Writing Feedback / Who should be in charge of activities related to scientific research? [4]

Hamster, this essay is not written in the correct format. This is a single opinion, agree or disagree essay. It is not an emotional essay either since the question does not pose an "extent" question. As such, the response you have written is only partially correct due to the incorrect format applied to the discussion. All IELTS Task 2 essays as single opinion discussion presentations on the writers part unless the specific instruction of "discuss both points of view" is provided in the original discussion.

Therefore, this essay should have focused its 3 body paragraph development on the basis of your simple agreement with the given topic. There was no need to exaggerate your response with "completely" or "strongly" as the essay did not require that in the presentation. By doing so, you created a prompt deviation which led to the scoring down of your overall essay. Based on these observations in your work, I believe that the most appropriate score that this can receive is no more than a 4.

However, the main reason for the major points deduction is the "both points of view" discussion that you decided to present. This ran counter to the expected response format, which was the development of the reasons that support your agreement with the aforementioned statement. Do not discuss the essay in a manner that runs counter to the original presentation. That is the most common mistake made by students when responding to the Task 2 essay. That is also normally the reason why the student gets a failing score in the test.

Writing Feedback / Human being actions are leading to the extinction of species and loss of bio-diversity [3]

CCY, I believe that this essay can only get an overall score of 5. The score is based on your ample, but simple discussion of the given essay topic. There were certain problems with your TA, C&C, as well as your GRA scores. Let me tackle these individually below.

For the TA section, You have to remember that the prompt paraphrase needs to be completely represent the original prompt discussion in a first person presentation style. Overall, the paragraphs always need to have between 3-5 sentences in order to be properly scored. In the TA section, you only have 2 sentences because you merged the discussion for 2 instructions into one sentence. That is the worst way to increase your GRA score in relation to the TA section. The GRA is increased by writing between the minimum and maximum number of sentences per paragraph. In this case, I would have written this as:

There is a belief that people are causing an imbalance in the biodiversity of the planet. This has led to the annihilation of certain animals and other species in the wildlife. As such, there are several major causes of this problem that have led to this essay discussion. This essay will represent a reason or two regarding the cause of the problem and how it might be solved.

Use certain keywords from the original prompt whenever you can to signal to the examiner that you understood the topic and instructions. In other areas, use other versions of the keywords known as synonyms. Make sure the thesis statement stays on point with the original presentation though. Otherwise, your essay will deviate from the original instruction for discussion.

Now, for the C&C sections, the main scoring consideration is that the paragraph must be a complete and developed discussion of only 1 given topic. The subject line for this is normally used in the first sentence of the 3-5 sentence presentation. One topic should be represented completely with:

1. Cause of biodiversity loss
2. Reason for its continued occurrence
3. Explanation for this occurrence
4. Additional reasoning
5. Example.

The better presentation for this discussion would have been as follows:
1. Prompt paraphrase
2. Cause
3. Public solution
4. Government solution
5. Concluding Summary based on body paragraph discussions

Whenever solutions are asked for in an essay, it is always best to present a public and government solution so that the 5 paragraph requirement, which also maximizes the overall scoring potential of a student, is met. In your current discussion, you did not really have a chance to develop your reasons because you just kept on throwing in multiple reasons, without actually explaining these. The result is an under developed discussion which is weakened by the lack of supporting statements in your paragraphs.

These weak and confusing paragraph discussions indicate that you are only focused on writing as many words as you can to meet the word count. When you should instead be focused on showcasing or highlighting your English discussion prowess through proper English thinking, writing in English, and proper sentence structures. All of which were affected by your lack of focus on the quality of your work. You are scored on quality, not quantity in this essay.

Writing Feedback / To what extent do you agree that letter writing is disappearing? IELTS 2. [4]

Jea, since you have repeated the same mistakes from your previous essay, I will refrain from commenting on those so as not to waste time and space. I will however, advice you that when you receive corrections from a contributor, you are expected to apply the corrections in the succeeding essays.

As you admitted, you wrote this essay right after your first post, but there was a lag in the time when you received the advice based on the first essay and the posting of this new one. So, why then did you not correct the mistakes as pointed out in the previous essay? The advice given was more based on the presentation mistakes that you made. Therefore, it appears that you are disregarding the advice being given to you by the professional contributors here and that really appears to me as you not being serious about improving your work.

You should have applied the corrections to this essay before you submitted it. That will show me, as the professional contributor that you are taking the advice seriously and that you know how to properly apply it to your work. Please do not do that again. Otherwise, as an experienced and professional contributor, I will be constrained to stop reviewing your work. At that point, you will only receive non-professional general and grammar correction advice from fellow users, who are also just studying how to use the English language and preparing for their test just like you, which will not be of much help in improving your work based on scoring considerations.

You cannot use a 4 format essay in the Task 2 essay because the C&C section REQUIRES a 5 paragraph format. You will lose points for writing less than 250 words and writing less than 5 paragraphs as that automatically indicates an under developed essay discussion. You will not be able to show the reviewer your true English skills and potential as a student with less than 5 paragraphs. Only the Task 1 essay, that does not require a conclusion, is expected and required to have a 4 paragraph presentation due to the lower word count requirement.

In your presentation, you need to add the suffix -ly to form a proper adverb from the adjective you are using. You cannot say "I strong agree" but rather use the adverb form by saying "I strongly agree" this depicts the "degree" of agreement or disagreement with the given statement. There is also no need for you to add the opinion sentence at the end. That should be part of the topic sentence in the body paragraph. The opening statement must stick to being a proper paraphrase and thesis presentation only. No discussions allowed due to sentence number constraints.

Good job using personal experience in the defense of your opinion. This shows a clear understanding of the prompt and how it applies to the popular culture of today. Examiners tend to rate essays that use personal experience higher than the other discussion formats because this format clearly shows the depth of your English comprehension skills in terms of the given discussion topic and discussion instructions.

You did a bad job in mentioning a specific country in the essay. That is racist and should not be included in the essay. A general reference and tone is always best in order to avoid possibly offending the examiner, who may be of mixed descent and may take offense at your choice of words and example in the presentation. While it may sound right to you, proper writing etiquette and decency as well as respect for others and other cultures must be represented in your discussion as well.

Your conclusion continues the discussion of the essay with new information, thus creating an open ended essay which will reduce your TA scoring potential. The 5th paragraph is always the concluding summary. That is how you write the 5 paragraph essay.

Writing Feedback / There's a question whether school teachers should incorporate homework into the teaching scheme [2]

Grey, unfortunately, your approach tot he whole discussion is incorrect. You have turned a compare and contrast with personal opinion essay discussion into a solely personal opinion presentation. This has created a prompt deviation to large, that your essay will only get a partial score, based on the personal opinion discussion, which will not be enough to ensure that this essay will get a passing grade.

