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Posts by amrillahmk
Name: amrillahmk
Joined: Aug 4, 2016
Last Post: Nov 17, 2016
Threads: 29
Posts: 31  
From: Indonesia
School: Universitas Indonesia

Displayed posts: 60 / page 1 of 2
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amrillahmk   
Oct 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / How much coffee were exported from 3 countries between 2002 and 2012 [3]

The amount of coffee, which was measured by kilograms and exported from three countries between 2002 and 2012, is illustrated in the figures. The most significant facts to emerge from the graph are that all countries, including Brazil, Colombia, and Costa Rica, experienced a growth in coffee exports by the end of 2012, in which Brazil always leads Colombia and Costa Rica.

Brazil and Costa Rica began at fairly similar level of 12 and 15 consecutively. While Brazil saw an increase over the following 4 years with reaching 15 million kilograms, Costa Rica fell to 7 million kilograms in 2006. Subsequently, Brazil's exports rose gradually to 20 million kilograms, which was followed by a short fall to 17 million kilograms in the following two years. At the end of period, Brazil hit a high of its exports with 25 million kilograms. In contrast, Costa Rica experienced a steady increase per two years starting from 2006.

Columbia, on the other hand, stood at 5 kilograms at first. Then, over the following 4 years, there was a gradual rise, in which Columbia surpassed Costa Rica with 12 million kilograms in 2006. Subsequently, it was followed by a sudden decrease in 2008, when its exports hit a low of 1.5 million kilograms. From 2008 to 2012, Columbia's pattern grew significantly to 15 million kilograms at the end of period
amrillahmk   
Oct 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / The causes and some possible solutions to overcome traffic congestion [3]

Many cities have serious problem with traffic congestion

What are the causes of these problems and what are some possible solutions?


Every metropolitan city in the world must be facing the issue of traffic jam. This happens because of some reasons, such as uneven development which led to transmigration from rural to urban area, the growing number of cars on our streets, and at last, the road space which remains unchaged from year to year. The government must take initiatives to handle this problem by proposing some fresh solutions, such as encouraging people to use public transportation, limiting the ownership of private cars as well as the number of people in cars when it is used.

Traffic congestion is not a new problem; however, government, for example in Indonesia, finds it hard to overcome this matter. The primary reason of this issue, I think, comes from uneven development in each province so that it is triggered many people to move so as to seek a decent life by working in modern cities. Another cause of this problems comes from the increasing sum of cars which are used by many people, but this is not followed by constructing new roads; consequently, many cars bogged down on the streets due to lack of roads.

Regarding to this matter, some solutions could be proposed in order to help reducing traffic congestion. One of the solutions is to encourage people to use public transportation so that the number of private vehicles on the streets go down. Another solution is to introduce laws which forbade people to have more than 2 vehicles as well as to limit the minimum number of passengers in cars, and thus people do not use, for example, one car for one person. By doing as such, I strongly believe the traffic jam on the streets will decrease progressively.

In conclusion, the issue of traffic congestion is something like people cannot shun in many modern cities and needs strenuous effort to be overcome. The causes of this problem could come from many aspects as what has been explained; thus, government will play significant roles by proposing some policies to reduce the congestion.
amrillahmk   
Oct 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / Parents should be concerning towards unhealthy lifestyle by overseeing their child's activities [3]

the problems of unhealthy lifestyle has have been faced by children

Some of recent articles often reportsreport the topic

"I suppose the statements which said the parents and schools have the biggest responsibility in children lifestyle" i think this sentence is not finished yet, what do you mean by saying this?

food consumption, not foods consumption, food is uncountable

some of the childsome of the children usually

it seems like you have problem with subject + verb agreement, i havent finish to chech all of your essay, let others give another feedback
amrillahmk   
Oct 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / The production of energy from coal in Denmark, Germany, Sweden, and France [2]

The graph gives information about the percentage of energy produced from coal in four countries, including Denmark, Germany, Sweden, and France, over 15-year period. The main fact that stands out is that the production of energy from coal in all countries experienced a decrease over the period shown.

Denmark and Germany began at fairly similar levels of 60% and 55% respectively in the proportion of energy from coal. Subsequently, both Denmark and Germany jumped sharply to under 20%, when Germany hit a low of 5%. However, there was a slight increase for Germany, in which German overtook Denmark to finish around 18%, while Denmark finished at 10%, the lowest of that year.

