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Posts by Fitri12
Name: Fitriani Usman Ali
Joined: Sep 13, 2016
Last Post: Oct 12, 2016
Threads: 28
Posts: 50  
From: Indonesia
School: State University of Makassar

Displayed posts: 78 / page 1 of 2
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Fitri12   
Sep 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / The Impact of Divorce on Children [4]

Marriage, for the majority of people, is one of the most remarkable moments in life.
Unfortunately it is not always as wonderful as it is shown on the surface.
Some families must deal with miserable condition called divorce, eventually.
According to Professor Tamara D. Afifi, these days, the motivation of getting divorce tends to personal happiness of parents rather than unpleasant marriage life. Moreover, some parents even argue of having forever marriage life but feel really unhappy in reality. This condition turns divorce into a very common thing.

Divorce not only splits the family members but also influences stable upbringing of children.
The speaker has described several impacts of divorce into two types, short term effects and long term effects. Anxiety, depression, and low quality contact with parents belong to short term effects of parents' separation. If children unable to conquer them then they will turn into long term effects such as psychological problems and unsatisfying bond with parents . The most horrible one is the children might have potential to get divorce as well in their future marriage.

In order to take control of divorce circumstances, Professor Tamara offers a few positive solutions for children.
The first one is instead of involving in parents fighting, it is better to focus on the future life. On the other hand, mind your own business and let parents handle theirs. The second possible way out is recognizing the emotions, trying to do Self-Talking and taking away the regret. The last essential thing is let it go.
Fitri12   
Sep 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Tontowi Ahmad, the golden boy alongside Liliyana Natsir [2]

Hi Rian... It is enjoyable to read your writing since it provides some valuable information about the new idols of badminton in Indonesia, but it is always good to share, right? the followings are my humble opinions about your writing:

- Tontowi Ahmad win an Olympic (...) and won the gold medal in ...
in this sentence, you use "win" (simple present tense) and won (simple past tense) at the same time, which will lead the reader into confusion about the exact time of the event

- Although, there are (maybe you mean "they are") best partner in the field ...
-Sometime Liliana Natsir often(which one do you want to use, "sometime" or "often"?) to push her emotion becauseshe know Tontowi aim an victory too. (you may say she knows if you tend to use simple present, but if you want to express that she has already known that, you may use "she knew, the meaning of this sentence is also confusing, you also have to pay attention in using article "a" and "an")

-Tontowi hope's our struggle will inspire many people ... (our? Is it your point of view or the badminton player?)
Fitri12   
Sep 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / A single father from San Diego establishing a close bond with his little daughters [2]

Dad Sings Disney Song with His Daughters, Your Heart Explodes with Cuteness

Nurturing children does not mean having serious and flat time all day long. As shown by Jorge Narvaez, a single father from San Diego, establishing a close bond with his little daughters can be so much pleasure. He demonstrates an extraordinary way to interact with his little girls by collaborating in singing A Dream Is a Wish, the soundtrack of Cinderella movie.

Although Jorge had a complicated childhood, but he does not want to share the same boat with his children. He tries his best to keep his daughters, Alexa (11 years old) and Eliana (8 years old), living a joyful life.

This beautiful moment of father and daughters has proven that divorce is not the end of the world.
It is the beginning of real struggle of life, to survive, to think positively, to rise and shine.
Fitri12   
Sep 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Logging industry has many negative effects on the life in our planet. [2]

Hello Bams,
I'm pleased to read your writing since it provides valuable information about illegal logging.
some of your writing structures are good enough, only slightly mistakes in here and there.
let me try to share.
- Logging industry is the suplies of raw ... ( "suplies" tend to be verb or you actually want to say "supplier"? Because the meaning is quite blur)

- Logging industry ( logging industry is in singular form, then it should be followed by 'has' instead of 'have').
- it also have Other negative effect likes ( like here means the example, so you an say for example or for instance) nutrients, water, micoorganism...
-Vegetation can blocking and maintan steady water flow. (maybe you mean "vegetation can be blocked and maintained, because this is passive sentence).

