Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 WRITING: WORLD'S WATER AND USE OF WATER FOR ECONOMIC SECTORS [3]

There are 3 different charts provided. You cannot identify these collectively as mere charts. Identify the types of charts. This will show your information accuracy in your report. The report comes from 2 pie charts and one column bar chart. These identifiers will show your familiarity with the Task 1 discussion requirements. Do not capitalize words that do not represent nouns. "World's Water" does not need to be capitalized. Work on providing a longer discussion by using sentence dividers. Aim to use 3-5 sentences per paragraph so that you can meet the proper paragraph sentence structure presentation format. The essay needs to be more balanced in terms of presenting complex and simple sentences. As of now, you can still improve on your presentation. Your work on presenting the information is good, but needs to be properly divided into individual sentences instead of long sentences as currently presented.

Writing Feedback / Some people think that schools should choose students according to their academic abilities [2]

Your discussion is not properly developed. That is because you are not dividing the discussion paragraphs based on the 3 sets of information discussion that you should be presenting. You need to take note of the discussion requirements within the original prompt and present each topic as an individualized discussion paragraph in the essay. That means, for this essay your reasoning paragraph should explain, from the public point of view, as indicated in the original prompt:

Reasoning Paragraph 1: schools should contain mixed ability classes
Reasoning Paragraph 2: students are better off being selected due to their academic capacities
Reasoning Paragraph 3: Personal opinion

You are not advised to indicate a personal opinion within the opening paraphrase as you will not have met the comparative discussion requirements of this essay at that point. The personal opinion should indicate that you considered the good and bad points of each public point of view before you came to a personal opinion or conclusion regarding the discussion. Develop the personal opinion as a full single, stand alone paragraph. Make sure that you fully develop the discussion separately from the other 2 stand alone paragraphs so that your essay can be seen by the examiner to be fully developed and scored accordingly.

Writing Feedback / Traditional music is essential, regardless of the wide acceptance of international music [2]

Your prompt paraphrase needs to outline your discussion points for the 2 reasoning paragraphs. This will help the examiner assess if you have a clear opinion in relation to the given discussion questions or not. It is imperative that you give the topics you will be discussing because you are being scored on the clarity of your opinion, based on your discussion outline. Do not give general reference responses as it does not help to assess your English comprehension skills in this test.

Since the essay topics require information from your personal knowledge, experience, interest, and publicly known information, it would be better if you avoid making references to "research shows" and instead mention "publicly known information indicates..." That way you meet the discussion requirement without making reference to "research".

There is no reference to the rise of the importance of traditional music in the original prompt. So this is not an accurate representation of that discussion portion. Rather, you should be indicating that there have been comparisons between the importance of international and traditional music. That way you could have done a clear comparison discussion between the two in the same paragraph. Your current discussion of the comparison appears to be under developed as you spent more time discussing traditional than international music. Try to deliver a balanced discussion next time.

Writing Feedback / Influence of human beings on the world's ecosystem is leading to the extinction of species and loss. [3]

You have presented an under developed essay discussion in reference to the discussion prompt. Having written only 213 out of the required minimum of 250 words indicates that you have not spent enough time developing your reasoning and solution discussion. Having read your full essay, the examiner will definitely judge the essay has not being full explained using appropriate reasons, examples, and other public information. An under developed essay, in terms of word count, will have a difficult time achieving the passing band score. You might achieve a passing band score with a complete 250 word presentation but not this one. The missing words will result in percentage deductions, with the errors in grammar and vocabulary forcing additional deductions.

You have some pretty good reasoning paragraphs. You just need to learn to develop these presentations completely within the 5 maximum sentence mark. Using 5 sentences normally results in a fully developed paragraph presentation and, allows the examiner to fully judge your writing skills based on the scoring criteria. As of now, your essay isn't doing well based on the scoring considerations.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 - The graph shows predictions about the number of people who will study 3 languages [2]

You need to ensure that you do not write more than 190 words for the task 1 essay. You have written 217 words, which is within the Task 2 time writing range already. You should not take more than 20 minutes to write this essay because of the 150-190 word limit. You do not need to over write in this essay. It is just a direct report based on the visual information from the image. That does not take more than 190 words. Leave time for editing and polishing the content of the report. That is what you should be focused on.

What are the 3 major languages indicated in the graph? Indicate that as a part of the summary overview. Additionally, you need to be extremely accurate in your image description. This is a line graph. There are several types of graphs so you should be specific about which type of image you are describing to the reader. Each paragraph will be scored on the GRA indicators so do your best to write without run-on sentences. Use a mix of simple and complex sentences, avoiding run-ons. All your paragraphs need 3-5 description sentences. Use as many punctuation marks as you can, not just commas. Use semi-colons, parenthesis, percentage marks, and other punctuation marks as applicable to your report.