On the other hand, the energy from coal which was produced in Sweden and France stood under 40%, and then fell slightly to same or under 30% in 1998. Over the following three years, their proportion remained stable, which were followed by a short fall in 2004 and leveling off at this rate for the remainder of the period.



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amrillahmk   
Oct 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / The causes and some possible solutions to overcome traffic congestion [3]

Thankyou mas icaan! i am starting to recall what ES had been taught. i often forgot the structure for each type of questions, so your feedback helps a lot. anw, what do you mean by saying "i have problem in spelling" i don't get it. could you elucidate more? thank you, i highly appreciate it
amrillahmk   
Oct 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Improving public health by providing affordable medicine as well as hospital for everyone [2]

Some say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sport facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion


Improving public health by rising the sum of sport facilities is generally believed by many people, while others assume it does not have significant effect on public health and needs other solutions. It is agreed to some extent that sport amenities could improve one's health; however, I firmly believe another solution, such as building hospital which can be afford by the poor would play important role in increasing public health.

It is well-known fact that sports could keep you being healthy, because by working out, for example, in sport facilities, your body will be sweating, which is great to improve indvidual's health. For example, many people in vibrant city will go to gym when they want to exercise due to lack of public space to do as such in out door. When they go to the gym, they have to be a member and pay some money in order to harness its facilities, which is not everyone will get the benefits because some people do not have much amount of money.

Since the idea is to increase public health, so everyone should get the advantages from it and that is the primary reason why another measure, such as establishing affordable infirmaries, is needed. This is because when rich people can go to the gym as well as a decent and expensive hospital so as to maintain their health; on the other hand, the poor can go to affordable infirmaries to buy medicine they need. Because when it comes to improve public health, the first thing we can do is by providing affordable medicine and hospital for every person.

In light of what has been said, although the sport facilities could improve one's health, but it is not play significant role to improve public health. Thus, another solution like affordable hospital is needed. By doing as such, I could assure public health will increase significantly.
amrillahmk   
Oct 26, 2016
Letters / Unipdu FT D - Fakhrizal Mabruri - I hope you're okay [3]

Hi, how are you?
I hope you're okay.mabrury, if you have time you can go to my home anytime you want, in my house is available free wifi ...in my home, there is an available free wifi and also near to Bekapai theme parks, I hope you canwill come home me for a visitto visit me soon. and also in addition, my home there are grounds futsallfutsal grounds, where you can (...), but don't worry the next time I will visit your home next time.

... thank you foryour attention to read ...
amrillahmk   
Oct 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Every student should be encouraged, regardless his achivement [2]

Some teachers tend to reward students who achieve high academic results. Others, however, support and reward students show the most improvement.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion


Students achieving great score in academic results, believed by some people, should be awarded while others assume students who display significant improvement related to their academic history are prioritised. I firmly believe both of them should be conducted in balance, regardless whether they show high academic results or most enhancement. This will make students motivated to learn, which is good for their academic development.

On one hand, students who are rewarded due to their high academic achievement will feel elated and respected because they think what they have done in school is not in vain and is valued by their teachers. For example, when one student gets first rank in class and then the teachers give them a present, it will bring out what best in them and they would be more confindent about themselves so that they could maintain their achievements.

Turning to the next idea, students showing impressive improvement regarding to their educational process should be supported as well. This matter will encourage them to learn from their mistakes and it will make the students realise that they could be as smart as another student if they strive maximally. For instance, if students get bad score, but they try to change it by learning consistently in the next days, teachers should also appreciate them. Because sometimes, it is not about merely the good academic record, but it is all about the progress that students made.