Make sure that you always represent all of the discussion instructions as indicated in the original prompt. In this instance, you were asked to discuss both points of views BEFORE giving your personal opinion. Therefore, this is a 5 body paragraph essay composed of the following:

1. Prompt paraphrase
2. Opinion 1
3. Opinion 2
4. Personal Opinion
5. Discussion summary

None of these presentations were accurately delivered in your essay. Therefore, the TA section of this essay will fail. Add to that the GRA and C&C problems in the essay and there is no way that you can muster a passing score for your work. Remember to always check the instructions for discussion against what you have written in order to ensure that you have delivered all of the required elements in the paper. Allot at least 10 minutes for review and revision. Just in case something like this happens where you responded to only 1 of the 3 instructions provided.

To further strengthen your presentation make sure that the topic you discuss before your personal opinion is the opinion that you support. That way, your personal opinion, referring to the previously stated discussion can negate the information presented by the side that you do not agree with. Thus making the compare and contrast essay a partial argumentative essay in the process. These essay presentation types are guaranteed to increase your C&C scoring potential.

It is important that you focus on all 3 discussion requirements and not only the aspect you are familiar with. As in this case, you focused solely on your personal opinion rather than both sides of the discussion. How can you do better next time?

First of all, do not present a personal opinion in the opening statement. Simply explain the prompt to the reader as you understand it. That is called the prompt paraphrase. At the end of the paraphrase, explain what will happen in the essay through a thesis statement:

This essay will explain the factors behind the two points of view and then present my personal opinion regarding the topic.

The conclusion is not the place to represent your personal opinion as a single sentence. The personal opinion is a stand alone 3-5 sentence paragraph that contains an explanation based on a justifiable reason based on personal experience or personal knowledge. The conclusion is a restatement of the body of paragraph topic sentences that ties in with the reworded thesis statement.

Letters / My letter of intent to do a Master program in US - HR Management [2]

Praise, this is an acceptable draft for your personal statement. It cannot be considered a complete personal statement because it is too short. It is not capable of informing the reader of the personal interests that led to your decision to study a masters in this field. From what I have read, you ended up summarizing the content into one paragraph when you should have had it cover at least 5 full, informative, and impactful paragraphs for presentation.

Try to represent the development of your interest in at least 300 words covering your introduction to the field, what particular section of the job interested you the most, why this section interested you, how you performed in it, why you wish to continue working in this section with a masters under your best. Work in a professional expectation for your studies based on your current exposure. This is the "intent" portion of your letter.

Finally, you need to express the personal academic reasons that you have for choosing the university. It should be more than just about what you read on the university website. It has to convince the reviewer that you have certain academic potential that will be honed and polished to professional perfection by the training and classes offered by the university. What do you intend to do during your time as a student at the university? How does that tie in with your professional intention? Wrap those information together and the letter of intent will better inform the reviewer about you and your intentions.

Undergraduate / Study Plan Letter - following a bachelor degree in Agricultural and Environmental Sciences at McGill [4]

@Shrimp This being a college study plan letter, it has to answer one important question in relation to convincing the consul officer to give you a visa. That is, what is the professional purpose of your study? Focus on discussing your long term professional goal in relation to your study objectives. It isn't enough to simply say that lacks technology and research in this field. Such a line of reasoning means that the Biotechnology and Bioengineering universities exist in your country. You just opt not to enroll in one of those universities. Therefore, the letter should justify the reason you are not enrolling in your home country by explaining what the focal point of your studies will be. After you explain your "college thesis" plan, you must then be able to explain what the limitations of studying these fields are in your country. Only explaining why your country cannot satisfy your academic and research needs can you then explain how McGill fits into your academic objectives in relation to your professional goals.

It would be best if you revise the essay in order to make it stronger and inclusive of rational reasoning and discussion points. At the moment, this is not very convincing and is really weak in the reasoning department. Try to strengthen the aspects I mentioned above so that the study plan will be built on a more solid foundation.

Writing Feedback / The way of communication between people has been changed due to the modern technology; IELTS2 [3]

Bimal, you have written a focused essay that speaks of only one point of view. Excellent work. That is half the battle won in your writing task. However, rather than saying "there are disadvantages: in your thesis statement, which by the way, should have been at least 3 sentences long instead of 2 (3 being the minimum sentence requirement, 5 the maximum), you should have instead used keywords from the original prompt to prove that you understand what is being discussed. The proper reference phrase would have been "While there are some negative aspects to the trend, there are more positive results coming from it." Try to figure out what keywords exist in the original prompt that you can use in your opening paraphrase and thesis statement to further improve your TA score.

Pay particular attention to the way that you write the words. Do not capitalize words that are not proper nouns such as telephone and computers. Do not use non-academic terms for "and so on and so forth" such as "etc." because that removes the academic tone and shows a disrespect for the reader. In addition to that, make sure you leave time to edit your work.

Redundancies such as "and and" in your current presentation also prove to be mistakes that will cost you in the final scoring. Your GRA score will definitely be lower than passing in this instance and because you did not present 5 paragraphs for the discussion, you will also be scored down in terms of the C&C section because this has a mandatory 5 paragraph presentation requirement for Task 2 essays. The 5 paragraph essay is what helps the exam taker to garner the higher scoring consideration. You also need to present a clear concluding summary otherwise you deliver an open ended essay to the examiner which, again will affect the TA score of your essay.

Overall, you have some good points but more negative points in your writing and essay development manner in this presentation. You show the potential to improve over your current work though. Just remember, it is more important to edit your presentation before you submit it. Writing more than 250 words is not as important as the quality of work you will deliver because you are scored on your ability to properly make yourself understood in English and how you use the language. More words will never equate to a high quality of writing. Only proof reading your work before submission can accomplish that task and that, is the only way to ensure a passing score in the test.

Writing Feedback / Violence and disaters images in the media, what are the causes and our solutions [3]

Vu, since you did not post the complete prompt with this essay, I cannot really tell what your required discussion topic and mode of discussion is. I would however, like to point out that your discussion is confusing. Your title indicates, "media" as the source of violent images in the media. However, the focus of your essay was on the internet and how it contributes to bad news, rather than images. Which is it? News or images? Those are 2 different essay prompt topics. You actually seem to be discussing 3 separate topics in this essay, which poses a discussion and presentation problem. I cannot advise you as to how to fix that TA problem because you did not post the complete original prompt for the essay. Please remember to do next time.

Basically, this is a distracted essay in the sense that each paragraph discusses an unrelated topic presentation. This creates a C&C problem for your score. You cannot score highly in that section because your essay does not manage to present a solid discussion based on one topic. I will withhold further advising on this work because I want to give you a chance to show me that you can actually write a coherent essay. Post another essay here for review. This time, include the full original instructions so that I can properly guide your progress in terms of addressing your weak points.