Thank you, feel free to give some feedbacks on my writing as well.
Fitri12   
Sep 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / I am in favour of an overseas university degree rather than in home country school [2]

Hi Ani... It's my pleasure to share about writing with you. I my self is not a good writer, but sharing is always fine, right?

Your writing is good enough, only slightly mistakes in here and there, as follows:

- In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended ... (maybe you mean: In the past, when students were required to achieve bachelor or master degree)

- ... opened the door for those who would like to finished ( instead of using to finish, it is better to write: for those who want to acquire)

- ... will be discussed in the following paragraph before reached (it should be Verb 1 + ING after preposition, for instance, "before arriving home...", "after having lunch", "in using equipment", etc.)

Thank you, feel free to give comment to my writing as well.
Fitri12   
Sep 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / This Teenager Just Came Out to Her Family at Disneyland in the Most Amazing Way - Summary Article [5]

Hi Bali, it's my pleasure to share regarding writing since I'm not a good writer as well. So please kindly write some comments on my Thead. The followings are my humble opinions, not about grammar, only a few things related to flow and meaning.

this sentence: "She was confused with the kind of the surprise" resembles to this one: "She prepares this impulse by the long time, because she does not really know how to surprise her mother, father and brother." It is a kind of repetition, different in form but stay the same in meaning.

Thank you.
Fitri12   
Sep 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / We must be able to listen to the signal of body, because it is better than any doctors. [3]

TED Summary: The Shocking Truth about Your Health

Lissa Rankin, founder of Owning Pink; an organization which has been contributing a lot in assisting people with physical and mental illness, comes up in front of her audience with marvelous insight regarding what really matters to gain healthy body and mind.

As opening, she begins by sharing what she has been through in life. In the age of 33, she achieved all her dreams in career, even had enough retirement fund to support her living cost. In contrary with her bright job, her marriage ended miserably. This condition even got worse when his father passed away. Surprisingly, at the same time, she had servic cancer and high blood pressure with three medications, but failed to heal her. She said, at that time, she was spiritually lost.

Learning from her experiences, then Lissa researches a lot about the indicators of health and formulates a self-healing concept called The Whole Health Cairn, also well-known as Healing Bubble. This theory finally reveals the untold truth about the correlation between body and soul by providing several indicators which affect our health, such as healthy relationship, creative expression, spiritual connection, healthy financial life, healthy mental state, healthy professional life, and healthy environment, while the body becomes the centre of information by transferring symptoms. Hence, we must be able to listen to the signal of body, because it is better than any doctors.
Fitri12   
Sep 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / Why you should experience a home stay in Thailand? [3]

Hi Almajid, we're on the same boat, I mean I'm still learning to compose better writing as well. So it must be great to share. The followings are my humble comments:

- it is fine to use "I'm going to talk about" as the opening of a Speaking Class, but it is better to put more interesting sentences in writing.

- the place which is interesting/cozy/comfortable (for) foreigners to stay there,

- however, you can spent (it should be V1 after modals. For instance: you can stay, you should run)

- We do not worry to look for the way (to find out the way/to find out the nearest..../to find out the address)

- how we can get about it because some agent of travel (some travel agents)

Thank you. Feel free to share comments on my Thread. Keep writing.
Fitri12   
Sep 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / Logging effects: habittat loss, environment pollution, and climate change [7]

Hi Qaranew! It is my pleasure to share with you, so please kindly visit my Thread as well and give comments.
The followings are my opinions about your writing:

- Impacts logging industry make the effect untold ...(I can guess the meaning,but the structure of this sentence is confusing, is it logging industry or illegal logging? For example: Illegal logging has been affecting the environment)

- I'm sorry to say, but the flow of your writing and its sense of meaning will turn the reader into confusion.
Fitri12   
Sep 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary: The Art of Free-Stress Productivity by David Allen [2]

There is a phase in life that is experienced by everyone, when productivity gets low and everything turns unstable. It is called crisis zone. Why the crisis is there? According to David Allen, the writer of The Art of Stress-Free Productivity book, it happens when we are not appropriately engaged with the circumstances we face, such as financial and healthy problems or work stress. The crisis then leads us to be overreacted and overthinking since there are actually a lot of things we have not accomplished.

