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Research advice on TOEFL, SAT, IELTS, GRE and other academic essays (page 473)

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TOEFL Essay - Parents are the best teachers (Devotion and penetration)

8 - You might want to "exhort" parents to spend more one-on-one time with their children. That is one way to...

Writing FeedbackMonkeyDDragon - Apr 14, 2009 / SairaTasartir - Apr 23, 2009
We can't negative wholly benefit from nuclear technology

5 - Of course, the mod's are spot on, but I'd like to add that while reading your essay, I was...

Writing Feedbacksecret1302 - Apr 14, 2009 / SairaTasartir - Apr 23, 2009
GED Practice essay: Do you think people learn from their mistakes?

7 - Your concluding paragraph could use some beefing up. And I think if you gave some examples of people learning...

Writing Feedbackspczmb - Apr 14, 2009 / SairaTasartir - Apr 23, 2009
Essay: Are exams necessary? Yes ... they are!

5 - It's a good idea to find a couple of examples where exams aren't used and compare them to examples...

Writing Feedbackyemenja - Apr 16, 2009 / SairaTasartir - Apr 23, 2009
English Comp. CLEP - "Discontent is vital to growth and development"

7 - Thanks for your help! LOL... seems to be a popular topic! (either that, or we are both studying from...

Writing FeedbackSairaTasartir - Apr 22, 2009 / SairaTasartir - Apr 23, 2009
'Some empires refused to learn from history' - English Comp. CLEP - practice essay

3 - In the first paragraph, you'll start out stronger if you write, "can be taken to mean" instead of: It...

Writing FeedbackSairaTasartir - Apr 22, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 23, 2009
Growing housing bubble ignored by ecomomists

3 - Why are we<<Avoid the use of editorial we, us, or our in academic writing when referring to general humanity....

Writing Feedbackmichaelfrye1970 - Apr 22, 2009 / twilocity - Apr 22, 2009
My father sacrificed alot in his lifetime ; Someone Who Has Influenced My Life

10 - Is this supposed to be a five paragraph essay, or a 4? For a standard, five paragraph essay, this...

Writing Feedbackcboggs0027 - Apr 3, 2009 / SairaTasartir - Apr 22, 2009
narrative essay- giving birth, its not graphic

2 - Hyphens: It was two-thirty in the afternoon on a gorgeous sunny, fall, Tuesday. My favorite day of the week....

Writing Feedbackpurfec8gel - Apr 21, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 22, 2009
What is the right stuff essay

5 - Instead of "arrogance," you could just say that they needed a robust ego, and let the reader decide for...

Writing Feedbackmichaelfrye1970 - Apr 18, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 21, 2009
The Concept of Courage as Illustrated by Different Characters

3 - According to Atticus Finch, an honest lawyer in Harper Lee's novel "To Kill a Mockingbird", teaching the children that...

Writing Feedbacktak7171 - Apr 20, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 21, 2009
Aphorism essay - "A Better Tomorrow"

5 - Thanks...

Writing FeedbackNinja Fox - Apr 14, 2009 / Ninja Fox - Apr 21, 2009
The Death Penalty is more costly than imprisoning someone for life

4 - Also, if you are going to make the case that the death penalty does not deter crime, you are...

Writing Feedbacktapsghost - Apr 20, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 21, 2009
Does Success Come from Luck or Work?

7 - You still need a clear thesis. You can side with hard work, or with luck, or you can argue...

Writing Feedbackadalumi - Apr 16, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 20, 2009
Career, exploration, travel, home - check these paragaphs

11 - Here is what to do: Read some articles and see what special ideas they contribute to the topic....

Writing FeedbackThuong - Apr 15, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 20, 2009
GED Practice essay: Do you think stronger laws should be enacted to...

4 - Thanks both of you for your input. I'm leaving for my exam as I type this. Wish me...

Writing Feedbackspczmb - Apr 19, 2009 / spczmb - Apr 20, 2009
Holocaust Essay (genocide subject)

5 - I'm not an expert just to let you know ahead of time but I am also taking an Ap...

Writing Feedbackahausermun - Apr 11, 2009 / Melanie Rose - Apr 20, 2009
Essay about war and religoion during 1990s in Europe-Balkan

4 - ...especially when war is going on toward you all around me . In Serbia, people who were living...

Writing Feedbackgacesaa - Apr 19, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 20, 2009
Art Paper - Elizabeth Murray

4 - Like Kevin said, I would strengthen the first paragraph. One way of doing that is by quoting Murray near...

