Writing Feedback / Whereas rehabilitation can heal druggies from the narcotic adiction, jail will give deterrent effect [4]

Question :
Should drug addicts be jailed or rehabilitated ? Discuss both views and give your opinion !

Answer :

The best decision for drug addicts are jailed or rehabilitated. Whereas rehabilitation can heal them from the narcotic adiction, jailed is the best way to give, because this will give deterrent effect.

All drug addicts should be released from the desire to using drug and cured of addiction or illness due narcotics. Because of its condition can make detorioration in health of drug addicts and if the addicts do not stop using drugs, it lead to efffect on another emerging crimes.

Taking Freddy Budiman, a drug addict and also the biggest drug dealer in Indonesia. Besides using narcotics he also involve on free sex and violence crime againts reporter. Although he was life in custody and will face death penalty, he still selling narcotics from jailed. Not only that, but he also arrange narcotics connection in the world. Without known by police he also using narcotics and did free sex in there. Because of crimes still occur even have stayed in jail in Cipinang, Freddy Budiman eventually be moved to prison in Nusakambangan, Cilacap, Center Java that known as the most sinister prison in Indonesia.

All in All, to prevent that case appear for second times, it need to tigthtly kept and watched the offenders by police. So, it means to imprison drug addicts and drug dealer in tightly prison. It must to narrowing them space and limiting they communication with others outside of custody. But rehabilitation is recommended way to heal the addiction, and avoid the narcotics user to be re-offend.

Writing Feedback / The United States became the most frequent winner of the hot-dog eating contest within two years [5]

The graph below presents the information about Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest in Brooklyn's Coney Island, USA

The bar graph provides information about Nathan's hot dog eating contest which is conducted in Brooklyn's Coney Island, USA during 30 years, between 1980 and 2010.

It is noticeable that four countries such as US, Japan, Mexico and Germany scoring for winners. In this case, American males have won twenty times for this eating contest and Japanese males record nine times win while remain Mexico males and Germany whose female participant only once won this contest.

According to the graph, The United States became the most frequent winner within two years. Futhermore, and this trend kept in the following 11 years, starting from 1985 to 1996. However the domination of japan was seen in the next 9 years but in the end of the period US took over back the winning place. The others like Mexico and Germany just once to be a winner, in 1993 and in 1984 respectively.

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Writing Feedback / EFFECT OF VIOLENCE ON TELEVISON TO CHILDRENS - IELTS 2 [3]

Question :
These days we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television, and this is having a negative impact on children's behavior. Do you agree or disagree?

Answer :

The advance of technology effects on accessible information likes do not have limit rules. Because of that, in nowdays easier to watch violence in television and therefore it gives negative effects on children's behavior. This essay will stay in line with such idea because children tend to imitate what they see, and what they hear. They are not mature enough to distinguish between right and wrong values.

Some shows on television indirectly lead to bad effect for children, due to negative content such as the harshness. This is because of children growth phase make they always copy and record everything shows in their eyes. For the example, Indonesia Broadcasting Commision in 2013 annouced television shows including news and drama movie are the factors behind most cases of violence by children. Data on commision shows throughout 2012 to March 2013, there are more than five teenage and children drama movies who receive special attention for showing violence on children's showtimes.

Copy, record, and imitate were appart of future learning for them. In this case, childrens do not have ability to thingking like older people. The childrens only have little experience as same as they ages.They do not have mindset to choose the best thing to imitate. Another example are speaking, walking, laughing, and running emerge due to copy paste activity on children's life.

To Conclude, bad things may happens from spectacles that are not good because they copy it. Childrens does not understand about moral value that can be taken. By this, It case should noticed by our govermens especially in Indonesia there is Indonesia Broadcasting Commision and it recommended if they makes rules such us violence on television is forbidden.

