Writing Feedback / Solutions and cause of the loss of bio-deversity [3]

Influence of human beings on the world's ecosystem is leading to the extinction of species and loss of bio-diversity.

What are the primary causes of loss of bio-diversity?

What solutions can you suggest?

The diversity of bio-organisms and animal species is an essential part of our nature and environment. Nowadays, because of the human's influence on the world's ecosystems, many animals and plants are facing extinction. Proceses like deforestation and the Climate changes are the main causers of the lost of bio-diversity. With that said, it is still not late for the humanity to take actions and find a solution, which can tackle this problem.

Since the beginning of the 20-th century, we live in the era of industrialization. As we continue to burn fossil and polute the environment, many animals will to loose their natural habitats. For example, due to the rising tempreatures at the North Pole, caused by the Global Warming, the ice there continues to melt and makes it impossible for the white bear to survive. Furthermore, nowadays many animals struggle to adapt in this fast changing environment created by the human's actions.

On the other hand, the recent improvements in most of the technological areas provide us with numerous oppotunities to solve the problem. If we as a kind, succeed in creating a renewable and clean energy, we can definitely take control of the climate changes. Moreover, we can diminish the problem with the deforestation and even begin to plant more trees, with which we can preserve the natural animal habitats. In addition to this, everybody can start to recycle their wasted products and use the internet to check the news instead of buying newspapers, which can save a lot of energy and stop the mass cuts of trees.

In conclusion, i think that the humanity still have a chance to save and rescue many animal species of extinction. But in order to do that, we should transform our societies into more enviromentally friendly and cautions one's

Writing Feedback / Ielts task 1 - Graphs comparing the male and female employment status [2]

The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the republic of Freedonia.

Overall, i struggle a lot writing this report and i think there are a lot of noticeable mistakes - especially with the preposition usage and also at tymes it sounded repeatable. I am really concern about this sentence - "The same pattern was observed in the finance sector, where in just 20 years, 5 tymes more girls were occupated, while the number of men diminished again, this time by approximately 80 people." - i think it sounds quite stannge and confusing and i will appreciate every suggestion how to rewrite it.

The graphs reveal the information in regard to the number of men and women occupated in 6 different job sectors of the republic of Freedonia. The provided information is about the period between 1975 and 1995. Overall, most of the males worked at the public(non-defence) sector, while the prevalent part of the females were occupated at the wholesale and retail trade area.

The number of girls, who worked in the public(defence) sector increased significantly throughout the given period, whereas less men were employed in the same business area in 1995 than 20 years ago. The same pattern was observed in the finance sector, where in just 20 years, 5 tymes more girls were occupated, while the number of men diminished again, this time by approximately 80 people. The amount of males and females employed in the manufacturing stayed the same during the given period, as nearly 300 women worked there, while the men occupated there were twice as much.

In the wholesale sector, in 1995 the women employed in this area were outnumbered by the men, due to the dramatic increase experienced in the amount of women occupated in this working area. The figure of the females at the communication sector fall by roughtly 300, whereas the number of men employed in this has not changed, from the rates observed in 1975. The men and women occupated in the non-defence public sector remained the same and they were numbered respectively, 850 and 650.

Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 2 - Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. [2]

I know most of the points presented in the essay are not very logical, but that is not the main problem - I think especially in this essay the word usage and the logical connections between the sentences is not very good.

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction.

Do you agree or disagree?

Provide relevant examples if necessary.

In today's society the huge salary is a symbol of prestige and happiness. Even though, nowadays many people maintain the statement, that the big salary is the most imporrant thing in everyone's job, i think the satisfaction of your work is much more valuable. The main reasons supporting my statement are that, you can not buy yourself happiness, alongside that the feeling of achieving something that no one believed it was possible is incomparable to any tangible good.

Most of the people nowadays, spend 8 or more hours in their workplaces every single day. Basically, we work during 1/3 of our lives and we can not afford to exchange our hapiness, for just more money. Moreover, you can not buy back these 8 hours, even with the highest salary in the world and that is why people should focus on finding job that makes them happy and satisfied from their lives rather than working on something that is boring and depressing, just because of the better salary. With that said, many people prefer to spend a significant amount of their lives, complaining about their dissatified and not valuable workplace, rather than changing the environment in order to find a job corresponding to their real targets and dreams.

We all know that, the happiest moments in our lives, were when we have achieved something that nobody else believed it is even possible. That feeling of relish and proudness could not have been bought even with all of the money in the world. Furthermore, at the end of our lives we will remember just the experiences, which have evoked pleasant and therilling feelings into our minds and regret the time we have spent working for material goods, which at the end of the day are just useless tools. In addition to this, the satisfaction of achieving something valuable in our jobs makes us better people and build the foundations of one better and brighter future for us and our families.