Furthermore, David points out that people tend to blame time as if one day is never enough when getting stress, instead of figure it out and get it done. Hence, he suggests 3 core principles to cope with stress. Firstly, changing perspective in order to create creativity breakdown in managing time. It means we need flexibility not perfection and the ability to shift in and out the focus quickly from one job to another. As a quote states "focused attention if you do not pay attention to what has your attention, you will give it more attention than it deserves". Secondly, getting properly engaged with what is going on to notice what it takes. At last, taking an action to the path you really want by using the right map. That simple.
Fitri12   
Sep 16, 2016
Student Talk / How to speak English fluently and correctly? [62]

Hi! it's my pleasure to share the following tips in speaking:
- Improve your vocabulary. Memorizing words is not recommended. Try to understand the meaning and know how and where to use it.
- Idioms are needed to have natural phrase.
- Avoid Overthinking of grammatical error, it will improve naturally over time. Keep speaking!
Fitri12   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1 Student Cambridge Books- Travelling to work in Houston, Texas [4]

Hi Fadhil! Sharing is fun, right? The followings are my humble comments:

- The table gives information (besides "gives", it is also recommended to use "shows" or "tells").

- The favorite (or popular) transport is self-drive car, which almost reaches fifty percent.

- cycle/walk are used (is used) by visitors within the younger age group around thirty nine years old.

Thank you.
Fitri12   
Sep 16, 2016
Student Talk / What's the biggest writing fail in your writing? [26]

Hi....
Writing scientificly or academically is my weakness. Especially when it comes to opening sentences and the flow of each paragraph as well.

Thank u. I'm looking forward to hearing from you too.
Fitri12   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / Rita Pierson: Every kid needs a champion [3]

Hello Ilham, the followings are my humble comments for your writing, feel free to visit my Thread and give some comments as well.

- ..., says that teachers must never get up (get up or "give up"?) on their students because ...

- By having a strong role model in their lives that ( it is recommended to use "who")

Thank you.
Fitri12   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / Angela Lee Duckworth: financially settled in the age of 27, but still yet in pursue of her passion [3]

TED Summary: Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Lee Duckworth

Being financially settled in the age of 27, in fact did not fulfill the personal desire of Angela Lee Duckworth to pursue her passion. She then decided to become a teacher, a path that led her to be a psychologist, eventually.

Angela and her team focused on researching in four challenging settings in order to find out who will successfully struggled and survived and why. The settings took place in a military academy to predict which cadet will be selected to the military training; a national Spelling Bee to see how many kids will go further in competition, to survey working teachers to find out who will be able to endure until the end of the school year and improve the ability of the students; a private company, to forecast the performance of sales people in earning money.

The outcome of her research is astonishingly since it has revealed the indicators of success. It is said that, it does not take social intelligent, good looking, physical health, and even an IQ to be a success person. It is "Grit" that matters. Grit is passion and perseverance for very long term goal, a willing to fail, to be wrong, to start over again, to conquer obstacles, and to live life to the full.
Fitri12   
Sep 17, 2016
Essays / SCHOLARSHIP ESSAY ABOUT A PAST EXPERIENCE. [3]

Hi Jamie,it's my pleasure to share about writing with you. The followings are my suggestions:

if I found my self stuck when it comes to opening of writing, I usually use the format of 5W + 1H.
1. What: what you are going to write, the topic, the main idea
2. Who: is there someone whom you want to put in your story?
3. When: detail of timing
4. Why: further explanation about your topic/notion
5. Where: the setting
6. how: The way you elaborate your idea.

