilliams73 - Mar 31, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 1, 2009
|Some Causes of Stress -- work, family, finance.
3 - In our modern, technological century, stress becomes a common experience for all of us. There are many reasons. for...
Writing Feedbackchubbybear - Mar 30, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 31, 2009
|TOEFL Essay - Cars cause a lot of air pollution...
5 - In my view, this payment it is obviously their responsibility to pay for cleaning the environment and to support...
Writing Feedbackinextricable - Mar 30, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 31, 2009
5 - I agree that the first paragraph should be cut. Instead of saying obvious things, say your most important truth...
Writing Feedbackicemaster2340 - Mar 29, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 31, 2009
|"PGD method" - feetback on introduction of short academic essay
12 - "a morally problematic way of thinking that the Holocaust should have taught us to avoid." Avoid comparing things to...
Writing FeedbackTAMTAM - Mar 20, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 30, 2009
|Do circumstances determine whether or not we should tell the truth?
10 - Your second essay now stays on topic, and is much better. For the first essay, your proposed revision still...
Writing Feedbacktiantian12 - Mar 28, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 30, 2009
|If you cannot excel in a field, simply leave it for someone who can. Decisions
Writing FeedbackRosamond - Mar 26, 2009 / tasneemspring - Mar 30, 2009
|My narrative story on how bank of america charge off department closed down
3 - Some excellent advice from Mustafa. I would go even further, though, and say that you should add dialogue even...
Writing Feedbacksexyness1421 - Mar 29, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 30, 2009
|Management of Planning - Arthur Anderson (Enron case)
4 - If you have already done the research, you are halfway there already. Try to find connections between the pieces...
Writing Feedbackchampion510 - Mar 28, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 29, 2009
|IELTS Writing Task--Fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood
18 - It's a classic breakdown in an argument, out of viciousness and disrepute -- failing to stay on point as...
Writing Feedbackkirin - Mar 25, 2009 / Mustafa1991 - Mar 29, 2009
|If you can interview any living person, who would it be and why?
6 - Rich Monte) I appreciated your points ! I realized how important to distinguish the truth through television or...
Writing Feedbacksukjay - Mar 26, 2009 / sukjay - Mar 28, 2009
|Essay on The Cons of Social Text Messaging
Writing FeedbackNathan - Mar 27, 2009 / Nathan - Mar 28, 2009
|Essay on the Reformation in Europe - Feedback
2 - ...Along with it, the Protestant Reformation brought religious pluralism in Europe, attacking religious dogma which at that time dominated...
Writing FeedbackAMk - Mar 26, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 27, 2009
|Do images and impressions have too much of an effect on people?
5 - EV Kevin~thank you for your encouragement. I really appreciate your help. I will work harder to improve my writing!!^_^...
Writing Feedbacktiantian12 - Mar 26, 2009 / tiantian12 - Mar 27, 2009
|"Never too Buff"; two examples of thesis statments
18 - Now, reading with my defense down, I can take advantage of his point of view. Thanks again, Sean Oh...
Writing Feedbacklilmisha - Mar 21, 2009 / lilmisha - Mar 27, 2009
|My pet essay
Writing FeedbackU to the Woods - Mar 22, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 26, 2009
|One of Edison's invention - Does this article sound good in English?
Writing Feedbacktasneemspring - Mar 24, 2009 / Rosamond - Mar 26, 2009
|Proudest achievement of my life-linear generator buoy
3 - pretty impressive essay... specially ur ideas.. overall i don thin dis essay requires much of changes.. i agree wid...
Writing Feedbackabhishek - Mar 25, 2009 / savvy - Mar 26, 2009
|Home / Writing Feedback|