Writing Feedback / The bar chart below shows the production of the world's oil in OPEC and non-OPEC [5]


Well, it is better that you have these parts separated in your essay - Introduction, Overview and the Body Parts. Accordingly, the second sentence of the above should move into the overview section. In the introduction, you should introduce the image presentation. In the overview, describe the main observations and trends very briefly. Do not have details there like figures and other data. They should go to the detailed paras.

Writing Feedback / 'food concession' - Give recommendation base on information of graphs [4]


What file? We don't find any file :(
If you want to attach a file , use the "Attach file(s) " feature in the message block for uploading it.
As requested by my client who wants to open a food concession stand at the stadiums , I madedid a research on the two graphs which illustrate the number of games and attendances in six stadiums. There is remarkable that Argonauts stadium has the highest attendance per game at 20000 people.

Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 : Housing and accommodation has become a major problem in many countries [2]


Undoubtedly, the house is a primary need that provides us shelter to protect ourselves from hot sun and rain.
It is nicer when your hook (the opening sentence) is shorter. The hook needs to be catchy , interesting, meaningful and relevant to your topic.
It becomes a serious concern knowing the fact that a huge number of inhabitantsmany people cannot afford the accomodation.a house.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: 'career preparation' - reasons why people attend to schools [6]

Most of us go toattend college or university to getreceive higher education after graduating from high school. Each human is unique and so does histheir reasons for going to college.that decision.

I like if you chose the second sentence as your hook. Here we go;
Each individual is very unique and so does his or her reasons for pursuing higher studies after high school graduation.

Writing Feedback / some people believe that college student should consider only their own talents [4]

Well ... it is difficult for us to understand the purpose of writing this essay. Is this for practicing for IELTS? of TOEFL? You should mention the reason in title itself so that we exactly know about that and provide you with more meaningful and task related comments.


This suggests as if you are preparing for IELTS integrated Writing Task. Is that so?. :d

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Technology helps student learn more information and learn more quickly? [7]

In education, it is believed that technology helpsthe students improve their scholastic performances.
From my viewpoint, the richness as well as convenience of technology are two main factors that contributes to the students' progress in a large way.

To start with, since technology was introduced, students have been exposed to a wide range of information, which neccessarily broaden their minds.

Writing Feedback / Some people say that success is "10 percent talent and 90 percent hard work" [4]

Well, it is always good to post your essay prompt in full in the text block together with the essay. Then we would know what it exactly requires form you. Just mentioning it in the title is not really adequate for others to provide you with more meaningful comments.

People are God-givenwith god given talent ought to think they are very lucky.
You need to pay lots of attention to your grammar.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing 2 : Solutions to low-cost airlines' enviromental damage [3]

In recent times, travelling by plane , air has become more affordable thanks to the dramatical decrease in airlines pricesdramatic decline in airfare prices. This (no semicolon) however, leads to the issue of enviromental pollution as planesair travel burn fossil fuels at a higher rate than any other form of transport. It seems to me that both governments and individuals have roles to play in this situationprotecting environment from this issue.This essay will outline some solutions to this problem and evaluate their potential effectiveness.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Customs and behaviours followed by tourists or host should welcome. [8]


Ok .... the first thing I want to ask you is to include the prompt in the post. It helps us get an understanding about what it really requires from you :) It is anyway difficult to provide you with meaningful comments when we do not understand the prompt fully :(

ForIn my understanding, tourism can be an excellent mood of cultural exchangeunderstanding between both sides.the hosts and guests.

Writing Feedback / Nowadays, making a decision is extremely difficult compare with the past [3]

Nowadays, making a decision is extremely difficult compared with the past. People live in digital- ageda digital world today which changes all aspects of the entire our life.(no comma)Thereforeso we should use a new way for making a decision. I completely agree that people should never make a vital decision by themselves.

Well, I think you are going completely out of topic here. You do not introduce your topic in its real sence :(

Writing Feedback / [IELTS TASK 2] Children's engagement in paid work. Right or wrong? [11]

Well, in the intro, you support one side of the issue. So, I believe it is easier and more effective for you to keep justifying that side of the argument in your body paras. Then it helps reader to be convinced as to why you think that way. Talking about both sides can be waste of time in convincing the reader about your opinion unless your prompt asks you to discuss both views.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: I highly recommend authorities to raise the age to leave school to 18 [7]

I have an admin request - It is good if you include your prompt in the post for us to get a better understanding about it and help you write an essay that fulfills its requirements. That helps you earn more meaningful feedbacks from others too :)

To takeTake the UK, for example. (stop here) earlyEarly school leavers often find it difficult to get a job due to their lack of basic knowledge and practical skills needed in the workplace.by the job.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL -advices from senior people are more valuable than from people at our age [5]

Well .... it is important that you include your prompt in the post for us to get a better understanding about it and help you write an essay that fulfills its requirements. Next time please include the prompt :)

There is no doubtsdoubt(or - there are no doubts) that advices advice aregiven by other people is very powerful and helpful.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Talent is one of the awesome things in the world [6]


.... more and better are comparative nouns and one makes the other redundant. So you should have one of them only in a sentence.
Some people suggest that talents isare a gift from god (no full stop) while others disagree and believe that looking deeply into each others and you can find different gifts, it need only develops.