Essays / Task 2 - I do not understand the meaning of the topic - technology impact on a society [3]

Hamid, you are supposed to discuss each point of view as a separate topic in the stand alone body paragraphs. So the format is:

1. Why people agree with the idea provided. Use public opinion to explain this aspect and close it with an example to drive your point home.

2. Why people disagree with the idea. Use the public non-support reasons and again, provide an example to further explain it.

3. Discuss your personal opinion regarding the topic. Choose to either support or not support the main topic. You may only use one opinion for this and explain it from a personal point of view based on personal experience.

If you are still not sure about how to approach this essay, then read the sample essays here based on the same topic. Just click on the Similar Discussions link above to get related discussions that can help you develop your own approach to similarly themed discussions.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 (People argue about children's decision) [6]

Yoga, I do not know where to begin in pointing out the mistakes of this essay because there are so many severe GRA, C&C, and TA mistakes that this is definitely an essay that will not muster enough of a collective score to pass the test.

For starters, your TA does not indicate the correct prompt instructions. As a result you only have a proper paraphrase of the discussion topic, but the reader has no idea what kind of discussion will take place based on the topic. The latter instruction is the most important part of the TA scoring requirements. That is why, without it, you will also just get a partial score for it.

All of your paragraphs are so badly developed that I do not even want to think about how low your C&C and GRA scores will be. All of the sentences are structurally faulty and cannot even pass for a proper simple sentence, which is what your essay was most likely aiming for but failed to do so. You must do more simple sentence development exercises in order to learn the proper method of writing a sentence with the correct subject-verb and subject-adjective agreements. There is simply no indication of you possibly being able to make yourself properly understood in English at this point. The paragraphs are stressful to read because it must be read several times before the reader can even try to guess what it is you are trying to explain.

While you did try to represent the two points of view in the best way that you know how, you failed to discuss a personal opinion as a stand alone paragraph. That is an essential part of the 3 body paragraph requirement. Without it, your essay becomes responsive only to a certain degree, which means it will not get a proper passing score for the Task Accuracy section in relation to the body paragraph discussions either. You cannot pass off a single sentence within the concluding paragraph as a personal opinion discussion. The personal opinion needs to be properly explained and developed as a separate paragraph.

In this instance, you did not write a proper summary conclusion either. It would be best if you reviewed the work of other students who practiced for this test first and learn from their essays and advice given to them. That way, you will also learn how to improve your writing. Just remember, to prepare for the test, you need to build your English vocabulary and your sentence development skills. Focus on that and you should be able to pass the test. Your English comprehension skills are somewhat developed already so that is good.

PS- When you write the word e.g. you should not enclose the succeeding example words in a parenthesis as those two go together. However, you can open a parenthesis, place the e.g. and accompanying words in it then close the parenthesis. Choose between the two proper formats the next time you use that word. It would be better if you just say "for example" and mention the examples instead. Don't try to be creative in writing when you can't even form the correct sentence structures yet.

Essays / Essay about the news media - how to start? [3]

Approach this essay from a comparative point of view. You can start by explaining why you believe that your country's form of news reporting, based on print and television reports, are more reliable than the ones abroad. Consider then the problems that America has with "Fake News" and discuss how your country's journalists manage to avoid that. That already discusses an immediate response to the difference question. The reason why using a comparative discussion of your country's news reporting and the American style will be the best manner of discussion is because the whole point of the question relies on the "fake news" implication when it comes to news reporting. Thus discussing the different manners of information fact checking becomes the basis of the response to the question. So think of how your reporters "fact check" their news when compared to the US counterparts and your essay will be well on its way to developing a highly relevant response to the question. You need to create a secondary thesis statement, in this case "fake news", in order to really discuss the differences in news reporting.

Writing Feedback / An increasing number of transport revolutions. Which are considered as the most remarkable? [3]

Do, there is an error in your discussion. Since you are referring to transport innovation and not cargo transport innovation, you cannot discuss the train in the cargo transport manner. That is because cargo trucks are used for the commercial transport of goods. The trucks are far more efficient and capable than the train. Granted that the train was the preferred mode of transport in the late 19th to early 20th century, that is no longer the case these days. Cargo planes and trucks have taken over that role in the commercial transport industry. So that reason is wrong and weakened your discussion.

Your discussion about trains being an efficient alternative of mass transport is strong though and makes sense. Your samples and reasoning is sound except in the part where you said "On the other hand...". That phrase should have been omitted so that the sentence would have been more authoritative and supportive of the previous sentence.

You also failed to consider that not all rail transport systems in the world as modern as you imply in your essay. Other countries that are not capable of modern train transport systems suffer in comparison and thus, negate your opinion that the train is the most significant transportation innovation over the past 200 years. The airplane or cargo trucks would have made more sense in this discussion.

To strengthen an essay like this one, you need to pre-empt questions and possible counter arguments from those who have a different idea. Think of the opposition reasons I gave above and how you might have incorporated a defense statement in your essay paragraphs to weaken my arguments. That is called a pre-emptive discussion and often strengthens opinion essays that ask about topics as the one you indicated here.

Writing Feedback / Effect of technology. Do the advantages of the online business meetings outweigh the disadvantages ? [2]

Mai, the issue is not about online tools. It is about online business meetings. Your reference to business tools creates a different discussion from the original prompt known as a prompt deviation. As such, your essay will lose the chance to get a passing score based on proper discussion protocols in place for the IELTS Essay 2 test. Your paragraphs are very little developed. Presenting only reference points for discussion but not really developing a supporting statement for the reference. This will fail the C&C section scoring section of the test as well. Then there is the problem with your GRA. Your sentences are mostly improperly developed, structurally faulty, and will not pass as a sentence developed by a well trained ESL writer. For example, you cannot say: "As far as you know" because you do not have any idea what that person really knows. You can however, refer to "As far as I know" because you know the extent of your knowledge on a particular issue. Overall, the essay did not properly discuss whether or not online meetings outweigh the disadvantages. That is because you limited the actual discussion point to one line in the 4th paragraph. The whole essay is misinformed and does not properly educate the reader. Thus, this essay cannot gain a passing score in an actual test setting.

I am basing my observations on the partial prompt instruction that you gave. I cannot comment further due to lack of instructions coming from the original prompt. Please provide the full prompt in the text box the next time you post an essay with us. That way you can get correct, accurate, advice and not just advice based on a partial prompt rendition. Partial prompt advice could lead you down the wrong path instead of helping you improve your essay work in the right manner. That is why I am limiting my advice to only what you posted as the partial prompt instruction. This is not to be taken as full advice for the actual, full prompt requirements since you failed to post that in the essay text box. The prompt should never be used as the title of the essay either. That is how you end up providing only partial or wrong prompt requirements. So I am taking this essay at face value and giving you the same advice.