To sum up, both students in those categories should be rewarded and encouraged so as to maintain their academic record. By doing as such, students are more likely to stay motivated in the learning process so that it will be benefits them more. In addition, it will make them believe in themselves at the same time.
amrillahmk   
Oct 26, 2016
Letters / Unipdu FT-D letter to tell about my house in Belut, Jogoroto Jombang [2]

Hay ais how are you, I hope you're there always be fine, so am i.
... receive this letter,regarding to the reason why I sent you a letter.
My house addressis located in Belut, Jogoroto Jombang. My house facing faces north, the house ...
My house was is very crowded ...
A lot of people and motorists passing passes by.
Though, so I'm very comfortable ...
Thanks Ais already for read my letter. Had enoughi have many stories to tell you about my house.
amrillahmk   
Oct 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / The most attraction places to visit by different people living in Australia [3]

Some locations, which are visited by distinct people's background that live in Australia, including those who were born in Australia, new migrants born in English-speaking country as well as in other countries, are presented in the bar chart measured by percentage. Overall, the most significant fact to emerge is that cinema becomes the most attraction place to visit by all different people in that category. Moreover, zoo and library are in the second places while theatre is the least attraction location to visit.

To begin with, cinema is in the first place as the most attraction place, in which more than 50% or above different people living in Australia visit this spot. However, people born in Australia sit in the first bar chart which hit 70% and it is followed by new migrants who were born in English-speaking countries as well as in other countries which reach around 65% and 50% respectively.

Subsequently, zoo and library are in the second locations to visit by average people in category, in which zoo becomes the main attraction reaching at 50% for new migrants born in English-speaking while library becomes the primary attraction spot which hits roughly 55% for new migrants born in other countries. In addition, theatre is deemed as unattractive place to visit by distinct people's background, the lowest in the bar chart in general.



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amrillahmk   
Oct 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Population in the state of Oregon by County from 1940 to 2000 [3]

The line graph portrays the growing number of population, which is measured in thousands over 60-year period in Columbia, Yamhill, and Washington. Overall, the main fact that stands out is that in all counties experienced an increase in the sum of inhabitants. Moreover, Washington's population rose significantly among two other counties.

To begin with, in 1940, the number of residents in Washington stood at 75,000. Then, it increased gradually to roughly 122,000 by the end of 1970. Subsequently, the population of Washington showed a dramatic growth, which hit a high of around 245,000 people in the end of the period.

Turning to Yamhil and Columbia, both of which experienced a similar pattern from time to time. Firstly, they stood at 30,000 and 25,000 respectively in 1940. Over the following 30 years, Yamhil and Columbia grew slightly to 45,000 and 35,000 and then rose dramatically to 90,000 and 77,000 successively in the timeframe shown.



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amrillahmk   
Oct 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Population in the state of Oregon by County from 1940 to 2000 [3]

Hi akbar thank you for your insightful feedback and i think I need more of your feedback in my next writing. it is nice that i got a comment from ES tutor, i was one of ES students as well in january this year hahaha.

keep helping!
amrillahmk   
Oct 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Children should be taught both to co-operate and be a rival with other students [NEW]

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion


It is generally held by some people that competitive climate amongst children should be supported while others assume collaboration with another student is more worthwhile in order to be useful grown-ups. Although, to some extent I agree that rivalry amongst students is good for children development, I firmly believe children who are preached to work collaboratively with one another will gain social skill and be more heedful to other people. This skill is absolutely helpful when children grow up and become a part of workforce.

To begin with, a competitive sense would encourage children to believe in themselves. When students in earlier ages, their parents usually register them in many of contests, such as drawing, modeling, or child-related contests, so as to instill the sense of self-confident so that children believe that they could be better if they strive for it. It is immensely useful for child development, because at childhood, the most important thing is how to enhance the children's improvement even though it is merely beneficial for themselves. Nevertheless, collaboration should be taught as well so as to prevent children to be more selfish or self-centered.

Regarding to the second idea, different situation happens when children become an adult, in which they should work together with other people. Therefore, the sense of working collaboratively with other students will helpfully improve children's social skills. For example, the children are given hard tasks which only can be finished if they work together. As such, students will realise they should be neck-and neck with other students, otherwise they will fail. Thus, they will know how to co-operate and be more sensitive with others. To work collaboratively with others is important, social skill when they are mature and entering job market.

in light of what has been said, children should be taught both to co-operate and be a rival with other students. Both of which are good for children development because they are still in their infancy. However, more attention should be paid on how to co-operate with other people owing to be more worthwhile when they become grown-ups and enter job market.
amrillahmk   
Oct 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Certain people say that children must learn to become part of society at school [2]

School is the location whenwhere children make relationship ...
... to help each other and it is also about how to be responsible with their ...