The latter part makes the reader confused. I really do not get any meaningful idea from that :(

Writing Feedback / IELTS 2- insufficient respect is shown to older people [4]

Broadly speaking, the younger people have to respect the older one.people


This habit of respecting the elderly people is encouraged by almost every culture.
Today, however, the essence of this respect feeling seems likely to decline.to be declining.


.... Well, here you have a few issues - vocabulary is not appropriate, less clarity etc. Give more prominence to your reasoning;
One of the main reason why young people are less respectful towards the elders is that the influence of the TV programs that are more commercial based.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Equivalent number of two genders in terms of university's learning [2]


This sentence is too very long. Longer the sentence, less its clarity would be. Also, the reader is required to rmember so many details when the sentences are longer and that makes him bored. Write shorter sentences and enhance clarity of your sentences.

The most important reason why universities should allow equal number of male and female students forin every subjectcourse they offer is that, living in the world of freedom, students deserve the rights to choose their wishful majors so as to pursue their dreams, beautify their communities or simply exploit the best of their potentials.

Writing Feedback / IELTS ESSAY: Computers - What things will they be used for in the future? [8]

Although, computers made our life easy but it has tendency to get easily effectedaffected by viruses which may cause of major damagesto the data that are stored in them.


....very clever idea. I like to present it a bit differently;
First of all, computers help us save our time while maintaining the environment green with its ability to support paperless working.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - Modern values; social status and material possessions [8]

It is obvious that our values and preferences change over flowingwith time. In the past- values such like honour or trust were the most important virtues of a person that defines his worthinessif it comes to person's worth . Today some people say that most of us look for more materialistic 'values'. But is it really so true and common?

Generally, it is recommended that you express your own opinion straight away in the last line of your intro for this particular task.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: "With the rise in popularity of the internet, newspapers will gone" [2]

I totallutotally disagree with that opinion, because newspapers still have many benefits.
Presses are usually published by official organizations which represent for publicare better regulated.


Therefore they are made more responsible for safeguarding the integrity of news that they publish.

Writing Feedback / Ielts: Teacher is the best option for children's education in some aspects. [5]

As far as I am concerned, I agree with the view that the teacher is the best option for children's education in some aspects.


This is very well written. You have justified your opinion here with a good reason. However, you should support that justification with a specific example. Overall, you have very good writing skills and can aim for a good score.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing: Number of phone services in US - line graph essay [3]

By contrast , consumers of residential services dropped slightly to just under $700.
I think you have followed the most appropriate approach for this task. Pay attention to eddies comments to improve your writing further. Overall, I think you have responded to this task very well :)

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Increased life expectancy has many implications on society and individual [3]


Very good start :)
However, increased life expectancy has many implications for aging individuals and for society as a whole.at large.


This is not really required to mention. I think it does not contribute any value addition to your essay and instead it tends to disturb your flow. You write very well - good grammar, vocabulary etc. :)

Writing Feedback / The major aspects of a society can be studied by studying only the main cities [2]

It is good if you included your full prompt in the post so that we can have a better understanding about what it exactly requires from you. Also, include the purpose of your writing this essay in the title itself. For example - IELTS, TOEFL

A society ismeantmeans the people of a country or a community taken as a whole . ... OR
What is meant by the term of Society is that the people of a country or a community taken as a whole.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Office and technology / young people working - introduction paragraph [10]


Well, you seem to be repeating a little bit of the first sentence in the second one. It is good to avoid that. This is what I suggest;

Technology gets people to change their lifestyles. This is very evident with advanced communication technological solutions that have caused a decline in the need for people commuting to their workplaces.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - The largest percentage of land transports is recorded by the private cars [4]


I feel you need to present this more clearly. Pay attention to what others have suggested. Write simple and short sentences that help you enhance clarity of your ideas.

Follow the approach of Introduction, Overview and Detailed Paras. It is the best way you can tackle this task to gain a good score. In the intro, introduce the image presentation clearly. In the Overview, present the main trends/ observations. In the detailed paras expand your observations with the help of statistics and figures.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: why do people attend college; 'it offers much more than life preparation' [4]


.... a primitive choice? I feel you have chosen a wrong word there? Or what do you try to mean by that?
College or university is an important choice for many students nowadays.

For them, college is a crucial step intothat decides the success of their future life which providesby providing them with many opportunities in life and each of them has different reasons to attend the college

Start a new line to tell the second idea;
However, each student has his own different reasons for attending college.

Writing Feedback / Ielts ; Why more people are traveling than ever before? [3]


Well, there is a controversy here :( I believe the cost of travelling is now getting lower compared to early days as now there are many cheaper options in terms of budget transportation and accommodation. Many airlines and hotel offer very competitive deals to the travelers to safeguard their marketshare.