Essays / Help with the crucible narrative intervention [2]

Since this book is about the Salem Witch Trials, you will do best to do some film research on the topic. By watching other Salem Trial based films, you will be able to formulate a new character who is similar to John Proctor but different in many ways. Use the various film settings and themes in order to develop your own original idea of the story, using new information garnered from the films you watched and additional research that you should be doing for the story. The best way to develop your own story is to immerse yourself in stories and movies about that period of time. Take inspiration from their characters and then develop your own original story. Kind of like how E.L. James took inspiration from the characters in Twilight and came up with the Fifty Shades storyline in the process. That is what you should be doing here.

Writing Feedback / IELTS GT Essay - The use of cellular phones has negatively impacted person to person communication [2]

Neha, opinion discussions in the opening statement is only acceptable in the direct question essay. Unfortunately, this essay that you wrote is not a direct question essay so the opening paragraph should have only been a presentation of the prompt overview / summary discussion along with the thesis restatement. The fact that the first paragraph does not represent a thesis statement already means that it will not get a passing score in the TA section.

The rest of the essay suffers tremendously in the C&C section because you are moving from various topics such as landline and mobile internet usage when the actual topic for discussion is only about the use of mobile phones. These change of topics are prompt deviations which will cause a total failing score for your presentation. You need to focus only on the topic that was given (mobile phone use advantage and disadvantage) during the discussion because adding information that is not required changes the tone of discussion. It leads to a failing essay.

All of your discussion points are not fully developed. These are only talking points and topic sentences. They are not fully developed discussions. If these were fully developed, you will be discussing only one topic per paragraph within the 3 paragraph allotment as I previously told you. You placed simple ideas, without appropriate explanations and examples into the paragraphs. It makes it confusing and hard to keep track of the discussion you are supposedly trying to present.

At this point, I will refrain from scoring your essay for obvious reasons. If you cannot learn to focus on the topic for discussion in all the paragraphs, if you cannot understand how the proper discussion must be created based on prompt instructions, then you do not stand a chance of passing the test.

Writing Feedback / Solution for traffic - providing free public transport 24 hours per day, and seven days a week [3]

Nguyen, the essay that you wrote is not going to get a passing score because your whole approach to the discussion is wrong. This is an extent based opinion essay, it is not a simple agree or disagree essay. Neither is it a benefit or advantage and disadvantage essay. Your discussion does not apply to the given prompt. Look at this outline to understand why your error created a prompt deviation that created a failing score essay because you did not get the topic for discussion nor the discussion style right:

Original Instruction: To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your Response: While I believe that this brings several benefits, I would argue that it has also a number of negative impacts on the society.

Rather than discussing the extent of your opinion on the given topic, you chose to create your own discussion points instead. This runs counter to the original prompt and will result in a failed TA score. Once the TA fails, the rest of the essay scoring points cannot be given a passing mark either. An error in the discussion response that is this serious will make the examiner realize that you did not understand the instructions for the discussion. As such, you are definitely not prepared to attend an English speaking academic institution overseas. Your lack of instruction comprehension means that your English abilities are only at the beginner level. It is not even intermediate at this point since you created a prompt deviation that is in no way related to the original discussion instruction.

Do not write the essay just for the sake of writing a response. You need to make sure that you are properly responding to the essay. Before you write more practice tests, read more model essay samples first. We have more than a handful of those to offer you here. Learn from the lessons taught to the others and apply those suggestions to your future practice writing tests.

Writing Feedback / Teaching a foundation of logical reasoning gives more to a moral society that teaching morality [2]

Mohit, this is a seriously flawed GRE essay that cannot gain any score higher than a 2 for the following reasons:

1. You offered only a personal point of view in this essay rather than doing a proper paragraph based comparison of the 2 points of view prior to discussing your personal opinion. Your personal opinion should have been presented later in the essay.

2. Your presented ideas are poorly developed due to lack of proper connecting words and appropriate information presentation in relation to the topic sentence of the paragraph.

3. The language and sentence structure errors are so bad that these sentences and paragraphs tend to not make any sense to the reader. The problem lies mainly in your inability to use proper grammar, properly develop the sentences, and use appropriate punctuation in the presentation.

I think that the main problem was that you were too focused on completing the essay within the required time limit that you just kept on typing without leaving time to proof read your paper. When you fail to proof read, you end up with a badly written essay such as this one. I strongly urge you to leave at least 10 minutes towards the end of the writing period to double check your essay. Make sure the essay is clear and coherent and that proper punctuation marks are used throughout. Do not use long sentences that could turn into improperly developed run-ons.

Graduate / Letter of Intent for MPH application in Environmental & Global health, USA. Suggestions requested!! [2]

Suhela, the essay is running too long without really focusing on the required content. Try to write a new essay please. One that focuses more on the presentation of the following information:

1. Personal Goals
a. History of your exposure to Alzheimer's Disease and frustration with the existing treatments
b. How this influenced you to focus on Neuroscience
c. What you hope to achieve on a personal level by completing this masters degree

2. Professional Goals
a. Your current work in the field of Neuroscience with a specific mention of its relevance to Alzheimer's research
b. Your proposed accomplishment as a student studying this course. Indicate the courses you want to focus on. Again, in relation to Alzheimer's,
c. Explain how the completion of this course will help you advance in your career upon your return. What will your new professional focus be? Why? How will it help advance research

d. How does your interest in public health relate to you helping create modern treatment in this field?

Make sure that you explain your interest in public health and how it relates to the program you are interested in studying. The current essay is too biographical in nature to be a true letter of intent. In fact, I found it very hard to read even a semblance of intent in it because I lost interest in reading what you were saying by the 2nd paragraph. If you do not make the connection to at least one of the questions in the first paragraph, then transition into a continuing response in the next paragraph, you will tend to lose the interest of the reviewer. You want to avoid that at all costs by delivering only the required information, directly and clearly from the beginning to the end of the letter.

Writing Feedback / The free information, available on the internet, is double-edged sword. It can be helpful or harmful [3]

Wasel, I hope that you are just writing this essay as an English writing practice activity because if you are writing this for either the TOEFL or IELTS test, it isn't going to work. The essay is very poorly written in the sense that it doesn't really provide an explanation as to how the available information on the internet can have an influence on today's world.

For example, when you mentioned bad information as being bad news, you should have followed up on that discussion with supporting statements / reasons and examples of bad news that has a negative influence on the world. The same goes for the good benefits. Learn to be consisted with your discussion formats, You can't go from a single opinion essay in one paragraph to a comparison essay in the next. The discussion method needs to be consistent and relevant.