Writing FeedbackLink42 - Apr 14, 2009 / silverystars - Apr 18, 2009
Suxanne - a story about one of my dreams

3 - Wow, your opening imagery is graphic and gripping. Great job. If you want to make your story even stronger,...

Writing Feedbacknizarnasir - Apr 14, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 18, 2009
"Is racism becoming an obstacle in today`s world?" - correct my essay

4 - In our diverse society, racism is facing proving to be one of humankind's major tensions in this day...

Writing Feedbackstudent001 - Apr 16, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 17, 2009
"King of the Jungle - story feedback

5 - thank you for looking over my short story...

Writing Feedbackmeshaal - Apr 14, 2009 / meshaal - Apr 16, 2009
500 word image essay (Black Hair Report)

4 - You seem to be on the right track. Now go into more detail. Why were they "jumping" through the...

Writing Feedbackteelyons - Apr 14, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 16, 2009
Early human development is strongly influenced by nature

2 - The first paragraph should have the thesis statement. You say that you will be talking about the impact of...

Writing FeedbackAlshebah - Apr 14, 2009 / Gautama - Apr 14, 2009
"the chase" story

4 - thank you guys, ur really helpful. but Sean can u suggest some better verbs. im really bad at this....

Writing Feedbacknewsha31 - Apr 13, 2009 / newsha31 - Apr 14, 2009
Essay to Compare and Contrast Two members of Your Family

5 - Ahhh!! That is harsh. Parents are people, too. How would you like to have your mom say she...

Writing FeedbackQueenie31 - Apr 13, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 14, 2009
Psychology Concepts applied to the real world

5 - ...taught them to sew their clothes... She stayed very close to her sister and brought her along so...

Writing Feedbackteelyons - Apr 13, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 14, 2009
"Who Swims with the Tuna" by Quammen and "Riches of the Sea" by Scully

3 - I think it was David Brin who first pointed out that environmentalists are always only really concerned with creatures...

Writing FeedbackCodyB - Apr 13, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 14, 2009
counselling essay

2 - I would often judge people on assumptions I had been brought up with. Since starting college, I have...

Writing Feedbackkazzy31 - Apr 12, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 13, 2009
Many people regret that they had not attended a university, but none regret that have a degree

4 - Hi adalumi, your topic and mine are the same thing :D essayforum.com/writing/university-career-preparation-self-6375/ I think your essay is...

Writing Feedbackadalumi - Apr 10, 2009 / MonkeyDDragon - Apr 13, 2009
Education Playground -- letters after your name

3 - I got confused when I read this. I realize now that you mean to say "a part of"...

Writing Feedbackzoomdots - Apr 11, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 12, 2009
IELTS ESSAY: lessons with teachers versus others sources

8 - oh,yes,sure it does. i appreciate your help!...

Writing Feedbackeffy_sun - Apr 8, 2009 / effy_sun - Apr 11, 2009
SAT essay: Are people's lives the result of the choices they make?

4 - Thanks ^ ^...

Writing Feedbackkitty Freud - Apr 9, 2009 / kitty Freud - Apr 10, 2009
TOEFL essay: movies - serious or amusing?

11 - If you like Blackadder, you should check out some of Atkinson's stand-up comedy. A few skits are "Mr Bean-ish,"...

Writing Feedbackeric_ly - Apr 8, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 10, 2009
Something That Changed Me - Becoming a Bully

13 - Yes, six! (Picture me with an amiable yet incredulous expression.) At least, that was my experience. I'm all...

Writing FeedbackANSH729 - Mar 27, 2009 / silverystars - Apr 10, 2009
The individuality, use of machines and traveling for pleasure - essay

7 - Yes, that's what I meant! :)...

Writing FeedbackChidem - Apr 5, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 10, 2009
Apprenticeship Program Aplication

5 - I have been searching for the right program, one that enables me to apply... Don't say 5....

Writing Feedbackangelfight - Apr 9, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 10, 2009
Economic paper: the role of opportunity cost in financial decision making

5 - Like Kevin, I can only guess at your meaning, as a result of unfamiliarity with the subject matter combined...

Writing FeedbackAbby002 - Apr 7, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 10, 2009
Advertisers, affecting our childs thought process

9 - Overall this is a really well constructed essay. I wonder, though, if you might make a bit stronger if...

Writing Feedbacklilmisha - Apr 3, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 10, 2009
Definition Essay: Building the Blocks, Becoming Successful (The Climb)

3 - "Success" is derived from the Latin word "successus"... You can follow Sean's advice by using a new topic...