From school, he gets many friends. He knows how to respect with his friend in different religion. Also, he realizes to finish his homework well ...

... but parentsisarethe most important persons people behind children images.

thus parentswill be able to teach them ...

She always asks about those questions (...) after we they finishedour their school everyday.

Sometimes, I and my mothermy mother and Ihave long

Hi beauty, I only revised your grammar, because it seems you have problems with that. learn more about subject+verb agreement as well as the use of pronouns. i noticed in this essay, you made mistakes in those parts

for correcting the contents of your essay, i will let the others fix it.
good luck, keep it up

amrillahmk   
Oct 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Tourist arrivals in Japan from 4 different countries between 1990 and 2010 [2]

The bar chart depicts the visitors who come from four different countries in Japan over 20 year-period and is measured by the number of people. Overall, the main fact that stands out is United States of America led by far than Australia, United Kingdom, and South Africa. Moreover, over the timeframe shown, USA showed a gradual increase while the others fluctuated.

In 1990, the sum of people from USA stood at roughly 45,000. Then, it rose steadily to around 48,000 in 2000 and reached above 50,000 people, which was the highest than three other countries by the end of the period. UK, on the other side, experienced a fluctuation from time to time.

On the other hand, Australia and South Africa had a similar pattern, which increased in the first ten years, but then dropped in the end of the period. Firstly, from 1990 to 2000, Australia grew gradually, which hit more or less 25,000 people, yet it was followed by a dramatic fall to approximately 12,000 in 2010 whereas South Africa initially stood at 10,000 people but then fluctuated to end around 11,000 people, the least than other countries.



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amrillahmk   
Oct 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / Money is not everything, there is another reason when opting a new job [2]

For some people a high salary is the most important criterion when choosing a new job while others are satisfied if the job contributes to society

Discuss both views and give you opinion.


It is held by some that high income is the first reason when deciding to a new job while other people are more pleased to the job which has an impact on society. Although well-paid wage is important to meet our daily needs, I firmly believe there is another cause when opting a new occupation, such as a passion to make society better.

It is undeniable fact that most people need money to get a decent life so that money becomes their priority. For instance, in current situation many people, especially millennial generation, resign from their prior job with low wage so as to seek another occupation which offers high payment no matter what the jobs are. This is because they consider that people's nowadays live in different era than in the past few years, where the prices of staples are increasing gradually, so that to live in financially self-sufficient is more important than other reasons.

However, some people have different point of view, in which they believe their passion in improving the quality of society is more essential. Taking my friend named Anggita as an example, she had already been working on Heinz, a multinational company, for 3 years and she also had high income each month. Her responsibility in this company was selling company's products to consumers, which was not her passion because it did not have any social impact on society. Finally she gave up her job, and now she has joined in non-governmental organization (NGO) even though her salary is lower than her previous job. By joining NGO, she believes it will be more worthwhile to improve the living of the poor.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that every person has its own consideration. But I do believe that money is not everything in this world, there are people out there who think the most significant thing in life is to enhance the quality of life for all people, particularly the poor. By doing as such, I am convinced that society will be better for future generation to live.
amrillahmk   
Oct 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / WRITING TASK II - LACK ARTISTIC TALENT ON CHILDREN [3]

a well-structured essay, i love it although there are some grammar mistakes

on other creative and practical lessons

This statement stands on the actual fact

are start lovingstarting to love art subject.

what kind of subject that isreally useful for them

Where possible, the adults should givepay more attention
amrillahmk   
Oct 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / Fast food eaten by Australia Teenagers over 25-year period [2]

The breakdown of information about the junk food eaten by young people from Australia over 25-year period is depicted in the line graph. It is measured by the number of times consumed every year. Overall, the main fact that stands out is that Pizza and Hamburgers showed a dramatic growth while Fish and Chips dropped dramatically over the timeframe shown.

Initially, Pizza and Hamburgers began at fairly similar levels, which stood at around 15 and 13 respectively. Both of them then increased significantly to 82 for Pizza and 100 for Hamburgers in 1995. From 1995, Pizza then leveled off whilst Hamburgers rose slightly in the end of the period.

