Scholarship / Essay about how you can apply the knowledge once finish the education in the own country [2]

The discussion is totally off base. Remember that the prompt assumes you have already completed the course and you will now be applying what you have learned. So the prompt should be discussing your expectations for your career upon the completion of the course. Based on your understanding of the curriculum, which subjects will be the most beneficial to you upon your return to work? Why would these courses help you out? How will you apply it based on the requirements of your job? Talk about managed expectations and why these are important to you. Be specific, your discussion is too general in reference. Focus on the courses offered, training you might acquire, and how these relate to the problems you hope to resolve upon your return.

Scholarship / Korean broadcasting will change us for the better - KGSP Master 2021 Personal Statement [3]

This is a good draft. It is not yet a completed essay. You have amply described each member of your family, but not how your family dynamic has led to your personal qualities. The influence of your parents, or a parent in particular would help showcase the relationship you have with your parents, which is more important than the reference to your siblings, unless your siblings have influenced you in some way (Persons who have influenced you).

There is no clear motivation for your studies in Korea. How does Korean media influence this decision? What academic goals are you pursuing as a professional that would have influenced this decision? How would this interest apply itself to your career goals? Though there is no real research skills requirement in the prompt this year, it is still important that you highlight this as a skill you developed throughout college even if only for research, opinion papers, or self improvement.

It would be beneficial if you have a mentor to refer to in this essay since you will need to have that person write a recommendation letter for you down the line. As for your risks that you have taken, there is nothing remarkable about what you have presented. You are not the only applicant who had to attend high school away from your family. That is commonplace already. You need something more character building or skills development related that might catch the reviewer's attention.

The overall essay is weak and requires further development. My suggestions above would be a great place to start with making those improvements for your second draft.

Writing Feedback / Cheaper international travel and more countries welcome foreign visitors. Adv outweigh disadv? [3]


- This is your thesis statement. The discussion topics should have followed as 2 topic sentences, all as a part of the prompt restatement. That discussion outline will help your TA score as it shows the clarity of your opinion in a summarized manner.

The more appropriate format for this essay would have been:
Sentence 1: Perceived advantage
Sentence 2: Why it is an advantage
Sentence 3: Your disadvantage opinion
Sentence 4: Supporting example
Sentence 5: Additional disadvantage explanation based on the example

The outline above would have helped you better and more clearly represent the required discussion points. Only 2 discussion points would have sufficed for this presentation, if properly discussed in the reasoning paragraphs. The way that you did it, the presentation became over discussed but with less clarity in the presentation. Your second paragraph had the more appropriate discussion topics, had you only properly separated these into 2 paragraphs so that you could have had a better chance at clearly and properly explaining your subjects / opinions. Your third paragraph is totally under developed as you decided to just keep presenting reasons, but not explanations to help support these reasons. It doesn't manner how many reasons you have or know. What matters in the scoring is the clarity of your explanation based on well selected reasons.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - Family size essay [2]

Unfortunately, scoring is part of our premium services so I cannot score your essay. Any student who scores your essay will also find their accounts immediately suspended so don't even dare to ask students to score your essay or consider a possible score for your essay. Your account will get suspended also. The general review I will be giving you shall be sufficient for you to realize what potential score you might get in an actual test.

You should not use rhetorical questions in the prompt restatement. You are to restate the prompt using subjective topic presentations. These are the topic responses that you will be using int he 2 reasoning paragraphs. That means, you have to outline the discussion in the form of a thesis statement. Not a question, and not merely repeating what type of discussion you will be presenting. That does not give the examiner a proper overview of your English comprehension, vocabulary, and cohesion skills, which are part of the TA scoring consideration. Your restate is not effective and will not help increase your score overall.

This is a single opinion essay, not a comparative discussion. Either you think this is a good trend or not. Defend your opinion. In this case, you show that you actually do not have a clear opinion on the topic, since you decided to compare both options instead, that is another TA error on your part for which you will be losing scoring points. The presentation of your under developed personal opinion as a conclusion will further cause a problematic scoring consideration for your presentation. The concluding paragraph should be used to summarize the discussion. The opinion you have should have been made clear in the thesis sentence, then explained thoroughly in the reasoning paragraphs. These errors and problems shall pose a problem to your achieving a passing score in this test.