Writing Feedback / A comparison of people's sense towards crime and actual likelihood to be a victim - IELTS1 [4]

Question :

The graph below shows the perceived danger and actual likelihood of being a victim of crime. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

Answer :

A comparison of percentage of people's sense towards crime and actual likelihood to be a victim of crime is shown in this bar graph for 2009 to 2010.

Overall, more people fear of being a victim of offense but the reality was not as frightening as they assume. By far the highest proportion of crime type was car crime.

People's perception towards crime decreased in each type of crime. The feeling danger of Bulgary and Violent crime had slightly changed in 2009 and same proportion in 2010. Anxiety of being car crime victims become a peak to 21 % in 2009 and 18 % in 2010.

Actually, crime was not as daunting as their arguments. A little increased of Bulgary and Violent crime occurred between 2009 and 2010 while car crime contrast with the others. Percentage of actual likelihood of being a victim of crime was 4 % in 2009 and 3.5 % in 2010.

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Writing Feedback / In the recent time, every business conducted by humans is easier because of technology. [3]

The advance of technology makes human lives more convinient. To what extent do you agree or disagree!

Answer :

In the recent time, every business conducted by humans is easier because of technology. It is agreed as the sophisticated tools provide citizens a way to communicate in long distance and makes information more accessable.

The main reason why cutting-edge convinient public things is to destruction the divider of distance and time. This leads to people who lived in long distance relationship can look at each other just with smartphone screen. Taking my own activity as an example. I must submit my essays everyday to my lecture by e-mail because he has been studying in different countries from me. Before he used smartphone, I submitted my essays with international shipping and courier delivery services. Although this gadget facilitates us to communicate, it will create new crime if the person abuses its functions.

Another reason is to give easiness to access information. When something happen in the countries, people in different countries can know that information in the same time. For the example is google application. All of people in the world can use this from their smartphones or laptops and they can get all information fast. Even if people benefited from these tools, lack of rules and controls make children able to access something that not appropriate for them and creates a cyber crime.

To sum up, one of causes obvious crimes is sophisticated tools. I more believe advance devices make your life easier and provide accessable information to every single person. It is imperative that government should make the rules and controls about the advance of technology.

Writing Feedback / TED resume : The happy secret to better work [3]

In science of happiness, external world is predictive of happiness levels. 10% of long term happiness can predict by external world and the remains in predicted not by the external world but by the way of brain processes the world. Based on the previous research, only 25% of job successes are predicted by IQ. 75% of job successes are predicted by optimism levels, social support and ability to see stress as a challenge instead of as a threat.

Most of people nowadays have being outlined all the negative things that can happen but not talked about the positive. For example the absence of disease is not health. Actually, the point is how to get to health not about the absence of disease . It is need to reverse the formula for happiness and success. Most companies and schools follow a formula for success which is this : " If i work harder, i will be more successful and if i am more successful that i will be happier". If happiness is on the opposite side of success, the brain never gets there. People have pushed happiness over the cognitive horizon as a society, it's because they think they have to be successful then they will be happier.

However, brains work in the opposite order. If someone can raise other person's level of positivity in the present, then their brain experiences call a happiness advantage, which is brain at positive performs significantly better than at negative, neutral, or stressed. Intelligence rises, creativity rises, energy level rise. Brain at positive is 31% more productive than brain at negative, neutral, or stressed, because dopamine which floods into system when person in positive has two functions. Not only does it make happier, it turns on all of the learning centers in brain allowing to adapt to the world in a different way. There are ways that can train brain to be able to become more positive. Allowing brain to work more optimistically and more successfully.

link (source) : ted.com/talks/shawn_achor_the_happy_secret_to_better_work

Writing Feedback / PRACTISING IELTS WRITING TASK 2 INTRODUCTIONS.. - three examples [2]

Hi guys.. after long time never touch this forum, i come back again.. here i post some of introductions IELTS WRITING TASK 2. Iam very happy if you can give me some suggestions.. i realize i need to practice more and more.. thank you before :)

1. As global trade increases, many goods, including those we use on a daily basis are produced in other countries have to be transported long distances.