Goodluck! Keep writing!
Fitri12   
Sep 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / The historical records notify that the circus (oldest show today) have existed since the ancient era [4]

Hi... It's good to share. The followings are my humble comments:

-The historical record shows that the circus have existed (it is better to use perfect continuous tense, since it has impact until now: the circus has been existing) since the ancient era. Use has instead of have, since the subject is singular.

- The flow of your writing is also confusing

Feel free to leave some comments on my Thread as well. Keep writing. Thank you.
Fitri12   
Sep 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / A Legal Trade in Ivory Would Wipe Out Elephants, Study Finds [2]

The decision-making mechanism is a proposed process by Namibia, Zimbabwe, and South Africa; those nations that support the legalization of ivory trade. It is about collecting ivory from existing government stockpiles of seized illegal ivory, natural elephant deaths, elephant culls, and intentional elephant hunts. It is believed that this process is able to meet the demand for elephant ivory without causing extinction. However, a study finds that the demand for ivory is far greater than the amount of ivory that can be harvested sustainably.

"There is no way to harvest sufficient ivory in a controlled way that won't drive elephant populations to extinctions," says Phyllis Lee, one of the study's authors and a researcher at the University of Stirling in the United Kingdom. His argument is based on his research which used data from elephants in Amboseli, Kenya, to determine how many could be killed for their ivory before it started to negatively affect the population.

In conclusion, the life of elephants is in danger and it is the responsibility of everyone to figure out how to save them from extinction.

Source: news.nationalgeographic.com/2016/09/wildlife-legal-ivory-trade-not-sustainable-study/
Fitri12   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary: Protecting Endangered Species for Future Generations By: Andrew Currie [2]

"Today, more than ever before, life must be characterized by a sense of universal responsibility, not only nation to nation and human to human, but also human to other forms of life", a quote by Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama, presented by Andrew Currie, a researcher, a traveler, an observer, who concerns a lot regarding the existence of endangered species, to remain us that there are other worthy living creatures simply in need of protection.

Furthermore, he described about the significance of helping rare animals, that they do not have representative in congress, they do not involve in any elections, and they are completely dependent on human's good willing for their survival in this planet. As conclusion, Andrew proposed couple ways out in order to avoid the extinction of those animals. Reducing population is the first suggestion offered by him as he believes it will keep the habitat safe. He emphasized that having fewer children will be helpful, but adopting kids will be much better. Lastly, he highlighted that extending empathy to endangered wildlifes, as the way we care about our pets, is as precious as our future generations' life, to be maintained, to be loved, to live life side by side peacefully.

Source: youtube.com/watch?v=a7MeCPfaPR0
Fitri12   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / According to Snowden, the right to privacy of data is not a political issue. [4]

Hi Andika, it's my pleasure to share the followings feedback:

- ,but people need to rethink(reconsider) fundamentally what the role of the internet ...

... NSA provides an example of the NSA's activities include(including) eavesdropping and security.

- ... is being together to solved the problem through the government. (to solve: to infinitive + V1 ,)

Thank you.
Fitri12   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Summary: Nearly Half of US Deaths can be Prevented with Lifestyle Changes [2]

Heart disease, cancer, lower respiratory illnesses, stroke and unintentional injuries are considered to be the five leading causes of premature death in Alabama, Florida, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, North Carolina, South Carolina and Tennessee. According to researchers at the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) that those diseases actually can be avoided by making changes to harmful lifestyle such as smoking, drinking and lack of working-out, as well as unhealthy diets and being overweight. Supportive statement is simply stated as well by Frieden, a health official and researcher: "There are far too many places in this country where just by the unfortunate fact that you live there you are much more likely to die from a preventable cause, you don't have to move geographically, but we do have to move in terms of policies and programs." Yes, it is true that a death is definitely inevitable, but premature death surely can be avoided.