In the last paragraph, when you say "similar to Mandarin". Use an identifying reference in the next sentence ( The figure for mandarin indicates that will reach...) for clarity purposes. As long as you have at least 2 sentences establishing the reference point for the other language, you can skip constantly repeating the same language reference throughout the rest of the paragraph.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK2: Nowadays, adolescents and adults constitute a vast majority of some nation's population [5]

You weakened your discussion by providing a comparative essay instead of strongly discussing the reasons supporting your opinion. As a single opinion essay, you must ensure that your 2 reasoning paragraphs are used to drive home the strength of your point of view. Use one paragraph for your reasoning presentation and the next paragraph can be a fully developed example explanation. That is how how give a strong discussion foundation to your reasoning discussion.

One of the main scoring points is the clarity of your opinion from the very start. That means, you have to indicate your direct response to the question within the prompt paraphrase. So,. rather than the non-response that you provided, you have to make it clear from the start that you have a point of view that will be discussed in the essay. Be specific. Otherwise, you will be scored down for not having a clear opinion from the very start.

Writing Feedback / The diversity in perception and individual's greed has resulted in biased news broadcasted in public [4]

Please take note of the number of questions being asked in the original prompt. There are 3 questions:
- What factors do you think influence these decisions?
- Do we become used to bad news?
- Would it be better if more good news was reported?

The number of reasoning paragraphs are based on the number of direct questions that you have to respond to. So the questions provided changed the format of the essay from the standard 4 paragraph essay to the more complex 5 paragraph essay. Each of the questions need to have its own response paragraph so that you can provide a complete and fully developed response for each question.

You should also remember to always outline your responses within the last 3 or 2 sentences of the prompt restatement. That way you give a direct response that helps show how accurate your response to the task will be. Make sure it has 3-5 sentences for maximum scoring potential. Avoid using run-on sentences or presenting a sentence separated only by a comma or several commas. You score better when you show individualized sentences of the complex or simple kind throughout the essay, specially in the paraphrase and concluding summary sections.

Work on better developing the connection between your 2 topic sentences per paragraph. Show a direct relationship between the 2 subjects and use relevant examples and connected explanations. That will help add coherence and clarity to your paragraph. Right now, the paragraphs are not fully explained nor developed. The explanations are too short and lacking in a related example, one that reflects the reasons you present within the description of your example.

Graduate / Both wearing fashionably and quality of work are critical and prominent to success in the work [2]

Ok. For this 2 point of view with personal opinion discussion, you need to follow a specific format. If you can, try to follow this suggestion so that you can keep your 4 paragraph format since it appears you are more comfortable with this writing style.

For every reasoning paragraph, in this instance, you are using 2 paragraphs, the content should be as follows:

Sentence 1. Public point of view
Sentence 2: Refer to group discussion reasons (They, them, their) in the explanation that supports this topic
Sentence 3: Offer a counter argument based on a first person point of view (Me, myself, I)
Sentence 4: Give an example that proves your point
Sentence 5: Reiterate the truth of your claim

Using the above format not only helps you create more cohesive and coherent presentations, but it also allows you to score better overall. Such a presentation allows you to fully utilize your LR, GRA, and C&C skills in a manner that is perceived as advanced and impressive by the examiner.

Remember conjunction words like "But" and "Because" should not be used to start sentences since these are used to group words in reference to a thought. Also, use the 3 - 5 sentence presentation for the conclusion so that your presentation is a full recap of the previous discussion.

Writing Feedback / An inborn talent can define kids performance in a particular field. Is it true? [2]

Your prompt restatement should indicate each point of view as an individual sentence. That will help you show your range of grammar skills and also, help you meet the 3-5 sentence requirement. You created a run-on sentence in your first sentence as you only used commas in that presentation. The constant use of commas does not create a mix of simple and complex sentences. You need to use various sentence formats and punctuation marks to achieve that.

Rather than saying "on the one hand" and "on the other hand", you should be stating the point of view from a public perspective instead. For GRA scoring purposes. The way you have your essay presented now, you are discussing only personal angles, with references to the public instead of representing the public point of view in the paragraph. You have to represent first then present your opinion.

Avoid using conjunctions like "because" at the start of a sentence. It is not grouping or connecting words or phrases at the start of a sentence so that misuse of words will lower your GRA and LR score.

Writing Feedback / Task about the 4 main functions Vietnamese people used with mobile phone in three years [2]

Your paragraphs all do not contain the minimum to maximum sentence requirement of 3-5 sentences. These have resulted in run-on sentence presentations which will definitely give you a failing GRA score. You do not display enough knowledge of complex and simple sentence usage in your presentation. So you will be deemed to have limited English writing skills and an inability to properly analyze and discuss given data in relation to a summary report.

You must learn to present 3 complete paragraphs composed of the summary overview, comparison discussion, and other information presentation. Those are the information that will comprise your 3 paragraph presentation. Your summary overview should indicate the type of image, years included, and information presented. You do not really have a proper trending statement in the presentation either.