In conclusion, i think that, even though the huge salary can bring some positives into our lives, the satisfaction of our jobs should be the primary reason for choosing our work places. This satisfaction effects your whole life and exerts a huge influence on your future success

Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 1 -The graph reveals the information in regard to the ownership [2]

The graph reveals the information in regard to the ownership rates of both, mobile phones and landlines in seven countries. Overall, the mobile phones were in greated proportion in four of the countries, whereas the landlines were more commonly used in 3 of them.

In Canada, approximately 62 of every 100 people have used landlines, while the number of mobile users was significantly lower. The difference between the amount of mobile phones and alndlines in US was to the Canada's, although the proportions of the both methods of communication were slightly bigger. The highest number of landline users was experienced in Denmark, where more than 85 people per every 100 had a landline.

In Italy was observed the biggest gap between the number of people who have mobile phones and landlines. About 40% of the people had landlines, whereas more than twice as much were the owners of mobile phones. In contrast to Italy, in Germany the difference was not as significant and 70% percent of the german residents owned a mobile phone, while about 60% of them had a landline. In both Sweden and UK around 85 % of the inhabitans used mobile phones, while the usage of landlines was dramatically lower - close to 60% in Uk and nearly 70 in Sweden.

Writing Feedback / According to many, women are much better in taking care of children, than men [2]

Many people believe that women make better parents than men and that is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting.

Nowadays, the raising of children is one of the most essential skills, that every parent should acquire. According to many people, women are much better in taking care of childen than the men, while others argue that men's abillities in bringing up children are as good, if not better than the women's. In my opinion, the females are able to establish better conection with their children and tend to spend more time with them, that is why for me they are the better parents overall.

We all know that the raising of children requires a lot of time and intense concentration. In contrast to the men, who are getting distracted way too easily, the women tend to focus better on their daily tasks and duties. Moreover, most of the females nowadays, have a lot of free time, which they usually devote to their children, something that cannot be sair about the males, who are always busy pursuing thair own goals and dreams. Furthermore, it seems like many women actually enjoy spending their leisure time playing or caring for their children, whereas the men find the time carying for their children like more of a chore than a pleasure.

Children always need to feel like they are loved by their parents, just as they need a shoulder to cry on, when the plans, are not going in the intendet direction. For most of us, it is not a secret that, the children feel more comfortable and confident in their mather's presense. Whether, because they express

their emotions better or due to the fact, they show more kindness and understanding to their kids, most of the kids will always favour their mothers. In addition to this, the time spend with their mother, is found to be more excithing and interesting for the majority of the children.

The raising of children is a complex process and requires a lot of time and money, but at the end of the day is all worth it. I think that, even though the men should play an important role in this process, overall the women are better parents, because their love and mother's instincts are the most valuable thing for every child.

Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 2 - Safety standards are important when building people's homes. [2]

First, I think that i have made several mistakes(grammatical) and with the word usage. My questions are - If my ideas are well developed, because i feel like, i have gone out of the topic way too often. Also, i think that my sentences are not created in the right way(not in the way that native speaker will write them). Thank you in advance!

Safety standards are important when building people's homes. Who should be responsible for enforcing strict building codes - the government or the people who build the homes?

In the last couple of years, we haev experienced several devastating tradegies involving building, which did not correspond to the safety standards. The question, who should take the responsibility for creating strict and reasonable build codes, however is causing some tension in the society. In my opinion, the building companies have to take the responsibility, since they have the full control of the building process, while the government need to set strict building rules in order to guarantee the safety livings of the citizens.

With the increasing searching for new homes in the last few years, building companies are developing faster and cheaper ways to build new houses and flats. All of that, brings additional profits to this companies, but on the other side sometimes they tend to overlook the safety standards. Since, they have the full control of the building process, from the very start to the end, they have the responsibility for our health and they should ensure our safety living. Moreover, their engineers and architects know every single detail of the buildings, so they should know what are they risks and how to protect us from them.

Even though, the governments have limited control on the building process, the still can influence the building companies. First, by imposing huge fines and strict rules, they are able to guarantee the safety living of the population. Furthermore, their first duty is to protect their citizens and provide a safety and reliable environment for them. In addition to this, as they give the rights whether one company is capable of executing building actions, they have the responsibility to choose the best and most reliable companies for our future and safety,

In conclusion, I think that both sides should step up and take the responsibility for our health. On one hand the building companies have the resources and the knowledge to keep our homes in good conditions, while on the other hand the governments have the power to control and monitor the building processes.

Writing Feedback / The line graph provides the information about the number of people who visit Australia [2]

The line graph below shows the number of annual visits to Australia by overseas residents. The table below gives information on the country of origin where the visitors came from.