This essay is rushed, does not really offer insightful information, and seems to have been written only to fulfill a word count. It is not an effective presentation of your English writing skills because of the mistakes indicated within your work.

Scholarship / Essay about African-American leader in my field who has inspired me to achieve my goals [2]

Aquilah, the first thing you can do to improve your hook is to make it more relevant to the inspiration that Dr. Bears had on your life. This inspiration needs to relate to the person's actual profession or life story. Since he is an Economist, I can only assume that you are planning to study Economics in college. So you need to connect the dots between his life experiences and yours somehow. The effective hook will come form either a comparison of your background's or the strong similarity of the background or a singular life experience. Remember, this essay is all about Dr. Bears inspiring you to achieve your goals. I don't get a sense of that with this opening statement. It sounded more to me like you would have been inspired by a lawyer or a police officer, but not an economist, based upon your life experiences. You may want to rethink your opening statement. Write a new one that will probably help you to better connect the inspirational aspect with your life. As of now, this hook cannot be improved in my opinion. Instead, it should be replaced.

Writing Feedback / An uncharged service as a part of high school programs [2]

Wendy, the first mistake that you made in the writing of this essay is that your opening presentation did not include an emotional response to a single opinion, as the focus of your essay. As such, you failed to properly implement the expected Task Accuracy requirements. This created an essay that was only partially correct in responding to the question posed. The next problem with your essay, which will prevent it from receiving a passing mark is that you turned this into a "Discuss both points of view, the present a personal opinion discussion", which isn't what the prompt is asking for.

All Task 2 essays, unless otherwise specified, must focus on only a single point of view to discuss, defend, and prove to be the correct opinion, within the essay. This is what all 3 paragraphs should be all about. Since you did not follow the correct discussion instructions, and your response is only partially correct, your essay may not receive a passing score. Most specially since you had examples that were so irrelevant to the discussion that it would fail your C&C scoring as well.

There are several samples of properly written essays based on this prompt at this forum, I urge you to review those essays and learn from the advice given so that you can avoid future errors, such as these failing score causing mistakes, in the future.

Writing Feedback / Multiple short school-free days or one long vacation for children? [3]

Jea, in response to your approach question, the answer is no. You did not approach the essay in the right manner. Since this is not a direct question essay, you were not supposed to start the often partially presented discussion in the first paragraph. Rather, you were supposed to summarize the original prompt, presenting it in your own manner within the first paragraph, without discussing the topic at all. You must also never exaggerate your presentation. These topics are always presented as discussions, never as debates, arguments, or any other angry form of discourse. The proper term to use is always "discussion, belief, understanding" and other similar, placated discussion terminologies.

With regards to your actual paragraph presentations, you tended to run too long in your presentations alright. In this type of essay, you should aim to discuss the paragraph topic, that is one topic per paragraph, within 3-5 sentences. If you cannot do it in 5 sentences, but can do it in 3, then it is acceptable to the examiner. Now, your actual discussions, when not violating the presentation requirements, are actually sound and clear. Good work on the C&C section. Bad work on the concluding statement. This should have only summarized the previous discussion. Consider it the reverse of the opening statement:

Opening statement = prompt paraphrase
Closing statement = summary of discussion points from the body of paragraphs.

There were redundancies in your essay. Just remember to review your statements and delete any repetitions. Remember, 3 sentences will be sufficient enough for the examiner to gauge your work. Write 250 words exactly if need be. Offer more time to the finalizing of the content of your essay and proof reading instead of writing more words. The content and obvious ability to understand English instructions and express yourself clearly in English is more important in the scoring than the number of words that you are capable of writing.

Writing Feedback / Computer is being used more and more popular in every field, especially in education [2]

Truc, the minimum word requirement for the Task 2 IELTS essay is 250 words delivered in a 5 paragraph format. The presentation should be composed of the prompt paraphrase, 3 body paragraphs, and a concluding summary of the discussion. Your essay does not meet the minimum word requirement and will thus receive an automatic failing score. You cannot expect to pass when you cannot meet the minimum requirements of the essay prompt.

In your opening paraphrase, you failed to introduce the complete prompt instructions which includes the presentation of a personal opinion in the discussion. Neither did you discuss your personal opinion as required in the essay as a separate body paragraph. These are even more serious mistakes in your writing and presentation process which will definitely prevent the essay from getting a passing score.

The main problem, as I see it in your essay is that you only partially understood the prompt discussion instruction. Which makes your essay an incomplete presentation of the required discussion. It will be considered tangential in response and will probably receive a final score of about 4.

Writing Feedback / Fast Food is Killing America One Combo Meal at a Time [2]

@bultmlisaj when you write an academic research paper, do the writing from the third person point of view. You should not be using first person references because this is not an opinion essay. The research much be presented from a third person point of view because you have to remain impartial in the presentation of facts. Avoid using exclamation points in your research presentation. That punctuation mark indicates a writer who is "shouting" at the reader. Being an academic paper, this must use an even, academic, relaxed, and analytical tone at all times. You will have to double check your punctuation marks. I noticed that you missed a few periods in the research. While you can forget about those while developing your draft, you should not forget to do a final proof read for the possible grammar, punctuation, and research information errors that you may have missed the first few times you scanned the paper during the earlier review process. Overall though, this is a well referenced paper that has an easy reading presentation. I would love to proof the final paper for you once you complete the research.

Writing Feedback / Passengers on London Underground per hour, from 6 a.m to 10 p.m. - IELTS Task 1 [2]

Sil, there are 2 mistakes in this essay. The first, is that Your opening and closing paragraphs are run on sentences. Always aim for the 3 sentence minimum. Try to add one paragraph as well since the Task 1 essay gets a better score with a 4 paragraph essay. The increase in paragraph number shows a better analysis of the percentage graph you were presented with. The other mistake, was that you changed the timing reference from 24 hour to 12 hour references. The 24 hour reference is what was used in the graph so, for accuracy purposes, you need to use the same time reference in your essay. Good work on presenting the low and peak hours. Though. There is a vocabulary problem present in the essay. Affluency refers to the "financial capacity" of a person or the amount of money a person has. It cannot refer to the number of people who ride the train. Remember, the LR score will be affected by the wrong use of English terminology. Words used in the wrong context, due to the word meaning will result in points deductions which will result in either a low or not passing score.

Writing Feedback / Computers are becoming an essential part of education. Discuss Advantages, Disadvantages & opinion. [4]

Neha, since you posted two versions of the essay, I will be advising you only on the second version since that is the newest interpretation that you created for the prompt statement. There are several mistakes in this essay that will lower the TA score to the point where the whole essay may not pass in the remaining scoring sections because the TA score has the most consideration in the individual scoring system.