Do the benefits of this trend outweigh the drawback?

Nowadays, multinational commerce can break through borders and it makes easy to find imported products in across globe. Whereas it cause convenient in life, I am more likely to claim international markets encourage developed countries dependence with products of other countries besides it spends a lot of budgets

2. In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experiences.

Discuss both opinions and give your opinion!

In a few decades, children workers are not unusual in several states. While some citizens believe experience of working is good to develop their better future, I prefer that children not allowed to earn money. They must focus on their studies and must finish it well.

3. Unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example, working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood, or teaching sports to younger children)

To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

In the recent time, ungrudging treatment should be a practical grounding of high school programs. It leads students have awareness to their environments such us to be a social worker and improving the neighbourhood. This essay will stay in line with such notion because it gives several benefits.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 CONCLUSION PART - sincere answers for different issues topics [3]

1. As global trade increases, many goods, including those we use on a daily basis are produced in other countries have to be transported long distances.

Do the benefits of this trend outweigh the drawback?

To conclude, while global commerce can support routine activities, I tend to say worldwide trade will devastate economy of local products. It is therefore, the goverment lunch a campaign throught citizens to love local products.

2. In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experiences.

Discuss both opinions and give your opinion!

To sum up, some people have supported certain view that children must work in early ages. That argument will help them to survive on the challenge of future life but i would like to say children should be in schools and do not need to earn money before graduating their studies.

3. Unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example, working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood, or teaching sports to younger children)

To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

In conclusion, a voluntary program should be a part of high schools extracurricular programs. That activity will encourage students to have responsibility to their environments. Therefore, it will be high recommendation for stakeholder to consider such notion and apply it in all of schools.

Writing Feedback / Crimes in Newport city between 2003 and 2012. The burglary had the highest number among incidents. [5]

The chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in Newportcity centre from 2003-2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reportingthe main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

A comparison of number of crime in Newport city centre is provided in this line charts between 2003 and 2012. It is noticeable that burglary is the highest number of incident. While number of robbery (theft from the person) is stable, burglary and car theft are plummeted.

A number of burglary and car theft reach the peak of it in 2004. Burglary was fallen down for four years subsequently from 2005 to 2008 and car theft was decline for a year since 2005 and stable onwards. Burglary becomes steadily between 2009 and 2012. In 2009 and 2011 burglary has a same number while car theft has same number in 2007 and 2009. The peak of car theft was in 2004.

Robbery is the lowest number of crime. Highest number of robbery was in 2005 whereas the lowest was in 2008. The number of robbery felony was decrease since 2006 until 2008. Robbery crime did not show any significant change annually.

Writing Feedback / "Big can more" - possible ways to better the environement. [NEW]

Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment. Only large companies and businesses can make a difference. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Each person cannot make a breakthrough to surroundings individually, but a great enterprise may make a difference. It is agreed that such notion consider to ability of corporation stronger than a human and each person tend to be pessimistic than being influenced by worst condition.

One of compelling reasons is companies more capable of surrounding improvement and almost all of their activities all legal entities. This leads to change made by the company to environment and it will give great influence rather than a human has done. Taking on my father office as an example which it did reforestations around of industry areas. Therefore, pollution resulting from the industry's chimney will be recovered directly by green areas. This way changes to healthier environment. Although there is some evidence to ensure the power of business, a big alteration must start from individual awareness.

Another main point is human behaviour who is quitter and easy to follow bad activities often be a barrier. For example, Awkarin known as Indonesian's selebgram who in the past was famous with her achievement and good action to encourage better life in her environment, now drastically change becomes a bad girl and no motivation on her image. Despite this real life example, nothing is impossible to people who want carry out a better change to their circle with a strong will.

To sum up, large companies will bring big improvement stronger than a human without being influenced by the worst environment itself. Therefore, it will be high recommendation for companies to increase productivity that can create change towards to better life.