Source: time.com/84514/nearly-half-of-us-deaths-can-be-prevented-with-lifestyle-changes/?iid=sr-link2
Fitri12   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / 22 Things You Didn't Know About the Olympic Village in Rio [4]

Hi Fira,the followings are my humble suggestions regarding your essay:

- When olympic 2016 in Rio De Janeiro in Brazil (this sentence, if we can call it as a sentence, is unclear and incomplete, since it is confusing in the sense of meaning, it has no subject and verb as well).

- please pay attention to your flow. we can see clearly that the idea among sentences are unrelated.

Thank you. Feel free to visit my Thread. Keep practicing.
Fitri12   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / The Disabilities People With The Great Achievements [5]

Hi Pokpok! I have a suggestion regarding your writing, as follow:

- Many people presumed has perfect body is the main things, whereas ...
( "the main thing" is similar to "the only one thing", hence you did a repetition. You may also write: many people assume that having a perfect body is everything instead of maintaning a healthy body).
Fitri12   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / The Effects of Technology for Working [5]

Hi Pokpok, it's my pleasure to share with you. Hopefully, you will find it valuable.

Age: a particular period of history: the Victorian age, the digital age.

Era: a period of time that is remembered for particular event: the arrival of moving pictures marked the end of an era for live theatre.

Thank you.
Fitri12   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Hunting and moving from one place to another for meal - the first phase of human civilization [2]

TED Summary: Urbanization and the Future of Cities by Vance Kite

Hunting and moving from one place to other places to search for meal is considered as the first phase of human civilization development. Our ancestors then began to learn on the subject of selective breeding for agricultural technique in order to provide sufficient food. This condition led to the establishment of semi permanent village since people were still in need of relocating when the soil was not longer fertile; while irrigation was believed as the solution for permanent settlement once the water was highly available.

Years passed, the activities became more complex since people have already acquired various skills for trading and crafting. As a result of this circumstance, they began to take into account the transportation and facilities required, such as carts, vessels, roads, and ports. Those were surely in need of great numbers of manpower to build up. Hence, there was a massive shifting to any places that required labor. This stage then was regarded as the beginning of urbanization.

Urbanization has been multiplying the number of population in cities. Establishing vertical buildings, maintaining the balance of nature and providing adequate food, better sanitation, and good education for all people are recommended solutions to overcome the crowd.
Fitri12   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / How To Balances Between Life and Work? [6]

Hi Pokpok, let me give you some suggestions regarding your writing:

How To Balances Between Life and Work?

which known "workaholics" (known as "workaholics" )

... like beach or mountain areas such as gathering in the beautiful places like beaches or mountain areas.

In conclusion, a good work with life balances can raise ... (confusing sentences, in the sense of meaning and flow)
Fitri12   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Summary: If You're Trying to Get Pregnant, Here's What You Need to Know about Stress [2]

Since emotional and psychological factors affect to women fertility; exercising, meditating, and talking to a mental health pro are highly recommended in order to keep the stress away. According to a new study published in the journal Annals of Epidemiology states that pregnancy is even more difficult to conceive as the effect of frustration and nervousness.

The respondents of this study were 400 women who reported their daily stress levels on a scale from 1 to 4. While recording extra data like how often they had sex throughout the course of 20 cycles or until they got pregnant, researchers found that women who described the most stress around ovulation , in fact, the only time of month to actually get pregnant; were 40 percent less likely to conceive than they were during less stressful months.

Please note that further useless comments will get your account suspended. Moderator
Fitri12   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / (TED) Judson Brewer: A Simple Way to Break a Bad Habit [5]

Hi Abdasyari,
The followings are my suggestions regarding your writing:

It is triggered by our brain which stimulates ourselvesus to performrepeat the processrepetitive actions .