Writing Feedback / Should sharing knowledge about scientific research, business and the academic world be allowed? [2]

You have turned a 5 paragraph comparison essay into a 4 paragraph personal opinion essay. The format for your response is incorrect. You are to use 2 public comparison discussion paragraphs first, then present your personal opinion. While you did discuss both points of view, these were done using the personal opinion method. Since this is not an agree or disagree essay, you should not use that format for this presentation. Always review the prompt for discussion instructions. Don't just assume that it is a personal opinion and agree/disagree essay. Familiarize yourself with the various discussion requirements for the task 2 essays. There are several that you have to learn about. You have shown that you have a misunderstanding of the response format so you should focus on that problem before anything else. If you cannot discuss the essay in the correct format, then your overall score will definitely suffer.

Scholarship / Me helping people - Describe yourself in 285 words. [2]

The prompt is not about what interests you. It is about who you are. What are your personal traits and characteristics that you believe make you a unique person? Why should this of interest to the reviewer? Why do you think these traits will serve you well as a student? When you describe yourself, you can use something to represent you if you wish. Some people would say they have the tenacity of a Water Ox. Others, the compassion of Mother Theresa. Perhaps the diplomacy of Ghandi. Something of the sort. You could even say that you are a shark, or you are tenacious. Something that will help the reviewer understand your personality as it might apply to their college community or to your study interests. This is not really an appropriate response as it speaks not of your character but, of something of interest to you. You are interested in story telling. You want to be a storyteller. These do not really make you stand out as an applicant and says very little about your character.

Scholarship / GKS-G Scholarship Personal Statement: Marketing Major [2]

If the first paragraph is your motivational statement, then you need to work on it. The motivational statement should provide the reviewer with the compelling academic and professional reason for your interest in pursuing a masters course. The prompts are only guide questions, you can place the information in any portion that you like, provided it helps to create a smooth discussion presentation to the reviewer.

Try to develop the family discussion a bit more. Since these are the most influential people in your life, their influence should be presented in more than just a single sentence. Who are they? What sort of characteristics do they have? What did you inherit from each parent in terms of your personality, interests and aptitude for learning, and other similar considerations?

Though you are no longer required to discuss why you are motivated to study in Korea, a quick, single paragraph reference to that would help your application. More than that and the essay is delivering unnecessary information. So, you don't have much in terms of achievements and influential people? Try to come up with some references to those as these are specific parts of required information. Skills acquired are acceptable. the exchange in Montreal is notable.

Though you are not required to relate the discussion to your masters course, a reference to how your experiences helped develop your motivation to study the course would help. Right now, I am not sure what course you want to study, what motivated you to study it, and how the Korean study experience can help you become a better masters graduate. these are not very well discussed or presented in the overall essay. Your motivation discussion needs to represent the academic and professional goals, always remember that. It is not to be used as a portion that presents your ideologies or beliefs in life. Those are not relevant motivational information.

Letters / Motivation letter for a fast track MSc program in computer science for excellent undergrad students [2]

You still offer a note as to why you chose to take advantage of this program as an undergraduate at the university. The reference to the quality of education you will continue to receive, based on your exposure to the professor should be one of the motivating factors presented in the letter. Try to remove any generalized references to learning. That is because this is actually a short form masters program so you need a specific educational goal, research focus, and reason for opting to pursue this program at this point in your undergraduate career ( I am unsure if this is a program you can pursue simultaneously with your undergraduate studies, or if you have to graduate from college first , then pursue this study track.). It is a good letter but can use more explanations with regards to certain motivational points. Good luck with your application. I hope I understood your presentation properly and gave useful advice since this is the translated essay I am using to advise you.

Scholarship / Scholarship motivation letter for masters studies - how you can apply the knowledge and etc.. [3]

Be a little more specific in your response. What subjects will you be taking that will have a direct application to your situation Sudan? Such responses will help give clarity and urgency to the completion of these studies. Right now, you have summary responses, which do not really tell the reviewer much about how you plan to apply specific study points to your work in Sudan. Connect the work with the studies. That way the reviewer will be able to connect the dots and figure out exactly how and why you will be applying such studies in Sudan. Don't narrate the UN SDG's at the end either. The reviewer will not have the time to look up each reference number. Instead, be specific. Just mention the UN SDG program in general or as it applies to the plans for the development of Sudan.