We have more than enough Task 1 sample essays for you to use in your review. Try to read as many samples as you can from our forum so that you can learn how various Task 1 presentations should be properly approached. It will also help if you learn from the mistakes of others. That way you become a better writer sooner rather than later.

Writing Feedback / Children targeted marketing can have several disadvantages, but it should't be completely banned [2]

Your essay suffers from a lack of clarity in the presentation. Your discussions tend to be composed of incomplete sentences that lack subjects and proper references that would have helped you present clear and complete thought processes in the presentation. Your reasoning is also flawed as you used a comparative discussion for a single opinion essay.

The first paragraph is related to the discussion but severely lacks in cohesiveness and coherence. You need to do more sentence development exercises. At this point, you cannot even construct a proper simple sentence. That will adversely affect your GRA score in an actual test. Improve that ability before you try to write another essay.

Your second paragraph diverges from the discussion of the effect of advertising on children to focus on the problems the lack of advertising will create. That is a topic that is unrelated to the original discussion. The focus should remain on the effect of advertising on children, not the effect of lack of advertising for children on the industry. You changed the discussion target. This means, your essay is not really responding to the prompt discussion. Expect additional points deductions for that problem as well. Added up, the grammar problems, lack of clarity in the discussion, and improperly formatted responses will result in a failing essay for you.

Undergraduate / Fashion Business Management - FIT NYC FBM MAJOR UNDERGRADUATE [2]

I am not sure how you will take my review of your essay but I have to tell you the truth. Not all of your paragraphs can be used for this response essay. The last paragraph works well as an introduction. The paragraph previous to that one, holds a good foundation in response to why you are a perfect candidate for FIT. You just have to expand and build on the participation at various organizations as you mentioned in that paragraph. Maybe limit it to the most notable and fashion related ones since that is the major focus of the school. Making those activities more appreciated by the reviewer. The third paragraph also needs to be better developed and presented as a response to the "why this major" question in the prompt. It is too shallow an explanation. Try to give it more depth and substances. Focus on the reasons why you chose fashion business management. relate it to your participation with the LAGirl Style and encounters with the CEO. These adjustments should help your essay become more focused and of interest to the reviewer.

Writing Feedback / There has been a growing concern for lacking basic interactive skills among new graduated employees [3]

There is a 290 word limit on the writing of this essay. I will grant that 250 is the minimum and there is no actual word limit indication for the exam, experienced examiners have noted that students, who wish to meet the full writing requirements for the task 2 essay do so when writing within 275-290 words. This is the count that allows you to not over discuss your presentation, stay within the 5 sentence requirement, and offer a clear explanation within your essay.

Your presentations are too over written. The Task 2 essay needs you to present the discussions in a direct manner. That means, the first sentence of each reasoning paragraph needs to be a topic sentence. You do not need to use an introduction for every paragraph. You just need the topic sentence and a transition sentence as the 3rd presentation in the paragraph to connect your first and second reasons or solutions. Using numerical ordinals will not help your GRA score. The use of transition sentences are the most helpful when it comes to increasing your GRA score. That is because it shows that you have the ability to use connecting sentences in a manner that further heightens your writing skills in the eyes of the reader. The paragraphs do not need more than 5 sentences to accomplish that task within any given topic.

Writing Feedback / The map shows the village of Stokeford in 1930 and in 2010-IELTS TASK1 (Academic) Map [5]

You launched into an immediate discussion of the comparison points of the image. You totally failed to comply with the summary overview and trending statement requirement of this essay. Your report is going to be considered incomplete in terms of information presentation as the run-down of important information in relation to the trend of the development is missing. That is the 1st paragraph of the Task 1 essay and, that paragraph also carries a very high scoring consideration, so you should not miss out on presenting that information for any reason. So your essay, though complete in information presentation, is lacking an all too important paragraph. You could have completed this essay in 3 paragraphs just the same, if you had only delivered the summary overview first and then combined the remainder of the information within 2 comparison paragraphs. I am not saying your presentation is wrong, what I am saying, is that there would have been a better way to deliver the information. A delivery that would have allowed you to get a better overall score for this presentation.

Writing Feedback / Ielts task2 - Some people believe that teenagers should focus on all school subjects [2]

You have a formatting error in this essay. You accidentally turned it into a single opinion essay when the requirement was a comparative essay with a personal opinion paragraph. The format, if you want to stick to the 4 paragraph presentation would have been:

Par. 1: Paraphrase + Instruction restatement
Par. 2: First reasoning topic + public opinion explanation + personal opinion + supporting sentence for personal opinion
Par. 3: Second reasoning topic + public opinion reference + personal opinion + example supporting the personal opinion
Par. 4: Summary recap

It is important that you refer to gender free pronouns in the public opinion discussions to clarify that your opinion has not been stated yet. Then use first person pronouns to assist you in your personal opinion. That way the separate of discussion presentations becomes clear, even if you are using a 4 paragraph format instead of the normal 5 paragraph format which is presented as:

Par. 1: Prompt restatement
Par. 2 : 1st public point of view discussion (gender free pronouns used)
Par. 3: 2nd public opinion explanation (gender free pronouns used)
Par. 4: Personal opinion supporting one of the discussion points (1st person pronoun usage)
Par. 5: Summary recap.