Writing Feedback / Nowadays, every piece of business conducted by humans is easier because of the advanced technology [2]

The advance of technology makes human lives more convinient. To what extent do you agree or disagree!

Nowadays, every business conducted by humans is easier because of technology. It is agreed that sophisticated tools provide citizens long distance communication and make information more accessible.

One of compelling reasons why cutting-edge is much more convenient to public is because it destructs distance and time. This makes people who have a long distance relationship can communicate each other through their smartphone or laptop screens. Taking online application of taught master's courses program in University of Manchaster in UK as an example. For apply as an international student there, we just complete all documents by send an attachment and make communication with supervisor use an email. Although this gadget facilitates us to communicate, it will trigger a crime if the person abuses its functions.

Another reason is to give ease to access information. When a problem happens in other countries, people in the other side of world will know the information at the same time. For an example is mobile.nytimes.com that it is an online website of The New York Times. People in all over the world can access this from their smartphones or laptops and they can get all the information fast. Even if people benefited from some websites in internet, lack of rules and controls make children able to surf the web that not appropriate for them and creates a cyber crime.

To sum up, I more believe in advance devices it makes your life easier and provide accessible information to every single person. It is imperative that the government should make the rules and controls about the advancement of technology.

Writing Feedback / Children spent most of time at school and home which should be influential in terms of healthy life. [2]

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, most of children have not considered about healthy way of life. Place where they study and get education, together with their parents should responsible to give solution of this case. I agree with these notions since children spent almost all of their time at school and home.

Unhealthy lifestyle emerge from their activities and what food that they eat. Pupils tend to be have long time at school and consume snack food there. Taking data from research of WHO about lifestyle of Indonesia children as an example. The information of this study is all of elementary school students in Indonesia lack of rest and spent about 9 hours their time at school and they also eat not hygiene food. As a result, most of them have deterioration in healthy and easier to get disease.

Both parents and schools should take actions to solve these problems. It is because children take a half of their daily time at school and another time at home. These close people should be able to control physical condition of children and keep them to always fit. For instance, school of my brother and my parent. His school manage time for their pupils to have balance activities between sit in the class and time for they play and rest. His school also has selection toward food that are provided, only clean and healthy food that can be sold in school canteen. My parents also concern to their children quality life with give them home made foods at home and maintain their health.

To sum up, many children now have poor healthy lifestyle. School and parents should responsible to accomplish toward this issue. It is recommended for parents and school to pay attention about children health.

(289 words)

Writing Feedback / People's problems with integration in a new place (eg. finding schools for children) [4]

Writing Task 1 hal 16 (Integration problem for people living abroad)

A comparison of the percentage of kind difficulties for people who move to other countries according to people's ages is shown in this bar chart. Overall, persons in middle age have most problematic in a new country, while finding schools for children become the lowest percentage of problem than others for all aged.

The problem of accomplishing finance is the highest percentage for people aged 18-34. There is a slight increased of this problem proportion in people aged 35-54 to 35%. For oldest people, it decreased suddenly to under 30%.

The completing health care becomes a problem for 33% in early aged. However, it is the greatest problem for people in middle aged and over 55, more than 35% for both.

The proportion of problem of finding schools for children is more than 5% for young people. There was a dramatic increase of this problem in people aged 35-54 to 17%. Then, for elderly people, this problem becomes the less with small number only 2%.

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Writing Feedback / News objects - celebrities and ordinary people [2]

The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead.

To what extent do you agree or disagree

Prominent people such as actors, singers or footballers are more prestige to become news objects than an ordinary person for the journalists. I tend to disagree with these notions. Whereas, celebrities are more important, but unwell-known citizens must be attention by media.