Writing Feedback / Jonas Salk, the Man Who Saved the World with Vaccines [2]

Well, this is an interesting personal influence essay. Unfortunately, without knowing if this is in response to a prompt, and what that prompt is, I am unable to offer you any solid advice for improvement or correction. It is always best to include some sort of instructions with your post so that I will have a reference point for reviewing your work. That said though, the paper itself is strong and fully discussed the man. However, as an influential character in your life, I do not see how he is relevant in your development as a person, an improved mindset on your part, or, simply an influential figure that inspired you to do something with your life. Like I said, the essay is a good summary presentation of the life of Salk, but how it applies to you and in what context is what leaves me puzzled.

Scholarship / The Engineer I want to be. Committing to the global community Scholarship Essay [2]

Here is the thing, your essay shows you not as a community leader, but as a community follower in both instances. The first, was when your father led you to learn how to clean up your community. The second, did not even have a leader present so you just guessed what you had to do by yourself, for yourself, based on what was present at the center. Neither elements showed you are a leader. So you have not properly fulfilled the requirements for the first part of this presentation. There is no real leadership in terms of local community service on your part so it is impossible for you to use this a reference to you possibly becoming a global leader. While the last 2 paragraphs as applicable enough to the later requirements of the writing task, it is the all too important first part, that may disqualify your application.

Scholarship / [KGSP SCHOLARSHIP] GRADUATE PROGRAM - MASTER IN ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE - Personal Statement [3]

Kindly remove the highlights and bold presentations in your statement. That is considered highly rude of any applicant. This is a formal essay, there is no need to shout at the reviewer, which is what you are doing by highlighting these information without an actual need to do so. You call attention to your skills as the reviewer reads it, not because you are shouting at the reviewer.

Focus on your undergraduate studies for this discussion because you are applying to a masters course already. The high school interests and your juvenile realizations are out of place. These motivations need to be developed based on your future career plans, in reference to your current experience and achievements. By the way, you forgot to discuss your family background in a manner that shows you will be able to support your studies in Korea through their financial aid instead of you probably seeking employment in Korea. Additionally, your family influence on your career choice and plans are vital in this discussion. Showing that you family supports your plans are of the utmost importance to Koreans as it shows your family respects you and holds you in high regard.

Your relevant experiences sound more like it comes straight out of your resume than you actually wanting to explain why these accomplishments are of vital importance to you and of value to the reviewer. I am not clear on what actual accomplishments you have in this area because of the summarized discussion paragraph. Pick your actual highlights and discuss it in as much detail as possible for reference.

Scholarship / Business Development - YOUR PROPOSED COURSE AND INSTITUTION? (FOR AUSTRALIA AWARDS SCHOLARSHIP) [2]

You only responded to the course choice discussion. You did not indicate the university of choice and why you chose that university. The response should be divided into 3 parts. The basis of your course choice, which was covered in the first part, the course you chose and its application to your profession, delivered in the second part. The third part, that should have explained how you came to choose the university, based on these previous presentations, is sorely missing in the final part of the presentation. Have yo decided on a university to attend yet? Do some research into the university and how the program them offer directly relates to your interests, academic goals, and professional requirements. Those information will help you deliver the proper 400 word response for the consideration of the reviewer. You have some pretty good information presented here, it is just short in terms of discussion requirements based on the prompt provided.

Essays / You recently saw a photograph of an important school occasion - writing an informal letter [2]

The one thing you will not get from this forum, is someone who will write this letter for you. What you will get, it advice on how you can write the letter. It is simple enough. You need to be imaginative in this case. Write a short story in your head. For example, your father supposedly died when you were 8 years old. Your mother moved to a different place, where you grew up. Now 5 years later, you attended a birthday party of a classmate and saw a family picture that included your father, taken only recently. The worry, concern, and what should be done about it parts should become self explanatory from there. This is only a sample of a topic that can be used to write the letter. You can choose something else like attending a costume party and seeing a photo of Michael Jackson holding his baby over the balcony, among others. There are several ways you can write this letter. The focus just always has to be on danger or distress since it has to result in your being surprised or worried.

Undergraduate / BIOMEDICAL SCIENCES - University of Waterloo AIF [4]

There is a 900 character limit, you wrote 1652 characters. You will have to edit the content to meet the character requirement. Summarize your educational goals. You went overboard in that section. Your laser focus on your educational goals caused you to over represent your discussion reasons and in the process, write more than required in that section. You do not need to discuss what your post study plans are in this statement. You are only asked for your educational goals in relation to your chosen program. I believe that is the reason why you over represented. Removing all related discussions to your post study plan will lower the word count. Summarizing other aspects will also serve that purpose well.