I am not sure if you are attending classes or not for the IELTS review. I am weary of advising students who are attending classes and have lessons and instructions coming from their tutors, who come here and ask for advice only to argue with me about the proper way to write the essay, If you have a tutor, know that you can disregard my advice at any time. I will not argue with someone who has a tutor since I am only giving free advice here. My advice is on a take it or leave it basis.

Your TA will get a 5 as per my assessment of your work. The first reason for this score is that your opening statement does not accurately represent the discussion requirements. There are 3 requirements for presentation that section:

1. Positive
2. Negative
3. Personal Opinion

When there are 3 sections to be presented and your paraphrased instruction only represents 2, there will be a score deduction for the additional reason that you began the discussion of the topic, by presenting your personal opinion within the prompt restatement. The opening statement is used to assess your ability to represent your own understanding of the original prompt. The main rule to be remembered here is that you are NEVER allowed to begin the discussion of the prompt in this section. The prompt restatement must be completed within 3-5 sentences only. The opinion discussion is reserved for the 3 body paragraphs. Due to this mistake, your C&C section score will also be affected.

The C&C section is used to judge your English thinking ability and your skill in representing that on paper. As such, when you discussed the personal opinion in the opening statement, you violated this rule twice. You discussed your personal opinion, as an integrated statement in the second paragraph. Again, the personal opinion needs to be a stand alone and strong paragraph discussion. A complete and developed paragraph is within 3-5 sentences, based on a singular topic per paragraph. Multiple topics discussed in a single paragraph results in an under developed discussion presentation and, in this instance, garnered you a score of 4.

The body paragraphs for this essay should have contained:

1. Discussion 1
2. Discussion 2
3. Personal Opinion

The IELTS Task 2 essay, whether for academic or General Test writing should always be composed of 5 properly and completely developed paragraphs in order to gain a higher percentage of LR and GRA scores. In this instance, your LR score would be in the range of 5. You have spelling errors that you did not bother to correct in the essay so that pulled the score down even further for that section.

The GRA, would be around a 6. Your sentence tend to ramble on rather than getting directly to the point. You need to write only 250 words for this essay. Do not write more than that so you can focus on editing and revising your essay for final submission. It isn't the amount of words that you have written that is being scored but rather your skill in using the English language. So be direct to the point when discussing in the paragraphs. Stay on topic, do not suddenly insert a personal opinion because the personal opinion is a stand alone paragraph that supports only 1 side of the discussion. Do not use it for comparison discussion purposes.

Writing Feedback / People tend to live alone which may have both beneficial and detrimental effects [3]

Nguyen, this is a single opinion essay that you opted to discuss as a double point of view. That is the main reason why you will fail this essay. That, along with the fact that you were asked to discuss a positive or negative development and you instead, opted to discuss advantages and disadvantages, means that you did not understand the prompt requirement for the discussion. Let's outline the requirement so you can better see how you made a mistake:

Original Instruction: Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Your Response: this trend could give rise to both disadvantages and advantages.

While some will say that advantages and disadvantages could be used as an alternative term for positive and negative, when it comes to the Task 2 essay, it is always best to use the obvious keywords in the paraphrasing of the opening statement. That way, the examiner will clearly see that you understood the important question being asked and that you knew how to properly use it in a sentence.

Please remember that unless explicitly asked to compare two points of view, all Task 2 essays are discussed from a single point of view. That is why your essay cannot receive a high score in this instance. You lost major points in the TA section mostly because of the prompt deviation in your response. Aside from that, the C&C section scoring of the essay asks that all paragraphs be developed with no more than 5 sentences per paragraph, you developed each paragraph with either 6 sentence of 2 sentences. The 2 sentences are short of the 3 sentence minimum for the presentation. The short paragraphs immediately indicate run on sentences in your presentation. However, most of your body paragraphs are also composed of run on sentences, all of which, when combined, will reduce the GRA and C&C score to less than passing marks. When combined, all of the 4 scoring considerations will tally into a failing score for your test.

Writing Feedback / Explain some possible reasons and solutions for the issue of obesity - IELTS writing task 2 [3]

David, the main problem with your essay is that you began the discussion of the given topic in the opening paragraph instead of on the second paragraph. The first paragraph must always remain vague about the upcoming discussion as that is how the paraphrase requirement is best presented. Direct discussions may only be done in the first paragraph in the direct question essay of the Task 2 test. Unless you have a direct question essay, avoid beginning the discussion in the first paragraph because that paragraph is meant to test your ability to restate information in the English language.

When you discuss the body of paragraphs. Do not use a counting system of indicating your thoughts. This shows a weak sentence development ability because, rather than using transition sentences and topic sentences to showcase your English writing abilities, you are relying on an outline format for the discussion, which limits your ability to prove that you have the vocabulary and grammar skills to academically express yourself in English.

Avoid presenting long sentences. Do not use run-on sentences because there is a 3 sentence minimum requirement for each paragraph. By using run on sentences, you will automatically lower your GRA score as you do not properly show the examiner that you are able to write a mix of simple and complex sentences in each paragraph.

Basically, the reasoning in your essay is sound, but the execution is faulty. Unfortunately, your scores will be diminished by the formatting and sentence development mistakes. So you may not get an impressive score for this essay in the actual setting.

Graduate / Commercial Vehicle Technology Master of Science application at Technische Universität Kaiserslauter [2]

Balakrishnan, your letter is too autobiographical in content to be considered a motivational letter. A motivational letter is usually, no more than 5 paragraphs that explain your profession and academic reasons for requiring higher study. Your childhood experiences riding in various modes of transport, your undergraduate studies, and other irrelevant details do not belong in a motivational letter. There are only 3 questions you need to respond to in a motivational letter:

1. What is your current professional status that requires this higher study?
2. How will higher studies help you advance your career?
3. Why were you motivated to choose this university and this masters course to address your professional needs?

The last part of your essay that starts with "Being a Mechanical Engineer, I wanted to gain exposure in recent developments..." is a good place to start the revision. You may want to consider the above questions when you write your totally new motivational letter because, quite frankly, this current letter is all over the place and doesn't really focus on the motivational aspect of the requirement. Please do not use short cut terms such as "etc." in your letter. It is highly unprofessional and makes your writing sound extremely trivial and careless, even disinterested to a certain extent.

Writing Feedback / Smacking children is the best form of discipline. - IELTs writing task 2. [3]

Quang, this essay will receive an immediate failing score based on the prompt deviation that you created. The essay is an extent single opinion essay. It is not a cause and effect essay as you have discussed it discussed in your current writing. Compare the Discussion instruction with your response thesis statement:

Discussion question: To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Response Discussion: This essay will argue why using power over children is completely unnecessary.