Either format will work for this essay. I would suggest though that you use the 5 paragraph format for now. Just until you get used to discussing the topic properly. When you are confident enough, you can use the 4 paragraph format already.

Writing Feedback / TASK 1 - the variances in terms of four online sales sectors in Canada in two years 2005 and 2010 [3]

Essay ratings are not part of our free review service. You may request for a private essay review (email details in the homepage) or, make this essay URGENT to get a more advanced review of your work.

(WARNING! STUDENT SCORING = ACCOUNT SUSPENSION !!!)

Your essay is not properly formatted. The task 1 essay requires a 3 paragraph format composed of:
Par. 1: Summary overview + trending statement
Par. 2: Comparative information Set 1
Par. 3: Comparative information Set 2

You should have better formatted the essay to allow the reader to have an easier time reading, reviewing, and remembering your essay content. There is no clear summary overview that gives the details of the content for the report. The content would include not only the topic and the inclusive years but also the list of retail sections, the type of measurement, and a specific image identification reference (2 pie charts not just charts).

The trending statement should be a part of the summary overview to help with the clarity of your short reference. It must be sentence 3 of the summary overview because each paragraph has a minimum 3 sentence requirement, no more than 5. Have uniformity in your information presentation. Do not use a mix of fractions and percentages. It is not going to be easy for your reader to see the comparison of data when you use 2 different measurement manners. This will affect the the accurateness of your report. Use only percentages since that is what used in the images. Use the measurement reference indicated to help you stay accurate in your information presentation.

Writing Feedback / Ielts part 2 - Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines. [5]

Your discussion is not grammatically perfect. It has errors in sentence formation but these mistakes do not produce any serious problems when it comes to understanding the content of your presentation. Your discussion topics are well developed and show a clear understanding the given topic. You should be proud of the work that you did in this essay. You properly represented your opinion and allowed yourself to fully discuss the presentation per paragraph. The only problem, like i said, is the lack of English fluency in some instances. However, these errors will not have a serious effect on your final score. I fully expect you to get more than a passing score with this kind of presentation. Good job.

Writing Feedback / A longer lifespan can cause some problems for both individuals and society, but these are fixable [4]

The Task 2 essay requires you to give an outlined response to the questions provided. So you should provide direct topic answers to each question. Do not discuss the topics yet, just let the examiner know what your direct response to the questions are. These will serve as the topic sentences of your reasoning paragraphs. The examiner will then have an idea of how well you understood the topic, how it should be discussed, and what should be discussed. All of these considerations are a part of your TA score.

You repeated the prompt statement in your first reasoning sentence. Like I said, you do not need to repeat the statement in the reasoning paragraphs. You are turning the double restatement into a word filler which could have an adverse effect on your total word count. If the examiner chooses to not consider the repeated statement as a part of the total essay word count, you could end up under the word minimum count and find yourself getting points deducted because of it.

Your first reasoning paragraph contains 2 topics, both of which are not thoroughly developed in the presentation. Try to connect the 2 discussion topics next time so that you can develop a clear and cohesive explanation in the paragraph. Using connecting sentences and words would be helpful in this task. By the way, avoid using the conjunction "and" at the start of a sentence. That is a word coordinator and is always used to connect phrases or words within a given sentence. Since there is no word connection required at the start of a sentence, you should not use "and" at that part of the presentation.

Your conclusion does not summarize the topic and discussion points. It lacks the 3-5 sentence requirement for that section. It will pull down your overall score because of a little discussed and non-concluded essay presentation.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS WRITING TASK 2] Speeches over Writings? [2]

Scoring of essays are a part of our private review and URGENT review services. It is no longer part of the free essay review services. You may consider one of the two advanced review suggestions by emailing us directly. Our email address is in the homepage.

WARNING! STUDENT SCORING = ACCOUNT SUSPENSION !!!

You are obviously trying to impress the examiner by using arachaic English words. That will have the opposite effect. You are scored not based on how well you know old English words. You are scored on your knowledge of current English words in relation to pop culture. You have to sound natural. Use everyday English words. That will help you score better overall.

Your use of flowery and complicated English words did not help your paragraph restatement and overall presentation. Your writing is uncomfortable for the reader. You should be focusing on the clarity and understanding of your paragraphs / sentences, rather than trying to dig into an unnecessary presentation of complicated discussions.

Your English statements actually lack clarity. For example, " writing practices empower critical thinking". That statement does not make sense. However, saying "writing empowers a person with critical thinking" then the presented statement makes sense to the reader. This is the overall problem of your presentation, there is no clarity in the statements you made. It confuses the reader and provides a stressful reading experience. This problem will result in the lowest possible GRA score for your essay.