It is nicer when you conclude your intro with a sentence that clearly state your own opinion on the issue. The above line sounds a bit vague and it is not informing anything interesting to the reader.

Grammar, Usage / Grammatical errors in this sentence [15]

It is not very clear what you expect us to do and I assume that you want our help to check your grammar on this sentence .... yes, it needs some corrections;

I have complitedcompleted my schooling from msbt (this I don't understand :( ... what do you mean?). i got schoolarshipI received a scholarship in the11th standard.8th and 9th std certified mts exam ...

Again, the last part is pretty confusing :( For what purpose you got this scholarship?

Writing Feedback / 'I like football and music' - ESSAY on my HOBBIES [5]

Today, I will write about the interests of mine. I very like football very much(no comma) and also listening to music. I always listen to music online, because I usually online working on my computeram doing an online job. I like eating meat, fish and drinking coffee. I like stuffingsurfing on the Internet, and writtenwriting blogs on technical subjects., it about technical.

Writing Feedback / Own encouragement, own motivation to get you to the point of graduation. [2]

Going back to college was a difficult decision for me to make. For almost six years I went back and forth with the idea of going back to schoolresuming my education and starting all over again.


I often contemplated on the money that I would be investing on furthering my education and wondered whether it would be worthwhile.


Between these two sentences, you need to establish a better link. Your flow breaks here.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Online learning or real school? Provide your opinion. [5]


The reader anyway expects you to do this. I think your essay reads better without this sentence.
You have excellent writing skills - Very good grammar, vocabulary, ideas, coherence :) I think you can aim at a flying score :)
By the way, have you managed time well? Were you able to finish the task on time? If not keep practicing with time following one particular essay approach and that would help you greatly to improve your time management :)

Writing Feedback / TOEFL IBt Integrated task - decreasing number of sea otter (western coast of US) [2]

However, the lecturer rebuts the author's reasons and asserts that attacks by predators is the most important reasons for that issue.
.... well, I think it should be the most important reason, isn't that so?
First, according to the passage,asserts that oil rigs and industrial chemical resources, based on water sample evidences, are the causes tofor the decline in the number of sea otters.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Working/Traveling between finishing school and starting university? [8]


May be there are some students who do not enjoy any leisure and look forward to completing their studies. This is actually the issue in this essay and therefore it is important that you stay with your topic.

Firstly, working at young age introduces youngthemwith the real world to the young people.
You write well... I like if you included more specific examples to support your reasons.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] A large factory built near community. Pros and cons? Your position? [6]

I hope you pay more attention to what Ahmad has pointed out in his first comment. The introduction of this task requires you to introduce your topic to the reader. Therefore you should not assume that the reader is aware of it. Introduce the topic first and then state your opinion to the reader :)

To begin with, the community may benefit from improved living standards once the factory is built. People arewould be provided with paid jobsmore job opportunities, which reduce the unemployment rate and contribute to the regional economy.

Writing Feedback / It is inevitable that as technology develops traditional culture must be lost. [2]

Although lots of people claim that technology and traditions are not compatable,compatible with each other many experts believe that they can co-exist in peace and harmony.


Ok, what is your opinion about it? Your prompt asks you;


So you better express it before you conclude the introduction.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: What are the benefits and problems brought by international corporation? [8]


I agree with SalMon - yes, you have excellent writing skills - grammar, vocabulary, ideas ... everything seems perfect... How about managing time? Have you been able to finish it on time? Since this task is time bound, get hold of a good structure that you can keep following for most of your essays. Make sure all your points are supported by specific examples.

Writing Feedback / International aid is a must but also it is required to operate in the right way [4]

In the aids, donated by rich countrycountries to the poor countrycountries, we can feel pity and mercy as well as selfishness.


You need to present your ideas more clearly to the reader in the introduction as it is intended for introducing your topic to the reader. Do not present your ideas in too complex sentences. Is this essay written for IELTS or TOEFL?

Writing Feedback / Topic: Describe learning something from a friend. [4]


I like if you split this sentence into two. Also, the third reason is not very clearly presented;
We have known each other for over six years and she has been an inspirational friend to me from whom I learned some valuable lessons for life. She taught me the importance of being passionate about education, how to face frustration courageously and ??????

Writing Feedback / College graduates find hard to get good jobs [5]

In today's fierce competition, the labor market has become more challenging for recent college graduates. Some people believe that, the rising of college gradlevel of unemployment due to lack of employment opportunities. Companies asjobsproviders do not need to recruit more workers due to the advance of technology.

Well... what is the purpose of writing this essay ? Is this for a college application? Or for IELTS? TOEFL?
It is important for us to know why you wrote this essay in order to provide you with more meaningful answers.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: The private motor vehicle improved individual freedom; but it's expensive [6]


Well, you have not presented this sentence in an impressive manner. This is your hook statement and therefore it needs to be more catchy, interesting, meaningful and relevant to your topic. This is what I would suggest;

In the modern world, private vehicles are one of the main contributors that enhance the quality of living standards of people.