In addition to this mistake, you also indicate "power" rather than "spanking" in describing the topic of the essay. "Power" is different from "spanking". Power means"ability to act or produce an effect". While spanking in this instance means "to hit with force to cause pain or injury". Do you see how you will immediately get a failing score in the TA and LR section for this essay? You need to familiarize yourself with more English words and its meaning, along with variations of word usage in terms of words that are spelled differently but have the same meaning. These are called synonyms. You need to improve in these 2 aspects before you can even begin to try and write the practice essays. As of now, this essay is not capable of garnering an even close to passing score because of the problems I mentioned.

Writing Feedback / A competition entry: An important person in history [2]

Loc, this essay indicates information that covers only the reason why this person became famous. It does not give an autobiographical representation of his life from early childhood. It also does not inform the reader as to why you admire the person. You gave general information about why he is admired, but no personal reason for your having chosen him for this essay as a personal inspiration. The personal inspiration aspect should be depicted in the essay via a comparison with your own life, values, and goals. It should reflect how he lived his life in a manner that inspired others to live in the same way. This does not accomplish the task of the essay in a very good manner. Like I said, you only responded to one aspect of the guide prompts so this is not an essay that be entered into the contest. The grammar is a bit confusing to read at times, but the reader can still figure out what you are trying to say. It is just too bad that it really doesn't allow the reader to get to know the general, in terms of why he inspired your choice. By the way, be careful of your capitalization. The term "general", when used in accordance with a name is always capitalized.

Writing Feedback / Help ! Ielts writing task 1 about the percentage of men and women regular exercise [2]

Dorothy, this analytical essay will receive an automatic failing score due to the lack of word count. You failed to meet the minimum word requirement of 150 words. The total count for your essay is only 129. When you do not meet the minimum word count, the essay will be considered as having failed to achieve the task requirements and is incomplete in terms of task accuracy considerations, Hence, the analytical report essay cannot receive a passing mark. In order to achieve this, you have to write at least 5 lines of sentences per paragraph in this 4 paragraph requirement essay. This can be achieved by doing the following:

1. Properly summarize the information in your first paragraph, inclusive of the discussion method, trending statement, and illustration type.
2. Make sure that you do the appropriate discussion using one paragraph to present the main data, another for comparison discussion, and the last one for any data similarities found in the chart.

Since this is a Task 1 analytical essay, only 4 paragraphs composed of 150 words, 200 at the most, is required. Writing 150 words will give you time to review, edit,revise, and finalize your content. 200 words won't allow for much editing time. Remember, clarity if more important than wordiness. If your essay makes sense to the examiner, then you have achieved your task.

Read the other samples here for more ideas and advice on how to improve your Task 1 writing skills.

Writing Feedback / Pollution and countries development - IELTS - Writing Task 2 [4]

Sil, I will not score you for your work on this essay at this time. The reason that I cannot score your essay is because you have not properly responded to the prompt question. This is an extent essay. That means you need to use emotional connotations for your response stemming from a range of emotional measurements like "strongly, weakly, partially, totally, moderately" and other descriptive words that you can attach to "agree or disagree". What you did in this essay is, you introduced a topic that included that isn't in the original prompt (health) and then you introduced a thesis statement that did not provide an extent singular opinion, which is what this sort of essay requires. If you decided to present a sentiment that mentioned the term "partially", then you could have done a 2 personal 2 opinion discussion. In this current form though, the essay is in prompt deviation mode. That means, you are not discussing the original prompt in the manner indicated. This will either receive a partial score which is not passing, or a full failing score because of it. That is why I do not want to score this essay. I want to give you another chance, using another topic for discussion but using the same discussion instruction, written properly, to present to me for scoring.

Scholarship / Study Objectives for Fulbright Scholarship - Artificial Intelligence w/ application in Aerospace [2]

Rizwan, I have to be blunt here and tell you that nothing in this study plan is applicable to the requirements of a Fulbright Scholarship Study Plan. For starters, the study plan is exactly that. A presentation of the topic you wish to focus on for your research as a MS student. This is written in the same manner as a college thesis proposal. That means, you need to indicate specific information such as:

1. What do you propose to do during your research? Does it have a justifiable professional relevance in your part?
2. Why is this project important or significant to you on a personal or professional basis?
3. Is there a specific university and university professor who inspired this research? Do you hope to work with that professor as a mentor?
4. What is the relevance of doing this study or research abroad? Make sure that you fully explain why you cannot do this research within your home country. Be convincing.

5. Don't forget to explain the methodology as part of the study plan. If you need to interview people or participants, explain how you plan to do this.

6. Where do you plan to conduct this research or study in the U.S.? How does this study help the US? Will it have an international impact by the end of your research?

7. How can your host community help you complete this project? Be specific about your timeline.
8. How will the research help your country benefit from the research or study?
9. What is your ultimate professional goal that will be enhanced by this research or study?
10. Explain how the available resources in the United States will help you achieve all these goals.

Think about your study plan long and hard. It must be intricate and complete within 2 pages. Expect the unexpected questions and respond to it. Review your statement with a fine tooth comb. Make sure all 10 points are addressed and you have not missed nor under explained or over explained any aspect. No exaggerations allowed. Just be academically and technically specific at all times.

Now, since you are an ESL student taking a masters degree in the US, part of the study plan, should include a discussion of how you plan to improve your English writing and speaking skills in the US. No, it should not be as trivial as attending English classes and speaking in English to classmates. You need to show a deeper interest in improving your language skills than that. Talk about engaging in community activities that will help you hone your language skills. Be socially active in the improvement of your English skills.

Scholarship / I dream to become an indigenous oil/gas expert in Nigeria Personal statement for ptdf scholarship [2]

Ugwu, your scholarship application becomes confusing to read because you do not apply the appropriate transition sentences from one university paragraph discussion to the next university paragraph discussion. So it is more difficult for the reader to keep track of the information in relation to the universities. Also, it appears that the scholarship application is asking you discuss only one course of study and study plan instead of 3 universities and 3 course which lack a solid study plan for each. Your reference to being the 7th in your family is irrelevant as is your closing paragraph about being a 30 year old. Now, since we are not privy to what questions might be asked of you during the interview process, if, you make it past the screening stage that is, we cannot help you prepare possible responses based on this essay. Specially since the essay does not fall in line with the prompt requirements in the proper manner. I suggest you wait to get past the screening stage, before you even try to prepare for the actual interview. You may receive some instructions to help you prepare for the interview, as most scholarship interviewees tend to receive in preparation for the final stage (interview) of consideration.

If I were to hazard a guess, you might be asked to clarify why you want to obtain this scholarship. Your response is not appropriate nor really applicable as a possible response. Your response is very weak. So, if you have some other documents that might help you get considered for the scholarship, the interviewer might ask you to expand upon that response along with a more solid study plan and definite university choice.