My biggest problem druting the writing was to combine the overview information for the table and the graph, as i was not able to combien the two sentences. I will appreciate, if you give me suggestion how to do it and how is my try.

ielts-mentor/writing-sample/academic-writing-task-1/94-academic-ielts-writing-task-1-sample-6-number-of-annual-visits-to-australia-by-overseas-residents

The line graph provides the information about the number of people who visited Australia in the period between 1975 and 2005, while the table specifies on the nationality of the tourists. It is clear to see that, the number of visits by overseas residents increased significantly throughout the given period, as for the background of the tourists - an uplifting trends were observed in every single country listen in the table.

In 1975, Australia was visited by 1- million overseas residents. During the following 10 years, a went up by 50% was observed in the people attending Australia. The increasing trend continue and approximately 24 million tourists visited the country, but the peak in the number of visitors was experienced in 2005, when the amount of tourists skyrocketed, as more than 30 million people visited the country.

During 1975, the greatest proportion of tourists was the Japan's, closely followed by the South Korea's. proportion. Both Europe's and Britain's proportions were of about 1 million, whereas the number of visitors from USA and China was of respectively, 04 and 0,3 million. In 2005, the biggest exceed was experienced by Japan's proportion, as it went up by nearly 4 times compared to its preceded rates. Another major increases were observed by the figures of South Korea and Europe, while the uplifts in China, USA and Britain were not as significant.

Writing Feedback / Higher fuel price to solve the ever-increasing environmental hazards throughout the world [2]

To solve the ever-increasing environmental hazards throughout the world, the best way is to increase the price of fuel.

What is your opinion on the above assumption?

Plagiarized paragraphs removed.

Recently, many institutions have showed a signs of interest in investing in alternative and environmentally-friendly energetic sources. An increase in the fuel's prices will provide additional incentives and better profit prospects for these companies, as everyone will have to search for alternatives of the traditional fuels. Furthermore, corporations which rely for more than the 50% of air pollution will have to cut their expenditures and expect lower margins, if they decide to stick with fuels, like coat and oil.

In conclusion, i think that nowadays we are developed enough to completely replace the traditional polluting fuels and we only need to provide the business world with the right incentives in order to make the world cleaner and safer place. In my opinion, the increase in the fuel's prices is the most appropriate measure available and can really change human's future.

Writing Feedback / Ielts2 - In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment [2]

In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment.
What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it?

After the economyc crysis in 2008, many countries are experiencing difficulties in the economic sector. Nowadays, in many parts of the world numerous students are facing problems finding themselves an approtiate job after the end of their university education. In my opinion, the lack of research before choosing an university degree, as well as the increasing value of experience are the main factors contributing to this problem.

After graduation school, many students have no idea what to do with their lives. That leads to the moment, when many of them choose to apply for the most popular degrees at the moment, rather than seach for those, which will be valuable and successful for the future. That said, after 5 years of university education, the prevalent part of them realized that they have applied for a degree without proper perspectives for finding a well-paid job. Moreover, in tough economic environment like today's, many employers prefer to not take any risks, and do not assign people without sufficient experience in the job area.

If we want to tackle this problem, we should educate our children that what is popular and in demand today, can be out of date tomorrow. Students need to have a vision for the future and apply for degrees that are likely to bring them success in long term. Furthermore, they need to find ways to implement and test the learned material into the real world. It is essential for the students to have experience "on the field" and they should be foster by the government to participate in work programs or spend time in a company thorugh different interships.

In conclusion, I think that nowadays, the whole process of choosing an university degree is completely wrong. The government and school authorities should provide assistance and incentives to people from the younger generations for choosing degrees, which are going to be valuable and popular in the long-term.

Writing Feedback / Ielts task 1 - Information about the sales during an ordinary October week at a small restaurant [2]

the Profit of a restaurant in October

Information about the sales during an ordinary October week at a small restaurant is presented in the following table.

It is clear that the revenues during the dinners were significantly greater than at the lunches. The highest sales for the dinners were experienced on Fryday, whereas the highest profit during the lunches was observed on Wednesday.

On Monday, the sales at lunch were for 2400$, while the dinner revenue was of approximately 3600$. The sale volumes for both dinner and lunch went up in the following day. The upward trend continue in the lunch's revenue on Wednesday, while a decrease was observed in the sales for the dinner in that day.

The sale volumes for lunch on Thursday witnessed diminished, but then on Friday they went up again. In contrast, the dinner's revenue uplifted on Thursday and they the revenue skyrocketed on the next day, as sales for more than 4300$ were observed during that day. At the weekend the revenues for both types decreased dramatically, as on Sunday they hit their lowest points 1550$ and 2450$, resprectevely for the lunch and dinner.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - Compare the merits and demerits of having a car. [2]

Some people claim that there are more disadvantages of the car than its advantages. Do you agree or disagree? Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of having a car.