Unfortunately, it is so hard to control and break a bad habit to go away from our mind.ourselves from behaving badly. We tend to stay in our comfort zone s.

Thank you. Feel free to leave your comment on my Thread.
Fitri12   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary: A Guide to the Energy of the Earth by Joshua M. Sneideman [3]

As population grows alongside as rise of the industrialization and development, globe demand for energy becomes even more complex, but the planet has limited energy sources. Without continual input of energy, life on earth surely will no longer exist. It affects education, health, political power and socioeconomic status. Human spends a lot of energy, especially from fossil fuels, such as coal, oil, and natural gas to generate electricity on various activities. Another alternative energy comes from renewable sources such as wind, water, geothermal and bio-fuel.

Where does energy come from. Energy is all around us; it is a physical quantity on our earth's physical systems. Its flows including atmosphere, hydrosphere, lithosphere and biosphere. It moves in and out of this systems. Our planet's energy comes from the internal sources such as geothermal from radioactive and rotational from the spinning of the earth, while the sun is the major external source to run certain systems. In order to have adequate supply, we have to be able to improve our energy efficiency by using natural resources more responsibly to enhance the quality of life for everyone.
Fitri12   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some people feel happiness if they have buy a luxury car - it's personal satisfaction [2]

Hi Qara, the followings are my suggestions regarding your writing.

Overall, the flow of your writing is definitely confusing as well as its sense of meaning

There are some minor errors I found:

-happines is depends happiness depends on
-some people feel happines some people feel happy, Happy/adj./, Happiness/n/
-if they have buy a luxury carsif they have bought a luxury car/luxury cars
-a children plural:children, kids/singular:a child, a kid

Thank you. keep practicing.
Fitri12   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Summary: This Woman Might have Found a Deep-Fried Rat's Head in Her Popeyes Meal [2]

That incident might be the most embarrassing moment for Popeyes, one of fast-food restaurants in New York City, when a woman named Rosemary Thomas posted photos to Facebook of what a rat head looks like in her daughter's fried chicken. She uploaded the pictures and wrote: "Friends and family, this is a meal Popeyes in Harlem served my daughter, my niece, and sister." She even asked other users to share the pictures of the disgusting dark gray object which has been fried deeply. In contrary to its real service condition, in fact, Popeyes is considered as a 5 rating ready-meal restaurant by department of health.

As response to the incident, Renee Kopowski, a spokeswoman for Popeyes, stated "When things are found they usually turn out to be chicken organs."

We don't think so!
Fitri12   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Hula dancing plays important function as an important aspect of Hawaiian culture. [2]

Hi Dils, your writing is pretty good, I found only slightly mistake.

Hula is (put article "a" since Hula is the only one dancing you talk about) well-known dancing from ...

This day, hula function move from ritual ceremony ... ( you may write: Today, the function of hula dancing has turned to be a form of entertainment rather than a ritual)
Fitri12   
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary Why I Read a Book a Day? By Tai Lopez [3]

Hi Yonathan, it's my pleasure to share. the followings are my humble opinions.

- I'm sorry to say that your writing is confusing in the sense of meaning and flow.

... than you to become your mentor.(The first (singular) is spending 33% of your life around people.... lower than you and help them to find happiness (what do you mean?) , around 33% peopleas the same level as you ..............................

- make sure you understand the topic then interpret it by using your own words.

thank you. keep practicing.
Fitri12   
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary: How Social Media Makes Us Unsocial by Allison Graham [2]

In 2001, when an American was asked how many close friends he/she had, the answer might be 10 or more, but when the same question is asked today, the answer probably only 2. Where do they go. Surfing on the internet is the most suitable answer.