On the other hand, Fish and Chips started at 100 consumption of fast food in 1975, the highest than two other snacks. Subsequently, it experienced a fluctuation until 1985, and it was followed by a sharp fall, which hit a low of just under 40, the lowest in the end of the timespan.



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amrillahmk   
Oct 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / I totally disagree that banning air travel is the only strategy to stop air pollution. [7]

... that is available for everyone to go anywhere in (...) shortest time to spentspend.

... comparing to the other types of travels.

... move from some parts of the world to ...
... conflict or disaster areas become more efficient and quicker.
... a huge impact foron some people in ...
... contribution of other transportations such as ...

To sum up, I believed that restricting air ...
amrillahmk   
Oct 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / Public libraries should be preserved, and these are not a waste of public money [NEW]

Some people say that public libraries are an important public resource and should be free, others say that they are just a waste of public money.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.


Keeping public libraries open



It is commonly believed that libraries are essential public places and therefore should be no charge for people when entering these locations while some argue they only squander public money. In my opinion, government should continue to spend money on public libraries so as to ensure the distribution of knowledge for all people.

Opponents who assume funding public libraries are kind of wasting money because they only see few people coming to these places. For example, Aksara library, state-owned library located in south Jakarta, opens from Monday to Saturday at 10a.m - 5p.m. But, the average number of people who come is merely 40 to 60 per week, which is very few people coming. As a result, they believe that it does not give any significant impact and solely squanders government's money.

However, I would argue public libraries must be preserved regardless whether or not they waste public money. The problem is not about squandering money, but how government improving the interest of reading due to the fact knowledge is rights for people. By preserving public libraries and improving reading interest, it will vouch the equality in education for all people and generate many well-educated people that will be useful for the future government or country itself. In addition, if government does not support public libraries, it maybe causes such places have to close and government keeps struggling with the same issue, which is educational equity.

To sum up, I do not believe spending money on public libraries is a waste. Therefore, another measure, such as enhancing reading interest, should be implemented in order to create educated people. Keeping public libraries remain available to all is the most appropriate course of action to maintain rights of people in education.
amrillahmk   
Oct 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / The Economist - What are the candidates' plans for America's budget? [2]

... between Barack Obama and one candidate of Amerika president selectionAmerica presidential election. When the Barack Obama's era, they were controllcontrolled the national debt and make made it was a priority for Republicans.

... and deregulation willwould boost economic growth ...

Hi, honestly your writing is hard to understand. there are many grammar mistakes, and you do not express your idea clearly or what the main point of that article is. I noticed that it seems you have problem with subject+verb agreement, and the use of tenses as well as reported speech

keep writing though
amrillahmk   
Oct 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / Governments should invest more in public services, but arts cannot be neglected [4]

Some people think that governments should invest more in public services instead of wasting money on arts such as music and paintings.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?


It is reckoned that more attention should be paid on investment in public services rather than in Arts. In my opinion, I do agree with it, in which most government investments should be spent on public services, but arts cannot be neglected by government entirely. This is because the arts can entertain most people in many ways.

For some people, arts cannot be separated in human lives. People need the arts in order to get entertained while they are mired in low spirits or feel bored with daily activities. For example, several people go to music concert or attend painting exhibition with expectation these activities could be a consolation in the middle of their sorrow or busy lives. But, at the same time, people are not prepared when they have to pay high fares to attend some shows. That is the primary reason why some of government investments should continue in the arts, otherwise the arts may have to close and people will not get the entertainment they need. In addition, arts can also keep our history and culture alive for future generation.

With regards to public services, I would argue most government budget should be spent on these ones. This is because public services serve human basic needs, such as health and education. For instance, investment in building some new hospitals or healthcare facilities as well as in schools which can be afforded by the needy would lead to the improvement in public health and education on the whole. As such, people will not be worried about their health and future education because government has already covered their basic needs.

It is obvious that when it comes to government's outlay in arts and public services, both of which should be covered even though the priority is in public services. However, I believe spending money on arts is not a waste and should continue. A balance is required for maximizing people's happiness.
amrillahmk   
Nov 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / The favourite social media channel between 2011 and 2013 [2]

The proportion of social media platform used by people from 2011 to 2013 is presented in the pie chart, measured in percent. Overall, the most significant fact to emerge is that the use of Twitter, Linkedln, Google+, and Pinterest showed an increase while Facebook dropped significantly over the timeframe shown. Moreover, it is clear that Google+ experienced a dramatic growth than other social media channel.