Scholarship / "Success is not final; failure is not fatal" - being a great participant in the Global UGRAD program [2]

Without the reference to how you have actually served your community, which is what the prompt asked you write about, this essay does not work as a personal statement. You do not have any community interaction that would prove you to be an upcoming leader or at least a civic minded individual who prioritizes helping others regardless of oneself. Yes, the essay is heart warming and dramatic, but there is nothing in the reference to indicate you are a socially responsible person. You were always a bystander or, helping your mom, which is not the same as helping your community. The essay itself does not work. It doesn't have the proper information focus, regardless of the personal connection present in the writing. Unless you can prove that somehow, you helped your community during these times rather than being a bystander, then you have failed to write a convincing leadership essay.

Undergraduate / Interest in Engineering question for Waterloo [3]

You wrote a non-related response. Your current response is more applicable to the "Why have you chosen your course and Waterloo" prompt than the existing one. For this essay, the prompt is asking you to justify your preliminary training and exposure the field of computer programming. That means, you have to refer to any self-taught engineering theories and computer programming codes. List the types of exposure you have had either through competitions, collaboration with others during training programs and seminars you have attended or competitions you have joined, and the influence of Waterloo mentors and students (if any). You have no reference to any of these sections. You have failed to provide the information required by the reviewer for your qualification assessment based on the required data. Your application could, at this point, be removed from consideration since you do not have credentials to prove a true interest and basic foundation in your engineering and computer science interests, as required. This is all about preparation for higher studies, of which you seem to have had very little of during your high school years.

Scholarship / Statement of Purpose; Goal of Study & Study Plan Graduate : Art Management [6]

The goal of study will be your thesis proposal. How do you plan to spend your time researching a topic of particular importance to you and your career during your time as a student? What is the title of your research paper? Explain the meaning of the title. If it is based on a particular subject, what is the relevance of that subject to your future career? Why is it relevant that you do deep research into this aspect of your studies? As for the study plan, you need to show that you are familiar with the advancements of Korea in this field of study by mentioning how you plan to execute your research. Where will it be done? Why have you chosen to do research there? What aspect of the research will be completed there? What do you hope to learn from that technical exposure?

The presentation you currently have is improper and irrelevant to the requirement for this particular portion of the application. What the reviewer actually wants to see is how well you have researched the academic and technical advancements Korea has made in this field of study. This will show your tenacity as a student and your serious desire to complete your masters course in South Korea due to your familiarity with the field of study as Korea represents it.

Scholarship / Question 1 scholarship; Why Curtin? Because it is a university that specializes in mining [2]

Your employment background should be mentioned in some capacity as the basis of the reference point for your course choice. What is the goal? In both choices, you mention the application in the future but not why you decided that you have to enroll in these courses. The present reasons for the choice must be represented first since your future application will only find relevance once your present or past employment is better understood by the reviewer. By the way, in the first paragraph, you used the phrase "I took" meaning you have already completed the course. Surely that is not the case. Change the reference to "plan to take" instead. Since there is no reference to a third university choice, you should remove that reference.

Undergraduate / Application Form: Provide any additional information about your High School science and math [2]

The last sentence is irrelevant. What you should have done was used a few of the word count to describe what these competitions are and why it is important to your science and math background. You do not need to include a reference to talking to someone that failed to show an accomplishment on your part. You may also discuss how your school is (perhaps) STEM focused, allowing you pursue all fields of study in the field, which led to your focus on anatomy and physiology. It appears that you focus in the response is only science, you need to include a reference to math to meet all the prompt information requirements.

Writing Feedback / IELTS ESSAY TASK 2, it is about how human action can damage the environment. [4]

Your TA will fail in the preliminary scoring portion because you have not used the original topic presentation in your restatement. Your first 3 sentences change the focus of the discussion from the original, which is that human beings are the cause of extinction... Read your restatement and compare it to the original. You should see that the topics do not share any commonality whatsoever in the presentation. As such, your response has become unrelated to the original topic. More so, because you did not respond directly to the questions by presenting a proper thesis sentence and discussion subjects for your 2 reasoning paragraphs. This does not reflect effective English comprehension skills on your part. It shows that you have none.

You are over discussing this essay by not properly using one paragraph for problems and one for solutions. Your solution paragraph cannot be presented as the concluding paragraph because the essay requires a summary conclusion for its presentation. So you discussed the essay, stayed within the word count, but failed to properly utilize the discussion format as indicated.