Allison Graham, who presented the topic How Social Media Makes Us Unsocial, offered a hilarious illustration regarding basic human needs today. She illustrated that people need one per cent of food, four per cent of water, five per cent of air, and ninety per cent of internet in order to highlight that internet is addictive, especially social media such as Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Social media influences people ways of life. For instance, there are some popular vocabularies used by teens and even by the elderly in texting, such as OMG, WTF, LOL. By using those abbreviations, they unconsciously lose the nuance of the words to be fully communicative and interactive. Texting while driving is also considered as one of the effects of social media addiction. It is underlined as the number one factor of death of teens all over the world. Social media tends to make others faking their lives, as well. They upload perfect family photograph, bathroom mirror selfie, driving selfie, and even funeral selfie, simply to gain numerous "Likes" on Instagram or Facebook, since the number of "Likes" somehow equal to self-esteem.

How to deal with this situation depends on our enthusiasm in making such change. We can use social media to create positive face-to-face activity, not by being a "hashtag" activist, but a humanist who grows human connection. We can make the world a better place by holding each other hands rather than kissing on "click" and by teaching our kids how life looks like before living in front of the screen. As a well-known quote by Mahatma Gandhi states "be the change you want to see in the world."
Fitri12   
Sep 26, 2016
Scholarship / Yonsei Korean Language Institute program will help me understand the entertainment industry better [4]

Hi Melis,Sharing is fun. The followings are my opinions regarding your essay.

-I've always want to go to (you may write: I always want to go to..."simple present" or I've always wanted (use participle) for "present perfect)

- But due to some reason(reasons: plural)

-I'm taking Management Business in one of the University (universities: one of....) in Indonesia.

-I still considering (I'm still considering) Korea as one of my dream that I have to achieve.

Thank u.
Fitri12   
Sep 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / The only way for women to show their qualities is by getting involved in economy and politics [2]

TED Summary: What Islam Really Says about Women By: Alaa Murabit

Experiencing a school of a traditional city in Libya in the age of 15 was the path which led Alaa Murabit; a moslem activist, to start questioning the role of women in her religion. She was introduced to two cultural aspects of religion namely 'Haram'(religiously prohibited) and 'Aib' (culturally inappropriate). After having a lot of conversations and a heavy debating, she then decided to conduct a research. Through her research, she found an astonishing fact regarding a well-known muslimah namely Khadijah, whose participation in economic sector was vital in Islamic movement. This fact proves that women have the same right as men in Islam. Thus, if women are equal in the eyes of God, they should be equal in the eyes of men, as well. Then why there are so many restrictions for women. Men domination is probably the most logical answer. Men have become the decision maker for religion institutions for years; they have been controlling 'the spiritual messages' to create policy in their wills. This condition has caused miss-perception, miss-used, and manipulation of religious scripts. People then tend to hide in the name of religion when giving judgment.

The only way for women to show their qualities is by getting involved in such economic and politic activities in order to begin social and cultural changes. Alaa Murabit utilizes Qur'an scripts and Hadist in her campaign to persuade other women and as a counterattack. She believes that by changing the 'messages', women are able to find alternatives to interact, as men do.
Fitri12   
Sep 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / An Article Summary: William, Kate, George, and Charlotte Arrive in Canada for the Royal Tour [2]

The famous royal couple, Prince William and Duchess Kate who dressed elegantly in blue, has arrived in Canada for a royal tour with their two adorable kids; Prince George and Princess Charlotte. Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and his wife, Sophie Grégoire Trudeau; Governor General of Canada, David Johnston and his wife, Sharon Johnston; Lieutenant Governor Judith Guichon; Premier of British Columbia Christy Clark and her son, Hamish, are the welcoming committee.

The whole family members appear incredibly amazing. The tailored suit of Prince William has successfully revealed his masculinity. The oldest son, Prince George, looks cheerful as usual. This photogenic little boy is always able to attract people around him, especially the journalists. While his gorgeous little sister, Princess Charlotte, whose chubby cheek becomes even cuter with her smiling face, seems a little bit tired. She sticks on her mother's arm. This perfect family has been a role model today.

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