And just one additional question. Did I use more linking words like "however", "In conclusion" - than I should

on the wheels

Nowadays, many people state that cars bring more positives rather than negatives, whilst others disagree and think that the disadvantages from motor vehicles, such as cars are significantly more. This essay argues that the advantages from cars outweigh the drawbacks. The principle advantage of cars is the convenience of the transportation, whereas the main drawback is that automobiles are the main cause of the air pollution.

Cars are the easiest and cheapest mean for traveling from place to place. Nearly everybody on the planet can travel wherever he wants due to the very well developed infrastructure in the most regions of the world. Moreover, the travel by cars is considerably cheaper compared to the other means of transportation. For example, according to a research conducted by Harvard university, in every major European city, the traveling with a car is three to seven times cheaper than the travel with public transport. As a result, cars make our lives dramatically more convenient and affordable.

However, it is worth noticing that motor vehicles including cars are culpable for the increasing air pollution. In addition to this, exhaust gasses emitted by cars has caused Global Worming, as well as they are the main ingredients for creating smog. Because of this, many governments have imposed strict rules for the usage of cars and have restricted the entrance of many automobiles into the city centers. On the other hand, science offers a solution to this problem, as in the last few years many car manufacturers introduced many electric and non-polluting motor vehicles.

In conclusion, the disadvantages of cars are clearly overshadowed by the benefits. Therefore, having weighed up the pros and cons and as a concomitant, of the recent innovations in the car industry, I am convinced that cars should continue to be used.

Writing Feedback / Introductions and Overviews IELTS [3]

starting and finishing IELTS essays

Well, in the last few days, I have found that I have problems with my Introduction paragraphs in my writing task 2 and I have difficulties with the overview in writing task 1. Now I am going to share some of them with you and I am hoping that you will be able to give me some suggestions how to improve them.

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Over the given period, In Yemen, the proportion of people aged 0-14 will drop significantly, as the share of the population by the age between 14-59 will increase dramatically. The opposite trend will be experienced in Italy, where the share of the mid-age group is going to diminish, whereas the proportion of people aged 60+ will nearly twice as big.

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It is clear that over the given period, the proportion of foreign students in the provided Canadian universities had increased significantly. The most significant went up was observed in the University of British Columbia, whereas the lowest uplift was in Ontario.

Should governments spend more money on improving roads and highways, or should governments spend more money on improving public transportation (buses, trains, subways)? Why?

It is a never ending question, whether governments have to invest more funds in improving the infrastructure of towns or should they focus on the development of means of public transportation, such as buses and trains. This essay argues that the improvement of public transport should be of paramount importance for every government. Firstly, this essay will discuss how by improving the public transport, local powers could improve the environment in the regions and then it will focus on the financial benefits from overhauling of the local transport.

I have difficulties with this question, I am not sure, whether I have to discuss both points or I have to stick with only 1.

Writing Feedback / Ielts writing TASK 2 - Sports professionals don't deserve such high salaries for their work [3]

My first question is, whether I properly answer the question, because even though I provided reasons WHY they receive or not receive - I don't give enough reasons who deserve to receive greater salaries and didn't emphasis on my personal opinion.

Other than that, I am not sure whether some of my sentences are not too long and too ambiguous.

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal of money than people in other important professions. Some people think that is justified while others think it is unfair.

Discuss both points and share your opinion.

Huge money in professional sport

Popular sportsmen can have significantly greater salaries than people with other occupations. Many people state that sports professionals deserve that enormous rewards, whereas others believe sports athletes' salaries are unjustified. This essay argues that people's incomes should be determined by their contribution to the society and therefore sportsmen do not deserve to be that affluent.

Most of the popular sportsmen have greater salaries because they attract more interest into communities. Their most important ability is to entertainment for people. Consequently, the most interesting they are, more people will be inclined to pay to watch them and concomitantly they will earn more money. For example, according to a research conducted by Harvard university, 90 of the asked people would rather pay to attend a sports event than pay for other activity.

Despite the fact that being entertained is an essential part of our lives, the are other jobs who are of paramount importance for our lives. Every single day, many people risk their lives in order to provide safer and more convenient environment for us and our children. Moreover, without their work, our lives would have never been that satisfying, but unfortunately, their sacrifices are usually overshadowed due to the fact their work is not that attractive for the ordinary people. For instance, a recent study found out that the average salary of a sportsman is likely to be 5 times greater than the salary of a doctor, even though the doctor's contribution to the society is much greater.

In conclusion, I think that although sports athletes' work is more interesting, people who have more significant impact on us and our lives, such as soldiers and police officers, deserve to have bigger incomes.