Letters / Motivation Letter for Linnaeus scholarship Master program in Sustainable energy. [2]

I am not sure how relevant this writing is to the criteria set by the motivation letter writing guidelines. You forgot to upload that part of the instructions for me to use as a consideration for the content of your letter. If there was none, you should have said so as well. Your motivation letter is difficult to understand / comprehend for a native English speaker. That is because the grammar used seems to have been produced by an English translation software. It will be better if you work with a writing professional to develop your presentation in a proper manner. This motivation letter lacks clarity, content, motivation, and discussion focus. It cannot be fixed through simple content advice in the public section of this forum.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: TOPIC EDUCATION & - TYPE: DISCUSS BOTH THESE VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION. [4]

Do not misconstrue and misunderstand the original topic presentations. There is a clear and huge difference between an opinion based on what people "think", and what you deem to be an argument. In fact, the word meaning along for both words already show how your use of the English language has LR problems. Refer to the following:

Think - to have a conscious mind, to some extent of reasoning, remembering experiences, making rational decisions, etc. ; to employ one's mind rationally and objectively in evaluating or dealing with a given situation:

Argue - to present reasons for or against a thing: to contend in oral disagreement; dispute:

In the case of this discussion topic, there is no argument being presented since the discussion gives an opinion for both sides. Your job, as the writer, is to assess the reasoning presented, and develop an opinion of your own, based on the given opinions. This is not a debate presentation, which would fall more under the "argue" description. This is an opinion presentation using thoughts and logic, hence the use of the word "think".

Your discussion is presented in an improper manner. You are not representing an understanding of the public opinion for both points of view prior to your own. Therefore, the essay is only partially correct in response. You have to give the examiner an explanation of what you understand of the 2 public opinions first, then your personal opinion second. That means, you have to use 3 reasoning paragraphs. You failed to properly discuss the two points of view as presented in the original

presentation.

For ease of presentation, you may use the 2 reasoning format, since you may find that a simpler format to use:

Sentence 1: Topic sentence ( Public Opinion 1 or 2)
Sentence 2: Reason the public opinion
Sentence 3: Your opinion of the public opinion (supporting or contradicting opinion)
Sentence 4: Example to support your opinion
Sentence 5 Additional explanation based on the example or, presentation of a transition sentence into the next paragraph.

The concluding paragraph is also incorrect since you again, represent only 1 of the 2 points of view prior to your personal opinion. This is not a complete summary of the discussion and, you used a run-on presentation rather than properly formatted 3-5 sentence summary format. This is in effect, a not so well developed and formatted essay. Since this is your first try, you have room for improvement. Just remember the observations and instructions I am leaving you with in this thread for your future reference.

Letters / Erasmus mundus scholarship motivation letter (Emotion) [2]

It would be beneficial if you show your academic progression in this field. Indicate a summary of your related undergraduate course, any awards or honors received both during your undergraduate and first masters course completion. This will help to show a thorough picture of how your interest in this field developed. You have a strong and relevant experience in this sector. However, there is a lack of clear explanation as to why you thought:


After that indicative statement, you should have discussed how this course will be relevant to your future career. based upon how your career perspectives will improve after its completion. Your reference to this aspects is so vague, it is non-existent. Your last line is unnecessary. This letter should have already proven that you are an ideal candidate for the program. There is no need to reiterate it because, if you failed to accomplish that with this letter, then you have lost your chance to do so with finality.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task - study the science of food - requirement of advice [4]

The alternative words for "think" are: assume, consider, feel, deem, presume, suppose or surmise. Do not automatically go for inapplicable and irrelevant alternative words such as "argue" when no such reference is made in the original prompt. Always use the proper synonym, to help your LR score. The words "argue, assert, insist, and, counter arguments", change the discussion slant of the original prompt from intellectual, to angry when there is no need to do so. Proper alternative word usage will help show that you have a good understanding of the English language and its accompanying word meanings, directly affecting your LR and GRA scores.

There is a lack of proper discussion development for each public opinion presented. I do not see any public opinion explanation, and your opinion of such, prior to the presentation fo your personal opinion. The lack of proper public reasoning reference, as indicated in the original prompt make this essay tangential in response. Only partial public opinion explanations are raised, creating a problem in your TA score.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2: Each year, a number of languages fade into extinction [4]

Your restatement is incomplete. You do not have a reference to how fewer languages will make life easier globally. You only say that it brings ease to life. So there is a missing reference point from the original. You have a solid thesis statement presentation though so that will help pull up the TA score. You should however, make sure to represent all discussion points, keywords, and data in your restatements. Do not miss out on a single restatement presentation because your preliminary TA score will depend on it.