Graduate / MSc Sports Technology in Germany - My motivation for this pursuing this degree [4]

Ryan, based on the essay that you wrote and the uncertainty of your response to Silvia, it is obvious that you need to redirect the essay to respond to the 3 most basic elements required of a motivational letter. The motivational letter has a 3 point purpose. The purposes are:

1. To show an academic need on your part for higher study;
2. To prove a professional purpose or goal for your intensified training in this field
3. To explain the integration of the academic and professional learning reasons in your future career development.

While your essay informs the reviewer. It remains vague in terms of the 3 important and required aspects. You need to prove that you have a future career path in mind, whether that is the actual path you want to take or not, as part of your motivational letter. Only people with significant career purposes get considered for admission because these are people who the reviewer sees as having a definite need for professional development through academic achievement. Right now, your motivational letter, which by the way is in the correct format, does not show that purpose.

Show that you are a determined professional by explaining what is it about your current profession that motivated you towards higher learning. What academic goals do you hope to achieve? How does that relate to your professional development or change in career path (if ever that is your purpose). Your letter is so long, but not really informative in the required manner.

While this is called a motivation letter, it should follow the presentation of an essay. It does not really require an opening and closing salutation since you do not know whom to address the letter to. Sticking to the basic essay format for the presentation will not hurt. Now, if you know specifically where to address the letter, then go ahead an use the letter format. Otherwise, the essay format is acceptable to all reviewers.

In response to your use of the word "The" in reference to the university, since you are connecting the name of the university to a previous statement, the use of the connecting word "the" is a required part of proper written grammar presentation. So you were right to do that.

Writing Feedback / Looking for more other measures (than petrol price) to resolve problems with traffic and pollution [2]

Dung, this is an extent essay. So you need to provide a response that has an emotional extent to your disagreement to the proposed discussion. Saying, "I am strongly in disagreement" would have been the more appropriate response to the question which, by the way, you neglected to respond to in your opening statement because your whole essay focused only on the measures to be taken, aside from raising the price of gasoline, in the essay. You also showed a lack of grammar control as you misspelled certain words in your essay such as "Incresing" (Increasing). That will definitely be a mark down in your LR score. If you can't spell it, then you should not use the word. This is not the time to guess how to spell an English word. If need be, use only simple English words to express yourself. You will be scored accordingly. Don't try to use words that you do not know how to spell or perhaps, are unsure of the proper definition of the word because those are the 2 mistakes that can cost you the most in terms of points deductions. At this point though, this essay will not pass in an actual test setting anyway since your response was tangential. That means, you did not totally respond to the question. Instead, you focused only on one part of a 2 part discussion essay.

Writing Feedback / An ongoing discourse on whether children playing computer games is inherently a bad thing or not [3]

Martin, there are two mistakes that you made in this essay response. The first mistake, is that you beat around the bush so much in your opening paraphrase that you completely forgot to give a direct response to the prompt. A more appropriate presentation for your response would have been as follows:

There is a question as to whether children do not appropriately use their time when they play video games. That is why some people believe that children should be prevented from undertaking the said activity. In this essay, I will discuss my disagreement with this point of view using information coming from my personal point of view.

An additional problem with your opening statement is that you altered the original prompt, causing you discuss a prompt deviation in the last paragraph of the essay when you stated,


Since this is an unwarranted, meaning unrequired opinion in the essay, it created a change in discussion points, which would have a lowering effect on your overall score in an actual test.

The second mistake that you made was that you did not create a summary conclusion of information for your statement in the last paragraph. Instead, you continued to discuss the topic, even touching on the prompt deviation in some instances in the closing paragraph. This created an open ended rather than concluded discussion of the topic with the latter being the preferred presentation for this particular paragraph.

What did you do right then? You discussed the essay from a single point of view that used personal knowledge and experience to strengthen your presentation. That was required of your written work and you managed to deliver that in the 3 body paragraphs. Next time, pay closer attention to your opening and closing presentations. Make sure that you provide the required elements in these sections in order to increase your scoring consideration.

Writing Feedback / It is argued that the attainment of goals is often determined by the factor of fortune. [3]

Lưỡng, this essay does not follow the prompt discussion indications. This is a single opinion "extent" essay. It is not a comparison point of view discussion. Based on your misunderstanding of the prompt instructions, you will only get a partial score for the TA section, which will result in a failing grade overall, even if the remaining 3 scoring considerations are given an average score. Unless the essay specifically indicates, "Discuss both points of view", the essays are always written in a single point of view format. This is an emotional extent essay whose response, as part of the thesis sentence should have been something along the lines of:

I strongly...
I partially...
I half heartedly...

The above descriptors are only some of the possible emotional extent responses you could have used. A complete listing of these emotional responses can be found using an online search. I urge you to get familiar with the terms you can use in your next extent essay.

I believe that you are still unfamiliar with the various writing styles meant for various IELTS opinion essay discussions. It would be in your best interest to first familiarize yourself with the writing styles and how to execute the instructions before you proceed with any more practice tests. There are countless IELTS Task 2 essays posted here at EF that you can learn from. Read them and learn from the advice given to those who took the test before you. That is the best way for you to learn how to respond to the essay questions at this point.

Writing Feedback / "How does the increase in the availability of information influence life in today's world?" [3]

Peter, the essay you wrote remained on target throughout most of your presentation. The positive and negative effects of the internet on the lives of people, focusing solely on information dissemination is good. However, it created a one sided essay that did not look into the other aspects of the internet effects on the lives of the public. For example, you could have discussed how the internet connected people via social media, but disconnected them as well because they no longer need to physically interact with people. In essence, this sort of question begs the writer to use a compare and contrast essay writing style in order to create a more informative and balanced presentation.

The paragraphs are within the allowable limits with regards to the sentences. However, you have presented run on sentences in every paragraph because you kept using commas to connect what should have been separate idea discussions by trying to merge them into one sentence. While this may have served your purpose, it created confusing presentations that were difficult to follow topic wise and prevented you from creating coherent sentences. This made the cohesiveness of your paragraphs an issue as well.

There is a difference between showcasing your advanced sentence development abilities, showcasing proper and complex usage of sentence structures with an impressive vocabulary when compared to what you developed, which are simple sentence presentations and adequate vocabulary skills presented in a misguided attempt to show off your intermediate and little edited English writing skills.

Your concluding statement, by indicating


created a prompt deviation. That is because the original discussion instruction required you to explain


. When you create an altered prompt statement, you will find yourself getting major points deductions because you changed the discussion theme towards the end or sometimes, at the beginning of the essay.

These are the reasons why, even though your essay is strong in terms of content and information, it failed to make the proper impression in terms of presentation and discussion clarity.