Writing Feedback / Task 2 - Ielts Countries around the world will be facing significant challenges [5]

For clarity in your discussion and a complete response to the prompt questions, you should present your discussion response topics in the later part of the paragraph. That is usually presented after the topic restatement. This helps to show the clarity of your understanding of the discussion requirements and the related responses that you will be highlighting in your discussion. Don't give a general non-statement response. It will not help to increase your TA score.

Your first reasoning paragraph has a redundancy. It repeats the prompt statement for no reason. The first sentence of the reasoning paragraphs should always represent the discussion topic. Introduce the topic and proceed to an immediate discussion in the next sentence. There is no need to constantly repeat what the discussion topic is about. Since that is not related to the actual discussion, the examiner could decide to deduct that irrelevant word count from your total count, which could result in your essay falling under the word minimum, allowing for scoring percentage deductions to be performed on your overall score.

Your solutions paragraph should follow the format of the previous paragraph. That means, you have to discuss it in the same order of presentation for C&C considerations. You have to present the population solution, then pollution, and so on. I have to point out though, that simply mentioning the topics, without an actual expanded explanation will result in your paragraphs being considered as under developed due to a lack of supporting explanations and examples. This will mean an overall low score for your essay.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2. Mental or physical strength in sports? [2]

This is an analytical essay response. Your opinion must show a consideration of the 2 public points of view before you present your personal opinion. This is written normally, as a 5 paragraph essay as it requires clear explanations of the following:

Reason 1: Strength is the most important factor... using public reference points and opinions to justify the support for this opinion
Reason 2: It is more important to have strong and fit... use public opinions for the presentation that support this discussion
Reason 3: You have to compare both opinions in the first sentence. Second sentence, which side you support. Last 3 why you support it and give examples to illustrate.

It is because of this specific reasoning reason, in relation to the C&C scoring section, that you need to use the 5 paragraph format essay presentation. It is not only analytical, it also has to be comparative in presentation at first. You cannot present your opinion in the opening paraphrase simply because of this requirement. You should save the presentation of your opinion until after you have shown a consideration of both points of view.

Your word count is acceptable at 296 words. However, you still have spelling, grammar, and conciseness issues that were left unchecked and uncorrected. Get used to double checking, correcting, and perfecting your work during the practice essays. Failure to spot and correct your errors during the actual test could result in a forced failing score for you. It is forced because you could have avoided the errors and score downs if you had just edited your content before submission.

Graduate / Data Science playing a key role in changing the world - SOP essay [2]

Are you responding to a specific statement of purpose prompt or not? If you are responding to a prompt, then you should have included it in your posting. The reason I would like to know this information is because your SOP is not formatted in the normal manner. It is as if you are putting forth specific information as required by a discussion instruction rather than you writing a purpose statement based on a personal reason.

The essay itself does not relay any specific and vast indication of the purpose for your application. You need to show an interest in applying this masters course in your specific field of work, indicate how it will be applied, and why you think it has to be applied. After that, you can discuss your undergraduate foundation in relation to the educational requirements of the masters course. You must also provide specific professional instances when your current position has required you to use this type of training to prove that the purpose of your interest is profession related. It is not enough to simply say that you "want to leverage this in HR field". What kind of leverage are you talking about? Why should it matter to the reviewer? How does this relate to your 5 year career plan? Your essay lacks specifics in terms of purpose. Work on providing greater details in relation to the immediate and future purpose of your studies based on your career requirements.

Writing Feedback / Task1: The number of hours spent in British University [2]

In the summary overview, you should have indicated 2 things:
1. The measurement was done in percentages.
2. The same measurements were converted to the number of hours the students spent in the library.

It is important for you to properly analyze the provided information so that you can show a proper range of analytical skills in relation to your TA score. In this essay, you could have done this in the summary overview, prior to the full discussion report that you did in the body of paragraphs. It is because of the lack of analysis in the summary overview and your last paragraph that you did not meet the 3 sentence minimum requirement for each paragraph.

Writing Feedback / IELTS T1 The charts below show the banana export in 1993 and 2003, the pie chart reports costs [3]

The main problem of your essay is not the content. You did well in the reporting aspect. The problem is in the way that you worded your report. There is a 20 minute time limit on this essay test. Which means, the word count should not be more than 150 - 190 words. In sentence form that would be between 12-15 sentences per paragraph, following the more appropriate 3 paragraph format.

For your summary overview, you need to complete the related information per image prior to your 2 trending statements, one for each image. So you need to consolidate your information summary to include measurement types for both, and the breakdown of the listing as indicated by the graphs. Only after that information is presented should you indicate the trending statement for each image. For this essay, you should focus on the cohesiveness and coherence of your presentation. That is achieved by using just the right number of words per paragraph to describe the information. Be straight in your reporting, You do not need to be too wordy as you would in a task 2 essay. Look for comparison points, report on those. Otherwise, just deliver a combined report for each image so that you do not go overboard with your word count, which will make you miss the deadline for the completion of this essay.

Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 - humans should not exploit animals - it is morally wrong and it harms animals [3]

Your prompt paraphrase is confusing as the details from the original prompt have not been separated in your presentation. Use 3 sentences to separate the information then 2 sentences in the same paragrapg to opine the discussion points.

You have also misrepresented the discussion instructions. You are not being asked to present a conclusion regarding the given topic. Instead, you are directed to offer a personal opinion. An opinion is only a point of view or your thoughts about the topic. A conclusion is a determined ending to a problem or discussion. There lies the difference and there exists your prompt deviation that could very well cause this essay to fail. Your Task accuracy will fall under a response not related to the prompt.

Your overall essay discussion does not follow the pattern expected for the discussion.This requires a 3 reasoning paragraph wherein you individually explain each point of view and then, after considering the comparison of the two sides, you come to an I nformed opinion. Your presentation appears to be an incomplete discussion and will be scored as such.

The improper discussion format and incorrect restatement presentation are the biggest problems of your essay. So you cannot expect a good score for this type of work.

Writing Feedback / The number of a country's exports in a different categories and changes in each type of exports [2]

Try to write at least 175 words for the data reporting presentation. 151 words meets the minimum word requirement but it will not really help increase your overall score. Focus on your vocabulary, punctuation usage, and grammar use in this section to help increase the word count and scoring.

The other image was misidentified in your presentation. Be precise. The second image is a 2 column information presentation. Being precise increases your TA score.

Always present the measurement type for each image. This will help show that you actually analyzed the data and noted b important information for the discussion presentation. A lack of incomplete summary data presentation shows a lack of analytical ability on your part and could affect your overall score.

While the information presented is okay, it would have been clearer to the reader and given you a better overall score if you had followed the 3-5 sentence format for the 3 paragraphs. That is because the clarity and cohesion in the presentation would have been more evident to the examiner. You would have also used more GRA related sentences and punctuation marks which would have been another scoring boost for you.

Writing Feedback / Nowadays, many high school graduates opt for a gap year instead of continuing higher education [5]

When you write the paraphrase, do not include information that is not included in the original prompt. I understand that those are the reasons you will be discussing in the reasoning paragraphs. However, you are scored on the accuracy of your restatement so it is best for you to state the reasons at the end of the paraphrase instead. That is where the outline goes in this presentation.

You should limit your presentation to no more than 290 words. With 40 minutes to write the essay, and knowing that the score will be based on quality and accuracy rather than length, you are not helping yourself by over writing in the essay. There are errors in the GRA section that you could jave corrected if you focused on the proper scoring requirements for the essay.

Do not use words and English phrases if you are not familiar w I think it. The term is gap year, not drop year.

The conclusion is incomplete in formatting. This is a 3-5 sentence presentation. You dk not have a proper recap of the prompt and discussion requirements.

Writing Feedback / We are filling up our environment with so many plastic bags and rubbish that we cannot fully dispose [4]

Never make claims about the truth of a statement in an extent essay. That is because there are people who will disagree with your opinion, that creates a false statement not implied in the original discussion. Always state the opposing opinion in your paraphrase along with the response to the question. By the way, your response lacks an extent representation or emotional response. The strength could be strongly, urgently, unquestionably, etc. There needs to be a descriptive response to the extent.

Avoid using connecting words like "because" to start a sentence. That word is used to connect ideas, phrases, and other thoughts in the sentence representation.

Your paragraphs lack clarity due to your failure to use a proper mix of simple and complex sentences. Make sure you use 3-5 sentences of various lengths per paragraph so you can meet that specific GRA requirement.

Writing Feedback / WRITING TASK 2: ADVERTISING IS SUCCESSFUL OR NOT? [2]

You did very good work on this essay. You properly discussed both points of view with clear explanations and reasons. Though the grammar was not perfect. Your message came across without confusing the reader. It is also important to note that you prpvided excellent gender free pronoun usage in the essay. That will definitely boost your GRA score.

Positives aside, you could have improved the essay in a few places. In the restatement, you could have provided at least one more sentence to help achieve the 3 sentence minimum per paragraph. Your examples could have used one more persuading sentence after its presentation as well, just to help reiterate your point.

Regardless, this is still a good attempt at a comparative reason plus personal opinion essay. You definitely show the potential to score highly in the future. Keep practicing. You have potential as a future a student in an English university.

Writing Feedback / TASK 1:The graph illustrates the number of Chinese, Japanese and Indian students who enrolled ... [3]

158 words helps you meet the minimum word count, but it doesn't help you increase your scoring potential. The aim is to highlight your analytical and writing skills in this report essay. So the magic number should be anywhere from 175-190 words. By writing that many words, you will be able to truly highlight your writing skills based on all 4 scoring considerations.