Consider your discussion in terms of language history, you claim that if a language is wiped out, so will its knowledge and history. However, most of these are being translated to English, French, Spanish, and other languages these days. So does the culture really die? Or does it just change languages? Consider the opposition to your opinion when writing and try to defend against such counter arguments, just to prove your opinion is truly the correct and valid one. It will add to the clarity, coherence, and cohesiveness of your discussion paragraphs. It would be better if you learn to outline your discussions first, pick the simplest opinions that will not require too much of a defense or discussion so that you do not have to overthink your presentation.

Your first opinion is a bit distracting and wide in discussion scope. Try to avoid such presentations. Your second discussion topic deviated from the original discussion because you suddenly shifted to "language barrier is an admittedly major obstacle". Language barrier is not the topic here, it is the extinction of native tongues. So this is more of a prompt deviation. However, the last sentence, could have been a more appropriate discussion topic as it refers to fewer languages and how it applies to the relationship, learning, and knowledge of people.

Writing Feedback / Some believe that computers are the most valuable invention in the late 20th and early 21st century [2]

You absolutely agree with the statement without giving a thesis statement to support your point of view. That makes your presentation incomplete. There is no standard for your opinion as it is presented. It does not reference the discussion topics that will be presented to expand on your point of view. This is only a 4 paragraph essay. Do not over discuss it. It is not a comparison essay with a personal opinion. It is just a personal opinion statement. So, it is first person pronoun all the way.

You are overusing logic in your presentation. Learn to present clear and effective opinions using only 2 solid discussion points. You could have omitted that redundant presentation within the first 2 reasoning paragraphs. You only have to explain once. You do not need to overemphasize your reasoning for the same topic in 2 paragraphs. Each paragraph needs to have a different discussion focus.

Undergraduate / Application for the math program of the university of Waterloo - AIF form essay [7]

You do not have any real academic goals presented that actually relate to Waterloo. What is more evident in your essay is that you want to attend Waterloo to be able to work in the country, on a student visa. Which is definitely a purpose that will get you eliminated from consideration. Employment must never be mentioned as a reason for choosing a university. You have not shown any familiarity with the Math program at Waterloo. You have not connected the Math related facilities of the university with your career goals. You have not mentioned anything of value in this essay that would make you a qualified candidate for the program.

Undergraduate / Becoming a doctor while my trans girlfriend becomes a woman - transfer essay [2]

You covered most of the required elements in this discussion. While it is all compelling and up to date in terms of cultural understanding, the one thing missing from the presentation is your academic history. Where are the references to your academic accomplishments aside from simple references to class you took and classes of interest to you? Why should you be considered academically compatible with the university aside from having your girlfriend attending there? While the essay is acceptable. It is weak due to the incomplete reference to your academic history. It would be better if you eliminate or summarize the reference to your time in the hospital, so that you will have enough word allotment to discuss your academic history in terms of grades and academic achievements. Summarize your hospital reference instead to reflect your interest in becoming a doctor. Your title is definitely eye catching, but you won't get considered for admission on the basis of your title and your girlfriends journey, even if it relates to your own journey as a bisexual woman, alone. You need to show your academic fitness, not just interest in the presentation.

Writing Feedback / Students Working Part-time - IELTS Writing Task 2 [5]

A proper restatement includes at least one discussion topic presentation in relation to the given question. In this instance, 2 subjects, presented individually would have helped you get a better TA score. Simply saying that you will discuss things below does not tell the examiner anything about how well you understood the topic, and how relevant your opinion is, based on your reasoning subjects. If you want to get an assured passing score, you need to deliver a complete restatement and show that you understood how and why the topic must be discussed.

Your conclusion is less than the 40 word format for the summary conclusion. You have really concluded the essay with a complete recap of the topic, your reasons, and your opinion. This part should be at least 3 sentences long. Definitely far more words are required to complete this presentation than what you have at the moment.

Writing Feedback / ENVIRONMENTAL PROBLEMS - rising sea levels and excessive use of plastic bags [2]

Oops! You did not only use memorized phrases in your presentation, you totally altered the discussion topic as well. Which means, you did not follow the instructions for the subject presentation. You showed a clear lack of English comprehension skills and will therefore, fail the overall test. The error is clearly seen below:

Original Instruction: Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Your Action: This essay will discuss why the other affairs including rising sea levels and excessive use of plastic bags is worth dealing with.