To begin with, Twitter, Linkedln, Google+, and Pinterest had similar pattern which increased from year to year. Initially, Twitter and Linkedln stood at 21% and 10%, then they rose to 25% and 15% respectively in the end of the period. On the other hand, Google+ and Pinterest began at same levels, 5%. While Pinterest only finished at 8%, Google+ experienced a marked rise, which grew roughly three times than it started and ended at 18%, the highest growth than the others.

In contrast, Facebook plunged dramatically by the end of the period. Firstly, it stood at 59% in 2011, the highest percentage than other social media channel. Subsequently, Facebook jumped sharply to solely 38% in the end of the timespan. Although Facebook experienced a sharp fall, its position was still in the first place as one of the favorite social media platform.



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amrillahmk   
Nov 1, 2016
Letters / It has been awhile since the last time we met, how are you there? Letter to M. Sigit Varendra [3]

Hi here are my suggestions.

remember that a good sentence always contains Subject and Verb, or in bahasa, have you ever heard about Subjek Predikat Objek Keterangan? in english the same thing happens.

Holt's comments has already reviewed you letter in a good way. I catch the meaning you addressed, so here is my version

Assalamualaikum Sigit

It has been awhile since the last time we met, how are you there? I am fine in here. I hope you and your family is alright as well. Currently, I am studying at Unipdu located in Jombang, West Java. would you mind if i asked where you study? I wish we could meet again, and then we could play our hobby when we were a child, which was playing football. I am very happy in here, because I have joined some activities on campus and became a part of PMII student association, I was surprised to be chosen, though. Wassalam.
amrillahmk   
Nov 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Burnaby Public Library is portrayed in the line graph [3]

The number of books read by men and women over 3-year period in Burnaby Public Library is portrayed in the line graph. Overall, it is noticeable that both men and women saw an increase in the end of the period although pattern for women experienced a short fall in the last year. Moreover, it is also clear that the line for men rose significantly if it was compared with women.

At first glance, the sum of books read by women stood at around 5,000, higher than men. Subsequently, there was a gradual rise, which reached 8000 in 2012 and 10,000 in 2013. However, over the last one year, the books read by women dropped back as same as in 2012, hit 8000 in the end of timeframe shown.

On the other hand. The number of books read by men stood at roughly 3,000 books in 2011, lower than women. Over the following one year, there was a steady growth, which peaked 4000 books. Then, in the next two years, the level for men overtook women in 2013 and rose dramatically to approximately 150,000 by the end of the period.



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amrillahmk   
Nov 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Governments should invest more in public services, but arts cannot be neglected [4]

@justivy03
Justivy, Thank you for your insightful feedback! Yes, i think I need your further assistance because i am going to take an IELTS test on November 19. I will, at least write one writing - or two if i have much time- each day and any feedback, especially from contributor, on my writing will be much appreciated. In addition, I have always wanted to improve my writing, alas I do not have any tutor, so it would be nice if you could help me improving my writing skills. Thank you in advance
amrillahmk   
Nov 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Benefits of advanced technologies, such as scanner and CCTV, outweigh their disadvantages. [2]

Some people believe that technological tools such as body scanner and CCTV have significantly enhanced our safety and security, while others feel that they have resulted in a loss of privacy. Do the benefits of these items outweigh their disadvantages?

It is generally assumed that the advancement of technologies, particularly scanner and CCTV, brings significant merits to our safety and security systems while some believe it merely leads to an adverse effect due to privacy loss. Although there is a drawback in the use of such technologies, I firmly believe the advantages outweigh disadvantages.

Those who believe scanner and CCTV only result in the raising of crime rate related to one's secrecy are because of such sophisticated technologies used in the wrong way by irresponsible people. For example, I have ever read the case regarding to the use CCTV in the restroom as well as private hotel room so as to record pornography content. This pornography content finally became viral on social media and the victims sued for justice and brought this case to court, and this case is still being processed.