You should complete your summary overview. Always pattern it after the given information in the original discussion instruction. It will be best if you restate the topic based on the original presentation, then add the other information from the chart in relation to data presentation. The data to be added are:

- Name of the countries
- Years involved in the measurement
- measurement count (percentage, thousands, etc.)

From there, you will have properly outlined the discussion to meet the 3-5 sentence format. Your overall presentation is composed of run-on rather than simple and complex sentences. You need to cut down your sentence to a proper mix of the aforementioned sentence types. That means you will also be spreading out your information within the 3-5 sentence format, which is a requirement for all 3 paragraph presentations.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 (The production and consumption of electricity for ten countries in 2014.) [2]

You should try to present a consolidated report of the bar chart. This would lead to a shorter and more concise report on your part. All you have to do is complete 3 paragraphs composed of:

Par. 1: Summary overview + trending statement
Par. 2: Comparison of first 5 countries
Par. 3: Comparison of last 5 countries.

Your summary overview is severely lacking in presentation. Aside from the rundown of the 10 countries, you forgot to mention the measurements used which are production and consumption, based on billions per KWH. The presentation of that information would have helped you create a faster reporting for the next 2 paragraphs.

You cannot use the conjunction "and" to start a sentence as it is used to coordinate the words used in a sentence. It is a connecting word. There is nothing to connect at the start of a sentence so it doesn't make sense to use it at the start of a sentence.

The essay can be shortened and given more focused information presentations. You tend to keep repeating the words China and the United States. You did not really represent the other countries well enough in the discussion. Next time, try to format the essay properly so that you can mention all the required elements in specific paragraphs.

Writing Feedback / Students education with a vast combination of subjects, or specialization on one subject with depth [2]

You have written 402 words but only 126 words are actually applicable to the prompt discussion. These relevant discussion points are located in paragraph 4. The first 3 paragraphs are only extended introductions to the topic being discussed. That does not bode well for your essay. You should have started with the content of paragraph 4 and then expanded upon that discussion in another paragraph so that you could have responded directly and relevantly to the given discussion.

There is a big difference between the IELTS Task 2 and TOEFL discussion essay. The former requires a prompt restatement before your response to the prompt. The latter, simply requires you to immediately discuss your response in reference to the given discussion topic. The TOEFL exam asks you to be direct in your information presentation. Just like the IELTS Task 2 test, it asks you to use your personal knowledge and examples to support your response.

The essay asks you to consider the early part of education, from elementary to high school. Not the specialized part in college. The broad knowledge discussion is applicable only to the part where the student still has options and choices for their future college education. By having a broad exposure to subjects, they can have educated and better choices for their focused education time.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2:Wearing diferent clothes is a positive or negative developement [2]

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Your essay is totally off base. It is not related to the given questions at all. There are 3 specific questions that require a response, which means you should be writing a 5 paragraph essay. The discussion paragraphs are as follows:

Par. 2: Is it a positive or negative development? Use your personal opinion. Pick one side. Explain.
Par. 3: How does it affect society? Response is based on your positive or negative development opinion. Support the discussion in paragraph 2.
Par. 4: How does it affect people's behavior? Positive or negative? Why? Use examples from your experience or public knowledge.

You have to make sure to address all of the questions posed in the essay. The questions are what dictate the number of paragraphs that you will be writing.

In your concluding statement, you should restate the prompt, your response to the questions, and a closing sentence. It should be at least 3 sentences to complete a minimal paragraph presentation.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2:Traditional cultures will be lost as technology develop.Do you agree or disagree [2]

Sadly, I cannot give your request to score you on each criterion and deliver an overall band score. Those are now part of our paid services, which you can get when you sign up for a private review (email address in the home page for inquiries) or, if you make this essay review URGENT. We only offer general review services for the free reviews.

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Since this is an extent essay, you must format your response in the manner expected, using the 3-5 sentence format:

... in the modern day,,, I completely disagree (measured response) with this point of view because of 2 reasons. First... Second...

Then you begin discussing or explaining each of the reasons that you outlined in the response portion of the prompt restatement. Use more first person and gender free pronouns in the essay. It will help with your GRA score and remove the general feeling of the discussion. There should not be a general reference point and avoidance of pronoun usage because the essay is asking for YOUR opinion, which can only be properly referenced using pronouns.

Limit the paragraph presentations to only 5 sentences. You do not need more than that and, if you truly want to edit and perfect your paper within 40 minutes, that is the sentence count that will allow you to have time to do so. Your conclusion is ineffective as it delivers your personal opinion restatement, but not the original prompt and reasoning topics as given in the previous discussion paragraphs. You are recapping the essay to close it so you are expected to restate the important discussion points in the closing paragraph.