Clearly, the error is self explanatory. You were instructed to use a comparison + personal opinion discussion format, you opted to use a single opinion response that is totally unrelated to the given topic. So, you can understand why you cannot receive a passing score for this presentation. Your TA score will already be failing at the very start due to the unrelated response and overall presentation.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Do you believe that professional athletes make good role model for young people? [4]

The first 3 sentences of the restatement paragraph are only filler sentences that do not relate to the actual topic. You need to use sentences that will actually help focus the reader on the target discussion. That is, whether or not athletes are good role models. Something along the lines of:

Athletes are considered by most young people as their role models. Young men and women tend to follow the actions of their sports idols with much eagerness, often patterning their lives after that of exemplary sportsperson. The way I see it, good or bad, sports icons remain examples for their fans. As a cautionary tale, the young adults their errors serve as a good life lesson for their fans. As a positive role model, the young people will know how to properly live their lives based on the actions of the athletes.

This is not a comparison essay. The original prompt asks you to choose which opinion regarding athletes you feel is correct, giving you the option to discuss and support your opinion within 2 clear reasoning paragraphs. Both paragraphs need to clearly explain a reason why you believe they are positive role models, or negative, depending upon your opinion.

Do not use a comparison discussion in a single opinion essay. You will be scored down in the TA section due to a lack of clear opinion.

Scholarship / The Trip - Global UGRAD Program application essay - Why Participate? [2]

This is not really a leadership experience within a community. There is a lack of physical interaction on a real time social basis because your way of helping the community was through a website. You also, only reflected being able to help one person rather than promote an effective change or improvement within a community setting. Read the prompt requirements again. Focus on the keywords "young leaders" and "serving their home communities". You cannot serve your home community through this website alone. It is too centralized in focus and does not truly help to improve the life of the other community members. This is more of a social club reference in virtual form. It does not fully suit the discussion requirements of the prompt. You have to be able to show leadership skills on a community wide scale. Change for the betterment of a community, not helping someone do research.

Your graduation plans are not important in this presentation because that does not help to create your image as a leader so you are over reaching at that point. It is not about what you will do after the trip either. It is all about what qualifies you for the program now. As a leader in your community, what have you done to help others in a meaningful, non-academic way?

Writing Feedback / Forms of teaching - school should choose students according to their academic abilities [2]

This is a compare and contrast essay with a personal opinion presentation. You have not followed the required discussion format for this presentation. There needs to be a threshed out discussion of each public opinion. An explanation as to why the public sectors believe that each opinion is the correct action to take with regards to classroom education. You do not need to agree or disagree with every public opinion, but, you must make sure that the reasons for the development of the opinion is clearly presented to the reader, before you create and present your own opinion. You did not effectively utilize the discussion format in this essay. It is barely explaining the public points of view and more heavily focused on your personal opinion. Remember, this is not a solely personal opinion essay. There are public opinions involved, therefore, you must use third person point of view reference points in the essay, as well as the personal reference point.

Scholarship / Why would you be a great participant in the Global UGRAD program? Powerful vision and effort. [2]

The scholarship program always bases its first consideration of the applicant based on his community leadership skills and abilities. How have you looked into resolving these problems in your own? What steps have you taken as a civic minded leader to help lessen the impact of the problem on your community? What effects have these changes had on your community? How has this experience built your leadership style and skills? Why do you believe that these experiences qualify you as a candidate for the scholarship? Based on these guidelines, you can see why the reference to Elon Musk at the start of the essay is unimportant to the presentation. For more effective reference points, delete all reference to Elon Musk and the quote from Savage. Rather, discuss, on a personal basis, why this problem had a direct effect on you that motivated you to effect whatever change you could. Then go directly to the establishment of the Edu-Tech platform as that establishes your vision for your country's educational system and your leadership qualities as it relates to your topic of interest.

Undergraduate / The programming process - Q1 Waterloo AIF - "Why I applied to Waterloo Software Eng and Comp Sci" [2]

Since this is a character limited essay, you should not use irrelevant opening sentences such as the one you presented in this essay. You have to make every character count towards informing the reviewer about the purpose of your application, based on the required guidelines. The statement becomes stronger when you start with the purpose of your interest in studying at Waterloo instead. The presentation itself contains relevant information. It informs the reviewer about the purpose of your studies based on known contributions the university makes to their student's learning process. However, the Concept Incubator section is too short. There needs to be additional information presented in that section, which will make clear to the reviewer how you plan to use the program and why it is a special reason for your interest in the university. All the other sections you presented are developed clearly and presented in a manner that moves your presentation forward. The last sentence does not feel fully explained. by removing the unnecessary sentence at the start, you will gain characters to help you achieve a better explanation of that section.