The lives of inhabitants should not be ignored by news hunter. It is because information about the condition of them will become a picture of community of citizens in a nation, and it will make other people know what problem that they have, and also what solution that able to give for them. For example, the improvement of quality life of inhabitants in Flores, Indonesia after media reported about clean water issue in that place. As a result, many donors help to build water transport system in Flores. Although, this information is important to know people conditions in other places, but celebrities news are more essential.

Celebrity life is attractive news for citizens. Artists, singers, and football players are public figures for society.Thus, it more crucial to update about their recent information. It is because all of people know about them, and ordinary people also put their attention to those well-known persons. Taking Raffi Ahmad who an Indonesia artist as an example. The television program about his household and daily live has highest rating of viewer than other television shows. This is a proof that media and also viewer put much their attention to his live.

To sum up, media never ignore information of famous celebrities like actors, singer, or footballers. I believe, news about them more fascinating than about ordinary people lives although it also important to report news about common inhabitants.

Writing Feedback / The percentage of initial-year teachers from recruitment. Writing Task 1 HAL 35 UNIT C [3]

A comparison of the information about the percentage of initial-year teachers from recruitment of teachers according to the year of graduation in Ontario is shown in this line chart between 2001 and 2007. Overall, the proportion of first-year teachers of France language was higher than English language. There was a downward trend in the percentage of English language teachers while in contrast, the proportion of France language teachers went up slightly.

2001 witnessed more than 70% of fresh graduated was recruited became France language teachers. The percentage of teacher in this subject fluctuated from 2001 and 2003. The proportion of this teachers inclined by 3% from 67% in 2003 to 70% in 2005. Then, there had been a rise of 5% to a peak at 75% in 2007.

The percentage of English language teachers stood at 72% in 2001. There was a dramatic decreased to 40% in 2003. This followed by a slight rose to 45% three years later. Finally, the proportion teacher in this subject plunged to a small number under 30% in 2007.

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Writing Feedback / The electricity generating design from wind turbine and its best place as location [2]

Writing Task 1 HAL 56 UNIT C

The diagrams illustrate electricity generating design from wind turbine and where it optimum locations. In general, the equipment of wind turbine consists of blades which are made from fiberglass or timber, wind sensor, generator, and computer. Meanwhile, wind turbines able to be placed in the sea, near from housing, and above hill. Wind turbine in the sea not spoiled it landscape.

The process is started when blades are propeled to rotate by wind. Wind sensor read the speed and direction of wind. The Computer receive info from sensor to adjusts blades with wind direction and angle. It makes generator produce 1.5 megawatts electicity output

Two big wind turbines can be placed in the sea and above hill, while the small domestic turbine is placed in the land near from housing. The wind turbines which are placed on the hill and in the sea will get maximum wind strengths. More electricity can be generated from these turbines, each of them produce 1.5 megawatts. Whereas, domestic turbine only able to produce 100 kilowatts output of electricity

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Writing Feedback / Working as an employee in an industry/office or having own business - Task 2 hal 64 unit c [2]

Working as an employee in industry or office has less attractive for certain people than becomes an employer. Although, there are some drawbacks to start own business, I believe that the convenience often outweigh any drawbacks.

There are two main disadvantages to become an entrepreneur. The one that makes people avoid to starts their own business is vast capital. It depends on type of business that they want to start, higher quality of this business, more much money that they need as a capital. Another drawback is businessman must always innovative in developing of their companies thus, they not failing with other new entrepreneurs.

On the other hand, Starting own business has many benefits. The main one is its convenience. People who have business will not be tied by office hours. Also, they can create job, and give job opportunity to other persons. Businessman have flexibel time to manage their companies and most of entrepreneurs enjoy do their business activities. Taking my experience as an example. I am a Business woman, and I really enjoy my profession. I can arrange my own schedule and put my creative ideas to develop my business. I also able to help other people with recruit them to work together. As a result, I get high income and I feel happy when doing this.

To sum up, I think that the advantages of starting own business are greater than its disadvantages. It is recommended to people who want to start their business to put their hobbies as a foundation of their companies.