Scholarship / GKS/KGSP Essay Study Plan Language (BEFORE and AFTER you come to Korea.) [2]

You should be presenting the information in an essay / paragraph form. You do not need to outline the plans. Rather, you should be showing a connection between your current preparation for your language skills improvement and your future plans to improve your language. Develop your plans equally for both language. Just because you have some English proficiency does not mean you do not need to continue developing it in the future. Explain how you plan to improve your English skills in relation to your Hangul usage. The two go hand in hand. If you can understand Hangul, then you should be able to translate it to English and vice versa. The idea, is to prove that you will be pursuing language development courses in both dialects to help you improve your student skills. So, how do you plan to do that? Expand your explanations. These are mere topic ideas. You don't really explain how you will use the available sources at your university in Korea, and the social crowd of your classes, to help you become proficient with both languages. You need an expanded discussion for the essay. These are only outlines and brainstorms. These are not actual Language Study Plans as you are expected to present it to the reviewer.

Writing Feedback / Three types of unhealthy nutrients in each meal in the USA - IELTS TASK 1 (Academic) Pie Chart [6]

The summary overview could have been more complete and accurate. Remember, these images are not just charts but pie charts. Each divided into 4 sections. Every section should have been identified as a part of the summary, along with the bad nutrients measured by each chart. Your information is also inaccurate when it comes to the unhealthy reference. You should have paraphrased that all these nutrients would be bad for one's health if over consumed or eaten without regards for health standards. Your opening summary is actually the weakest point of this essay.

I also did not find any reference to a trending statement in your presentation. You should be presenting 5 sentences for the summary overview. That is, if you want to present a thorough and complete overview. 3 sentences would be fine, but 5 is the aim for a higher TA score.

You should never present a paragraph under 3 sentences. That is an incomplete paragraph. It will not help you increase your overall score. The GRA, in particular, requires a complete paragraph presentation so that your grammar range ( simple and complex sentences) and punctuation usage can be proper scored.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: it has become an issue of whether advertisements make products seem more appealing or not. [2]

Your reasoning paragraph and closing statement are good. However, in the opening statement, you actually said that you prefer to have advertisements misled the buyer, which is a totally wrong interpretation of the prompt. You could have said something similar to this instead:

It is often said that advertising is made to help sell a product. Each product promotion is aimed at making the item look like it is the ultimate in function, hence our need to own it. However, once a person owns the item, reality sets in and he realizes the product isn't as good as it was made out to be. I support this belief because of my personal experiences with various "as advertised" products.

Like I said, the reasons are accurate, so the discussion is strong. It is the introduction that proved to be the weak point of your presentation.

Writing Feedback / Many people believe that teacher should not give students tasks to do at home, others disagree [3]

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The most appropriate format for this type of essay response is the 5 paragraph response. That is the format where you do the following:
Par. 1: Prompt restatement
Par. 2: State the pubic point of view and give a general explanation of the support for it
Par. 3: State the other public point of view along with another general explanation
Par. 4: Your personal point of view. Make sure to support one of the two sides and explain why you support it.
Par. 5: Concluding paraphrase

The clarity of this discussion will always come from the individualized explanations of each public point of view. It shows that you have truly considered both discussion aspects and made a decision or created an opinion based on an an informed discussion. Your discussion format compresses the discussion points too much, leaving the reader with more questions than answers. So spread out your discussion. Think of all sides, the pros and cons, discuss, then opine.

Scholarship / Network building for life opportunities - Chevening Scholarship [3]

You have the right idea, but the wrong interpretation of what networking skills the Chevening Scholarship is looking for. You may use 2 networking references, by order of priority:

- Real time networking - developed through your profession based on seminars, meetings, and other training attended that have proven to be useful to you in your current career

- Social Networking - based on the extension of your real time networking. After building your real time network, how did you continue to use that influence to build on your social network? How did that happen? What benefits did you gain professionally from the digital network you built? Why do you think the reviewer should take note of your social network along with your real time network?

Properly explain how the 2 networks intersect in your career. Explain why you believe that maintaining 2 network avenues are important to your profession. More importantly, do not forget to discuss the importance of the Chevening network to your career, and how you hope to use and help promote the Chevening network in your country.

Writing Feedback / Despite improvements in vehicle technology, there are still large numbers of road accidents. [3]

There is a 5 sentence maximum, 3 sentence minimum, for all paragraphs. Your first reasoning paragraph is over this requirement. You have to shorten your presentations. Make it informative without using too many words. That is where you can prove that you are capable of writing in a cohesive and coherent manner, thus scoring better in the C&C section. Do not go over the 5 sentence limit in any paragraph, do not go under the 3 minimum limit either.

Review your singular v plural rules. "Is people" should be "are people" since "people" is the plural form of person.

You need to work on your concluding paragraph. Always use the 3 sentence minimum to restate the topic, your reasons, solutions, and offer a concluding reminder to the reader. Your current concluding paragraph doesn't really help with your scoring assessment as it does not deliver on the required content.