Writing Feedback / [Writing task 1] - Household income and spending on food and clothes in UK [5]

You cannot start a sentence with a conjunction. That means, starting the second sentence in the summary paragraph with the said word will result in a GRA deduction for you. Conjunctions are used to connect ideas in a sentence. Kindly review the rules of conjunction usage before you start your next practice test. There is no clear trending statement being presented in any part of your essay. Since the trending statement is a required part of this type of presentation, you should make sure that it is easily identifiable and placed in a prominent part of the presentation, usually as a part of the summary overview.

Your paragraphs are informative. However, the sentences are difficult to follow. This will affect your GRA score due to the stress that reading your sentences produces. The way to avoid that is simple. Cut the sentences short. Follow the appropriate simple and complex presentation rules per paragraph. Just because you combine ideas in a presentation, and you write extremely long sentences, does not mean that you are properly applying the English writing rules. In fact, you are in non-compliance with the rules because of the run-on presentation of your paragraphs. That means, you will receive additional deductions in the GRA and C&C sections. You must focus on the clarity of the information provided. You do that by separating the idea presentations as required.

Writing Feedback / IELTS ESSAY TASK 2: Young people in the modern world seem to have more power [2]

The original presentation uses the word "seem", which means that the claim is questionable. Therefore, you should not be making the restatement as a fact. Always follow the format of the original presentation which, in this case, is a question rather than a factual opinion. You are in effect, offering an opinion where none is asked for and creating a different slant for the topic presentation in the process. That will affect your TA score in terms of prompt restatement accuracy. Your failure to respond directly to the prompt questions created a different discussion slant in the presentation. This means your restatement is not related to the question being asked. There are 2 questions, neither of which you properly outlined a response to. Therefore, your TA score will not achieve the passing mark for the preliminary scoring consideration.

The reference to "ancient times" is improper in this case. We are only talking of the 20th century, which was only 21 years ago, definitely not "ancient" in "time" consideration. Choose your words carefully. Remember that word accuracy counts towards your LR, GRA, and C&C scores. Just because it sounds appropriate does not mean the word is used in the proper context. Improper word usage affects the clarity and appropriateness of your presentation.

The last part of the essay, the impact on the relationship is not responded to in the proper manner in this essay You have mentioned the discussion point as the conclusion of the essay. The presentation should have been as the 2nd to the last paragraph of the essay. This is a 4 paragraph essay as required, but your presentation does not offer the summary of discussion in the last paragraph as expected. So the essay cannot be considered to have been presented in the proper format. Next time use the last paragraph as the summary presentation. That is standard for all the Task 2 essay presentations, regardless of whether it is a 4 or 5 paragraph discussion presentation.

Essays / Psychology Argumentative essay about anxiety disorder [2]

You should start by doing your homework. Find out the meaning of anxiety disorder. While you read the reference materials in relation to it, you will be introduced to sub-topics that you should take note of. These sub-topics may be used to create your listing of possible anxiety disorder argumentative essay discussion topics. Pick the one that interests you the most. Then look into the topic further. That means, look into the various points of view and understanding of the illness.

The more you research, the more discussion sides will be presented to you. Based on these varying points of view, you should be able to come up with the thesis statement and "argumentative" side of the discussion. These instructions, should you follow it properly, can easily help you get started with your research for the argumentative essay. Good luck with your research.

Graduate / Master's Programme in Mechanical Engineering with Automotive Engineering specialization [2]

The motivation for choosing the university is too superficial. It is based on commonly known information and what you expect to learn. It does not relate to what your professional motivation is and how these courses will help you become a better automotive mechanic in the future. As far as your motivation is concerned, the desire to learn must be equivalent to a desire to grow professionally. So, what is your professional motivation for taking these courses? What is it about Mechanical Engineering that you hope to improve, or what is the specific problem you hope to address, after having received advanced training?

Sure you know the importance of these courses to mechanical engineering, but what is so special about automotive engineering in particular, that you feel this course will help you address? What more do you want to learn about automotive engineering and why? Additionally, will the courses offered by university help you gain information about these interests of yours?

Balance the discussion. You have a good start at the moment. You need to add information and edit the presentation to make it more interesting. Right now, it is one dimensional and lacking in a professional motivation , in relation to your academic interests.