Writing Feedbackbhoptl - Apr 8, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 9, 2009
Pushed to hard work-----a positive or negative development?

4 - Yes, as you refine the essay to cover the prompt perfectly, it will be good to add one more...

Writing Feedbackkirin - Apr 8, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 9, 2009
Political Allegory

3 - As you rework this essay, think about how you can move, as you progress from the introduction to the...

Writing Feedbackhannahkim91 - Apr 8, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 8, 2009
Hypocrisy in the Chrysalids

5 - Your are most welcome!...

Writing Feedbackmacawtopia - Apr 6, 2009 / Rosamond - Apr 8, 2009
It's with God's miracle that human miracles are innovate; Human Mind vs. the Computer

8 - I'm not getting angry. You asked me what grade I would give you, and why. I answered your...

Writing FeedbackRosamond - Apr 5, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 6, 2009
The higher goal the bigger efforts for it. (SAT Essay)

5 - About that thesis, I think you should move this sentence to the end o the first paragraph: People should...

Writing FeedbackGiovane - Apr 5, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 6, 2009
Essay on England's Right to Tax

7 - Hey, you are not being a bother. I did not see this in time to talk about it before...

Writing FeedbackReborn777 - Apr 5, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 6, 2009
Limiting the Use of Dispable Plastic Bags

5 - Chidem and HD, thanks for those great insights. It helps in more ways than you know; it helps me...

Writing Feedbacklenzo537 - Apr 5, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 6, 2009
qualities required for a happy marriage

3 - "Marriage is defined as a legal union of man and woman as a husband and wife to spend the...

Writing Feedbackkaynling - Apr 5, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 6, 2009
Some of my thoughts - an essay

8 - "some thoughts - an essay" This seems to be the crux of your problems. An essay is not usually...

Writing FeedbackRajiv - Aug 12, 2008 / EF_Sean - Apr 6, 2009
The Big Three, Japanese Archetypes

3 - Well, about the space limitation, remember: you could, if you had to, write this whole essay in a single...

Writing FeedbackFDeacon - Apr 4, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 5, 2009
Essay on Obama's Stimulus Plan

8 - Well, if you have to remain neutral, perhaps you could focus on the fact that it is controversial, turn...

Writing FeedbackFDeacon - Mar 31, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 4, 2009
My sculpture paper, Emile Antoine Bourdelle

6 - I agree with Kevin -- you have met the requirements and given a decent description of the artwork, but...

Writing FeedbackMoeMoe1 - Apr 1, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 4, 2009
Introduction essay for Death of a Salesman prompt- Critiques?

3 - You're on the right track. Willy is only truly happy when he is working with his hands. If he...

Writing Feedbackkeentimothy - Apr 2, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 4, 2009
"Important truths begin as.." (CLEP English Comp w/essay)

4 - Oh, that is an interesting point you made, about the difficulty of writing when you don't know much about...

Writing Feedbacknazgolg2000 - Apr 3, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 4, 2009
The mighty (movie) essay. Max's past.

5 - wow thanks u guys. im not THAT good. :P tnx again. :)...

Writing Feedbacknewsha31 - Apr 2, 2009 / newsha31 - Apr 4, 2009
Pledge of Allegiance, under God, separation of church/state, essay feedback

4 - Amazing, concerning Thoreau. I'll have to read "Civil Disobedience"!...

Writing Feedbackkauilani1 - Mar 31, 2009 / silverystars - Apr 3, 2009
Pan's Labyrinth vs. The Fountain essay

4 - I agree with the Eliot quote. Tennessee Williams said it best: "I give you truth in the pleasant disguise...

Writing Feedbackmwingboy - Mar 31, 2009 / silverystars - Apr 3, 2009
A good X ( Teacher, Roomate, Classmate, Friend, etc.)

3 - You really need to pick one X. (Teacher, Roommate, Classmate, Friend, etc.). Anything general enough to fit all of...

Writing FeedbackCS800 - Mar 31, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 1, 2009
The Ultimate Controversy: Argument Essay

19 - "Ultimately, Brandon McInerney and all juveniles who carry out premeditated and hate crimes must be tried as adults" I...

Writing Feedbackpanmit - Feb 25, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 1, 2009
Description Movie-Secret essay

2 - Jay lives with his father -- who is a Tamkang music teacher that wears glasses and a beard, and...

Writing Feedbacklilylee34 - Mar 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 1, 2009

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