However, I would argue this problem does not lie in those advanced technologies, but whom uses these devices. If these cutting-edge technologies are used in the right way by governmental official, such as police or security officers, then I strongly believe it will bring many advantages in the improvement of our security systems to prevent crime happens. For instance, there are many cases about smuggling drugs through airports that can be hindered or minimized due to scanner and CCTV installed in airports. In addition, if these technologies are harnessed for the sake of public interest, then we can have better society owing to crimes can be prevented to happen.

All in all, although there is a demerit in the use of advanced technologies, I believe the benefits outweigh the disadvantages if such technologies are used by the right hands. It will bring an improvement in our security systems so that people feel safer than before. Also, it can prevent crimes to happen at the same time.

306 words
amrillahmk   
Nov 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / The attires people wear outside reflect their characteristics inside [2]

Some people say that the clothes people wear are the most important indication of what they are like. Others, however, say that people should not be judged by the clothes they wear. Discuss both of these views by the clothes they wear.

It is commonly believed by some that the attires people wear outside reflect their characteristics inside while others argue the outfits cannot be justified to judge people. To some extent I am in favour of clothes indicating one's personality even though I believe it needs further consideration when it comes to assessing people. By this I mean, their thoughts about themselves should be taken into account.

Those who support the idea of fashion as a statement of one's personality believe such clothes mirroring what people like doing in their lives. For example, in the midst 1960 in America, there were people named themselves as hippie people who love listening to rock music and wearing such an eccentric attire. Because of loving those kinds of things so much, hippie people imitated the fashion of their idols into their lives, wearing a headband, John Lennon's glasses, and colorful clothes as a symbol of simplicity and peace.

However, I firmly believe people cannot be merely judged with regards to what they wear because sometimes it is only a mandatory outfit from their office. For instance, people who work in a company such as in Garuda Indonesia airlines will always be wearing batik uniform, a traditional uniform from javanesse people in Indonesia, so as to make a good first impression to their clients so that a fluid, good communication can be made. As such, it does not mean what they wear mirroring the characteristic of themselves, what they think about themselves is more matter.

In light of what has been mentioned, I would argue, although fashion plays significant role for the first impression when people meet, it does not mean reflecting one's characteristic. Thus, people cannot be assessed only by their appearance, because they have their own version about themselves based on their thoughts. That is an excerpt saying "do not judge book from its covers" which means do not judge people only due to their appearance.
amrillahmk   
Nov 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / A balance is required when covering news about celebrities and ordinary people [5]

The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationship of celebrities such as actors, singers, or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Some believe celebrities, such as actors, singers, or footballers, are too much covered by the media, while others assume more attention should be paid on mundane people. Although there is a reason why the media often reports celebrities' lives, which is gaining profits, I would argue the media should cover both side. Thus, the principal of media can be upheld.

In competitive media industries like current situation, it is undeniable fact that the media should gain profits in order to survive. So, one of the many reasons why the media cover celebrities is because this will bring benefits for media Industries. This happens because actors, singers, or footballers have thousands or even millions of fans that will follow their day-to-day activities. As a result, when the news about their idols is updated in the television, radio, or magazine, such fans will watch, listen or read that news so that the media will earn an excessive amount of money.

However, the media should remember their principal when reporting topical circumstances, to be impartial. As such, it will ensure ordinary people to be covered as well, and many people can learn from their inspiring stories, such as how to live in simplicity and keep persevering no matter what the situation is. This will make people more sensitive to one another because the media can create public opinion, so that hopefully they will help to those in need. Moreover, I firmly believe many more lessons of lives will be gained when reporting mundane people's lives.

In conclusion, although covering celebrities will bring significant profits, ordinary people cannot be entirely neglected. Because the role of media is not only reporting celebrities, but also ordinary citizens. Thus, it will uphold media's principal and many people can get much more information as well as see both side of the news, so a balance is required.
amrillahmk   
Nov 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Children can study more effective, however they can't eat junk foods, only healthy meals [2]

from in the morning until in the afternoonit is okay to say " from/since morning to afternoon

more focus to listen what their teacher sayON listening what their teacherS say

Although, there is a few childare a few children

School can filter the food that can beis sold in canteen

because bacteria will be growthgrown

InON the other hand,

include some fruitsfruit is uncountable noun

... is the one that havehas to make sure ...

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